Thursday, March 31, 2005

IT'S STILL TODAY

TODAY WAS A BEAUTIFUL SPRING DAY.  I GOT UP EARLY, FOR ONCE, AND WALKED 1 MILE, AROUND THE CIRCLE I LIVE ON. THAT WAS 2 LAPS AROUND, AND FOR ME THAT WAS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. I WEAR MY WALKMAN A I WALK, AND SING. I PUSHED MY WHEELCHAIR, BUT NEVER SAT IN IT, AND BROUGHT MY CANE ALONG. I STILL WEAR VELCRO BOOTS ON BOTH FEET, AS I AM UNABLE TO WEAR SHOES, AND I AM TOO SCARED TO EVER EVEN TRY TO PUT SHOES ON MY FEET SINCE I HAD AN AMPUTATION. TO ME, SHOES ARE "LIKE THE ENEMY, " AND I DON'T CARE HOW UGLY MY FEET LOOK WITH THESE SURGICAL-SUPPLY STORE BOOTS. THEY ARE CALLED DARCO BOOTS.  SO, WEARING MY SUNGLASSES, I WALKED IN THE SUN AND FRESH AIR.  I GREETED ALL THE TREES, THAT I SO MISSED SINCE LAST FALL, WHEN I BECAME SICK.  I SAT ON THE PARK BENCHES.  I THEN, WENT HOME AND TOOK PRINCE , MY DOG , OUT FOR A WALK, AND WE SAT OUTSIDE FOR 1 HOUR.   THEN, I EXERCISED WITH A SHOW ON TV.  I COOKED MY VEGETABLES IN THE WOK, AND ATE A SALAD, AND AN APPLE.  I DID EVERYTHING PERFECTLY TODAY.  IT WAS A PERFECT DAY.  AND YET, HERE IT IS, THE EVENING, AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED.  I STILL SIT HERE, ALONE, WITHOUT A HUSBAND.  TODAY IS THE SAME AS EVERYDAY HAS BEEN FOR ME FOR 2 YEARS, NOW GOING ON 3.  NO MATTER HOW HAPPY I AM, OR MAY FEEL, I AM JUST NOT HAPPY ENOUGH.  SOMETIMES I FEEL I BELONG NO WHERE, TO NO ONE.  TODAY I WATCHED OPRAH (IT WAS A REPEAT, I HAD SEEN BEFORE).  IT WAS ABOUT WOMEN ACROSS OUR COUNTRY THAT ARE CHEATING, IN THEIR MARRIAGES.  IT HAS BECOME A NORMAL THING.  EVERYONE, JUST ABOUT DOES IT.  MY HUSBAND GAVE ME PERMISSION, DURING THIS TIME, TO FORM "MALE FRIENDSHIPS, ' IF I SO DESIRE.  HOWEVER, THAT MEANS , 'GOING OUT FOR COFFEE."  I HAVE YET TO FIND ANYONE THAT WANTS TO GO OUT FOR COFFEE.  I ONLY  FIND MEN THAT WANT TO COME HERE AND HAVE SEX. I FIND MEN THAT BEG TO COME TO MY HOUSE.  I FOUND SOMEONE THAT WILL EVEN TAKE ME TO A NUDE BEACH!  I FIND MEN ACROSS OUR COUNTRY WHO WANT TO COME AND MEET ME.  I FIND YOUNG GUYS, LIKE IN THEIR TWENTIES, WHO SAY THEY "LOVE OLDER WOMEN." AND SO, I DECIDED A MONTH OR SO AGO, TO TRY AN EXPERIMENT.  I FORMED A NEW SCREEN NAME,  "PRISON WIFE "  JUST TO SEE WHO WOULD RESPOND. BY THE WAY, MY HUSBAND APPROVED .   I FOUND IT INTERESTING TO SEE IF PEOPLE WOULD RESPOND.  RESPOND?  WELL, I GOT RESPONSES FROM ACROSS THE COUNTRY, AND LOCALLY.  EVERYONE WANTED TO MEET ME!   I WAS HAVING 10 TO 20 "IM's"  AT A TIME.  I COULD NOT HANDLE THEM ALL.  MEN WROTE ME E-MAILS. A LOT WERE MARRIED, LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH.  AND THAT SIMPLY PROVES THAT A WIFE WITH A HUSBAND IN PRISON IS A "SURE BET FOR ANYONE, AND EVERYONE."  "SHE' IS A "SAFE PERSON."  NO COMMITTMENT.  A TEMPORARY FIXTURE. AND SO, I STILL NEVER FOUND ANYONE TO HAVE COFFE WITH.  AND SO, I STILL SIT HERE, ALONE, PATIENTLY WAITING FOR JIMMY.  IN MY LIFE, I FOUND ONE MAN ON THE COMPUTER. HE WAS ONE IN MAYBE A BILLION, OR MORE.  THAT MAN  WAS JIMMY, MY HUSBAND. HE WAS TO ME, THE ONLY MAN WORTH MEETING ON THIS CRAZY OLD COMPUTER.  AND SO, ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER NITE. COMPLETED.  GOOD NITE.

2 comments:

p00kie2323 said...

it was awfully rainny here wish it was that pretty well he will be home soon i know it has to be  hard sometimes but we ar eall here for u

sugar1337 said...

Ya it does seem most guys online only want one thing...and that isn't coffee.