Thursday, December 1, 2005

december thoughts

WELL, HERE WE ARE....IT'S DECEMBER AGAIN!

I STAYED IN BED , MOST OF THE DAY, UNDER THE WARM COVERS, AND SURROUNDED BY MISTY AND JIMBO, OUR CATS, AND PRINCE, OUR DOG...THAT IS A GOOD PLACE FOR ME TO BE!.....AWAY FROM THE HOLIDAY PEOPLE, AND CROWDS...SAFE HERE AT HOME!

IT'S OK....PLEASE ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!..I ENJOY IT, IF YOU ENJOY IT!

OH OK, LET'S MAKE A NICE CUP OF COCOA, NOW, AND SETTLE IN....THE COLD AIR BLEW IN, AS I OPENED THE BACK DOOR, TO GET THE NEWSPAPER..........BRRRRRRR...IT'S COLD HERE IN SOUTH JERSEY..........IS SNOW IN THE FORECAST?.........DON'T KNOW.  HAVEN'T LISTENED TO THE RADIO TODAY.......I HAVE THE TV ON, HERE IN THE COMPUTER ROOM, AND MY HUSBAND ALWAYS INSISTS TO HAVE A TV, OR RADIO ON AT ALL TIMES.....HE DOESN'T LIKE SILENCE........AS FOR ME, I LIKE IT QUIET EVERY NOW AND THEN..........MY HUSBAND EVEN INSISTS TO SLEEP WITH THE TV ON....I CAN'T DO IT, I NEED QUIET, AND SOMETHING LIKE A HUMMMMMMMMM...OF A MOTOR OR FAN, TO RELAX TO.  I HAVE OFTEN TESTED JIMMY.  HE SAYS HE LEARNS IN HIS SLEEP FROM THE TV......SO, I'LL ASK HIM ABOUT THINGS IN THE NEWS, THAT WERE PLAYING WHILE HE SLEPT........SURE ENOUGH, HE HEARD WHAT THEY WERE SAYING WHILE HE  SLEPT........WHAT A HUSBAND , I HAVE!...HE IS ABLE TO RECITE TO ME WHAT WAS SAID......

AND SO, JIMMY IS AS HAPPY AS CAN BE!............THAT'S JUST HOW HE IS , IN ANY SITUATION!..........HE IS WORKING AWAY..HAPPY AS CAN BE!......."WHISTLE WHILE YOU WORK!".........THAT IS JIMMY, AND I JUST LOVE HIM SO!.....HE HAS A VERY STRONG WORK ETHIC, AND I LOVE THAT IN A MAN!...............TODAY IS HIS BUSY DAY AT THE STORE.....THE 1ST OF THE MONTH........

I ANALYZED JIMMY THROUGH OUR YEARS OF MARRIAGE......WHAT MAKES THIS MAN KEEP GOING?"  IS IT "ENERGIZER BATTERIES?"......NO................JIMMY TAUGHT ME TO TAKE SMALL BREAKS WHEN I AM DOING SOMETHING, LETS SAY CLEANING THE HOUSE........HE MAKES ME STOP, AND SIT DOWN......HE TELLS ME, "FRAN, IF YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL TODAY, IT'S OK...THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW.".............SO  THAT'S WHAT MAKES JIMMY "TICK."..........HE "PACES" HIMSELF, AND IN THE LONG RUN, ACCOMPLISHES MORE...........

WELL, THANKS FOR ALL YOUR BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS IN THE LAST ENTRY!........THEY REALLY TOUCHED MY HEART.  I ASKED JIMMY IF HE DELETED THAT TERRIBLE PIX OF ME.....HE SAID "no, it's still there."  I JOKED AND SAID, "WELL MAYBE WE SHOULD USE THAT PIX AS THE "POSTER WOMAN" FOR CRIMINAL'S WIVES.........WHAT I MEAN IS, WE CAN HANG IT UP, IN PLACES LIKE THE POST OFFICE, WITH A SUB TITLE THAT SAYS,   "CRIMINAL...STOP!............BEFORE YOU COMMIT THAT CRIME, STOP AND THINK !...IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOUR WIFE TO LOOK LIKE WHEN YOU ARE INCARCERATED?"......................I'M SURE THAT FACE WILL STOP MEN IN THEIR TRACKS!

