TIS ME AGAIN!

HI EVERYONE!

TIS ME, AGAIN!

IT IS 5;30 AM, AND JIMMY IS STILL SLEEPING, AND I SNUCK OUT OF BED TO WRITE , AND KEEP YOU UP TO DATE ON THINGS!

JIMMY ASKS ME EVERYDAY, TO WRITE IN THIS JOURNAL..............I FOUND IT HARD TO DO....................ONLY BECAUSE MY LIFE CHANGED.....................MY THOUGHTS CHANGED SO INTENSELY..................................I USED THIS JOURNAL FOR SEVERAL YEARS, TO WRITE WHAT WAS ON MY MIND..............WHAT WAS IN MY THOUGHTS.....................

AND NOW, WE/ I  HAVE ENTERED A NEW PHASE IN LIFE...............

JIMMY HAS BEEN HOME FOR 12 DAYS.......................OUR LIVES RIGHT NOW, ARE VERY DIFFERENT.................WE ARE VERY CONNECTED MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY.....................

I TRY TO RELEASE THE PAST, AND WANT ONLY TO THINK OF THE PRESENT......................

AND SO I THOUGHT TO MYSELF..."HOW DO I WRITE TODAY'S ENTRY?".................."FROM A PSYCHOLOGICAL, OR PHYSICAL POINT OF VIEW?"

FOR YOU PRISON WIVES, WHO HAVE HUSBANDS THAT HAVE JUST ARRIVED HOME, OR WILL SOON BE HOME, LET ME EXPLAIN........................................JUST LET LIFE "UNFOLD."

TAKE YOUR TIME....................RELAX.....................ALLOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS TO EMERGE.................DO NOT PRESSURE YOURSELF..................LET LIFE SIMPLY TAKE PLACE...................

JIMMY IS ALWAYS A VERY QUICK AND FAST MAN................BUT WITH ME, HE BEGINS TO RELAX..................AND OF COURSE, I RELAX WITH HIM.

AS FOR MYSELF, MY AGORAPHOBIA HAS PRETTY MUCH DISAPPEARED.....................JIMMY TAKES ME OUT EVERYDAY......TO MANY DIFFERENT PLACES.............I HAVE NOW STARTED TO GET USED TO THE PUBLIC , ONCE AGAIN....................I TOLD JIMMY, "IT WAS LIKE I WAS IN A BOX FOR THE PAST 3   1/2 YEARS, AND NOW, I HAVE FINALLY BEEN LET OUT.................IT IS A VERY FUNNY AND STRANGE EXPERIENCE, THAT I DON'T WISH ON ANYONE..................AND I WOULD TELL HIM, I HEAR THE PEOPLE TALKING ALL AROUND ME, IN PUBLIC, BUT I DO NOT FEEL PARTOF THEM.........................AND NOW, AFTER 12 DAYS OF GOING OUT AND AROUND, I STARTED TO BEGIN TO FEEL CONNECTED TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, ONCE AGAIN....................

BUT THE PEOPLE THAT WERE THERE FOR THE PAST 3  1/2 YEARS....WELL, THEY ARE STILL THERE, DOING THE SAME THING...................LEADING THEIR SAME MUNDANE LIVES.................YES, THOSE PEOPLE, WHOM I WILL NOT MENTION NAMES, ARE THE ONES WHO KEPT ME SOCIALLY ISOLATED FOR THE ENTIRE TIME MY HUSBAND WAS IN PRISON..........

FOR INSTANCE, JIMMY;'S FATHER, WHO LIVES LESS THAN 5 MINUTES AWAY, HAS NOT SEEN HIS SON YET.................I CALLED HIM SEVERAL TIMES TO TELL HIM JIMMY IS HOME, BUT .WELL, THIS IS WHAT IT IS.............

AND SO, ALL THE MISERABLE PEOPLE, THEIR LIFE GOES ON..................I ALWAYS TELL JIMMY I FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS PRISON THING, BECAUSE I CAN UNDERSTAND MYSELF EVEN MORE, AND THOSE AROUND ME.......

WHAT HAVE WE DONE, SINCE JIMMY HAS BEEN HOME?.............EVERYTHING!

WE WENT TO SEE THE MOVIE "BLACK DALIA," LAST THURSDAY.A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE......INTENSE, BUT SEDUCTIVE.....

IN THE MOVIE, JIMMY HELD ME IN HIS ARMS THE ENTIRE TIME.......AS HE ALWAYS HAD IN THE PAST YEARS............

WE ARE PLANNING TO GO SEE THE MOVIE ABOUT QUEEN ELIZABETH WHEN IT COMES OUT NEXT WEEK...............

WE HAVE GONE TO RESTAURANTS UPON RESTAURANTS........OVER  10, SINCE HIS ARRIVAL HOME.................AND JIMMY STILL LOVES TO COOK, AND EVERY MORNING I MAKE THE COFFEE, AS HE SAYS HE LOVES MY COFFEE!

JIMMY HAS CHANGED THE ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD!.......HE MOVES FURNTITURE AROUND, DID AND STILL DOES INTENSE CLEANING EVERYDAY, FOR A FEW HOURS EACH DAY.................THE ENTIRE COMPUTER ROOM IS CHANGED ROUND...............HE IS BUSY INTO DOING HIS ELECTRONICS...........FIXING THE COMPUTER THINGS...AND HE ATTACHED THE IPOD TO THE STEREO IN THE BEDROOM.................

