'Lazy Day"

IT'S BEEN A LAZY, HAZY DAY TODAY....THE KIND MY HUSBAND LIKES.....RAINY, MISTY, DAMP,GREY,  AND NOW, I SEE THE FOG SETTING IN, AS NIGHT TIME COMES...

JIMMY WOULD SAY, "LET'S STAY IN BED ALL DAY TODAY, CUDDLED UNDER THE BLANKETS, LISTENING TO THE RAIN DROPS FALL"................AND SO, I DID THAT TODAY.  STAY IN BED, THAT IS...ALONE, WITH THE 3 ANIMALS ALL AROUND ME.........I ALWAYS KEEP THE BLINDS WIDE OPEN, SO I CAN LOOK AT THE SKY, WHILE IN BED........I LOVE TO LAY IN BED, GAZE AT THE SKY AND TREES....AS WE HAVE A LARGE PICTURE WINDOW IN THE BEDROOM.

TRUTHFULLY, I JUST GOT UP AT 5PM.......I LIKE TO SLEEP IN THE DAY..........I DID IT ALL MY LIFE, SINCE I PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS WORKED THE NIGHT SHIFT WHILE WORKING AS A NURSE.  IT WAS EITHER 12 MIDNIGHT TO 8 AM, OR 7PM TO 7AM.  SO, FOR ME IT WAS ALWAYS NORMAL, SINCE THE AGE OF 20, WHEN I FIRST STARTED WORKING AS AN RN....I FOUND IT MORE SUITABLE TO MY CIRCADIAN RYTHMS.  I FEEL "SICK" AND OUT OF SORTS WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING.....I MEAN, I WILL GET UP, AND TAKE THE NEWSPAPER IN, FEED THE CATS, OPEN THE BLINDS, AND MAYBE WATCH SOME MORNING SHOWS ON TV, BUT BASICALLY I AM NOT CONSTRUCTIVE TILL THE LATE AFTERNOON , AND EVENING.

JIMMY IS THE OPPOSITE.....UP AT 6 AM, HE IS DOING THINGS FROM THE MORNING...HE WAS ALWAYS BUSY IN THE HOUSEHOLD, AND I WOULD HEAR HIM IN THE BACKGROUND....IT NEVER BOTHERED ME, BUT I FOUND IT SOOTHING, TO HEAR HIM DOING THINGS........TV ON., BACON AND EGGS BEING MADE....HE WOULD GO OUT FOOD SHOPPING AT 7AM, WHEN THE STORE OPENED.  HE WAS BACK BY 8 AM, BRINGING ME BREAKFAST.  HE WOULD BE DOING THE HOUSEWORK, AND STARTING TO COOK DINNER, AS I WOULD CRAWL BACK IN TO BED, UNDER THE WARM COVERS.  JIMMY TRIED TO CHANGE ME....TO MAKE ME GET UP EARLY.  BUT HE JUST NEVER COULD.  I TRIED TO CHANGE MY WAYS, AND I'LL TRY HARDER, TO GET IN SYNCH WITH HIM, WHEN HE COMES HOME.  FINALLY, JIMMY DID REALIZE THAT MY CIRCADIAN BODY RYTHMS WERE DIFFERENT THAN HIS, AND IT WAS BECAUSE I WORKED THE NIGHT SHIFT MY WHOLE LIFE.  HE REALIZED THAT I CAN GET UP IN THE AFTERNOON AND DO MORE WORK AND GET MORE ACCOMPLISHED LATER IN THE DAY, THAN MOST PEOPLE THAT GET UP AT THE CRACK OF DAWN.....

IT WAS 2001, IN LAS VEGAS, IN OUR 2-STORY TOWN-HOUSE.  I WAS SLEEPING IN THE BEDROOM,UPSTAIRS.   JIMMY WAS WORKIMG ON THE COMPUTER, IN THE "COMPUTER ROOM," NEXT DOOR.  HE CALLED ME, "FRAN, COME HERE, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING." (HE DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS STILL SLEEPING)......I GOT OUT OF BED, AND WALKED TO HIM, HAIR TOSSLED, SLEEPY-EYED.....HE PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME, AND PULLED ME TO HIM.  "YOU ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU FIRST GET UP.  YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE SLEEPY- EYED PEOPLE, AND IT TAKES YOU AT LEAST 20 MINUTES TO FULLY WAKE UP."   HE WAS RIGHT!  THAT'S HOW I AM.....

JIMMY ALWAYS LOVED TO TAKE PIX OF ME SLEEPING.  HE HAS LOTS OF THOSE....EVEN ON THE PLANE, FLYING BACK FROM JERSEY, TO LAS VEGAS, FIRST CLASS.  HE HAS ALL THOSE PIX IN PRISON WITH HIM.  HE EITHER HANGS THEM ON HIS BED, OR HIS LOCKER.....WHEN AT BAYSIDE PRISON, THE FIRST TIME AROUND, HE HAD MADE AROUND 6 PHOTO ALBUMS OF ME, THE PETS AND OUR HOUSEHOLD....EVEN THE OTHER INMATES SAY, 'GEE YOU LIKE TO PHOTOGRAPH YOUR WIFE WHEN SHE'S SLEEPING!"

