THE FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THIS JOURNAL

IT IS EXACTLY ONE YEAR SINCE I STARTED WRITING THIS JOURNAL, "REFLECTIONS OF A PRISON WIFE."  IT WAS A COLD, BLEAK, NEW YEAR'S EVE, LAST YEAR WHEN JIMMY CALLED ME FROM THE PRISON.  HE TOLD ME TO GO ON AOL, AND START WRITING MY THOUGHTS IN A BLOG....IN A JOURNAL.  AND SO, I DID JUST THAT.  AND MY JOURNAL BECAME MY FRIEND.  MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS FLOWED OUT.  IT WAS A PURGING OF MY SOUL.  AND ALONG THE WAY, I MET SOME WONDERFUL PEOPLE.  MANY BECAME MY FRIENDS...GRETCHEN, DAWN, SUSAN, BILL, SUGAR.....AND SO MANY OTHERS READ THIS JOURNAL, WHO STOPPED BY, IN THEIR BUSY DAY, TO TAKE A GLIMPSE AT WHAT I HAD WRITTEN.  SOME LEFT COMMENTS, OTHERS DIDN'T. ...AND ALONG THE WAY, AOL SOMEHOW FOUND MY JOURNAL, AND FEATURED IT ON THE AOL PEOPLE FRIENDS AND FLIRTS PAGE...THE COMMUNITY PAGE.....AND I WAS HAPPY AND THRILLED ABOUT THAT.  AND TO THIS DAY, 1 YEAR LATER, OVER 4,700 PEOPLE HAVE READ IT.  ....I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU MY THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, AND MAYBE A LITTLE ADVICE.  I LET YOU STEP INTO MY LIFE, AND TAKE A GLIMPSE AT ME....WHAT GOES ON IN THE LIFE OF A PRISON WIFE.   THE UPS, THE DOWNS....THE INS THE OUTS....THE OTHERWISE BORING AND MUNDANE LFE OF A WOMAN WHOSE HUSBAND HAS BEEN IN PRISON FOR 21 MONTHS, WHO PATIENTLY WAITS FOR HIM....MANY OF YOU THINK, "WHY NOT STEP OUT, FRAN, AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.".....I DO HAVE  A GOOD TIME, IN A VERY QUIET AND UNUSUAL WAY.....A LIFE OF SOLITUDE...STAYING CONNECTED TO JIMMY VIA THE PHONE...........LETTERS..........CREATIVE IMAGINATION WHEN I LAY IN BED WITH HIM.................STRANGE, BUT ALL TRUE.

WHEN I COMPARE MYSELF, AND OUR MARRIAGE SINCE LAST YEAR, I THINK I / WE HAVE PROGRESSED........A STONGER, CLOSER MARRIAGE.......CEMENTED NOT ONLY IN LOVE, BUT TRUST, TOO...........A LOVE STILL FILLED WITH THE ELEMENTS OF SEXUAL ENERGY, AND YES, FRIENDSHIP.........A STRONG BOND BETWEEN US..........LIKE A ROPE MADE OF STEEL, THAT NO ONE CAN EVER COME BETWEEN...NO ONE CAN EVER BREAK.........

AS FOR ME, I'M  HEALHIER, MINUS 1 TOE......STRONGER.....THINNER.......A LITTLE OLDER, BUT MY HUSBAND SAYS PRETTIER................QUIETER...........MORE PENSIVE.............AND YES, A WRITER....................AND I HOPE TO CONTINUE WRITING, UNTIL I REALLY BECOME GOOD AT IT!........................

AND SO, AS WE GO INTO THIS NEW YEAR, I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR STICKING BY ME.........I'D LIKE TO WISH YOU ALL A HEALTHY, HAPPY, AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR...............AND MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS AND WISHES COME TRUE................HAPPY 2005!

.....................................LOVE, FRAN...........A PRISON WIFE 

SUNAMI

AND NOW, TONIGHT, I WOULD LIKE TO WRITE ABOUT THE TERRIBLE DISASTER THAT HAS TAKEN PLACE ON OUR PLANET......THE SUNAMI.

FOR THE SUNAMI ITSELF, IT IS NOTHING TERRIBLE, BUT A NORMAL COURSE OF EVENTS THAT TOOK PLACE IN NATURE.  THE EARTH IS NOT A SOLID BALL OF HARDNESS, BUT IS MADE UP OF PLATES.  THESE PLATES MOVE BACK AND FORTH, AND OCCASIONALLY, THE PLATES GET STUCK.....WHEN THE PLATES JOLT AND MOVE TO TRY TO GET UNSTUCK, A SUNAMI OCCURS.....IT IS NOT THE OCEANS FAULT...IT IS NOT THE WAVES FAULT....THEY WERE JUST RESPONDING TO A NATURAL COURSE OF NATURE....WE AS HUMAN BEINGS ARE SMALL CREATURES, LIKE TINY ANTS, UPON OUR PLANET....WE ARE MINISCULE WITHIN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM....OUR SOLAR SYSTEM WITHIN OTHER SOLAR SYSTEMS....WHERE DOES IT ALL BEGIN AND END.....NO ONE KNOWS....AND OUR BRAINS CAN BARELY COMPREHEND IT......BUT, AS JIMMY TOLD ME TODAY, "FRAN, WE ARE IMPORTANT AS HUMAN BEINGS, AS WE ARE CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF GOD."

I LIVED IN CALIFORNIA, SO EARTHQUAKES WERE A DAILY FACT OF LIFE...EVEN IN LAS VEGAS, I WAS IN AT LEAST 2 LARGE EARTHQUAKES....IN ONE, MY HOUSE SWAYED, AS I RAN DOWN THE STAIRCASE, TRYING TO GET OUTSIDE.....ALL MY WINDCHIMES SWAYED, AND CHIMED IN UNISON.....EARTHQUAKES MAKE ME FEEL NAUSEATED AND DIZZY...AND CLAUSTRAPHOBIC....I JUST GOT TO GET OUTSIDE TO THE  FRESH AIR.  IN ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE, I WAS IN A CASINO....ALL THE SLOT MACHINES WENT BLANK....PEOPLE RAN OUT OF THEIR HOTELS INTO THE STREETS....IN CALIFORNIA, YOU GET USED TO HOW AN EARTHQUAKE "FEELS."...SO WHEN LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, WHEN AN EARTHQUAKE STRUCK, LIKE IN THE CASINO, I WOULD CALMLY SAY OUTLOUD, "WE ARE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE."....PEOPLE WOULD LOOK AT ME, AND SAY 'WE ARE?'....AFTER AWHILE, YOU GET TO KNOW THE FEELING.........SOMETIMES THE DIZZINESS, AND HEART PALPITATIONS LAST FOR A FEW WEEKS LATER..............I WORKED WITHA NURSE WHO HAD HUGH HEADACHES WHEN AN EARTHQUAKE STRUCK.

IN 1982, I WAS IN INDIA....SOUTHEAST ASIA, ON VACATION....IT WAS IN THIS TIME OF YEAR....THE BEST TIME OF YEAR TO GO THERE...I SPENT 5 WEEKS IN INDIA...........FROM DELHI, TO BOMBAY, TO POONA, TO GOA, A PORTUGEUSE COLONY..............GOA IS REALLY NOT TOO FAR FROM SRI LANKA......IT IS IN SOUTH INDIA, AND IS A BEAUTIFUL RESORT AREA....PALM TREES, BLUE OCEAN, BEAUTIFUL WEATHER....JUST A PARADISE, TO PUT IT PLAINLY........PLACES LIKE THAT ARE DREAM COME TRUES, AS YOU LAY OUT ON THE BEAUTIFUL BEACHES, OR AROUND THE POOL.........RELAXATION....FUN....PLEASURE.....NOT A TENSION IN THE WORLD.................I JUST COULD NOT IMAGINE HAVING THIS SUNAMI TAKE PLACE, OUT OF NO WHERE.....INTO A BEAUTIFUL, PEACEFUL, WARM, TRNQUIL DAY....IT IS UNBELIEVABLE....UNTHINKABLE........................

WE STAYED IN GOA, IN A BEAUTIFUL RESORT HOTEL.....WE HAD OUR OWN THATCHED ROOF BUNGALOW......IT WAS ON A HIGHER ELEVATION, OVERLOOKING THE OCEAN.....I STILL HAVE THE PICTURES....I REMEMBER IT PERFECTLY.......TOURISTS WERE EUROPEAN, SCANDINAVIAN...BRITISH........GOOD FOOD, DRINKS, AND MERRIMENT.................AND NOW, TO SEE THIS HAPPENING IN THE YEAR 2004.....

WILL NATURE BE THE DESTRUCTION OF OUR PLANET?....OR WILL MAN DESTROY HIMSELF?.....WE DON'T KNOW..........BUT I DO KNOW, EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON NATURE......GRAVITY......THE PERFECT BALANCE AND HARMONY OF THE PLANETS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM.....THE ATOMS IN OUR BODIES............EVERYTHING IN PERFECTION.........CREATED THAT WAY  BY GOD...........FOR NO PLANET TO GO OFF BALANCE, NOT EVEN A HAIRLINE..............AND NOW, SEE WHAT HAS HAPPENED...........SCIENTISTS BELIEVE THE SUNAMI HAS CAUSED A CHANGE IN THE EARTH ON IT'S AXIS............YES, THIS WILL AFFECT EVERY LIVING AND NON-LIVING CREATURE ON OUR PLANET, AND I BELIEVE ON OTHER PLANETS...........IT MAY THROW THE BODY OUT OF KILTER......PEOPLE MAY FEEL DEPRESSED, AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHY........BECAUSE EVERYTHING AFFECTS EVERYTHING ELSE..........I AM SURE WE WILL SEE CHANGES IN OUR WEATHER PATTERNS TOO.........WE JUST DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS IN STORE FOR US..........BUT WE MUST TRY TO MAINTAIN AS MUCH ORDER AND BALANCE AS POSSIBLE.......THE MOON AFFECTS OUR TIDES AND OUR EMOTIONS.....I WONDER HOW IT IS AFFECTING US ALL NOW............

WELL, GOING BACK TO INDIA, AND GOA.......I WAS ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES. I WAS NOT ONLY A TOURIST, BUT MINGLED WITH THE LOCALS TOO  WE VISITED PEOPLES HOMES.  THEY DRESSED ME IN SARI'S AND BANGLES, AND BRAIDED MY THEN LONG HAIR....WE VISITED MARKET PLACES.....I ATE INDIAN FOOD...AND LEARNED ALL THEIR CUSTOMS.....ON THE TV, IT ALL LOOKS SO FAMILIAR.......THE PEOPLE, THE CHILDREN, THE FAMILIES....IT IS ALL SO SAD...........

FOR SOME STRANGE REASON, AS THE SUNAMI STRUCK SOUTHEAST ASIA, I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOUSE FOR 4 DAYS, FEELING NAUSEATED AND WITH GASTROINTESTINAL SYMPTOMS..........I JUST HAVE NOT BEEN MYSELF.......I EVEN REFUSED TO TALK TO JIMMY ON THE PHONE THESE DAYS, AND I KNOW I UPSET HIM..........TODAY I FINALLY TALKED TO HIM, AND EVERYTHING IS NOW OK.  IT WAS LIKE A VERY BIG GLOOM CAME OVER ME.....IT SEEMED ALL SO BLEAK.....IT STARTED SATURDAY NITE, WHEN I RETURNED HOME FROM KINTOCK.......I TRIED ON THE PHONE TO EXPLAIN THIS GLOOM TO JIMMY.......HE TOLD ME TO GO TO SLEEP, GET THROUGH THE NITE, AND BY TOMORROW IT WOULD PASS .  I DID THAT, BUT THE FEELING DID NOT PASS UNTIL TODAY, WEDNESDAY......I AM KNOWN BY OTHERS AS A HIGHLY SENNSITIVE PERSON....I SENNSE WHEN THINGS ARE ABOUT TO HAPPEN....IT HAPPEN DYAS BEFORE THE OKLAHOMA BOMBINGS, AND THEN AGAIN FOR 911.........IT IS AN INDESCRIBABLE IMPENDING DOOM THAT OVERTAKES ME........I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT AT THE TIME, BUT WHEN THE EVENT OCCURS, THEN I KNOW, JUST WHY I FELT LIKE I DID....................FOR EXAMPLE, 2 WEEKS BEFORE 911, JIMMY TOOK ME TO NEW YORK....THE CITY I LOVE NAD LIVED THERE FOR 16 YEARS.  AS SOON AS WE ARRIVED, I WANTED TO LEAVE.  I FELT AN INTENSE DOOM AND GLOOM....I FELT INTENSELY DEPRESSED...AND EVERYTHING AROUND ME LOOKED GREY AND BLACK.....I STARTED TELLING HIM, I WANTED TO LEAVE NEW YORK, AND GET AWAY.........I WAS SO SHOCKED AT MYSELF TO SEE THIS........I SAW AND FELLT DEVISTATION IN NEW YORK.........I WAS CRYING, AND ONLY FELT RELIEF WHEN WE LEFT......

