HELLO EVERYONE

HELLO EVERYONE!...

WELL JIMMY CAME HOME, THEN JIMMY LEFT...AS QUICK AS HE WAS HERE, HE WAS GONE....

HE CAME HOME MONDAY AT 1PM, AND LEFT TUESDAY MPORNING, TODAY, AT 8 AM....THEN, HE WENT TO THE STORE TO WORK, AND SHOULD BE DONE WORKING SOON, AND ON HIS WAY BACK TO KINTOCK....

WE ATE PIZZA, MUSSELS, AND EGG PLANT PARMIGANE...FROM AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT....IT WAS GREAT!...IT WAS THE FIRST PIZZA AND ITALIAN FOOD I HAD EATEN IN THE PAST 31 MONTHS....WELL, I WAS GOING FOR A RECORD!...

THEN IN THE EVENING, WE LAID ON THE BED, WITH PRINCE AND THE 2 CATS, AND WATCHED "SHREK 2," ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES, ON HBO..........JIMMY JUST LOVED IT, AND WAS IMPRESSED WITH THE ANIMATION.......AS WE LAY ACROSS THE BED, PRINCE WAS HUGGING MISTY WITH HIS PAWS, AND THEN, MISTY WAS LICKING PRINCE.....WE HAVE A VERY LOVING HOUSEHOLD!

AROUND MIDNIGHT, JIMMY MADE FRIED EGGS, AND CROISSANTS WITH MELTED CHEESE....DELICIOUS!....HE EVEN SERVED ME IN BED.....ALLWAS WONDERFUL...HOWEVER, AROUNF THAT TIME HE SAID HE WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE AT 8AM IN THE MORNING....I THOUGHT HE WOULD BE STAYING HERE UNTIL 5PM...BUT I GUESS NOT........

SO, HE TOOK THE TAXI AT 8AM...AND PRINCE AND I WATCHED OUT THE WINDOW.....THEN WE LAID BACK DOWN, AND AS USUAL, I JUST SLEPT....

WHEN THERE IS NO WHERE TO GO IN YOUR HEART AND SOUL, WELL, THE BEST PLACE TO GO, IS TO SLEEP...........AND SO, JIMMY CALLED ME SEVERAL TIMES THROUGH-OUT THE DAY, AND I WAS ALWAYS SLEEPING...HE WENT TO WORK...AND ONE TIME HE CALLED ME AND SAID, "I FEEL LIKE AN EMPTY EGG, WITH THE YOLK DRAINED OUT."   (that is, he felt like an empty shell).

AND SO, WE PROCEED INTO THE  COLD, AND SNOW, AND ICY RAIN, AND COLD WINDS, AND DARK DAYS, AND SHORT DAYS, AND DARKNESS AND GLOOM.....THE LONLINESS OF THIS HOUSE IS BECOMING OVERWHELMIN TO ME...JIMMY'S PRESENCE FOR 20 HOURS FILLS IT UP, BUT THEN AGAIN, IT IS LONLIER AND COLDER THAN EVER.............OH WHEN WILL THIS TORTURE END, I ASK MYSELF...............

I AM IN A STRANGE PLACE, HARD TO UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN HERE............

I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVEBECOME THIS WAY LATELY..........IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE TAKEN PART OF ME, THAT LIVES DEEP DOWN INSIDE OF ME, AND LOCKED HER AWAY.............I LOCKED HER DEEP DOWN INSIDE OF ME.........MAYBE SHE WILL IMMERGE ONE DAY, STRONGER AND BETTER, BUT AS FOR NOE, I JUST CAN'T HELP IT..........JIMMY TRIES TO TALK TO ME, AND UNDERSTAND ME...........IT IS MAYBE THE FIRST TIME, I JUST CAN'T LET HIM UNDERSTAND ME.....AND HE SEARCHES FOR THE RIGHT WORDS...HE USUALLY HAS THEM....BUT I'VE BECOME LOST IN MYSELF...IN NOTHINGNESS...I'M NOT SURE IF HE CAN HELP ME THIS TIME AROUND............"THE ME THAT NOBODY KNOWS."...IT IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO FEEL...IT IS A BLAND, NOTHINGNESS FEELING...UNREACHABLE BY OTHERS............NOT UNDERSTOOD BY ANYONE...............A PLACE I LIKE TO GO, INSIDE OF ME, AND I LOCK MYSELF AWAY...FROM EVERYONE....NO EMOTIONS, NO FEELINGS.....JUST TO BE LEFT ALONE...........BECAUSE MY HEART BEATS, AND MY BRAIN FUNCTIONS.........AND SO I AM STILL ALIVE...........BUT, I WANT TO BE WHERE NO ONE CAN REACH ME...AND I FEEL SAD TO DO THIS TO A HUSBAND WHO IS SO WONDERFUL...WHO WORKS SO HARD...WHO WORKS TO ERRADICATE THE CRIME HE COMMITTED...IT MAKES ME FEEL SO SAD...THAT I LOCK MYSELF WITHIN MYSELF.........................I LIKE IT THAT WAY...NO ONE CAN REACH ME....KNOW ONE CAN KNOW ME..............AND THAT IS THE ONE THING I HAVE UP ON EVERYONE...THEY JUST DON'T KNOW ME, AND NEVER WILL............JIMMY IS THE ONLY ONE WHO I HAVE ALLOWED TO KNOW ME...AND IT IS AT TIMES LIKE THIS, THAT EVEN HE HAS A HARD TIME.......

AND SO, LET US NOW READ THE BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS FROM THE LAST ENTRY.......THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOR CARING AND TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE SUCH WELL-THOUGHT COMMENTS.....

SUGAR SAYS, AMONST OTHER THINGS, " THE JUSTICE SYSTEM NEEDS TO BE CORRECTED...."

BETTY  (lv2rnscrb)...."THERE SHOULD BE A PROGRAM OR MINISTRY AVAILABLE FOR THE FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE INCARCERATED, TO GO TO SCHOOLS TO TALK TO KIDS AND TEENS, TO TELL THEM HOW TERRIBLE IT IS TO HAVE SOMEONE IN PRISON.  IT MAY HELP THEM AVOID LEADING A LIFE OF CRIME...."................YES BETTY, THABK YOU SO MUCH...THAT WOULD BE A WONDERFUL IDEA, AND WOULD HELP OTHERS.

THE GREATEST COMMENT WAS BY DEBBIE (DERASTA)....(ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOUR JOURNAL IS THAT I GET TO REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE LOVED ONES WHO ARE LEFT BEHIND GO THROUGH....."................THANK YOU, DEBBIE, YOU SAID IT ALL.......

ONCE A SANE AND HAPPY PERSON, I'M NOW TRYING FOR THIS WHOLE PROCESS NOT TO EAT THROUGH ME, LIKE A POISON........IT IS NOW 31 MONTHS THAT JIMMY HAS BEEN WITHIN THE PRISON SYSTEM....WHEN I MARRIED HIM, HE THOUGHT IT WOULD ONLY BE 5 MONTHS, THEN HOUSE ARREST............WELL, HERE WE GO, ANOTHER WINTER AND HOLIDAY SEASON APPROACHING........I WISH THERE WAS A BUTTON TO SHUT THE HUMAN BODY OFF....I WOULD DO THAT, AND WAKE UP WHEN IT IS ALL OVER........

GOOD-NIGHT TO ALL....................FRAN