EXPLANATION

LET ME EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED ON THE TUESDAY, BEFORE THANKSGIVING..............

WE BOTH HAD AN APPOINTMENT WITJ THE PSYCHOLOGIST....JIMMY HAD GONE TWICE BEFIRE WITHOUT ME.

SO ON TUESDAY, I WAS MY HAPPY SELF.........

HAPPY THAT THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE............HAPPY THAT LIFE WAS GOING ALONG SO WELL!..................WE WERE LAUGHING, JOKING ..............KIDDING AROUND, AS WE DROVE TO THE PSYCHOLOGIST;S OFFICE..............

AND THEN.........................BOOM!

THIS NASTY PSYCHOLOSIST...............VERBALY ATTACKED ME.......................SHE IS A YOUNG GIRL, AND SHE VERBALLY ATTACKED ME.

SHE SAYS,,,,,,"YOU ARE A DEPRESSED WOMAN/"

I SAID.....:"I AM NOT DEPRESSED.............I AM HAPPY, AND IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND."

SHE SAYS...................ACCORDING TO YOUR HUSBAND, YOU LIKE TO SLEEP ALOT AND ARE NOT AS ACTIVE AS YOU WERE 3.6 YEARS AGO.

I EXPLAINED I LIKE TO WRITE STORIES, AND HAVE GOTTEN AROUND 15 THINGS PUBLISHED SINCE JIMMYS INCARCERATION.  I EXPLAINED I AM LEGALLY BLIND, AND MY EYESIGHT IS WORSE RIGHT NOW AND THAT SINCE JIMMY CAME HOME, AROUND 2 MONTHS AGO, I HAVE TAKEN A LITTLE BREAK FROM MY WRITING..............................I AM A LITTLE TIRED OF WRITING AT THIS TIME.........

SHE STARTS YELLING AT ME, THAT HAPPY PEOPLE DO NOT ACT AS I DO..................

THEN SHE YELLS AT ME, THAT I AM LIKE A CHILD............THAT I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE...........THAT I AM A CRY-BABY

SHE BRINGS UP THE FACT THAT I WAS AN RN................HOW WOULD I DEAL WITH A PATIENT LIKE ME?......................SHE GOES ON AND ON.....

I TELL HER I AM NOT PRACTICING NURSING RIGHT NOW..........

I TELL HER THAT  JIMMY AND MYSELF GO  OUT EVERY, EVERY    DAY, FOR THE 2 MONTHS HE HAS BEEN HOME.......................

WE GO TO RESTAURANTS, MOVIES, STORES, KARAOKE..............WE BOUGHT A NEW CAR...................WE AREBUYING A HOUSE............WHAT MORE DOES SHE WANT!

JIMMY EXPLANED TO HER  THAT HE WANTS ME TO BE THE BEST I CAN BE.................

IN THAT SESSION I FELT TRAPPED BETWEEN THE 2 OF THEM..................I FELT I WAS NO GOOD.....................

I AKWAYS LIKE TO ACHIEVE THE BEST I CAN......................AND THAT WOMAN, WHO IS A PSYCHOLOGIST, MADE ME FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF NOTHING.......

IN MANY WAYS I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT HER ABUSIVE BEHAVOR

WE WILL NOT GO BACK THERE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,JIMMY SAYS WE MAY FIND ANOTHER COUNSELOR.

I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH THESE PSYCHOLOGISTS...........

SHE MADE ME LOOK AND FEEL LIKE A FOOL...

ALL I CAN SAY IS , I HATE THEM ALL,RIGHT NOW..............

TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY.

JIMMY HAS BEEN VERY APOLOGETIC, THAT HE EXPOSED ME TO THIS .......IF ANYTHING, IT SET ME BACK,  AROUND 10 PACES.....

AND SO, WE WERE ABLE TO ENJOY THANKSGIVING,,,,,,,,,,,,,,WE WENT TI MY SISTER;S, ALONG WITH HER DAUGHTER, AND AUNT AND UNCLE..................AND SO WE HAD A PLEASABT TIME, AFTER ALL OF THAT!

THANK YOU FOR ALL BEING SO  WORRIED AND CONCERNED!

.............AND THUS, LIFE GOES ON!

.....................FRAN

MONDAY THOUGHTS

IT'S MONDAY MORN,  AND ALL IS WELL!

ALL IS CALM AND QUIET..........

THINGS ARE GETTING DONE, AS THEY SHOULD BE............

YESTERDAY, SUNDAY, WE WENT TO MASS, AS WE HAVE BEEN DOING EACH WEEK.  THEN WE WENT TO SEE THE HOUSE WE ARE BUYI NG.......ALL  IS WELL, AND WE REALLY LIKE THIS HOUSE...........  :)

THINGS ARE GOING VERY WELL FOR US.....................

ON SATURDAY, WE WEMNT TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE............SHE MADE ESCAROLE  SOUP AND BRACHOLETTA, AND PEAS AND MUSHROOMS, AND POTATOES..............ALL IS THE SAME WITH HER.............JIMMY WAS ON THE FLOOR, FOR HOURS, FIXING HER COMPUTER PRINTER................AS YOU CAN SEE, JIMMY AND I ARE PEOPLE WHO HELP THOSE THAT NEED HELP........AS MAN AND WIFE, WE FORGIVE THOSE THAT DID US WRONG FOR THE 3.6 YEARS OF HIS INCARCERATUON....

YOU SEE, PEOPLE WERE ALWAYS TOO BUSY TO HELP ME OUT, HIS WIFE, BUT NOW THAT THEY NEED HELP. WE ARE STILL THERE FOR THEM..................IT IS VERY ODD.................BUT JI MMY AND I KNOW JUST HOW FAR WE CAN GO, WITH HELPING THOSE THAT COULD NOT HELP US...........................AND YES, WE SET OUR LIMITS.............

I ALWAYS TELL JIMMY, IT IS UP TO GOD TO DECIDE JUST WHAT HAS TO BE DONE.................TO US, TO OTHERS................IT IS SIMPLY NOT OUR PLACE TO JUDGE OTHERS................................AND SO, WE HAPPILY WENT TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE.............WE LAUGHED, WE TALKED...................AND OF COURSE, WE LISTENED TO ALL HER PROBLEMS..................THE PROBLEMS OF NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND A MAN!.........................

JIMMY AND I, ARE WHAT YOU MAY SAY, THE PERFECT  COUPLE...................WE ARE EVEN CLOSER, AFTER GOING THROUGH HIS INCAECERATUON..................WE SHARE ALL THOUGHTS WITH EACH OTHER.................ALL EMOTIONS, ALL FEELINGS.........

YES, IF YOU ARE A PRISON WIFE, IT CAN BE DONE!

WE ARE VERY HAPPY!.................WE LOVE BEING MARRIED.........WE HAVE NO MENTAL STRESS...................JIMMY SAYS TO ME, "FRAN, THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS WANTED LIFE TO BE.".................THAT IS, TO BE A NORMAL, MARRIED MAN.....................

AT NIGHT, IN THE EVENING, WE SIT SURROUNDED BY ALL 3 PETS, AND WE WATCH TV, AND  READ THE NEWSPAPERS.................NO FUSS, NO MUSS, AS I ALWAYS SAY...........................SIMPLICITY.................THAT IS WHAT MAKES US HAPPY........................AND YET, WE ARE VERY PROGRESSIVE PEOPLE, TOO................

LAST WEEK WE SAW THE PSYCHOLOGIST...............JIMMY  SPOKE TO HER  FOR AROUND AN HOUR, AND I WAITED OUTSIDE............WE WILL BOTH SEE HER IN A FEW WEEKS...............SHE SPOKE TO ME A LITTLE, AND SHE SEEMS VERY NICE!.....................I THINK IT IS A GOOD IDEA FOR US TO SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST................I'M NOT SURE JUST WHAT I'M SUPPOSSED TO SAY!..........................BUT HEY!..................WHEN YOUIR HUSBAND IS A FELON, AND WAS IN PRISON MANY YEARS, AND YOU ARE A PRISONER'S WIFE, I GUESS THERE ARE THINGS YOU CAN TALK ABOUT!...........................THINGS THAT ARE UNIQUE TO THE 2 OF US!

JIMMY KEEPS TELLIMG ME THAT HE FEELS THAT HE WAS NEVER AWAY FROM ME IN PRISON............THAT THE WAY WE ARE LIVING, IS VERY NORMAL, RIGHT NOW..................AND GUESS WHAT!...........................I FEEL THE SAME WAY...................I CANNOT IMAGINE THAT I WENT THROUGH 3.6 YEARS OF BEING ALONE.....................A RECLUSE I WAS...........OR MAY I SAY, I BECAME AS TIME WENT ON.................JIMMY HAS BEEN HOME SINCE 9/18...................HE TAKES ME OUT OF THE HOUSE EVERYDAY...................WE DECIDED IN THE BEGINNING, THAT EACH DAY, NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL IT WAS MENTALLY, FOR ME TO LEAVE THE HOUSE.......AS I FEEL I HAD AGRAPHOBIA, I WOULD GET DRESSED, AND JIMMY WOULD TAKE ME HERE AND THERE..................AND EXPOSE ME TO PEOPLE..........................IN THE BEGINNING, IT WAS VERY FRIGHTENING TO ME..................TO SEE PEOPLE............TO HEAR OTHERS TALK..................IT WAS LIKE THEY WERE A BUNCH OF LITTLE MICE GATHERED TOGETHER, AND  TALKING.....I WAS VERY FAR AWAY FROM THOSE PEOPLE...................BUT NOW, I HAVE RETURNED TO BEING NORMAL..............................I DON'T PUSH IT..............I JUST LET IT FLOW.....................PEACE, BALANCE AND HARMONY, IS WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.................

