Monday, January 16, 2006

MISSING MY HUSBAND

I MISS JIMMY SO MUCH...I WISH HE WERE HERE WITH ME, RIGHT NOW, MORE THAN ANYTHING.  THE WORST THING IS THAT WE CAN ONLY TALK FOR A LIMITED TIME ON THE PHONE...TODAY WE SPOKE FOR 2. 15 MINUTE COLLECT CALLS, AT 7:30 PM...JIMMY HAD CALLED ME AT 12:30 PM,. BUT THE CALLS WOULDN'T GO THROUGH, AS SOMETIMES HAPPENS WITH PHONE CALLS FROM PRISON...SO, HE TRIED CALLING ME 8 TIMES, BUT THE CALLS KEPT DISCONNECTING.  SO WHEN HE GOT THROUGH AT 7:30 PM, HE WAS FRANTIC...ALL THE OTHER INMATES WERE AROUND HIM, AND HE TOLD THEM HE FINALLY GOT THROUGH.........JIMMY GETS CRAZY WHEN HE CAN'T TALK TO ME.  WHAT I MEAN IS, HE "PANICS."  AS LONG AS HE CAN "HEAR MY VOICE," HE IS OK.......AND I AM THE SAME WAY WITH HIM.  TRUTHFULLY, JIMMY AND I STARTED TALKING TO EACH OTHER SINCE WE MET, ON MARCH 1, 2001, AND TO THIS DAY, WE HAVE NOT STOPPED!.....YES, WE NEVER RUN OUT OF THINGS TO TALK ABOUT.  AND I MEAN, A LOT OF OUR TALK GOES WAY BACK TO WHEN WE WERE BABIES AND CHILDREN...IT IS LIKE WE COMPARE NOTES ABOUT OUR WHOLE LIFE, GOING BACK TO CHILDHOOD, AND WE DON'T MISS ANYTHING...........I LOVE JIMMY SO....I AM ONE OF THOSE WOMEN WHO TELLS HER HUSBAND EVERYTHING.....AND HE DOES THE SAME WITH ME........NO STONE IS LEFT UNTURNED........ BEING CONNECTED BY PHONE IS CRUCIAL TO OUR MARRIAGE...AND SO, I BLESS "ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL," EVERYDAY, FOR INVENTING THE PHONE!       :)

I ASKED JIMMY TO WRITE DOWN HIS VIEWS ON PRISON...THIS IS WHAT HE WROTE.....

 

DEAR FRAN.....MY DARLING LITTLE WIFE,

WOULD YOU LIKE MY THOUGHTS ON JAIL?  WELL, HERE GOES.....

I AM NO VIRGIN TO JAIL.  BEFORE THIS BID, I DID 8 MONTHS, THEN 18 MONTHS.  I MUST BE TRUTHFUL. IT WAS VERY EASY FOR ME. 

I AM A SMART, QUIET, WHITE GUY.  I KEPT BUSY READING. WRITING, HELPING OTHER INMATES, AND YES, ALSO OFFICERS AND STAFF WITH THEIR PERSONAL LEGAL WOES.

ONE DAY, TWO BIDS AGO, IT WAS LOUD, NOISY, ...PEPPERED WITH A LOT OF TENSION.  MY BUNKIE SAID TO ME, "THIS IS HORRIBLE."  I SAID TO HIM, "IT COULD NE WORSE.  I COULD BE HOME."  HE LOOKED AT ME AS IF I WERE NUTS.  YOU SEE, I HAD NO ONE ON THE OUTSIDE WHO LOVED OR CARED ABOUT ME.  THE FUNNY THING IS, I ALWAYS WENT TO JAIL TO KEEP SOMEONE ELSE OUT.  SO THE DEAL WAS, I WOULD TAKE THE FALL.  I HAD MONEY AND A HOME, BUT NOBODY LOVED ME.  USED ME. YES.  LOVED ME, NO.

NOW, THIS BID HAS BEEN A REAL M----R F----R,  FROM THE FIRST DAY.  THIS CHARGE HAPPENED A YEAR BEFORE I MARRIED  FRAN.  ALL I DO IS CRAVE HER.  AND THE LIFE WE HAD.

I FEEL EMPTY, SICK...NOT AWAKE.....CAUGHT IN A BAD DREAM.

THERE'S NOT A MOMENT, OR SECOND, WHERE I DO NOT HURT FROM MISSING HER.  AND I THINK, 'WHY GOD, COULD I HAVE NOT MET HER 30 YEARS AGO?"

................WRITTEN BY JIMMY JAN. 9, 2006

(THIS IS AN ESSAY WRITTEN BY A MAN, MY HUSBAND, WHO HAS BEEN LOCKED UP IN AN 8X9 FT. CELL, SINCE THE FIRST WEEK IN DECEMBER, NOW 6 WEEKS LATER, LET OUT FOR ONLY AN HOUR OR SO EACH DAY.  WITHIN THAT CELL, HE HAS A ROOM MATE AND A TOILET THEY SHARE.  I THOUGHT YOU MAY FIND IT INTERESTING JUST WHAT GOES ON IN THE MIND OF A MAN WHO IS LOCKED UP IN SUCH TIGHT QUARTERS....WITH NOTHING TO DO...BARELY ANY READING MATERIAL...NO RADIO ...NOTHING BUT THEIR THOUGHTS.........FRAN)

2 comments:

lv2trnscrb said...

Oh, Fran, I'm sorry you are missing him so much. He will be home so very soon, although it seems like such a long time away. I wish he could be in a better place though to finish his last days in prison. That cell is way too small for someone his size plus with a roommate plus with nothing to do all day.

hugs to you

betty

jbenjack said...

wow that was very eye opening-Jimmy sounds like a good man who has made some bad choices.