PEOPLE TELL ME I AM PSYCHIC.........I TRY NOT TO BE, BUT OTHERS TELL ME SO......HOWEVER, THIS KIND OF THING THAT HAPPENS TO ME BEFORE LARGE WORLD NAD NATIONAL DISASTERS TAKE PLACE IS GETTING KIND OF SCARY...................I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE WHY I AM BEING GIVEN THIS GIFT OF PREMONITION.......AND BELIEVE ME, IT IS NOT A NICE THING TO FEEL....IT IS LIKE I FEEL THE PAIN OF THE SUFFERING PEOPLE INTENSIFIED WITHIN ME................IT STARTED AS A CHILD, WHEN I WOULD HAVE DREAMS THAT PREDICTED FIRES , THAT WOULD BE IN THE NEWS MEDIA THE NEXT DAY......................

I WOULD LIKE TO CLOSE WITH THIS QUOTE FROM A PERSON IN SRI LANKA.......................

.........."I FEEL VERY ALONE.  I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE ANY FUTURE."

LET US PRAY FOR THIS INDIVIDUAL, ALONG WITH THE 70,000 DEAD, AND COUNTING, THE OTHERS WHO ARE LEFT WITHOUT MOTHERS, FATHERS, HUSBANDS, WIVES.....FAMILIES WIPED OUT......TOTAL DEVISTATION........ONLY GOD HIMSELF HAS THE ANSWER FOR ALL OF THIS................WE ARE TOO MINISCULE TO REALLY COMPREHEND ANND UNDERSTAND JUST WHY THESE THINGS HAPPEN ON OUR PLANET.

AND LET US TAKE A MOMENT TO TELL OUR LOVED ONES......'I LOVE YOU."

THOSE WORDS AND MOMENTS ARE REALLY WHAT COUNTS..................SENDING MY LOVE TO ALL OF YOU....FRAN AND JIMMY

CHRISTMAS AT KINTOCK

I SAW JIMMY YESTERDAY AT KINTOCK.....THE RULES CHANGED ONCE AGAIN, AND I WAS ABLE TO BRING HOME-COOKED FOOD.......SO I BROUGHT LASAGNA, AND CHICKEN, AND LOADS OF OTHER STUFF.....I HAD 5 CHRISTMAS BAGS FILLED WITH GIFTS, AND HE HAD A PRESENT FOR ME.....EVERYTHING WAS GREAT AND HAPPY AND FESTIVE....WE STAYED 4 HOURS.....IT WAS A BEAUTIFU; BRIGHT SUNNY DAY, THROUGH THE FARMLANDS OF NEW JERSEY.............AND THEN I GOT HOME, TO A LONELY HOUSE, WITH MY 3 PETS WAITING............AND THEN ONCE AGAIN, I GOT SICK.....TO MY STOMACH............IT MUST BE PSYCHOLOGICAL.  I JUST DON'T KNOW....I HAD BARELY EATEN ALL DAY.......AND WHEN I GOT HOME, IT ALL STRUCK ME LIKE A BOLT OF LIGHTENING.....I FELT SO DEPRESSED , AND I STARTED CRYING...AND THEN LATER I STARTED VOMITING.....JIMMY CALLED ME AS SOON AS I GOT HOME....HE COMFORTED ME, WHEN I SHOUD BE THE ONE COMFORTING ME....I THINK HE REALIZES ALL THIS HAS A DEEP PROFOUND AFFECT ON ME...I JUST CAN'T HELP IT.....THERE ARE NO WORDS THAT CAN HELP ME...ONLY TIME WILL HELP ME, WHEN I CAN FORGET THIS EPISODE OF MY LIFE.......IT'S JUST HAT THOSE "PRISON PLACES' MAKE ME LITERALLY FEEL SICK....AND I NEVER REALIZE IT UNTIL I GET HOME.....WHEN I WAS A TEEN-AGER , IN NURSES TRAINING, I HAD TO VISIT ALL THOSE TERRIBLE INSTITUTIINS, AND I FOUND IT TERRIBLY DEPRESSING....IT AFFECTS ME IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH....I HAD TO GOT TO RAHWAY PRISON, FOR MY TRAINING, AND ATE LUNCH IN THE CAFETERIA...A HAMBURGER.....WELL, I REMEMBER I JUST COULDN';T EAT IT, AND I WAS SICK TO MY STOMACH, FOR WEEKS LATER.  SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT THE INMATES COOKED THE FOOD, AND I JUST COULD NOT EAT  ANYMORE........WELL, JIMMY TOLD ME THAT WHERE HE IS, IN KINTOCK, INMATES ONLY COOK FOR INMATES....NOT FOR OFFICERS OR ANYOINE ELSE...................AND IN MY NURSES TRAINING I HAD TO GO TO PLACES LIKE GREYSTONE PSYCH INSTITUTION, AND MARLBORO PSYCH........ALSO CARRIER CLINIC..........ALL THESE PLACES WERE LOCATED IN THESE STRANGE REMOTE, COUNTRY AREAS OF NEW JERSEY.......AND I STILL REMEMBER IT WELL.........I KEEP ASKING JIMMY THAT WHEN HE COMES HOME, PLEASE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THIS EPISODE OF OUR LIFE AGAIN...HE SAYS OK, HE WON;T.........I'M JUST SAYING THAT TO BE DIFFICULT, I GUESS.....................JIMMY KEEPS SAYING I WOULDN';T BE NORMAL IF I WASN;'T SOMEWHAT UPSET ABOUT THIS EPIOSODE OF LIFE.....SO I GUESS IT'S OK TO HAVE MY CRAZY THOUGHTS , AT TIMES.....THEY ARE NOT REALLY CRAZY, BUT SORT OF MIXED UP....THEY COME AND GO...........ANYHOW, I WAS GLAD O GET HOME, TO THE PLACE I FEEL SAFE AND SECURE IN........IN HERE, NO ONE CAN HURT ME OR HARM ME....I AM WARM AND SAFE, WITH 3 LOVING PETS.........WITH A PHONE IN WHICH MY HUSBAND TALKS TO ME.........WHAT A STARNGE WORLD MY LIFE HAS BECOME........I JUST DON'T LIKE GOING OUT IN THE WORLD ANYMORE...IT MAKES ME FEEL APPREHENSIVE...LIKE I WANT TO RUN BACK HOME..........

AND SO, ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE LIFE OF A PRISON WIFE........ANOTHER DAY OVER....ANOTHER CHRISTAMAS OVER.........AND NOW, ONWARD , TO THE FUTURE........I'M GLAD TOMORROW WILL BE TOMORROW, AND TODAY WILL BE OVER..................................FRAN, THE WIFE OF A PRISONER

MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!.....I HOPE THAT YOU ALL HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY, DESPITE WHATEVER CIRCUMSTANCES YOU MAY BE GOING THROUGH AT THIS TIME.........

WELL, FOR ME, LIFE HAS BEEN QUIET , AS USUAL, AND I JUST CONSTANTLY DAYDREAM ABOUT JIMMY.  HE SAID TO ME TONITE, ON THE PHONE..."FRAN, YOU AND I ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE USED TO GOING OUT"....MINGLING WITH THE WORLD....BEING HAPPY AND JOYFUL AT ALL TIMES....GOING TO DINNER, AND SHOWS....TRAVELING AROUND THE COUNTRY, AND THE WORLD.......GOING TO THE MOVIES...CASINOS...SHOPPING..........CELEBRATING AT ALL TIMES............AND THEN, GOING HOME AND MAKING LOVE, OVER AND OVER AGAIN............FOR US, THAT IS ONE THING WE NEVER GET TIRED OF........ALL DAY, AND ALL NITE..............EVERYDAY.....

  ON SATURDAY, CHRISTMAS DAY, I WILL GO TO VISIT JIMMY FOR 4 HOURS.......WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BRING FOOD, SO WE MAY CALL OUT FOR CHINESE FOOD.....THE LIFE OF A PRISON WIFE IS SO STRANGE........I JUST CAN'T GET USED TO IT...........TO  "VISIT' MY HUSBAND, IN AN INSTITUTION.......IT ALL SEEMS SO UNNATURAL.............AND SO THESE PAST DAYS I'VE BEEN QUIET....NOT MUCH ENTHUSIASM FOR ANYTHING.....EXCEPT TALKING TO JIMMY. .........IS THIS NATURAL, TO BE SO DEDICATED TO A MAN WHO IS LOCKED UP, OR SHOULD I GO OUT PARTYING, LIKE SO MANY OF YOU PRISON WIVES DO............NOPE, I'M IN LOVE WITH JIMMY, AND DEDICATED TO HIM.........

  I'VE BEEN PAINTING SUN-CATCHERS THIS PAST WEEK TO GIVE AS PRESENTS TO MY AUNT, SISTER, AND NIECE.....I ALWAYS LIKED DOING IT, BUT IT HAS REALLY GOTTEN TOO DIFFICULT WITH MY EYESIGHT....I CAN NO LONGER DISTINGUISH BETWEEN CERTAIN  COLORS....LIKE BLUE AND GREEN...........AND SO I PAINTED THE LEAVES BLUE, INSTEAD OF GREEN, AND I HOPE NO ONE NOTICES!.............

  ON CHRISTMAS EVE, I WILL GO OUT TO DINNER AT THE LANDMARK INN, WITH MY AUNT , SISTER, AND NIECE.....MY RICH AUNT ALWAYS TAKES US OUT TO A FANCY RESTAURANT ON CHRISTMAS EVE.......SO I WILL ENJOY IT.............THE NEXT DAY, I'LL GO SEE JIMMY, BRINGING HIM GIFTS, AND HE SAYS HE HAS A GIFT FOR ME...............I ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING PREPARED TO BRING TO JIMMY.

   I HAVE SADLY LEARNED NOT TO DEPEND ON ANYTHING....EVEN GOOD NEWS.........I PREFER TO REMAIN NUMB ANND EMOTIONLESS.....IT IS EASIER THAT WAY........THAT IS WHAT THE "SYSTEM" DOES TO AN INDIVIDUAL..........

  JIMMY SAYS THAT I AM DEPRESSED.......I DON'T REALLY THINK I AM.........IN MY PRESENT SITUATION, IT IS NORMAL TO BE SOMEWHAT DEPRESSED..........IT WOULD BE ABNORMAL, IF I WERE RUNNING AROUND, PARTYING AND MESSING AROUND.........LIFE IS VERY FUNNY........AT LEAST I KNOW THAT MY POSITION IN LIFE RIGHT NOW IS BETWEEN THE SLATES OF LIFE..............JIMMY SAYS HE WILL PULL ME OUT OF IT WHEN HE GETS HOME, AND EVERYTHING WILL RETURN TO NORMAL.........AND I KNOW THAT HE WILL, AND IT WILL.........ALL RETURN TO NORMAL........HOWEVER, SHEDDING A LITTLE HUMOR ON THE SUBJECT, WHEN JIMMY GETS HOME, WE'LL HAVE TO REMAIN TALKING TO ONE ANOTHER ON OUR CELL PHONES.....I DON'T THINK I COULD EXIST WITHOUT TALKING TO JIMMY ON THE PHONE.......FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS, WE TALK EVERYDAY, AT LEAT 3-5 TIMES, OR MORE  A DAY, ON THE PHONE........OUR RELATIONSHIP IS DEFINETLY BUILT AROUND TELEPHONES..........WHAT A STANGE WORLD OUR SOCIETY HAS BECOME!

  THE GOOD NEWS, IS THAT THE NEWSPAPER CALLED ME TODAY, AND MY STORY WILL BE PUBLISHED IN THE NEWSPAPER ON CHRISTMAS DAY........IT WILL VBE IN THE 'ASBURY PARK PRESS,".........UNDER CHRISTMAS MEMORIES.......THEY LOVED MY STORY!......IT IS ONLY 100 WORDS LONG..........IT WILL MOST LIKELY ALSO BE ON THEIR WEB-SITE ON CHRISTMAS DAY, TOO...SO IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, YOU CAN READ IT THERE........THE STORY IS TITLED, " NEWLYWEDS...A ROMANTIC CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS."............iIT IS ABOUT OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS TOGETHER, IN LAS VEGAS....HOW JIMMY WINED AND DINED ME, FOR THE WHOLE SEASON.....IT HAD TO BE ONLY 100 WORDS, SO I REALLY COULDN'T TELL EVERYTHING!..........WHAT I LOVE ABOUT WRITING, IS TO FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT THE PUBLICATION IS LOOKING FOR....AND THEN, TO CONSTRUCT A STORY THAT WILL FIT INTO THE NEWSPAPER OR MAGAZINE.....THAT IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT...........TO CRREATE SOMETHING THAT WILL ATTRACT OTHERS.......TO MAKE IT INTERESTING..........TO TAKE AN OTHERWISE BORING SUBJECT, AND CREATE SOMETHING TO ATTRACT THE PUBLIC.................OUR WORLD ANDSOCIETY IS BASED ON "SENSATIONLISM"...AND THAT IS WHAT WRITERS AND SCREEN-WRITERS DO..................THE ART OF FINDING THAT NICHE...................