LAST NIGHT, I STARTED READING ONE OF THE BOOKS I BOUGHT JIMMY, BUT WHICH WERE SHIPPED BACK HERE.  IT IS "THE DA VINCI CODE DECODED,' by MARTIN LUNN.  IT IS A NON-FICTION BOOK, WITH ACTUAL FACTS.  YOU SEE, MOST PEOPLE THINK THAT THE STORY, 'THE DA VINCI CODE,' IS A NEW CONCEPT.  IT IS NOT.  I HAVE BELEIVED AND READ ABOUT THIS FOR MANY YEARS, GOING BACK TO THE LATE 70'S AND 80'S...EVERYONE TODAY, IS EXCITED TO HEAR ABOUT THIS, BUT I AM NOT...I WAS AWARE OF IT, WAY BACK THEN. 

AND SO, I ENJOYED READING ABOUT THE ACTUAL LIFE OF LEONARDO DA VINCI.........I AM A NON-FICTION READER......I LIKE THE ACTUAL FACTS, OR HISTORY....I GET EXCITED ABOUT THE FACTUAL HISTORY, ETC......TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND HOW IT WAS IN THAT DAY AND ERA....TO BE TRANSPORTED  BACK TO ANOTHER DAY AND AGE..........AND SO, I READ ABOUT THE MONA LISA, WHICH I AM ONE OF THE FORTUNATE ONES, WHO ACTUALLY SAW IT IN "THE LOUVRE" MUSEUM, IN PARIS, IN THE 1980'S ON ONE OF MY SEVERAL TRIPS TO PARIS.......

I READ ABOUT JESUS, MARY MAGDELLAN, AND THE LIFE AS IT WAS THEN....

I READ ABOUT "OPUS DEI," WHICH IS IN EXISTENCE TODAY.

THE MATERIAL IS CONTROVERSY, AND SO, I WOULD NOT LIKE TO GET INTO IT...RELIGION, THAT IS.

HOWEVER, AS I SAID, THIS IS THE TYPE OF STUFF I'VE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED IN, AND HAVE ALWAYS READ ABOUT........JIMMY SAYS I AM ALWAYS AHEAD OF THE TREND........AND NOW, THE TREND IS  THE BOOK, "THE DA VINCI CODE."  WHEN YOUNGER, I ENJOYED FICTIONAL STORIES....I READ ABOUT EVERY ROMANCE NOVEL THERE IS AND MYSTERY AND SUSPENCE.....HOWEVER, IN THE PAST 20 YEARS OR SO, I ENJOY NON-FICTION, AND MY LIBRARY OF BOOKS AT HOME, LEAN TOWARDS SUBJECTS THAT ARE UNUSUAL.....................AND SO, LIKE I SAID, I ENJOYED READING ABOUT THIS UNUSUAL MAN, LEONARDO DA VINCI, A GENIUS IN ART, SCULPTURE........HE LEARNED ANATOMY OF THE HUMAN BODY BY DISECTING HUMAN CORPSES, SO HE COULD DRAW OR SCULPT THEM....IT TOOK HIM SOMETIMES 4 OR 5 YEARS TO DO A PAINTING.......HE WAS AN EXTREMELY FASCINATING AND UNUSUAL MAN.......HE WAS A GENIUS, JUST LIKE EINSTEIN......AND I AM FASCINATED TO LOOK INTO A PERSON'S MIND, AND SEE WHAT MAKE PEOPLE TICK.......

YOU MAY ASK, "HOW DO YOU READ SO MUCH FRAN, BEING DIAGNOSED AS LEGALLY BLIND?"..........I ASK MYSELF THE SAME THING, AND I AMAZE THE EYE DOCTOR, AND EVERYONE AROUND ME.  I ASK THE EYE DOCTOR. EVERYTIME I SEE HIM , WHICH IS EVERY 6 MONTHS, IF IT IS OK FOR ME TO KEEP READING.  TIME AND TIME AGAIN, HIS ANSWER IS ALWAYS THE SAME.... HE SAYS "YES," AND THAT IT IS ACTUALLY STRENGTHENING MY LEFT EYE, WHICH HAS THE BETTER EYESIGHT......THE ONE EYE I AM READING WITH HAS ACTUALLY GOT 10 POINTS BETTER FROM A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.......HOWEVER, THE EYE DOCTOR ALWAYS TELLS ME, I AM WORKING EXTRA HARD TO READ, AND SEE...DOUBLY HARD AS A NORMAL PERSON WITH NORMAL EYESIGHT.  THAT MY EYES GET TIRED SO MUCH MORE QUICKLY...AND THE TRUTH IS, I DON'T SEE EVERY WORD EITHER, AND CAN'T SCAN AS I ONCE DID, VERY FAST...I SEEM TO MISS OUT ON THINGS.......THAT'S WHY I TEND TO MAKE A LOT OF SPELLING MISTAKES, HERE, IN THIS JOURNAL....NO MATTER HOW I TRY TO CORRECT THEM , I JUST SEEM TO "MISS" SOME LETTERS......

