Tuesday, December 6, 2005

KINTOCK

STARTING OVER.........TO BEGIN AGAIN, AT THE START...TO GO BACK TO SQUARE ONE......IT IS ALL A GAME WITH THE SYSTEM.....THEY ENJOY PLAYING WITH PEOPLE'S MINDS........IN REALITY, THERE IS NO PRISONER REFORMATION...BECAUSE THEY PLAY WITH THE PRISONER'S MIND, TOO..........IT IS AN ENJOYABLE GAME PLAYED BY THOSE WHO WORK WITHIN THE SYSTEM......

HEY.......YOU ARE NOT WORKING WITH ANIMALS.........NOT ALL, AT LEAST..........WE ARE REAL PEOPLE, WITH REAL LIVES.......AND REAL EMOTIONS......

I ONCE WAS ASKED BY A CO-WORKER IF I'D LIKE TO GO WORK AS AN R.N. IN A NEAR-BY PRISON, IN LAS VEGAS....SHE WAS THINKING OF GOING TO WORK THERE........"EASY JOB, EASY PAY," SHE SAID TO ME.  "NO." I REPLIED, "NEVER."  NOT IF IT WAS THE LAST JOB ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH."..............I STILL THINK ABOUT THAT CONVERSTAION.   WELL, I NOW KNOW I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.  PRISONS, AND PLACES LIKE THAT, ARE JUST NOT THR RIGHT ENVIRONMENT FOR ME.  I DON'T BELIEVE IN A LOT OF THEIR PHILOSOPHIES.........

EVERYDAY YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPER THAT SOME CONVICT HAS ESCAPED..........NOW I CAN ALMOST UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DO IT.............THEY ARE CAUGHT IN A WEB OF THE PENAL SYSTEM, AND JUST CAN'T SEEM TO MOVE FORWARD.

DID YOU READ IN THE NEWSPAPERS A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, ABOUT THE MAN WHO ESCAPED FROM KINTOCK, BY CRAWKING THROUGH THE CLOSET CEILING.    HE WOUND UP IN A CRAWL SPACE, AND CRAWELED ALONG, UNTIL HE CAME TO AN EXIT, WHICH WAS UNLOCKED...THE STAFF THEMSELVES, INADVERTADLY LET HIM OUT.  MOST PEOPLE READ IT IN NEWSPAPERS.  YOU CAN READ IT HERE, IF YOU "GOGGLE" KINTOCK................

I GOT IT FIRST-HAND.   YOU SEE, THAT MAN WAS MY HUSBAND'S BUNKIE  (ROOM MATE), AND JIMMY TOLD ME THE "REAL STORY," AND NOT JUST WHAT YOU ALL READ IN THE NEWSPAPERS.

ON MARCH 28, 2003, MY HUSBAND TURNED HIMSELF IN TO JAIL, FOR THE SENTENCE HE HAD TO SERVE...HE THOUGHT HE WOULD COME BACK HOME ON HOUSE ARREST, DUE TO HIS AGE AND OTHER FACTORS, AFTER 5 MONTHS.........HE WAS NOT GRANTED THAT, AND HAS SINCE BEEN IN PRISON FOR 33 MONTHS.

THE NIGHT BEFORE HIS INCARCERATION, I SAID TO JIMMY, "LET'S RUN AWAY.  LET'S LEAVE."........WE HAD THE MONEY, THE MEANS , AND THE KNOW HOW, HOW TO GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

JIMMY LOOKED AT ME STRONGLY IN MY EYES...HE SAID, "IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT, FRAN?"................."TO BE ON THE RUN FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.  WE WOULD NEVER, EVER AGAIN BE ABLE TO COME BACK TO AMERICA."

AND SO, EVERYONE, I WAS THE ONE WHO MADE THE DECISON THAT NIGHT..........IT ALL RESTED ON MY SHOULDERS............I'M NOT SURE RIGHT NOW, IF I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.

JIMMY LOVED ME SO MUCH, HE WOULD HAVE RAN AWAY WITH ME, IF I JUST SAID SO.

INSTEAD, WE MADE A BILATERAL DECISION NOT TO GO, BUT TO STAY, AND SERVE HIS PRISON TERM....TO DO THE "RIGHT THING," AS MOST PEOPLE WOULD SAY.....TO CLEAR HIS NAME.........TO LIVE A LIFE WITHOUT HAVING TO "LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER AT ALL TIMES."........TO NEVER KNOW IF YOU WOULD GET CAUGHT, AND BE DRAGGED BACK TO PRISON.............AND START THE PROCESS ALL OVER AGAIN.......

JIMMY SAID TO ME, "FRAN, I LOVE MY COUNTRY. I COULD NOT STAND BEING AWAY FROM AMERICA FOREVER."........I JUST LOOKED AT HIM.

YOU SEE, MY HUSBAND ATTENDED ONE OF THE BEST LAW SCHOOLS IN OUR COUNTRY...IN NEW YORK CITY.........HE WAS AT ONE TIME A VERY PROMINANT ATTORNEY...A REAL ESTATE ATTORNEY, WHO WORKED FOR A LARGE FIRM IN NEW YORK, AND ALSO HAD HIS OWN PRACTICE. 

JIMMY DOESN'T LIKE ME TO TALK ABOUT IT MUCH.  BUT I'M PROUD OF HIM, AND WHAT HE ACCOMPLISHED IN LIFE......HE IS A VERY BRILLIANT MAN, AND NO ONE, NOT EVEN PRISON, CAN EVER, EVER TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HIM.........

IT WOULD NOT TAKE YOU LONG TO TALK TO JIMMY AND KNOW HE IS WELL VERSED IN THE LAW.

