CHRISTMAS AT KINTOCK

I SAW JIMMY YESTERDAY AT KINTOCK.....THE RULES CHANGED ONCE AGAIN, AND I WAS ABLE TO BRING HOME-COOKED FOOD.......SO I BROUGHT LASAGNA, AND CHICKEN, AND LOADS OF OTHER STUFF.....I HAD 5 CHRISTMAS BAGS FILLED WITH GIFTS, AND HE HAD A PRESENT FOR ME.....EVERYTHING WAS GREAT AND HAPPY AND FESTIVE....WE STAYED 4 HOURS.....IT WAS A BEAUTIFU; BRIGHT SUNNY DAY, THROUGH THE FARMLANDS OF NEW JERSEY.............AND THEN I GOT HOME, TO A LONELY HOUSE, WITH MY 3 PETS WAITING............AND THEN ONCE AGAIN, I GOT SICK.....TO MY STOMACH............IT MUST BE PSYCHOLOGICAL.  I JUST DON'T KNOW....I HAD BARELY EATEN ALL DAY.......AND WHEN I GOT HOME, IT ALL STRUCK ME LIKE A BOLT OF LIGHTENING.....I FELT SO DEPRESSED , AND I STARTED CRYING...AND THEN LATER I STARTED VOMITING.....JIMMY CALLED ME AS SOON AS I GOT HOME....HE COMFORTED ME, WHEN I SHOUD BE THE ONE COMFORTING ME....I THINK HE REALIZES ALL THIS HAS A DEEP PROFOUND AFFECT ON ME...I JUST CAN'T HELP IT.....THERE ARE NO WORDS THAT CAN HELP ME...ONLY TIME WILL HELP ME, WHEN I CAN FORGET THIS EPISODE OF MY LIFE.......IT'S JUST HAT THOSE "PRISON PLACES' MAKE ME LITERALLY FEEL SICK....AND I NEVER REALIZE IT UNTIL I GET HOME.....WHEN I WAS A TEEN-AGER , IN NURSES TRAINING, I HAD TO VISIT ALL THOSE TERRIBLE INSTITUTIINS, AND I FOUND IT TERRIBLY DEPRESSING....IT AFFECTS ME IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH....I HAD TO GOT TO RAHWAY PRISON, FOR MY TRAINING, AND ATE LUNCH IN THE CAFETERIA...A HAMBURGER.....WELL, I REMEMBER I JUST COULDN';T EAT IT, AND I WAS SICK TO MY STOMACH, FOR WEEKS LATER.  SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT THE INMATES COOKED THE FOOD, AND I JUST COULD NOT EAT  ANYMORE........WELL, JIMMY TOLD ME THAT WHERE HE IS, IN KINTOCK, INMATES ONLY COOK FOR INMATES....NOT FOR OFFICERS OR ANYOINE ELSE...................AND IN MY NURSES TRAINING I HAD TO GO TO PLACES LIKE GREYSTONE PSYCH INSTITUTION, AND MARLBORO PSYCH........ALSO CARRIER CLINIC..........ALL THESE PLACES WERE LOCATED IN THESE STRANGE REMOTE, COUNTRY AREAS OF NEW JERSEY.......AND I STILL REMEMBER IT WELL.........I KEEP ASKING JIMMY THAT WHEN HE COMES HOME, PLEASE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THIS EPISODE OF OUR LIFE AGAIN...HE SAYS OK, HE WON;T.........I'M JUST SAYING THAT TO BE DIFFICULT, I GUESS.....................JIMMY KEEPS SAYING I WOULDN';T BE NORMAL IF I WASN;'T SOMEWHAT UPSET ABOUT THIS EPIOSODE OF LIFE.....SO I GUESS IT'S OK TO HAVE MY CRAZY THOUGHTS , AT TIMES.....THEY ARE NOT REALLY CRAZY, BUT SORT OF MIXED UP....THEY COME AND GO...........ANYHOW, I WAS GLAD O GET HOME, TO THE PLACE I FEEL SAFE AND SECURE IN........IN HERE, NO ONE CAN HURT ME OR HARM ME....I AM WARM AND SAFE, WITH 3 LOVING PETS.........WITH A PHONE IN WHICH MY HUSBAND TALKS TO ME.........WHAT A STARNGE WORLD MY LIFE HAS BECOME........I JUST DON'T LIKE GOING OUT IN THE WORLD ANYMORE...IT MAKES ME FEEL APPREHENSIVE...LIKE I WANT TO RUN BACK HOME..........

AND SO, ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE LIFE OF A PRISON WIFE........ANOTHER DAY OVER....ANOTHER CHRISTAMAS OVER.........AND NOW, ONWARD , TO THE FUTURE........I'M GLAD TOMORROW WILL BE TOMORROW, AND TODAY WILL BE OVER..................................FRAN, THE WIFE OF A PRISONER