LOGAN HALL.....THINGS ARE NOW LOOKING UP!

HERE IT IS, ANOTHER DAY, AND THINGS ARE LOOKING UP!  JIMMY CALLED ME TWICE, SO FAR, AND HE SOUNDED HAPPY AND OPTIMISTIC!.......HE TELLS ME THAT HIS COUNSELOR, AND THE OTHERS WORKING THERE, ARE REALLY BEING NICE TO HIM, AND TRYING THEIR BEST TO GET THINGS STRAIGHTENED OUT FOR HIM. 

HE HAD HIS "FINAL ASSESMENT INTERVIEW" TODAY, AND THINGS WENT VERY WELL.  HE SAID THE WOMAN INTERVIEWING HIM WAS EXTREMELY NICE TO HIM.......AS HE SAT AT HER DESK, HE WAS AMAZED AT A PLANT, IN A GLASS BOWL, FILLED WITH WATER , IN WHICH A FISH SWAM AROUND!.....IT SAT ON HER DESK........HE REALLY LIKED THAT, AND IT REMAINED IMPRESSED IN HIS MIND, AND SO HE TOLD ME ABOUT THAT LITTLE FISH, AND THAT IF WE PUT THAT IN OUR HOUSE, SURELY MISTY AND JIMBO, OUR CATS, WOULD TRY TO CATCH THE LITTLE FISH, AND EAT IT!

SO IT IS AMAZING WHAT A DIFFERENCE ONE DAY MAKES!

I TOLD JIMMY THAT I WAS UP AT NIGHT, PRAYING TO GOD, ABOUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION..........MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, HE WAS LISTENING LAST NIGHT.........YOU SEE, IT IS HARD FOR ME TO EXPLAIN HERE....IT IS NOT ONLY ABOUT "US," JIMMY AND MYSELF........HIS NOT GOING BACK TO HIS MANAGERIAL JOB IN ATLANTIC CITY, IGA FOODSTORE, WILL AFFECT HUNDREDS OF PEOPLES JOBS.......AT LEAST 200 JOBS WILL BE AFFECTED........AND IT SPIRALS OUTWARD.....THEIR FAMILIES, THEIR CHILDREN......THEIR HOMES, ETC........IT IS A LITTLE TOO COMPLICATED FOR ME TO EXPLAIN HERE........YOU SEE, JIMMY AND I ARE CONNECTED AS ONE.......WE ALWAYS WERE, EVEN BEFORE WE MET, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, INTO INFINITY........THROUGH OUR CONNECTION, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE AFFECTED BY US...........WE LIKE TO HELP PEOPLE FOR THE GOOD............THE OWNER OF IGA, AND THE MANAGERIAL STAFF CALL ME HERE AT HOME, EVERY FEW DAYS, BEGGING TO PLEASE SEND JIMMY BACK TO THE STORE.........WITH HIS EXPERTISE AND MANAGEMENT SKILLS, THEY BELIEVE HE CAN SAVE THE STORE FROM GOING DOWN UNDER...........YOU SEE, PEOPLE ARE WORRIED ABOUT THEIR JOBS....THEIR FUTURE.......THEIR CHILDREN........AND SO, LIKE JIMMY TOLD ME TODAY, "FRAN, YOU AND I ARE LIKE A CONDUIT....A CONDUCTOR, FOR OTHERS.........."................AND THAT IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT.........NOT MYSELF, NOT JIMMY....NOT "US.".....ABOUT OTHERS THAT REALLY NEED US AT THIS TIME..........

AND LAST NITE, WHEN I WAS TALKING TO GOD, I SAW A VISION OF  MANY, MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE.......LOTS OF CHILDREN, WHO ARE IN NEED OF US AT THIS TIME.....AND SO, I PLACED IT IN THE HANDS OF GOD, TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT, FOR HIS PEOPLE..........

YOU SEE, IT IS NOT JUST ABOUT JIMMY COMING HOME, SO WE CAN LAY IN EACH OTHERS ARMS.....YES, THAT IS FINE...AND WE NEED THAT, TOO.........BUT WE ARE ALWAYS CONNECTED, ON THE PHONE, ....ALWAYS WITH EACH OTHER....IT IS VERY STRANGE AND AMAZING.............AND THROUGH OUR STRONG CONNECTION, WE ALWAYS TRY TO HELP OTHERS.........PEOPLE FIND STRENGTH IN US, THROUGH OUR STRONG BOND..........

IT'S VERY HARD FOR ME TO EXPLAIN JUST WHAT IS HAPPENING AT THIS TIME...BUT A LOT ARE DEPENDENT ON US...........

AND SO, THAT IS LIFE....ANOTHER DAY IN THE LIFE OF A PRISONER'S WIFE............AS JIMMY WROTE ME YESTERDAY, "I AM A PRISONER OF YOUR HEART, FOREVER.".....WE ARE BOTH PRISONER'S OF EACH OTHER..........IT IS A WONDERFUL THING, TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT..........WHEN YOU ARE A PRISONER OF ANOTHER PERSON'S HEART AND SOUL, EVEN BEING IN A PRISON MADE OF STONE AND BARS, MEANS NOTHING...........TO BE SO CONNECTED IS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING, ON OUR PLANET......

BEFORE I GO, IF ANYONE IS HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THE PHONE SYSTEM IN LOGAN HALL, AND YOU NEED THE PHONE NUMBER TO SET UP THE PRE-PAY ACCOUNT, JUST E-MAIL ME, AND I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU.........JIMMY HAS GIVEN THE NUMBER TO SEVERAL MEN, WHO ARE WALKING AROUND, NOT KNOWING WHO TO CALL...........E-MAIL ME AT:  CRYSTALMOON222@aol.com

                                    FRAN

LOGAN HALL ADMINISTRATOR...........CLUELESS

ALTHOUGH I'M HAPPY ABOUT LIFE, AND FEEL SO MUCH LIGHTER, I DO HAVE TO FILL YOU IN AS TO WHAT IS HAPPENING AT LOGAN HALL. THE HALF-WAY HOUSE THAT JIMMY IS IN.....

JIMMY IS REALLY NOT HAPPY THERE AT ALL!  HE HAS BEEN THERE FOR OVER 1 WEEK, AND HE IS JUST NOT HAPPY SITTING AROUND ALL DAY, DOING NOTHING PRODUCTIVE.  HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN PLAYING POOL AND TABLE TENNIS, AS THE OTHER GUYS........JIMMY WANTS TO GO BACK TO HIS MANAGER'S JOB, AT IGA IN ATLANTIC CITY........

99 PER CENT OF THE RESIDENTS ARE HAPPY SITTING AROUND ALL DAY "PLAYING," AND JUST HANGING OUT AT LOGAN HALL.  THAT IS HOW DELIQUENT PRISONER BOYS ARE.  MY HUSBAND HAS A HIGH WORK ETHIC, AND HE WANTS TO GO TO HIS JOB............THE MEMBER OF PAROLE , WHOM INTERVIEWED HIM, SAID HE WOULD SEND JIMMY TO A NEAR-BY HALF-WAY HOUSE, BUT SOMEHOW HE WOUND UP OVER 200 MILES AWAY FROM HIS JOB............AND NOW , TODAY HE FOUND OUT THAT THE RESIDENT CAN ONLY GO TO A JOB WITHIN A 25 MILE RADIUS...............WELL, NEED I TELL YOU, MY HUSBAND IS FUMING RIGHT NOW.

HE IS UNAB;E TO SPEAK WITH HIS PAROLE OFFICER, WHO IS AT LOGAN HALL.  HE IS EITHER NEVER THERE, OR JUST IGNORES THE WHOLE SITUATION................I HAVE SENT FAXES, LETTERS, AND LEFT MESSAGES IN HIS VOICE MAIL BOX, WITH NO AVAIL.  SO TODAY, I SENT OUT 4 MORE LETTERS...THIS TIME TO THE SUPERVISOR OF PAROLE, IN TRENTON.  HE IS THE PERSON WHO SPOKE ON THE PHONE WITH ME, BEFORE JIMMY WENT THERE, AND TOLD ME TO CONTACT THIS MAN, AND EXPLAIN THE SITUATION............BUT NO ONE CAN GET A HOLD OF THIS PERSON......EVEN JIMMY'S COUNSELOR HAS TRIED, BUT SHE CAN'T , EITHER....

THE MANAGEMENT AND OWNER OF IGA, ATLANTIC CITY,  HAVE SENT FAXES TO THE PAROLE OFFICER AT LOGAN HALL.........STILL NO ANSWER....NO ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF RECEIVING ANYTHING...........

THIS I FEEL, IS BEING VERY DISRESPECTFUL, TO THE WIFE AND EMPLOYERS OF THE RESIDENT.

ON TOP OF IT ALL, LOGAN HALL SEEMS TO BE A NEW PROGRAM SET UP, FOR THOSE ON PAROLE.  IT IS NEAR TO TALBOT HALL, BUT NOTHING LIKE IT...........LOGAN HALL, I SADLY MUST SAY, APPEARS TO NOT BE MANAGED VERY WELL...............AND TRUTHFULLY, I DON'T THINK THE ADMISISTRATORS HAVE A CLUE WHAT IS GOING ON THERE........

DURING THE DAY, PROGRAMS ARE HELD, HAPHAZARDLY....IF "THEY FEEL LIKE IT."...........THERE IS NO STRUCTURE..........NO CLASSES.........A LIBRARY THAT IS IN A CLOSET, SMALLER THAN MY BEDROOM CLOSET...........

THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL, MODERN TV'S...LIKE 7 OF THEM..........THE GUYS ALWAYS WITH THEIR HEADS IN THOSE TV SETS.......GAME ROOMS.......THEY CAN WALK AROUND, AND GO OUTSIDE..........TREADMILLS, AND OTHER WORK-OUT EQUIPMENT.........SCATTERED ABOUT, IN THE DIFFERENT SECTIONS.........EXPENSIVE STUFF........

JIMMY IS IN A SECTIO CALLED, "HOPE HALL."  HOWEVER THE SITUATION APPEARS TO BE HOPELESS......MY HUSBAND CRRENTLY HAS A VERY GOOD JOB........AND THEY ARE DESTROYING EVEN THAT.......AS EVEYONE KNOWS, T IS USUALLY HARD FOR A MAN WITH A CRIMINAL HISTORY TO GET A JOB, AND HE WAS LUCKY TO GET THE JOB, AS HE IS A WONDERFUL MANAGER, AND HAS EXCELLENT LEADERSHIP SKILLS..........AND NOW, THE PRISON SYSTEM EVEN TRIES TO DESTROY THAT............THE PRISON SYSTEM "SAYS" THEY ARE TRYING TO REFORM THE MEN......BUT IN REALITY, ARE THEY REALLY?.........INSTEAD, THEY SEEM TO BE TRYING TO DESTROY MY HUSBAND'S GOOD JOB.......

GOING BACK TO LOGAN HALL, AND IT'S "COUNTRY CLUB LIFE-STYLE"...............

GOOD!   GREAT!.......WONDERFUL!..........BUT MY HUSBAND WANTS TO WORK........HE WANTS TO GO BACK TO HIS JOB WHICH THE OWNER HAS BEEN HOLDING SINCE DECEMBER 2005, FOR HIM..........

AND NOW, WHAT I WILL TELL YOU, MAY SHOCK YOU ALL.........I REALLY CONSIDERED WHETHER OR NOT TO WRITE THIS HERE.........BUT, I WILL.

THE RESIDENTS ARE SMOKING JOINTS....MARIJUANA....POT...WEED.............WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT, ON THE PREMISES OF LOGAN HALL....NOW, YOU FIGURE IT OUT.............THAT STUFF HAS A STRONG SMELL TO IT..........I JUST WONDER EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON THERE.......

HIS COUSELOR IS A YOUNG WOMAN WHO JUST STARTED THE JOB A FEW WEEKS AGO, AND SHE IS RUNNING AROUND, TRYING TO DO HER BEST..........

2 DAYS AGO, OUR PHONE WAS SUDDENLY BLOCKED......JIMMY CALLED ME FROM THE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE........."GET THE PHONE TURNED BACK ON, FRAN," HE SAID............BUT HOW?........NO ONE INFORMED ME ABOUT ANYTHING..........I CALLED VERIZON, AND GTL, AND SEVERAL OTHER PHONE COMPANIES........I WAS ON THE PHONE FOR 4 HOURS, OR MORE........GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES.............I CALLED LOGAN HALL.  THE PERSON I SPOKE TO , KEPT TELLING ME IT WAS VERIZON.........NO ONE KNEW ANYTHING......I MEAN, TO ME, THIS IS INEFFICIENCY...

I CALLED LOGAN HALL, TWICE, WITH NO AVAIL.....ON THE 3RD TRY, I ASKED TO SPEAK TO THE ADMINISTARTOR OF LOGAN HALL...........HE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING HIMSELF ABOUT THE PHONES...........HE WAS ABRUPT AND RUSHED AND ANNOYED............AND I KNOW HE LIED TO ME, BECAUSE THE ADMINISTRATOR IS AN ITALIAN MAN, AND THIS WAS A BLACK MAN......................HE TOLD ME HE WOULD FIND OUT AND CALL ME BACK WITH THE INFORTMATION...............WELL, I'M GLAD I DIDN'T HOLD MY BREATH, BECAUSE IT IS 2 DAYS LATER, AND HE STILL HASN'T CALLED, AND I KNOW HE WON'T.............LUCKILY, THROUGH MY OWN PERSERVERANCE, I FOUND OUT WHO TO CALL, TO GET THE PHONE TURNED ON, YJROUGH A PRE-PAID ACCOUNT............I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS MESS...BUT, YOU SEE, WHEN MY HUSBAND IS UPSET, AND NOT BEING TREATED RIGHT, I'M RIGHT THERE FOR HIM............

