Saturday, May 20, 2006

FEELING LONELY

HI EVERYONE!

WELL, I'M JUST HERE TONIGHT...FEELING LONELY...MISSING JIMMY.............MISSING THE FEELING OF BEING PART OF A "FAMILY, " AND TOGETHERNESS...WISHING HE WERE HERE..........MISSING THE FEELING OF "HAVING A PURPOSE."..........WELL. I HAVE A PURPOSE, BUT I STILL SIMPLY MISS THE PRESENCE OF MY HUSBAND IN THE HOUSEHOLD...............PRINCE IS HERE AT MY FEET SLEEPING...JIMBO AND MISTY ARE FINALLY ASLEEP, AFTER HARESSING ME ALL DAY FOR FOOD.......TRUTHFULLY. I'VE NEVER SEEN 3 ANIMALS SO OBCESSED BY FOOD...THEY WANT TO EAT ALL THE TIME!

IT'S COLD AND DAMP TONIGHT, AND I MAY PUT ON THE HEAT LATER, EVEN THOUGH IT WILL SOON BE JUNE.......

TONIGHT I WATCHED "AMERICA'S MOST WANTED," ON TV, AND RIGHT NOW, 'QVC" IS ON..............IT IS THEIR YEARLY SHOW, FILMED IN NORTH ITALY, THE VINCENZA AREA OF ITALY, WITH ITALIAN GOLD JEWELRY.........I ENJOYED WATCHING THE SHOW, AS ITALIAN GOLD IS SO PRETTY.....IT IS A HEAVIER GOLD AND DESIGN, WHICH I LIKE..........IT IS FILMED ON THE OUTSIDE OF A FAMOUS VILLA,  WITH THE BIRDS CHIRPING...IT IS 5 OR 6 HOURS AHEAD OF OUR TIME, (EST), SO IT WAS PRETTY TO WATCH MORNING DAWN, IN ITALY........(YES, I AM BORED HERE, TONIGHT)

EARLIER SATURDAY EVENING, I ORDERED A COUPLE OF PIZZAS FOR JIMMY AND 2 OTHER GUYS, ON THE PHONE, FROM A NEAR-BY PIZZARIA, IN CAMDEN........IT WAS FUN TO DO!..........HOPE THEY GOT IT, AND ENJOYED IT...........YOU SEE, THE WAY JIMMY'S PHONE CALLS ARE SET UP, IS THAT HE CALLS ME FOR 1/2 HOUR AT 1PM, AND THEN AGAIN AT 3:30pm................THEN , SOMETIMES HE CAN BORROW TIME FROM ANOTHER GUY, AND CALL ME AT 6 PM, FOR JUST A FEW MINUTES............THEN, THERE ARE NO MORE CALLS UNTIL 6 AM..............YES, JIMMY CALLS ME AT 6 AM, EVERY MORNING...........AND YOU KNOW, I AM STILL SLEEPING........SOMETIMES I JUST GRUNT WHEN I ANSWER THE PHONE..........BUT I LOVE TO HEAR HIS VOICE, EVEN IN MY SLEEP...........JIMMY IS UP BEFORE 6 AM, SHOWERED, SHAVED, READY FOR BREAKFAST..........YES, HE IS VERY MUCH A MORNING PERSON...........THAT IS ABOUT THE ONLY PLACE WE DIFFERENTIATE IN OUR MARRIAGE....AND WE EVEN WORK AROUND THAT, SO IT'S NOT AN ISSUE....

A FEW DAYS AGO, THE GUYS AT VOA, WERE PUTTING FISHING RODS OUT THE WINDOW, AND THEIR WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS WERE DOWN BELOW ON THE LAWN, BRINGING THEM DRUGS......CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

THE ADMINISTRATOR CLEARED THE WHOLE THING UP, AND I GUESS GUYS WENT BACK TO PRISON FOR THIS.............

WHAT I AM AMAZED AT,IS THAT ANY WIFE OR WOMAN WOULD BRING HER HUSBAND DRUGS............DRUGS TO A HALF-WAY HOUSE?..............HOW COULD THEY?....WELL, I GUESS THOSE WOMEN MUST BE DRUG ADDICTS THEMSELVES.................HERE, THOSE MEN HAVE GONE THROUGH YEARS IN PRISON, ARE NOW IN A HALF-WAY HOUSE, GETTING READY TO COME HOME, AND THE WOMEN ARE "FEEDING" THEIR MEN DRUGS...........I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE MENTALITY AND STUPIDITY OF PEOPLE......THEY NEVER CHANGE THEIR WAY OF THINKING....ALTHOUGH I KNOW MANY OF YOU ARGUE WITH ME ON THAT THOUGHT..............

