Thanks to Everyone

Hi Everyone!

  Thanks so much for reading my journal, and for leaving such wonderful, and heart-warming comments.  Also, thanks for all the great E-mails I've received!.....i feel so blessed to know you .....all of you out there in computer-land! 

 Jimmy has all the residents reading my journal  (especially the one AOL featured in "flirts and friends"......"The First Visit."  I am happy for them to read it.....Also, I did reveal a lot of my life before I met Jimmy, which is a good purging out for me....As Jimmy is in Rehab now, this is his time to be purged out of all negativities, and to learn to understand himself, become a better individual in this world....it is a most definite learning experience, and I'm glad he is going through it, as well as myself....

  As I've said, Talbot Hall is a wonderful place!!.............It is full of positive energy!....It has a clean-wholesome feeling to it!   When you walk up the steps, and into the sparkling clean glass doors, you feel wonderful....as if a "spiritual feeling has hit you."...And the cleanliness is astonishing!...Everything sparkles and is glistening, and the clean, fresh smell of disinfectants is in the air!...What a wonderful place to be in!...I'm so happy Jimmy is there!

  Well, I have 2 more pieces of good-news for you today!...First is that Jimmy passed his next evaluation today again, and he did very well!........It won't be long now, that he'll be going to a Half-way House.

  Second, is that yesterday, I got 3 Haiku's (Poems), published in the local newspaper.  It was around 9pm at night when I first opened the paper, and was shocked as they were there starring in my face!.....I'll write them here for you.....I wrote these last Autumn, when I would walk outside, and talk to the trees...Our home is on a circle, with lots of trees and park-benches...(it is located in what was once a forest....so it is very pretty and inspirational here).  Anyhow, my lonliness, and missing my husband, led me to write haiku's and poetry...............In these haiku's, I become one with nature.....Isoothe, and feel soothed by nature.  

  

                               Fran's Haiku's

#1.......................Tranquil is the day,

                         Peace, harmony, and balance,

                          Lord, show me the way.

 

#2. .....................Your leaves turn orange,

                         My beautiful maple tree.

                         Summer is over.

 

#3...................... So still is the lake.

                          All is peaceful and perfect.

                          Balanced is my soul.

                          (all 3 are copyrighted...2003)

(I hope everyone remembers from their high-school days, that a Haiku has in the first line, 5 syllables, the second line has7 syllables, and the third line has 5 syllables).  A haiku is most often about nature, but can be about anything.  It often helps to look at nature, and if you can't be there with nature, looking at a picture will help you!....Why not try writing one yourself!...If you do, leave it in my comments, for everyone to see and enjoy!..........................................FRAN

Featured in "Friends and Flirts" Community Page

I have some great news today!  I received an e-mail from AOL, notifying me that this journal, Reflections of a Prison Wife, is featured in AOL's People Connection Page, "Friends and Flirts Community Page. "  (to get there, just type in "flirts " on the bar, and press go....that will take you there....)....There are other features about prison and loved ones..............If you are not into prison stuff, there is plenty of fun things to look into!...So try and go there when you get a chance!

  I would like to thank AOL, for finding my journal, taking the time to read it, and featuring it in "Friends and Flirts."  It is absolutely a great honor, and I will forever be thankful to you.  I was so surprised and shocked when I received your e-mail!

  The entry selected for the feature is called "OUR FIRST VISIT."  It is about Jimmy and I meeting for the first time , after one year, in Talbot Hall, Rehab.  It is a long entry, and I started by recalling what it was like when Jimmy went to jail that first day...and then progressing to seeing him once again.

  It has always been my dream to write....Being a Registered Nurse just wasn't enough.  I had to sit and write....and now the time has come to do just that, as I await my husband's return.

  I believe writing this journal has served it's purpose...One purpose was to help me get through a rough time....to purge myself....to allow you to enter my life....my thoughts...."the corners of my mind."..I have shared as much as I could with you....but there is still a little corner of my mind that only Jimmy can get into!