LAST WEEK, WHEN JIMMY ARRIVED, I CALLED LOGN HALL AROUND 10 TIMES TO GET THE PROPER INFO.........I SPOKE TO A MANAGER IN AN OFFICE....HE SAID, I COULD BRING JIMMY'S CLOTHES NY NIGHT, AND HE GAVE ME THE HOURS TO DO SO.  I HAD TO GET A FRIEND, WHO CLOSED HIS FURNITURE STORE EARLY, DROVE 1 HOUR TO MY HOUSE TO PICK UP THE CLOTHES.....THEN, HE DROVE 1 HOUR, 15 MINUTES TO LOGAN HALL, ONLY TO BE TOLD THAT THEY WOULDNOT ACCEPT TH CLOTHES....IT WAS ONLY CERTAIN DAYS IN THE WEEK.........SO, POOR LARRY, HAD TO DO THE SAME THING THE NEXT DAY..........EVEN HE JUST COULD NOT BELIEVE THIS KIND OF INEFFICIENCY........

SO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.........I KNOW YOU WANT TO HEAR THAT EVERYTHING IS ALL PEACHY CREAM, AND ROSES..............BUT IT ISN'T IN THE PRISON SYSTEM...........AND I SAID IT ONCE, AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, ALTHOUGH MANY OF YOU DISAGREED WITH ME............"THE PRISON SYSTEM TRIES IT'S BEST TO DESTROY FAMILIES."

"LOGAN HALL...........JUST WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?"

...........FRAN

 

 

WONDERFUL DAY

HI EVERYONE!.....WELL, LIFE IS JUST ROLLING ALONG!.......JIMMY CALED ME A LITTLE EARLIER, TO WAKE ME UP, AS HE KNOWS I SLEEP LATE......WE TALK MORE THAN EVER, AND HE KEEPS WHISPERING THOSE LOVING WORDS IN MY EAR, ON THE PHONE.......THE PHONE CALLS ARE STILL BEING RECORDED AND MONITORED....SO I GUESS, WE CAN TEACH EVERYONE A THING OR TWO ABOUT LOVE..........MY HUSBAND IS A WONDERFUL, YES WONDERFUL MAN, DESPITE HIS CRIMES

TOMORROW, MARCH 28, WILL BE OUR THIRD ANNIVERSARY, OF WHEN JIMMY WAS PUT IN PRISON......SO THAT MEANS, THAT WEDNEDSDAY, WE WILL BE INTO OUR 4TH YEAR OF THIS PRISON PROCESS.........I'VE ALMOST GOTTEN USED TO IT, YOU MAY SAY.  JIMMY AND I ARE MORE CONNECTED THAN EVER........

I'LL GO OUT NOW, AS IT IS A BEAUTIFUL, SUNNY DAY....I HAVE TO GO TO BUY HIM A CD PLAYER, AND SOME CD'S......THEN TO PAK AND SEND, TO SEND HIM SOME MORE SHIRTS, BATTERIES, AND A FEW THINGS HE NEEDS........

YES, MY DAY IS ALWAYS CENTERED AROUND MY HUSBAND, AND I LIKE IT THAT WAY........AS WE MAKE A GOOD TEAM........AND THAT IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT........INCLUDING MAKING LOVE   :)     (can't forget that!)

                                  Fran

LOGAN HALL

LARRY BROUGHT JIMMY'S CLOTHES AND TOILETRIES TO HIM TONITE....JIMMY CALLED ME ALL EXCITED...HE LOVED EVERYTHING I SENT HIM.....HE SAID I PICKED OUT THE 3 PANTS HE WANTED....HE COULDN'T BELIEVE IT....WELL, I HAD JUST PUT MY HANDS ON THOSE PANTS AS THEY HUNG IN THE CLOSET, AND PULLED THEM OUT.........JIMMY JOKED WITH ME...."ARE YOU REALLY BLIND, FRAN?!"  HE SAID.....WELL, I ALWAYS ANSWER HIM, "WELL THE DOCTOR SAYS I'M BLIND!"..(giggling)

THEY WOULDN'T LET THROUGH A SMALL STUFFED ANIMAL OF "PEEPS," I HAD BOUGHT FOR HIM, BUT HE WAS EXCITED TO GET A ROLL PILLOW, VERY SOFT, FOR UNDER HIS HEAD, IN WHICH I WROTE FRAN AND JIMMY IN A HEART, WITH MAGIC MARKER..........HE GOT THE MAGAZINES......I BOUGHT HIM "GQ," AND SENT HIM "VANITY FAIR".......

HE WAS CHEERFUL AND HAPPY WHEN I SPOKE WITH HIM.......WE TALKED ABOUT 4 TIMES ON THE PHONE. TODAY....THEY ARE COLLECT CALLS, DONE THROUGH THE INSTITUTION, AS THEY ARE BEING RECORDED AND MONITORED....THERE ARE DIFFERENT PROGRAMS AND SESSIONS HE ATTENDS THROUGHOUIT THE DAY, AND IT IS A 6 WEEK ORIENTATION PROCESS HE HAS TO GO THROUGH.

HE WILL MEET WITH HIS COUNSELOR TOMORROW........HE FOUND OUT THAT HE CAN START HIS FURLOUGHS HOME, AFTER I GO THERE TO SEE HIM ON TUESDAY NIGHTS, FOR 4 TIMES. ON FAMILY NIGHT...........SO, I ALREADY SPOKE WITH LARRY, AND HE SAID HE'LL PUT ME IN HIS CAR AND TAKE ME AS SOON AS I CAN START FAMILY NITE VISITS.....WE ARE MOST HAPPY TO DO FAMILY NIGHTS, AS WE  CAN TEACH THE OTHERS A THING OR 2 ABOUT WHAT LOVE IS...WE LIKE TO SET AN EXAMPLE....MANY COUPLES HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF MARRIAGE PROBLEMS, DURING INCARCERATION...THE DIVORCE RATE WHILE IN PRISON IS VERY HIGH.........FOR US IT WAS THE OPPOSITE...WE LOVE EACH OTHER MORE THAN EVER!.......NEWARK IS 1 HOUR 15 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE...........

TALK TO YOU TOMORROW!.................FRAN

LOGAN HALL, NEWARK, NJ

JIMMY ARRIVED YESTERDAY, AT THE NEW PLACE!  HE IS NOW AT LOGAN HALL, THE HALF-WAY BACK HOUSE.  HE ARRIVED YESTERDAY AFTERNOON, AND HAS BEEN CALLING ME EVER SINCE.  HE IS NOW OFFICIALLY ON PAROLE......

HE HAS A SEMI-PRIVATE ROOM...THAT IS, HE SHARES  A ROOM WITH ANOTHER PERSON.  THERE IS AN ORIENTATION PERIOD HE HAS TO GO THROUGH......HE  CAN WALK AROUND, AND THERE IS A SMALL LIBRARY, SO HE IS READING A BOOK.....THERE ARE PROGRAMS THROUGHOUT THE DAY, THAT HE ATTENDS.......

SO NOW, WE ARE ON THE COUNTDOWN TILL HE COMES HOME...........180 DAYS TIL HE CAN COME HOME, FOR GOOD........HE TELLS ME ALL THE MEN IN THIS PLACE ARE ON PAROLE...........THIS A NEW PROGRAM THAT JERSEY STARTED.......SO, INSTEAD OF COMING HOME, THESE PAROLEES GO TO HALF-WAY BACK HOMES.......BELIEVE ME, WE COULDN'T BE LUCKIER WITH WINNING THE LOTTERY!.......MAYBE THIS IS A SIGN THAT WE WILL WIN MEGA-MILLIONS SOON, SINCE OUR LUCK HAS BEEN SO GOOD LATELY!............JIMMY TELLS  ME THAT ALTHOUGH THE PLACE IS CLEAN AND BEAUTIFUL, AND THAT IN THE TV ROOM THEY HAVE SOMETHING LIKE 7 EXPENSIVE TV'S , FLAT-SCREENS.......WHICH COST AT LEAST $1700.00 EACH.......THE LATEST), AND THAT THERE IS A GAME ROOM WITH POOL TABLES, AND THINGS LIKE THAT, MOST OF THESE MEN ARE UNHAPPY, AND HAVE A CERTAIN ATTITUDE ABOUT THEM, BECAUSE, AFTER ALL, THEY ARE ON PAROLE, AND WANT TO BE HOME, NOT IN ANOTHER INSTITUTION...........WELL, I'M GOING OUT NOW.....I'lL BUY SOME LOTTO TIX.........MAYBE WE CAN STRIKE IT ON THE LOTTO, AS WE STRUCK IT WITH JIMMY'S PAROLE   :)

I'LL TELL YOU MORE , LATER!......................FRAN

A MILLION TEARS, A MILLION YEARS....A MILLION MILES AWAY

EVERY DAY SEEMED LIKE A MILLION HOURS LONG....EVERY HOUR A MILLION MINUTES LONG.....IN THE BEGINNING, THE ROAD AHEAD SEEMED UNBEARABLY LONG.....WITH NO END IN SIGHT..............TONITE, I SIT HERE AND THINK, AND REMINESCE...........ABOUT THE BEGINNING DAYS, MARCH 2003, WHEN JIMMY FIRST WAS GONE................I SAT OUTSIDE ALOT.........IT WAS THE SPRING, LIKE IT IS NOW......AND I SAT ON THE PARK BENCHES, AND TALKED TO THE SKY...AND TO THE TREES........AND HEARD THE BIRDS........AND SAW THE SQUIRELLS..................AND I ONLY ASKED GOD, WHY?...OVER AND OVER..........WHEN SOMEONE IS THAT DEPRESSED, THEY CANNOT EVEN FORM WORDS OF HOW THEY FEEL........AND SO THIS JOURNAL SAVED MY LIFE, AND GAVE ME, AS WELL AS OTHERS, STRENGTH TO CARRY ON........................I FEEL THIS JOURNAL IS A BLESSED PLACE.......WHERE OTHERS , ALONG WITH ME FOUND SOLACE.....................

AND NOW, YES WE MADE IT.........3 YEARS IS A VERY LONG TIME.........TO WAIT.

I SEEM TO NOW SPEND MOST OF MY LIFE WAITING..........BUT I LIKE IT, IN SOME WAYS.  I AM THE WOMAN AT HOME , WHO WAITS.  IT IS WHAT GOD WANTS ME TO DO AT THIS TIME.  I WAS LAUGHING WITH JIMMY ON THE PHONE, AS I TOLD HIM I WILL CALL MYSELF, "THE PROBLEM SOLVER.".....THAT IS ALL I SEEM TO DO ALL DAY LONG....MAKE CALLS, AND SOLVE A NON-ENDING STRING OF PROBLEMS......FOR MYSELF, AS WELL AS OTHERS........YOU SEE, MANY PEOPLE THROUGHOUT THESE 3 YEARS STARTED TO CALL ME, TO TALK TO ME.......SOME SAY THEY FIND COMFORT TALKING TO ME........SO I AM GRATEFUL TO GOD, THAT HE HAS GIVEN ME ALL OF THIS IN LIFE.......AS I AM DISABLED, AND CAN NO LONGER GO OUT OF THE HOUSE TO WORK, AT LEAST I CAN HELP OTHERS FROM MY HOME, BY JUST BEING ME.......

I JUST GOT A COMMENT FROM "MT.DEW."......in answering you, jimmy will stay at the half-way house for 180 days, and then come home for good.  during that time, he will hopefully have week-end furloughs home, and someone will take me there on Tuesday nights, as it is "family night," and i can see jimmy, and sit and hold his hand.  i found out today, when i called the place he is going to, that if his counslor approves it, we can have a one to one visit.

HOWEVER, IT BOTHERS ME, THAT YOU ARE STILL WORRIED THAT A READER'S COMMENT SAID SOMETHING ABOUT BEING FAT....NOW, YOU ARE BEING CHILDISH!.....FORGET IT!...LET IT GO........A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE "FAT" IN OUR WORLD.....SO WHAT?.......I'M FAT...JIMMY'S FAT..BUT WHO CARES? JUST AS LONG AS YOU EAT THE RIGHT FOODS, AND PORTIONS, AND FEEL ALRIGHT...THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS.  OUR SOCIETY HAS BECOME OBSESSED ABOUT THE WEIGHT ISSUE.  WHEN I WORKED AS AN R.N., I TOOK CARE OF PEOPLE WHO WERE 70 LBS OR LESS....YES, THEY WERE ON THEIR DEATH-BED, DYING FROM CANCER OR AIDES, OR SOMETHING ELSE......WASTING AWAY.........WE AS NURSES MADE SURE WE ATE RIGHT, BECAUSE WE HAD TO BE STRONG TO TAKE CARE OF THE SICK......THAT'S WHY, WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT DIETS, I REMEMBER BACK TO THE TIME I TOOK CARE OF THOSE WHO WERE WASTING AWAY, AND WOULD HAVE LOVED TO GAIN SOME WEIGHT.  JUST TRY AND EAT PROPERLY...THAT'S ALL........AND IF YOU SLIP UP TODAY, WELL JUST TRY AGAIN TOMORROW...THAT'S ALL!