WELL, ONCE AGAIN, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, AND THANK YOU FOR READING THIS JOURNAL........IT'S JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE LIFE OF A PRISON WIFE, AS SHE AWAITS HER HUSBAND'S RETURN HOME, AFTER ALMOST 2 YEARS...................WITH LOVE,   FRAN

 

Getting into the holiday spirit!

Hi Everyone!

I didn't realize it has been so long since I wrote in this journal!  The days seem to be flying by!  I've been Christmas shopping for Jimmy, and getting ready for the meal I will cook and bring along on Christmas Day, to the half-way house.  I am cooking a lot , and Joimmy has invited a couple of other guys to eat with us!  I'll be cooking lasagna (one with meat, and one vegetarian, as his friend doesn't eat pork),  Italian sausage and meatballs, freshly grated parmesian cheese, Italian bread, Genoa salami (jimmy loves and request it), provolone cheese, ham, and a nice antipasto salad.  Also, I'll bake Christmas cookies, my famous ghiardelli brownies, and corn muffins (which Jimmy loves)...I also bought a panatone and some Italian chocolates.......also soda, and I almost forgot, I'll make roasted chicken.......Does that sound like enough?!......I hope it all fits in the car!  The friend driving me can always put the top down, as he has a convertible sports car!  The visit is for 4 hours, so we'll have plenty of time to eat!........I will wear my red holiday Christmas top, and a hooded woolen holiday jacket, embroidered with snowmen, etc.....So,. as you can see I'm kind of excited.........I love my husband so, and want to be a good wife to him, although he is in prison.....

This week I mailed 30 Christmas cards to our friends and families...some in New Jersey, and some in Las Vegas....Today, I sent Jimmy a big Santa Claus hat (so he can wear it when he cooks in the kitchen!).......I have sent him 3 Christmas cards, too....................As far as gifts, I bought him 5 long- sleeve shirts, a pair of gloves, and socks.  Today I picked up a cute pewter angel ornament, with the name "GRACE."....Grace was his mother's name, and he calls me Gracie, as a nickname, because I remind him of GRACIE ALLEN...always saying silly things...and the way i say it sounds just like her....Well, I can't help it!   It just comes natural....And when Jimmy talks to me, it sounds like Georghe Burns...the dialogue between us really makes people laugh!....The guys at the half-way house always ask him, "how's Gracie...what did Gracie say today?!".............

  And so, I have Jimmy's presents all wrapped up, and ready to go on Christmas day.  I will also buy him a cassette player, so he can listen to my singing tapes that i have recorded...............

  I have decorated Prince's room (MY DOG).....He likes the front porch as his own room, although he sleeps in our bedroom, too....both rooms are near to each other.  So I have an angel doll that lights up, a santa the moves and plays Christmas music, and the ballerina from the NUTCRACKER SUITE, that dances and plays music....I also have a large standing angel that lights up, looking out the window....On the back patio, I have a life-size santa , sitting in a chair, and a life-size snowman. standing up.........That will be it for this year.....Jimmy and I are big Christmas decorators....we have a beautiful white tree, and visctorian village with trian, people, etc....but it's a little too much for me to do it all alone....Well, tomorow i will take out 1 of our 3 nativity sets, and put it on display.....see what I mean!....We have lots of strands of lights, that Jimmy puts up...........Oh we do enjoy the holidays, that much I must say....The last Cristmas we were together was December 2002....I baked over 400 cookies, and around 6 fruitcakes.....we distributed everything to family and friends.........We had stockings hung up.....I had put our names on them with glitter.....5 stockings hung up, for Jimmy, me, the dog and 2 cats!..............Everynite, we would romantically sit on the couch, under the christmas tree, and Jimmy would read me a chapter from the children's book called, "THE LITTLE PRIncess.".......It is a very old story, which I remember reading when I was around 7 or 8 years old.  And shockingly, Jimmy and I found the book when we were Christmas shopping in the Hallmark Store.........It is a wonderful story, and I recommend it to all adults....Sometimes, we would lie in bed, and I would drift off to sleep, as he read to me........Jimmy is such a wondeful man.............

  And so, that last Christmas together, we went out for dinner with our family on Christmas eve, and then at midnight we went to Midnight Mass..........Yes, Christmas is truely a wonderful time of year.........And now, my favorite song is "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU!"

  This past week I have also been doing some crafts, and feel peaceful to get involved doing that.....As my Christmas gifts to my sister, aunt, niece, and a the friend who drives me to see Jimmy, i have painted 'sun-catchers."  I enjoy doing that, as they are so colorful, and it means more to give someone something you made yourself.  ..............I plan to start crocheting again , soon, and teach myself to knit (did it many years ago)........

  i SAW jIMMY CARTER on The Larry King show, yesterday, and he really influenced me alot........He has written around 16 books......He gets up early and writes om the computer, and then he loves to do wood-working, and has started painting too, with acrylics.....and he has such a strong marriage with Rosalyn.  When I spoke to my Jimmy tonite, he mentioned hearing the show on radio....he likes Carter very much, too......We are on the same wave-length, even seperated by 120 miles..........

  My story and pix of the cats is now out on the newstand....."TRUE LOVE MAGAZINE,"  JANUARY 2005 ISSUE....in the "pet shop."....misty and Jimbolook really great!......and I even get paid a small sum for that...$50.00!....................This week I sent out 2 more stories, and I have a few more I want to do!....The stories are always in my head and I just can't rest until I type them out!................Jimmy is in the process of contacting publishers for the book I have written...he says it is time now, to do that.............

Well, thank you all for reading my journal.....It is not easy to be a prisoner's wife. We create a special little world around us.....let us stick together..................FRAN

THE DAY BEFORE PAROLE BOARD FINALLY ARRIVED

THE DAY FINLLY ARRIVED.....JIMMY WENT BEFORE THE PAROLE BOARD TODAY.....HE WILL NOT BE COMING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS......IN FACT HE WON'T BE COMING HOME FOR X-MAS, NEW YEAR'S , VALENTINE'S DAY, OR EASTER....HE HAS BEEN GRANTED PAROLE FOR THE MIDDLE OF NEXT SUMMER........THAT IS AT LEAST 8 OR MORE MONTHS AWAY.........THAT IS ANOTHER ROUND OF DAYS AND HOLIDAYS ALONE, COUNTING MINUTES, AND TIME, UNTIL IT'S ALL OVER........

IN A FEW DAYS, THE PAROLE BOARD WILL SEND HIM A LETTER WITH THE EXACT DATE HE WILL BE SENT HOME......

AT LEAST, WE KNOW NOW, WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS, INSTEAD OF LIVING IN SUSPENDED ANIMATION.

THE OTHER OPTION MAY HAVE BEEN THAT THE PAROLE BOARD COULD HAVE SENT HIM BACK TO THE PRISON TODAY....I WOULD HAVE HAD NO NOTIFICATION OF THAT, AND JIMMY WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CALL ME FOR AT LEAST 2 WEEKS OR SO, TILL HIS PIN NUMBER FOR THE PHONE WAS TURNED ON....AND THEN THE PROCESS WOULD HAVE STARTED ALL OVER.........AND SO THIS IS A MILLION TIMES BETTER (HIM STAYING AT THE HALF-WAY HOUSE)........

JIMMY HAD CALLED ME LAST NIGHT, MONDAY AT 10PM, AND SAID IT WAS JUST POSTED THAT HE WAS GOING TO PAROLE IN THE MORNING AT 8:30 am.  THE GUYS THERE YELLED AT HIM, SAYING WHY DID YOU CALL YOUR WIFE LATE AT NITE TO WORRY HER.  NOW SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP.  WELL, THEY WERE WRONG!  WHEN I AM DEPRESSED I SLEEP...AND SLEEP....AND I JUST CAN;'T STOP SLEEPING........SO I SLEPT ALL NITE, INTO THE MORNING, MISSING BREAKFAST AND LUNCH, AND FINALLY HIS CALL CAME TO ME AT 2PM, WITH THE NEWS....HE HAD JUST RETURNED TO THE HALFWAY HOUSE.....AND HE CALLED ME RIGHT AWAY...........WE TALKED, BUT I STILL COULD REALLY BARELY TALK, BECAUSE WHEN I AM LIKE THAT, I STOP TALKING....I STOP THINKING.....I STOP EVERYTHING IN MY WORLD.....FINALLY AT 7PM, I GOT UP, FED THE DOG AND CATS, TOOK PRINCE OUTSIDE FOR A WALK.  I MADE SOME FOOD, WHICH I COULD BARELY EAT....AND MY BLOOD SUGARS TODAY WERE ALMOST PERFECT, AT 120 .................

........AND THEN, I SNAPPED OUT OF IT, AND STARTED WRITING LIKE CRAZY........I HAVE ALREADY STARTED A FULL- FEATURE STORY FOR "TRUE ROMANCE."..................YOU SEE, JIMMY AND I HAVE ONCE AGAIN DECIDED TO MAKE THIS THE MOST PRODUCTIVE TIME THAT WE CAN......WE ARE ALREADY PLANNING THE FUTURE.................

NEXT WEEK HE WILL BE STARTING A NEW JOB.  HE WILL BE SENDING ME THOSE PAYCHECKS HOME.......

NEXT WEEK I WILL BE BUYING HIM SOME NEW SHIRTS, PANTS, SOCKS, GLOVES AND SCARF FOR CHRISTMAS.........ON THANKSGIVING DAY, I BROUGHT HIM SEVERAL SHIRTS......THE GUYS HAVE TOLD HIM, "GEE JIMMY, YOU ARE DRESSING SO NICELY SINCE YOUR WIFE VISITED!"............

I'LL SAY GOOD-NIGHT, NOW.........ANOTHER COLD AND LONELY NIGHT ALONE.........I GUESS 8 MORE MONTHS REALLY WON'T MATTER..........

THE HALF-WAY HOUSE

LIFE AT THE HALF-WAY HOUSE GOES ON......

WEEKENDS ARE BORING TIMES.  THERE IS REALLY NOTHING TO DO THERE. JIMMY COOKS IN THE KITCHEN, EVEN ON WEEKENDS.  MANY TIMES HE DOES NOT HAVE TO WORK, BUT HE WORKS ANYHOW, JUST TO PASS THE TIME.  HE IS UP AT 3AM, AND IN BED AT 7 OR 8 PM.  EVERYONE IN THE HALF-WAY HOUSE HAS A JOB.  THEY MUST GO TO THEIR JOB BY PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION, SO JIMMY IS IN FACT LUCKY THAT HE WORKS INSIDE THE HALF-WAY HOUSE ITSELF.......

THIS HALF-WAY HOUSE IS UNUSUAL...IT IS LOCATED IN A VERY BARREN AREA...AWAY FROM EVERYTHING........WHEN WE PULLED UP ON THANKSGIVING, I THOUGHT IT RESEMBLED THE BARRACKS IN THE ARMY.  THIS HALF-WAY HOUSE IS VERY STRICT...

NO T.V'S ARE ALLOWED, AS IN THE PRISON, INMATES HAD THEIR OWN TV WITH HEADPHONES, IF THEY WANTED.  IN THIS HALF-WAY HOUSE, RESIDENTS ARE ALLOWED C.D. PLAYERS, CASSETTE PLAYERS, AND WALKMANS....

LAST WEEK, SOME RESIDENTS FOUND A WAY TO STEAL THE CHANGE FROM THE PAY-PHONES.  SO NEW PHONES WERE INSTALLED.  TO SHOW YOU THE MENTALITY OF THESE CRIMINALS, THEY ARE NEAR TO GOING HOME, AND YET JEOPARDIZE THAT, JUST TO BEAT THE SYSTEM, AND COMMIT ANOTHER CRIME....AND OF COURSE THEY WERE SENT BACK TO PRISON.

SO LIKE I SAID, LIFE IS BORING AND MUNDANE THERE....JIMMY COOKS, AND COOKS, AND COOKS....TODAY IT'S HAMBURGERS AND FRENCH FRIES....SOMETIMES EGG SALAD....IMAGINE SLICING 100 EGGS!

AND SO MY HUSBAND, WHO HAS A GENIUS IQ, HAS BEEN PUT IN THE KITCHEN COOKING!....JIMMY HAS BEEN TESTED THROUGH-OUT HIS LIFE, AND HIS IQ IS OF GENIUS MENTALITY......NOW IN THE KITCHEN, HE IS ALLOWED TO WORK OFF HIS INTENSE ENERGY....HE ALSO HAS A VERY CREATIVE SIDE TO HIM, SO HE LIKES COOKING................AND SO, JIMMY EXCELS IN WHATEVER HE DOES!..........ON THANKSGIVING DAY, SOME OF HIS CO-WORKERS, WHO ARE NOT RESIDENTS, CAME OVER TO ME TO MEET ME.  THEY TOLD ME HOW MUCH THEY LIKED JIMMY, AND HOW NICE IT IS TO WORK WITH HIM.  ONE EVEN SAID HE WISHED JIMMY WAS NOT A RESIDENT HERE, BUT A FULL-TIME WORKER....!

