'Lazy Day"

IT'S BEEN A LAZY, HAZY DAY TODAY....THE KIND MY HUSBAND LIKES.....RAINY, MISTY, DAMP,GREY,  AND NOW, I SEE THE FOG SETTING IN, AS NIGHT TIME COMES...

JIMMY WOULD SAY, "LET'S STAY IN BED ALL DAY TODAY, CUDDLED UNDER THE BLANKETS, LISTENING TO THE RAIN DROPS FALL"................AND SO, I DID THAT TODAY.  STAY IN BED, THAT IS...ALONE, WITH THE 3 ANIMALS ALL AROUND ME.........I ALWAYS KEEP THE BLINDS WIDE OPEN, SO I CAN LOOK AT THE SKY, WHILE IN BED........I LOVE TO LAY IN BED, GAZE AT THE SKY AND TREES....AS WE HAVE A LARGE PICTURE WINDOW IN THE BEDROOM.

TRUTHFULLY, I JUST GOT UP AT 5PM.......I LIKE TO SLEEP IN THE DAY..........I DID IT ALL MY LIFE, SINCE I PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS WORKED THE NIGHT SHIFT WHILE WORKING AS A NURSE.  IT WAS EITHER 12 MIDNIGHT TO 8 AM, OR 7PM TO 7AM.  SO, FOR ME IT WAS ALWAYS NORMAL, SINCE THE AGE OF 20, WHEN I FIRST STARTED WORKING AS AN RN....I FOUND IT MORE SUITABLE TO MY CIRCADIAN RYTHMS.  I FEEL "SICK" AND OUT OF SORTS WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING.....I MEAN, I WILL GET UP, AND TAKE THE NEWSPAPER IN, FEED THE CATS, OPEN THE BLINDS, AND MAYBE WATCH SOME MORNING SHOWS ON TV, BUT BASICALLY I AM NOT CONSTRUCTIVE TILL THE LATE AFTERNOON , AND EVENING.

JIMMY IS THE OPPOSITE.....UP AT 6 AM, HE IS DOING THINGS FROM THE MORNING...HE WAS ALWAYS BUSY IN THE HOUSEHOLD, AND I WOULD HEAR HIM IN THE BACKGROUND....IT NEVER BOTHERED ME, BUT I FOUND IT SOOTHING, TO HEAR HIM DOING THINGS........TV ON., BACON AND EGGS BEING MADE....HE WOULD GO OUT FOOD SHOPPING AT 7AM, WHEN THE STORE OPENED.  HE WAS BACK BY 8 AM, BRINGING ME BREAKFAST.  HE WOULD BE DOING THE HOUSEWORK, AND STARTING TO COOK DINNER, AS I WOULD CRAWL BACK IN TO BED, UNDER THE WARM COVERS.  JIMMY TRIED TO CHANGE ME....TO MAKE ME GET UP EARLY.  BUT HE JUST NEVER COULD.  I TRIED TO CHANGE MY WAYS, AND I'LL TRY HARDER, TO GET IN SYNCH WITH HIM, WHEN HE COMES HOME.  FINALLY, JIMMY DID REALIZE THAT MY CIRCADIAN BODY RYTHMS WERE DIFFERENT THAN HIS, AND IT WAS BECAUSE I WORKED THE NIGHT SHIFT MY WHOLE LIFE.  HE REALIZED THAT I CAN GET UP IN THE AFTERNOON AND DO MORE WORK AND GET MORE ACCOMPLISHED LATER IN THE DAY, THAN MOST PEOPLE THAT GET UP AT THE CRACK OF DAWN.....

IT WAS 2001, IN LAS VEGAS, IN OUR 2-STORY TOWN-HOUSE.  I WAS SLEEPING IN THE BEDROOM,UPSTAIRS.   JIMMY WAS WORKIMG ON THE COMPUTER, IN THE "COMPUTER ROOM," NEXT DOOR.  HE CALLED ME, "FRAN, COME HERE, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING." (HE DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS STILL SLEEPING)......I GOT OUT OF BED, AND WALKED TO HIM, HAIR TOSSLED, SLEEPY-EYED.....HE PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME, AND PULLED ME TO HIM.  "YOU ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU FIRST GET UP.  YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE SLEEPY- EYED PEOPLE, AND IT TAKES YOU AT LEAST 20 MINUTES TO FULLY WAKE UP."   HE WAS RIGHT!  THAT'S HOW I AM.....