JIMMY GAVE ME LITTLE ASSIGNMENTS..........................THINGS I COULD ACCOMPLISH, ON A DAILY BASIS..............HE NEVER PUSHES ME TO DO ANYTHING......................AND THAT IS HOW WE WORKED OUT OUR SITUATION IN LIFE.............

I AM HOME ALONE, RIGHT NOW............

JIMMY IS AT WORK.

HE WILL RETURN IN A FEW HOURS, AND WE WILL GO OUT A LITTLE.................

THINGS ARE NORMAL.....LIFE IS GREAT!

I HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU, TOO!...............MY ADVICE IS TO JUST RELAX, AND LET IT FLOW................ENJOY THE DAY, THE TIME, THE SEASON!.............ENJOY THE GOLDEN LEAVES ON THE TREES.........THE COOL, CRISP AIR!............

..........................FRAN

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

HERE WE ARE...........HALLOWEEN, ONCE AGAIN    :)

THIS IS THE FIRST YEAR, IN 3.6 YEARS, THAT JIMMY AND I WILL BE TOGETHER FOR HALLOWEEN.....................WE MAY GO TO THE PARADE, IN OUR LOCAL TOWN, FOR A LITTLE WHILE................I HAVE A LONG PINK WIG.............AND HE HAS AN UGLY MASK TO PUT ON!............SO, WE MAY FOOL AROUND A LITTLE!

AT HOME, JIMMY LOOKS VERY CUTE, BECAUSE HE BOUGHT A PAIR OF SCOOBY-DOO SLIPPERS, AND A PAIR OF SCOOBY -DOO SHORTS............AND THIS IS FOR EVERYDAY...NOT FOR HALLOWEEN.AND YES, HE LOOKS VERY CUTE!..............PRINCE, AND THE 2 CATS JUST LOVE HIS FURRY SCOOBY- DOO SLIPPERS.............YES,  EVEN MY BIG, STRONG HUSBAND, IS A CUTE FELLOW, AND LIKES TO JOKE A LOT!

IN RESPONSE TO YOUR COMMENTS, JIMMY IS BACK TO WORK, BUT ONLY WORKS 3 , 12 HOUR SHIFTS PER DAY.........HE IS A MAN WHO LOVES TO WORK, SO ALL IS GOING WELL!

TODAY, WE HAD A QUIET DAY, BUT DID GO OUT TO THE LIBRARY................JIMMY OREDERED A LOT OF CD'S, AMD I GOT SEVERAL BOOKS OUT ON FENG SHUI, WHICH I ENHOY READING....

ON THURSDAY, WE HAVE A PSYCHOLOGIST APPOINTMENT, FOR THE 2 OF US, THIS TIME...............I'M NOT  SURE EXACTLY WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO SAY, BUT I WILL BE THERE, ANYHOW, AS A SUPPORTIVE WIFE....................I GUESS THEY WANT TO ANALYZE , ME TOO!....................AFTER ALL, JIMMY AND I ARE 2 VERY UNIQUE PEOPLE......................I SUPPOSE PEOPLE LIKE TO SEE EXACTLY WHAT IS IN OUR HEADS!..........................JIMMY HAS DONE CRIMINALISTIC ACTIVITY IN HIS LIFE.  HOWEVER, AS I ALWAYS SAY, HE HAS BEEN TITLED A GENIUS , BY MANY....THAT IS HE IS A VERY SMART MAN, WHO WAS ABLE TO THINK THINGS OUT ..........BUT SINCE HE MARRIED ME, HE WANTS TO DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY, AND WILL NO LONGER GO DOWN THE PATH OF CRIMES..................AS FOR ME, I AM A WOMAN WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHO WAS A CRIMINAL...................MANY PEOPLE WONDER JUST WHAT TYPE OF WOMAN DID JIMMY MARRY..........JIMMY, A HIGHLY INTELLIGENT MAN, WHO DID MANY, MANY EXCEPTIONAL THINGS IN HIS LIFE.............AND ME, FRAN.........................HIS WIFE.....................SO, ON THURSDAY, WE FEEL IT IS BETTER FOR US TO GO AND TALK THINGS OUT WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST...................WELL, MAYBE, JUST MAYBE,SHE CAN FIGURE US OUT!............i doubt it though    :)

I WOULD LIKE TO ONCE AGAIN THANK EVERYONE FOR CONTINUING TO READ THIS JOURNAL......ALL THE MANY BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS!......................I RECEIVE SO MANY THANK YOU'S, THAT THIS JOURNAL HELPS PEOPLE...........IT REALLY TOUCHES MY HEART!

I WILL JUST STEP BACK FROM THE PRESENT, AND TRY TO GIVE SOME ADVICE FOR THLSE WOMEN, WHO ARE WAITING FOR THIER HUSBAND IN PRISON................I GET SO MANY E-MAILS AND COMMENTS PER DAY, WITH WOMEN THAT SHARE THEIR STORY WITH ME............

WHEN YOUR HUSBAND IS IN PRISON KEEP YOURSELF FOCUSED.  ...................ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT BETWEEN HUSBAND, WIFE, AND GOD.  SO THEREFORE, NO ONE CAN JUDGE YOU AND SAY TO LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND...................HOPE THAT THROUGH THE PRISON PROCESS, YOUR HUSBAND WILL BE HELPED TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON, AND NO LONGER COMMIT CRIMES...........STAND BY YOUR MAN.  ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HIM.  LISTEN TO HIM.  TRY AS HARD AS YOU CAN TO KEEP YOUR DAY TO DAY LIFE FOCUSED ON HIM.............WRITE TO HIM, SEND HIM CARDS AND COMPUTER PRINT-OUTS OF SUBJECTS OF INTEREST TO HIM........EVEN SEND HIM A PRINT-OUT OF THIS JOURNAL.IT MAY HELP HIM TO SEE HOW OTHERS HAVE COPED WITH THIS...............MANY MEN IN PRISONS HAVE ALREADY READ THIS JOURNAL.

AS A WIFE, TRY TO BETTER YOURSELF, AND FAMILY.  TAKE AS BEST CARE OF THE CHILDREN, AS POSSIBLE..........EDUCATE YOURSELF, GET A GOOD JOB....LOOK FOR A CAREER...................THERE IS A LOT IN THIS WORLD ONE CAN DO, TO PROGRESS AHEAD.......

I WOULD SUGGEST, THAT FINANCIALLY SAVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN................MAINTAIN THE HOUSEHOLD FOR YOUR MAN................KEEP THINGS ORDERLY AND ORGANIZED.....

I WAS LUCKY TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TALK TO JIMMY MANY TIMES PER DAY.................JIMMY CALCUALTED THAT WE SPENT OVER $20, 000 IN PHONE BILLS, IN THE 3.6 YEARS OF HIS INCARCERATION...................FOR US , IT WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE DID, AND EVEN TODAY, I REFUSE TO BE SORRY FOR SPENDING SUCH AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF MONEY ON PHONE BILLS............

ONE PERSON WROTE, SHE CANNOT GO TO SEE HER HUSBAND WHO IS IN PRISON. ................FOR ALL THOSE THAT MAY NOT REMEMBER, I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO VISIT AND SEE JIMMY FOR ONE ENTIRE YEAR, DURING THE BEGINNING OF HIS INCARCERATION................BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE A NEW JERSEY ID, I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO SEE JIMMY, AS HORRIBLE AS THAT WAS.....................BUT WE ARE IN LOVE, AND EVEN NOT SEEING ONE ANOTHER DOES NOT TEAR US APART.............

NOW THAT IT IS OVER, IT DOES NOT FEEL THAT HE WAS EVER AWAY.  HOWEVER, WHILE GOING THROUGH IT, IT WAS SIMPLY PUT, A HORRIBLE THING TO GO THROUGH.

BUT IT IS POSSIBLE, AS I AM ONE EXAMPLE..............

I WILL GO TO BED NOW...............CLIMB NEXT TO JIMMY INTO HIS ARMS.............HE IS ALREADY ASLEEP IN THE BED!             :)

............................FRAN

 

HI, ONCE AGAIN!

HI, EVERYONE!

WELL, THINGS ARE STILL GOING GREAT, IN OUR NECK OF THE WOODS!

LIFE IS SIMPLY NORMAL, CALM................HAPPY.....THE WAY LIFE SHOULD BE, FOR A MARRIED COUPLE.  AND, AS I ALWAYS SAY, FOR 2 PEOPLE THAT  NOT ONLY LOVE EACH OTHER, BUT ARE IN LOVE............

OUR LIFE IS ORDERLY, BUT FUN, TOO!

WE GET A LOT OF THINGS ACCOMPLISHED................

YESTERDAY, WE WENT TO SEE THE MOVIE, "MARIE ANTOINETTE."...................THE MOVIE WAS FULL OF FUN AND GAITY..............FOOD, PARTYING............BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES AND WIGS..................WE DID NOT LIKE TNE FACT THAT THE MOVIE DID NOT SHOW THE POVERTY OF THE PEOPLE, AND  IT DID NOT SHOW THE DOWNFALL OF THE GOVERNMENT, AND THE BEHEADING OF MARIE ANTOINETTE.............

THIS WAS THE 3RD MOVIE WE HAVE SEEN AT THE MOVIE THEATER, SINCE JIMMY CAME BACK HOME.  WE HAVE ALSO ORDERED NET-FLICK AND THE RENTED MOVIES SHOULD START ARRIVING TOMORROW, MONDAY...................DURING THE 3.6 YEARS OF JIMMY BEING AWAY, I WATCHED HUNDREDS OF MOVIES HERE AT HOME, AND MANY I WOULD LIKE HIM TO SEE................SO WITH NET-FLICK WE CAN GET THE OLDER MOVIES.................WE ALREADY ORDERED "QUEEN ELIZABETH ", PART 1 AND PART 2, WHICH I SAW AND LOVED, AND NOW JIMMY WILL WATCH........