THANKS FOR CONTINUING TO READ MY JOURNAL, AND LEAVING COMMENTS.......

GOOD NITE, ONCE AGAIN!...........FRAN

JIMMY'S LAST NIGHT IN BAYSIDE PRISON

WELL, THE TIME IS FINALLY HERE!  TONIGHT IS JIMMY'S LAST NIGHT AT BAYSIDE STATE PRISON......HE WILL BE TRANSPORTED, PROBABLY AROUND 5 AM, TOMORROW MORNING, 3/21/2006, TUESDAY,  TO LOGAN HALL, HALFWAY HOUSE, IN NEWARK, NEW JERSEY....

TOMORROW, MARCH 21, 2006, HE IS OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE DOC, AND ON PAROLE.....

I SPOKE TO HIM MANY TIMES TODAY....5 OR 6, I THINK........HE WAS SO HAPPY AND EXCITED.  HE PUT ANOTHER INMATE ON THE PHONE, WHO SAID TO ME, "YOUR  HUSBAND IS WALKING ON AIR!".........EVERYONE SEEMED IN A HAPPY, JOVIAL MOOD!...........JIMMY'S LAST WORDS TO ME, IN THE LAST FEW SECONDS OF HIS CALL WERE,  " FRAN, THIS WILL BE THE LAST CALL I'LL EVER MAKE TO YOU FROM A PRISON."

AND SO, I WAS BUSY TODAY, GETTING HIS THINGS PACKED......I TOLD HIM, "I AM YOUR WIFE, AND I AM THE KEEPER OF YOUR THINGS.  YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE THINGS LOST OR STOLEN, IF I CAN HELP IT."

I ENJOYED DOING IT......PACKING, THAT IS.........5 SHIRTS, 3 PANTS, 1 JACKET, 1 BELT, SOME TIES.....SHOES....TOILTRIES, NOTEBOOKS, PENS AND PENCILS....A FEW MAGAZINES, AND A BOOK  (THE LATIN BOOK, THAT NEVER GOT TO HIM!)...A WALKMAN RADIO, AND A WRISTWATCH

I HAVE EVERYTHING IN 1 CARDBOARD BOX, AND 2 LARGE PLASTIC SHOPPING BAGS.  YOU SEE , THE WAY IT WORKS, IS THAT WHEN LARRY BRINGS HIS STUFF THERE, THE OFFICIALS TAKE OUT EACH ITEM, EXAMINE IT, WRITE IT DOWN, PLACE IT IN THEIR OWN PLASTIC BAG, WHICH WILL BE GIVEN TO JIMMY.  SO, NO SUITCASES OR TOTE BAGS ARE ALLOWED......NO BATTERIES, AND NO CASH................THIS WHOLE THING IS ALWAYS A LEARNING PROCESS FOR ME.......

AS FOR MYSELF, I AM VERY HAPPY, BUT A LITTLE TEARFUL, AT THE SAME TIME....I AM A SENTIMENTAL PERSON, AND THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE MAKES ME CRY......

I CRY FOR A LOT OF THINGS.....NOT ONLY FOR MYSELF, AND THIS PREDICAMENT WE ARE IN, BUT I CRY FOR THE WORLD, TOO.

AND SO, IN A FEW HOURS, JIMMY WILL OFFICIALLY BE ON PAROLE!

IN A FEW HOURS I WILL GO TO BED, AND THINK OF JIMMY.  TOMORROW WE WILL GO TO ANOTHER STEP OF THIS NEVER-ENDING PROCESS...............AS I SAID TO MY HUSBAND ON THE PHONE TODAY,"I LOVE YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY HAVE COMMITTED SOME CRIMES........TO ME, YOU ARE A WONDERFUL, SMART, LOVING MAN, ...DESPITE YOUR WRONG-DOINGS IN THE PAST"........ONE CANNOT HELP LOVE, WHOM THEY LOVE.

SO TOMORROW, LARRY WILL BE AT MY HOUSE AT 6 PM, TO PICK UP JIMMY'S  BELONGINGS AND TAKE THEM TO NEWARK..........IN THE MEANTIME, I WILL BE WAITING FOR JIMMY'S CALL, WHICH SHOULD COME IN AROUND 5PM, GOD-WILLING...A COLLECT CALL.

GOOD-NITE, EVERYONE!.................FRAN

MARCH 18, 2001

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON I WROTE ABOUT OUR THIRD DAY TOGETHER, AND THEN AOL DID SOMETHING, AND IT DISAPPEARED...SO, I'LL TRY AGAOIN.

WE WOKE EARLY IN INDIAN SPRINGS, ON SUNDAY, MARCH 18, 2001.  JIMMY AD I ATE BREAKFAST....PANCAKES, AND THEN WITH HIS 2 FRIENDS WE WENT TO LOOK AT THE PROPERTY, ONCE AGAIN.  I DROVE THEM ACROSS THE HIGHWAY TO THE OTHER GAS STATION, AND CONVENIENCE STORE.  THEN WE DROVE AROUND THE TOWN, LOOKING AT WHERE THE PEOPLE LIVED, AND A NEW SCHOOL.  IF YOU BLINKED, YOU WOULD MISS IT...THAT IS HOW SMALL IT IS.......HOWEVER, INDIAN SPRINGS IS AN UP AND COMING PLACE FOR A FEW REASONS........PEOPLE ARE FEELING CONGESTED AND CROWDED IN LAS VEGAS, AND WANT TO MOVE OUT TO UNPOPULATED AREAS.  ANOTHER REASON, IS THAT THE TRUCKS CARRYING RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL WILL BE PASSING THROUGH INDIAN SPRINGS ON THEIR WAY TO YUCCA MOUNTAIN, WHICH IS NORTH OF INDIAN SPRINGS, TO DISPOSE OF IT.........THIS IS CURRENTLY A BIG ISSUE IN OUR COUNTRY. NOT ONLY NEVADA.  ALSO, INDIAN SPRINGS BORDERS ON THE MILITARY BASE, AND AREA 51.  AT ANY GIVEN TIME YOU WILL SEE MILITARY MEN IN THE RESTAURANT, AND DURING 911, WE WOULD PASS MILITARY TANKS THAT WERE STANDING GUARD, ON THE HIGHWAY, IN FRONT OF THE BASE.  THE BACK OF THE PROPERTY OF THE MOTEL AND RESTAURANT BORDERS THE MILITARY BASE................AND FOR US, INDIAN SPRINGS IS A VERY SPECIAL PLACE ON THIS PLANET,  AS IT IS WHERE WE MET, AND YOU MAY SAY "FELL IN LOVE."

AFTERWARDS, JIMMY AND I WENT WITH THE REAL ESTATE MAN , SAM, FROM SAN FRANCISCO, IN HIS CAR, TO A RESORT AREA CALLED "MOUNT CHARLSTON."  ONE MINUTE YOU ARE IN THE HOT, DRY DESERT...AND IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE 100 DEGREES THAT DAY........THE NEXT MINUTE YOU ARE UP IN THE SNOW COVERED MOUNTAINS, IN THE SKI AREA.  SAM LOVES TO SKI IN SWITZERLAND AND ALL OVER EUROPE, SO HE WAS ESPECIALLY INTERESTED IN SEEING THE SKI SLOPS.  THEN, DRIVING DOWN, GOING BACK TO INDIAN SPRINGS WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT DAY.......FLOWERS, SPRINGLIKE, FRESH AIR, GREEN TREES AND GRASS.....SO BEAUTIFUL!  JIMMY SAT IN THE FRONT, AND I IN THE BACK SEAT..........JIMMY HELD MY HAND THE ENTIRE WAY, AS HE SWUNG HIS HAND TO ME IN THE BACK SEAT......

ONCE BACK TO INDIAN SPRINGS, THEY HELD A FORMAL BUSINESS MEETING TO WRAP THINGS UP.  WELL, I WASN'T USED TO IT.........I QUIETLY SAT THERE, LISTENING TO EVERYTHING, AS JIMMY WANTED ME TO BE A PART OF EVERYTHING FROM THE START.  WELL, THEY WERE TALKING IN 7 FIGURE TERMS...7, I SAID, NOT 6 FIGURES.......NOW, AS FOR ME, I FIND IT DIFFICULT ADDING 2 PLUS 2...........AS FOR JIMMY, HE IS A MATHAMATICAL WIZARD...SO IT IS EASY FOR HIM TO THINK AND CALCULATE IN 7 FIGURE TERMS.......

AFTER THE MEETING, WE ALL CHECKED OUT OF THE MOTEL....I DROVE JIMMY TO THE AIRPORT...HIS FRIENDS TOOK THE OTHER CARS...........DURING THE RIDE, JIMMY TOLD ME THIS HAD BEEN A VERY WONDERFUL WEEKEND, AND THAT HE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME, AND COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT ME.......HIS TALK TO ME WAS VERY SERIOUS.

WHEN WE ARRIVED, I LEFT HIM OFF.....A KISS, AND HE WAS GONE!........JIMMY DOESN'T LIKE OUR GOOD-BYES TO BE TOO EMOTIONAL.........AND SINCE HE KNOWS I AM AN EMOTIONAAL PERSON, HE TRIES TO CUT IT SHORT, BEFORE I WOULD GET OVERLY EMOTIONAL......

WHEN I GOT HOME, THE PHONE RANG.......IT WAS JIMMY.  "FRAN, THERE IS AN 8 HOUR DELAY.  COME AND STAY WITH ME IN THE AIRPORT."......I WAS GONE IN A FLASH.......McCARREN AIRPORT IS ABOUT 10 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE, NEAR THE UNIVERSITY.

I MET HIM AT THE GATE, WITH HIS 2 FRIENDS.  WE WALKED AROUND THE AIRPORT, THEN SAT AND ATE PIZZA...AND LATER WE WENT   TO A COFFEE SHOP FOR LATTE AND CROISSANTS..........THEN WE SAT SIDE BY SIDE, HAND  IN HAND,  SLEEPING ON AND OFF......AT 11 PM JIMMY TOLD ME TO GET UP, AND LEAVE AND GO HOME.  HE ASKED ME TO JUST KEEP WALKING AND TO NOT LOOK BACK AT HIM.....HE COULD NOT STAND ME LOOKING BACK.........I DID JUST AS HE SAID......IN THAT WAY, I DID NOT CRY.  I THINK THESE WERE MY FIRST LESSONS IN LETTING GO OF THE ONE YOU LOVE, AND NOT THINKING ABOUT IT....IN THAT WAY, IF YOU DO NOT THINK, YOU WILL NOT BE SAD.

I WENT  TO SLEEP, AND THE NEXT THING, THE PHONE RANG.  IT WAS JIMMY.  HE HAD ARRIVED IN NEW JERSEY.  "FRAN," HE SAID, "I AM COMING BACK THERE TO MARRY YOU.  I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.  AND I REALLY REALIZED IT THE MOMENT THE PLANE LEFT THE TARMAC."...........I KNEW IN MY HEART THAT JIMMY WOULD CALL ME WITH THOSE WORDS.........HOWEVER, IT WAS ALL SO SURREAL.........

JIMMY CAME BACK 6 WEEKS LATER.......HE HAD TO FIRST TAKE CARE OF HIS BUSINESS IN JERSEY..HE HAD HIS OWN BAILBONDSMAN OFFICE, ALONG WITH A PARTNER......

HE FLEW BACK APRIL 28, 2001.......THIS TIME WITH 2 OTHER FRIENDS.....LARRY AND STEVE.

THE NEXT DAY, WE WENT TO GET OUR MARRIAGE LICENSE.  I RESTED THAT AFTERNOON, AND EVENING.  THEN, JIMMY WOKE ME UP, AND SAID, "LET'S GO GET MARRIED.".................SO, WE WENT DOWNTOWN, AND GOT MARRIED 11:45 PM, JUST BEFORE MIDNIGHT.........THAT WAS HOW JIMMY WANTED IT...HE WANTED AN UNUSUAL TIME.......I WAS HIS FAIRY-TALE PRINCESS, AND HE WAS MY PRINCE........CINDERELLA AT THE BALL!

WE WENT HOME........LARRY AND STEVE WENT TO THE STRIP............JIMMY AND I JUST WANTED TO BE ALONE.....MARRIED AND TOGETHER AT LAST!

