Saturday, February 12, 2005

feeling sad.....

I HAVE EVERYTHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR IN LIFE, BUT AT THIS MOMENT, I FEEL KINDA SAD AND QUIET....WITHIN MYSELF.  YOU SEE, IT'S ANOTHER "VALENTINE'S DAY."...ANOTHER ONE ALONE....THE SECOND VALENTINE'S DAY WITH JIMMY IN PRISON.........

HE JUST CALLED ME A LITTLE WHILE AGO...AND HE WAS FEELING THE SAME WAY...SAD AND QUIET....HE APOLOGIZED FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS.....

ONE YEAR IN PRISON IS HARD.....2 YEARS , AND IT GETS EVEN HARDER.....MARCH 28, WHICH IS A FEW WEEKS AWAY WILL BE 2 YEARS....

I ASKED JIMMY JUST WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF....WHY AM I STILL SITTING HERE WITH MY LIFE ON HOLD, WAITING FOR HIM TO RETURN.......2 YEARS IS A LONG TIME..........BUT I , MYSELF, GAVE HIM THE ANSWER....."IT IS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, AND I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. I AM YOUR WIFE, AND IT IS MY "PERSONAL MAKE-UP" TO BE DEDICATED AND FAITHFUL TO MY HUSBAND.....I AM A DEDICATED PERSON.....WITH STRENGTH AND FAITH, I WILL CARRY ON........

IT IS ALL SO SAD...WOMEN THAT HAVE HUSBANDS AND LOVED ONES IN PRISON.....LIFE IS SAD.........TO BE MARRIED, AND NOT HAVE A HUSBAND.......THAT YOUR HUSBAND BELONGS TO THE STATE, NOT YOU ANYMORE...........

I SIT HERE AND THINK ABOUT ALL THE PRISONS THROUGHOUT OUR COUNTRY.........SO MANY INMATES.......SO MANY INSTITUTIONS..........EVERYONE BEHIND CLOSED WALLS.......IN THEIR OWN LITTLE WORLDS...........AND I SIT HERE IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD..........WONDERING WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT.............LIFE IS SO CONFUSING.

I'M SORRY TO BE SO NEGATIVE TONIGHT....BUT YOU, MY LOVELY JOURNAL, YOU ARE THE ONE I CAN COME TO AND POUR MY HEART OUT TO.............YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WILL LISTEN TO ME..........

...SONG NOW PLAYING ON THE RADIO AS I TYPE THIS...

.........I CAN'T WAIT TO LIVE MY LIFE AGAIN...MY DREAMS CAME TRUE BECAUSE OF YOU....FROM THIS MOMENT AS LONG AS I LIVE, I PROMISE I WILL LOVE YOU....THERE IS NOTHING THAT I WOULDN'T GIVE, FROM THIS MOMENT ON....YOU'RE THE REASON I BELIEVE IN LOVE, AND YOU ARE THE REASON FOR MY PRAYERS ABOVE........I WILL LOVE YOU...I PROMISE YOU....THERE IS NOTHING I WOULDN'T GIVE....I WILL LOVE YOU, THERE IS NOTHING I WOULD GIVE....FROM THIS MOMENT ON......

A VERY BEAUTIFUL SONG, THAT PLAYED ON THE RADIO AS I WAS TYPING THIS......IT SAYS IT ALL...I HOPE I GOT ALL THE WORDS RIGHT, AS I WAS TYPING IT AS IT WAS PLAYING..........

AND SO, TO END THIS JOURNAL TONIGHT ON A MORE HAPPIER AND POSITIVE NOTE, I'LL TELL YOU SOME GOOD NEWS!

ON MONDAY, VALENTINE'S DAY, THE NEWSPAPER, "THE PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY" WILL PUBLISH "OUR STORY"....OUR LOVE STORY.....HOW WE MET, FELL IN LOVE, MARRIED, KNOWING HE HAD TO GO TO PRISON.......HOW I AM AT HOME WRITING THIS JOURNAL FOR OVER A YEAR........HOW THIS JOUIRNAL STARTED WITH MY OWN NEED , AND NOW HAS EXPANDED TO A LOT OF PEOPLE READING IT, AND IDENTIFYING WITH IT.  THIS WILL BE A GREAT STORY FOR VALENTINE'S DAY....THE REPORTER CAME HERE THE OTHER DAY TO INTERVIEW ME, AND HE ALSO WENT TO VISIT JIMMY AT KINTOCK, AND INTERVIEWED HIM...A PHOTOGRAPER TOOK PIX, TOO.  SO, IF YOU GET A CHANCE, TRY TO READ THE STORY....YOU CAN READ IT ON-LINE , TOO.

ALSO, I WROTE A LITTLE ARTICLE FOR VALENTINE'S DAY, FOR PRISON WIVES.....YOU CAN FIND IT ON "E-ZINE"...THAT IS AN ON-LINE MAGAZINE....IT CAN BE FOUND UNDER "WOMEN'S ISSUES," AND THE ARTICLE IS CALLED, "HOW TO KEEP LOVE ALIVE, DESPITE PRISON WALLS."...............................

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A REAL GOOD NIGHT......I KNOW THAT THIS HOLIDAY, VALENTINE'S DAY, IS AN ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT ONE FOR PRISON WIVES.......

..................................WITH LOVE,      FRAN, THE WIFE OF A PRISONER

3 comments:

terra19728 said...

Oh Fran my heart goes out to you.  I spent many Valentine Days without the man I loved.  Its lonely and hard.  Just remember he will be out one day and be with you. Then you can have your own special Valentines Day.

Terra

crystalmoon222 said...

dear Terra....Thanks so much for your nice comment...it made me feel much better....i guess you understand how these depressed feelings just seem to 'float in from no where," every now and then!......I looked at your pix again, and had to come right up close to the computer screen to make sure you aren't the person I worked with in Las Vegas, who was a nurse...no, it's not you!...anyhow, you are very pretty....hope you keep in touch!.....Fran

babiegrl692004 said...

i think i know what your going thru my fiance has been in prison for 10 yrs we have been engaged for 4 of them 10 he is getting out in a couple of weeks and the way  i love him keeps me faithful and standing by his side