Sunday, January 29, 2006

35 MORE DAYS, TIL PAROLE...

IT'S NOW 35 DAYS UNTIL JIMMY COMES HOME ON PAROLE.  AS OF TOMORROW, MONDAY, IT WILL BE 5 WEEKS....YES, 5 SIMPLE WEEKS.....JIMMY IS AS HAPPY AS CAN BE WHEN I TALK TO HIM....AS FOR MYSELF, I'M VERY HAPPY, TOO, BUT I HAVE LEARNED FOR THE THREE YEARS THAT MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN IN THE PRISON SYSTEM, TO NEVER BE THAT HAPPY THAT YOU LET GO OF YOUR EMOTIONS...WHAT I'M SAYING IS, THAT THIS EXPERIENCE HAS TAUGHT ME TO BE "GUARDED,"....MORE THAN EVER I "GUARD" MY FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS....I NEVER WANT TO LET GO OF MYSELF TOO MUCH, BECAUSE IF I AM DISAPPOINTED, ONCE AGAIN, I DON'T WANT TO LET IT AFFECT ME IN A BAD WAY............

AND SO., I AM QUIET THESE DAYS, JUST LETTING LIFE "UNFOLD."  I DO THE NORMAL THINGS IN LIFE, ACTUALLY LEADING A VERY BORING, MUNDANE EXISTENCE........I EVEN "BORE " MYSELF, IF THAT IS POSSIBLE!.......ONLY MY HUSBAND KEEPS TELLING ME, I AM THE MOST EXCITING AND INTERESTING WOMAN HE EVER MET.................I DO THE HOUSEWORK, TAKE CARE OF THE ANIMALS, COOK, WASH THE DISHES, WASH THE CLOTHES.....EVERYTHING DONE SIMPLY....NO FUSS, NO MUSS.........WONDERING, BUT TRYING NOT TO THINK OF WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS......

OF COURSE, AS YOU ALL KNOW, I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY HUSBAND TO COME HOME,AND HOLD AND TOUCH ME.......BUT SOMETIMES I JUST HAVE TO TRY TO FORGET ABOUT IT, AND TRY TO GET THROUGH EACH BORING DAY. ALONE.........SOMETIMES IT IS SIMPLY 'EXHAUSTING, ' TO KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE WONDERFUL MAN I MARRIED, AND HOW MUCH I CRAVE HIM, AND AM IN LOVE WITH HIM..........SO SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, LIKE TODAY, I STOP 'THINKING, " AND JUST  "EXIST."...........IT IS MUCH EASIER THAT WAY, AND LESS PAINFUL............

TO BE A PRISONER'S WIFE IS A VERY STRANGE EXISTENCE....WE LIVE IN OUR OWN PLACE OF TIME AND SPACE.............AS FOR MYSELF, YOU COULD ALMOST SAY THAT WITHIN THESE 3 YEARS , I HAVE PRETTY MUCH BECOME A RECLUSE.........THE ONLY THING I LIKE TO DO , IS WRITE.........I DON'T LIKE GOING OUT ANYMORE, AS I ONCE WAS VERY ACTIVE.....I ENJOY DOING WHAT I DO EVERYDAY..AND THAT IS, ALMOST NOTHING...I EXIST IN MY OWN LITTLE BUBBLE........TAKING CARE OF MYSELF, THE PETS, THE HOUSE......DOING THINGS LIKE WATCHING TV, READING, SINGING, AND WRITING...........JIMMY SAYS I AM THE ONE PERSON HE EVER MET WHO IS METICULOUS ABOUT KEEPING RECORDS, AND GETTING THINGS DONE ON TIME....SO, HE'S RIGHT.......I HAVE MANY, MANY NOTEBOOKS THAT I WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN IN...FINANCES, DATES...WHATEVER, YOU NAME IT!  I KEEP TRACK OF IT, WRITTEN DOWN..I MUST HAVE AROUND 20 MOTEBOOKS I HAVE WRITTEN THINGS DOWN IN DURING THESE 3 YEARS OF JIMMY BEING AWAY.......I AM A PERSON WHO MAKES LISTS AND LISTS....JIMMY SAYS THAT TURNS HIM ON!......WHEN I FIRST MET JIMMY I STOPPED WRITING LISTS, AND I THINK IT'S BECAUSE HE HANDLED EVERYTHING, AND I WAS VERY RELAXED.......

WELL, I THINK I'LL GO CHECK OUT WHAT MOVIES ARE ON  "ON -DEMAND," THEN GO TO SLEEP....TOMORROW I HAVE TO VENTURE OUT TO THE FOODSTORE, NOT EXACTLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO!...........FRAN

2 comments:

lv2trnscrb said...

wow, Fran, five more weeks! So awesome! You know, it will take you a while to adjust, to relax to him being home, but it will happen and all of this will be behind you and you can just enjoy life with Jimmy.

betty

mindercella33 said...

HI THERE. SORRY I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO READ YOUR JOURNAL LATELY. I AM SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT PAROLE IS COMING UP. I AM PRAYING SO HARD FOR YOU AND JIMMY. I AM HAVING A PROCEDURE DONE TO MY BACK TOMORROW SO I  DON'T KNOW WHEN I WILL BE ABLE TO GET UPSTAIRS ON THE COMPUTER AGAIN. KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS. I AM SOOOOOO HAPPY FOR THE TWO OF YOU. HUGS, CYNDY