WE ALSO ORDERED "SHOWTIME," ON CABLE, AS WE ALREADY HAVE HBO.  NOW WE ARE WATCHING ON SHOWTIME, THINGS LIKE "WEEDS," AND "DEXTER.".............WE REALLY LIKE "DEXTER."  IT IS ABOUT A SERIAL KILLER, WHO KILLS SERIAL KILLERS.............IT IS A UNIQUE SHOW, AND I'M JUST STARTING TO GET INTO IT........AS FAR AS 'WEEDS,'  IS CONCERNED, I LAUGH TO MYSELF EVERTIME I SEE IT.................AFTER ALL, MY HUSBAND SPENT 3.6 YEARS IN PRISON, FOR SELLING POT, AND HERE, A VERY POPULAR SHOW, IS ABOUT A WOMAN WHO SELLS POT.................HA!...................I JUST DON'T GET IT!..................IF SOMETHING IS ILLEGAL, WHY PROMOTE THE SHOW ON TV........................IT'S A VERY SICK WORLD WE LIVE IN    :)

AND SO, JIMMY AND I HAVE BEEN GOING TO MASS EVERY SUNDAY, WHICH WE ENJOY DOING................THIS WEEK, JIMMY WILL TAKE ME TO TRY OUT FOR THE CHURCH CHOIR, WHICH I WILL LIKE TO DO, AS I LOVE TO SING!

LAST WEEK, WE WENT TO ATLANTIC CITY, FOR THE SECOND TIME...............THE TROPICANA................AND ENJOYED OUSELVES VERY MUCH!

OUR HOUSE IS ALL DECORATED FOR HALLOWEEN............INSIDE AND OUT!.............JIMMY PUT ORANGE LIGHTS UP,INSIDE ANBD OUT,  A BIG PUMPKIN OUTSIDE, AND A PUMPKIN INSIDE, DECORATED WITH HAT AND MASK............OUTSIDE, HE HUNG UP DECORATIONS ON THE WALLS,  AND THE PATIO.............TOMBSTONES, SKELETONS, ETC!....................AND FOR OURSELVES EVERYTIME WE GO TO THE STORE, WE BUY MASKS AND COSTUMES AND THINGS LIKE THAT!...............WE HAVE BOWLS OF CANDY FOR THE CHILDREN, AND SO WE ARE ALL SET!

JIMMY GOES TO THE PAROLE OFFICE EVERY OTHER WEEK, AS HE IS INSTRUCTED TO DO.............SO THINGS ARE GOING WELL.......

WE'VE EATEN IN THE "OLIVE GARDEN" 4 TIMES, AND LAST NIGHT WE TOOK OUT HIS FRINED...............

TODAY, JIMMY COOKED  DELICIOUS MEATLOAF, PEAS AND MASHED POTATOES.................JIMMY COOKS DELICIOUS FOOD EVERYDAY, AND SERVES ME LIKE A QUEEN!..................THE TROUBLE IS, I HAVE GAINED AROUND 10 LBS., SINCE JIMMY ARRIVED HOME.................IN ONE WAY, I REALLY DON'T CARE, AS I STARVED MYSELF, AND HATED FOOD FOR THE 3.6 YEARS HE WAS AWAY..................I HAVE ONCE AGAIN BEEN ABLE TO TASTE THE FLAVOR OF FOOD, SO I AM HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT NOW!

WE ARE LEADING A NICE LIFE, AND ARE A HAPPY COUPLE...........

I'LL TRY TO KEEP YOU UP TO DATE, ON ALL THAT IS HAPPENING!...................................fran

HAPPY LIFE...............

LIFE IS AS HAPPY AS CAN BE !

I WAS A VERY DEPRESSED PERSON FOR 3.6 YEARS..............

AND NOW, THE TABLES HAVE TURNED!

WHEN I HEAR PEOPLE TALKING TO ME, THEY ARE USUALLY SHARING A DEPRESSIVE DISPOSITION WITH ME.............

A LOT OF OUR PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD, ARE SIMPLY UNHAPPY.

THEY ARE UNHAPPY....UNLOVED, UNWANTED..............UN UN , UN..................AND IT GOES ON AND ON.

WITH JIMMY HOME, OUR LIFE HAS ONCE AGAIN TAKEN ON THE WHIRLWIND OF LIFE, AND LOVE, AND HAPPINESS.

JIMMY HAS ME OUT TO LUNCH AND DINNER ALMOST EVERYDAY!.............................

2 DAYS AGO, WE TOOK HIS FATHER OUT TO LUNCH, ALONG WITH DAD'S LADY FRIEND..................THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME HIS DAD SAW JIMMY.....................HE NEVER SAW HIM IN THE 3.6 YEARS HE WAS IN PRISON..................HIS DAD ALWAYS HAD A BLOCK ON HIS PHONE......................

FUNNY THING IS, WE TOOK HIM OUT....WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DAD TAKING HIM OUT!..

HOWEVER, WE KNOW DAD LOVES THE JEWISH DELI, CALLED "WOOLFIE'S," SO WE WENT THERE FOR CORNED  BEEF AND PASTRAAMI SANDWHICHES, ALONG WITH MATZA BALL SOUP..................AND CHEESECAKE FOR DESERT............

JIMMY KEEPS BUYING ME BEAUTIFUL THINGS...AS HE LOVES TO DO THAT!......................HE BOUGHT A BEAUTIFUL LARGE TV FOR THE LIVING ROOM , YESTERDAY!

AND WE ARE BUYING A NEW HOUSE...........SOON.

JIMMY IS RIGHT NOW CALLING ME INTO THE BEDROOM...........HE WANTS ME AT HIS SIDE EVERY MINUTE...........SO, I WILL GO NOW....................WE WILL WATCH A LITTLE TV........

I'M SORRY I CAN'T TALK ABOUI DEPRESSIVE THGINGS RIGHT NOW..................I CAN ONLY TALK ABOUT HAPPY THINGS.

 I TOLD JIMMY THAT I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO ANY DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS, FROM ANYONE, AT THIS TIME.............

THAT IS HOW LIFE IS...........

SO, PLEASE, ALL PRISONER'S WIVES AND WOMEN..........PLEASE REMAIN STRONG, AND KNOW THAT ONE DAY, ALL THE MISERIES THAT HAVE BEEN PUT UPON YOU, AT THIS TIME, WILL ONE DAY LIFT.....AND YOU WILL BE ALL HAPPY AND PEACEFUL WITH THE WORLD...........

PRISON WIVES...WHEN YOU READ A SAD STORY IN THE PAPER, OR SEE ONE ON TV, JUST REMEMBER THAT YOUR STORY, OF HAVING YOUR LOVED ONE IN PRISON, IS MOST LIKELY THE WORST PAIN A PERSON CAN BE GOING THROUGH.........................YOU ARE NOT ALONE, AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

.............FRAN

ANSWER TO COMMENTS

IN ANSWER TO EVRYONE'S QUESTION ABOUT JIMMY WORKING................

JIMMY IS STILL WITH THE FOODSTORE.  HOWEVER, HE HAS TAKEN A LITTLE BREAK, NOW, TO BE HOME WITH ME................PROBABLY FOR A FEW WEEKS..............

JIMMY IS A MAN OF MANY TALENTS..................AND SO HE NEVER HAS DIFFICULTY IN JOBS..................HE IS A VERY PRODUCTIVE PERSON, WHO LOVES TO WORK................HE LOVES TO BE PROGRESSIVE!

HOWEVER, I DO UNDERSTAND THAT FOR MANY MEN OUT OF PRISON, FINDING A JOB IS VERY DIFFICULT.

DUE TO JIMMY'S HIGHER EDUCATION, AND HIS EXTREME KNOWLEDGE, HE IS ACTUALLY SOUGHT AFTER, IN MANY JOBS........................HE IS AN ASSET TO SOCIETY.................

AND NOW THAT HE IS MARRIED TO ME, HE WILL ONLY DO LEGAL THINGS IN LIFE......................LOL.  AS HIS WIFE, YOU MAY SAY I CARRY A BIG RESPONSIBILITY ON MY SHOULDERS!............BUT, I CAN HANDLE IT..............I LOVE JIMMY!

JIMMY TOOK OUR 2 CATS, MISTY AND JIMBO, TO BE GROOMED , THIS MORNING.  PRINCE WAS AT THE WINDOW, CRYING AS THE CATS LEFT.........

 WE INVITED MY SISTER OUT TO LUNCH TODAY,  AND WE WILL BE GOING TO A VERY CUTE MEXICAN RESTAURANT, WHICH JIMMY AND I FOUND, AND ATE IN A FEW WEEKS AGO.......................THE FOOD WAS DELICIOUS, AND THE ATMOSPHERE WAS GREAT!

TALK TO YOU LATER!  ............................FRAN

HAPPY..HAPPY...................HAPPY

HI EVERYONE!

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME I'VE TALKED TO YOU.................

BUT I WOULD NOW LIKE TO SAY, I AM A VERY HAPPY PERSON................................ONCE AGAIN!

IT IS LIKE I HAVE NOW STEPPED OUT OF A VERY CONFINING BOX.....................A PLACE I EXISTED IN FOR THE PAST 3.6 YEARS.....................

AND NOW, ONCE AGAIN, I AM PART OF THE WORLD..................I AM PART OF SOCIETY..................I AM PART OF MY HUSBAND.......WE ARE A FAMILY!