JIMMY ALWAYS LOVED TO TAKE PIX OF ME SLEEPING.  HE HAS LOTS OF THOSE....EVEN ON THE PLANE, FLYING BACK FROM JERSEY, TO LAS VEGAS, FIRST CLASS.  HE HAS ALL THOSE PIX IN PRISON WITH HIM.  HE EITHER HANGS THEM ON HIS BED, OR HIS LOCKER.....WHEN AT BAYSIDE PRISON, THE FIRST TIME AROUND, HE HAD MADE AROUND 6 PHOTO ALBUMS OF ME, THE PETS AND OUR HOUSEHOLD....EVEN THE OTHER INMATES SAY, 'GEE YOU LIKE TO PHOTOGRAPH YOUR WIFE WHEN SHE'S SLEEPING!"

LAST NIGHT, I STARTED READING ONE OF THE BOOKS I BOUGHT JIMMY, BUT WHICH WERE SHIPPED BACK HERE.  IT IS "THE DA VINCI CODE DECODED,' by MARTIN LUNN.  IT IS A NON-FICTION BOOK, WITH ACTUAL FACTS.  YOU SEE, MOST PEOPLE THINK THAT THE STORY, 'THE DA VINCI CODE,' IS A NEW CONCEPT.  IT IS NOT.  I HAVE BELEIVED AND READ ABOUT THIS FOR MANY YEARS, GOING BACK TO THE LATE 70'S AND 80'S...EVERYONE TODAY, IS EXCITED TO HEAR ABOUT THIS, BUT I AM NOT...I WAS AWARE OF IT, WAY BACK THEN. 

AND SO, I ENJOYED READING ABOUT THE ACTUAL LIFE OF LEONARDO DA VINCI.........I AM A NON-FICTION READER......I LIKE THE ACTUAL FACTS, OR HISTORY....I GET EXCITED ABOUT THE FACTUAL HISTORY, ETC......TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND HOW IT WAS IN THAT DAY AND ERA....TO BE TRANSPORTED  BACK TO ANOTHER DAY AND AGE..........AND SO, I READ ABOUT THE MONA LISA, WHICH I AM ONE OF THE FORTUNATE ONES, WHO ACTUALLY SAW IT IN "THE LOUVRE" MUSEUM, IN PARIS, IN THE 1980'S ON ONE OF MY SEVERAL TRIPS TO PARIS.......

I READ ABOUT JESUS, MARY MAGDELLAN, AND THE LIFE AS IT WAS THEN....

I READ ABOUT "OPUS DEI," WHICH IS IN EXISTENCE TODAY.

THE MATERIAL IS CONTROVERSY, AND SO, I WOULD NOT LIKE TO GET INTO IT...RELIGION, THAT IS.

HOWEVER, AS I SAID, THIS IS THE TYPE OF STUFF I'VE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED IN, AND HAVE ALWAYS READ ABOUT........JIMMY SAYS I AM ALWAYS AHEAD OF THE TREND........AND NOW, THE TREND IS  THE BOOK, "THE DA VINCI CODE."  WHEN YOUNGER, I ENJOYED FICTIONAL STORIES....I READ ABOUT EVERY ROMANCE NOVEL THERE IS AND MYSTERY AND SUSPENCE.....HOWEVER, IN THE PAST 20 YEARS OR SO, I ENJOY NON-FICTION, AND MY LIBRARY OF BOOKS AT HOME, LEAN TOWARDS SUBJECTS THAT ARE UNUSUAL.....................AND SO, LIKE I SAID, I ENJOYED READING ABOUT THIS UNUSUAL MAN, LEONARDO DA VINCI, A GENIUS IN ART, SCULPTURE........HE LEARNED ANATOMY OF THE HUMAN BODY BY DISECTING HUMAN CORPSES, SO HE COULD DRAW OR SCULPT THEM....IT TOOK HIM SOMETIMES 4 OR 5 YEARS TO DO A PAINTING.......HE WAS AN EXTREMELY FASCINATING AND UNUSUAL MAN.......HE WAS A GENIUS, JUST LIKE EINSTEIN......AND I AM FASCINATED TO LOOK INTO A PERSON'S MIND, AND SEE WHAT MAKE PEOPLE TICK.......

YOU MAY ASK, "HOW DO YOU READ SO MUCH FRAN, BEING DIAGNOSED AS LEGALLY BLIND?"..........I ASK MYSELF THE SAME THING, AND I AMAZE THE EYE DOCTOR, AND EVERYONE AROUND ME.  I ASK THE EYE DOCTOR. EVERYTIME I SEE HIM , WHICH IS EVERY 6 MONTHS, IF IT IS OK FOR ME TO KEEP READING.  TIME AND TIME AGAIN, HIS ANSWER IS ALWAYS THE SAME.... HE SAYS "YES," AND THAT IT IS ACTUALLY STRENGTHENING MY LEFT EYE, WHICH HAS THE BETTER EYESIGHT......THE ONE EYE I AM READING WITH HAS ACTUALLY GOT 10 POINTS BETTER FROM A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.......HOWEVER, THE EYE DOCTOR ALWAYS TELLS ME, I AM WORKING EXTRA HARD TO READ, AND SEE...DOUBLY HARD AS A NORMAL PERSON WITH NORMAL EYESIGHT.  THAT MY EYES GET TIRED SO MUCH MORE QUICKLY...AND THE TRUTH IS, I DON'T SEE EVERY WORD EITHER, AND CAN'T SCAN AS I ONCE DID, VERY FAST...I SEEM TO MISS OUT ON THINGS.......THAT'S WHY I TEND TO MAKE A LOT OF SPELLING MISTAKES, HERE, IN THIS JOURNAL....NO MATTER HOW I TRY TO CORRECT THEM , I JUST SEEM TO "MISS" SOME LETTERS......

I TELL YOU ALL THIS, BECAUSE ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IN LIFE, IF YOU SO WISH IT......IF YOU BELIEVE IT, IT WILL BE MANIFESTED. 

I KNOW THAT I SEEM TO MANY, TO BE A WOMAN, SITTING HERE WAITING FOR JIMMY,  BUT ALONG WITH THAT, I AM AN INDEPTH PERSON, WHO IS VERY INTERESTED IN THE WORLD, HISTORY,ART, EDUCATION, SCIENCE, AND METAPHYSICS, AMONGST OTHER THINGS............THROUGH YOUR READING, AND ACQUIRING OF KNOWLEDGE, YOU CAN BE MORE CONNECTED TO THE MAN YOU LOVE, WHILE HE SITS IN PRISON.  YOUR MINDS CAN "CONNECT," AS JIMMY AND MINE DO...........YOU WILL BEGIN TO REALIZE THAT THE PASSAGE OF TIME, IS ALMOST A MANIFESTATION OF HOW WE PERCEIVE THINGS IN OUR MINDS......YESTERDAY CAN BE TODAY, TODAY CAN BE TOMORROW,,,IT IS ALL HOW WE PERCEIVE IT.......WITH THE PASSAGE OF JIMMY'S PRISON TERM, THIS UNDERSTANDING OF TIME, MAKES MORE AND MORE SENSE TO US......WE ARE MORE AWARE OF IT...WE HAVE MORE OF AN IN-DEPTH FEELING OF THE PASSAGE OF TIME, AND WHAT IT MEANS.  TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, THEY BUILD THEIR LIFE ON WEEK-DAYS, MONTHS, HOLIDAYS, ETC...THEY BUILD THEIR LIVES AROUND A CLOCK...BUT FOR JIMMY AND U, WE HAVE LEARND OTHER-WISE THROUGH OUR EXPERIENCE...TIME IS NOT REALLY EXISTENT........THE REALITY OF TIME, DOES NOT EXIST...ONLY OUR LOVE AND CONNECTION EXISTS, WHICH IS INFINITE......ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE.......YOU MUST GO THROUGH THIS , TO ACTUALLY EXPERIENCE IT...AND YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO UNDERSTAND IT, BECAUSE IT IS THE GREATEST GIFT TO BE BESTOWED UPON YOU, ONCE YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN IT....THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE PASSAGE OF TIME, THAT IS...THEN, YOU WILL REALIZE THE ONLY CONNECTION YOU ACTUALLY HAVE IS WITH GOD, THE UNIVERSE, AND THE PERSON YOU LOVE AND ARE METAPHYSICALLY CONNECTED TO.  THOSE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN OUR WORLD...NOT THE CLOCK, OR THE CALENDER, OR WHATEVER MATERIAL THINGS YOU LIVE FOR.

WELL, THE PHONE STILL HAS NOT RUNG...JIMMY HASN'T GOTTEN HIS PIN YET........

AND SO, I WILL SHARE WITH YOU A POEM I WROTE , AND GOT PUBLISHED IN A BOOK OF POEMS, IN 2003, THE YEAR JIMMY WAS INCARCERATD....IT WAS ONE OF THOSE TIMES THAT WE COULD NOT SPEAK ON THE PHONE, AND I WAITED FOR HIS CALL.

 

                                "THE SILENT RING"

                 THE SILENCE OF THE PHONE,

                 THE RING THAT NO LONGER RINGS.

                 MY LOVE, I THINK OF YOU.

                 I SEE YOU IN MY THOUGHTS,

                 I HEAR YOU WHISPER WORDS OF LOVE.

                THE SILENCE OF THE RING IS SO LOUD.

                IT IS THE ENDLESS WAIT.

                                                BY FRANCES R.

                                                 (COPY-RIGHTED 2003, AND

                                                 PUBLISHED IN "THE COLORS

                                                 OF LIFE")