WE BOTH DECIDED TO GET RID OF AS MUCH AS WE COULD.............THIS IS A NEW BEINNING TO LIFE, AND WE DID NOT WANT ANYTHING OF THE PAST....................

MOST OF MY CLOTHESHAVE BEEN CHANGED..............I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM THE PAST 3.6 YEARS..................AND SO, JIMMY HAS BOUGHT ME MANY NEW CLOTHES, JACKETS, AND IN A FEW DAYS A NEW COAT.............

HE BOUGHT ME A BEAUTIFUL BLACK LEATHER COACH HANDBAG, IN THE COACH STORE AT OCEAN COUNTY MALL.............IT IS GORGEOUS!.............

HE ALSO BOUGHT ME A BEAUTIFUL 2.5 KARET DIAMOND BRACELT, WHICH I REALLY LOVE.....AND ALSO ANOTHER CHARM FOR MY CHARM BRACLET, OF A CRESENT MOON, AND ANGEL ON IT...........

EVERYDAY, BEFORE WE GO OUT, JIMMY HELPS ME GET DRESSED  (HE EVEN LOVES TO WASH MY BACK IN THE SHOWER)...............HE PUTS ON MY KNEE HIGH STOCKINGS AND THE BLACK SHOES HE BOUGHT ME......................ONE PAIR IS CALLED BALLERINA SHOES, AND I JUST LOVE THOSE LITTLE SHOES!........................MY LEGS HAVE BECOME SLIM ONCE AGAIN, AND ARE NO LONGER EDEMATOUS AS THEY WERE THE PAST YEARS............................I HAVE STARTED WALKING MUCH BETTER NOW, ONCE AGAIN, WITH SHOES ON MY FEET..........................WE STILL TAKE THE WHEELCHAIR ALONG, AND JIMMY PUSHES ME, AND SOMETIMES I GET MY EXERCISE WALKING................

JIMMY HAD STANLEY STEAMER COME AND DO THE HOUSEHOLD CARPETS  LAST WEEK............I DEVELOPED ACUTE BRONCHITIS FROM THE CHEMICALS, AND HE TOOK ME TO THE E.R., LAST SUNDAY..............I LOST MY VOICE, TOO.................EVEN JIMMY WAS AFFECTED BY THE CHEMICALS, AND HAD A LITTLE COLD.............THEY GAVE ME BREATHING TX., AND PUT ME ON ANTIBX., AND COUGH SYRUP, AND INHALERS........................JIMMY KEPT TELLING ME, "LET'S GO THE THE ER."...................I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO GO, WHEN THE AREA AFFECTED IN MY LUNGS WAS TOO DEEP FOR ME TO COUGH UP..............THEY TOOK A C-XY, WHICH WAS FINE......................

IT IS WONDERFUL, TO HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL HUSBAND!......................HE TELLS ME THROUGHOUT THE DAY, THAT I AM A WONDERFUL WIFE..............THE BEST A MAN COULD HAVE!.............TO ME, HE IS THE BEST HUSBAND  A WIFE COULD HAVE!

HE IS CONSTANTLY KISSING ME, HOLDING ME, ETC.................EVEN NOW AS I WRITE THIS, I FEEL THE URGE TO CLIMB BACK INTO BED NEXT TO HIM, TO CUDDLE UP.AND I WILL VERY SOON!

YESTERDAY, WE WENT TO THE CHURCH, FOR FRIDAY'S BENEDICTION................JIMMY THANKED ME FOR SUGGESTING TO GO THERE...............IT WAS PEACEFUL, AND WE PRAYED AND MEDITATED.....................

LAST NIGHT, I ASKED JIMMY WHAT SHOULD I WRITE IN THE JOURNAL...HE SAID, "THAT WE ARE IN LOVE1"

.....AND YES, THAT IS SIMPLY WHAT IT IS!

BUT I MUST STRESS, TO THOSE PRISON WIVES  READING THIS THAT YOUR HUSBAND COMING HOME AFTER MANY YEARS, IS A PROCESS.................EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CONNECTED....................YOU MUST USE YOUR HEAD AND YOUR INTELLIGENCE, TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A PROCESS.....................

IT IS ALMOST LIKE A DE-PROGRAMING.  THE MAN IS NOW HOME, IN A DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT...............NO LONGER IN THE PRISON/HALF-WAY HOUSE...................AND SO, YOU MUST BOTH LET EVERYTHING FALL BACK INTO PLACE............SLOWLY.....................DO NOT PUSH ANYTHING................BE HAPPY.  BE CONTENT.............IT SIMPLY MEANS, TO LET ALL YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS FALL INTO PLACE NATURALLY AND NORMALLY...................IF EVERY MOMENT IS NOT WONDERFUL AND GREAT, IT IS OK............JUST RELAX AND GO WITH THE FLOW..............

WELL, I'LL SAY BYE FOR NOW, AND HOPE TO WRITE AGAIN SOON........................JIMMY WILL BE WRITING AN ENTRY SOON, AND MAY EVEN PUT OUR PIX HERE!                    :)

.................WITH LOVE,

                           FRAN