THE NEXT DAY, WE ALL DROVE TO PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA........JIMMY HAD COME TO VEGAS WITH A RETURN TICKET IN HIS POCKET TO JERSEY.  HE THOUGHT WE MIGHT HAVE A BI-COASTAL MARRIAGE, FOR A WHILE.  BUT ONCE TOGETHER, HE JUST COULD NOT LEAVE ME......SO, HE STAYED, AND WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER......LIKE 24/7...............AND SO, I GUESS YOU ALL KNOW OUR LOVE STORY BY NOW..........THE REST IS HISTORY.........I FELL IN LOVE AND MARRIED A MAN WITH A CRIMINAL HISTORY, WHO HAD TO GO TO PRISON.....AND SO, THAT'S THE STORY!......TRY AS ONE MAY, YOU JUST CANNOT STOP LOVE FROM HAPPENING...AND SUCH IS THE CASE!                      FRAN

CYNDY SUPPORTS MY ENTRY

CYNDI'S COMMENT IN THE LAST ENTRY SUPPORTS MY ENTRY, WHICH I HAVE BEEN FEELING GUILTY ABOUT, SINCE I WROTE IT....."ONCE AN ADDICT, ALWAYS AN ADDICT."

CYNDI EXPLAINS IT MUCH BETTER THAN I DID.  ONE MAY RECOVER AS AN ADDICT/ALCHOLIC, BUT THEY HAVE TO STAY WITHIN THE RIGHT FRAMEWORK OF FRIENDS, AND SUPPORT GROUPS, BASICALLY FOREVER.  ONCE THEY GO BACK, EVEN FOR A SECOND, THEY MAY MOST LIKELY REVERT TO THIER OLD WAYS OF LIFE........THE LITERATURE SAYS THAT ADDICTIONS ARE GENETIC...SO IT IS DIFFICULT , BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE.  MANY ADDICTIVE PEOPLE EXCHANGE ONE ADDICTION, FOR ANOTHER.......FOR INSTANCE, THEY MAY START DRINKING COFFEE, OR SMOKING CIGARETTES.........

IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, WE ARE ALL ADDICTED TO SOMETHING........IT MAY BE FOOD, OR WORK.........WELL, I'M ADDICTED TO MY HUSBAND!.........ALSO, JIMMY SAYS THAT I'VE BECOME VERY OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE SINCE HE IS IN PRISON.......HE SAYS I WAS THAT WAY SINCE HE FIRST MET ME, BUT I NEVER REALIZED IT............I'M VERY ORGANIZED...I HAVE TO GET THE JOB DONE........I KEEP LISTS AND RECORDS, AND NOTEBOOKS OF EVERYTHING........I WILL WORK ON SOMETHING, UNTIL IT IS DONE AND ACCOMPLISHED, EVEN THOUGH SWEAT MAY BE POURING OUT OF ME, AND I WILL LOSE SLEEP OVER IT.........IF I AM WRITING SOMETHING, I WILL STAY UP ALL NIGHT UNTIL IT IS DONE...............AND SO, THAT'S WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT..........I TRY TO BE A LITTLE MORE FLEXIBLE....WHEN I MET AND MARRIED JIMMY, I LET EVERYTHING GO.......HE IS "THE BRAINS " IN OUR MARRIAGE, SO I LET HIM DO ALL THE FINANCES, ETC..........AND I JUST RELAXED, PROBABLY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, SINCE I HAVE BEEN ON MY OWN FOR 32 YEARS....DOING AND MANAGING EVERYTHING......

HOWEVER, I BECOME FEARFUL OF BEING TOO RELAXED AND FLEXIBLE...THAT I WILL LOSE CONTROL OVER EVERYTHING............SO NOW, JIMMY HAS PROMISED ME THAT I WILL BE THE "RECORD KEEPER," IN OUR MARRIAGE, AND CONTINUE TO KEEP TRACK OF THE FINANCES, WHEN HE COMES HOME.

 

THANK YOU, AGAIN, CYNDI, FOR SHARING YOUR STORY, AND GIVING US SOME INSIGHT ABOUT "ADDICTIONS."..........HOPE YOUR BACK IS FEELING BETTER, AND I ENJOY THE JOKES AND THINGS YOU SEND ME IN E-MAIL....SO MANY MAKE ME SMILE AND LAUGH, AND I SEND THEM TO THE GUYS IN THE PRISON TOO!

I AM CURRENTLY PACKING JIMMY'S THINGS FOR HIM, AND GETTING THEM READY....I JUST LOVE DOING IT........I HAVE ALL THE THINGS HE LIKES......NOTEBOOKS, AND PAPERS, PENS AND COLORED PENCILS AND MAGIC MARKERS........I BOUGHT HIM A WRISTWATCH TODAY, AND A WALKMAN........I BOUGHT HIM A LITTLE TOTE BAG, AND PACKED IT WITH HIS SHAVING GEAR, SOAP, AND ALL THE TOILITRIES.......EVRYTHING NEW, AND SPARKLING........OH, I JUST LOVE JIMMY SO MUCH!  I GOT HIS BELT AND TIES TOGETHER........I ONLY WISH WE WERE GOING OFF TO SOME EXOTIC ISLAND, OR MAYBE PARIS!

................FRAN

ST. PATRICK'S DAY....2001

I'LL CONTINUE MY STORY, ABOUT WHEN WE FIRST MET, 5 YEARS AGO, MARCH 16, IN NEVADA.

AS I TOLD YOU IN THE LAST ENTRY, WE MET IN INDIAN SPRINGS, NEVADA, ON MARCH 16, 2001.  THE NEXT DAY WAS SATURDAY, ST. PATRICK'S DAY.  WE WOKE UP EARLY, BUT JIMMY LET ME SLEEP, AS I'M A LATE RISER.  HE GOT UP AROUND 6 OR 7 AM, AND WENT TO THE DINING ROOM, AND HAD BREAKFAST WITH HIS 2 BUSINESS PARTNERS, WHOM I WILL FROM HERE ON, CALL "FRIENDS."  THEN, THEY WENT AROUND THE PROPERTY, AND LOOKED AT THINGS....IT WAS ACRES AND ACRES...AROUND 27, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY.........THEN, AROUND 10 AM, I AROSE AND GOT DRESSED, AND JIMMY TOOK ME INTO THE DINING ROOM, TO HAVE BREAKFAST...OF WHICH I ONLY HAD A CUP OF COFFEE...AND WE SAT WITH ALL 3, INCLUDING THE REAL ESTATE AGENT...EVERYONE WAS HAPPY, AND TALKING.  AFTERWARDS, WE GOT IN MY CAR, AND I DROVE EVERYONE AROUND, AND WE LOOKED AT THE REST OF THE BUSINESSES, INCLUDING A BEAUTIFUL INDIAN ARTIFACTS STORE, AND A MOBILE HOME PARK. IJIMMY BOUGHT ME SEVERAL THINGS IN THE INDIAN ARTIFACTS STORE, INCLUDING SOME TOURQUISE JEWELRY, AND OF COURSE CRYSTALS...ONE OF WHICH HE KEPT IN HIS POCKET.   WE LOOKED AT THE 2 GAS STATIONS, THE 2 CONVENIENCE STORES, AND THE EXTRA LAND THAT WAS THERE, IN WHICH THEY WERE PLANNING WHAT TO BUILD THERE.  ALSO, THE TRUCK STOP...

AFTER THAT, WE DECIDED TO DRIVE INTO LAS VEGAS.  SO I LED THE WAY, WITH JIMMY BY MY SIDE, HIS 2 FRIENDS IN THE BACK, AND THE REAL ESTATE AGENT, SAM, FOLLOWING IN HIS CAR.  WE GOT INTO LAS VEGAS, AND DROPPED EVERYONE OFF AT THE "BOULAVARD MALL," AS THEY HAD SOME SHOPPING TO DO.  THEN, I TOOK JIMMY TO MY TOWNHOUSE, TO SEE WHERE I LIVED.......WELL, PRINCE , MY DOG, NEARLY ATTACKED HIM, ON THE STAIRCASE, AS HE TRIED TO GO UPSTAIRS.  AFTERWARDS, JIMMY ADMITTED TO ME, THAT THE ONLY POSSIBLE OBSTACLE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, COULD BE PRINCE, AS HE WAS AND STILL IS AN AGGRESSIVE DOG.  HOWEVER, NOW, AFTER SO MANY YEARS, BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER DEARLY, AND IN FACT, PRINCE LISTENS MORE TO JIMMY, THAN TO ME.

AND SO, WE BOTH WENT UPSTAIRS, AND I SHOWED JIMMY THE COMPUTER ROOM, WHERE I WAS TALKING TO HIM FROM, AND HE USED IT FOR A WHILE, TOO.   THEN WE PEAKED IN MY BEDROOM, AND I SHOWED HIM THE COMFORTER I HAD ON THE BED, THAT I HAD RECENTLY BOUGHT, DARK BLUE, WITH YELLOW MOONS AND STARS, ON IT.  HE WAS FASCINATED WITH THAT COMFORTER, BECAUSE I LAID IN BED, AND SPOKE TO HIM ON THE PHONE FROM THERE, AND ALWAYS SAID I WISH HE WERE HERE WITH ME. 

SO, AFTER HE SAW THE HOUSE, WE LEFT RIGHT AWAY......HONEST!.....AFTER ALL, HIS FRIENDS WERE NOW WAITING FOR US.......SO WE PICKED THEM UP, AND THEN WE DECIDED TO DRIVE TO PAHRUMP.

FOR ALL OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW, PAHRUMP IS A SMALL TOWN ABOUT 40 MILES FROM LAS VEGAS.  IT WAS VERY SMALL WHEN I MOVED TO VEGAS IN 1992.  IT HAD NO TRAFFIC LIGHTS, NO SIDEWALKS, ETC., BUT IN THESE PAST YEARS HAS GROWN A LOT.  IT IS THE HOME OF ART BELL, THE RADIO BROADCASTER...."COAST TO COAST."....AND HE ACTUALLY BROADCAST HIS FAMOUS SHOW FROM HIS HOME...HIS SHOW CAN BE HEARD ACROSS AMERICA...HE TALKS ABOUT SUCH SUBJECTS AS THE PARANORMAL, UFO'S , TIME TRAVEL, OTHER DIMENSIONS...CROP CIRCLES, ...ALL THE STUFF THAT MOST PEOPLE THINK IS WEIRD, BUT IN WHICH I ENJOY....HIS SHOWS HAVE GUEST SPEAKERS, MANY OF WHOM ARE WELL KNOWN AUTHORS, SCIENTISTS, AND THEY CAN PROVE ALL OF THESE THINGS SCIENTIFICALLY....SO I FIND IT EDUCATIONAL.

SO, ONCE AGAIN, I LED THE WAY........THROUGH THE BARREN DESERT......TO PAHRUMP.  ONCE THERE, WE STOPPED AT "TERRIBLE'S CASINO," AND HAD LUNCH AT THE RESTAURANT...IT WAS OUR FIRST CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE OF THE DAY!...IT WAS DELICIOUS.  EVERYONE WAS HAPPY, TALKING, JOKING...WE HAD A GREAT TIME.  OF COURSE, EVERY MOMENT JIMMY HELD MY HAND, AND HELD ME CLOSE TO HIM...HE NEVER LET ME GO FOR EVEN A SECOND.........

THEN, WE ALL DROVE BACK TO INDIAN SPRINGS......LATER, WE WERE ONCE AGAIN HUNGRY, AND ALL MET FOR DINNER IN THE RESTAURANT...JIMMY AND I HAD OUR 2ND DINNER OF CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE.....WELL, AFTER ALL, IT WAS ST. PATRICK'S DAY.

WE PLAYED IN THE CASINO, ....I LIKE VIDEO POKER, AND THEN WENT TO REST.  WE WOKE UP, AROUND MIDNIGHT.  JIMMY SAID TO ME, "FRAN, ARE YOU UP TO DRIVING BACK INTO VEGAS, AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT?"..............SO, WE DROVE IN THE PITCH BLACK DESERT, UNDER THE STARS AND MOON, WITH ONLY OUR HEADLIGHTS LIGHTING THE WAY.  IT WOULD NORMALLY BE A LITTLE SPOOKY...BUT WITH JIMMY IT WAS FUN AND ROMANTIC.  I WAS NOT THE LEAST AFRAID...WE WERE THE ONLY CAR ON THE ROAD, FOR THE 35 MILES........OUR CELL PHONE DIDN'T WORK OUT THERE.

SO, WE ARRIVED IN VEGAS....WE WENT TO CHECK ON THE ANIMALS, AND WALK PRINCE.  THEN WE WENT TO KINKO'S, WHERE JIMMY HAD TO MAKE SOME COIES OF DOCUMENTS.....

WE DROVE BACK TO INDIAN SPRINGS, IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT.........2 PEOPLE VERY MUCH IN LOVE..........

ONCE AGAIN WE WENT TO BED, ONLY DREADING TOMORROW, IN WHICH HE HAD HIS FLIGHT BACK TO JERSEY, IN THE LATE AFTERNOON.

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT ENTRY, AS I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT OUR LAST DAY TOGETHER, AND HOW DIFFICULT IT WAS TO PART .

WELL, AS FAR AS TODAY, THE PRESENT DAY....ST. PATRICK'S  2006.........JIMMY CALLED ME ONCE TODAY.  HE GAVE ME A LIST OF SOME MORE THINGS TO GO BUY HIM, WHICH I WILL DO TOMORROW.....A WATCH, A RADIO...ALL OF WHICH KINTOCK APPARENTLY STOLE, WHEN HE WAS SENT TO PRISON...A PAD OF NOTEBOOK PAPER....THINGS LIKE THAT.