I TELL YOU ALL THIS, BECAUSE ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IN LIFE, IF YOU SO WISH IT......IF YOU BELIEVE IT, IT WILL BE MANIFESTED. 

I KNOW THAT I SEEM TO MANY, TO BE A WOMAN, SITTING HERE WAITING FOR JIMMY,  BUT ALONG WITH THAT, I AM AN INDEPTH PERSON, WHO IS VERY INTERESTED IN THE WORLD, HISTORY,ART, EDUCATION, SCIENCE, AND METAPHYSICS, AMONGST OTHER THINGS............THROUGH YOUR READING, AND ACQUIRING OF KNOWLEDGE, YOU CAN BE MORE CONNECTED TO THE MAN YOU LOVE, WHILE HE SITS IN PRISON.  YOUR MINDS CAN "CONNECT," AS JIMMY AND MINE DO...........YOU WILL BEGIN TO REALIZE THAT THE PASSAGE OF TIME, IS ALMOST A MANIFESTATION OF HOW WE PERCEIVE THINGS IN OUR MINDS......YESTERDAY CAN BE TODAY, TODAY CAN BE TOMORROW,,,IT IS ALL HOW WE PERCEIVE IT.......WITH THE PASSAGE OF JIMMY'S PRISON TERM, THIS UNDERSTANDING OF TIME, MAKES MORE AND MORE SENSE TO US......WE ARE MORE AWARE OF IT...WE HAVE MORE OF AN IN-DEPTH FEELING OF THE PASSAGE OF TIME, AND WHAT IT MEANS.  TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, THEY BUILD THEIR LIFE ON WEEK-DAYS, MONTHS, HOLIDAYS, ETC...THEY BUILD THEIR LIVES AROUND A CLOCK...BUT FOR JIMMY AND U, WE HAVE LEARND OTHER-WISE THROUGH OUR EXPERIENCE...TIME IS NOT REALLY EXISTENT........THE REALITY OF TIME, DOES NOT EXIST...ONLY OUR LOVE AND CONNECTION EXISTS, WHICH IS INFINITE......ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE.......YOU MUST GO THROUGH THIS , TO ACTUALLY EXPERIENCE IT...AND YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO UNDERSTAND IT, BECAUSE IT IS THE GREATEST GIFT TO BE BESTOWED UPON YOU, ONCE YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN IT....THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE PASSAGE OF TIME, THAT IS...THEN, YOU WILL REALIZE THE ONLY CONNECTION YOU ACTUALLY HAVE IS WITH GOD, THE UNIVERSE, AND THE PERSON YOU LOVE AND ARE METAPHYSICALLY CONNECTED TO.  THOSE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN OUR WORLD...NOT THE CLOCK, OR THE CALENDER, OR WHATEVER MATERIAL THINGS YOU LIVE FOR.

WELL, THE PHONE STILL HAS NOT RUNG...JIMMY HASN'T GOTTEN HIS PIN YET........

AND SO, I WILL SHARE WITH YOU A POEM I WROTE , AND GOT PUBLISHED IN A BOOK OF POEMS, IN 2003, THE YEAR JIMMY WAS INCARCERATD....IT WAS ONE OF THOSE TIMES THAT WE COULD NOT SPEAK ON THE PHONE, AND I WAITED FOR HIS CALL.

 

                                "THE SILENT RING"

                 THE SILENCE OF THE PHONE,

                 THE RING THAT NO LONGER RINGS.

                 MY LOVE, I THINK OF YOU.

                 I SEE YOU IN MY THOUGHTS,

                 I HEAR YOU WHISPER WORDS OF LOVE.

                THE SILENCE OF THE RING IS SO LOUD.

                IT IS THE ENDLESS WAIT.

                                                BY FRANCES R.

                                                 (COPY-RIGHTED 2003, AND

                                                 PUBLISHED IN "THE COLORS

                                                 OF LIFE")

31 more days till parole

WELL, THE DAYS ARE QUICKLY COUNTING DOWN!....31 MORE DAYS....IT WILL BE 5 WEEKS, THIS COMING MONDAY......WE ARE OUT OF JANUARY, INTO FEBRUARY, NOW....6 WEEKS UNTIL SPRING, AND TODAY WAS "GROUND-HOG DAY."   GEE, IT SEMMS LIKE I'M BECOMING LIKE THOSE GUYS IN PRISON...THEY COUNT AND CALCULATE EVERY MINUTE AND MOMENT OF EVERY DAY......

I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM JIMMY YET, AND I KNOW IT IS STILL TOO SOON. 

