Saturday, February 26, 2005

'YOU TAUGHT ME WHAT LOVE IS"

JIMMY AND I JUST SPOKE A LITTLE WHILE AGO....OUR LAST CALL FOR TONIGHT....12 MIDNIGHT.....HE SAID HE WAS USING HIS LAST QUARTER...I PROMSED TO SEND HIM EXACTLY ONE QUARTER IN AN ENVELOPE NEXT WEEK...IF ONLY HE WOULD TALK TO ME FOR A FEW EXTRA MINUTES......

HE TOLD ME, "FRAN, YOU TAUGHT ME WHAT LOVE IS."....He said, "I REMEMBER IN LAS VEGAS, WHEN I GOT SICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE WE GOT MARRIED, AND YOU TOOK CARE OF ME.  THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE THAT ANYONE TOOK CARE OF ME.  YOU WERE RIGHT AT MY SIDE, AS I WAS FEELING SO SICK.  IN THE PAST I HAD ALWAYS BEEN TOLD BY OTHERS ,"REAL MEN DON'T GET SICK..GET UP, YOU ARE NOT TO BE SICK.  THAT IS HOW I WAS BROUGHT UP MY ENTIRE LIFE."  WELL, I AM VERY SADDENED TO HEAR THIS FROM MY HUSBAND...AND JIMMY HAS REPEATED THIS TO ME MANY TIMES.........AND YOU WONDER WHY THIS MAN IS IN PRISON TODAY?......IS IT ANY WONDER, WHEN YOU'VE BEEN TOLD CRUEL THINGS YOUR WHOLE LIFE?

AND THEN WE TALKED ABOUT THE MEN IN KINTOCK....MOST FIND WAYS TO F--- AROUND....LIKE WHEN THEY GO OUT TO LOOK FOR JOBS...OR EVEN ON THEIR JOB...OH YES, A LOT ARE HAVING A LOT OF FUN....THEY SAY 'WHY NOT?'..........JIMMY TOLD ME THIS EARLIER TODAY, AND IT MADE ME KIND OF ANGRY........JIMMY ASKS THESE GUYS WHY DO THEY BREAK THE RULES...WHY DO THEY CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES...IS SEX SO VERY IMPORTANT, THAT ALL MORALS AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS DESTROYED/........AND THEIR ANSWER TO JIMMY WAS, 'IF YOU DON'T DO IT (go out and have sex somewhere, breaking the rules of kintock), THEN YOU ARE THE ONE LOSING OUT....................WELL, NO.  I THINK IT IS THE OTHER WAY AROUND.  AND SO JIMMY SAID TO ME. "FRAN, MOST OF THESE GUYS HERE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT.  THEY HAVE NO CLUE.  THEY HAVE NEVER LOVED, AND NO ONE REALLY LOVES THEM.'...................AND SO, THAT IS THE SADNESS OF PRISON.............................ALL THESE MEN.....WHO REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE, ANBD LIFE IS ALL ABOUT...........NO MORALS, NO CONSCIENCE..........NOTHING............ONLY KNOWING THE MEAN , CRUEL LIFE OF THE STREET....................

...AND SO, IT'S ANOTHER LONELY NITE FOR ME....I SIT HERE, THINKING AND WONDERING.......SOMETIMES EVEN HATING MYSELF........SORT OF CONFUSED, AND NOT EVEN KNOWING WHY............JIMMY SAYS I'LL CHANGE ONCE AGAIN, BACK TO MY NORMAL SMILING, LAUGHING, SELF, WHEN HE GETS OUT.........FOR ME, I CAN'T EVEN SEE THAT FAR AHEAD..........SMILES AND LAUGHTER FOR ME ONLY LASTS IN SHORT SPURTS AT THE MOMENT........I CAN'YT EVEN IMAGINE SEEING LIFE THE WAY I ONCE DID...........WHEN EVERYTHING WAS SO PERFECT, AND SO PRETTY...........I DON'T KNOW IF MY FROWNS WILL ONCE AGAIN TURN TO LAUGHTER......AND BECAUSE, I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND, HE ASSURES ME THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING ME, WILL BOUNCE BACK TO NORMAL ONCE HE IS OUT...........HE IS CERTAIN THAT ALL I NEED IS A LITTLE LOVING.........BECAUSE 24 MONTHS WITHOUT THAT, IS TOO MUCH FOR A SENSUAL WOMAN TO ENDURE!

HIS CLOSING WORDS WERE, 'FRAN, HAVING A HUSBAND IN PRISON IS A LIVING NIGTHMARE FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST NOT THE TYPE TO HAVE A HUSBAND IN PRISON...........YOU HAVE NEVER ASSOCIATED WITH THIS PART OF LIFE.".......................................AND SO, AS I SIT HERE, ALONE, THINKING,.....I GUESS THAT IS JUST WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT......................AND YES, EVEN MARTHA STEEWART WILL GET OUT OF PRISON NEXT WEEK, AND GO ON WITH LIFE............YES, TIME DOES MOVE ON.........

.............................................FRAN

4 comments:

barbpinion said...

Life does go on, in spite of our mistakes, and thank goodness our mistakes can be forgiven. God not only forgives them. >>>HE FORGETS THEM TOO. Hugs, hon.
*Barb* http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

sugar1337 said...

At least you found true love and you know that soon it will be back in your arms.  :)

p00kie2323 said...

your entries are always so inspiring and i am glad you two found each other it seems like true love and he will be home soon do not give up hope

shermeen0621 said...

Oh fran, it'll all work out. you deserve to be happy again, and once Jimmy is back you will be. Stay strong.