  Another purpose of this journal was to help others....to make all those prison wives, girlfriends, loved ones, realize that they are not alone in what they experience within the prison system.....they are not alone in their perplexing thoughts......the world in which they live is suddenly torn apart....their husband is no longer there...and yet those women are human beings who crave love , and are caught in a devastating web....everyday, they question themselves   "Do I stay or run away?"..................If this journal has somehow helped you, and comforted you, then my misssion has been completed....................................

  I hope you saw how Jimmy and I did it for 17 months...how we stayed connected at all times....I hope I made you laugh, as well as cry at times....You were there for me through holidays , birthdays, snowstorms, and thunderstorms....you were my support system, and I hope I was yours!

  Thank you all , again, for reading my journal!.........And as I've said before many times........."Life is a Journey!"............................................................With Love, Fran

FEELING GREAT!

Hi Everyone!

  I'm feeling just great today, and I hope you are too! I got over my 24 hour bug, and am feeling better than ever!  I feel around 20 years younger...I feel as if all my energy fields are open...my blocked chakras have started opening up...my body cells feel lighter....can any of you out there in computer land, identify with that?  You see, being a 'Prison wife," i lived in a "bubble"....unless you've been there, it's hard to understand...unless you've been very, very depressed in your life, where the depression lasts for over a year, then you can begin to understand....your body starts setting up blocks within the energy fields, as mine did....I was suddenly set free when Jimmy went to Talbot Hall...rehab...that was around July 1, 2004.....Suddenly I started emerging from the bubble....sudenly I could start smiling....Fro 16 months , I could not talk or listen to anyone....I would always tell them, "please stop talking and telling me your problems...I am very self-centered right now...I can not listen to you and your thoughts....I am in my own isolated world, with my own problems."  and when I looked at life that way, I knew I had a problem with myself, because, being a nurse, I was the one who always listened to others.

  And so now, I am now in the healing process...and I am so happy to be on the way to being healed....it is like a big burden has been lifted!...I am now in another world....a good world...in the place I should be....all the negative energies are being removed....All along, I had told Jimmy to please take me to a psychiatrist when you come home....he always said...Fran, it's ok, i'll be home soon, and everything will be ok....And I was the one who started saying...."no, you're wrong....something has affected me about this whole experience..It'S  not you, it's me...I can't handle this experience in my mind...."         And then, he started to understand, and said, "ok, we'll go to a psychiatrist,baby."..........................But now, through the Grace of God, I don't think I need that psychiatrist....I am already beginning to be healed, and I feel the change....I am no longer that 'prison wife."

.........I have graduated, and I'm BEGINNING TO EMERGE ONTO THE NEXT LEVEL AT THIS TIME.....I AM NOT CRAZY NOW, AND I NEVER WAS!...I only went through a bad experience, as we all do at times in our life.....It only makes us stronger and better people!........lOVE TO YOU ALL!...........got to go....Jimmy's going to call!!!!.....FRAN

Hello, it's me!

Hi Everyone!

 Dear "Sugar"...Thank you so much for stopping by to read my journal, and inviting me to read yours!  I guess it might have been spooky to stop by and read a journal about a prisoner and his wife, but I guess you can see we are normal people.  I married a very intelligent man ...A man who probably views life as a chess-game....However, our story is unique, because they "the system, or the state," took Jimmy away from me at a time when we were madly in love...we were together 24/7..we couldn't get enough of each other...we were worse than 2 teenagers....and the day he left me, it was like a physical pain in my body, no less my head.  When Jimmy came out to marry me in Vegas, he had a return plane tix back to New Jersey, as he was a Bailbondsman, and had an office and business things to settle....Well, he just couldn't do it...he couldn't leave me...he had to stay with me..forever by my side...and thus , we had a terrific whirlwind romance in Las Vegas,,,so powerful, the winds would blow around us!.....and we had people come up to us and say, "It's so nice to see 2 people in love!  And he wine and dined me, and we did so many things, and went so many places...and he treated me like a queen!.............Someday, I envision our story to be made into a movie....I'm serious...it will be the greatest love story told....I already see parts of it in my head...and the book is nearly finished.......................