I DID GET THE 3 BOOKS I ORDERED BACK IN THE MAIL, TODAY....MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND SENT THEM HERE TO ME.  HE SAID HE WILL READ ME "MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA"  WHEN HE COMES HOME....HE LIKES TO DO THAT...READ A CHAPTER OR TWO A NIGHT, OUTLOUD, AS I LAY IN BED....THEN, SOMETIMES I DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP.  WHAT A HUSBAND I HAVE!  THE LAST BOOK HE READ ME WAS "THE LITTLE PRINCESS," DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON 2002.  IT WAS A BOOK I READ AS A CHILD, AND JUST LOVE....JIMMY REALLY LIKED THE STORY ,TOO, AS WE ARE BOTH LITTLE KIDS AT HEART!

TODAY I WAS KEPT QUITE BUSY, AS I DID SOME PAPER-WORK FOR MY HUSBAND....I WENT TO THE LIBRARY AND MADE AROUND 70  COPIES, AND TOMORROW I'LL GO MAIL IT AT THE POST OFFICE, REGISTERED MAIL....HIS LAST CONVERSATION TO ME, WAS THAT I SHOULD GET THAT ALL INTO THE MAIL BY FRIDAY.  WELL, HE WILL BE PROUD OF ME, BECAUSE I MET HIS DEAD-LINE...I KEPT PUTTING IT OFF FOR THE PAST 2 WEEKS.

I AM ALSO WORKING ON A STORY I'LL SUBMIT TO A MAGAZINE.  I ALREADY HAVE OVER 5000 WORDS WRITTEN, AND WILL PROBABLY WRITE ANOTHER 1000 TO 2000 WORDS.  I'VE BEEN SITTING UP ALL NIGHT WRITING IT, AS THAT'S WHEN I FEEL INSPIRED...AND GOING TO BED AT 6 AM....FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF NIGHTS.......THE STORY IS ALL UP THERE, IN MY HEAD....IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TYPING IT OUT, AND PROOF-READING IT, WHICH I DO OVER AND OVER AGAIN...AS YOU CAN SEE HERE, I MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES, DUE TO MY POOR EYESIGHT, I KEEP HITTING THE WRONG KEYS....OH WELL!

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A PLEASANT EVENING!...........FRAN

JIMMY WAS TRANSFERRED BACK TO BAYSIDE STATE PRISON, EARLY THIS A.M.!

THE PHONE RANG AT 7 AM THIS MORNING.  IT WAS JIMMY.  "FRAN," HE SAID EXCITEDLY, "THEY ARE TRANSFERRING ME, RIGHT NOW, TO BAYSIDE STATE PRISON."  HE GOT SPECIAL PERMISSION TO MAKE A QUICK CALL TO ME.  HE SAID IT WILL NOT AFFECT HIS COMING HOME ON PAROLE, MARCH 6TH.

JIMMY IS HAPPY IN ONE WAY, TO GO TO BAYSIDE.  ONCE THERE, HE WILL HOPEFULLY HAVE MORE FREEDOM TO WALK AROUND, AND LAST TIME HE WAS THERE, HE WAS ON "THE FARM."....UNLOCKED DOORS, SO THE INMATES CAN GO OUTSIDE AND WALK AROUND....NO BARBED WIRE FENCES.  ACCESS TO THE LIBRARY.  ALL THE MEN HAVE SOME SORT OF JOB.  LAST TIME, JIMMY TAUGHT THE GED TO INMATES  (HIGH SCHOOL EQUIVALENCY CLASSES).  I WENT TO VISIT HIM THERE, A FEW TIMES THAT SUMMER....VISITS WERE OUTSIDE, UNDER THE TREES, SITTING ACROSS FROM EACH OTHER....THERE ARE CORNFIELDS, AND SILOS, AND BARNS....IT IS VERY PRETTY AND PICTURESQUE.  I EVEN WENT TO FAMILY DAY, THAT SUMMER....IT IS 1  1/2 HOURS FROM OUR HOME.

BUT NOW, THE PROBLEM IS, WHEN THE INMATE IS TRANSFERRED, WE LOSE CONTACT BY PHONE.  I HAVE TO SIT AND WAIT, UNTIL JIMMY CAN GET HIS PIN NUMBER, SO HE CAN CALL ME COLLECT.  SO, I JUST WAIT...AND WAIT.  HE SAID, IF BY MONDAY, I DON'T HEAR FROM HIM, I SHOULD START CALLING TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED ABOUT HIS PIN............MONDAY?!   THAT'S A LONG TIME FOR ME NOT TO SPEAK TO JIMMY.  IT IS ONLY WEDNESDAY, NOW....ANOTHER 6 DAYS!

YESTERDAY WAS  VERY GOOD DAY, FOR ME.  EVERYTHING WENT VERY ORDERLY, AND ON TIME....I TOOK CARE OF ALL THE HOUSEHOLD BUSINESS, AND PHONE CALLS THAT I NEEDED TO MAKE....I FELT THAT MY LIFE WAS IN SOME SORT OF BALANCE AND HARMONY.  I EVEN CALLED VERIZON , AND PAID THE $700.00 (For 1 month, only, one month, since jimmy went to craf), SO I COULD BE SURE THAT I WOULD HAVE NO INTERRUPTIONS IN TALKING WITH JIMMY. 