I AM MY NORMAL, USUAL SELF....................THE WAY I ALWAYS WAS IN LIFE........................HAPPY TO BE A PERSON.........

JIMMY IS A VERY FAST MAN...........................AND SO, HE KEEPS LIFE VERY FAST FOR ME!......................AND I'M THE TYPE OF PERSON THAT NEEDS THAT!

SO EVERYDAY IS LIKE A WHIRLWIND FOR THE BOTH OF US.....................RESTAURANTS.............SHOPPING..............GOING HERE AND THERE!

WE ALSO KEEP EVERYTHING VERY ORGANIZED......WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR US!

YOU MAY SAY , I AM THE "WRITER," IN OUR MARRIAGE...................I WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN, AND KEEP EXCELLENT TRACK OF EVERYTHING IN OUR LIVES..........

WE HAvE EVEN BEEN GOING THROUGH BOXES AND BOXES OF THINGS I SAVED ALL THESE YEARS....................JIMMY IS EXTREMELY IMPRESSED BY THE THINGS AND NOTEBOOKS I WROTE........................HE SAYS I WROTE AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF THINGS.........................ANY PERSONS NAME........PHONE NUMBER..............EVERY RECIEPT...................EVERYTHING.......I KEPT TRACK OF IT ALL..................AND NOW, WE ARE SLOWLY THROWING MOST OF THAT STUFF AWAY!

PAROLE CAME HERE A FEW DAYS AGO.................AND ALL IS WELL!

JIMMY WENT TO THE PAROLE OFFICE, ON THE DAYS HE MUST GO.......................SO WE KEEP UP WITH EVERYTHING, AND DO THE RIGHT THINGS................

WE LOVE TO GO TO MASS ON SUNDAYS, AND WILL BE ACTIVE IN SOME CHURCH ACTIVITIES, TOO.

WE ALSO WENT TO ATLANTIC CITY..THE TROPICANA...............AND ENJOYED IT VERY MUCH!

AS I TRY TO EXPLAIN, THE PROCESS ONE GOES THROUGH AFTER PRISON, IS TO GET USED TO THE WORLD, AND PEOPLE ONCE AGAIN....................EVEN THOUGH JIMMY WAS THE ONE INCARCERATED, I , HIS WIFE, ACTUALLY HAD A HARDER TIME EMERGING FROM THE RECLUSIVE LIFE I WAS LEADING.............................

THERE HAVE BEEN A COUPLE OF TIMES AT NIGHT, I WAKE UP AROUND 3 AM, AND START CRYING, JUST A LITTLE.  JIMMY WAKES UP, HOLDS ME IN HIS ARMS, AND ASKS ME WHAT'S WRONG.  I TELL HIM NOTHING IS WRONG,  ONLY I FEEL ANXIOUS  AND CANNOT WAIT FOR DAYLIGHT.............................JIMMY KNOWS THAT THROUGH THE 3.6 YEARS, I WOULD ALWAYS BE AWAKE AT NIGHT, IN A STATE OF ANXIETY...............AND I GREW TO HATE THE NIGHT TIME, AND THE DARKNESS.......................

AND BY THE WAY.............YOU MAY FIND IT AMUSING, THAT WE HAVE A LARGE KING SIZE BED...............HOWEVER, WE SLEEP IN ONE SMALL SECTION OF IT...............WE SLEEP IN EACH OTHERS ARMS.....................WE ALWAYS DID................WE ARE ALWAYS VERY MUSCH ENTWINNED WITH EACH OTHER.................AND OH YES, MISTY THE CAT, IS THERE BETWEEN US, TOO!

TODAY JIMMY WENT TO THE PSYCHOLOGIST...........SHE LIKED HIM SO MUCH, SHE LET HIM SPEAK FOR 1 HOUR.......INSTEAD OF THE USUAL 10 MINUTE VISIT.................JIMMY SPOKE ABOUT ME, AND OUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER.....................AND SO NOW, WE WILL GO TOGETHER  NEXT MONTH......................THE PSYCHOLOGIST FEELS THAT WE ARE INTERESTING PEOPLE, AND DID A GOOD JOB IN HANDLING JIMMY'S INCARCERATION, AND STAYED CONNECTED THROUGH THE YEARS...............WE HAVE A UNIQUE STORY AND BACKGROUND, TO DISCUSS................

JIMMY AND I FEEL IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO GO TO A PSYCHOLOGIST, AND TALK THINGS OUT, AND GET GUIDANCE IN OUR LIFE..................

AND NOW, I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST!

 A FEW DAYS AGO, JIMMY BOUGHT US A GORGEOUS BRAND NEW CAR!...............

IT IS A 2007 CADILLAC CTS...............THE COLOR IS A BEAUTIFUL PLATINUM   ( HE SAYS SINCE HIS WIFE HAS PLATINUM HAIR COLOR!)

THE CARHAS "ON STAR.".................WITH THAT, IF WE ARE LOST, THEY CAN TRACE THE CAR, AND GIVE US DIRECTIONS...............IF THE CAR IS STOLEN, IT CAN BE TRACED..........

THE CAR ALSO TALKS OUT LOUD................IT WILL TELL YOU MANY THINGS.............

ALSO ON THE DASHBOARD , IT LETS YOU KNOW MANY THINGS.............FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOU LEFT THE BLINKER ON.............IF THE DOOR IS OPEN............IF THE BRAKE IS ON...........IF THE AIR IN TIRES IS LOW

WE ALSO HAVE A BUILT IN PHONE SYSTEM IN THE CAR

WE HAVE A SUN ROOF, AND JIMMY TELLS ME THE CAR IS A SPORTS MODEL.

WE HAVE 1000'S OF RADIO STATIONS...............ACROSS THE COUNTRY........WITH A SATILITE DISH

IF THE HEADLIGHTS ARE DIRTY, THERE IS A SPRAY THAT WASHES THEM

AND OF COURSE, THINGS LIKE HEATED SEATS, AND 8 POSITIONS TO THE SEATS.................

YES, I'VE ALWAYS SAID JIMMY IS A VERY ADVANCED MAN...........ELECTRONICALLY...HE JUST LOVES ALL THE LATEST IN TECHNOLOGY......................AND HE UNDERSTANDS IT ALL!...................I AM LUCKY TO HAVE A HUSBAND LIKE THAT, WHO KEEPS ME UP TO DATE ON THE LATEST THINGS!

WELL, I'D BETTER GO NOW!........................I DON'T WANT TO STAY AWAY FROM JIMMY TOO LONG!.....................HE'S IN THE BEDROOM WATCHING TV, RIGHT NOW!..............WITH THE DOG, AND 2 CATS BY HIS SIDE!

        FRAN

more thoughts

HI EVERYONE!.........................I'M SO HAPPY FOR ALL THE BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS YOU ARE WRITING!

MOST OF ALL, I AM HAPPY THAT THIS JOURNAL CONTINUES TO HELP THOSE WOMEN WITH A HUSBAND/MAN IN PRISON.............

PRISON WIVES ARE A UNIQUE PEOPLE..............SOME OF YOU HAVE WRITTEN AND EXPRESSED THE FEAR OF HAVING YOUR MAN RETURN HOME AFTER A FEW YEARS.............

YES, WE MUST ANALYZE IT, AND UNDERSTAND IT.IT IS A WONDERFUL THING TO HAVE YOUR MAN RETURN HOME, AND YET, IN SOME WAYS IT MAY BE A LITTLE SCARY, TOO.........AS WAS EXPRESSED IN THE COMMENTS.........

JIMMY ALWAYS TOLD ME, "FRAN, WHEN I COME BACK HOME, YOU MAY EXPERIENCE POST- TRAUMATIC SYNDROME"...............

AND SO I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, THAT WE AS WOMAN, ALTHOUGH MADLY IN LOVE WITH OUR MEN, MAY HAVE SOME PSYCHOLOGICAL ADJUSTING TO DO............

YOU MAY BE SAYING, 'WHAT IS FRAN TALKING ABOUT?".............SHE IS THE WOMAN WHO WAITED 3.6 YEARS FOR HER HUSBAND TO RETURN............THEY ARE BOTH MADLY IN LOVE...............THEY ARE BOTH HAPPY ..................

ALTHOUGH I AM NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST, I MUST TELL YOU THAT THERE ARE PSYCHOLOGIOCAL FACTORS INVOLVED...........JIMMY AND I ARE INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THIS................

AND SO, WE ARE HANDLING THINGS................I BELIEVE THAT TO HANDLE IT, IS JUST TO LET LIFE, AND YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS FLOW................

AS FOR ME, I'M A VERY PRIVATE PERSON...................AND SO, ALTHOUGH I THINK I HAVE BECOME PART OF THE WORLD, I REALIZE THAT IT IS A SLOW PROCESS, AND I WILL NOT PUSH IT........................AND JIMMY IS UNDERSTANBDING AND DOES NOT PUSH ME EITHER...........

AND AS FOR JIMMY, I LET HIM DO WHAT HE WANTS...THE THINGS HE ENJOYS DOING AROUND THE HOUSE................

I LOOK AT HIM WHILE HE SLEEPS, AND REALIZE HE IS A MAN WHO EXISTED IN A PRISON.....................