JIMMY SAYS THESE MEN ARE "COWARDS."  THEY JUST CANNOT FACE THE REALITY OF LIFE, SO THEY TURN TO LIVES OF ADDICTION............

YES, THE REALITY OF IT IS ,FOR THESE PEOPLE, THAT IT IS EASIER TO GET HIGH, AND LEAD A LIFE OF BEING ADDICTED, THEN TO GET A JOB, AND FACE THE REALITIES OF LIFE...........AS FOR MYSELF, I DID NOT GROW UP EXACTLY IN A BED OF ROSES.......I HAD A VERY DIS-JOINTED CHILDHOOD.............TO SAY THE LEAST...........BUT I WAS DETERMINED TO MAKE IT ON MY OWN, AND I DID.......

I READ IN THE PAPER THAT THERE IS A BAD BATCH OF HEROIN, IN THAT AREA OF JERSEY..............MANY ARE DYING FROM IT.............A GIRLFRIEND OF A RESIDENT AT HOPE HALL DIED FROM IT LAST WEEK..............

I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT...........HOW CAN PEOPLE LIVE, AND NEVER KNOW THE JOY OF LIVING...........TO GET UP IN THE MORNING, AND TO "FEEL LIFE," IN AND AROUND YOU........BUT ALL THESE PEOPLE KNOW IS DRUGS, AND IT IS A SAD SITUATION............

I WORKED IN A LARGE HOSPITAL IN NEW YORK,  IN THE 70'S AND 80'S, ON THE BORDER OF HARLEM...........All I TOOK CARE OF, AS AN R.N., WERE HEROIN ADDICTS....................A  BLACK WOMAN I WORKED WITH FOR YEARS, USED TO ALWAYS SAY, "WHY DON'T THEY JUST PUT ALL THE DRUG ADDICTS IN ONE BIG ROOM, AND GIVE THEM ALL THE DRUGS THEY WANT..... AS MUCH AS THEY WANT.  AND LET THEM ALL OVERDOSE ON IT.....BECAUSE , THAT IS JUST WHAT THEY WANT...MORE AND MORE DRUGS"

WELL, I HOPE SOME, ALONG THIS PATHOF LIFE, ARE BEING REFORMED.............

I'LL SAY GOOD-NITE NOW, BECAUSE THIS A DEPRESSING SUBJECT TO THINK ABOUT.............

FRAN

PS.....THE GOOD NEWS, IS THAT JIMMY WILL FINALLY BE RETURNING TO HIS JOB AT IGA FOODSTORE MONDAY MORNING..........

4 comments:

stargazed0821 said...

For alot of drug addicts, it is not so much that all they want is more drugs, but that they cannot quit... when they do, life is very miserable for them and they go back because they cannot go through the misery even tho if they stayed clean long enough the misery would get better.  Many of them don't even get high anymore, they simply do the drugs to keep from going through the sickness.  And they don't quit because they are still chasing the first high... the great feeling they felt from their drug of choice the first time they used it... the feeling they know they will never feel again, but keep hitting it to try and find that paradise again.  I know all this, because I know many addicts and have close personal relationships with them.  They are people I love.  There is such a misconception about "who is an addict" and "what type of person is an addict"... the reality is that addiction is not prejudiced... it affects, rich and poor, fat and skinny, smart and stupid, educated and uneducated, law abiding and criminals... They are people just like you and me and addiction is a terminal disease just like cancer.  Once an addict, always an addict.  You can arrest addiction and you can live in recovery, but it never goes away and it's a fight every day of your life to hang on to your sobriety once you quit the drug.  There are only three ways for a using addict to go... it always ends in jails, institutions or death.  And it hurts to watch these people go through their pain, and the pain it causes those who love them.

shobsxy said...

fran, i was worried about u after no post for 3 days.glad youre ok, at least physically.loneliness is only temporary...until your next phone call.smile.as 4 me, 2morrow i'm visiting my jimmy 4 the first time in 5 months.im so excited i cant sleep.keep your head up and pls. pray that i enconter no problems when i get 2 the facility.

am4039 said...

happy that Jimmy starts his job on Monday. I'm sorry you were lonely and sad. I know it must be so hard at times.

sugar1337 said...

The problem for addicts often times is that they need those drugs to feel normal after awhile.  One's body starts to need them in order to live.  Detox is a hard thing and most people can't afford good treatment centers to do so and I think that is one of the reasons why there are so many drugs addicts.
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