  To answer your question, Sugar, Jimmy's charges were "conspiracy."   That is, he helped to import mariguana (I can't quite remember, is that how you spell it?).....well anyway, pot.........800 lbs of it.  I can't believe how stupid he was, because it was not for money that he did it..he was helping someone....and if you really want to laugh....you can start laughing right now...he never, ever in his life smoked the stuff!!!.........He has no idea what it is like to smoke a joint...Back in the 70's everyone smoked pot...."and some of us didn't inhale!"..............And now I have a husband in prison for this...can you imagine!...........He never smoked pot, never took any sort of drug, and doesn't drink liquor, and never smoked cigarettes.....he has been a very good boy in life....trouble is, he got hooked on me!

Dear Dawn,

  Thankyou so much for your nice comment....I'm glad I made you smile!............Yes, I got to see Jimmy on Tuesday night for 45 minutes.....it was wonderful!....we sat there and held hands, and kissed..I just can't wait for him to come home...You see, for us, we are so connected.  For 17 months we have talked on the phone, every day 3-5 or more times a day....I feel like he's always with me...Going to Talbot Hall is very dreamy to me...almost like I'm in another realm....because I know it is only for a certain amount of minutes...from the moment I get there, I know I will soon leave...and, as soon as I get home, I walk in the door at 10:30pm, and he calls me!.................Anyhow, all the food I cooked for him had to be brought back home, because no food was allowed in that night....Well, that made Prince happy...he got to eat steak, lasagna, cole slaw, potato salad, salami sandwhiches on rye with grape tomatoes...he's a lucky dog!....and the italian loaf bread and rolls, I threw outside to the birds!!!!!!!!!!...........So everyone is happy now!

  I have had a 24 hour virus , since Wednesday, and have been in bed since then.  I just got up a little while ago, and feel much better, now, much stronger....I had chills, fever, body pains, and gastrointestinal problems....I don't even remember yesterday at all!...I'm so happy to feel better again!.........I'm back in the world again!.......................FRAN

I made a mistake in my journal

I'm sorry...I made a mistake in my journal.  I realized it after I talked with my husband.  Actually, Jimmy corrected me first, and I should have corrected it right away, but didn't.

"clicksterezz" was kind enough to correct me.  It occurs in the 7/6/04 entry, titled "THE MOMENT HAS FINALLY ARRIVED.".......I stated that Matt Talbot is a saint.  Well, I was wrong, he is "VENERABLE TALBOT, which means he is not a saint yet....Please go back to that entry , and read it....Clicksterezz explains it there....VENERABLE TALBOT needs 2 miracles to happen , so he can be canonized a saint....Well, maybe I should start praying to him............Thank you so much for correcting me.  I am so happy that you even went so far back to read my journal....thank you over and over again, for taking an interest in my journal and reading it............................Well. I'll be going to TALBOT HALL this afternoon, to see Jimmy...A friend will be driving me...I just couldn't go there this past week-end, due to my eyesight, I didn't want t o take a chance.......I'm excited , and have a few things to do now......FRAN

"HAPPY!"

Hi everyone!

 I'm happy,  and I hope you are too!  Life is really a wonderful place to exist, when you feel happy, and all things seem right...when things are balanced and in harmony...If all you prison wives, loved ones of prisoners, and families of prisoners, can just hold on....just wait...and as the hands of time turn, so will your life change....Life is always in the process of change, anyway.  Things never, ever remain the same...that is what life is all about...somehow things will change, and of course, we always hope for the better....

