Saturday, April 23, 2005

BAYSIDE STATE PRISON, TO TALBOT HALL, TO KINTOCK

NO WOMAN SHOULD HAVE TO SUFFER IN OUR COUNTRY, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.  AND YET, SADLY, THE WOMAN WHOSE HUSBAND GOES TO PRISON, IS TREATED NOT ONLY IN A BAD WAY, BUT IN A WAY THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE.  DOES THE GENERAL PUBLIC AND POPULATION UNDERSTAND JUST HOW A PRISONER'S WIFE IS TREATED?  YES, YOU, THE TAX-PAYING CITIIZEN.  DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN OUR COUNTRY?  LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT, FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, AT LEAST.  I KNOW BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN THERE...STILL HERE...ALTHOUGH I BELIEVE I AM NOW IN ANOTHER STAGE OF THE "PRISON PLAN."  I WRITE THIS, BECAUSE I REALIZE WHAT I WENT THROUGH IN THE INITIAL STAGES OF INCARCERATION, WITH JIMMY IN BAYSIDE STATE PRISON.  AND YET, IT WAS ACTUALLY THE NORM, AS I LATER FOUND OUT.  IN DOING SOME RESEARCH ABOUT IT, I WAS NOT ALONE. YOU SEE, IT WAS NOT EVEN THE FACT THAT MY HUSBAND WAS IN PRISON, IT WAS HOW I WAS BEING TREATED..OUTSIDE THE PRISON, AT HOME....TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF NOTHING.  IT TORE ME TO PIECES..I LOST ALL SELF-DIGNITY.  I BECAME NO- ONE.  I HATED MYSELF.  AND JIMMY STOOD BY ME.  HE WAS THE ONE WHO TALKED TO ME , DAY IN AND DAY, OUT.  HE SUPPORTED ME, THROUGH DEPRESSION AND TEARS.  IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE OTHER WAY AROUND, BUT THIS IS HOW IT WAS..I CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST.  I CAN ONLY HOPE TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM, SOMEHOW, AND I KNOW THAT IS A LONG JOURNEY.  I WANT TO HELP THOSE WOMEN WHO ARE GOING THROUGH THIS NOW, AS I WRITE THIS.  YES, THEY ARE STILL OUT THERE.  AS YOU, THE TAXPAYER ARE IN YOUR COMFORTABLE HOMES, WITH YOUR LOVED ONES, THERE ARE WOMEN OUT THERE IN A TOTAL STATE OF DEVISTATION, WITH A HUSBAND IN PRISON.  IT MAY BE HIS FIRST INCARCERATION, LIKE ME, AND YOU ARE TOLD NOTHING ABOUT WHERE YOUR HUSBAND IS.  YOU ARE TOLD NOTHING ABOUT WHAT TO EXPECT...ABOUT RULES AND REGULATIONS.  THESE WOMEN ARE DEPRESSED, AND ALSO MANY ARE ON THE BRINK OF SUICIDE.  I KNOW.  I RECEIVE MANY E-MAILS PER DAY FROM LOTS OF WOMEN WHO ARE POURING THEIR HEARTS OUT TO ME.  THEY ARE NOW GOING THROUGH THE SAME STUFF I WAS , OVER 2 YEARS AGO, WHEN JIMMY WAS FIRST INCARCERATED.  IT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES, BECAUSE WHY ISN'T ANYTHING BEING DONE ABOUT THIS SITUATION IN OUR COUNTRY?  WHY HAS OUR COUNTRY PUSHED ASIDE THE MANY MILLIONS OF SUFFERING PRISON WIVES.  IT IS A STORY THAT HAUNTS ME.  I CANNOT FORGET IT.  I WILL MOVE FORWARD, ALTHOUGH SLOWLY, TO FIND SOME WAY TO HELP THOSE WHO SUFFER.  AS FOR ME,FOR EXAMPLE, JIMMY , MY HUSBAND TOOK ME OUT OF MY HOME IN LAS VEGAS, WHERE I HAD LIVED FOR 10 YEARS.  HE TOOK ME CLEAR ACROSS THE COUNTRY, YES, 2500 MILES, WITH MY DOG AND 2 CATS.  