JIMMY IS AS NORMAL AS CAN BE..............HE IS ALWAYS A HAPPY MAN, AND NEVER LETS ANYTHING BOTHER HIM................HE LOVES BEING MY HUSBAND, AND LOVES HIS PETS AMD HOME

AS FOR ME, I STILL LOOK AT THE OUTSIDE WORLD AS A VERY STRANGE PLACE................I HAVE A LITTLE TROUBLE BECOMING VERY CONNECTED WITH PEOPLE, AND THE OUTSIDE WORLD.........................IT IS LIKE "BEING HAPPY," EVEN FOR A FEW SECONDS, SEEMS VERY ODD AND STRANGE TO ME.....................AND IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME TO ACCEPT THE PEOPLE IN OUR SOCIETY.................YES, I JUST FEEL I AM NOT REALLY PART OF THEM.................WHEN I SEE PEOPLE TALKING AND LAUGHING, I CAN UNDERSTAND IT, BUT I JUST CANNOT BE PART OF IT YET.................

TRUTHFULLY, IT IS LIKE I AM A LITTLE AFRAID OF LETTING MYSELF GO...OF LETTING ANYONE KNOW WHO I AM, AND WHAT MY THOUGHTS ARE.....................

I STILL DO NOT FEEL PART OF THE WORLD, ALTHOUGH MY HUSBAND TRIES EACH DAY TO HELP ME THROUGH IT...........

ALL PRISONERS MUST GO TO VISIT THE PSYCHOLOGIST AT LEAST ONCE WHEN HOME.................JIMMY HAS AN APPOINTMENT NEXT WEEK.  AND THEN, AFTER THAT, I MAY GO SEE THE PSYCHOLOGIST, TO TALK THINGS OUT.....OR WHATEVER...................THEN, IF WE WANT TO, WE CAN VISIT THE PSYCHOLOGIST AS A COUPLE................WE'LL TAKE IT A STEP AT A TIME.....................

IT IS NOT THAT WE HAVE ANY INTENSE PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS, BUT YOU MUST REALIZE, THAT GOING THROUGH A PRISON PROCESS FOR YEARS, DOES HAVE A CERTAIN IMPACT ON ONE, AND IT IS GOOD TO GET INTO THE SWING OF THINGS, IN A NORMAL WAY..........

TRUTHFULLY, JIMMY AND I CONTINUE TO HAVE A GREAT TIME!.....................TODAY WE WENT TO THE BOARDWALK AT SEASIDE HEIGHTS, WITH A HUSBAND AND WIFE WHOM WE ARE FRIENDLY WITH.

IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL WARM, SUNNY DAY, AND THE OCEAN WAS BEAUTIFUL!..................JIMMY WHEELED ME DOWN THE ENTIRE BOARDWALK, AND WE STAYED THERE FOR 2 HOURS.........TRUTHFULLY, I NEED THOSE QUIET TIMES WITH NATURE, TO MAKE ME FEEL AT EASE.....

THEN, WE ALL WENT OUT TO DINNER AT THE "OLIVE GARDEN."  WHAT A WONDERFUL MEAL IT WAS, AND EVERYONE WAS CHEERFULLY TALKING..................JIMMY JUST LOVES ITALIAN FOOD, SO HE HAD PASTA AND SALAD, AND BREAD STICKS........I HAD SHRIMP AND RISOTTA...

NEXT WEEKEND HE MAY TAKEME TO THE COLUMBUS DAY FAIR ON THE BOARDWALK AT SEASIDE.

YESTERDAY, ON SUNDAY, WE WENT TO 1PM MASS AT ST. MAXIMILLIAN CHURCH.  WE REALLY ENJOYED IT, AND EVEN IN CHURCH, AS WE PRAY, JIMMY LIKES TO HOLD MY HAND THROUGHOUT THE SERVICE................NEXT WEEKEND, I WILL BAKE FOR THE MONTHLY CAKE SALE IN THE CHURCH.  .......................SOME OF YOU MAY REMEMER THAT IN THE FIRST YEAR OF JIMMY'S INCARCERATION, I BAKED EVER MONTH FOR THE CHURCH BAKE SALE..............BUT AS THE YEARS WENT BY, I STOPPED DOING IT, BUT WILL NOW RESUME IT.............

YESTERDAY, WE WENT OUT TO DINNER IN A NEW MEXICAN RESTAURANT WHICH WE FOUND...............IT WAS SO GREAT AND THE FOOD DELICIOUS...................TAMALES AND ENCHILADAS!............

LAST NIGHT, JIMMY DID ALL THE THINGS HE LIKES TO DO TO ME...............GAVE ME A PEDICURE..............A MANICURE, AND PAINTED MY NAILS!...............HE EVEN COLORED MY HAIR, WHICH HE LOVES TO DO.........A PRETTY SHADE OF PLATINUM BLONDE!

WE ALSO WATCHED A GOOD ROMANTIC MOVIE ON "ON DEMAND!"  (ABOUT A BRITISH ACTRESS WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH A YOUNGER MAN)

JIMMY SAYS THAT IN THE MORNING HE WILL TAKE ME TO BUY A NEW CAR....I BELIEVE IT IS AN SUV.  AND WE WILL STILL KEEP THE JAG.......................KNOWING MY HUSBAND, HE WILL BUY THIS NEW CAR IN AROUND 20 MINUTES, FLAT.  AS I ALWAYS SAY, JIMMY IS A VERY FAST AND QUICK MAN!

ON WEDNESDAY, HE WILL GO TO THE PAROLE OFFICE,  AS REQUIRED.

SO, EVERYTHING IS FALLING INTO PLACE.

THE BEST ADVICE, WHEN HUBBY RETURNS HOME, IS TO KEEP EVERYTHING ORGANIZED FOR HIM....................KEEP YOUR BOOKS AND CALENDERS IN ORDER............

JIMMY LOVES TO DO THINGS AND GO PLACES..............HE IS A VERY ACTIVE MAN.....HE WANTS ME WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES!................I LOVE GOING AROUND WITH HIM!...........BUT HE KNOWS NOT TO PUSH ME TOO MUCH AS I LIKE TO TAKE LIFE SLOWER...

I WILL  GO NOW, AND CLIMB BACK INTO BED, INTO JIMMY'S ARMS, WHICH ARE VERY MUSCULAR AND STRONG.............IT IS THE PLACE I FEEL SAFE AND PEACEFUL, AND CONTENT....................IT IS THE PLACE I LOVE TO BE!

.............................FRAN

(WE'RE HAVING COMPUTER PROBLEMS WITH COMCAST)

 

TIS ME AGAIN!

HI EVERYONE!

TIS ME, AGAIN!

IT IS 5;30 AM, AND JIMMY IS STILL SLEEPING, AND I SNUCK OUT OF BED TO WRITE , AND KEEP YOU UP TO DATE ON THINGS!

JIMMY ASKS ME EVERYDAY, TO WRITE IN THIS JOURNAL..............I FOUND IT HARD TO DO....................ONLY BECAUSE MY LIFE CHANGED.....................MY THOUGHTS CHANGED SO INTENSELY..................................I USED THIS JOURNAL FOR SEVERAL YEARS, TO WRITE WHAT WAS ON MY MIND..............WHAT WAS IN MY THOUGHTS.....................

AND NOW, WE/ I  HAVE ENTERED A NEW PHASE IN LIFE...............

JIMMY HAS BEEN HOME FOR 12 DAYS.......................OUR LIVES RIGHT NOW, ARE VERY DIFFERENT.................WE ARE VERY CONNECTED MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY.....................

I TRY TO RELEASE THE PAST, AND WANT ONLY TO THINK OF THE PRESENT......................

AND SO I THOUGHT TO MYSELF..."HOW DO I WRITE TODAY'S ENTRY?".................."FROM A PSYCHOLOGICAL, OR PHYSICAL POINT OF VIEW?"

FOR YOU PRISON WIVES, WHO HAVE HUSBANDS THAT HAVE JUST ARRIVED HOME, OR WILL SOON BE HOME, LET ME EXPLAIN........................................JUST LET LIFE "UNFOLD."

TAKE YOUR TIME....................RELAX.....................ALLOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS TO EMERGE.................DO NOT PRESSURE YOURSELF..................LET LIFE SIMPLY TAKE PLACE...................

JIMMY IS ALWAYS A VERY QUICK AND FAST MAN................BUT WITH ME, HE BEGINS TO RELAX..................AND OF COURSE, I RELAX WITH HIM.

AS FOR MYSELF, MY AGORAPHOBIA HAS PRETTY MUCH DISAPPEARED.....................JIMMY TAKES ME OUT EVERYDAY......TO MANY DIFFERENT PLACES.............I HAVE NOW STARTED TO GET USED TO THE PUBLIC , ONCE AGAIN....................I TOLD JIMMY, "IT WAS LIKE I WAS IN A BOX FOR THE PAST 3   1/2 YEARS, AND NOW, I HAVE FINALLY BEEN LET OUT.................IT IS A VERY FUNNY AND STRANGE EXPERIENCE, THAT I DON'T WISH ON ANYONE..................AND I WOULD TELL HIM, I HEAR THE PEOPLE TALKING ALL AROUND ME, IN PUBLIC, BUT I DO NOT FEEL PARTOF THEM.........................AND NOW, AFTER 12 DAYS OF GOING OUT AND AROUND, I STARTED TO BEGIN TO FEEL CONNECTED TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, ONCE AGAIN....................

BUT THE PEOPLE THAT WERE THERE FOR THE PAST 3  1/2 YEARS....WELL, THEY ARE STILL THERE, DOING THE SAME THING...................LEADING THEIR SAME MUNDANE LIVES.................YES, THOSE PEOPLE, WHOM I WILL NOT MENTION NAMES, ARE THE ONES WHO KEPT ME SOCIALLY ISOLATED FOR THE ENTIRE TIME MY HUSBAND WAS IN PRISON..........

FOR INSTANCE, JIMMY;'S FATHER, WHO LIVES LESS THAN 5 MINUTES AWAY, HAS NOT SEEN HIS SON YET.................I CALLED HIM SEVERAL TIMES TO TELL HIM JIMMY IS HOME, BUT .WELL, THIS IS WHAT IT IS.............