TOMORROW IS MONDAY, AND WE WILL START HOPING THAT PAROLE WILL CALL HIM SOON.....ALSO, AT THE SAME TIME WE ARE WAITING FOR PAROLE, HIS WEEK-END FURLOUGHS MAY START IN A FEW WEEKS..........EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW IS UP IN THE AIR!...........AND WHAT AN UNUSUAL TIME FOR ALL THIS TO HAPPEN....DURING THE HOLIDAYS!

WELL, THANKS FOR READING MY JOURNAL AND MAY YOU ALL HAVE STRENGTH TO CARRY ON WHILE YOUR HUSBANDS AND LOVED ONES ARE AWAY.................LOVE,  FRAN

"it's yesterday once more"

I SAW JIMMY YESTERDAY, ON THANKSGIVING DAY....IT WAS ALL TOO WONDERFUL, AND TOO SHORT........I ONCE AGAIN FEEL SAD TODAY.....I JUST CAN'T HELP IT.....THERE IS LIKE A HOLE IN MY HEART, THAT I CAN'T FILL...............A VOID.

WE SPOKE MORE THAN ANYTHING TODAY ON THE PHONE....MISSING EACH OTHER MORE THAN EVER..................IT IS VERY HARD TO SIT IN A ROOM FILLED WITH LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE AND CHILDREN.....EVERYONE TALKING AND NOISY....AND SIT NEXT TO THE MAN YOU LOVE, TALKING, KISSING, HOLDING YOU IN HIS ARMS.....EVERYTHING ALL IN ONE.............WITH EVERYONE WATCHING YOU..........NO PRIVACY...........LIFE IS VERY UNFAIR................

AND YET, WE BOTH AGREED, THAT WE WERE MARRIED AND KNEW EACH OTHER BEFORE WE EVER MET...................IN OTHER WORDS, WE ARE SOULMATES, FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD..............WE ALWAYS KNEW ONE ANOTHER....................IN THIS LIFE, AND IN OTHER LIVES.....IN THIS DIMENSION, AND IN OTHER DIMENSIONS........IN THIS WORLD, AND IN OTHER WORLDS............I AM JIMMY'S OTHER HALF, AND HE IS MINE..............................

AND SO, YESTERDAY, WE EXCHANGED WRISTWATCHES...........HE GAVE ME HIS WATCH, THAT HE HAD BOUGHT 18 MONTHS AGO, AT BAYSIDE PRISON...........HE SAID IT IS FULL OF HIS ENERGY, AND HE WANTS ME TO WEAR IT, TO FEEL HIS ENERGY.............AND I GAVE HIM MY WATCH, WHICH IS ACTUALLY A MAN'S WATCH, WITH AN IRRADESCENT BLUE FACE.  HE IS WEARING IT NOW, AND CONTINUOSLY, FEELING ME NEAR HIM.

IT'S FUNNY, BUT AS THE TIME DRAWS NEAR, IT REALLY GETS HARDER.....IT' 'S HARD TO EXPLAIN..............WE NOW ANXIOSLY AWAIT NEXT WEEK, AND MAYBE IT WILL TURN INTO SEVERAL WEEKS........ONE NEVER KNOWS.........TO BE CALLED IN FRONT OF THE PAROLE BOARD.

I WILL GO NOW, SO I CAN LAY DOWN AND THINK OF JIMMY, AS HE THINKS OF ME AT THIS TIME..............

IT IS ALL VERY PAINFUL....VERY DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN.........

SOMETIMES I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHO I AM ANYMORE........BUT WHEN I EXPLAIN THIS TO JIMMY, HE COMFORTS ME, AND I BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF BETTER............HE ACTUALLY EXPLAINS TO ME WHO I AM, AND WHY I THINK THE THOUGHTS THAT I DO......

IN REALITY, I NEEDED THIS PHASE IN MY LIFE.  I ALWAYS LIVED A VERY DIFFERENT SORT OF LIFE FROM THE NORM..............I DID THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT PEOPLE ONLY DREAM OF.........I TRAVELED THE WORLD OVER TO 28 COUNTRIES......ETC., ETC...............MY LIFE WAS ALWAYS EXCITING AND UNUSUAL.................AND NOW, HAVING A HUSBAND IN PRISON, WELL THAT IS ALL PART OF IT........................................IN IT'S OWN WAY, IT IS ALL VERY EXCITING TO ME..............HOWEVER, NOW IT IS TIME FOR HIM TO COME HOME, AND START LIVING LIFE AGAIN............TO CREATE MORE  EXCITING THINGS IN OUR LIFE.................JIMMY SAYS IT IS BECAUSE I AM A CREATIVE PERSON..........AN ARTIST..........I LOVE TO WRITE, AND SING.....................AND YES IT'S TRUE, I CAN FUNCTION AS A CREATIVE PERSON, AND YET I AM RATIONAL TOO.....AND I THINK THAT'S WHAT JIMMY LIKES ABOUT ME................HE IS THE SAME WAY.............HIS BRAIN FUNTIONS ON THE RATIONAL LEVEL, AND THE CREATIVE LEVEL...............WE ARE TWO OF A KIND...........

............SO NOW, TO OCCUPY MY MIND, AND FORGET THE PRESENT MOMENT OF STILL BEING ALONE, WITHOUT THE MAN I LOVE. I AM TRYING TO FOCUS MY THOUGHTS ON CHRISTMAS DAY...........JIMMY WANTS ME TO COME TO VISIT HIM THAT DAY, AND HIS FRIEND AGREED TO DRIVE ME THERE!...........IN MY HEAD, I AM PLANNING WHAT FOOD TO BRING.............I'LL MAKE LASAGNA (jimmy's favorite, and he requested it), BAKED CHICKEN THIGHS WITH POTATOES, ANTIPASTO , ITALIAN BREAD AND FRESH GRATED CHEESE...........MAYBE SOME SAUSAGE.........GENOA SALAMI ESPECIALLY FOR JIMMY.............AND SOME SORT OF CHRISTMAS CAKE OR PASTRY FOR DESERT...........................SO NOW, I SET MY MIND ON THIS, AND THEN LIFE BECOMES EASIER............

GOOD-NIGHT EVERYONE!...........I HOPE ALL THE PRISON WIVES AND LOVED ONES OF PRISONERS HAD A NICE THANKSGIVING..............

LOVE, FRAN

A THANKFUL THANKSGIVING

AS I SIT HERE QUIETLY AND THINK, I KNOW I HAVE LOTS TO BE THANKFUL FOR THIS THANKSGIVING.........A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE, A LOVING AND DEVOTED HUSBAND, 3 LOVING PETS, A HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE HOUSEHOLD, AND MIRACUOSLY RE-GAINING MY HEALTH, AND A HEALTHY AND ENERGETIC HUSBAND!

WELL, I HAVE ONE MORE THING!!!!!!!!!

I'M GOING TO SEE JIMMY ON THURSDAY, THANKSGIVING DAY!.............I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.........HE JUST FOUND OUT TODAY, THERE ARE 2 HOUR VISITS ON THANKSGIVING DAY.............AND HIS FRIEND IS NOT BUSY THAT DAY, AND WILL DRIVE ME THERE!............I'LL PICK UP SOME FOOD, LIKE ROASTED CHICKEN, AND PUMPKIN PIE, AND WE'LL ALL EAT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!1  I JUST CAN'T WAIT.........HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN 2 MONTHS!!!!!!!

WELL , NOW, I'LL JUST GO AND DO A FEW THINGS......HE GAVE ME A LITTLE LIST OF CLOTHES AND THINGS HE NEEDS, SO I'LL GATHER THEM TOGETHER!........I'M KIND OF WALKING ON AIR!

ALSO, I KNOW ALL YOUR PRAYERS ARE VERY STRONG.....PLEASE SAY A SPECIAL PRAYER THAT HE WILL BE CALLED TO THE PAROLE BOARD THIS WEEK....EITHER TOMORROW OR WEDNESDAY....THAT WOULD MAKE FOR EVEN A BETTER THANKSGIVING!

LOVE,    FRAN

DE-CLUTTERING AND CLEANING FOR JIMMY

I SPENT TODAY CLEANING AND DE-CLUTTERING THE HOUSE IN ANTICIPATION FOR JIMMY'S ARRIVAL HOME......AT LEAST IT MAKES THE TIME PASS QUICKER, IF NOTHING ELSE.  HOWEVER, I CAN'T BE TOO EAGER...YOU SEE, I'M ALMOST AFRAID TO GET TOO EXCITED ABOUT ANYTHING....DURING THESE PAST 18 MONTHS, I LOST A LOT OF TRUST IN THE WORLD, SO I AM CAUTIOUS , UNTIL I AM DEFINETLY SURE HE IS COMING HOME.....

TOMORROW, ONE OF HIS FELLOW INMATES IS GOING HOME.  HE HAS BEEN IN PRISON FOR 4 YEARS, .....HE REALIZES THE MISTAKE HE MADE IN HIS LIFE....HE REFORMED, MET A WOMAN WHILE IN PRISON, WHOM HE PLANS TO MARRY.  HE IS SO EXCITED!....I SPOKE WITH HIM ON THE PHONE, AND HE IS VERY HAPPY, AND WE ARE HAPPY FOR HIM.  HE ALSO STUDIED THE CATHOLIC FAITH WHILE IN PRISON, INSPIRED BY MY HUSBAND, AND HAS TURNED HIMSELF OVER TO GOD......HE IS THE PRIME EXAMPLE OF A YOUNG FELLOW WHO HAS CHANGED HIS LIFE WHILE IN PRISON, AND WE WISH HIM LUCK!..............................AND SO , YOU CAN SEE, NOT EVERYONE IN PRISON IS A "BAD" PERSON, ALTHOUGH THE POPULAR BELIEF IS THAT ALL CRIMINALS ARE BAD PEOPLE!

I HAVE GATHERED 4 BAGS OF MY OLD CLOTHES THAT I WILL GIVE AWAY....I RE-ARRANGED THE KITCHEN CABINETS .....I HAVE GOTTEN RID OF LOTS OF GARBAGE....IT FEELS GOOD TO GET RID OF STUFF, AND TO "START OVER AFRESH."..... A NEW BEGINNING!

I HAVE A HUSBAND WHO IS A CLEANLINESS FREAK!  I'M SERIOUS!  HE LOVES TO CLEAN....HE CAN'T WAIT TO COME HOME AND START CLEANING, BELIEVE IT OR NOT!....(OF COURSE, I COME FIRST, THEN HE'LL CLEAN).  AT THE HALF-WAY HOUSE HE COOKS IN THE KITCHEN.  ONE DAY RECENTLY, NO ONE KNEW HOW TO CLEAN THE "GREASE TRAP" IN THE STOVE.  AS A MATTER OF FACT, NO ONE EVEN KNEW WHERE IT WAS!.....OF COURSE, MY JIMMY KNEW!....AND HE WENT ABOUT DOING THE JOB OF CLEANING IT...THE OTHER GUYS STOOD AROUND AND WATCHED , ALMOST GETTING SICK TO THEIR STOMACHS, AS IT IS A VERY MESSY JOB, TO SAY THE LEAST.  AND THESE GUYS REALIZED HOW JIMMY KNOWS ABOUT RESTAURANT KITCHENS, ETC.........BECAUSE JIMMY HAS OWNED 7 RESTAURANTS IN HIS LIFETIME, INCLUDING BARS , DELI'S AND HOTELS....JIMMY IS A VERY KNOWLEDGEBLE MAN. AS I ALWAYS SAY.............THE BEAUTY OF JIMMY IS THAT HE CAN DO WORK ON ANY LEVEL..........HE CAN BE THE BOSS, AND HE CAN COOK THE FOOD, TOO....THE OTHER DAY HE HAD TO WASH DISHES, AS THE DISHWASHER WAS NOT AT WORK...AND HE TOLD ME HE ENJOYED IT!....WASHING THE DISHES, GAVE HIM TIME TO THINK ABOUT ME, AND ALSO REVIEW HIS PAST LIFE, AS HE WASHED THE DISHES.  HE SAID IT WAS SOOTHING TO HIS SOUL..........OH, I JUST LOVE JIMMY!...HE IS AN INCREDIBLE MAN.........HIS I.Q. IS AT A VERY HIGH LEVEL.  HE IS OFTEN MIS-UNDERSTOOD BY THE WORLD.  PEOPLE LIKE HIM NEED A LOT OF STIMULATION, AS THEY GET BORED EASILY.  IT TOOK ME, HIS WIFE, TO REALLY UNDERSTAND HIM.....................

WELL. THANKS FOR READING MY JOURNAL, AND I ALWAYS ENJOY YOUR COMMENTS!

LOVE,       FRAN

THANKSGIVING THOUGHTS

Happy Thanksgiving!.......

Another Thanksgiving  rolls along...another holiday season begins!.....The stores are filled with the hustle and bustle!.......Joy and happiness fills the air!........Another year alone, for me....the second Thanksgiving alone.......I just don't know how wives of prisoners do it year after year, when their husband is incarcerated for many years......