BUT NOW, TODAY, LESS THAN 24 HOURS LATER, AND IT SEEMS AS IF MY WORLD HAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN AGAIN.........WHEN I LOSE CONTACT WITH JIMMY, THE HOUSE GETS COLD AND QUIET.......I FEEL REALLY UPSET INSIDE OF ME.......THERE IS NOTHING THAT ANYONE CAN SAY OR DO FOR ME......I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.  THROUGH THIS ORDEAL, I HAVE COME TO REALIZE THAT OUR PRISON SYSTEM ALMOST SEEMS TO LIKE DISRUPTION IN ONE'S LIFE......THEY TRY AS HARD AS THEY CAN TO CAUSE YOUR LIFE TO BE TOPSY-TURVEY.  I AM A WOMAN WHO IS USED TO PEACE AND HARMONY WITHIN MY HOME AND FAMILY...WORKING AS A NURSE, I BELIEVED IN PEACE AND BALANCE, BECAUSE WITHOUT IT, THE PATIENT WOULD NEVER HEAL..................AND SO, HERE I AM,......STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS.

EVEN THE BOOKS I SENT JIMMY...WELL, THE PRISON REFUSED THEM, SO JIMMY SENT THEM BACK TO ME......I HAD ORDERED THEM ON-LINE THROUGH BARNES AND NOBLE, AND IT COST ME $27.00.  WELL, I TRIED.

AND SO, ONCE AGAIN I WILL TRY TO KEEP MYSELF FOCUSED, MY HOME IN BALANCE, AND TRY TO KEEP PEACE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE........I AM NOT GOING TO LET THE PRISON SYSTEM UPSET ME , JUST BECAUSE THEY LIKE TO KEEP SHUFFLING PRISONERS AROUND.....WELL, AT LEAST JIMMY IS HAPPY, BECAUSE HE IS IN TRANSIT TODAY....IT USUALLY TAKES ALL DAY TO TRAVEL AROUND, LEAVING MEN AT DIFFERENT PRISONS....I SUPPOSE HE IS HAND-CUFFED, OR MAYBE SHACKLED AT THIS TIME....JIMMY IS THE TYPE OF MAN THAT LIKES MOVEMENT...PROGRESS........FOR HIM TO BE IN THAT 8X9 FT.CELL WAS TOO MUCH, ALTHOUGH HE REFUSED TO ADMIT IT, EVEN TO ME.

NOW, I WILL PUT ALL OF THIS INTO THE HANDS OF GOD....

.........FRAN

 

P.S....IF THERE ARE ANY PRISONER'S WIVES OUT THERE READING THIS, WHO ARE INTERESTED IN COMMUNICATING WITH A JOURNALIST WHO IS WRITING A MAGAZINE STORY ABOUT PRISONER'S WIVES, PLEASE E-MAIL ME, ASAP, AND I WILL GIVE YOU THE INFO.  I SPOKE WITH HER YESTERDAY, AND SHE IS READING THIS JOURNAL.  SHE IS INTERESTED IN DIFFERENT POINTS OF VIEW.  SO, EVEN IF YOU ARE HAVING A VERY DIFFICULT TIME WITH YOUR HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND'S INCARCERATION, CONTACT HER.

MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IS:       CRYSTALMOON222@aol.com

SOME THOUGHTS

WE ARE BOTH VERY HAPPY, BECAUSE THE CELL PHONE THAT WAS CONFISCATED BY KINTOCK, ON THE DECEMBER 2005 NIGHT, THAT UNRIGHTOUSLY SENT JIMMY BACK TO PRISON., IS NOW AT 'SOUTHWOODS STATE PRISON," IN THE MAILROOM.  THAT CELL PHONE WAS NOT AN ORDINARY PHONE....IT WAS AN $850.00 CELL PHONE, THAT BELONGED TO THE IGA FOODSTORE IN ATLANTIC CITY, WHERE JIMMY WAS WORKING AS STORE MANAGER....SO, WE ARE HAPPY THAT KINTOCK ONCE AGAIN DID THE RIGHT THING!....(i was originally told by Kintock, that the cell phone was donated to the abused women's shelter).  SO I CALLED SOUTHWOODS TODAY AND SPOKE WITH INVESTIGATOR....AND NOW WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF OBTAINING THE PHONE.

WELL, LIFE GOES On!....WE ARE STILL COUNTING THE DAYS...KEEPING BUSY....HOPING THIS WHOLE ORDEAL WILL SOON BE OVER, SO LIFE CAN GO ON FOR US........IT IS TERRIBLE LIVING A LIFE THAT ISS ACTUALLY, "ON-HOLD," WHILE THE REST OF THE WORLD PROGRESSES AHEAD......ONE YEAR GOING THROUGH THIS IS BAD, TWO IS TERRIBLE, AND BY 3 YEARS IT IS A NIGHT-MARE.......I DON'T KNOW HOW WOMEN MAKE IT THROUGH 10 OR MORE YEARS........i believe AT SOME POINT, A WOMAN WILL SUBSTITUTE SOMETHING ELSE IN HER LIFE, FOR HER LIFE  TO BE NORMAL.....AS FOR ME, AT MY AGE, I WAIT FOR MY HUSBAND...AND I KEEP BUSY WHILE I DO IT...