AND SO, ALL THE MISERABLE PEOPLE, THEIR LIFE GOES ON..................I ALWAYS TELL JIMMY I FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS PRISON THING, BECAUSE I CAN UNDERSTAND MYSELF EVEN MORE, AND THOSE AROUND ME.......

WHAT HAVE WE DONE, SINCE JIMMY HAS BEEN HOME?.............EVERYTHING!

WE WENT TO SEE THE MOVIE "BLACK DALIA," LAST THURSDAY.A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE......INTENSE, BUT SEDUCTIVE.....

IN THE MOVIE, JIMMY HELD ME IN HIS ARMS THE ENTIRE TIME.......AS HE ALWAYS HAD IN THE PAST YEARS............

WE ARE PLANNING TO GO SEE THE MOVIE ABOUT QUEEN ELIZABETH WHEN IT COMES OUT NEXT WEEK...............

WE HAVE GONE TO RESTAURANTS UPON RESTAURANTS........OVER  10, SINCE HIS ARRIVAL HOME.................AND JIMMY STILL LOVES TO COOK, AND EVERY MORNING I MAKE THE COFFEE, AS HE SAYS HE LOVES MY COFFEE!

JIMMY HAS CHANGED THE ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD!.......HE MOVES FURNTITURE AROUND, DID AND STILL DOES INTENSE CLEANING EVERYDAY, FOR A FEW HOURS EACH DAY.................THE ENTIRE COMPUTER ROOM IS CHANGED ROUND...............HE IS BUSY INTO DOING HIS ELECTRONICS...........FIXING THE COMPUTER THINGS...AND HE ATTACHED THE IPOD TO THE STEREO IN THE BEDROOM.................

WE BOTH DECIDED TO GET RID OF AS MUCH AS WE COULD.............THIS IS A NEW BEINNING TO LIFE, AND WE DID NOT WANT ANYTHING OF THE PAST....................

MOST OF MY CLOTHESHAVE BEEN CHANGED..............I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM THE PAST 3.6 YEARS..................AND SO, JIMMY HAS BOUGHT ME MANY NEW CLOTHES, JACKETS, AND IN A FEW DAYS A NEW COAT.............

HE BOUGHT ME A BEAUTIFUL BLACK LEATHER COACH HANDBAG, IN THE COACH STORE AT OCEAN COUNTY MALL.............IT IS GORGEOUS!.............

HE ALSO BOUGHT ME A BEAUTIFUL 2.5 KARET DIAMOND BRACELT, WHICH I REALLY LOVE.....AND ALSO ANOTHER CHARM FOR MY CHARM BRACLET, OF A CRESENT MOON, AND ANGEL ON IT...........

EVERYDAY, BEFORE WE GO OUT, JIMMY HELPS ME GET DRESSED  (HE EVEN LOVES TO WASH MY BACK IN THE SHOWER)...............HE PUTS ON MY KNEE HIGH STOCKINGS AND THE BLACK SHOES HE BOUGHT ME......................ONE PAIR IS CALLED BALLERINA SHOES, AND I JUST LOVE THOSE LITTLE SHOES!........................MY LEGS HAVE BECOME SLIM ONCE AGAIN, AND ARE NO LONGER EDEMATOUS AS THEY WERE THE PAST YEARS............................I HAVE STARTED WALKING MUCH BETTER NOW, ONCE AGAIN, WITH SHOES ON MY FEET..........................WE STILL TAKE THE WHEELCHAIR ALONG, AND JIMMY PUSHES ME, AND SOMETIMES I GET MY EXERCISE WALKING................

JIMMY HAD STANLEY STEAMER COME AND DO THE HOUSEHOLD CARPETS  LAST WEEK............I DEVELOPED ACUTE BRONCHITIS FROM THE CHEMICALS, AND HE TOOK ME TO THE E.R., LAST SUNDAY..............I LOST MY VOICE, TOO.................EVEN JIMMY WAS AFFECTED BY THE CHEMICALS, AND HAD A LITTLE COLD.............THEY GAVE ME BREATHING TX., AND PUT ME ON ANTIBX., AND COUGH SYRUP, AND INHALERS........................JIMMY KEPT TELLING ME, "LET'S GO THE THE ER."...................I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO GO, WHEN THE AREA AFFECTED IN MY LUNGS WAS TOO DEEP FOR ME TO COUGH UP..............THEY TOOK A C-XY, WHICH WAS FINE......................

IT IS WONDERFUL, TO HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL HUSBAND!......................HE TELLS ME THROUGHOUT THE DAY, THAT I AM A WONDERFUL WIFE..............THE BEST A MAN COULD HAVE!.............TO ME, HE IS THE BEST HUSBAND  A WIFE COULD HAVE!

HE IS CONSTANTLY KISSING ME, HOLDING ME, ETC.................EVEN NOW AS I WRITE THIS, I FEEL THE URGE TO CLIMB BACK INTO BED NEXT TO HIM, TO CUDDLE UP.AND I WILL VERY SOON!

YESTERDAY, WE WENT TO THE CHURCH, FOR FRIDAY'S BENEDICTION................JIMMY THANKED ME FOR SUGGESTING TO GO THERE...............IT WAS PEACEFUL, AND WE PRAYED AND MEDITATED.....................

LAST NIGHT, I ASKED JIMMY WHAT SHOULD I WRITE IN THE JOURNAL...HE SAID, "THAT WE ARE IN LOVE1"

.....AND YES, THAT IS SIMPLY WHAT IT IS!

BUT I MUST STRESS, TO THOSE PRISON WIVES  READING THIS THAT YOUR HUSBAND COMING HOME AFTER MANY YEARS, IS A PROCESS.................EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CONNECTED....................YOU MUST USE YOUR HEAD AND YOUR INTELLIGENCE, TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A PROCESS.....................

IT IS ALMOST LIKE A DE-PROGRAMING.  THE MAN IS NOW HOME, IN A DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT...............NO LONGER IN THE PRISON/HALF-WAY HOUSE...................AND SO, YOU MUST BOTH LET EVERYTHING FALL BACK INTO PLACE............SLOWLY.....................DO NOT PUSH ANYTHING................BE HAPPY.  BE CONTENT.............IT SIMPLY MEANS, TO LET ALL YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS FALL INTO PLACE NATURALLY AND NORMALLY...................IF EVERY MOMENT IS NOT WONDERFUL AND GREAT, IT IS OK............JUST RELAX AND GO WITH THE FLOW..............

WELL, I'LL SAY BYE FOR NOW, AND HOPE TO WRITE AGAIN SOON........................JIMMY WILL BE WRITING AN ENTRY SOON, AND MAY EVEN PUT OUR PIX HERE!                    :)

.................WITH LOVE,

                           FRAN

 

JIMMY IS HOME!

YES, EVERYONE!

JIMMY IS HOME!

I KNOW I KEPT YOU ALL IN SUSPENCE!....................BUT OUR LIVES HAVE BEEN ROLLING ALONG, SO RAPIDLY..............SO MANY THINGS TO DO!..................SO MUCH LOVE IN THE AIR!.................................JIMMY AND I ARE TOGETHER EVERY MINUTE, AS WE ALWAYS WERE BEFORE HIS INCARCERATION, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, NOW THAT HE IS HOME!

AND LIFE IS GREAT!...................WHAT MORE CAN I SAY!

JIMMY USES THE COMPUTER, BUT AS FOR ME, I USED IT SO MUCH FOR THE PAST 3.6 YEARS, WRITING THIS JOURNAL, ETC....................SO I TOOK A BREAK!.............AS MY LIFE IS SPENT WITH HUGS AND KISSES FROM JIMMY, RIGHT NOW!

I'LL EXPLAIN A LITTLE ABOUT WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING......................JIMMY CAME HOME ON MONDAY, 9/18/06................I HAD CALLED HIS FATHER, TO ASK TO PICK HIM UP............HE COULD NOT, AS WAS THE WAY IT WAS FOR THE PAST 3.6 YEARS...............NO DAD, NO HELP!

ALSO, ONCE AGAIN, 2 OF OUR FRIENDS , WHO KNEW JIMMY NEEDED TO BE DRIVEN HOME, COULD NOT MAKE IT EITHER.....................SEE WHAT I MEAN, PRISON WIVES?............THE PEOPLE WHOM YOU RELY ON, ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN, WITH HUBBY IN PRISON!

SO JIMMY FINALLY GOT HERE, AND THEN WE HAD THE PROBLEM OF GETTING TO RED BANK, NEW JERSEY, TO GO TO THE PAROLE OFFICE....UPON LEAVING THE HALF-WAY HOUSE, HE MUST REPORT TO THE PAROLE OFFICE THAT EXACT DAY...............IT IS A LITTLE MORE THAN A HALF HOUR AWAY, FROM OUR HOUSE.................................

AT FIRST WE HAD A LITTLE PROBLEM...........OUR CAR HAD A FLAT TIRE.................TAXI'S WERE TAKEN UP...........MY AUNT CALLED, TO WELCOME JIMMY HOME....................SO, WE FELT SO BLESSED THAT AUNT JO, AND HER BOYFRIEND, AND LITTLE MINIATURE DOGGIE, MIMI , DROVE US THERE IN HER NEW LINCOLN!

SO WE ARE DOING EVERYTHING THAT IS EXPECTED OF US!.....WE ARE FOLLOWING ALL THE RULES!