A FEW DAYS AFTER I MET HIM, ON THE PHONE, I SAID TO HIM, "JIMMY, YOU WERE AN ATTORNEY, WEREN'T YOU?".....I COULD JUST TELL BY THE WAY HE WAS SPEAKING TO ME.....................JIMMY DOES NOT LIKE TO TELL OTHERS, AND HE DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH.............WELL, WHAT I TOLD HIM WAS THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO STRIKE  UP A RELATIONSHIP WITH A LAWYER...HE LAUGHED AT ME.........I TOLD HIM I JUST DON'T LIKE LAW, POLITICS, ETC.......IT IS A BORING SUBJECT FOR ME.....BUT HOW COULD I NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS WONDERFUL MAN!.

BUT JIMMY JUST LOVES IT (LAW), AND CAN'T GET IT OUT OF HIS BLOOD............HE IS A STAUNCH DEMOCRATE,  AND HIS BELIEF SYSTEM IS "FOR THE PEOPLE.".....MY HUSBAND HAS HELPED MANY PEOPLE IN HIS LIFE.

WELL, I SLEPT A LITTLE LAST NIGHT, WITH THE 3 ANIMALS SURROUNDING ME.......THEY ARE REALLY ALL I HAVE, TO CARRY ON.

I WOKE UP TO SNOW....LOTS OF IT, COVERING THE LAWN AND CARS.........SO NOW, THAT MEANS I CAN'T EVEN GET OUTSIDE TO THE MAILBOX TODAY, TO SEE IF JIMMY WROTE.........I CANNOT WEAR SHOES/BOOTS, SO I GUESS I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET OUTSIDE UNTIL THE SPRING..................LAST YEAR THERE WAS A NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR WHO WOULD HELP ME OUT OCCASIONALLY..............THEY WOULD BRING ME HOME-COOKED TOMATO SAUSE, AND PASTA...AND BONES FOR PRINCE........MARSHA ALWAYS WANTED THE "UPDATE"ON JIMMY. SUDDEN;Y, LAST SPRING, THEY WERE GONE........PHONE DISCONNECTED...THEY MOVED, NEVER TELLING ME............WELL, I GUESS THEY REALLY DIDN'T LIKE BEING A NEIGHBOR TO CRIMINALS, AFTER-ALL.

AND SO, TODAY I WILL CONTINUE TO SIT HERE IN SILENCE, AND JUST "THINK."  "THINK ABOUT WHAT, I'M JUST NOT SURE....NOTHING REALLY MEANS ANYTHING TO ME ANYMORE...CAN'T HELP THE FEELING.............SO SORRY TO BE A SCROOGE AT THIS TIME OF YEAR..........IN ONE OF MY LAST CONVERSTAIONS TO JIMMY, ON SATURDAY, I TOLD HIM I WAS GETTING INTO THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT, AND HAD BOUGHT 6 BOXES OF CHRISTMAS CARDS..........THEY ALL LOOKED SO PRETTY, AND HOLIDAYISH...SO GLITTERY AND CHRISTMASY...........THEY ARE SITTIN ON THE TABLE NOW.......I CAN;T EVEN LOOK AT THEM, AND MAY JUST THROW THEM ALL AWAY....EVEN IF I STUFF THEM IN BACK OF THE CLOSET, I WOULD NOT WANT TO SEE THEM EVER AGAIN, AND BE REMINDED OF THIS TIME......SO IT IS JUST AS WELL TO THROW THEM IN THE GARBAGE.........

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, IN THE PAST WEEK OR SO, I HAD A FUNNY, STRANGE FEELING THAT SOMETHING BAD WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.  I JUST COULDN' T PUT MY FINGER ON IT...........MY DREAMS INDICATED IT......EVEN JIMMY'S DREAMS WERE STRANGE........I HAD AN IMBODING FEAR WITHIN ME...........I LOOK BACK ON THIS JOURNAL, AND SEE THAT MY THOUGHTS WERE DISTURBED.........I JUST DIDN'T FEEL HAPPY...............PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL ME I HAVE AN INTENSE SENSE OF INTUITION, ...I AM ABLE TO TELL WHEN THINGS ARE NOT RIGHT.............IT STARTED AS A CHILD, WITH MANY EXPERIENCES, AND HAS GROWN STRONGER THROUGHOUT MY LIFE...........IN THE "OLDEN DAYS," WHEN I WAS A CHILD, IT WAS CALLED "ESP."

AND SO, I WILL SIT HERE AND "THINK,"...........UNTIL I RETURN HERE, TO GIVE YOU AN UPDATE..................FRAN

.

3 comments:

lv2trnscrb said...

Fran, I bet your neighbors didn't leave because there was a "criminal" living next to them. They probably had some of their own past they were ashamed of and took off in the night like you were planning to do - but you were brave to stick around and face the music. You remember that. You and Jimmy stayed. You did an honorable thing to do that. Remember that.

Have you ever checked into Chuck Colson's Prison Fellowship? He talks a lot about prison reform; he is very supportive of it having been in prison himself. Google Prison Fellowship if you don't know about him. Maybe they have some resources that can help you.

betty

mindercella33 said...

Fran, I am worried aboout you. You need to eat and take care of yourself. Please, please don't let this get you so down that you forget about taking care of you. You need to eat and stay strong, it isn't going to help either of you if you don't. I know you are unbearably sad right now, but, be strong and have faith. I am praying for you and Jimmy to have the strength to help carry you through this latest blow. Cyndy

sugar1337 said...

You should write a book about your experiences, and get the word out even more about how women suffer in your place.  Maybe you could even start an organization for women who need someone in this time of need?