WELL, HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GOOD NITE............FRAN

35 MORE DAYS, TIL PAROLE...

IT'S NOW 35 DAYS UNTIL JIMMY COMES HOME ON PAROLE.  AS OF TOMORROW, MONDAY, IT WILL BE 5 WEEKS....YES, 5 SIMPLE WEEKS.....JIMMY IS AS HAPPY AS CAN BE WHEN I TALK TO HIM....AS FOR MYSELF, I'M VERY HAPPY, TOO, BUT I HAVE LEARNED FOR THE THREE YEARS THAT MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN IN THE PRISON SYSTEM, TO NEVER BE THAT HAPPY THAT YOU LET GO OF YOUR EMOTIONS...WHAT I'M SAYING IS, THAT THIS EXPERIENCE HAS TAUGHT ME TO BE "GUARDED,"....MORE THAN EVER I "GUARD" MY FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS....I NEVER WANT TO LET GO OF MYSELF TOO MUCH, BECAUSE IF I AM DISAPPOINTED, ONCE AGAIN, I DON'T WANT TO LET IT AFFECT ME IN A BAD WAY............

AND SO., I AM QUIET THESE DAYS, JUST LETTING LIFE "UNFOLD."  I DO THE NORMAL THINGS IN LIFE, ACTUALLY LEADING A VERY BORING, MUNDANE EXISTENCE........I EVEN "BORE " MYSELF, IF THAT IS POSSIBLE!.......ONLY MY HUSBAND KEEPS TELLING ME, I AM THE MOST EXCITING AND INTERESTING WOMAN HE EVER MET.................I DO THE HOUSEWORK, TAKE CARE OF THE ANIMALS, COOK, WASH THE DISHES, WASH THE CLOTHES.....EVERYTHING DONE SIMPLY....NO FUSS, NO MUSS.........WONDERING, BUT TRYING NOT TO THINK OF WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS......

OF COURSE, AS YOU ALL KNOW, I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY HUSBAND TO COME HOME,AND HOLD AND TOUCH ME.......BUT SOMETIMES I JUST HAVE TO TRY TO FORGET ABOUT IT, AND TRY TO GET THROUGH EACH BORING DAY. ALONE.........SOMETIMES IT IS SIMPLY 'EXHAUSTING, ' TO KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE WONDERFUL MAN I MARRIED, AND HOW MUCH I CRAVE HIM, AND AM IN LOVE WITH HIM..........SO SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, LIKE TODAY, I STOP 'THINKING, " AND JUST  "EXIST."...........IT IS MUCH EASIER THAT WAY, AND LESS PAINFUL............

TO BE A PRISONER'S WIFE IS A VERY STRANGE EXISTENCE....WE LIVE IN OUR OWN PLACE OF TIME AND SPACE.............AS FOR MYSELF, YOU COULD ALMOST SAY THAT WITHIN THESE 3 YEARS , I HAVE PRETTY MUCH BECOME A RECLUSE.........THE ONLY THING I LIKE TO DO , IS WRITE.........I DON'T LIKE GOING OUT ANYMORE, AS I ONCE WAS VERY ACTIVE.....I ENJOY DOING WHAT I DO EVERYDAY..AND THAT IS, ALMOST NOTHING...I EXIST IN MY OWN LITTLE BUBBLE........TAKING CARE OF MYSELF, THE PETS, THE HOUSE......DOING THINGS LIKE WATCHING TV, READING, SINGING, AND WRITING...........JIMMY SAYS I AM THE ONE PERSON HE EVER MET WHO IS METICULOUS ABOUT KEEPING RECORDS, AND GETTING THINGS DONE ON TIME....SO, HE'S RIGHT.......I HAVE MANY, MANY NOTEBOOKS THAT I WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN IN...FINANCES, DATES...WHATEVER, YOU NAME IT!  I KEEP TRACK OF IT, WRITTEN DOWN..I MUST HAVE AROUND 20 MOTEBOOKS I HAVE WRITTEN THINGS DOWN IN DURING THESE 3 YEARS OF JIMMY BEING AWAY.......I AM A PERSON WHO MAKES LISTS AND LISTS....JIMMY SAYS THAT TURNS HIM ON!......WHEN I FIRST MET JIMMY I STOPPED WRITING LISTS, AND I THINK IT'S BECAUSE HE HANDLED EVERYTHING, AND I WAS VERY RELAXED.......