I asked Jimmy once, "Would you have married me if you had a long prison term, let's say 10 years?"........His answer was, "No, simply because I wouldn't have put you through that....to live alone , with your husband in prison."......Married or not, I know I would have been here for him.....simply because I love him, and there is no one else like him on this planet!"

I forgot to ask Jimmy today on the phone if he is cooking turkey and stuffing and sweet potatoes, and pumpkin pie for the residents on Thanksgiving..............I doubt they will have Thanksgiving dinner!.................Today for dinner they had hot dogs!

Yesterday, Jimmy was allowed to go out to a store , supervised with around 14 other guys.  They rode a bus there, and Jimmy bought his soap and toothpaste there....He was happy to get out for awhile....

Today was Family Orientation, and visitation for 2 hours.   I feel sad because I couldn't make it....I have a special note from the doctor that I'm unable to travel, with my foot surgery, and the fact that I'm legally blind.  The half-way house is around 2 hours away, and it is just too much for me....The summer of 2003, I would drive to Bayside Prison alone, and when I got there, my eyes were swollen, and I could barely see anymore.....Jimmy would make me close my eyes and try to rest them....my eyes and the muscles around them get very strained and tired.

And so, I didn't get to see Jimmy today..........But we are so excited, because his appearing before the parole board is coming up!.............All we talked about today, was how it will be to be together again, in each others arms.  He says he will keep me with him at all times....I am never to leave his side again!

During the visits today, a couple were caught having sex in the bathroom......Need I say more?............I don't think it was worth risking getting caught, because now the fellow has been sent back to prison, and he was going home on parole soon....A few moments of erotic physical pleasure is just not worth going back to prison for.  People just don't seem to use their heads.....

Well, I'm going to bed now,to think of my Jimmy.....that is how we have gotten through these 18 months, by just thinking about each other, and imagining we are with each other................................Love,  Fran

"I REMEMBER"

I remember the day I met Jimmy on line......and then we spoke on the phone....

I remember telling Jimmy, "We will talk on the phone, and then you will hang up, and probably never talk to me again!".......Jimmy said, "You are wrong Fran.  I will call again....I will talk to you forever.."...and so, we did talk on the phone forever.....When I married my Jimmy, I knew him almost totally by his voice,
  as we lived 2500 miles apart, and had spent a minimal amount of time actually together.  In actuality, we had spent 1 weekend together in Las Vegas, when he flew there and met me.......the next time I saw him, was when he flew back to marry me...He landed Sarurday nite, and we got married the next day.

And not only did we speak on the phone.....but I mean, we spoke and spoke and spoke, like every few hours we were talking.....Oddly enough, a large part of our relationship has been by phone....today, 18 months later, after his imprisonment, you can imagine how many times it is we spoke on the phone...........we speak at least 3 times a day........sometimes 4, 5, or 6..............calculate that and see what the figure is!...........Jimmy never has been away from me because of that phone.....he knows everything going on in the household, and about me, because of that phone!.............I'M lucky to have a "HIGH TECH" husband, who loves the latest technology....Our home is also high tech....Jimmy left me a notebook with all written instructions on how to operate all the hi tech stuff in our house!...Even on the phone he instructs me about the computer and how to re-program the tv, etc!

I remember that I kept the phone next to me in bed.....he would call me at various times throughout the night.....

I remember that after 2 weeks, he sent me a cell phone in the mail ....he was in New Jersey, I was in Las Vegas.........and with the cell phones and the house phone, we were forever connected....

Jimmy would wake me up for work....I would call him when I arrived at the hospital....He called as soon as I stepped in the door from work, in the morning.....I had my cell at work.....we talked at intervals while I worked in the hospital, he was working as a Bailbondsman.....We spokeall the time.....I called him from the parking lot when I arrived to food shop....and then in the store........he simply wanted to hear my voice all the time.........And I wanted to hear his voice.......I am always protected by Jimmy, even though he may not be by my side at the moment...........

I remember Jimmy's romantic e-mails and e-mail cards......I keep everything in memory books, that are on the shelf now.....

I remember Jimmy's presents he sent me.....I still sleep with the little stuffed animals he sent me.....

Before Jimmy left for prison, he bought ne a life size stuffed animal of a bunny rabbit.....I put that bunny next to me in bed....in Jimmy's spot, when he left for prison 18 months ago.....and bunny is still there...

I remember Jimmy telling me, when I met him, that he had to turn himself in to do a prison sentence.....it did not phase me ....I love him unconditionally......and he was wonderful to me at all times......he was romantic, strong, loving.........and, he treated me like a lady........."LADY," became one of our favorite songs........Jimmy was the only man I ever knew who opened every door I walked through.........like a queen!.......he never let me open those doors myself..............even car doors....he was right around the car,on the passenger side opening my door.....What a man!.....Not only loving to his wife, but respectful, too........Do they make men like that anymore?!.

I remember he told me it should only be 5 months he would be gone.

It is now 18 months, going on 19...

I remember telling him in the early days of his imprisonment that it would be impossible for me to wait 2 years or so for him to come home.....I knew I would wait.  But the thought of all those days and time alone without him was mind boggling to me....I just couldn't do it..........and yet, I had to, because I love him, and there is no other man like him, for me.................

I remember sitting in my bedroom when he left, looking at the 4 walls....and I sat, and sat, andsat............And I stopped thinking....I stopped crying......I was unable in those first few days and months to think about anything.....I felt numb all over.....my range of thought was about a few minutes....gradually I could think about the next hour.....the next day.  I split the day into 2...the mornig and the evening....when evening came, I was relieved because another day was over.....and morning brought to it the anticipation that evening would soon be here, and the cycle continued...........what a way to live.............but only the strongest survive.................so survive I did........I put "TIME" into blocks....I made a game of minutes/hours/days/weeks/months................and belive it or not, it was my own way of coping with the whole situation..........I became obsessed doing it..........I started making lists of things to do, and as the months passed, I became obsessive/compulsive in doing things.........things had to suddenly get done, on time, and in the correct way.....................

I remember starting this journal last New Year's Eve.....and through the months it grew, and people started identifying with it....they liked it and read it............they were suddenly not alone....and I was not alone either...........sharing my thoughts with you  became very important to me, and I am very grateful to all of you, who stood by me through thick and thin.

The weeks after Jimmy left home, I remember putting a picture of him on the refridgerator door.....he looked so handsome........he wore a black blazer and it was nite.....it was on the boardwalk at seaside....the amusement rides in the background........the ferris wheel all aglow..........it was a romantic nite for the two of us.........................And so, I would go to that pix, and hug the refridgerator, and kiss the pix.........And several times a day I stood before that pix, and cried to Jimmy..........and I would stand there, hugging the big refridgerator..............................what strange things we do as prison wives........................

And so, I'm glad to remincse and think over the past with you......

Truthfully I'm happy it's today, and not yesterday.....it is Nov. 2004, and not Nov. 2003.........................I remember it all very well!

...OH, AND I MUST TELL YOU!......JIMMY COOKED 6OO PIECES OF CHICKEN FOR THE MEN TODAY.....HE ATE A BREAST AND A LEG...................IMAGINE 600 PIECES!.....AND WOMEN COMPLAIN WHEN THEY HAVE TO COOK DINNER FOR THE FAMILY!

WONDERFUL NEWS!

I HAVE SOME WONDERFUL NEWS!.........

ON FRIDAY, JIMMY GOT UP AS USUAL AT 3AM, AND WENT TO HIS JOB IN THE KITCHEN TO COOK......HE WAS TO  COOK EGGS AND HASH FOR 200 MEN, THAT DAY........

WHEN HIS CO-WORKERS SAW HIM THERE AT 3AM, THEY SAUD, 'JIMMY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE TODAY?  YOUR NAME IS ON THE BULLITIN BOARD, AND YOU ARE TO MEET WITH THE PAROLE  OFFICER AT 8AM.....TODAY.

JIMMY WAS SURPRISED AND SHOCKED!.....THE DAY HAD FINALLY ARRIVED!.....THE DAY WE WERE BOTH QUIETLY WAITING FOR.......JIMMY IS THE TYPE OF PERSON TO EMERGE HIMSELF IN HARD WORK........TO LET TIME PASS ON IT'S OWN, WITHOUT COUNTING THE MINUTES AND DAYS.........

SO, ON THAT WONDERFUL DAY, JIMMY COULD HAVE GONE BACK TO BED AND SLEEP A FEW MORE HOURS, BUT HE CHOSE TO CONTINUE TO COOK ..................AND THEN AT 6:30 AM, HE LEFT THE KITCHEN, WENT AND TOOK A SHOWER, AND WAS BROUGHT IN FRONT OF THE PAROLE OFFICER FOR AN INTERVIEW......IT WAS NOT IN PERSON, BUT TOOK PLACE ON A TV SCREEN.

THIS WAS THE INTERVIEW BEFORE HE GOES TO THE PAROLE BOARD......THAT MEANS IN AROUND 2 WEEKS (TENTATIVE TIME), AND THEY WILL DECIDE IF HE CAN COME HOME...............DARE I SAY THOSE WORDS?!.........YES, "COME HOME."

JIMMY WAS TOLD HE WAS APPROVED TO WEAR THE METAL DETECTOR BRACELET AROUND HIS ANKLE, SO THAT IS ALSO GOOD NEWS!

I HOPE YOU WILL ALL SHARE MY HAPPINESS WITH ME.........HOWEVER, I MUST REMIND YOU, AT THIS POINT, IT IS LIKE "WALKING ON EGGSHELLS.".....IS THAT HOW THE SAYING GOES?....OR IS IT "GLASS?"

.....AND SO, WITH GOD IN MY HEART, AND THE WORDS, "PEACE , BALANCE AND HARMONY,"   I WILL CONTINUE ON............

..............................................................LOVE, FRAN

VICTORY

"V" is for Victim or Victory........I choose "victory."...........The men in prison are not victims....I am aware of that...........they chose to commit the crime, and they are serving their time.....However, I realize that there are a lot of people in the USA commiting crimes, and they never get caught.........please remember that  the next time you light up a joint or snort cocaine, or whatever it is that people do. 

However, the families and loved ones  of the prisoner are the victims....they are the "innocent by-standers."  Unless they were an accomplice to their husband/son/boyfriend, they are in fact charged with a crime they never committed.

And I bet most of you Prison Wives would agree with me...................

AUTUMN NOTES

Jimmy is up for parole in a couple of weeks. At the same time, his weekend furloughs home will also start soon.....It seems like everything happens together!  I will first go to the half-way house where he is staying, for family orientation, then he will start coming home.  However, the first time will be a 9 hour meeting....They want an hour-by-hour account of what he will be doing for those 9 hours....I just can't imagine!  Can you?

We still talk everyday, several times a day, but phone bills are better now....He uses a phone card at the half-way house, or coins....they are direct calls....He can even call my cell phone.....

Everyone works there. He now works in the kitchen, cooking, and in the computer lab.  He goes to sleep at 8pm, and is up at 3 am, to cook breakfast for 200 men.  It is hard work, but my baby will do anything to get home.....so sweat, he doesn't mind.  He has also had several job interviews outside the half-way house, and he knows which one he'll pick, and that job should start shortly.....

last Saturday, I noticed my foot incision looked infected.  I called my Surgeon, who sent me to the hospital.  I took a taxi there...it was the most beautiful Autumn day......They kept me for 9 hours, finally releasing me at 12 midnight....They let me out into the night, and I took a taxi home....I never go out at night anymore, because of my eyesight.....and so I have a little infection and am on antibx once again......I feel good, though.....I don't even look sick.......However, as you may all know, my life has become one of doctors appointments.........I see the surgeon every week, have labs drawn everyweek, and see the medical doctor.....

I hope this journal is helping those Prison Wives, Girlfriends, Mothers, and other loved ones of prisoners.  Remember, you are not alone.  There are lots of us out there, who wait for their loved one to return.

We Prison Wives live in a different world than most other people.  We don't fit into a "category."  We are the least understood by society.  Our society understands widows, divorcees.....they understand the sick, the dying, the homeless, and orphans, amongst others.  But mention the word "prison, " and it is an automatic stigma.  It is only those of us going through it, that can understand.  There are some wonderful people who read my journal who are not connected with the prison system, and they understand it, and have compassion.

So therefore, I am happy to share my thoughts with you.

And as the saying goes, "life is worth living."

I've never been happier to be here in my warm home and bed, with my pets...Prince, Misty, and Jimbo....as we await Jimmy's return.

IT'S ME....

Hello, it's me!...........I'm still here, and would like to thank you all for your worries,and concerns about me.....the  many e-mails you sent....Gretchen, thank you so much for loving me....and also Dakota Rose and Adlessor, amongst all the others....You were all in my thoughts, and I never forgot for one minute about all of you, or this journal, but I was in a place where I could not reach you.....I'lll try to explain.........................

It's so good to be alive, and using this computer once again!

......""Even though I walk in the dark valley, I fear no evil. For You are at my side, with your rod and your staff that give me courage.".....(23rd psalm)

  ..............Yes, I walked in the dark valley....for the past 6 weeks I have been in the hospital, and nearly died, to put it bluntly.....I am at home now, and still very weak, amongst other things....

