DEAR "AFRAID AND LONELY"

DEAR 'AFRAID AND LONELY,"

(FROM THE COMMENT ON JULY 6 ENTRY)

YOU ARE NOT ALONE...WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU. YOU AND I ARE ONE OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WITH LOVED ONES IN PRISON.  THERE ARE AROUND 2 MILLION PRISONERS IN OUR COUNTRY....IMAGINE JUST HOW MANY LOVED ONES ARE AT HOME WAITING?  YES, YOU ARE UNDER STRESS..IT IS NORMAL AT THIS TIME TO BE UNDER TREMENDOUS AMOUNTS OF STRESS...WHEN WE GO OUT IN PUBLIC, WE MUST SMILE, WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD...DAYS COME AND GO...OUR SOCIETY SEEMS BUILT AROUND HOLIDAYS...AND YET, WE MUST SMILE, AND ACT LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG....MANY WIVES LEAD SECRETIVE AND UNUSUAL LIVES AS THEY WAIT.  THEY ARE CAUGHT UP IN A WEB OF EMOTIONS.  AND SO, I BEG YOU, TO PLEASE HOLD ON, AS YOU ARE A GOOD WOMAN TO WAIT AND REMAIN FAITHFUL TO YOUR HUSBAND....I WISH I HAD THE MAGICAL WORDS FOR YOU...BUT I DON'T...KEEP TRYING AMD KEEP PRAYING, AND MAYBE ONE DAY THE WORLD WILL MAKE SENSE...AS FOR POINTERS....I ALWAYS TRIED TO IMMERSE MYSELF IN PROJECTS....WHEN THE PHONE WAS BLOCKED, I WOULD SING AND TALK AND CRY INTO A TAPE RECORDER, TALKING TO MY HUSBAND....I HAVE AROUND 15 TAPES I MADE, AND MY HUSBAND HAS HEARD SOME OF THEM.....I ALSO STARTED SINGING ALOT, AND BECAME ONE WITH THE MUSIC....PRISON COULD NOT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME....AND I DANCED AROUND THE HOUSE, IN TUNE WITH THE MUSIC TO GET MY EMOTIONS OUT.....I STARTED WRITING, WHICH I ENJOYED DOING......I KEPT THE HOUSEHOLD GOING, AND EVERYTHING I DID WAS FOR JIMMY....I LAID IN BED FOR 2 YEARS 4 MONTHS, AND FANTASIZED ABOUT HIM EVERYNIGHT....AND SO, SOMEHOW THE TIME PASSED.....IT NOW SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY HE WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR.  WHEN JIMMY LEFT ON MARCH 28, 2003, OUR DOG PRINCE SAT ON THE SOFA CHAIR IN THE ENCLOSED FRONT PORCH, AND WATCHED HIS DADDY WALK OUT THE FRONT DOOR....PRINCE DID NOT LEAVE THAT PORCH UNTIL SEVERAL WEEKS LATER....HE WAS PEPLEXED, BECAUSE HIS DADDY DID NOT RETURN HOME....JIMMY IS THE ALPHA IN OUR HOUSEHOLD....AT THAT TIME, PRINCE WAS SECOND AND I WAS THIRD ON THE TOTUM POLE, BUT I HAVE BECOME THE ALPHA SINCE JIMMY LEFT....I HAD TO START FEEDING PRINCE ON THE PORCH, OR ELSE HE WOULD HAVE STARVED HIMSLF TO DEATH, BECAUSE HE STOPPED EATING AND JUST WOULDN;T LEAVE HIS CHAIR....IF A POOR DOG FEELS THAT WAY, IMAGINE HOW WE HUMANS FEEL.  AND SO, I WISH YOU THE BEST...TRY TO BE STRONG...AND KEEP CALLING THE PHONE COMPANIES TO GET THAT BLOCK REMOVED....CALL THE SPECIAL PRISON PHONE COMPANY, AND THE REGULAR PHONE COMPANY....

WELL, AS FOR ME, I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE JUMMY SOON, I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP....I BOUGHT HIM SOME NEW TOWELS, AND SOAP.  I ASKED HIM WHAT KIND OF SHAVING CREAM AND RAZOR HE WANTS ME TO GET HIM....HE SAID, "I;LL USE THE ONE I HAVE AT HOME."  I LAUGHED.  "JIMMY, I SAID, THAT RAZOR IS CORRODED, AND THE CAN OF SHAVING CREAM IS RUSTED. ..IT IS 2 YEAES, 4 MONTHS SINCE YOU LEFT...AND SO WE LAUGHED TOGETHER ABOUT THAT.....ACTUALLY JIMMY SAYS HE WANTS NOTHING, ONLY ME....

DID ANYONE WATCH ON MSNBC, ON SATURDAY  NITE, THE SPECIAL; REPORT ON PRISONS....I WATCHED IT FOR 4 HOURS, AND I BELIEVE IT CONTINUED FOR SEVERAL MORE HOURS...IT WAS VERY INFORMATIVE AND EDUCATIONAL...HOWEVER, IT WAS VERY GRAPHIC...IT WAS ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF INSIDE THE PRISONS IN SAN QUENTIN AND OTHER L.A. PRISONS.....GUATDS AND PRISONERS WERE INTERVIEWED.....TE UNSIDE OF THE PRISON WAS SHPWM...THE CELLS...WEA]ONS THAT ARE MADE BY PRISONERS WERE SHOWN...I COULD GO ON AND ON..........IF ANYONE IS THINKING OF COMMOTTING A CRIME, I HOPE YOU WATCHED THAT SPECIAL...I KNOW IT WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND, AND GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES FOR A LONG TIME.  AFTER 4 HOURS, I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE....I WAS MWSMERIZED BY THE SHOW, AND WHEN JIMMY CALLED, HE FOUND ME CRYNG , AS I WAS WATCHING IT.  LATER, WHEN HE CALLED ME AT 3 AM FROM KINTOCK, I TALKED TO HIM ABOUT THE SHOW, AND TOLD HIM EXACTLY WHAT I HAD LEARNED......HE WAS SURPRISED IT WAS SUCH AN INTENSE SHOW....

WELL, I'LL SAY GOOD NITE FOR NOW...SORRY IF I MADE LOTS OF MISTAKES...MY VISION IS WORSE THAN EVER, AS OF LATE....I CAN BARELY SEE THE COMPUTER SCREEN....IT IS LIKE A FILM IS OVER MY EYES....I KEEP TELLING JIMMY MY EYES HAVE GOTTEN WORSE, BUT HE STILL BELIEVES THAT I WILL GET BETTER ONE DAY....WHEN I AM OUT IN PUBLIC, I NO  LONGER SEE THE FACES OF PEOPLE, UNLESS THEY ARE ON TOP OF ME....WELL. SUCH IS LIFE, I GUESS.............WITH LOVE, FRAN