Sunday, May 21, 2006

THOUGHTS ON A SUNDAY EVENING....

HI EVERYBODY!

THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND THOUGHTS!...I'M REALLY NOT EXACTLY LONELY, AS I SAID IN THE PREVIOUS ENTRY LAST NIGHT..........IT'S JUST THAT I MISS JIMMY SO MUCH, AND AT TIMES, LATE AT NIGHT IT SOMETIMES STRICKS ME..........IT'S JUST THAT I MISS HIS PRESENCE, MISS HIS TOUCH...HIS LAUGHTER.............USUALLY WHEN I FEEL LIKE THAT, I JUST PUT MYSELF TO BED, AND TRY TO DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP..........

YOU SEE, I'M IN A DIFFERENT STAGE, OF THIS "PRISON PROCESS."  THOSE OF YOU WHO READ THIS JOURNAL, AND HAVE A MAN IN PRIISON, MUST UNDERSTAND THAT...........ONE DAY, I WOULD LIKE TO WRITE ABOUT THIS SUBJECT, MORE IN DETAIL............I , MYSELF, FOUND OUT ABOUT IT, THROUGH ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH IT............

THE "PRISON PROCESS," IS LIKE A JOURNEY...........

THE WIFE/ GIRLFRIEND/CHILDREN...AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS GO THROUGH IT..............THE PRISNER GOES THROUGH IT, WITHIN THE CONFINES OF PRISON WALLS......

IN THE BEGINNING, THE WIFE ACTUALLY GOES THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS................IT MAY LAST MONTHS...EVEN YEARS.

OFTEN, THE GRIEVING PROCESS, TURNS INTO BEING IN A STATE OF DEPRESSION...........

SOME GET HELP AND THERAPY, WHICH IS A GOOD IDEA, BECAUSE IT IS NOT GOOD TO BE DEPRESSED FOR MONTHS ON END.............

AS FOR MYSELF, THE ENDLESS MONTHS, SLOWLY TURNED INTO YEARS, AND YES, NOW IT IS 3.2 YEARS. 

I AM IN A DIFFERENT STAGE OF THIS PRISON PROCESS.........I HELD ON, AND NOW, TODAY, I CAN SAY I AM ONCE AGAIN MY HAPPY, CHEERFUL SELF............

IT TAKES TIME FOR THIS TO HAPPEN........YES, IT IS A PROCESS............FOR THOSE AT HOME, AND THOSE CRIMINALS THAT ARE BEING REHABILATED IN A PRISON........

I FEEL HAPPY TO GREET THE DAY, AND BE PRODUCTIVE....WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT IS THAT JIMMY AND I STAYED CONNECTED, THROUGHOUT THE 3.2 YEARS..HE IS STRONG, AND I AM , TOO.........TOGETHER, WE BOTH PULLED EACH OTHER ALONG................

AT ONE POINT, IN THESE PAST 3.2 YEARS, I BEGAN TO ACCEPT, THAT I WAS SIMPLY A WOMAN WHOWAS MARRIED, AND HER HUSBAND WAS IN PRISON...........I NO LONGER WAS ASHAMED OF IT..........I DID NOT HIDE FROM IT........

AND JIMMY AND I SET UP OUR DAILY "FAMILY" RELATIONSHIP.....WE FOCUSED ON PHONE CALLS, AND MAIL........I MADE LISTS OF THINGS TO DISCUSS WITH JIMMY IN THOSE 15 MINUTE COLLECT CALLS.........I MADE SURE HE KNEW EVERYTHING GOING ON IN THIS HOUSEHOLD......

AND SO, OUR RELATIONSHIP GREW ONLY STRONGER, AND MORE CEMENTED THROUGH THE YEARS........

I DON'T SIT HERE ALONE AND CRYING, AS IT WAS IN THE BEGINNING..............AND EVEN IN THOSE BEGINNING DAYS, WHEN I WOULD CRY ON THE PHONE TO JIMMY, HE SUPPORTED ME............I WOULD CRY TO HIM, "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME....HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE."..............JIMMY IS A VERY CARING PERSON, AND HIS ANSWER TO ME, WOULD ALWAYS BE THE SAME...........HE LET ME CRY, AND THEN, HE WOULD SAY, "IT'S OK, FRAN, FOR YOU TO FEEL THIS WAY.  PRISON IS A HORRIBLE THING.  YOU WOULD BE ABNORMAL TO GO OUT AND PARTY EVERY NIGHT.  BUT YOU LOVE ME, AND CRY, SO YOU ARE Normal.".............AND THAT WAS WAY IN THE BEGINNING, OVER 3 YEARS AGO.

BUT WE WERE STRONG, AND NOW, BOTH OF US ARE IN A VERY DIFFERENT PHASE OF THIS PRISON PROCESS........

I LIVE EVERY DAY FOR MY HUSBAND, AND FIND PLEASURE AND ENJOYMENT IN MAINTAINING THE HOUSEHOLD FOR HIM WHILE HE IS GONE..........

BOTH OF US HAVE BECOME VERY PRODUCTIVE IN THESE PAST 3.2 YEARS...............JIMMY BECAME A PUBLISHED WRITER, WITH A FULL STORY PUBLISHED IN "ANGELS ON EARTH MAGAZINE.".....AND I ALSO BECAME A PUBLISHED WRITER, WITH 12 PUBLISHED SHORT STORIES, AND NEWSPAPER ARTICLES...........MY 13TH STORY WILL BE OUT IN JULY, 2006.....AND SO, WE ARE HAPPY ABOUT THIS........

I MAY SAY I'M LONELY, BUT WHAT I MEAN IS I MISS MY HUSBAND..............I AM A VERY HAPPY PERSON, BECAUSE I AM FORTUNATE TO BE MARRIED TO A VERY WONDERFUL MAN...........A LOVING MAN....

AND SO, I'LL SAY GOOD-NIGHT, AS THE 2 HOUR FINALE IS ON TV FOR "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES."

SO, WHATEVER PHASE YOU ARE IN, IN THIS "PRISON PROCEES," JUST HANG IN THERE, AS DIFFICULT AS IT MAY BE, BECAUSE IN LIFE, THINGS AUTOMATICALLY CHANGE..........THE WHEELS OF LIFE AUTOMATICALLY TURN.........WHAT WAS ONCE YESTERDAY, MAY NOT BE TODAY..........AND TOMORROW, IF YOU SO CHOOSE, YOU CAN BE DIFFERENT...........

AND, I GUESS......LOL...."ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE!"

GOOD-NIGHT!

FRAN

2 comments:

am4039 said...

Fran how much longer is Jimmy in prison for? It sounds like you two just love each other so much.

sugar1337 said...

I commend you for staying with your husband.  I don't think it it is something I could go through, but more power to you for doing so.  Jimmy is lucky to have you.
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