JIMMY SOUNDED HIS USUAL HAPPY SELF....I KIND OF FEEL DOWN AND OUT........PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME, IF I FEEL HAPPY, ABOUT JIMMY LEAVING BAYSIDE.  SO I EXPLAINED TO JIMMY, THAT IN REALITY, THE WORD 'HAPPY" DOES NOT EXIST IN MY VOCABULARY.  THAT AFTER 3 YEARS OF GOING THROUGH THIS PRISON PROCESS, I FIND IT HARD TO EXPRESS MANY EMOTIONS.........I HAVE BECOME AN EMOTIONLESS PERSON.  THINGS THAT AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE, LIKE HOLIDAYS, DON'T AFFECT ME ANYMORE, BECAUSE I AM JUST NOT PART OF IT.  SO, WITH JIMMY LEAVING BAYSIDE, FOR ME, IT ONLY MEANS TO BE PULLED FURTHER ALONG, IN THIS PROCESS....IT ONLY MEANS TRANSPORTING HIS CLOTHES, AND PERSONAL ITEMS AROUND THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY, AS THEY PULL HIM ALONG, INSTITUTION TO INSTITUTION........

SO OF COURSE I AM HAPPY HE WILL LEAVE IN 3 DAYS FOR THE HALF-WAY HOUSE, , BUT IT IS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO EXPRESS HAPPINESS.....SOME HERE DEEP INSIDE OF ME, I THINK THERE IS HAPPINESS, BUT I AM AFRAID RO EXPRESS IT, BECAUSE FEAR AND UNCERTAINTY ARE ALSO THERE, HIDDEN AWAY.  I AM, IN REALITY, AFRAID TO BE ME...........I AM ONCE AGAIN LOST....LOST IN THE SYSTEM......UNABLE TO CLIMB OUT, AND GET AWAY FROM IT ALL........SO, I STAY CONNECTED TO JIMMY, BECAUSE HE IS MY ALL AND ALL..............TODAY, I ONLY FEEL DEPRESSED, AND LIKE CRYING.........BUT I CAN'T EBVEN CRY ANYMORE.

IN THAT WAY, I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND, WHO LISTENS TO ME....I DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND ON THE PHONE ABOUT BEING HAPPY, ETC....SOME WOMEN WHO TALK TO THIER MEN ON THE PHONE, CENSOR WHAT THEY TELL THEIR INMATE, AFRAID TO UPSET THEM....BUT THE BEAUTY OF JIMMY AND I, IS THAT I CAN SAY WHAT I FEEL, EVEN THOUGH HE IS IN PRISON.......WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER .

 

AND SO, JIMMY ASKED ME TO PLEASE PUT ASIDE EVERYTHING TODAY, AND JUST GO FOR A WALK OUTSIDE WITH PRINCE.............AND SO, THAT IS WHAT I DID.........BECAUSE JIMMY ASKED ME TO.

FRAN

5 years ago, today

IT IS 5 YEARS AGO, TODAY.....MARCH 16, 2001, THE DAY BEFORE ST. PATRICK'S DAY, THAT I MET JIMMY FOR THE FIRST TIME, IN NEVADA.

JIMMY REMINDED ME ON THE PHONE TODAY...BUT HOW COULD I EVER FORGET ?  I MET HIM AROUND 3:30 PM, IN INDIAN SPRINGS, NEVADA....IT WAS A BRIGHT, HOT SUNNY AFTERNOON, AS IS ALMOST EVERY DAY IN THE SOUTHWEST DESERT.  IT WAS A FRIDAY AFTERNOON.  I WAS SUPPOSSED TO PICK HIM UP AT McCARREN AIRPORT, ALONG WITH 2 BUSINESSMEN FRIENDS...BUT SOMEHOW I MISSED HIM........I HARDLY KNEW WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE, AND HAD ONLY BEEN TALKING TO HIM FOR 2 WEEKS, ON THE COMPUTER AND THE PHONE.  JIMMY HAD COME TO NEVADA TO BUY A BUSINESS......HOTEL, CASINO, RESTAURANT, GAS STATIONS, CONVENIENCE STORES...AND OTHERS...HE WAS, IN FACT, BUYING AN ENTIRE TOWN.......WELL ALMOST THE WHOLE TOWN, BUT NOT EXACTLY ALL OF IT.

SO, I WENT HOME FROM THE AIRPORT, CRYING.  I DIDN'T HAVE A CELL PHONE AT THE TIME  (BUT JIMMY SOON BOUGHT ME ONE, AFTER THAT, BECAUSE HE ALWAYS WANTED ME TO BE IN CONTACT WITH HIM).........AS I GOT BACK HOME, TO MY TOWNHOUSE IN LAS VEGAS, THERE WERE SEVERAL MESSAGES ON THE PHONE, FROM JIMMY.  THEN, IN MINUTES, HE CALLED ME.  HE SAID THAT THE 3 OF THEM HAD RENTED A CAR, AND DROVE THE 35 MILES NORTH OF LAS VEGAS, TO THEIR DESTINATION.  JIMMY HAD THOUGHT I LET HIM DOWN, AND CHICKENED OUT AT THE LAST MOMENT TO MEET HIM.  I WAS CRYING ON THE PHONE.  HE SAID, "FRAN, GET IN THE CAR, NOW, RIGHT AWAY, AND KEEP DRIVING ON HIGHWAY 95 north,  TIL YOU GET HERE."  HE TOLD ME WHERE HE WOULD BE WAITING.  AND SO I DID , JUST AS HE SAID..........AND AS I DROVE, AND THE ROAD TURNED INTO PURE DESERT...I WAS JUST A LITTLE FRIGHTENED, I WOULD SAY.........IF YOU'VE EVER DRIVEN THOSE DESERT HIGHWAYS, YOU'D KNOW WHAT I MEAN...........DESERT ALL AROUND.........BEAUTIFUL PICTURESQUE PURPLE MOUNTAINS ON THE SIDES.......ALL CACTUS........ALL SAND........NO OTHER CARS...NO PEOPLE, NO ANIMALS.......NOTHING.....NO BUILDINGS, NO STORES.........NOTHING.....YOU ARE LIKE THE ONLY ONE ON THE ROAD.....IF YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE, IT DOEN'T WORK OUT THERE..................SO, I DROVE AND DROVE, ALONE, FOR WHAT FELT LIKE FOREVER, BUT IT WAS ONLY 35 MILES............GOING 100MPH, OR MORE, ON THOSE WIDE OPEN ROADS, NO ONE AND NOTHING IN SIGHT.....PAST THE PIUTE INDIAN RESERVATION.....AND THEN PAST THE PRISON  :)          GOING FAST, AND MY HEART BEATING....UNTIL FINALLY, I SAW THE LITTLE LAID-BACK TOWN OF INDIAN SPRINGS ON THE HORIZEN.........I SAW THE MOTEL, AND THE SMALL CASINO......

I MET JIMMY WHERE HE TOLD ME TO..........AT THE FRONT DESK IN THE MOTEL..........THE CLERK, WHO WAS ONE OF THE OWNERS, SMILED AT ME, AND SAID HE WAS WAITING FOR ME TO ARRIVE.  HE TOLD ME JIMMY WAS IN A MEETING WITH THE OWNER, AND WOULD BE OUT SHORTLY.  AFTER 10 MINUTES, OR SO, JIMMY EMERGED FROM A ROOM BEHIND THE FRONT DESK....ALONG WITH ROGER, THE OWNER, AND HIS 2 BUSINESSMEN FRIENDS FROM NEW JERSEY, AND THE REAL ESTATE MAN FROM SAN FRANCISCO,,,,,,I WAS SOOOOOO EMBARRESSED, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!........BUT JIMMY AND I ACTED AS IF WE WERE OLD FRIENDS, AND HE HAD A WAY ABOUT HIM FROM THE START, TO MAKE ME FEEL VERY COMFORTABLE......AND SO, HE TOOK MY HANDS, AND LEANED DOWN , AND KISSED ME......HE WENT FOR MY LIPS, BUT I QUICKLY TURNED MY HEAD, AND HIS KISS LANDED ON MY CHEEK  (TONITE ON THE PHONE, JIMMY REMINDED ME ABOUT THAT!).

AND SO, I MET EVERYONE, AND THEN ONE OF THE BUSINESS MEN, HAD A STOMACH PAIN, WHICH HE WAS BEING MEDICALLY FOLLOWED FOR, AND AS I AM A NURSE, I WENT OVER TO HELP HIM, AND SEE WHAT WAS WRONG...........AND THEN, AFTER THAT, WE ALL SEPERATED, AND WENT TO REST IN OUR ROOMS, AS EVERYONE WAS TIRED FROM THEIR TRIP.  ................AND, THE REST IS HISTORY!  :)

LATER THAT EVENING, JIMMY TOOK ME TO THE RESTAURANT AND WE HAD A NICE STEAK DINNER........EVERYTHING VERY ROMANTIC.  YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, WE WERE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER, AND IN ONE WAY WE FELT WE HAD KNOWN EACH OTHER ALL OUR LIVES...........I NEVER HAD TO PRETEND WITH JIMMY...I COULD BE MYSELF.  AND HE JUST LATELY ADMITTED TO ME, THAT THE ONE THING THAT MADE ME DIFFERENT FROM ALL HIS PREVIOUS GIRLFRIENDS WAS THAT HE "COULD ALWAYS BE HIMSELF WITH ME."

AFTERWARDS, WE PLAYED A LITTLE IN THE CASINO, AND THEN ONCE AGAIN RETIRED TO OUR ROOM.  ............

.........AND BELIEVE ME, IT WAS LOVE, AND MORE LOVE, AND EVEN MORE LOVE, FROM THE VERY START!!!!!!!

..........AND IT WAS SO ROMANTIC, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT, AT NIGHT, WE STOOD OUTSIDE, AND LOOKED AT THE DESERT SKY......THE MOON SO BRIGHT AND NEAR, AND THE STARS TWINKLING, AND SO CLOSE TO US, WE COULD ALMOST TOUCH THEM............AND THE QUIETNESS OF THE DESERT........JUST LOVE IT!...........AND WE WERE 2 PEOPLE WHO HAD FOUND EACH OTHER, AND WERE VERY MUCH IN LOVE..................WE WERE ONE WITH EACH OTHER.......NATURE, GOD, AND THE UNIVERSE........2 SOULS THAT BECAME AS ONE....

AND THAT IS HOW IT ALL STARTED!...........AND TOMORROW I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE DID THE NEXT DAY, ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY................LOOKING BACK, NOT ONLY WAS IT A WEEKEND OF ROMANCE, BUT A VERY INTERESTING WEEKEND, AS JIMMY EXPOSED ME TO A DIFFERENT SORT OF LIFE I REALLY WASN'T USED TO.....THE LIFE OF BUSINESS.....MEETINGS, BUSINESS MEN, AND BUSINESS DEALS.  AND ALTHOUGH JIMMY HARDLY KNEW ME AT THE TIME, I WAS SOMEHOW ALREADY PART OF HIS WORLD....HE LET ME IN ON EVERYTHING........AND SO, NOT ONLY WAS IT ROMANTICALLY A LEARNING EXPERIENCE FOR ME  :)   .....IT WAS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE IN MANY WAYS..........

.............I LOVE YOU, JIMMY.....SO MUCH.........I CAN'T STAND IT......I CAN'T STAND BEING AWAY FROM YOU.............I ONLY WISH NO ONE, NOT ANYONE, WOULD EVER HAVE TO BE AWAY FROM THE ONE YOU LOVE...........THIS IS PUNISHMENT FOR ME, YES IT IS......BEING PUNISHED FOR THE CRIME YOU COMMITTED..........AND SO BE IT.

NOW, I WILL PREPARE JIMMY'S TOILETRIES, IN A CANVESS BAG, AND THEN PREPARE HIS CLOTHES.....5 SHIRTS, 3 PANTS...........TO BE TRANSPORTED NEXT WEEK, BY HIS FRIEND, TO THE HALFWAY HOUSE..........FRAN

 

getting ready

WELL, WE ARE GETTING READY!  PAROLE IS ONLY 6 DAYS AWAY!!!!!!!!  JIMMY WAS CALLED TO THE PAROLE OFFICE, AT BAYSIDE, TODAY, AND HAD TO SIGN HIS "EXIT PAPERS."  WE ARE REALLY EXCITED.

I CALLED THE HALF-WAY HOUSE HE IS GOING TO, TO ASK ABOUT RULES, AND REGULATIONS, ETC, TODAY.

AS FOR ME, LIFE MOVES ALONG, BECAUSE JIMMY KEEPS ME BUSY HERE IN THE HOUSEHOLD, DOING THINGS FOR HIM.  HE HAS GIVEN ME A LONG LIST OF TOILETRIES I WILL GO OUT AND BUY FOR HIM TOMORROW, THAT HE WILL NEED WHEN HE GETS TO THE HALF-WAY HOUSE.  HE HAS SENT ME A LIST OF HIS CLOTHES THAT I MUST SEND TO THE HALF-WAY HOUSE, VIA HIS FRIEND, WHO WILL TRANSPORT THEM THERE. 

AS FOR JIMMY, HE SAYS TIME IS MOVING SLOWLY RIGHT NOW FOR HIM, BUT HE TRIES NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT, BECAUSE THAT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE.