I WAS AT THAT TIME A BLIND WOMAN, NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE, AND DIFFICULT TO GET MY BEARINGS IN PUBLIC.  MY HUSBAND FOUND A NICE, SAFE HOME FOR ME. IN NEW JERSEY.   AND THEN, HE TURNED HIMSELF IN.  IT IS SHOCKING THAT NO SOCIAL SERVICE WOULD EVEN THINK OF CHECKING UP ON ME...WHY? BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, NO SOCIAL NETWORKS EXIST, AS FAR AS I KNOW.  WHEN JIMMY WENT TO COURT, THEN JAIL, THE COURT SYSTEM SHOULD HAVE BEEN AWARE THAT I WAS A BLIND WOMAN, FROM CLEAR ACROSS THE COUNTRY, ALONE, WITH NO HELP.  BUT THEY DON'T CARE, AND THEY NEVER WILL , UNLESS SOMEONE IS BOLD ENOUGH AND BRAVE ENOUGH, TO TRY TO CHANGE THINGS.  I'M ONLY TALKING ABOUT DOING GOOD THINGS FOR PEOPLE, THAT'S ALL.  WELL, I STILL LISTEN TO ALL THE WOMEN'S LETTERS.  PLEASE KEEP WRITING.  YOU SEE, I MYSELF THOUGHT I WAS UNIQUE, AND GOING THROUGH SOMETHING TERRIBLE.  AS I RESEARCH IT, I FIND I AM NOT ALONE.  I JUST FOUND SOMETHING ON THE INTERNET, TITLED, "the needs of prisoners' wives:  a challenge for the mental health professionals"  by DANIEL SW,BARRET CJ. IT IS A SMALL ARTICLE ABOUT RESEARCH DONE ON THE NEEDS OF THE PRISONER'S WIVES.  THEY SAY THERE IS A NEED IN 6 AREAS...INFORMATION, FINANCES, RELATIONSHIPS WITH FRIENDS, FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS, GRIEF, AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH CHILDREN.  THE NEEDS ARE DIFFERENT AT DIFFERENT STAGES OF SEPERATION, AND THE EARLY STAGES OF SEPERATION, HAVE HIGHER LEVELS OF DEPRESSION.  PRIOR EXPERIENCE WITH THE CORRECTIONAL SYSTEM DID NOT MATTER.  RESULTS SUGGST GIVING MORE INFORMATION TO THE WOMEN AT THE TIME OF THEIR HUSBANDS TRIALS, AND INFO ABOUT SELF-HELP GROUPS.  WELL, I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE SOME WORK HAS BEEN DONE, ALTHOUGH THIS STUDY WAS DONE IN 1981.  I AM SERIOUSLY THINKING OF CHANGING MY DOCTORATE FROM NURSING EDUCATION/RESEARCH TO SOMETHING IN WHICH I WILL DO RESEARCH ON PRISONER'S WIVES, AND THEIR NEEDS.  I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT.  I WOULD FIND IT NOT ONLY INTERESTING, BUT I WILL BE HELPING PEOPLE, WHERE A NEED EXISTS.  WELL, THANK YOU FOR LISTENING.  I HAD TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST.  NOW REMEMBER, 25 MONTHS HAVE GONE BY FOR ME.  I AM NO LONGER IN THOSE INITIAL STAGES OF DEPRESSION OR GRIEF.  I AM , PRETTY MUCH SO, A HAPPY PERSON, WHO SIMPLY MISSES HER HUSBAND DESPERATELY.  HOWEVER, I HAVE MOVED THROUGH ALL THESE DIFFICULT TIMES, BY BECOMING A PUBLISHED AUTHOR.  I HAVE GOTTEN OVER 10 MAGAZINE STORIES PBLISHED, AND I HAVE GOTTEN MANY THINGS PUBLISHED IN THE ASBURY PARK PRESS.   AND YES, WRITING THIS JOURNAL, WHICH HAS MADE IT INTO THE NEWSPAPERS.  AND JIMMY AND I, WELL OUR LOVE GROWS STRONGER EVERYDAY.  WE ARE SO HAPPY THAT HE HAS A VERY GOOD JOB, AS FOODSTORE MANAGER, AND BECAUSE WE ARE PROGRESSIVE PEOPLE, WE ARE HAPPY WHEN THINGS ARE MOVING ALONG, AND PROGRESSING AHEAD.     HERE IS THE LINK TO THE RESEARCH ARTICLE...Entrez PubMed.......GOOD NITE TO ALL, AND SWEET DREAMS..........FRAN

4 comments:

paintsaqha said...

FRAN,

YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO MANY WOMEN THAT FACE TODAY WHAT YOU FACED 25 MONTHS AGO!  I KNOW THAT YOU INSPIRE ME AND I AM NOT THE WIFE, JUST THE DAUGHTER OF A PRISIONER.  THE STATE COULD CARE LESS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MY FATHER FINALLY DIES, HOWEVER HE DOES HAVE LAST WISHES AND I INTEND THAT THEY ARE CARRIED OUT JUST AS HE WISHED.  FOR IN THE END, HE IS MY DADDY AND I AM HIS ONE AND ONLY LITTLE GIRL!  WHAT IS SAD, HE SPENT 22 YEARS SERVING HIS STATE AS A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER AND ONE NIGHT AFTER DRINKING ALOT, HIS POSITION CHANGED FOREVER WITH THE DISCHARGE OF A .44 REVOLVER, ALL OF OUR LIVES WERE CHANGED WITHOUT ANOTHER SECOND!  I LOST MY FATHER IN THAT INSTANT.  HE LOST HIS WIFE.  MY FATHER LOST EVERYTHING.  ALL OF HIS HARD EARNED LIFESTYLE.  THE SON SUED AND WON EVERYTHING, ALL OF THE ITEMS THAT WERE TO BE PASSED ON DOWN THE FAMILY LINE THAT HAS BEEN IN MY FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS (LOST) GIVEN TO HIM, WITHOUT REGUARD FOR THE OTHER KIDS.  I UNDERSTAND THAT HE LOST HIS MOTHER, BUT I LOST TOO, AND NO ONE PAID ME $700,000.00 FOR A SECOND OF IT.....

IT IS HARD NOT TO FEEL WRONGED BUT I DO AT TIMES, AND I KNOW IT IS WRONG TO FEEL THAT WAY. BUT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A 62 YR OLD MAN THAT MUST STAY ON OXYGEN 24/7 REALLY WHAT KIND OF A THREAT TO SOCIETY IS HE????  I JUST FEEL THAT KEEPING HIM IN PRISON REALLY SERVES NO PURPOSE, HE ALREADY IS IN MAJOR DEPRESSION FROM THE EVENTS THAT HAPPENED THAT EVENING.... I MEAN REALLY THE STATE IS HAVING TO PICK UP ALL OF THE MEDICAL BILLS FOR HIS CARE WHICH IS HUGE FROM WHAT I KNOW OF IT...

FRAN, I HOPE YOU DO FIND A WAY TO HELP THOSE OTHER WIVES THAT ARE IN YOUR SITUATION.. SORRY I RAN ON AND ON.. JUST REALLY MISSING MY FATHER THIS EVENING.  I HOPE YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EVERYONE ENJOYS READING YOUR JOURNAL... HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT WHEN I REPLY I NOW TYPE IN ALL CAPS SO IT IS EASIER FOR YOU TO READ??  I HOPE SO... LOL...
YOU TAKE CARE AND I HOPE YOU

crystalmoon222 said...

DEAR PAINTSAGUA,
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME, AND THE REST OF THE WORLD.  PERSONALLY, I BELIEVE IT IS BETTER TO LET SOCIETY KNOW ABOUT THE PAIN YOU HAVE SUFFERED, AND CONTINUE TO SUFFER.  THANK YOU FOR CONTINUING TO READ MY JOURNAL.  TRUTHFULLY, YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ME, BECAUSE YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH SO VERY MUCH.  WELL, THANK YOU FOR WRITING IN CAPS...IT DOES HELP ME!  ALSO, HOPE YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP IS GOING WELL...........FRAN

rustyspigot8 said...

I'm not sure what you feel prisoner's wives are owed??  Some counseling, perhaps, but I don't agree that you should be compensated in any way because your husband is incarcerated.  You went into your situation KNOWING "Jimmy" was going to jail.  Why should society have to pay for his wife?  Maybe I am misunderstanding your list of demands entirely.

fasttrack58 said...

HI I AM SO GLAD THAT THESE WOMAN HAVE YOU TO HELP THEM. AND I HAVE A NEW OUTLOOK ON THE WRITING IN CAPS AS TO IT HELPS YOU READ THE ENTRY BETTER...
LINDA