.....In retrospect, it is all like a bad dream......I almost don't realize that 6 weeks really passed by......I was a different person, I was not me......

And so, I'll tell you what happened..........It was all very sudden....It started with a toe that turned black and blue...I went to the ER and was admitted ....It turned gangene.....I went into toxic shock...I was septic....the infection was Staph....Mrsa....it quickly spread to my entire body.....I ran high fevers of 102 qnd 103, that never broke for 3 weeks or more....I was constantly shivering, like a leaf....I was given massive doses of antibiotics ( Vancomycin twice a day and another antibiotic).....nothing would break the fever, and it was at that point, I knew I was doomed.....the infection was taking me over.....I imagined myself as a wet cat in the bed....scrawny and sweating and tremoring and crying and not making sense...I imagined the hospital bed was a big ride twirling me around in the room up by the ceiling....And I would cry and not make sense.....I was crying for all the sadness in the world...and I was moaning continuosly with pain, not only in the foot, but all over my body with severe headaches.....and the thermometer they stiuck in my ear was a bee, as they monitored me day and night.....I had 8 specialist Doctors taking care of me.....My hemaglobin fell to around 8....I was very anemic and dehydrated.....They ran in IV fluids of Normal Saline at 150 cc/hr...........My legs had swollen up to 3 times their normal size.....the left foot with gangrene was swollen and very painful, as I was given IV Morphine for the pain.......And then the Vascular Doctor operated and not only amputated my 4th toe on my left foot, but removed a hugh abcess.....The size of rhe open wound was 9.5 cm long and 2.5 cm deep..it was, and still is deep, although healing....It was a large crator that literally split my foot in half.........After the surgery, and until this day, I have taken no pain medicine.....the foot has to be soaked and packed everyday, and I am doing that myself, now.

Well, the worst was not over!....Because I was on such heavy doses of antibiotics for around 1 month, the antibiotics stripped my immune system.....my hemaglobin kept falling, and I once again had to be transfused with 2 units packed cells.....even after the transfusion, it was still low.....so now, I am being given special shots every few days, for 3 times which will encourage my bone marrow to produce ...I am also on vitamins, iron, high doses of b vitamins, and protein supplements.....I was very depleted, and my lytes were way off balance....I have been told by the doctor to eat red meat and chicken, and I should not follow a strict vegatarian diet....He said, "eat a steak every now and then!".........My blood count will be followed, and if I continue with the anemia, they will do further tests to rule out a blood disorder.

I was a mystery to my Doctors, as in 4 weeks , I gained 40 lbs while in the hospital.....and the weight gain was all beneath my waist......I receiced physical therapy to learn to walk again, but even 10 steps was too much, as I became short of breath with any movement.....I was put on oxygen, for a low pulse ox..and breathing treatments.....and finally lasix, and that was the biggest releif for me......I came home last Thursday, and am no longer sob, can walk, and feel so much better because I have lost 28 lbs. of the 40 I gained , in a matter of days....it was all water gain...a tremendous amount........

...I will tell you more, if you want to hear it. Just let me know....it is all very scary, and I have been a nurse in hospitals for 28 years.....I have seen just about everything, and I sure did not like what I felt being on the side of the patient........Basically, I felt the Life Force going out of me, and I could not fight back at that point, when the infection was taking over......I really knew it was just about the end for me......

And all the time, Jimmy was with me.........in spirit and soul, and yes, the telephone..........I had enough sense about me to call forward my calls from home to the hospital roo, so Jimmy was calling me all the time....I was crying and emotional just about all the time......One day, I cried into the phone to "COME  HERE RIGHT AWAY, AND TAKE ME HOME.....PLEASE JIMMY, I WANT TO GO HOME....DON'T LET THEM KEEP ME HERE....PLEASEEEE, DRIVE THE CAR UP TO THE FRONT, AND I'LL WALK OUT THE DOOR, AND YOU CAN DRIVE ME HOME."....That day, I was gasping for breath, and not myself, in almost a confused state of mind.......I made Jimmy cry that day, and I'll never forget it....He softly cried back into the phone, "please Fran, I want to come there more than anything to take you home...please, you have to stay there..."......."I DON'T WANT TO STAY IN THIS PRISON," I was crying...... 

 

 

LIFE WITHOUT A HUSBAND

LIFE WITHOUT A HUSBAND IS DIFFICULT......YOU ARE MARRIED, AND YET  YOU DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND.....THERE IS NOTHING HE CAN DO IF YOU NEED HIM...HE IS LOCKED AWAY IN A PLACE, WHERE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO HELP YOU.....IT IS A VERY TERRIBLE SITUATION, AND ONLY THOSE WOMEN WHEO ARE GOING THROUGH IT, CAN REALLY UNDERSTAND.....WHERE IS OUR PLACE IN LIFE?....IT IS ACTUALLY NO WHERE....WE ARE NO ONE AND NOTHING...EVEN IF HIS WIFE DIES, A HUSBAND IS NOT ALLOWED OUT OF THE PRISON TO SEE HER.....HE IS HELPLESS IN ALL SITUATIONS.....HE MAY BE THE STRONGEST MAN ON EARTH, BUT IN A SITUATION WHERE HE IS LOCKED UP, HE IS HELPLESS IN ALL SITUATIONS..............

AND SO, I SIT HERE, ALONE, AND FEELING DEPRESSED...BECAUSE JIMMY IS NOT HERE TO HELP ME THROUGH SOME VERY IMPORTANT SITUATIONS.....HE IS HELPLESS, AND I AM HELPLESS....

I HAVE WRITTEN THIS JOURNAL FOR 10 MONTHS...AND I AM STILL IN THE SAME SITUATION.  THOSE OF YOU WHJO ARE NOT IN MY SITUATION, HAVE GONE THROUGH LIFE IN A NORMAL WAY.....I HAVE NOT......YOU SEE, I LIVE IN A STATE OF "SUSPENDED ANIMATION."...I LIVE IN A PLACE THAT REALLY DOESN'T EXIST....SOMETHING LIKE CYBERSPACE......IT IS REALLY VERY STRANGE......I LIVE IN A DIMENSION OF TIME, THAT IS NOT THE REAL TIME AND PLACE THAT PEOPLE KNOW......I AM LIKE A SPIRIT....I LIVE IN BETWEEN THE FOLDS OF TIME.....THERE IS NO TIME FOR ME.......AND NO PLACE.....

AND EVEN THOUGH JIMMY HAS BEEN GONE FOR 18 MONTHS, I AM STILL IN THE SAME SPOT I WAS IN 18 MONTHS AGO.....I DO NOT PROGRESSS....I DO NOT CHANGE, AND I AM NOT PART OF THIS WORLD.......I KNOW IT MAY SEEM STRANGE, WHAT I AM SAYING, BUT ONLY THOSE PRISON WIVES GOING THROUGH THIS, WITH ME, WHO HAVE REMAINED FAITHFUL TO THEIR HUSBANDS, WITH LITTLE OR NO OUTSIDE SUPPORT, CAN TRULY UNDERSTAND......

I KNOW I AM SANE, BUT I HAVE MY SPURTS OF INSANITY, WHICH I TURN INWARD......RIGHT THIS MOMENT, I FEEL LIKE I AM NOTHING....NO ONE.....NO PLACE IN LIFE.....IT IS ALL SO SCARY.....THE ONLY CRIME I COMMITTED IS A FELL IN LOVE WITH A MAN...A MAN WHO HAD COMMITTED A CRIME BEFORE HE EVEN KNEW ME.....

AND HERE, WE ONCE AGAIN GO INTO AUTUMN.  AND ALL THE HOLIDAYS ARE ONCE AGAIN AT OUR DOORSTEP....AND THE WORLD WILL NOT LEAVE THE DEPRESSED PEOPLE ALONE......THOSE OF US WHO DO NOT WANTTO THINK ABOUT HOLIDAYS.......THE WORLD TORTURES US.....THOSE THAT WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE......I DO NOT PUT HOLIDAYS DOWN....I LOVE HOLIDAYS...THEY ARE WONDERFUL ....WE  NORMALLY CELEBRATE EACH AND EVERY ONE...WE EVEN HAVE A WHOLE ROOM OF STORAGE FOR CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS....BUT THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING....

AND SO, TODAY, I GO WITHIN MYSELF....THERE IS NO END TO THIS "PLACE IN TIME" CALLED PRISON.....I HOPE IT WILL ALL BE OVER SOON, SO WE CAN CONTINUE WITH LIFE.  YOU SEE, I'M JUST VERY TIRED OF NOT BEING PART OF LIFE....I AM ONE WHO NORMALLY LOVES LIFE...I USUALLY GO HERE, AND DO THIS.....BUT WITH A HUSBAND IN PRISON, EVERYTHING IN LIFE SEEMS USELESS...........AND SO FOR THE PAST 18 MONTHS, I REMAIN "SUSPENDED IN TIME," AND WILL DO SO, UNTIL HE IS RELEASED.

 

NO PHONE CALLS UNTIL SUNDAY

WELL, JIMMY IS NOT ALLOWED TO CALL ME UNTIL SUNDAY.....THE GUYS IN TALBOT HALL ARE BEING PUNISHED......A FEW WEEKS AGO, THE GUYS COULD MAKE PHONE CALLS AND NOT PAY FOR THEM...THERE WAS A PROBLEM WITH THE PHONE SYSTEM.....JIMMY KNEW IT WAS WRONG, AND TOLD THEM THAT THEY WOULD BE CAUGHT.....THESE GUYS WERE MAKING THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF FREE CALLS, SOME TO 900 NUMBERS.......JIMMY WARNED THEM THAT A RECPORD OF ALL OUTGOING CALLS WERE BEING KEPT.....JIMMY FIGURES AT LEAST $10,000 WORTH OF FREE CALLS WERE MADE, BUT I WOULD BET IT IS MUCH HIGHER.....NOW, I SUPPOSE THE INSTITUTION IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BILL.....A BIG INVESTIGATION WAS MADE....PEOPLE THAT RECEIVED THE CALLS WERE CALLED BY INVESTIGATORS....JIMMY KNEW THIS WHOLE THING WOULD BLOW UP....AND SO YESTERDAY, HE CALLED ME WHEN HE FOUND OUT, THE PHONES HAVE BEEN TURNED OFF FROM THURSDAY UNTIL SUNDAY...................NOW, I FEEL IT IS UNFAIR, BECAUSE, JIMMY AND I DID NOTHING WRONG.....HE CONTINUED TO USE COLLECT CALLS, AND WE PAID FOR ALL OUR CALLS AS USUAL.....OUR PHONE BILLS ARE STILL VERY HIGH, ALTHOUGH HE IS NO LONGER IN PRISON.....IN PRISON, OUR BILLS WERE $1000 to $1300 /month.....NOW AT THE REHAB, MY BILLS HAVE BEEN $700 and , THIS MONTH IT IS $600.......I STILL LIVE TO PAY THE PHONE BILLS!....BUT IT IS GETTING BETTER...............AND NOW, WITHOUT THE PHONE, I KNOW HOW MY HUSBAND IS..........HE IS A VERY ANGRY MAN, I IMAGINE AT THIS MOMENT...........HE IS BEING PUNISHED FOR NOTHING HE DID, AND WORSE OF ALL, HE JUST HAS TO HEAR MY VOICE EVERYDAY..............IN THE PRISON, WHEN THIS HAPPENED A COUPLE OF TIMES, HE SLIPPED INTO A DEPRESSION....HE WOULD SIT IN HIS BED FOR HOUIRS AND STARE AT THE WALL, AND LOOK AT MY PICTURES.........PEOPLE WOULD ASK HIM WHAT WAS WRONG, AND HE STOPPED TALKING TO EVERYONE.....I KNOW HOW MY JIMMY IS....HE'LL BE OK, AND BOUNCE BACK THE MOMENT HE CAN TALK TO ME.....WE HAVE A VERY STRONG BOND BETWEEN US....NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND.....JIMMY HAS A LOT OF ENERGY.....I MAKE HIM CALMER......HE NEEDS ME, AS I NEED HIM.....I ASKED JIMMY WHY IS EVERYONE BEING PUNISHED.....HE SAID IT IS BASED ON THE SAME PRINCIPLES AS BEING IN THE ARMY....

 I WENT TO SEE HIM LAST TUESDAY, AND IT WAS WONDERFUL....I BOUGHT HIM MORE TOILETRIES......AND THE LATEST HARRY POTTER BOOK.........SO, AT LEAST I KNOW HE HAS THAT BOOK, WHILE HE CAN'T TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE

AND NOW SOME VERY WONDERFUL NEWS....JIMMY WENT TO CLASSIFICATION YESTERDAY......HE WILL GO BACK NEXT WEEK...BECAUSE OF HIS TEST SCORES, ETC. , THEY WILL PLACE HIM IN A JOB BEFORE HE GOES TO THE HALF-WAY HOUSE.....THAT IS WONDERFUL, BECAUSE THAT MEANS HE DOES  NOT HAVE TO FIND HIS OWN JOB.....AND THAT WILL PROBABLY MEAN HIS WEEK-END FURLOURGHS HOME, WILL BE SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT.....