  For me, it was staying connected to Jimmy....24/7 for over 16 months...for me it was going to the post office almost everyday, sending him mail...not only letters , cards, but every week I would print stuff out on the computer he would like to read, and send it to him...I also have a sprint cell phone that takes pix...so I would take 10 or 20 pix a week...of the house, garden, pets, and me.  I'd print it out and send him the pix...so therefore, Jimmy knew everything going on in his household, every moment....When I bought something new for the house, I'd take a picture and send it to him.....If I can help any of you out there, with a loved one in prison, this journal will well be worth it....even just one person...then I will have fulfilled a mission , to help you, as well as me......I talked to so many women on the phone, who were lonely and desperate...there was really nothing I could say, but I hope just knowing you are not alone with your thoughts and feelings is a lot...So many have followed me in this journal for 6 months....you know my ups and downs...how my moods kept moving around....how I was desperste....alone....always crying...surrounded by a deep despair...and Jimmy always calling me....He would tell me to get up, go to the kitchen, get some fluid in me....feed the animals...he'd walk me there on the phone...and then I'd throw myself in bed again...for days, sick...and our so-called friends, and  a couple of family members, would tell me, "call 911 if you are sick."  I hate those people, but I release it to the wind, like a balloon that floats up to the clouds....I have a dog and 2 cats that i had to take care of...Everyone refused to help me...And I refused to leave for the hospital, and leave my pets at home to die alone...And so, the time passed...and I got better...but it took months.............and now, for around the last month, I feel wonderful.....the sickness, that overtook me, left....it's like the grim reaper left!..........And why do I still talk abot it, you may ask?....I don't know...I think I still purge it out of me....and maybe I can help you too, to understand this whole prison process, and what happens to those at home.....

  And now, once again, I love every day....the sun, the clouds, the blue skies..the flowers....I feel so wonderful to experience life...I'm back to being me again.....The "DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL,"  has passed, and I survived it!

  So today, I cooked all the foods Jimmy loves and misses....lasanga, steak with onions, potato salad, roasted chicken thighs , sandwiches of salami, cheese, olive loaf, rye bread....tomatoes....tuna salad...corn muffins, fruit salad...

I hope tomorrow will be a sunny day.....I will get up and proceed into the car, and drive there, listening and singing to music...going to my loved one....I will pretend my eyesight is perfect, and that nothing is amiss!...and all will be in perfect balance and harmony....and I will glide there, gently and softly....

I'll walk Prince now, and then go to bed early.

And by the way, did I tell you today ,how much I love my husband, Jimmy? I know you've heard it millions of times from me!............Sorry, you'll have to hear it this one more time....."I LOVE AND AM IN LOVE WITH JIMMY!'

................................................................FRAN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LIFE IS GREAT!

Hi everyone!...Just stopping by for a quick entry, before I go out shopping, as it is a beautiful sunny day here in south jersey!.....Jimmy will call me in about a half hour.....

  Jimmy is doing wonderful at Talbot Center....He is in charge of the library, and he has given hour long lectuires along the way.  He still attends around 8 sessions per day, so he is always kept busy.  He is also in charge of a Talent Show the guys will put on, so he is busy with that....He is also on the "alumni committee."...I love Talbot Hall!...I felt that the first day I went there!...It is a positive and uplifting place...It is full of energy and optimism.....I am so thankful Jimmy has gone to such a nice place...All the counselors are such nice people, too.  He is being helped by all the positive energy at Talbot, and so am I , because I've never felt better....physically and mentally!

  His stay in the prison, is almost like a dream to me, and it is all nearing the end.  He should be out of Talbot, hopefully, the end of August, or into September....Then he will be placed in a half-way house....and he'll be home on weekends...the first visit home, will be for only 12 hours...I wonder if that is long enough!.....I know it isn't but it will have to do!...........One guess what we'll be doing for 12 hours?!...and it isn't eating food, but a little snack will do!...Even the prison system has to keep track of how long our "love-making" is...lol....I've learned everything is about  "time"..minutes, hours, days, months, years....I've been married to a man for 3 years and 3 months, and for 17 months , the state has owned him, and taken him away from me....but of course, in reality they can never take him away from me...we are always, at every moment, each and every day, together...in our heart, soul, and spirit...the physical realm almost doesn't matter any more!.........except of course, when he touches me, I still get chills!