Monday, March 20, 2006

A MILLION TEARS, A MILLION YEARS....A MILLION MILES AWAY

EVERY DAY SEEMED LIKE A MILLION HOURS LONG....EVERY HOUR A MILLION MINUTES LONG.....IN THE BEGINNING, THE ROAD AHEAD SEEMED UNBEARABLY LONG.....WITH NO END IN SIGHT..............TONITE, I SIT HERE AND THINK, AND REMINESCE...........ABOUT THE BEGINNING DAYS, MARCH 2003, WHEN JIMMY FIRST WAS GONE................I SAT OUTSIDE ALOT.........IT WAS THE SPRING, LIKE IT IS NOW......AND I SAT ON THE PARK BENCHES, AND TALKED TO THE SKY...AND TO THE TREES........AND HEARD THE BIRDS........AND SAW THE SQUIRELLS..................AND I ONLY ASKED GOD, WHY?...OVER AND OVER..........WHEN SOMEONE IS THAT DEPRESSED, THEY CANNOT EVEN FORM WORDS OF HOW THEY FEEL........AND SO THIS JOURNAL SAVED MY LIFE, AND GAVE ME, AS WELL AS OTHERS, STRENGTH TO CARRY ON........................I FEEL THIS JOURNAL IS A BLESSED PLACE.......WHERE OTHERS , ALONG WITH ME FOUND SOLACE.....................

AND NOW, YES WE MADE IT.........3 YEARS IS A VERY LONG TIME.........TO WAIT.

I SEEM TO NOW SPEND MOST OF MY LIFE WAITING..........BUT I LIKE IT, IN SOME WAYS.  I AM THE WOMAN AT HOME , WHO WAITS.  IT IS WHAT GOD WANTS ME TO DO AT THIS TIME.  I WAS LAUGHING WITH JIMMY ON THE PHONE, AS I TOLD HIM I WILL CALL MYSELF, "THE PROBLEM SOLVER.".....THAT IS ALL I SEEM TO DO ALL DAY LONG....MAKE CALLS, AND SOLVE A NON-ENDING STRING OF PROBLEMS......FOR MYSELF, AS WELL AS OTHERS........YOU SEE, MANY PEOPLE THROUGHOUT THESE 3 YEARS STARTED TO CALL ME, TO TALK TO ME.......SOME SAY THEY FIND COMFORT TALKING TO ME........SO I AM GRATEFUL TO GOD, THAT HE HAS GIVEN ME ALL OF THIS IN LIFE.......AS I AM DISABLED, AND CAN NO LONGER GO OUT OF THE HOUSE TO WORK, AT LEAST I CAN HELP OTHERS FROM MY HOME, BY JUST BEING ME.......

I JUST GOT A COMMENT FROM "MT.DEW."......in answering you, jimmy will stay at the half-way house for 180 days, and then come home for good.  during that time, he will hopefully have week-end furloughs home, and someone will take me there on Tuesday nights, as it is "family night," and i can see jimmy, and sit and hold his hand.  i found out today, when i called the place he is going to, that if his counslor approves it, we can have a one to one visit.

HOWEVER, IT BOTHERS ME, THAT YOU ARE STILL WORRIED THAT A READER'S COMMENT SAID SOMETHING ABOUT BEING FAT....NOW, YOU ARE BEING CHILDISH!.....FORGET IT!...LET IT GO........A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE "FAT" IN OUR WORLD.....SO WHAT?.......I'M FAT...JIMMY'S FAT..BUT WHO CARES? JUST AS LONG AS YOU EAT THE RIGHT FOODS, AND PORTIONS, AND FEEL ALRIGHT...THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS.  OUR SOCIETY HAS BECOME OBSESSED ABOUT THE WEIGHT ISSUE.  WHEN I WORKED AS AN R.N., I TOOK CARE OF PEOPLE WHO WERE 70 LBS OR LESS....YES, THEY WERE ON THEIR DEATH-BED, DYING FROM CANCER OR AIDES, OR SOMETHING ELSE......WASTING AWAY.........WE AS NURSES MADE SURE WE ATE RIGHT, BECAUSE WE HAD TO BE STRONG TO TAKE CARE OF THE SICK......THAT'S WHY, WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT DIETS, I REMEMBER BACK TO THE TIME I TOOK CARE OF THOSE WHO WERE WASTING AWAY, AND WOULD HAVE LOVED TO GAIN SOME WEIGHT.  JUST TRY AND EAT PROPERLY...THAT'S ALL........AND IF YOU SLIP UP TODAY, WELL JUST TRY AGAIN TOMORROW...THAT'S ALL!

THANKS FOR CONTINUING TO READ MY JOURNAL, AND LEAVING COMMENTS.......

GOOD NITE, ONCE AGAIN!...........FRAN

4 comments:

and9393 said...

Fran, will you close this chapter of your journal after Jimmy is released from the half way house?  You could call your next journal writing Homecoming, Life after Prison.  I have read your listings for a year and a half and prayed for you a lot of times and of course that Jimmy stay safe.  Loved the story about you and Jimmy.
Can,t wait to hear how your next face to face meeting goes.  My husband will be home Friday after being at sea for a couple of  months trying to catch drug runners.  Bless you and Jimmy and congrats on him leaving the prison. Linda

lv2trnscrb said...

great entry, Fran! You've come a long way! Both you and Jimmy. How exciting for this next portion of your life to begin......

betty

mtdewkd1995 said...

Thank you for answering my question! As for my FAT remark it was a joke!!! LOL~Faye

sugar1337 said...

I am glad that your journal with the prison system is coming to a close and that now he will be in a half-way house.