....SO, ALL IN ALL, THINGS ARE GOING VERY WELL...............................FRAN

 

 

 

LIFE AT TALBOT

THINGS  ARE THE SAME AT TALBOT,REHAB......JIMMY RUNS THE LIBRARY THERE....HE OPENS IT AT 7PM, AND CLOSES IT  AT 9PM......HE WANTED TO REARANGETHE BOOKS,AND PUT IT INTO EFUSED THAT....SOME SORT OF ORDER,BUT HE WAS DENIED THAT....SOTHE BOOKS REMAIN IN THE HARDCOVER SECTION,AND THE PAPERBACK SECTION...VERY BASIC.  JIMMY COULDHAVEITRE-ORGANIZEDIN2 DAYS.

THESPACE-BARDOESN'T WORK....SOIHAVE  BECOME  FEDUP,TYPING ANYTHING......I CANNOTCONNCENTRATEONWHAT I HAVE TO WRITE, WHEN I AM ONLY CONNCENTRATINGON THE SPACEBAR.....ICAN'TWAITFORMY DESKTOPTO BE FIXED.

I HOPE TO COME AND SEE JIMMY ON TUESDAY.....I RECEIVED A LETTER FROM  MYEYE DOCTOR, A  FEW DAYS AGO,THAT STATED I AM UNABLE TO DRIVE,AND UNABLE TO READ.....MY EYESIGHT CANNOT  BE CURED, BUT WILL ONLY DETERIORATE..................MY RIGHT EYE IS LEGALLY BLIND, ANDTHE LEFT EYE IS BORDERLINE, BUT  COULD DETERIARATE AT ANY MINUTE.....AND SO,THAT'S HOW IT GOES............AND ALL AROUND ME, A BATTLE GOES ON............BEFORE JIMMY LEFT HOME, HE TRIED TO GET FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO HELP ME.....BUT UNFORTUNATELY ,EVERYONE IS TOO BUSY.....PEOPLE ARE STILL IN DENIAL....THEY DO NOT SEEM TO BELIEVE THAT I AM LEGALLY BLIND.....I  HAVE A SISTER  WHO LIVES 20 MINUTES  AWAY.........SHE IS TOO BUSY RUNNING AROUND TOWN,  LOOKING FOR MEN, TO   OFFER TO  TAKE ME FOR  MONTHLY FOOD-SHOPPING.........A FATHER IN LAW, WHO DOESN'T CARE..........I'VE SPENT EVERY HOLIDAY ALONE, IN THIS HOUSE, FOR THE  PAST  18 MONTHS.....ON CHRISTMAS DAY,MY  SISTER  CAME HERE, AND PUT CHRISTMAS GIFTS ON MY LAWN.....I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT PRESENTS THAT DAY.....I HAD A  BAD INFECTION AND WAS BURNING WITH  FEVER................SHE DOESN'T CARE....NONE OF THEM CARE...........ONLY JIMMY  CARES ABOUT ME...AND OF COURSE  OUR PETS...........THEIR RESPONSE,  WAS TO CALL  911,WHEN  I WAS SICK...

..............I WOULD NOT TREAT AN  ANIMAL LIKE THIS.....IN MY JOURNAL, I  HAVE REALLY NEVER TOLD YOU JUST  HOW TERRIBLY  I HAVE BEEN  TREATED   IN THE PAST 18  MONTHS....I ALWAYS  JOKE ABOUT DRIVING...THE  TRUTH IS,NO ONE WANTS TO DRIVE ME....I WOULD STARVE TO DEATH  HERE,WITH MY 3  PETS....

TRUTHFULLY, I AM SCARED FOR THEIR SOULS, BECAUSE ULTIMATELY,WE ALL HAVE TO STAND BEFORE GOD.....

I DO NOT WANT SYMPATHY  FOR  BEING BLIND,OR  HAVING A HUSBAND IN PRISON......AND WHEN THE DOCTOR'S  LETTER ARRIVED, I REALIZED JUST HOW CRUEL THESE PEOPLE ARE.....HOW THEY  TREAT  A BLIND WOMAN.................."FORGIVE  THEM FATHER,THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO."

TIME GOES ON....

Hello Everyone....

Well,here I  am.....I'm proud of myself. I  was able to attach Jimmy's Dell Laptop to my tabletop computer screen....so I  have both screens on  in front of me...but I'm still  having trouble with the space bar....Tonight I was even able  to hook up the printer. However,the size of the print is too small for me,so I have to search around to put it on x-large

Last Tuesday,I did not see Jimmy...I prepared all day for it...Idid everything I had to....I fed the cats and Prince early.....I was  all dressed  and waiting, when my ride called and said  he  could not possibly  make it....he was far away from me,in  PA....and  was  stuck in traffic....He  actually knew this from the  morning.....that in reality he  would not make it.....I was brought up in a different way.....if you make a committment to  someone, you fulfill  it......if  you  have to  be in 2 places at one time, you tell the person, early, that you can't make  it....so be it...not leave everyone hanging...........................And so,when  Jimmy realized I  wasn't in  the building, he   panicked, thinking I may have been  in a car accident...When I go toTALBOT HALL, I must leave at 4:30PM...and get back at 10:30PM....it is a long  day....and I only get to see  Jimmy for 40 minutes.....oh well, the friend said next  week he'll take me....THAT IS  WHAT A PRISON WIFE IS ,,,,,AT THE MERCY OF EVERYONE....EVERYONE CONTROLS YOUR LIFE...AND I JUST DON'T  LIKE IT, AS I'M A VERY PRIVATE AND INDEPENDENT PERSON.....I  DON'T LIKE TO RELY ON ANYONE, FOR  ANYTHING....I'VE GOT TO DO IT MYSELF, SO I KNOW IT GETS DONE............And so,I  then wenttoWalmart,  and bought4 cases of catfood.....and 2  beautiful BARBIE DOLLS.....CATWOMAN.....and a BALLERINA....and a  pedometer, for when I go  walking.........and so,that was  that.....

computer broken

i am using jimmy's dell laptop,and it is driving me crazy....spacebar barely works....ijust wrote  a  whole entry....and then   it disappeared.....my big tabletop computer  is being  fixed..........I'm going  to see  Jimmy  tomorrow,and can't wait.......i love my journal, and those who read it..........i will write when thhe computer is fixed.....besides me,Jimmyis in love with his delllaptop....it must be female.....Ijust can't handle it,and it  isbeginning  to get onmy nerves!.......FRAN

HURRICANE FRANCES

I AM SURPISED....THE BIGGEST HURRICANE OF THE DECADE, IS HURRICANE FRANCES, MY NAMESAKE.......IT IS KIND OF SCARY, EVERYTIME I LOOK AT THE NEWS MEDIA, THERE IT IS, "FRANCES."....I AM WATCHING LARRY KING NOW, AND THEY ARE SHOWING FLORIDA.  THE REASON FRANCES IS SO TERRIBLE, IS THAT SHE IS A SLOW-MOVING, BUT EXTREMELY STRONG AND POWERFUL STORM.  SHE TAKES HER TIME MOVING.  SHE CAUSES A LONG , WIDE MARATHON OF MISERY.  JIMMY SAID TO ME TODAY, THIS IS REALLY STRANGE, FRANCES  (JIMMY ALWAYS CALLS ME FRANCES, MY ACTUAL NAME, INSTEAD OF FRAN), YOU ARE JUST LIKE HURRICANE FRANCES.....YOU MOVE SLOW, BUT WHEN YOU MOVE, YOU ARE VERY STRONG AND POWERFUL....AND IT IS TRUE.....I TAKE MY TIME IN LIFE, BUT CAN BE POWERFUL......SOMETHING MUST BE MAKING HURRICANE FRANCES ANGRY....SHE IS BLOWING OFF HER STEAM....I JUST PRAY, THAT SHE STOPS THIS, THAT HER ANGER WILL STOP......LIKE ME, SHE CAN STOP AT ANY MINUTE, IF SHE JUST CALMS DOWN...PLEASE , HURRICANE FRANCES, CALM DOWN...SETTLE YOUR DISTRESS WITHIN YOU..........REMEMBER MY MANTRA, WHICH I MADE UP MYSELF............PEACE, HARMONY, BALANCE......................IT IS NOT WORTH IT, FRANCES, TO CAUSE ALL THAT DEVASTATION, ON OUR PLANET..................YOU WILL BE HAPPIER BY SAYING, "PEACE, HARMONY, BALANCE.".........................PLEASE, GOD, SPARE FLORIDA, AND ALL THE PEOPLE AND HOMES THERE FROM THE DEVISTATION OF HURRICANE FRANCES...........PLEASE GOD, DIFfUSE HER ANGER AND STRENGTH....TURN HER FUROR INTO LOVE AND PEACE...INTO BEING A BEAUTIFUL, CALM PEACEFUL STORM.....SPARE ANY LIVES, AFFECTED BY THIS STORM.....PLEASE, FATHER, ABOVE....PLEASE CALM FRANCES.........OH MY!...THE TV IS SAYING IT IS THE WORST OF THE STORM, IN FLORIDA....WINDS OF 85 MILES PER HOUR...THEY ARE TELLING PEOPLE TO GET IN THEIR HOMES, AND GET BEHIND AS MANY WALLS AS YOU CAN..................WELL, I'LL KEEP PRAYING ALL NIGHT....I'M SO SADDENED BY ALL OF THIS.....CAN THERE NEVER BE PEACE ON THIS PLANET?.......................IT IS REALLY "ERRIE," TO BE THE NAMESAKE OF THIS STORM.....TRUTHFULLY, I ALWAYS FELT MY NAME, FRANCES, WAS A VERY BORING NAME...I ALWAYS FELT BECAUSE OF MY NAME, IN GROWING UP, I WAS A VERY BORING PERSON...I ALWAYS WANTED A CUTE NAME, LIKE JUDY....OR ANY NAME....IT'S JUST THAT I HATED MY NAME, FRANCES............AND NOW, ODDLY ENOUGH, HURRICANE FRANCES IS MAKING HISTORY.........

SUNNY DAY....

Today is a beautiful sunny, warm day here in South Jersey....In a little while I'll go outside and walk 1-2 miles....and sit on the park benches, and look at the trees...and the birds and squirrels.....it's so beautiful here!...the ocean and beaches aand boardwalk  are only 15 minutes from my house.....And, it is now almost 1 1/2 years that Jimmy has been away...that is, 18 months.............somehow 18 months doesn't sound so bad....I spoke to his friend a little while ago, and he will take me to see Jimmy this coming Tuesday evening....Even 40 minutes is heaven for me to see my husband....just to hold him, kiss him, hug him.........it is around 4 hours of traveling back and forth, for a mere 40 minutes of being in each others presence.....

  Last night at Talbot Hall, the "ALUMNI CLUB," held a program.....At least 250 residents were there, along with counselors and the Administrator ....The "Alumni Club," consists of men who have graduated from this program, and have gone on to lead good, productive lives...good citizens........some are even Doctors and Lawyers who had committed a crime, and were now reformed....They hold regular meetings and programs, and come back to Talbot Hall to speak to the residents....Jimmy is on the "alumni committee," and is really impressed with the program.....

  Now listen what happened last night!  The men who had graduated from Talbot Hall were giving speeches...the auditorium was filled with residents, listening......Suddenly, one speaker, points to my husband, says his name, and says "This man did something for me last year in Bayside Prison, that changed my life!"............what a wonderful thing!....he actually remembered Jimmy...and acknowledged him in front of everyone!....Jimmy can't believe this happened.........Men at Talbot were coming up to Jimmy, talking to him about this all last night and even today.....Jimmy does help people, all the time....prison or not....he just has a special gift for that....

  I am so proud of my husband....I love him so.....I am here, waiting for him, keeping our home and life "together."