WE'VE BEEN DOING SO MANY THINGS, AND GOING SO MANY PLACES!........................YESTERDAY, JIMMY TOOK ME FOR BLOODWORK.............THEN WE STOPPED IN AN ITALIAN COFFEE SHOP FOR COFFEE, AND HE HAD AN ITALIAN PASTRY...........................AFTER THAT, HE TOOK ME TO A SHOE-STORE, AND BOUGHT ME 2 PAIRS OF BEAUTIFUL BLACK SHOES!....................YOU SEE, SINCE 2004, SINCE I HAD THE TOE AMPUTATION, NO ONE COULD TAKE ME FOR SHOES..........SO MY WALKING GOT WORSE AND WORSE, WEARING ONLY DARCO BOOTS, BECAUSE MY FEET ARE VERY NUMB......SO, I WAS ABLE TO KEEP THE SHOES ON FOR 5 HOURS AND I AM NOW STARTING TO WALK BETTER!

JIMMY, JUST NOW,  TOLD ME, TO START TO GET READY................HE WANTS TO TAKE ME TO THE SHOPPING MALL..TO MACY'S, AMD WANTS TO BUY ME SOME NEW CLOTHES!.....................WHAT A WONDERFUL HUSBAND I HAVE.................

I WILL WRITE AGAIN, AND KEEP YOU UP TO DATE ON WHAT IS HAPPENING IN OUR LIFE, AND WHERE WE ARE GOING, AND WHAT WE ARE DOING!............................

I GUESS THE RECLUSE THAT I WAS FOR 3 .6 YEARS, HAS NOW STARTED TO CHANGE, BECAUSE MY HUSBAND IS ONCE AGAIN HOME!............

TRUTHFULLY, I AM VERY LUCKY, BECAUSE I HAVE A HUSBAND WHO LIKES TO "WORK ON ME," AS HIS WIFE...........WHAT I MEAN IS THAT HE LIKES TO ALWAYS TRY TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME!

YOU SEE, AFTER BEING COOPED UP, FOR SO MANY YEARS, I HAVE ONCE AGAIN STARTED TO LIKE GETTING OIT, AND MOVING AROUND......................SO, JIMMY AND I ARE BOTH VERY ACTIVE NOW, AND WE LOVE IT!.........................AND THE BEST PART IS, THERE IS NO COUNT, NO GOING BACK AT 8 PM, ETC...........AT NIGHT WE LAY IN BED TOGETHER, HOLDING EACH OTHER, AND HAVING A VERY GOOD REST!

YESTERDAY, WE WENT OUT TO LUNCH, WITH C., WHO IS A FAN OF THIS BLOG.......YES, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE    :)........WE WENT TO AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT, AND HAD SOME GOOD FOOD, AND NICE TALK...........WE HAD A GREAT TIME, AND WILL DO IT AGAIN SOON!........................AT THE LUNCHEON, HE  (C), ESPECIALLY ASKED ME TO MAKE AN ENTRY IN THIS JOURNAL.................THAT IS, TO TELL THE READERS THAT JIMMY IS HOME, AND EVERYTHING IS GOING VERY WELL................................

WELL. HERE IS THE ENTRY, EVERYONE!...................AND I'LL KEEP YOU UP TO DATE!.......................................FRAN

a love letter

IT IS NOW 1:30 AM, SUNDAY, 9/17/06

JIMMY WILL BE HOME, FOR GOOD TOMORROW..........ON MONDAY, 9/18/06

IT IS ALMOST UNBELIEVABLE.

WE SPOKE AS USUAL, MANY TIMES ON THE PHONE TODAY. 

WE FEEL THAT THROUGH THE YEARS OF JIMMY BEING IN PRISON, WE HAD IN SOME UNUSUAL WAY ALMOST PUT OURSELVES IN SOME DETACHED STATE OF MIND................ALMOST LIKE A TRANCE..........JUST SO WE CCOULD GET THROUGH IT

NOW, WE ARE BACK TO OUR NORMAL, USUAL SELVES.......

JIMMY SAYS HE ALMOST CAN'T BE.LIEVE THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY 3.6 YEARS OF BEING AWAY....................AS FOR ME, I TOLD HIM I REALLY DIDN;T WANT TO REMEMBER TOO MUCH ABOUT THE LAST 3.6 YEARS............I REALLY AM TRYING TO PUT THE PAST OUT OF MY MIND

WE ARE BOTH CALM AT THIS TIME...............

COMING HOME IS A NORMAL STATE AND IT IS NORMAL FOR JIMMY TO BE HERE.............THIS IS WHERE HE BELONGS.............THIS IS HIS HOME, AND WE ARE MARRIED, AND HAVE OUR 3 PETS..........WE HAVE A LOVING HOME......

I FEEL VERY PEACEFUL................HAPPY INSIDE AND OUT..........VERY CALM.

PEOPLE MAY SAY, "OH, IT IS A TIME TO CELEBRATE!".............

IN ONE WAY IT IS A CELEBRATION.BUT IN ANOTHER WAY, IT IS A NORMAL PHASE OF LIFE........................IT IS THE PASSAGE INTO THE NEXT ASPECT OF LIFE...

JIMMY AND I ARE INTENSELY IN LOVE, AND YET WE ARE ALSO ON AN EVEN KEEL.........................IN OUR LIFE, WE FOLLOW THE RULES, AND LIVE A GOOD CLEAN LIFE...........

AND SO, I ENJOYED MYSELF BY WASHING JIMMY'S CLOTHES TODAY!

STRANGE AS IT MAY SEEM!

JIMMY HAS BOUGHT ALL HIS CLOTHES HOME,  HE USUALLY WASHES HIS OWN CLOTHES.  HOWEVER, TODAY I DID IT!................AND I JUST LOVED DOING IT!.................SEPERATING THE WHITES FROM THE COLOR CLOTHES................HIS PANTS FROM THE SHIRTS.................WHAT A JOY TO WASH YOUR HUSBAND'S CLOTHES!.............EVERYTHING IS NOW HANGING NEATLY IN THE CLOSET FOR HIM!...........................THE SIMPLE JOYS IN LIFE!...............

THANK YOU, DEAR LORD, FOR ALLOWING ME THE SIMPLE JOYS IN LIFE!

PEACE, BALANCE AND HARMONY.............THE 3 WORDS I ALWAYS LIKE TO SAY, AND THINK, INSIDE OF ME...........

I RECEIVED THIS BEAUTIFUL LOVE LETTERIN THE MAIL TODAY,  FROM JIMMY, AND I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE IT WITH EVERYONE..................

 

MY DEAREST WIFE,

THE RAIN IS POUNDING HARD AGAINST MY WINDOW, THIS MIDNIGHT.  IN 8 HOURS I WILL BE HOME ON MY LAST FURLOUGH. I TINGLE WITH THE THOUGHT THAT I WILL SOON HOLD YOU.....KISS YOU.  YES, MY LITTLE ONE.  I WILL HAVE TO LEAVE YOU AT 8PM, BUT I WILL RETURN MONDAY MORNING.  AND I SWEAR THAT I WILL  NEVER BE PHYSICALLY APART FROM YOU AGAIN. 

MY LITTLE BRIDE...YOU HAVE SHOWN YOURSELF TO BE, OVER THE TIME OF MY INCARCERATION, THE BEST THAT A WIFE CAN POSSIBLY BE. 

I THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES  FOR LOVING ME.

I AM A BETTER MAN BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME.

MAYBE I REPEAT WHAT I SAY, HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF TIMES, BUT I HAVE NO OTHER WORDS.

I WAS TOLD, HOW GREAT YOUR LOVE IS. , AND HOW YOU MADE THE CHOICE TO BE WITH ME, BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME FREELY.......WILLING.,...............AND WHOLEFULLY. 

THAT I NEED NOT THANK YOU, FOR YOUR LOVE, AS IT IS A GIFT YOU GIVE TO ME WILLINGLY.

I AM A VERY LUCKY MAN.  NEVER DID I SEE MYSELF  DESERVING ANYONE LIKE YOU.

WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT LIFE TOGETHER..............LOTS OF FUN...........LOVE...................JOY......................AND WE WILL GIVE IT OUT TO THE WORLD!

YOUR LOVING SOULMATE AND HUSBAND,

JIMMY

 

GOOD NITE, EVERYONE, AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

             ....FRAN

CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

IT IS NOW SATURDAY 12:45 AM.  JIMMY WILL BE RELEASED AND HOME FOR GOOD, FROM THE HALFWAY HOUSE, ON MONDAY MORNING.

RIGHT NOW, I FEEL IT IS ALMOST UNBELIEVABLE!.....THE TIME HAS ACTUALLY ARRIVED, AFTER WAITING  3  1/2 YEARS.

JIMMY WAS HOME TODAY, ON HIS 12 HOUR FURLOUGH.  HE TOLD ME OVER AND OVER THAT HE LOVES ME..........WE WERE IN EACH OTHERS ARMS MOST OF THE DAY.  HE LIKES TO HOLD ME IN HIS ARMS, AND GAZE IN MY EYES..........

HE TOLD ME THAT I AM THE ONE IMPORTANT PERSON HERE ON THIS EARTH THAT IS IMPORTANT TO HIM.........AND I TELL HIM HE IS THE ONLY IMPORTANT PERSON FOR ME ON THIS PLANET............

ACTUALLY FOR ME, GOING THROUGH THIS PRISON PROCESS WAS A NORMAL THING. JIMMY COMMITTED A CRIME, AMND I AM HIS WIFE....... YES, IT WAS ROUGH.  BUT, I NEVER, EVER STOPPED LOVING MY HUSBAND.

ALSO, NOW THAT HE IS COMING HOME, I FEEL EXCITED IN ONE WAY, BUT I ALSO FEEL LIKE IT IS SIMPLY NORMAL.  HE BELONGS HERE, AS THE HUSBAND OF THIS HOUSEHOLD..........IT IS SIMPLY NORMAL FOR HIM TO BE HOME................