YES, IT HAS BEEN 3 YEARS NOW, THAT JIMMY IS IN PRISON......IN SOME WAYS IT IS A LONG TIME, AND IN OTHER WAYS, IT SEEMS LIKE A SPLIT SECOND.  THE CONCEPT OF TIME, HAS A WAY OF PLAYING GAMES WITH A PERSON'S MIND......

IF SOMEONE ASKED ME 3 YEARS AGO, IF I WOULD HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS FOR 3 YEARS,  NOW GOING INTO 4...I WOULD HAVE SAID, 'IMPOSSIBLE."  EVEN 2 YEARS WAS TOO MUCH, AT THAT TIME FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT......I THOUGHT JIMMY WOULD BE GONE ONLY 5 MONTHS, THEN HOUSE ARREST.

JIMMY HAS ALWAYS SAID TO ME, THAT IF HE HAD TO BE IN PRISON 8 OR 10 YEARS, LIKE SOME MEN, HE WOULD HAVE NEVER MARRIED ME.  HE FEELS IT IS CRUEL FOR A MAN TO ASK HIS WOMAN TO WAIT AROUND FOR HIM, FOR SUCH A LONG TIME.  ....AND YET MEN DO....AND WOMEN CONTINUE TO WAIT..........AS FOR ME, WE ARE MARRIED, AND THAT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.....AND IT DOES, IN THE EYES OF GOD.

I HAVE WRITTEN THIS JOURNAL FOR 2 YEARS AND ALMOST 3 MONTHS.  I HAVE MET MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE ALONG THE WAY. OF WHICH I HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE.  SOME WOMEN, WHOM I BECAME FRIENDS WITH, STARTED OUT "GUNG-HO" FOR THEIR MAN.....THEY TOLD ME HOW MUCH IN LOVE THEY WERE WITH THEIR PRISONER..........GOD BLESS THEM.  AND YET, SOON AFTERWARDS, THEIR ENTHUSIASM FADED AND THEY WERE LEAVING THEIR MAN, AND MOVING ON.   ONE WOMAN TOLD ME, "THIS EXPERIENCE IS KILLING HER."........

AND YES......IT CAN, AND WILL.......IF YOU SO LET IT.  AND AS THE OLD SAYING GOES, "ONLY THE STRONG SUVIVE."

IN THE 3 YEARS OF BEING A PRISONER'S WIFE, I MYSELF HAVE CHANGED....I BELIEVE FOR THE BETTER.  IN THE BEGINNING, ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS KILL MYSELF.......EVERYDAY.  I STOCKED UP ON VIALS OF INSULIN, AND HAD PLANNED TO DO AWAY WITH MYSELF THAT WAY................TO INJECT MYSELF WITH LOTS AND LOTS OF INSULIN.  BY THE WAY, YOU CAN BUY INSULIN WITHOUT A DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION, OVER THE COUNTER, SO IT WOULD BE VERY EASY.

AND THAT'S HOW IT WAS........I LIVED EVERY MOMENT...UNTIL THE NEXT MOMENT............I WAITED FOR THE SUN TO RISE, AND FOR THE SUN TO SET......AND THEN I WAS THANKFUL TO GET THROUGH THAT DAY.......AND THAT DAY WAS DONE AND OVER.....AND GONE FOREVER, AND EVER..............I WOULD NEVER HAVE TO SEE THAT DATE AGAIN.

I LIVED FROM PHONE CALL TO PHONE CALL, FROM JIMMY.  HE WAS MY ONLY LINE TO LIFE, ALTHOUGH HE WAS THE ONE IN A PRISON..........AND HE CONVINCED ME, OVER AND OVER, NOT TO DO ANYTHING TO MYSELF.  AMD I DIDN'T BECAUSE I LOVE MY ANIMALS, AND WITHOUT ME, THEY WOULD LAY HERE AND DIE, TOO, WITHOUT FOOD, AND I COULDN'T DO THAT TO THEM...NO, I JUST COUDN'T....AND THEN I STARTED THIS JOURNAL IN DEC. 2003, AND IT SUDDENLY BECAME MY LIFELINE.  AND I WROTE AND WROTE, MY THOUGHTS.......HERE.

AND AS THE DAYS PASSED, I BECAME A MORE CHEERFUL PERSON.  TODAY, THE PASSAGE OF TIME DOES NOT AFFECT ME, AS IT DID THE BEGINNING........MOST TIMES I DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THE PASSAGE OF TIME, ANYMORE.

I SEE TIME AS A CIRCLE, WITH A MINUT OPENING, WHICH MAKES IT A SPIRAL..........AND THUS, TIME SPIRALS INTO INFINITY...........OUR MAN MADE CALENDER IS LINEAR....I FEEL OUR CALENDER SHOULD BE CIRCULAR, WITH THE CIRCLES TURNING INTO SPIRALS.  WHAT I AM SAYING, IS THAT THIS YEAR IS THE SAME AS LAST YEAR.....EXCEPT WITH A MINUT DIFFERENCE TO IT...........MANY CULTURS , SUCH AS THE AZTECS, HAVE A CIRCULAR CALENDER.......BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN LIFE, AND IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM IS IN CIRCLES, AND CYCLES.........THUS INTO SPIRALS......INTO INFINITY.

SO, AS FOR ME, I DON'T LIVE MY LIFE ANYMORE BY THE CLOCK OR CALENDER........I LOOK UP IN THE SKY, TO SEE WHERE THE SUN IS, TO KNOW THE TIME OF DAY..........I LIVE BY THE TURN OF THE SEASONS...NOT HOLIDAYS, AND SUMMER VACATION........THOSE WORDS MEAN NOTHING TO ME.

I GUESS YOU CAN SAY, I LIVE MORE BY NATURE, NOW, THAN EVER BEFORE............FOR ME, I DON'T SEE IT AS 6 DAYS TIL PAROLE.  I SEE IT AS ONE BIG EXPANSE OF TIME.....TIME FLOWS UNTIL 3/6.............

AND SO, I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH THOSE METAPHYSICAL THOUGHTS          :)

FRAN

monday

JIMMY CALLED ME TWICE AT 1PM....2  FIFTEEN MINUTE COLLECT CALLS......HE EVEN PUT ANOTHER INMATE ON THE PHONE, AND I TALKED TO HIM FOR A LITTLLE WHILE.  WE TALKED ABOUT JAMES REDFIELD AND "THE CELESTINE PROPHECY," WHICH I AM A BIG FAN OF, AND HAVE ALL OF HIS BOOKS.  THERE WILL BE A MOVIE OUT ABOUT IT, VERY SOON. 

SO, JIMMY IS DOING VERY GOOD...HAPPY, AS IT IS ONLY 1 WEEK UNTIL HE IS TRANSFERRED ON PAROLE...HE SAID PAROLE WILL CALL HIM DOWN INTO THE OFFICE IN A COUPLE OF DAYS, TO SIGN HIS RELEASE PAPERS, ETC.

I AM TRYING TO CALL "GTL" PHONE COMPANY, SO I CAN PUT ANOTHER $200.00 IN OUR PHONE PRISON ACCOUNT, BUT I HAVEN'T ANY LUCK TODAY...THE LINES ARE ALL BUSY.,,,,,,

DID ANYONE SEE "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES" ON TV LAST NIGHT.  IT WAS STRANGE, BECAUSE IT WAS KIND OF TO THE TUNE OF WHAT I WAS WRITING ABOUT........BREA IS NOW AN ALCOHOLIC, AND SAYS SHE IS A 'RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC," AND GOES TO THE AA MEETINGS ON FRIDAY NIGHTS.  THEN , AFTER SHE COMES HOME FROM THE AA MEETING, SHE STARTS DRINKING.......

I MISSED THE "SOPRANO'S" , BECAUSE OF THE CONFLICT OF TIME.  HOWEVER, I CAN WATCH IT ON "ON-DEMAND," AND WILL DO SO LATER.

I'M NOW READING, SYLVIA BROWN'S LATEST BOOK...I BOUGHT IT AT WALMART THE OTHER DAY........IT IS CALLED "IF YOU COULD SEE WHAT I SEE."  IT IS ON THE BEST-SELLAR LIST.  I AM A FAN OF SYLVIA BROWN, AND HAVE ALL HER BOOKS.

YESTERDAY, I WAS FIXING UP THE "COMPUTER ROOM."  I BOUGHT 2 MORE BOOKCASES, (THAT IS, 8 SHELVES), AND PUT OUT ALL THE BOOKS I HAD IN BOXES.  I FEEL BETTER BEING SURROUNDED BY THE BOOKS I LOVE.  JACKIE KENNEDY ONASIS WAS LIKE THAT...SHE DIED , IN HER NEW YORK APT., IN HER BEDROOM, SURROUNDED BY THE BOOKS SHE LOVED...MANY WERE SPIRITUAL BOOKS

WELL, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SPRING DAY, AND I WILL NOW GO OUTSIDE AND WALK AROUND THE CIRCLE I LIVE ON......

............FRAN

SOME THOUGHTS FOR A SUNDAY

HI EVERYONE!

JIMMY CALLED ME TWICE TODAY, AND I'M WAITING FOR HIS THIRD CALL, IN A LITTLE WHILE.  WE ARE BOTH REAL EXCITED ABOUT HIS PAROLE ON 3/21, WHICH IS NOT THIS TUESDAY, BUT THE NEXT....HE SENT ME A LIST OF HIS CLOTHES, AND I WILL CALL HIS FRIEND, WHO WILL TAKE THEM TO THE HALF-WAY BACK HOUSE, WHEN HE GETS THERE.

WE HAVE SO MUCH TO  BE THANK-FULL FOR.........NOT ONLY EACH OTHER, BUT SO MANY THINGS IN LIFE...........I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN ACHIEVER IN LIFE, AND CONTINUE TO DO SO, AS WELL AS JIMMY....WHO DESPITE HIS CRIME, HAS ALWAYS ACIEVED AND STILL ACHIEVES GREAT THINGS......I AM BLESSED TO BE HIS WIFE.

AS FOR ME, I WILL CONTINUE WITH MY PURSUIT OF A DOCTORAL DEGREE AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, TEACHER'S COLLEGE, NEW YORK.  I HAVE ALREADY BEEN ACCEPTED, AND NEED TO START DOING MY  COURSE WORK. MY DOCTORATE RIGHT NOW, IS IN "NURSING EDUCATION AND RESEARCH," BUT AFTER GOING THROUGH THIS EXPERIENCE, I MAY CHANGE IT TO A SOCIAL STUDIES DEGREE, AND DO RESEARCH IN THE FIELD OF "THE WIVES AND CHILDREN OF PRISONERS."  MUCH RESEARCH AND STUDY IS NEEDED IN THIS AREA OF LIFE, AS I HAVE LEARNED THROUGH THESE 3 YEARS OF BEING A PRISONER'S WIFE.  ANOTHER POSSIBILTY, COULD BE "INTERNATIONAL HEALTH, AND DO STUDIES IN HEALTH CARE, ON A WORLD-WIDE BASIS (OR WORLD HUNGER, OVER-POPULATION, AND DISEASES LIKE AIDS).  THERE IS A LOT OUT THERE....SO MUCH TO DO RESEARCH ON...SO MANY PEOPLE TO HELP ON A NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL LEVEL.......

ONE READER OF THIS JOURNAL ASKED ME, HOW DO I DEAL WITH PEOPLE WHO TELL ME NOT TO WAIT FOR MY HUSBAND JIMMY, WHILE HE IS IN PRISON?  WELL, I TRUTHFULLY NEVER CAME ACROSS A PERSON LIKE THAT, BECAUSE JIMMY IS A WONDERFUL MAN, WHO SIMPLY COMMITTED A CRIME.  EVERYONE LOVES MY HUSBAND.  NO ONE EVER TOLD ME TO LEAVE HIM.  JIMMY IS NOT A JUNKIE, AN ALCOHOLIC, ...HE IS NOT A THIEF, A ROBBER, OR ANY TERRIBLE THING......HE IS A REFINED, INTELLIGENT MAN.  AS FOR ME, YOU SEE, I WORKED WITH DRUG ADDICTS AND ALCOHOLICS, AND AIDS PATIENTS FROM THE STREET....JUNKIES, THAT IS.......THE WORST, FROM THE STREETS OF HARLEM, AND NEW YORK CITY.  AND ON TOP OF IT ALL, THE MAN I LIVED WITH, BEFORE JIMMY, WAS A PROFESSOR, BUT HE TOO WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AND LATER DRUG ADDICT....CRACK ADDICT, AND I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE OTHER THINGS , TOO.  AND THAT MAN WAS A PhD GRADUATE OF COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY...YES, HE HAD A DOCTORATE.  AND HE TAUGHT IN SOME OF THE BEST UNIVERSITIES IN OUR COUNTRY....FAIRLIEGH DICKINSON, MONTCLAIR, PRINCETON, UNLV, KEAN, RUTGERS...AND OTHERS.  AND I WAS WITH HIM, THROUGH REHAB THE FIRST TIME AROUND.......HE DID HIS DETOX JUST FINE.......OH YES, HE WAS JUST FINE........HE WAS OUTSTANDING IN HIS PROGRAM...........HE COULD NOT STAND THE SMELL OF LIQUOR...NO MORE DRUGS......AND YES, HE TURNED TO GOD.  DID HIS 12 STEP PROGRM. HE CAME TO CHURCH WITH ME ALL THE TIME...THE PRIEST S JUST LOVED HIM.  AND YES, MY FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS, IT LASTED A NICE 8 YEARS. 

