Saturday, July 24, 2004

Harmony....Serenity.....Peace and Balance...

Hi everyone!  Sorry I haven't been writing much lately, but suddenly in the past few weeks, my life has changed....for the better, that is!  Now that Jimmy is in Talbot Center, everything has an "airy", uplifted feeling to it!.........There has been a purging out of all the negativities that had accumulated while in the prison.....When I look back on it, in retrospect, I see a lot of "darkness."....I don't even want to go there in my thoughts.  It is a very "black" arera in my life and thoughts.  However, I want to still be connected and understanding, because I personally know how people suffer through the prison process.  As most of you know, I srarted writing this journal on 12/31/03....New Year's Eve...in this cold, empty house....alone and probably at one of my lowest points....Jimmy talked to me on the phone and suggested I start writing a journal.  And there I sat, typing away....letting you into my life and thoughts.  Talking to all of you was actually my life-saver....I could not have done it alone.  I know it really should have been the other way around, but Jimmy was the one who talked me out of "my thoughts"....everyday while he was in prison.........Depression?..That is actually a very light word, for the place I was in....He encouraged me to keep writing the journal.  And so I did.  And it helped not only me, but many people that read it.  Jimmy always told me, the worst part of going to prison was leaving me behind.  I was in a new state, 2500 miles away from where I had lived for 10 years....no family or friends....alone and without eyesight.........3 animals to feed...snow and rain, that I was not used to since I lived in the desert...a house to take care of, 2 cars to take care of, and a big dog to walk..How did I do it? I just don't know. Jimmy just didn't know how I would make it here, alone in this house..........but I did! We thought he'd be in prison for 5 months....and that turned into 16 months, as of today.

...And so, now things have changed!  I am having a difficult time finding the right words to write in this journal, at this time....and I'm not sure why..............I am very up-lifted....joyful....purged out of all the negativities...............I've even lost 20 lbs in the past 24 days.........yes, you read it right, 20 lbs...........a total of 80 lbs since Jimmy left home............Ifeel great, physically and mentally..........I feel all the ugly, negative energies have been released from my body........You see, it is a stigma for a person like me to have a person in prison..........Even the word, "PRISON," makes you think of something ugly, black, and evil.................You see, the word "PRISON" was never part of my vocabulary....I knew nothing about the prison system.  When I first met Jimmy, and he said, "i'm a bailbondsman,"  I asked him, what's that?.........................Well I could go on and on here.......but I'd prefer to know be positive and happy at the moment, looking to the future.

I'm sorry if my thoughts are a little dis-jointed at the present time.....I am very happy and relaxed...........Now that Jimmy is in Talbot, it is like a major pressure has been released from my shoulders..........I'm more in love with my husband than ever.............and I'm so glad that life moves on.....................................

I'll write to you later about my wonderful visit with Jimmy.

4 comments:

janothy said...

hello~

I am so glad you have gotten out of that dark place you've been in.  I have had bouts with depression also.  It's not a fun state to be in.

I look forward to hearing about your visit with Jimmy!  I bet it was wonderful!!  What did he think of the lighter you??  I bet he was struck speechless!!

I'm so happy for you.

Jan

adlessor said...

Hi Fran,     I was beginning to worry about you.  Glad to see that you are well and happy.    Try not to think of the past 16 months.  They are over and you both have survived.  Looking forward to hearing about your visit.  Love to you both.            Dawn

ellencj said...

I came across your journal tonight and I just want to say it's been very uplifitng to me, I admire your strength and commend your courage, hope you will  someday soon share nights at the Jersey shore cuddling on the beach.I have been in dark places as well in my life and love has brought me through as well.Writing can be a great vent.....All my best wishes to you and your Jimmy.
...............If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.......
.................................Ellen

grettysk said...

HI FRAN!!!

So glad you are happy...it's so good to know and see through your writings. :)

SOooooooooooo.....you leave us with that CLENCHER, huh????  That is to make us come back to hear the story!!!!  See how you are????  hee hee...I will be back....

Gretchen xoxoxo