"TRUE LOVE MAGAZINE"

The story I wrote is currently out, on your newstand , now.......It is the SEPTEMBER 2004 issue of, "TRUE LOVE MAGAZINE.".....The story is about how Jimmy and I met, and got married, in Las Vegas....as we were living there.....It is a full page story, along with a color glossy pix of Jimmy and I getting married......It is on the last page of the magazine.....it is called, "HERE COMES THE BRIDE," and is a monthly feature in the magazine....I will be calling the publisher to get some extra copies....................Hope you all enjoy reading it!........................Fran

My Thoughts

It's a hot , sunny Saturday, here in South Jersey.  I'm just "here," relaxing , thinking of Jimmy.....I should be there , with him, today, but i just haven't had the courage to make the 1 1/2 journey, there, through the Parkway and Turn Pike.....15 years ago, or so, I drove up and down those highways, like it was nothing....I lived in Manhattan, and would drive down to the Jersey shore, whenever I wanted....it was nothing for me to drive it...day or night.....and now, it saddens me, I just can't do it......Not only is the road a problem....it's the toll booths, and being able to read the signs as to where to go...which booth,etc............oh, you all just don't know....it's just terrible.......................The literature says it takes a person around 1 year to "adjust" to eyesight loss......Well I'm past that year...........it's been 2 years........  I had been married to Jimmy exactly one year, when I lost my eyesight....I simply went to work, and couldn't see...I couldn't read my assignment.  As I bent down over the table, to read my assignment, with my eye 1 inch from the paper, the room of nurses, my co-workers, stopped talking , and asked me what was wrong....I said, "I don't know, I just can't see."...and it was all downhill after that...until they finally confirmed I was legally blind, after having laser surgery on my eyes several times....I not only had Retinopathy, but in my right eye, the macula was damaged...You may know that the macula is the central line of vision...without the macula, you can just forget it..you can't read and see distortion.........so, what I see in my right eye, is all distortion....everything is small and twisted...lines are all distorted and bent...if I look at a person, with only that eye, the person's head looks like a monster...totally distorted and scary...I think a lot of my vision today, is based on my memory....I remember things as they were.....I can read, and use this computer, because the screen is very big, with x-large print.....I read only with my left eye....I must keep my right eye closed, or else it will distort it...And my left eye must be around 1 inch from the page....it is tiring, and takes me a longer time to read...And yet, I refuse to quit....I read more now, than ever....magazines, I especially love, due to the color pix, and large print,etc....books, I just really scan through them, and the print is just too small, x-cept if it is x-large print.........reading the computer is best and easiest for me....It is all just an adjustment....I now believe, after 2 years of being "legally blind, " that I really don't have anything wrong with my eyes....I am just like everyone else, only I must try harder with my eyes....I make jokes about it....I make people laugh about it in public.....it is just a wonderful challenge God has given me, that's all..................And best of all, I can see Jimmy's face and eyes perfectly well!........................................................

  Jimmy made our whole house 'blind-proof!"........He does everything for me, my wonderful husband....I feel best in my home, because I feel "SAFE" here...........I don't have to struggle, because I know where everything is...The lighting is just so, so I can see and read under it.....I have a big, protective dog, who barks at people, so I am protected...I can drive to the stores, which are nearby, because I've memorized the way......Before Jimmy left, he made sure I had memorized the way to several places......Before he left, Jimmy stocked the house with enough food and supplies, and pet food, that I could last almost forever on it.....the food really never ran out for over 6-8 months later.....and I still have some supplies and canned goods left over......my husband is just a very wonderful man, what more can I say?!...........

  Jimmy bought me the large computer screen before he left (although we have a wonderful Dell Laptop, too)...Then he bought a large-screen tv...he hooked up stereo, dvd, vcr, karaoke ,headphones, everything ,is all hooked up....I sing and record myself...our speaker system is the best...it is like a recording studio, here!...Since I lost part of my eyesight, I love to sing, and to listen to music....When I listen to the music, I can hear each individual instrument played...I become one with the misic and beat...Music and singing has become my friend since Jimmy left.....I don't care who likes my singing and moving to the beat....it is something no one can take away.....I don't have to be part of the world, I belong to music, (however, I belong to my husband, first)......You see, if I were a criminal, and locked up in prison, they could never take away the songs in my head...that is for me to always keep.................

  All I really want today, is to be in his arms, with him kissing me........He desires Chinese Food..........After 18 months , he has not had any restaurant food............And I'm a failure...because I can't bring it to him.....won ton soup...eggdrop soup, and egg foo young, pork....that's what he wants....Oh God...I can't stand him desiring food.....I just can't stand it.................This is a man who not only loves food, but loves taking me out to restaurants.....Fot him, it's a whole "experience.".  When we go to a restaurant, it startrts from the car.........He drives, then he comes around and opens my door....he helps me out.....he kisses and hugs me...holds my hand a we walk...........he opens the restaurant door.....takes my chair and seats me.....then takes my hand, across the table, and gazes in my eyes....he tells me how beautiful I am....then we look at the menu, and order.....We have a favorite Chinese Restaurant here.....We barely order, for the waitress already knows what we want!..............And it's so romantic for us......When iI think about sitting there with Jimmy, in the days before his inprisonment, I just can't stand it............I sat there, in love with my husband, knowing the date he would have to leave me..............let me tell you, inside of me, I just couldn';t stand it.....It was eating me away....I was scared....I could not live alone without Jimmy...............I couldn't handle it......but I always acted calm, and pretended that nothing was amiss...I was a woman in love.......I couldn't see the future....the present moment was all that I saw.....to have a wonderful romantic meal. and then go home and be made love to by this wonderful man..............and make love to me he did..........over and over, throughout the day,,,,,,,,each and every day..........to lay in his arms, and gaze into one anothrs eyes..........to be unaware of anything....nothing existed, only our love for each other......We were, and I believe we still are , in the "STATE OF INFATUATION."..............That is why people were always kind of jealous of us, and our love...they couldn't figure us out...............we were not teenagers...........literature says, the stage of infatuation lasts 3-6 months...........when Jimmy walked out of this door, on his way to jail, we were married 2 years, and still infatuated with each other....and now, 3 years 4 months into our marriage, being seperated 18 months of that time, we are still infatuated, but we have entered the third stage, which is a cementing of the relationship.......

.......In the time before he went to prison, we never really talked about him going to prison...He was making plans for me.....he knew what it was all about......well, maybe we did(talk) but we never dwelled on it...Jimmy was always protecting me from "the prison system.".....

  And so, today I'm here, once again, emotional and crying...Jimmy says it won't be long now, but I just can't help it......................my husband was taken away from me when we were both in a state of infatuation..........and it's unfair.............I guess I never explained it to you all that way...............

  Jimmy will call soon, and I'll bring Prince out, and try to enjoy the nice day......

"THE TIME IS CLOSE, NOW"

Jimmy received his final evaluation today, and by next week he should know which half-way house he will be placed in...Then, a few weeks after that, he will go to the half-way house.....and soon after that, he will have his first furlough home, which will be a 12 hour furlough....we are very excited, and already talking and planning that first furlough....!

  I am very happy that Jimmy is in a place such as "TALBOT HALL."....It is a wonderful place!...We are both blessed he is there!.....It is a place of healing and health, of purging out the old negativities, and replacing them with positive energy...............From the minute you walk up the steps into Talbot, which is a brick building, in Kearny, New Jersey...you feel a magical, spiritual feeling take over you!...It is hard to explain, but that is how it feels!...Positive energy infiltrates you, and you feel great!....As you enter the sparkling glass doors, you are then met by a wall of glass....immaculately clean and sparkling!....The nice scent of disinfectant in the air.....and the immaculate marble floor beneath your feet!..A beautiful plaque on the wall.....Everyone is so courteous. and helpful.....Everything is bright and cheerful!

  Talbot is run almost like a bootcamp....It is a place determined to make good productive citizens out of their residents.  Talbot houses around 500 men, and their rooms are in different sections, called "Harmony,"  "Tranquility," and "Serenity."  Each room has several men in it, in bunk beds, along with a phone in the room.

  FYI, New Jersey has approx. 30, 000 inmates in the prison system.  Our country has approx. 2 million, prisoners, and that includes women inmates.  New Jersey has a low rate of women prisoners....Women seem to get off easier when it comes to going to prison, in our country, so if you're going to commit a crime, it would be a better idea to be a woman...(just kidding!).......Thus, most prisoners are men......Our country alone, the USA, has more prisoners than all the "free world countries" combined....

  When we think of a prisoner, we normally dump them into the same category....but no, that's wrong.  There are 3 types of criminals....1.  Mass murders, killers, serial killers.  2. Thieft, robberies, drugs....things like that...   3.  White collar crimes....fraud, conspiracy,etc.....Doctors, lawyers, and people such as this fall into this category.  My husband, Jimmy, falls into the third category. 

  That was some info for you....a few stats......And now, for the New Jersey residents and taxpayers, I have some great news for you!...........Talbot Hall is a dream come true for the taxpayer....you are all getting more than your tax dollar!....And here is why....

  TALBOT HALL is a "CEC."  That is, a "COMMUNITY EDUCATION CENTER."  It is run on the basis of "THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE." (Did you read the book?)   It is a program that  rebuilds prisoners and teaches them to become productive members of society. It is an 8 week program , where the resident is up at 6 am, and starts classes promptly at 8am...Each resident attends a schedule of classes, mostly hour -long, and then he is finally done at 9pm  It is no doubt a strict environment...Every moment is being used...there is no goofing off in a place like that...Also, there are lots of highly-effecient counselors  My husband works in the library, and also is giving hour-long , about management....according to the book, "the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People."   Jimmy just loves it!..Jimmy belongs to committees, and ran the talent show a few weeks ago.  Also, residents participate in sports activities outside on the premises. This type of program is usually run by top-notch corporations....it is a highly expensive program....costing , not hundreds, but tens of thousands of dollars.  These inmates are so lucky, to be part of this program, and I hope they are aware of it....

  If you get a chance, look it up on the web.....it is "the Chartered Management Institute,"  whose main office is in London.  I guess I'm getting carried away, a little here, but Jimmy and I find it very exciting, that a REHAB CENTER, should give such a magnificant program to people....Talbot Hall shoild be recognized as the wonderful and educational place it is!.......Like I said, the program is actually geared toward top business executives.  Jimmy tries to explain to the residents the beauty of this program.....

  Thank you, Dear Lord, for sending Jimmy to Talbot Hall.

..............................................FRAN

Prison Jargon

Prison is a "World of it's Own."  It has it's own mystique, and remains a mystery to those who have never been beyond the prison walls.  You will hear unique words and phrases used when in prison....a "language of it's own."  I asked my husband, Jimmy, to send me a list of words and phrases, used in prison, and the following is what he sent me. 

1.  "Fallback/Take it Down"...Sleep

2.  "Hook Off".... Throw A Punch

3. " Feel Me?"...You Understand?

4.  "Play you out"..Make a Fool of You.

5.  "Chip you up"....Beat you up.

6. " Spin off"...Get away from me.

7.  "Stick and Move"...Get your things and move.

8.  "Shooting Rocks"...Staring at a person

9.  "Word is Bond"...This is the truth   (what it really means, is get ready for a big lie....lol)

10.  "Step off"....Get away or I will hit you.

11.  "My Bad"...This means I'm sorry, when you bump into someone.

12.  "Word up"....It is true

13..."Get a Hat"...Means parole will not release you right now.  They want you to do more time.

14.  "It's a Wrap"..It's over and done

15.  "Bid"...."My wife is doing the bid with me,"= "My wife is doing time with me."

 

 

Thanks to Everyone

Hi Everyone!

  Thanks so much for reading my journal, and for leaving such wonderful, and heart-warming comments.  Also, thanks for all the great E-mails I've received!.....i feel so blessed to know you .....all of you out there in computer-land! 

 Jimmy has all the residents reading my journal  (especially the one AOL featured in "flirts and friends"......"The First Visit."  I am happy for them to read it.....Also, I did reveal a lot of my life before I met Jimmy, which is a good purging out for me....As Jimmy is in Rehab now, this is his time to be purged out of all negativities, and to learn to understand himself, become a better individual in this world....it is a most definite learning experience, and I'm glad he is going through it, as well as myself....

  As I've said, Talbot Hall is a wonderful place!!.............It is full of positive energy!....It has a clean-wholesome feeling to it!   When you walk up the steps, and into the sparkling clean glass doors, you feel wonderful....as if a "spiritual feeling has hit you."...And the cleanliness is astonishing!...Everything sparkles and is glistening, and the clean, fresh smell of disinfectants is in the air!...What a wonderful place to be in!...I'm so happy Jimmy is there!

  Well, I have 2 more pieces of good-news for you today!...First is that Jimmy passed his next evaluation today again, and he did very well!........It won't be long now, that he'll be going to a Half-way House.

  Second, is that yesterday, I got 3 Haiku's (Poems), published in the local newspaper.  It was around 9pm at night when I first opened the paper, and was shocked as they were there starring in my face!.....I'll write them here for you.....I wrote these last Autumn, when I would walk outside, and talk to the trees...Our home is on a circle, with lots of trees and park-benches...(it is located in what was once a forest....so it is very pretty and inspirational here).  Anyhow, my lonliness, and missing my husband, led me to write haiku's and poetry...............In these haiku's, I become one with nature.....Isoothe, and feel soothed by nature.  

  

                               Fran's Haiku's

#1.......................Tranquil is the day,

                         Peace, harmony, and balance,

                          Lord, show me the way.

 

#2. .....................Your leaves turn orange,

                         My beautiful maple tree.

                         Summer is over.

 

#3...................... So still is the lake.

                          All is peaceful and perfect.

                          Balanced is my soul.

                          (all 3 are copyrighted...2003)

(I hope everyone remembers from their high-school days, that a Haiku has in the first line, 5 syllables, the second line has7 syllables, and the third line has 5 syllables).  A haiku is most often about nature, but can be about anything.  It often helps to look at nature, and if you can't be there with nature, looking at a picture will help you!....Why not try writing one yourself!...If you do, leave it in my comments, for everyone to see and enjoy!..........................................FRAN