WELL, I THINK I'LL GO CHECK OUT WHAT MOVIES ARE ON  "ON -DEMAND," THEN GO TO SLEEP....TOMORROW I HAVE TO VENTURE OUT TO THE FOODSTORE, NOT EXACTLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO!...........FRAN

JIMMY JUST CALLED

JIMMY JUST CALLED...JUST ONE MORE TIME TODAY.  I WAS A LITTLE SURPRISED, AS HE NEVER CALLS THIS LATE (8:10). ....HOWEVER, HE SAID HE HAD TO CALL ME, BECAUSE HE FELT MY PRESENCE ALL OVER HIM...HE SAID HE JUST YEARNED SO MUCH TO HOLD ME AND KISS ME....WHEN HE CALLED ME, I MYSELF, WAS SITTING HERE, YEARNING FOR HIM....I WAS SAYING OUT LOUD TO MYSELF, "I WISH JIMMY WERE HERE.  ALL I WANT TO DO IS KISS HIM, AND BE IN HIS LOVING ARMS."...........AND THEN, AMAZINGLY, HE CALLED, WITH THE SAME FEELINGS......

IT IS SO HARD TO EXPLAIN TO ANYONE NOT GOING THROUGH THIS.........TO BE SEPERATED FROM THE ONE PERSON YOU LOVE.........YOU CRAVE THAT PERSON...AND NO OTHER PERSON CAN FULFILL YOU...BECAUSE NO OTHER PERSON EXISTS ON OUR PLANET, LIKE THE ONE YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH..........

IN THE 2 YEARS WE WERE TOGETHER, AS HUSBAND AND WIFE, BEFORE JIMMY WAS INCARCERATED, WE WERE NEVER SEPERATED....WE WERE TOGETHER 24/7........DURING THE FIRST YEAR OF OUR MARRIAGE, I WORKED AS AN RN IN A HOSPITAL, AND LEAVING TO GO TO WORK, BECAME MORE  AND MORE DIFFICULT....JIMMY WOKE ME UP IN THE EVENING TO GO TO WORK, HE MADE ME LUNCH, HE WALKED ME TO THE CAR....I CALLED HIM ON MY CELL WHEN I GOT TO WORK...WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE THROUGHOUT MY SHIFT........AND MANY TIMES, I WOULD LOOK UP, AND THERE WAS JIMMY WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY, COMING TO VISIT ME, CARRYING PIZZAS, AND ALL SORTS OF FOOD FOR THE STAFF!....AND IN THE MORNING WHEN I ARRIVED HOME, IT CONTINUED....HE HAD BREAKFAST MADE FOR ME...HE SAT ME DOWN, AND SERVED ME, AND WE TALKED...THEN WE WENT UPSTAIRS TOGETHER, TO BED.........AND HE SLEPT WITH ME, OR SAT WITH ME THROUGHOUT THE DAY, AS I HAD TO RETURN TO WORK THAT NIGHT, AGAIN....HE COOKED FOR ME, HE SHOPPED.....HE TOOK CARE OF THE HOUSEHOLD, THE PETS......AND HE LOVED TO TAKE CARE OF ME....HE GAVE ME MANICURES, AND PEDICURES....HE BROUGHT ME TO THE BEAUTY PARLOR....HE BROUGHT ME SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES, AND JEWELRY.....HE EVEN HELPED ME GET DRESSED FOR WORK.......

......WE GOT TO THE POINT THAT NEITHER OF US COULD STAND BEING APART......AFTER 1 YEAR OF MARRIAGE, I RETIRED FROM NURSING, AND WAS ABLE TO STAY HOME FULL TIME, WITH JIMMY........WELL, GUESS WHAT!....WE STILL NEVER GOT TIRED OF EACH OTHER!........TALKING, LIVING, LAUGHING, AND YES, MAKING LOVE, AND MORE LOVE....(smile).......SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW HARD IT IS NOW, BEING APART FOR 3 YEARS...........I DON'T WISH THIS ON ANYONE..........FOR ME, IT IS THE MOST CRUEL THING TO BE SEPERATED FROM THE MAN I LOVE, AND AM PART OF.............

WELL. I COULD GO ON AND ON............

EARLIER TODAY, DURING OUR 5:30 pm CALL, JIMMY TOLD ME THAT THE PRISON WHERE HE IS STAYING, WILL NOT ACCEPT THE NEWSPAPER ARTICLES I HAVE BEEN SENDING HIM, NOR THE CROSS-WORD PUZZLES I HAD  CUT OUT OF A MAGAZINE.......THAT HAPPENS TO BE THE RULE THERE....I DIDN'T KNOW IT, BECAUSE AS WE ALL KNOW, THE PRISONS DO NOT INFORM THE WIFE/FAMILY OF THE RULES THAT NEED TO BE FOLLOWED.......IT WOULD BE MUCH EASIER, AND MORE ORGANIZED IF THEY MAILED OUT A LIST OF  RULES TO THE WIVES.....BUT WHO AM I TO SAY?.........ANYHOW, I AM NOW WAITING TO SEE IF THE 3 BOOKS I SENT HIM, WILL GO THROUGH......JIMMY AND I LAUGHED ON THE PHONE....I SAID, "IT DOESN'T MATTER FOR MOST, SINCE 99.9%  OF THOSE MEN YOU ARE WITH DON'T CARE ABOUT READING ANYTHING ANYHOW, NO LESS ARTICLES FROM THE NEWSPAPER.".......AND SO IT IS TRUE....MY MATH MIGHT BE A LITTLE OFF-BALANCE, BUT MY HUSBAND FALLS IN THE 1% THAT READS LOCAL, NATIONAL, AND GLOBAL NEWS, ON A ROUTINE BASIS.......YES, IT IS TORTURE FOR A MAN TO BE COMPLETELY CUT OFF FROM RHE OUTSIDE WORLD.....AND SO, I AM SO USED TO TELLING JIMMY EVERYTHING I CAN IN HOSE 15 MINUTE CALLS.......BESIDES PROFESSING OUR LOVE, I TRY TO KEEP HIM SOMEWHAT ABREAST OF NEWS IN OUR WORLD.........CURRENT EVENTS........