ONE PREVIOUS COMMENT MEANT SO MUCH TO ME, BECAUSE IT WAS WRITTEN BY A MILITARY WIFE, WHO IDENTIFIED WITH MY EXPERIENCE, DURING THHE BEGINNING OF JIMMY'S INCARCERATION.............YES, IT IS A STRANGE FEELING TO BE THERE....IT IS A DIFFERENT DIMENSION OF TIME AND SPACE.........MANY WOMEN IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS GO THROUGH THIS........PEOPLE IN VERY TERRIBLE SITUATIONS...(such as tsunami and katrina victims).  I THINK IT IS PROBABLY A DEFENSE MECHANISM OF THE HUMAN BODY AND MIND THAT KICKS IN, WHEN A VERY STRESSFUL, ALMOST UNBELIEVABLE SITUATION OCCURS IF THEIR LIFE.....THEY ARE WALKING IN A "NEVER-NEVER LAND," A PLACE THAT IS NOT THE HERE AND NOW.......THEY ARE TOTALLY DETACHED FROM REALITY.........THEY WALK AROUND, WITH THEIR HEAD IN A CLOUD.......THEY CAN'T HEAR PEOPLE TALKING TO THEM.....THEY CAN'T HEAR A TV PROGRAM........PEOPLE AROUND THEM DON'T EVEN KNOW THEY ARE GOING THROUGH THIS UNREAL EXISTENCE...........LET US NOW, DURING THIS HOLOIDAY SEASON, BE AWARE OF PEOPLE LIKE THIS, THAT WE MAY KNOW OR MEET........THE PERSON IS TOO SUBMERGED IN THEIR OWN GRIEF...SO YOU MUST BE AWARE OF THEM, AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEM............TRUTHFULLY THERE IS LITTLE TO DO, BUT TO LISTEN TO THE PERSON, AND LET THEM KNOW, THAT WITH THE PASSAGE OF TIME, THEIR THOUGHTS WILL STRAIGHTEN OUT, AUTIMATICALLY....THE HEALING WILL TAKE PLACE, AND EVERYTHING WILL BEGIN TO MAKE SENSE.........YES, EVERYTHING IS BASED ON "TIME."

"LOVEROBIN32," IN THE LAST COMMENT SAYS, "I WOULD LOOK IN THE MIRROR, AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO I WAS.  I SLEPT SOMETIMES 2 HOURS A NIGHT...."

YES, IT WAS THE SAME FOR ME, EXCEPT THAT I BEGAN TO SLEEP ALOT.......IT WAS THE ONLY PLACE TO GO TO FOR REFUGE........SO, I WOULD LIE IN BED, AND PRETEND JIMMY WAS WITH ME, AND THEN I WOULD DREAM...MY SLEEP BECAME MY SAFEST PLACE IN LIFE.....NO ONE COULD HARM ME THERE, AND I COULD COMMUNICATE WITH JIMMY THROUGH MY MIND WHILE ASLEEP......I WASN'T SURE WHO I WAS, AT THAT TIME,,,THERE WERE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN ME COMING FORWARD AND I WASN'T SURE WHO I WAS ANYMORE.....I ACTUALLY TOOK MIRRORS, AND WOULD PLACE THEM IN VARIOUS PLACES IN THE HOUSE..........I NEEDED TO ACTUALLY "SEE" MY REFLECTION, TO KNOW I WAS STILL ALIVE AND FUNCTIONING AS A HUMAN BEING........YES, I NEEDED TO SEE THAT "I WAS A PERSON."  I JUST RECENTLY TOOK THE MIRRORS AWAY, AS JIMMY WAS A LITTLE SURPRISED TO FIND THEM THERE.

WELL......HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A REAL GOOD NITE, AND TAKING IT MOMENT BY MOMENT, EVEN 'YOU" CAN MAKE IT THROUGH A TRYING TIME......THERE ARE THOSE OF US OUT HERE, WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH THOSE VERY ROUGH TIMES, EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY NOT HEAR IT PUBLICIZED A LOT...WE ARE HERE..................WITH LOVE, FRAN

2 comments:

lv2trnscrb said...

wonderful thoughts, Fran. You stay warm the best you can. Its cold also here in Montana.

betty

barbpinion said...

You and Jimmy are in inspiration to many people. Your journal is great in itself. I enjoy stopping by to see what you've posted. Alerts are not working properly so sometimes I don't know if you posted. If you let me know, I will always stop by.
Hugs
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK