SHOOTING STARS...COMETS. AND BURSTS OF ENERGY

DID YOU SEE THE SHOOTING STARS...AND COMETS FLYING BY LAST NIGHT?!...DID YOU FEEL THE EVER SO SLIGHT TILT OF THE EARTH ON IT'S AXIS?!......YES, JIMMY AND FRAN WERE TOGETHER LAST NIGHT, ONCE AGAIN, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 YEARS 4 MONTHS.  YES , JIMMY FINALLY HAD HIS FIRST FURLOUGH HOME YESTERDAY...HE ARRIVED HOME AT 5 PM, WEDNESDAY, AND LEFT AT AROUND 7 AM ON THURSDAY...IT TOOK HIM OVER 5 HOURS TO GET HOME, AND I BELIEVE 5 OR 7 HOURS TO GO BACK TO KINTOCK TODAY...

AS JIMMY'S TAXI PULLED UP TO THE FRONT DOOR YESTERDAY, I RAN OUTSIDE TO GREET HIM...WE HUGGED AND KISSED...ALL LIKE A DREAM....AND WALKED INSIDE HOLDING EACH OTHER....MY HUSBAND LOOKED SO GOOD...MORE HANDSOME THAN EVER...THINNER, MORE MUSCULAR...HIS FACE HAPPY AND GLOWING....PRINCE, OUR DOG WENT WILD WHEN HE SAW JIMMY....HE REMEMBERED HIS PAPPA RIGHT AWAY...MISTY AND JIMBO, THE CATS WERE ALL AROUND HIM...MISTY SLEPT ON DADDY'S TUMMY LAST NITE....PRINCE WAS RUNNING AND PRANCING AROUND THE HOUSE ALL NITE....PLAYING WITH JIMMY, AND AS HAPPY AS CAN BE..

JIMMY AND I HAD A LOT TO CATCH UP ON, AS YOU CAN WELL IMAGINE....AND I DON'T MEAN TALKING...SINCE WE TALK EVERYDAY, ANYHOW.....WHEN JIMMY WALKED INTO THE HOUSE, IT WAS AS IF AN ELECTRICAL CURRENT RAN THROUGH THE HOUSE...SUDDENLY THE HOUSE LIT UP. AND ALL WAS AGLOW AND HUMMING!....IT WAS AS IF ZORRO RODE IN, ON HIS HORSE.....IN A FLASH, THE HOUSEHOLD  LIT UP...DADDY WAS HOME, ONCE AGAIN!...

JIMMY PUT ON EVERY LIGHT IN THE HOUSE....THE TV...OPENED THE WINDOWS...LOOKED AT EVERYTHING....I HAD COOKED LOTS OF FOOD...SO WE ATE, AND MADE LOVE...AND ATE AND MADE LOVE....AND DID THAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN ALL NITE.....HE IS EVEN MORE WONDERFUL THAN THE DAY I MARRIED HIM.....JIMMY AND I ARE WONDERFUL COMPANIONS TOGETHER, AND WE NEVER, EVER TIRE OF EACH OTHER....HE TOLD ME I WAS EVEN MORE INTERESTING THAN THE DAY HE MET ME.....WE STAYED AT EACH OTHERS SIDE EVERY MOMENT (WELL, I LET HIM GO TO THE BATHROOM ALONE)....JIMMY IS A VERY CONSTRUCTIVE MAN...HE QUICKLY TOOK INVENTORY OF THE HOUSEHOLD, AND SAW WHAT HAD TO BE DONE....HE FIXED THIS COMPUTER....ORGANIZED THE COMPUTER ROOM....PUT LIGHTBULBS ON THE CEILING LIGHTS...FIXED S FEW ELECTICAL OUTLETS.....WASHED HIS SNEAKERS.....FIXED THE DIGITAL CABLE TV..WENT OVER PAPERWORK WITH ME.....AND SHAMPOOED THE LIVING ROOM CARPET...YES, HE SURE DID....HE HAS A LIST OFTHINGS FOR HIS NEXT VISIT HOME, SO HE CAN HELP HIS POOR WIFE TO GET THIS HOUSE IN SHAPE...ACTUALLY JIMMY COMPLIMENTED ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN....HE TOLD ME I HAD DONE A FINE JOB FIXING UP THE HOUSEHOLD, AND KEEPING IT TIDY...HE SAID OUR HOME HAD A "HOMEY" FEELING TO IT , WITH A WOMANLY TOUCJ TO IT...HE TOLD ME, THAT WHEN HE LEFT ON MARCH 28, 2003, I WAS A VERY FRAIL WOMAN, AND NOW I HAVE BECOME AMAZINGLY STRONGER....HE SAID I HAVE IMMENSE ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS, THAT ACTUALLY COME NATURAL TO ME....I AM ALWAYS ORGANIZING THINGS, KEEPING LISTS, AND KEEPING THINGS IN ORDER.....AND SO, WHILE HE FIXED THINGS, I COOKED...SAUSAGE AND PEPPERS WHEN HE GOT HOME....STEAK AND PASTA LATER IN THE EVENING....ICED TEA, ICED COFFEE.....SALAD...JELLO AND WHIPPED CREAM.....IN THE MORNING BACON AND EGGS AND HOT COFFEE...........IT WAS ALL VERY QUICK...VERY FAST....MY HUSBAND IS A VERY QUICK MAN....(except when making love).....JIMMY SLEPT 3 HOURS...I HARDLY SLEPT. BUT WOULD SIT BY HIM WATCHING HIM SLEEP......WE FEEL ASLEEP IN EACH OTHERS ARMS...AND LET ME TELL YOU, JIMMY IS A VERY STRONG MAN....I JUST LOVE IT!............

AND SO WE DID MORE THAN MOST WOULD DO IN A WEEK OR MORE.....AND NOW THE HOUSE HAS A DIFFERENT, HAPPY FEEL TO IT....NOW THAT JIMMY CAME HOME....MORNING CAME ALL TOO SOON..........PRINCE ACTUALLY STARTED CRYING AS DADDY WALKED OUT THE DOOR...HE GAVE HIS HIGH PITCHED WHINE.....TODAY, PRINCE AND I SLEPT ALL DAY...TIRED NUT HAPPY....AND MY POOR BABY RODE THE 5-7 HOUR JOURNEY BACK TO KINTOCK...FROM THERE HE TOOK THE 2 AND 1/2 HOUR BUS TRIP TO HIS JOB IN ATLANTIC CITY..........HE HAS CALLED ME TWICE, AND WE ARE SO VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.

I WISH ALL THE WORLD TO BE AS HAPPY AS WE ARE  IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS...YES, ALL YOU PRISON WIVES...IT CAN BE DONE........REMAIN DEVOTED, FAITHFUL...HAVE FAITH AND HOPE IN YOUR MAN.....WHILE YOU ARE AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, WORK ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP VIA MAIL, PHONE AND VISITS....IF YOU ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER, IT WILL BE SO, AND GROW STRONGER, DESPITE PRISON......PRAY FOR YOUR MAN, YOUR RELATIONSHIP, YOURSELF, AND PRAY FOR INNER STRENGTH AND GUIDANCE FROM ABOVE.....AND SO, IT WILL BE...............WITH LOVE, FRAN

PS...one little secret about jimmy.....he never has taken, nor does he need, viagra............and my baby proved it last nite......

JIMMY'S COMING HOME TOMORROW

IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS, JIMMY WILL BE HOME, HERE WITH ME, ON HIS FIRST FURLOUGH HOME....I AM SO EXCITED, IT IS ALL LIKE A DREAM....ACTUALLY, I FEEL LIKE ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS....ALICE IN WONDERLAND....AND NOW I HAVE COME OUT OF THE LOOKING GLASS....I AM ONCE AGAIN ON THE OTHER SIDE...THAT IS, I AM BACK TO REALITY...THESE PAST 2YEARS 4 MONTHS, HAS NOW SUDDENLY SEEMED LIKE A BAD DREAM...AND NOW, IT IS ALL BEGINNING TO GET BACK TO NORMAL...AFTER ALL. JIMMY BELONGS HERE AT HOME, WITH HIS WIFE....I THINK THESE PAST FEW YEARS I CREATED A WORLD AROUND MYSELF, TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM THE REALITIES OF THIS TERRIBLE PRISON SITUATION...AND NOW, IT IS BEGINNING TO RESOLVE ITSELF...IT IS AS NORMAL AS THE SUN RISES, FOR JIMMY TO WALK THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR TOMORROW...BECAUSE AFTER ALL, HE IS MY HUSBAND....THE MAN WHOM I LOVE SO VERY MUCH...I STOPPED LIVING WHEN JIMMY WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR MARCH 28, 2003...I WAS ALIVE, WITH A HEART THAT BEAT, BUT I WAS ACTUALLY DEAD AT THE SAME TIME...I PROTRCTED MYSELF, FOR MY OWN SURVIVAL PURPOSES, AND CHOSE TO PUT A COCOON AROUND ME....AND YOU ALL WERE HERE TO SHARE IT WITH ME...BECAUSE MY THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND EMOTIONS FLOWED OUT OF ME, INTO MY WRITING...WRITING THIS JLOURNAL,A ND OTHER WRITING I DID, SAVED ME ALL THESE YEARS...AND NOW, MY LIFE IS STARTING TO RETURN TO NORMAL...EVER SO SLOWLY.....A FEW MONTHS A GO , I READ SOMETHING THAT SAYS "GOD WANTS US TO SMILE, " EVEN IF IT HURTS...AND SO, I BEGAN SMILING...IT ACTUALLY HURT THE MUSCLES IN MY FACE, BECAUSE I HAD STOPPED SMILING WHEN JIMMY WENT TO PRISON....NOW I SMILE ALL DAY, AND IT HAS ONCE AGAIN BECOME NORMAL FOR ME....LIFE SEEMS LESS DREADFUL AT THIS POINT, AND I ONCE AGAIN FEEL HAPPY....WHEN JIMMY WENT TO PRISON, I STARTED WEARING ONLY BLACK, AND WORE MY BLACK X JAGUAR CAP , EVERYWHERE I WENT...I ALSO STARTED CARRYING A CANE....NOW, I WILL REVERT BACK TO MY OLD SELF, AND WILL NO LONGER WEAR BLACK.....

AND SO, I'VE BEEN EXCITEDLY GETTING THE HOUSEHOLD READY FOR JIMMY....I BOUGHT HIS FAVORITE FOODS, AND WILL COOK SOME FAVORITE THINGS FOR HIM....I HAVE LITTLE PRESENTS FOR HIM, AND A WELCOME HOME CAKE.....I CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW...THE TIME HAS FINALLY ARRIVED....AND NOW I BEGIN TO EMERGE , AS ALICE, FROM BEHIND THE LOOKING GLASS...INTO THE REAL WORLD...AND IT IS NICE TO BE A PART OF IT...............WITH LOVE, FRAN

PS...HI ANITA!...TALK TO YOU SOON!

UNEXPECTED GOOD NEWS

IT'S 3:30 AM...JIMMY JUST CALLED ME A FEW MINUTES AGO...HIS VOICE WAS SHAKING...AS HE GOT BACK FROM WORK, TO KINTOCK, HE WAS HANDED AN OFFICIAL LETTER...IT LOOKS LIKE GOOD NEWS...WE WILL KNOW ON MONDAY...IT IS ALL UNEXPECTED AND SUDDEN...I FEEL LIKE THIS IS ALL A DREAM NOW...I GUESS IT WILL BE A LONG WEEK-END....FRAN

WAITING PATIENTLY

I'M STILL WAITING....YOU MAY WANT TO CLICK ON THE COMMENT IN THE LAST ENTRY...IT IS FROM SOMEONE WHOSE FIANCE IS COMING HOME...I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU, LAURA...AND YES, THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL...ENJOY HIS RETURN HOME!.....FRAN

HI

JUST STOPPING BY FOR A QUICK HELLO....IY WAS JIMMY'S DAY OFF...HE CALLED ME AROUND 4 TIMES...IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE, BUT THERE WAS AN INSPECTION, SO HE HJAD TO STAY IN HIS ROOM....HE CALLED ME AN HOUR AGO, AND WILL CALL ME ONE MORE TIME, VERY SOON....TO WHISPER SWEET WORDS OF LOVE IN MY EAR.....FRAN

DEAR "AFRAID AND LONELY"

DEAR 'AFRAID AND LONELY,"

(FROM THE COMMENT ON JULY 6 ENTRY)

YOU ARE NOT ALONE...WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU. YOU AND I ARE ONE OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WITH LOVED ONES IN PRISON.  THERE ARE AROUND 2 MILLION PRISONERS IN OUR COUNTRY....IMAGINE JUST HOW MANY LOVED ONES ARE AT HOME WAITING?  YES, YOU ARE UNDER STRESS..IT IS NORMAL AT THIS TIME TO BE UNDER TREMENDOUS AMOUNTS OF STRESS...WHEN WE GO OUT IN PUBLIC, WE MUST SMILE, WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD...DAYS COME AND GO...OUR SOCIETY SEEMS BUILT AROUND HOLIDAYS...AND YET, WE MUST SMILE, AND ACT LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG....MANY WIVES LEAD SECRETIVE AND UNUSUAL LIVES AS THEY WAIT.  THEY ARE CAUGHT UP IN A WEB OF EMOTIONS.  AND SO, I BEG YOU, TO PLEASE HOLD ON, AS YOU ARE A GOOD WOMAN TO WAIT AND REMAIN FAITHFUL TO YOUR HUSBAND....I WISH I HAD THE MAGICAL WORDS FOR YOU...BUT I DON'T...KEEP TRYING AMD KEEP PRAYING, AND MAYBE ONE DAY THE WORLD WILL MAKE SENSE...AS FOR POINTERS....I ALWAYS TRIED TO IMMERSE MYSELF IN PROJECTS....WHEN THE PHONE WAS BLOCKED, I WOULD SING AND TALK AND CRY INTO A TAPE RECORDER, TALKING TO MY HUSBAND....I HAVE AROUND 15 TAPES I MADE, AND MY HUSBAND HAS HEARD SOME OF THEM.....I ALSO STARTED SINGING ALOT, AND BECAME ONE WITH THE MUSIC....PRISON COULD NOT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME....AND I DANCED AROUND THE HOUSE, IN TUNE WITH THE MUSIC TO GET MY EMOTIONS OUT.....I STARTED WRITING, WHICH I ENJOYED DOING......I KEPT THE HOUSEHOLD GOING, AND EVERYTHING I DID WAS FOR JIMMY....I LAID IN BED FOR 2 YEARS 4 MONTHS, AND FANTASIZED ABOUT HIM EVERYNIGHT....AND SO, SOMEHOW THE TIME PASSED.....IT NOW SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY HE WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR.  WHEN JIMMY LEFT ON MARCH 28, 2003, OUR DOG PRINCE SAT ON THE SOFA CHAIR IN THE ENCLOSED FRONT PORCH, AND WATCHED HIS DADDY WALK OUT THE FRONT DOOR....PRINCE DID NOT LEAVE THAT PORCH UNTIL SEVERAL WEEKS LATER....HE WAS PEPLEXED, BECAUSE HIS DADDY DID NOT RETURN HOME....JIMMY IS THE ALPHA IN OUR HOUSEHOLD....AT THAT TIME, PRINCE WAS SECOND AND I WAS THIRD ON THE TOTUM POLE, BUT I HAVE BECOME THE ALPHA SINCE JIMMY LEFT....I HAD TO START FEEDING PRINCE ON THE PORCH, OR ELSE HE WOULD HAVE STARVED HIMSLF TO DEATH, BECAUSE HE STOPPED EATING AND JUST WOULDN;T LEAVE HIS CHAIR....IF A POOR DOG FEELS THAT WAY, IMAGINE HOW WE HUMANS FEEL.  AND SO, I WISH YOU THE BEST...TRY TO BE STRONG...AND KEEP CALLING THE PHONE COMPANIES TO GET THAT BLOCK REMOVED....CALL THE SPECIAL PRISON PHONE COMPANY, AND THE REGULAR PHONE COMPANY....

WELL, AS FOR ME, I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE JUMMY SOON, I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP....I BOUGHT HIM SOME NEW TOWELS, AND SOAP.  I ASKED HIM WHAT KIND OF SHAVING CREAM AND RAZOR HE WANTS ME TO GET HIM....HE SAID, "I;LL USE THE ONE I HAVE AT HOME."  I LAUGHED.  "JIMMY, I SAID, THAT RAZOR IS CORRODED, AND THE CAN OF SHAVING CREAM IS RUSTED. ..IT IS 2 YEAES, 4 MONTHS SINCE YOU LEFT...AND SO WE LAUGHED TOGETHER ABOUT THAT.....ACTUALLY JIMMY SAYS HE WANTS NOTHING, ONLY ME....

DID ANYONE WATCH ON MSNBC, ON SATURDAY  NITE, THE SPECIAL; REPORT ON PRISONS....I WATCHED IT FOR 4 HOURS, AND I BELIEVE IT CONTINUED FOR SEVERAL MORE HOURS...IT WAS VERY INFORMATIVE AND EDUCATIONAL...HOWEVER, IT WAS VERY GRAPHIC...IT WAS ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF INSIDE THE PRISONS IN SAN QUENTIN AND OTHER L.A. PRISONS.....GUATDS AND PRISONERS WERE INTERVIEWED.....TE UNSIDE OF THE PRISON WAS SHPWM...THE CELLS...WEA]ONS THAT ARE MADE BY PRISONERS WERE SHOWN...I COULD GO ON AND ON..........IF ANYONE IS THINKING OF COMMOTTING A CRIME, I HOPE YOU WATCHED THAT SPECIAL...I KNOW IT WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND, AND GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES FOR A LONG TIME.  AFTER 4 HOURS, I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE....I WAS MWSMERIZED BY THE SHOW, AND WHEN JIMMY CALLED, HE FOUND ME CRYNG , AS I WAS WATCHING IT.  LATER, WHEN HE CALLED ME AT 3 AM FROM KINTOCK, I TALKED TO HIM ABOUT THE SHOW, AND TOLD HIM EXACTLY WHAT I HAD LEARNED......HE WAS SURPRISED IT WAS SUCH AN INTENSE SHOW....

WELL, I'LL SAY GOOD NITE FOR NOW...SORRY IF I MADE LOTS OF MISTAKES...MY VISION IS WORSE THAN EVER, AS OF LATE....I CAN BARELY SEE THE COMPUTER SCREEN....IT IS LIKE A FILM IS OVER MY EYES....I KEEP TELLING JIMMY MY EYES HAVE GOTTEN WORSE, BUT HE STILL BELIEVES THAT I WILL GET BETTER ONE DAY....WHEN I AM OUT IN PUBLIC, I NO  LONGER SEE THE FACES OF PEOPLE, UNLESS THEY ARE ON TOP OF ME....WELL. SUCH IS LIFE, I GUESS.............WITH LOVE, FRAN

MORE GOOD NEWS!

THIS TIME I HAVE REALLY GOOD NEWS!....THE SENIOR PAROLE OFFICER CALLED ME PROMPTLY AT 10 AM, ON THURSDAY MORNING.  SHE APOLIGIZED FOR NOT GETTING BACK TO ME SOONER.  SHE WAS REALLY VERY NICE TO ME ON THE PHONE...I GUESS I GOT OVER THE FEAR OF TALKING TO A PAROLE OFFICER...AS I HAVE NEVER SPOKEN TO ONE BEFORE, AND JUST THE WORD ALONE MAKES ME FEARFUL.  ANYHOW, SHE SIMPLY ASKED ME A FEW QUESTIONS, LIKE...DO I LIVE ALONE...DO I WANT MY HUSBAND TO RETURN HERE, AND ARE THERE WEAPOMS IN THE HOUSE.  ...AND SO, SHE SAID SHE WILL NOW FAX THE PAPERS TO KINTOCK, AND HIS FURLOUGH WILL BE GRANTED  SOON.  I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED, I FEEL LIKE A NEW PERSON....ACTUALLY, I FEEL LIKE THE OLD PERSON I ONCE WAS...LIFE FEELS LIGHTER, AND NOT SO DRASTIC...I HAVE MORE FAITH AGAIN, AND ONCE AGAIN FEEL STRONG  TONITE I'VE BEEN SHINING UP THE HOUSE FOR JIMMY...JUST AS HE LIKES IT...CLEANING THE STOVE, KITCHEN CABINETS, FRIDGE....CLEANING AND WIPING, AND GETTING RID OF THE OLD, TO WELCOME THE NEW....I EVEN TOOK THE WELCOME SIGN, AND PUT IT ON THE FRONT PORCH.  TOMORROW I WILL GO SHOPPING AND BUY 2 NEW PILLOWS FOR JIMMY (ALTHOUGH I SLEEP WITH 8 PILLOWS RIGHT NOW), A NEW BATH TOWEL, A WASHCLOTH, AND SOME TOILETRIES HE WILL NEED.  JIMMY SAYS HE DOESN'T NEED A PILLOW...HE WILL SLEEP ON ME....AND I KNOW HE WILL!....BUT MY POOR BABY HAS SUFFERED FOR SO LONG SLEEPING ON THOSE HARD, TERRIBLE BEDS...SO I WANT HIM TO BE COMFORTABLE...MY HUSBAND CAN ACTUALLY SLEEP ANYWHERE, AND HE JUST LOVES THE FLOOR....WELL, I'LL SAY GOOD-NITE, AS HE WILL CALL SOON, AT 3 AM, WHEN HE ARRIVES AT KINTOCK.  I FEEL SO DIFFERENT, AND HAVE BUTTERLIES IN MY TUMMY, AND I FEEL ALMOST LIKE IT IS THE FIRST TIME WE MET...I FIND IT ALL VERY EXCITING!...........LOVE, FRAN