I WILL GO LAY IN BED NOW......THAT IS ALWAYS WHAT I DO WHEN I MISS JIMMY.......THAT IS THE ONE PLACE I FEEL HIS PRESENCE MOST.......YES, HE STILL HOLDS ME IN HIS ARMS, AS I LAY IN OUR BED....

NITE!.......FRAN

SOME GOOD NEWS!

HI EVERYONE!....I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS!.....JIMMY CALLED ME AT 11:30 am, AS HE USUALLY DOES EACH DAY, AND HE TOLD ME THAT HE CAN NOW BE OUT OF HIS CELL FOR 17 HOURS PER DAY.......NOW THAT HE HAS A JOB AS A "RUNNER, " HE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE LOCKED UP IN THAT SMALL CELL, 8X9 FT, ALL DAY, EVERYDAY.  HOWEVER, HE WAS MOVED INTO ANOTHER CELL, WHICH IS UPSTAIRS, WHERE THOSE THAT ARE LET OUT OF THEIR CELLS ARE LOCATED.  HE IS STILL IN THE SAME SIZE CELL, AND NOW HAS A NEW BUNK MATE.  THERE ARE 3 OTHER FELLOWS THAT ARE RUNNERS, ONE OF THEM BEING MIKE, HIS FORMER BUNK MATE....MY HUSBAND IS A VERY ACTIVE MAN, AND SO THIS IS THE BEST THING FOR HIM...TRUTHFULLY, I CAN'T IMAGINE MY HUSBAND BEING LOCKED UP IN A SMALL PLACE FOR TOO LONG,AS HE LOVES TO MOVE AROUND, WALK, AND DO THINGS....SO, NOW AS A RUNNER, HE PASSES FOOD TRAYS, MOPS THE FLOOE, AND GIVES OUT SUPPLIES TO THE OTHER INMATES. 

WHEN JIMMY CALLED ME, HE WAS WRITING A LETTER TO A FRIEND.  JIMMY SOUNDS VERY HAPPY, AS IS ALWAYS HIS NORMAL SELF......HE ALWAYS MAKES THE BEST OF EVERY SITUATION......HE IS ALWAYS JOKING, AND HE MAKES OTHERS SMILE AND LAUGH........

WE ARE STILL COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS TILL PAROLE.....I HAVE THE CALENDER HE MADE FOR ME HANGING UP IN THE BEDROOM......IT IS 38 DAYS TILL PAROLE...............I STILL SEND JIMMY  A CARD EVERYDAY...I FOUND SOME UNIQUE CARDS IN A STORE, WITH BEAUTIFUL PIX OF ANIMALS, AND NATURE.  I HAVE SENT HIM SO FAR, A CARD OF A TIGER'S FACE, A JAGUAR WALKUNG IN FRONT OF A BIG MOON, AND TODAY, A BEAUTIFUL CAMP-SITE AT NIGHT..........I ALSO CONTINUE TO SEND HIM LARGE MANILLA ENVELOPES FILLED WITH NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS OF THINGS THAT INTEREST HIM, AND COMPUTER PRINT-OUTS............WE BOTH ARE DOING AS MUCH POSSIBLE TO SIMPLY PASS THE TIME, AND NOT THINK ABOUT IT.

I ALSO SENT HIM 3 PAPERBACK BOOKS , THAT I ORDERED ON-LINE THROUGH, THROUGH BARNES AND NOBLE, SO HE SHOULD GET THEM IN A FEW DAYS....I'M SENDING HIM A LATIN GRAMMER BOOK, (WHICH HE REQUESTED), THE DAVINCI CODE DE-CODED, AND "MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA."........JIMMY JUST LOVES TO READ.......HE'S ABOUT THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW WHO HAS READ ALL OF JAMES MICHENER'S NOVELS......(THOSE BOOKS ARE OVER A 1000 PAGES LONG)........HE READ A FEW WHILE AT BAYSIDE PRISON....HE LIKES A STORY THAT IS FICTIONAL, AND YET HISTORICAL TOO...SO HE CAN LEARN FROM IT.

WELL, I'LL TAKE PRINCE FOR A WALK NOW, AS IT IS A BRIGHT SUNNY DAY!.................FRAN