THOUGHTS FROM KINTOCK

JIMMY CALLED ME SEVERAL TIMES TODAY, SUNDAY.  IT WAS HIS DAY OFF, AND HE FEELS  VERY BORED AT KINTOCK...THERE IS NOTHING FOR HIM TO DO THERE....HE IS NORMALLY A VERY ACTIVE MAN, AND CAN'T STAND TO STAY PUT, AND NOT DO ANYTHING....THERE IS JUST SO MUCH READING THAT ONE CAN DO, AND HE LISTENS TO TALK SHOWS ON HIS RADIO...HE NEVER GOES INTO THE TV ROOM...........SO THAT'S ABOUT IT.......HE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT NOW HE HAS MISSED 2 FURLOUGHS HOME........WELL, I HAVE A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT THIS COMING WEDNESDAY, AND I WONDER IF HE WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE ME THERE........IF HE CAN'T MAKE IT HOME, I JUST WOULDN'T GO AT ALL.......MY EYES HAVE GOTTEN TOO BAD TO DRIVE ANYWHERE , ANYMORE....

I ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT THEY MEANT BY "PRISON REFORM," MY WHOLE LIFE....WELL, NOW I KNOW.........THE WHOLE SYSTEM SEEMS MIXED UP TO ME............AND THEN THEY COMPLAIN THAT THE SYSTEM IS OVER-CROWDED...OF COURSE IT IS, WHEN THEY KEEP PEOPLE IN PRISON, WHO SHOULD BE OUT.........AND BEFORE YOU ALL "ATTACK" ME FOR SAYING THAT, YOU KNOW THAT IT IS A BIG ISSUE IN OUR COUNTRY..........IT'S ALL AN EDUCATION FOR ME...

WELL, I GOTTA GO NOW......THE HOUSE IS QUIET, COLD....I CAN ONLY WATCH SO MUCH TV, AND LISTEN TO SO MUCH RADIO..........I SAW 'DESPERATE HOUSWIVES,"   AND 'LARRY DAVID," TONITE........I ALSO DID THE ONE-MILE WALK(ON-DEMAND EXERCISE)........I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING ON THE COOKING CHANNEL, AND FASHION CHANNEL AROUND 100 TIMES....TV, AND JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING HAS BECOME BORING FOR ME........I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE SLEEPING ANYMORE.............WELL, THERE IS A LITTLE ESSAY I WANT TO WRITE THAT IS IN MY HEAD......I WILL DO THAT NOW........IT IS CALLED "THE BLIND GIRL."...........THAT IS ME.......ABOUT LOSING YOUR EYESIGHT AT THE AGE OF 48, AND HOW THINGS CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE...........IN MANY WAYS IT IS A BLESSING...........I WILL EXPLAIN WHAT I SEE, AND HOW I PERCEIVE THE WOURLD NOW.......AND HOW OTHERS SEE ME............HOW IT IS LIKE LIVING IN A FISHBOWL...IT IS ALL BLURRY AND WATERY, AND DEBRIS, LIKE LITTLE FISH SWIM BACK AND FORTH..........HOW THE RIGHT EYE IS COMPLETELY BLIND, AND EVRYTHING IS DISTORTED AND HALF THE SIZE...THE VISION IS VERY DIM, AND THE OBJECTS ARE VERY SMALL, AND PARTLY NOT THERE...PEOPLE LOOK GROTESQUE, LIKE MONSTERS TO ME...................THE ONLY PERSON I TRUST IS MY HUSBAND......................BECAUSE I REALLY CAN'T SEE FACES, OR ANY DETAILS...MOSTLY EVERYTHING IS A SHADOW........I DO MOST THINGS BY MEMORY......SO EVERYTHING MUST BE IN ITS PLACE AT HOME, OTHERWISE I AM LOST.........AND FORGET ABOUT THE DARK....I'M TOTALLY DIORIENTED THERE...AND OFF-BALANCE..................SO I WILL WRITE MY LITTLE STORY, AND SEND IT IN TO HE "NEW JERSEY WORDSMITH COMPETITION."  (they want material from disabled people)....

BEFORE I GO, I WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH YOU.....LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME I WAS BEING TRANSPORTED FROM THE HISPITAL TO THE NURSING HOME....WHEN I GOT TO THE NURSING HOME, I HJAD PHYSICAL THERAPY EVERYDAY, TO LEARN TO WALK AGAIN......I WAS CRYING ALL THE TIME...I WAS TILL VERY SHORT OF BREATH...MY PULSE OX ON AMBULATYION WAS DROPPING TO 88 WHEN IN PT..........AND I WOULD ALWAYS FEEL LIKE FAINTING.........ON THE SECOND DAY OF PHYSICAL THERAPY, A BEAUTIFUL THERAPIST WORKED WITH ME...........TO ME, SHE, (her name was Genivive), WAS LIKE AN ANGEL TO ME...........I WROTE THIS POEM ABOUT HER WHEN I WENT BACK TO MY ROOM..........SHE SEEMED LIKE THE ONLY PERSON TO UNDERSTNAD AND CARE FOR ME AT THAT TIME.........

                                       "GENIVIVE"  ....written 1011/04

              LIKE AN ANGEL SHE ARRIVED....

                    ...HER SWEET SMILE....

                     ....HER EYES SO CLEAR, LIKE DIAMONDS...

                      ....HER DARK HAIR IN A NEAT BUN.....

                       .....HER EBONY SKIN...SO CLEAR AND FRESH.....

           SHE WAS AN ANGEL,

                          ....SENT FROM GOD.

                          ....HER EYES ALL AGLOW......

                          ....HER SMILE SO WARM.....

         SHE WAS "MY SPECIAL ANGEL"........

                          ....SENT TO ME FROM ABOVE.......

 

YES, GENIVIVE HEOLPED ME, AND ACTUALLY CHANGED MY LIFE....SHE LOOKED DEEPLY INTO MY EYES, AND TOLD ME SOME SPECIAL WORDS.......I WAS CRYING THE WHOLE TIME, AND TOLD HER, SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND...THAT THE ONE PERSON THAT CARED ABOUT ME, AND LOVED ME, MY HUSBAND , WAS IN PRISON.......SHE TOOK MY HAND, AND SOFTLY SAID, "YOU MUST GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM, AND WORK ON A PROJECT FOR ME.  YOU MUST FOCUS YOUR THOUGHTS ON OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE HAVING A HARD TIME IN LIFE."...AND SO, I TRIED TO DO WHAT SHE SAID.....SHE WAS THE ONE PERSON I MET THAT WAS A GENUINE AND SINCERE PERSON...SHE WAS MY SPIRITUAL ANGEL....AND I CAN NEVER FORGET HER.......