AND THEN SUDDENLY, AFTER WE WERE LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, I SMELLED ALCOHOL ON HIS BREATH.  AND THEN THE LIES STARTED.......HE WAS A SNEAKY, AT HOME DRINKER.........AND ABOUT THE CRACK, HE SAID IT WAS ONLY RECREATIONAL..........UNTIL HE BECAME VIOLENT, TOWARDS ME, AND MY LIFE WAS IN DANGER.........AS HE THREW THINGS AT ME....TARGETED MY HEAD, WITH HEAVY OBJECTS.....KNOCKED OUT SOME TEETH, AND WAS SETTING FIRES EVERY MINUTE.  AND I WAS FRIGHTENED BECAUSE I HAD AN RN LICENSE , AND A MORTGAGE TO PAY, AND BILLS...AND I WAS SCARED THAT ONE DAY THE COPS WOULD COME IN THE HOUSE AND SEE ALL HIS CRACKED GLASS PIPES THROWN AROUND......AND I WOULD BE THE ONE LOCKED UP, EVEN THOUGH I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.........AND I CAN STILL SMELL THAT SWEET SMOKE OF CRACK, WHICH PERMEATED THE ENTIRE HOUSE........I FEEL TO VOMIT EVEN TO THINK ABOUT IT NOW,,,,,, AND NO MATTER HOW I BEGGED, HE WOULDN'T STOP. AND THINGS GOT WORSE, UNTIL HE WENT TO CALIFORNIA, TO THE BETTY FORD CLINIC, AND I MET AND MARRIED JIMMY IN THAT PERIOD OF TIME.

SO, I KNOW YOU READERS DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY NOW....YOU CAN ARGUE BACK WITH ME, BUT I'LL SAY IT ANYHOW........."ONCE AN ADDICT, WHETHER IT BE DRUGS, OR ALCOHOL, ALWAYS AN ADDICT."

SO WHEN YOUR MAN IS IN PRISON, AND YOU THINK HE IS REFORMED, AND WILL NEVER DO DRUGS AGAIN, YOU'D BETTER THINK ABOUT IT, BECAUSE MOST STATISTICS SAY HE WILL START AGAIN, EVEN IF IT TAKES YEARS........

THINK ABOUT IF YOU WANT TO WAIT FOR YOUR DRUG ADDICT, AND IF IT'S WORTH RUINING YOUR WHOLE LIFE........

OK, YA ALL.....I'M WAITING FOR YOU HEAD ON!   LOL.........COME ON AND GIVE IT TO ME....I KNOW YOU HATE ME FOR SAYING THIS............BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH.  ......................IF YOU THINK YOUR DRUG ADDICT, OR ALCHOLIC WILL REFORM, I'M TELLING YOU, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME...............FRAN

SUNNY DAY!

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SPRING-LIKE DAY HERE, IN NEW JERSEY!  I HAVE THE WINDOWS AND DOORS OPEN, LETTING IN THE FRESH AIR, AND SUNSHINE...LETTING GO OF THE COLD MEMORIES OF WINTER.........IT'S 65 DEGREES, AS THEY JUST SAID IT ON THE RADIO....

JIMMY CALLED ME FIRST THING THIS MORNING, AT 10 AM, TO WAKE ME UP, AND SAY HE LOVES ME!.....HE'LL CALL NEXT AT 1PM.  THE CALLS AT BAYSIDE ARE LIMITED TO $38 PER DAY, AND $150 PER WEEK.  THE 15 MINUTE CALLS ARE $9.00 each....WELL, JUST AS LONG AS WE HEAR EACH OTHERS VOICE, IS IMPORTANT TO US.  THE NICE PART IS THAT THE CALLS ARE VERY LOUD AND CLEAR, AS IF WE ARE IN THE SAME ROOM....THE CALLS FROM SOME PRISONS, ONE CAN HARDLY HEAR ANYTHING.

JIMMY HAD A VISITOR THIS MORNING, ONCE AGAIN.....ONE OF THE OWNERS OF THE FOODSTORE IN WHICH JIMMY IS EMPLOYED AS A MANAGER, WENT TO SEE HIM.  THEY ARE HOLDING JIMMY'S JOB, SINCE KINTOCK SENT HIM BACK TO PRISON, IN DECEMBER....THEY DESPERATLY NEED JIMMY BACK, AS HE HAS WONDERFUL MANAGERIAL AND LEADERSHIP SKILLS, AND CANNOT FIND A REPLACEMENT.  SO, HIS VISITOR STAYED FOR 2 HOURS, AND HE WAS HAPPY ABOUT THAT!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR OPINIONS AND COMMENTS...THE LONGER THE COMMENT THE BETTER.  I LIKE TO SEE PEOPLE OPEN UP THEIR MINDS AND SOULS ABOUT THIS "PRISON TOPIC."  I AM HAPPY THAT THE PEOPLE OUT THERE HAVE SOME SAY AND VOICE IN THIS SUBJECT, WHICH IS USUALLY LEFT UNSPKOKEN ABOUT IN THE GENERAL POPULATION.  YOU SEE, IN THE PAST, PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SCARED AND HIDDEN AWAY, WHEN IT COMES TO OPINIONS ABOUT PRISONS AND PRISONERS.  I PERSONALLY BELIEVE THAT IS WHY THERE IS A PROBLEM TODAY, IN OUR SYSTEM....BECAUSE NOBODY WILL STAND UP TO IT, AND TRY TO CHANGE CERTAIN THINGS, AND MAKE THINGS BETTER..........

IN RESPONDING TO YOUR COMMENTS, I WILL REPEAT AGAIN, JIMMY COMMITTED A CRIME, AND HE ADMITS IT, AND I DO TOO.  JIMMY ACTUALLY "TURNED HIMSELF IN" IN A COURT, IN FRONT OF HIS JUDGE  (I THINK THERE WERE 3 JUDGES), ON MARCH 28, 2003.  HE ADMITTED HIS WRONGDOINGS, AND HAS REPEATEDLY SAID HE WAS WRONG AND COMMITTED A CRIME, AND THAT HE IS SORRY FOR WHAT HE DID, AND WANTS TO CHANGE HIS LIFE AROUND.  BEFORE JIMMY MET ME, HE WAS A BAILBONDSMAN, AND THE PEOPLE HE MOVED AROUND WITH WERE VERY ROUGH, HARD-CORE PEOPLE....THEY WENT TO OTHER STATES SEEKING CRIMINALS, WHEN THEY JUMPED BAIL....JIMMY WENT TO JAILS AND PRISONS FOR I BELIEVE 12 YEARS, BAILING PEOPLE OUT.  HE HAD HIS OWN BUSINESS, AND WAS A WELL-KNOWN BONDSMAN IN THIS AREA.  SO, I GUESS, HE THEN GOT CONNECTED WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE.  AND YES, HE WAS INVOLVED WITH DRUGS....MARIJUANA .....HE HIMSELF NEVER TOOK A DRUG IN HIS LIFE.  AND SO THEY CALL HIM THE "KINGPIN," FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD.....AND THAT WORD MAKES ME SHIVER, BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS....AND IT IS IN THE PAST.............I NEVER SAID JIMMY SHOULD NOT GO TO PRISON.  HOWEVER, I TELL YOU THE SADNESS OF IT, BECAUSE AT THE TIME, WE HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR ONLY 2 YEARS, AND IT WAS LIKE A NIGHTMARE TO BE SEPERATED FROM THE ONE YOU LOVE.  JIMMY AND I COULD HAVE RUN AWAY, IF WE WANTED TO, BUT WE BOTH DECIDED TO DO THE RIGHT THING, AND GO TO PRISON, AND TRY TO CLEAR THINGS UP IN LIFE........

AND YES, I SUFFER WHILE MY HUBAND IS IN PRIISON, AS HE SUFFERS BEING IN A PRISON.........HE IS NOT A FREE MAN......

AND SO, THAT'S WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT.  AND YES THE DRUG PROBLEM IN OUR COUNTRY....YES, IT'S A BIG PROBLEM...BIGGER THAN LIFE ITSELF....AND NO ONE SEEMS TO BE ABLE TO STOP IT.........NO GOVERNMENT, NO PRESIDENT.......NO ONE..........AND IT ALL STARTS IN OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD, WITH DRUG CARTELS.....OT IS A MASSIVE INDUSTRY.........AND YOU ALL KNOW IT, IF YOU WATCH THE NEWS, AND KEEP UP WITH THINGS IN LIFE....OR WATCH THE MOVIES, FOR THAT MATTER.

AND YES, AS ONE PERSON SAID, IT IS REALLY UP TO THE PARENTS.  IF AND WHEN I HAVE A CHILD ONE DAY, I WILL KEEP TOUGH CONTROL OVER THAT CHILD....I WOULD NOT PUT HIM IN THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM......MAYBE PRIVATE SCHOOL, OR BETTER YET, HOME SCHOOLING........EXPOSING THAT CHILD TO CULTURAL THINGS, AND THE BEUTY OF LIFE.........ART, MUSIC.  I WOULD NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER, SEND HIM OFF TO SCHOOL SO HE CAN GET DRUGS AND GUNS TO BE POPULAR WITH THE OTHER CHILDREN.......SO THAT IS MY OPINION.

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR OPINIONS.......I APPRECIATE EVERY ONE OF THEM.......

THIS JOURNAL HAS MADE ME AWARE THAT THE FAMILIES AND PEOPLE IN AMERICA HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THE PRISON SYSTEM.  WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT HERE, BUT MAYBE IT IS TIME THAT OUR LOCAL, AND FEDERAL GOVERNMENTS DO SOMETHING TO ADDRESS THE ISSUES OF THE OPINIONS AND CONCERNS OF THEIR CITIZENS.......

..........FRAN

JIMMY CALLED

HI EVERYONE!

JIMMY 'S CALL CAME THROUGH AT 5:30 pm.......WE ARE SO HAPPY AND EXCITED TO FINALLY TALK AFTER SO LONG!.........WE HAD 2 15 MINUTE CALLS, AND HE WILL CALL ME ONCE AGAIN IN A LITTLE WHILE..........HE SOUNDED SO GREAT, AND SO HAPPY!.........I COULD HEAR ALl THE GUYS AROUND HIM...EVERYONE EXCITED THAT HIS PIN NUMBER FINALLY WORKED!....ALL THE GUYS WANTED TO GET ON THE PHONE AND TALK TO ME, TOO!.....I DID TALK TO ONE GUY FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES, WHO WAS VERY NICE. 

JIMMY'S FIRST WORDS TO ME WERE, "MY GOD YOU SOUND SO GOOD!"

AND SO, WE DID A LOT OF CATCHING UP, AND LOVE TALK...BUT I KNOW THERE WILL BE A LOT OF LOVE TALK IN THE NEXT CALL, BEFORE WE GO TO SLEEP........

JIMMY TOLD ME HE IS NOT IN A CELL, BUT IS IN A PLACE CALLED "THE TRAILORS," WHICH IS IN BAYSIDE MEDIUM PRISON.......THERE ARE SEVERAL TRAILORS PUT TOGETHER, AND THERE ARE CUBICLES, WITH BUNK BEDS....SO HE IS IN AN AREA WITH A LOT OF OTHER MEN..........HE HAS A SMALL JOB, GIVING OUT PAPERS TO THE INMATES..........HE IS FRIENDLY WITH ROBERT, THE INMATES MOTHER THAT WAS CALLING ME, AND THE COMMUNICATOR BETWEEN JIMMY AND MYSELF.......ROBERT WORKS IN THE KITCHEN, AND GIVES JIMMY EXTRA FOOD!   :)         WELL, AFTER ALL...I HAVE A BIG HUSBAND WHO LIKES TO EAT!

AND SO, THAT'S ABOUT IT..........LIFE MOVES SMOOTHLY ALONG......ALL IN PEACE AND HARMONY.  EVERYTHING IN IT'S PLACE AND TIME........

JIMMY LOOKS FORWARD TO BEING MOVED TO THE HALF-WAY BACK HOUSE ON 3/21...THAT IS ONLY 10 DAYS AWAY......

...............OK...I JUST NOW SPOKE THE THIRD TIME WITH JIMMY....HE IS SO HAPPY AND POSITIVE.....I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!...............HE'LL CALL AGAIN, TOMORROW AT 1PM....HE TOLD ME THAT THROUGHOUT THE DAY, HIS WEDDING BAND GETS VERY HOT....SO HOT THAT HE TAKES IT OFF FOR A WHILE....PEOPLE TELL HIM IT'S THE ENERGY I SEND HIM............AND RIGHT NOW, I'M FEELING A LITTLE WEAK...DRAINED OUT, AND WILL GO LAY DOWN.......

FIRST, HOWEVER, I WOILD LIKE TO SAY TO "MTDEW," THAT NO ONE IS PICKING ON HER, AND TO JUST CALM DOWN.  SHE IS ENTITLED TO HER OPINIONS, AS OTHERS ARE TOO.  I HAPPEN TO LIKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, AS YOU ARE A CHALLENGE FOR ME.  YOU SEE, I BELIEVE YOU NEED A LOT OF LOVE AND GUIDANCE IN THIS WORLD....YOU ARE BASICALLY A VERY LOVING AND GIVING PERSON, AND YOU ARE IN A LOT OF PHYSICAL PAIN, AND THAT DISTRESSES YOU MOST OF THE TIME...YOU FEEL THE WORLD DOES NOT UNDERSTAND YOU, AND YOUR PHYSICAL PROBLEMS ARE A BURDEN TO YOU............YOU LOVE CHILDREN, AND ARE HAPPY TO BE AROUND THEM...LEARN TO RELAX MORE, AND DO NOT FEEL THE WORLD IS "OUT AFTER YOU."   THE WORLD IS HERE, TO HELP YOU THROUGH YOUR JOURNEY....YOU NEED TO BE TOLD OVER AND OVER AGAIN, THAT YOU ARE LIKED, AND LOVED.  YOU NEED TO BE PRAISED FOR WHAT YOU DO ON A DAILY BASIS...YOU LACKED PRAISE AS A CHILD, AND SO YOU BEAR SUFFERING AS AN ADULT, THROUGH PHYSICAL DISABILITIES.  AND SO,WE WILL SEND BLESSINGS TO YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR MARRIAGE....AND PRAY THAT ALL GOES VERY WELL FOR YOU.

WE CAN TALK HERE, AND GIVE OUR OPINIONS, BUT PLEASE NO FIGHTING........I DON'T LIKE HATRED, AND I DON'T LIKE ARGUEMENTS, AND CONTROVERSY..............MAY THIS JOURNAL REMAIN A PLACE OF PEACE, COMFORT, AND JOY FOR THOSE THAT STOP HERE, ON THEIR JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE....................................Fran

Thank you

THANK YOU, "CCOMECULO!"  THANK YOU FOR DEFENDING ME, IN THE LAST ENTRY, AND TELLING   "MTDEWKD1995" OFF.........EVERYONE, PLEASE GO AND READ THE COMMENTS IN THE LAST ENTRY!

CCOMECULO SAYS , "LOOK IN THE MIRROR, AND IF YOU ARE ONE WITHOUT ANY SINS, THEN YOU CAN CAST THE FIRST STONE.".............."NO ONE EXPECTS SYMPATHY FROM YOU OR ANYONE."

WHAT BOTHERS ME ABOUT THIS WOMAN'S COMMENT ( mtdewkd1995), IS THAT SHE HAS A FRIEND WHO IS A PRISON GUARD, AND HE SAYS, "YOU PUNISH THE WHOLE FAMILY, AND IN THAT WAY THEY STOP AND THINK TWICE BEFORE THEY DO SOMETHING DUMB AGAIN"............I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT ANYONE WOULD EVEN SAY THIS, AND HAVE THE BALLS TO WRITE IT IN A COMMENT.  THIS ONLY SHOWS YOU THE VERY LOW MENTALLY NOT ONLY OF THE PRISON GUARD, BUT OF THE WRITER, TOO.............

BY HER PIX IN HER PROFILE, I THINK SHE HERSELF MAY BE A PRISON GUARD TOO...........BUT AFRAID TO SAY IT.

THE FAMILY IN MOST CASES, HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CRIMINAL'S CRIME.   I CAN SPEAK FOR MYSELF, AND JIMMY COMMITTED HIS CRIME BEFORE HE EVER MET ME........SO, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HIM AT THE TIME OF HIS CRIME..............

OH YES, I'M PAYING FOR IT TOO, BUT I NEVER ASK FOR ANYONE'S SYMPATHY.....THE PURPOSE OF THIS JOURNAL WAS, AND STILL IS "TO HELP OTHERS GET THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT TIME."...........NOT FOR OTHERS TO "FEEL SORRY."

I GUESS I'M JUST ONE OF THE "FEW WOMEN" IN OUR COUNTRY WHO JUST HAPPEN TO NOT ONLY LOVE MY HUSBAND, BUT TO "BE IN LOVE WITH HIM."

IF YOU EVER MET US, WE WOULD BE THE 2 PEOPLE IN THE ROOM WHO ARE HAPPY, AND SMILING...........AND ALL AGLOW WITH LOVE FOR EACH OTHER.........AND FOR THOSE AROUND US............THAT IS JUST HOW WE ARE!

JIMMY AND I HAVE A HAPPINESS ABOUT LIFE, THAT GLOWS FROM WITHIN US, AND RADIATES TO OTHERS.....IT JUST COMES NATURALLY...............AND IF I CAN TEACH ANYONE READING THIS JOURNAL, ONE THING, I WOULD LIKE TO TEACH THEM THE IMPORTANCE AND STRENGTH OF LOVE AND DEVOTION.................

I'M NOT GOING TO BLOCK YOU, AS YOU SAID.........I ENJOY LISTENING TO THE THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS OF OTHERS...........AND IT IS PEOPLE LIKE YOU, WITH "STUNTED, BACKWARD THOUGHTS," THAT MAKE ME REALIZE THAT EACH ONE OF US, AS INDIVIDUALS, ON THIS PLANET, NEED TO HELP CHANGE THESE THOUGHTS OF PEOPLE LIKE THIS...........THEY ARE OF A VERY LOWER THOUGHT PROCESS, AND WE NEED TO LIFT THEM UP, SO THEIR MINDS WILL EXPAND...........AND THE WAY TO DO THIS IS THROUGH LOVE, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, EVEN THOUGH IT IS VERY HARD AT TIMES..................FRAN

hello

i just spoke with the telephone lady, at t-netix's...she said she got jimmy's paperwork yesterday.  now, mind you, the social worker went to see him last week, on wed., to tell him to re-submit the paperwork.  it is over 1 week later.  she said his phne will probably be turned on by tomorrow, friday, at the end of the business day....

it is only 11 more days till he leaves for the half-way house.

despite living in an age of computers, advanced technology, space travel, etc, the "system" we live in is a slow-moving, antiquated one, unfortunately, and the prime example is the prison system...

i'll be going to a doctor's appointment , now.

march 6th

TODAY IS MARCH 6TH...THE ACTUAL DATE OF JIMMY'S PAROLE.  I HAVE THE OFFICIAL PAPERS, AND DOCUMENTATION HERE WITH ME, AT HOME, FROM THE PAROLE BOARD, THAT JIMMY SENT ME.  IN 14 MORE DAYS, HE'LL BE TRANSFERRED TO THE NEXT FACILITY.  I THOUGHT WHEN SOMEONE IS ON PAROLE, THEY GET TO COME HOME.  BUT NOT IN OUR CASE.  SO, I SIT HERE, ALONE....,WONDERING.........JUST ANOTHER DAY.  NO PHONE CALLS YET...I CAN'T EVEN HEAR HIS VOICE......."SACRIFICE," IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT FOR ME...........BEARING THE CROSS, YOU MAY SAY.

ALTHOUGH I MAY HAVE ALL THE COMFORTS OF LIFE, I HAVE NOTHING, IF I DON'T HAVE MY HUSBAND.......

AND SO, HE HAS ALWAYS SAID IT ABOUT ME......."FRAN, IF YOU ARE NOT THERE, I DON'T WANT TO GO ON LIVING.....LIFE IS NOTHING WITHOUT YOU.  YOU ARE MY WHOLE LIFE."

YESTERDAY, ONE OF THE OWNERS OF THE GROCERY STORE WHERE JIMMY IS EMPLOYED WENT TO VISIT HIM AT BAYSIDE.....HE STAYED FOR A FEW HOURS..........EVERYONE LIKES MY HUSBAND SO MUCH......

I KNOW HOW JIMMY IS RIGHT NOW, AND I CAN SEE HIS FACE, AND I PLAY THE PHONE ANSWERING MACHINE OVER AND OVER TO HEAR HIS RECORDED VOICE, AND MESSAGES......"HEY, BABY, IT'S JIMMY!".........."BABY, ANSWER THE PHONE!"............."HEY WIFEY, IT'S YOUR HUSBAND!"........AND SO THE MESSAGES GO ON.......

YES, JIMMY IS THERE, RIGHT NOW, AT BAYSIDE,  SMILING, HAPPY, TALKING OR READING, OR WRITING.......ALWAYS OPTIMISTIC, AND LOOKING FORWARD TO THE FUTURE.

 

OK, WELL, AS FOR ME...I'LL JUST LAY BACK DOWN ON THE BED, AS I MISS MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH.....IT HAS BEEN 3 YEARS THIS MONTH HE HAS BEEN IN PRISON........OVER 3 MONTHS SINCE I HAVE SEEN HIM IN PERSON, AND 5 WEEKS OF NO PHONE CONTACT.  SO, THAT IS IT........

TODAY I PAYED MY MONTHLY PHONE BILL....., $600.00......A LITTLE LESS THIS TIME, AS THE CALLS STOPPED IN THE BEGINNING OF FEBRUARY......BUT IT IS WORTH EVERY CENT, TO TALK WITH JIMMY, AND STAY CONNECTED......"PRISON CALLS" ARE A BIG ISSUE IN OUR COUNTRY......THE PEOPLE ARE CHARGED AN INJUST AMOUNT...OVER-CHARGED, AND  TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.....THOSE CALLS ARE NOT COSTING THE SAME AS REGULAR COLLECT CALLS.......MANY IN OUR COUNTRY ARE TRYING TO FIGHT THE CAUSE, AT THIS TIME...YOU CAN FIND INFO ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET..

........................FRAN

 

STILL NO PHONE

STILL NO PHONE CALLS....IT HAS NOW BEEN 31 DAYS, WITH NO TELEPHONE COMMUNICATION.  I COMMUNICATE WITH JIMMY THROUGH AN INMATE'S MOTHER, WHO HAS 2 PHONE LINES, AND SHE TELLS JIMMY WHAT I SAY, AND SHE TELLS ME WHAT HE SAYS....WE DO THIS FOR A FEW MINUTES, AS WE HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO TALK ABOUT....AND THEN, OF COURSE, WE KEEP SENDING MAIL...LETTERS AND CARDS.......

I CALL THE T-NETIX LADY EVERYDAY, IN HOPES OF RESOLVING THIS ISSUE, WITH NO OUTCOME.......JIMMY TOLD ME TODAY, THAT SOMETHING LIKE 3500 INMATES HAVE BEEN AFFECTED WITH THIS PHONE PROBLEM, AND HE IS ONE OF THEM....WELL. I WISH WE COULD BE SO LUCKY WITH THE LOTTERY!

IT IS ONLY 16 MORE DAYS UNTIL JIMMY IS TRANSFERRED, ON PAROLE, TO THE HALF-WAY-BACK HOUSE.......VERY GOOD.

JIMMY SAYS IN HIS LETTER, THAT THE PRISON SYSTEM TRIES DESPARETLY TO TEAR APART MARRIAGES.  AND YOU KNOW WHAT?  HE IS RIGHT.  BUT TRY, AS THEY MAY, WE ARE STRONGER THAN THEM, AS WE HAVE A MARRIAGE MADE IN HEAVEN, AND BLESSED BY GOD...AND NO MAN-MADE INSTITUTION CAN TEAR US APART........SO, WE CONTINUE, TO LOVE, AND BE A FAMILY, DESPITE ALL THE UNUSUAL CIRCUMSTANCES........

I RECEIVED A LETTER, FROM A READER OF THIS JOURNAL, ASKING JUST HOW AM I SO POSITIVE, AND HOW I GO ON....

WELL, MY ANSWER IS, THAT I NOT ONLY AM "IN LOVE" WITH JIMMY, BUT I SIMPLY LOVE HIM, TOO.  YOU SEE, JIMMY HAS ALWAYS BEEN MORE THAN WONDERFUL, TO ME, IN MANY, MANY DIFFERENT WAYS, DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE IS A CRIMINAL, AND HAS DONE WRONG THINGS.  DESPITE PRISON, HE TAKES CARE OF ME, HIS WIFE, AND HIS HOUSEHOLD.  HE "CARES" ABOUT WHAT GOES ON , HERE, AT HOME, DESPITE MOST INCARCERATED MEN, DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR HOUSEHOLDS.  JIMMY AND I WORK ON OUR LOVE AND MARRIAGE, DESPITE PRISON WALLS...THAT IS WHY TELEPHONE COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT..HOWEVER, THIS LONG PERIOD OF TIME ONLY PROVES THAT OUR LOVE GROWS EVEN STRONGER, WITHOUT TALKING.

BEFORE JIMMY LEFT HOME, WE MADE LOTS OF MOVIES, WITH THE CAMCORDER...SO WHENEVER I WANT TO, I LOOK AT THOSE TAPES, OF THE TWO OF US TOGETHER.

SO, YES, JIMMY IS BASICALLY  A VERY MATURE MAN WHO CARES ABOUT HIS MARRIAGE, AND DESPITE PRISON, WE ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE...........

PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU A LOT OF THINGS IN LIFE....BUT ONLY LISTEN TO YOURSELF, AND YOUR INNER VOICE.........EVEN PRISON CAN BE A LESSON, AND A BAD  EXPERIENCE CAN BE TURNED INTO A POSITIVE ONE, BELIEVE IT OR NOT!...................FRAN