Monday, December 5, 2005

I AM HERE, BETTY...JUST CLEANING UP THE KITCHEN, AND THINKING HOW UNFAIR, AND HOW UNJUST LIFE IS.  IT IS SAD, BUT I GUESS THAT IS HOW IT IS FOR SOME OF US. 

I HAD EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE, EARLIER.  THINGS CAME EASY TO ME.....PROFESSION, CAREER, EDUCATION, TRAVEL.  BUT NOW, WHAT I WANTED MOST, IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO HAPPEN....THAT IS, A MARRIAGE , AND A FAMILY.  ALTHOUGH I AM 52 YEARS OLD, JIMMY STILL WANTS TO HAVE CHILDREN.  IT MAY BE THROUGH ADOPTION, OR SURROGATE MOTHER.....AND BELIEVE ME, JIMMY IS SUCH A WONDERFUL MAN...AND A FAMILY MAN AT THAT......HE WILL MAKE A VERY GOOD FATHER.......

AS A WOMAN, I FEEL IT IS THE RIGHT OF A MAN, WHO WOULD BE A WONDERFUL FATHER AND PROVIDER FOR HIS FAMILY, TO HAVE A CHILD.............JIMMY IS THE TYPE OF MAN THAT WOULD ACTUALLY TAKE GOOD CARE OF A CHILD, AND HE WOULD TEACH HIM GOOD WAYS

WHEN WE GOT MARRIED 5 YEARS AGO, JIMMY TOLD ME HE WANTED A CHILD..............THAT WAS THE SADNESS OF HIM GOING TO PRISON AT THAT POINT IN OUR LIFE............THE CLOCK IS TICKING, BUT EVEN THOUGH MANY PEOPLE OPPOSE ME HAVING A CHILD AT MY AGE........I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN WHAT THEY SAY...........

SO, EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS, EVERY STEP BACKWARDS, BOTHERS ME MORE THAN IF I WERE 20 YEARS OLD, AND THIS WERE HAPPENING.

THERE ARE SO MANY WOMEN OUT THERE WO HAVE BABIES...LIKE IT IS NOTHING........

BUT FOR ME, GOD NEVER BLESSED ME WITH A CHILD.......IT IS NOW, AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE, THAT I MARRIED A WONDERFUL MAN, THAT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A FAMILY....IT WOULD MAKE LIFE COMPLETE..........AND WE HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO GIVE AT OUR AGE........

BUT THE ODDS SEEM AGAINST US.........

I THINK GOD IS PUNISHING ME FOR SOMETHING....BUT I KNOW NOT WHAT.....

CINDY...IT'S GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU...I MISSED YOUR E-MAILS........HOPE YOU ARE FEELING BETTER, NOW.

.............FRAN

4 comments:

sugar1337 said...

I don't think you are getting punished, life just really sucks sometimes....but I would wait to have/adopt a child till Jimmy was out...but you do have to be very careful at your age having a child, it is very risky if you aren't in great shape.  

mindercella33 said...

FRAN, YOU ARE NOT BEING PUNISHED HON. STAY STRONG AND MY PRAYERS SRE WITH YOU AND JIMMY

uniquelyme1201 said...

Fran, this is horrible!  I've been a silent reader of your journal for quite sometime now--how could jimmy be sent back to prison?  what could have possibly happend?  anyway--im keeping you in my thoughts tonight--~Tarah

lv2trnscrb said...

Fran, you are not being punished. I just started reading your journal about two months ago and forgive me, I haven't gone back to beginning entries to see exactly why Jimmy was put in prison in the first place. But I admire him that he admitted the wrong doing and is serving his sentence. Too many people want to hide from their responsibility or wrong doing.

I think its great to have a child through adoption or biologically when it is the Lord's timing. We adopted two children so I've been through infertility and I know how difficult that is and emotionally draining. But I bet you and Jimmy would be an awesome set of parents.

betty