I'VE BEEN FEELING KIND OF QUIET THESE PAST FEW DAYS....I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW A FEW MINUTES AGO, AND IT IS SNOWING AGAIN...IT'S 3AM. JUST WHEN THE SNOW WAS CLEARING UP, AND I THOUGHT I MAYBE COULD VENTURE OUT OF THE HOUSE, HERE IT IS AGAIN. I JUST CAN'T GO OUT IN THE COLD AND SNOW...WITH A FOOT THAT JUST 4 MONTHS AGO HAD MAJOR SURGERY, AN AMPUTATION, WITH STILL A WOUND THE IS HEALING...NO BOOT OR SHOE WILL FIT....AND WITH THE NUMBNESS AND POOR CIRCULATION, THERE IS A POSSIBILITY OF FROSTBITE.....SO, I SIT HERE AND WAIT......FOR THE WARM WEATHER, AND FOR MY JIMMY TO RETURN HOME..........IT HAS BEEN ALMOST 3 WEEKS SINCE I LAST WENT OUT OF THE HOUSE, AND I'M JUST NOT USED TO IT. I MISS LAS VEGAS MORE THAN ANYTHING, WHEN AT THIS TIME OF YEAR IT IS REALLY QUITE WARM...IN VEGAS, WHEN YOU STAND OUTSIDE IN THE RAYS OF THE SUN, YOU ARE WARMED IMMEDIATELY, BECAUSE THE RAYS OF THE SUN ARE SO MUCH STRONGER IN THE DESERT....HERE IN NEW JERSEY, EVEN IF IT IS SUNNY OUT THIS TIME OF YEAR, THE RAYS OF THE SUN ARE NOT STRONG ...........I LOVE THE SOUTHWEST DESERT.........I FEEL I AM PART OF IT.....MY SPIRIT LONGS FOR THE DESERT.........THE DRYNESS, THE WARMTH, THE PEACE, THE TRANQUILITY.........GETTING IN THE CAR AND DRIVING THROUGH THE DESERT......THE BARRENESS, THE CACTUS.......MILES AND MILES OF "NOTHINGNESS.".........NO PERSON, NO ANIMAL IN SIGHT...........DESERT MOUNTAINS IN THE DISTANCE...........EVERYONE SHOULD EXPERIENCE LIVING IN THE DESERT AT LEAST ONCE IN THEIR LIVES..................
WELL, LIFE GOES ON FOR JIMMY AND I.........HE CALLED ME AROUND 5 TIMES TODAY.........EVERYTIME HE CALLED, I WAS STILL IN BED SLEEPING......THAT'S ALL I REALLY COULD DO TODAY......ROLL OVER AND SLEEP..........HE TOLD ME I MUST GET UP TOMORROW AND START DOING A FEW THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE............SOMETIMES IT'S VERY HARD. AND SO, WE LAUGHED AND TALKED AND JOKED ON THE PHONE........JIMMY WAS IN A GOOD MOOD.....THAT'S HOW OUR LIFE IS. TALKING ON THE PHONE....AND FOR 23 MONTHS, HE KEEPS ME GOING IN LIFE, SURVIVING FROM PHONE CALL TO PHONE CALL..............
TODAY I DID RE-READ PART OF A BOOK I HAVE HAD FOR SVERAL YEARS, WHICH I BOUGHT WHEN IN LAS VEGAS...........IT IS CALLED 'THE MEDICINE WHEEL."................YOU SEE I LOVE BOOKS LIKE THAT........I HAVE HUNDREDS OF BOOKS THAT ARE VERY UNUSUAL, SPIRITUAL BOOKS.......THROUGH THE YEARS OF LIVING IN THE SOUTHWEST DESERT, I BUILT UP MY LIBRARY OF BOOKS. IN THE HOT, DRY DESERT EVENING, I'D ALWAYS DRIVE OUT TO THE BOOKSTORE, AND BUY MYSELF SOME BOOKS TO ADD TO MY LIBRARY......THEY WERE ALWAYS SPECIAL BOOKS.......I LOVE BOOKS. THEY ARE MY FRIENDS. AND THOSE BOOKS ARE HERE WITH ME NOW......YES, MOST WERE SHIPPED 2500 MILES ACROSS THE COUNTRY, FROM VEGAS TO JERSEY......BECAUSE JIMMY KNEW I COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT THEM.
WHAT IS THE 'MEDICINE WHEEL" ABOUT?............IT IS A BOOK WRITTEN BY SUN BEAR, A CHIPPEWA MEDICINE MAN, LOCATED IN SPOKANE, WASHINGTON. THE BOOK WAS WRITTEN AS FROM A VISION HE HAD MANY YEARS AGO. THE BOOK HELPS TO GUIDE PEOPLE NOT ONLY IN THEIR DAILY LIVING, BUT IN THEIR LIFE PATH AS WELL.
I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE SOME THOUGHTS OF SUN BEAR WITH YOU. I BELIEVE IT PERTAINS TO ALL HUMAN BEINGS, AND TO OUR EARTH.
"MY MESSAGE CAN BE SUMMED UP IN THE PHASE 'WALK IN BALANCE UPON THE MOTHER EARTH.' I FEEL WE HAVE COME TO THE POINT WHERE WE TRULY FEEL THE ONENESS, THE UNITY, THAT CONNECTS US TO ALL ASPECTS OF OUR LIVES."........."WE ALL SHARE THE SAME MOTHER EARTH, REGARDLESS OF RACE OR COUNTRY OF ORIGIN, SO LET US LEARN THE WAYS OF LOVE, PEACE AND HARMONY, AND SEEK THE GOOD PATHS IN LIFE."
AND NOW, I WILL SAY GOOD-NITE, AND THANK YOU FOR READING MY JOURNAL. I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR COMMENTS AND THE WONDERFUL E-MAILS I HAVE RECEIVED....THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.....YOU ARE ALL IN MY HEART, AND I THINK ABOUT THE VARIOUS PEOPLE WHO MAY STOP BY THIS JOURNAL, TO READ A FEW LINES, IN THEIR BUSY SCHEDULE...WHO CARE ENOUGH TO READ SOMEONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS..........
LOVE,
FRAN........"tTHE WIFE OF A PRISONER"