Friday, August 6, 2004

"HAPPY!"

Hi everyone!

 I'm happy,  and I hope you are too!  Life is really a wonderful place to exist, when you feel happy, and all things seem right...when things are balanced and in harmony...If all you prison wives, loved ones of prisoners, and families of prisoners, can just hold on....just wait...and as the hands of time turn, so will your life change....Life is always in the process of change, anyway.  Things never, ever remain the same...that is what life is all about...somehow things will change, and of course, we always hope for the better....

  For me, it was staying connected to Jimmy....24/7 for over 16 months...for me it was going to the post office almost everyday, sending him mail...not only letters , cards, but every week I would print stuff out on the computer he would like to read, and send it to him...I also have a sprint cell phone that takes pix...so I would take 10 or 20 pix a week...of the house, garden, pets, and me.  I'd print it out and send him the pix...so therefore, Jimmy knew everything going on in his household, every moment....When I bought something new for the house, I'd take a picture and send it to him.....If I can help any of you out there, with a loved one in prison, this journal will well be worth it....even just one person...then I will have fulfilled a mission , to help you, as well as me......I talked to so many women on the phone, who were lonely and desperate...there was really nothing I could say, but I hope just knowing you are not alone with your thoughts and feelings is a lot...So many have followed me in this journal for 6 months....you know my ups and downs...how my moods kept moving around....how I was desperste....alone....always crying...surrounded by a deep despair...and Jimmy always calling me....He would tell me to get up, go to the kitchen, get some fluid in me....feed the animals...he'd walk me there on the phone...and then I'd throw myself in bed again...for days, sick...and our so-called friends, and  a couple of family members, would tell me, "call 911 if you are sick."  I hate those people, but I release it to the wind, like a balloon that floats up to the clouds....I have a dog and 2 cats that i had to take care of...Everyone refused to help me...And I refused to leave for the hospital, and leave my pets at home to die alone...And so, the time passed...and I got better...but it took months.............and now, for around the last month, I feel wonderful.....the sickness, that overtook me, left....it's like the grim reaper left!..........And why do I still talk abot it, you may ask?....I don't know...I think I still purge it out of me....and maybe I can help you too, to understand this whole prison process, and what happens to those at home.....

  And now, once again, I love every day....the sun, the clouds, the blue skies..the flowers....I feel so wonderful to experience life...I'm back to being me again.....The "DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL,"  has passed, and I survived it!

  So today, I cooked all the foods Jimmy loves and misses....lasanga, steak with onions, potato salad, roasted chicken thighs , sandwiches of salami, cheese, olive loaf, rye bread....tomatoes....tuna salad...corn muffins, fruit salad...

I hope tomorrow will be a sunny day.....I will get up and proceed into the car, and drive there, listening and singing to music...going to my loved one....I will pretend my eyesight is perfect, and that nothing is amiss!...and all will be in perfect balance and harmony....and I will glide there, gently and softly....

I'll walk Prince now, and then go to bed early.

And by the way, did I tell you today ,how much I love my husband, Jimmy? I know you've heard it millions of times from me!............Sorry, you'll have to hear it this one more time....."I LOVE AND AM IN LOVE WITH JIMMY!'

................................................................FRAN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 comment:

adlessor said...

Hi Fran,     Your entry today made me smile.   I'm glad things are finally
getting better for you and Jimmy.  Have a wonderful day together, but please drive carefull.   Hugs to you both.      Dawn