I KNOW MOST PEOPLE WOULD LOVE JIMMY!  TODAY HE ONCE AGAIN COOKED.............PORK CHOPS WITH SALAD FOR ME, ALOMNG WITH SOME SHELLS AND BUTTER FOR HIM!  YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW SPOTLESS HE LEAVES THE PLACE!  HE LOVES TO DO ALL THE HOUSECLEANING, AND HE ALWAYS TELLS ME HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO DO ANYTHING, ALTHOUGH I ALWAYS HAD TO DO A LITTLE, LIKE MOPPING AND VACUUMING, AS WE HAVE 3 PETS..............WHEN HE GETS HOME, HE WILL SOON HAVE PROFESSIONALS COME AND CLEAN THE CARPETS...............

JIMMY TOLD ME TODAY THAT HE IS VERY HAPPY BEING A MARRIED MAN.  HE FEELS IT IS NATURAL AND COMFORTABLE FOR HIM TO BE MARRIED..................AND IT IS THE SAME FOR ME.................AS YOU ALL KNOW, JIMMY AND I WERE MARRIED APRIL 29, 2001...............

AND SO, I WILL GO TO SLEEP NOW, AND THINK OF JIMMY.  HE IS VERY HAPPY, AND EXCITED ABOUT COMIMG HOME SO VERY SOON!

HOWEVER, OF COURSE HE WILL CALL ME IN THE MORNING,  AROUND 7 AM, AND WE WILL CONTINUE TO CHAT ON THE PHONE!...........AFTER ALL, WE ARE SO USED TO IT!

GOOD NITE!.....................FRAN

4 MORE DAYS TO GO

JUST 4 MORE DAYS TO GO.  TODAY IS WEDNESDAY, AND HE WILL BE HOME ON MONDAY.  HE WILL ALSO HAVE A 12 HOUR FURLOUGH ON FRIDAY................

JIMMY FEELS VERY EXCITED...............HE SAID ON THE PHONE, THAT HE FEELS LIKE A RACE-HORSE, READY TO GO!

TODAY, JIMMY MENTIONED THE "COMING HOME CAKE" HE WOULD LIKE...........

AS THE DAY APPROACHES, I AM GETTING MORE EXCITED.............HOWEVER, I TRY  NOT TO DWELL ON IT TOO MUCH, UNTIL THE TIME IS HERE.....................I REALLY CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM ON FRIDAY!

JIMMY SIGNED HIS RELEASE PAPERS THE OTHER DAY, SO WE ARE HAPPY ABOUT THAT!

MOST LIKELY HIS FRIEND WILL DRIVE ME ON MONDAY, TO PICK JIMMY UP.  HIS FRIEND IS ON A CRUISE THIS WEEK, AND RETURNS SUNDAY....SO WE WILL SEE.  HIS FRIEND HAS A MERCEDES CONVERTIBLE, AND MAY BE TOO SMALL FOR JIMMY, MYSELF, AND JIMMY'S BELONGINGS, SO WE ARE MOST LIKELY HAVING ANOTHER FRIEND, AND HIS WIFE, THERE TO DRIVE US BACK.........................SO, YES, IT WILL BE A JOLLY TIME!

JIMMY WILL REPORT, AS INSTRUCTED , DIRECTLY TO THE PAROLE OFFICE...................

JIMMY ALWAYS SAYS THAT I AM THE ONE IN LIFE WHO CHANGED HIS CRIMANALISTIC WAYS....................THAT HE WILL NEVER COMMIT A CRIME AGAIN, DUE TO ME BEING IN HIS LIFE, AND HIS WIFE........................TRUTHFULLY, I FEEL REALLY HONORED FOR A HUMAN BEING, WHO IS MY HUSBAND, TO FEEL THIS WAY, AND SAY SUCH A THING............................I AM JUST A HUMBLE, QUIET PERSON, IN REALITY....................ACCORDING TO JIMMY, HE HAS NEVER MET A PERSON LIKE ME IN LIFE..............WELL, IT'S THE SAME WAY FOR ME.  I NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE JIMMY IN LIFE.  AND I ALWAYS TELL HIM, THE ONE THING THAT TURNS ME ON ABOUT HIM IS HIS INTELLIGENCE............I LOVE A VERY INTELLIGENT MAN...........AND I'M SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW HE IS HIGHLY INTELLIGENT  :)    ................THAT'S ABOUT THE END OF MY INTELLECT  :)    .............BUT WE HAVE FUN IN SO MANY WAYS.....................LAUGHING, TALKING, JOKING..............TALKING ABOUT THINGS IN THE NEWS, PEOPLES LIVES..............EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING..................

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR THEIR NICE COMMENTS, AND THEIR GOOD WISHES, AND HAPPINESS, TO KNOW THAT JIMMY WILL SOON BE HOME.

MANDYMEME....THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENT(S).......................YOU HAVE READ THIS JOURNAL FOR A LONG TIME, AND ALSO HAVE A HUSBAND IN PRISON................SO, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS LIKE!.......................YES, JIMMY WILL WRITE SOME ENTRIES HERE, WHEN HE IS HOME................

WE ESPECIALLY WOULD LIKE THIS JOURNAL TO CONTINUE TO HELP THOSE WIVES/ GIRLFRIENDS/FAMILIES OF THOSE WITH LOVED ONES IN PRISON...................

THIS JOURNAL WILL GO ON...................

IT IS FOR THE HAPPINESS OF JIMMY AND MYSELF, TO HELP OTHERS, WHO ARE OUT THERE, EXPERIENCING THIS ROUGH TIME.................

MANDYMEME............ABOUT THE PASSAGE OF TIME.  WHAT I DID, ALONG THE WAY (ABOUT 1  1/2  YEARS AGO), WAS TO START UNDERSTANDING TIME DIFFERENTLY ....................PEOPLE IN OUR WORLD, THINK OF TIME AS HOURS, DAYS, MONTHS AND YEARS.....FOR MOST PEOPLE, THE PASSAGE OF TIME IS FROM SEASON, TO SEASON, AND FROM HOLIDAY TO HOLIDAY.......................I REMOVED MYSELF, FROM THAT. I STARTED TO UNDERSTAND THE TRUE CONCEPT OF TIME.....................TIME, AS IT IS , ACCORDING TO GOD............TIME, FOR ME, BEGAN AS "AN EXPANSION OF TIME."....................TIME EXISTED AS ONE BIG EXPANSION..........IT DID NOT REALLY EXIST AS HOURS, OR DAYS......................................AND SO, I FELT A VERY BIG EXPANSION OF TIME, IN THAT I SAW THE TIME PERIOD FROM EACH NANOSECOND, UNTIL THE TIME JIMMY WOULD COME HOME.........................I KNOW THIS ALL SOUNDS SILLY, TO MOST PEOPLE, BUT IN A WAY, IT IS PHILOSOPHICAL....................EINSTEIN'S THEORIES SPOKE ABOUT TIME............................AND YES TIME DOES COMPRESS,,,THE FIRST TIME WE SAW EACH OTHER, AFTER A VERY LONG TIME....YEARS, JIMMY AND I FELT TIME COMPRESS, AND THAT IT FELT LIKE HE HAD WALKED OUT THE DOOR YESTERDAY..............MOST OF THIS IS THE ABILITY OF ONE TO CONTROL THEIR MINDS...........

SOME MAY SAY MY THOUGHTS ARE CRAZY.  HOWEVER,  I FEEL VERY BLESSED TO BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THIS, AND TO EXPERIENCE IT....................................WITHOUT YOUR LOVED ONE IN PRISON, IT WOULD BE VERY HARD TO UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.  ALSO, THE PASSAGE OF TIME WAS UNDERSTOOD,  AS I GAZED UP IN THE SKY, TO SEE THE POSITION OF THE SUN AND MOON...................TO WATCH NATURE MOVE FROM SEASON TO SEASON, AS WE LIVE IN A PERFECT WORLD, ACCORDING TO NATURE.

HOPE I DIDN'T BORE ALL  OF YOU!.............THAT WAS MY WAY OF DEALING WITH IT ALL!...............................FRAN

 

 

THE COUNTDOWN

4 MORE DAYS TO GO UNTIL JIMMY COMES HOME FOR GOOD...............

IT IS NOW 9/13/06........WEDNESDAY

HE WILL BE HOME FOR GOOD ON MONDAY, 9/18/06

THE COUNTDOWN IS ON................

WE JUST CAN'T WAIT ...........

AT THIS POINT, THE TIME IS A LITTLE SLOW, AND SEEMS TO DRAG ON.

HOWEVER, JIMMY WILL STILL BE COMING HOME FOR HIS 12 HOUR FURLOUGH , THIS COMING FRIDAY.

HE WANTED TO COME HOME AGAIN ON SUNDAY, FOR ANOTHER FURLOUGH, BUT DOESN'T THINK HE CAN.............ONCE AGAIN THE ROOM IS BEING PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING LIKE A DIRTY ROOM................SO, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, THE FURLOUGHS HAVE BEEN CUT IN HALF FOR EVERYONE..

I EVEN TOLD JIMMY, IT IS OK, BECAUSE YOU WILL BE COMING HOME FOR GOOD ON MONDAY, THE NEXT DAY, ANYHOW...................HE STILL COMTINUES TO SAY, "FRAN, I AM SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU, I HAVE TO SPEND EVERY MINUTE THAT I CAN WITH YOU."

WELL, WE ARE BOTH VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.................DESPITE 3.6 YEARS IN PRISON.............

IT IS A NICE FEELING TO LOVE SOMEOME SO MUCH, AND TO BE LOVED BY SOMEONE SO VERY MUCH.............

JIMMY IS REALLY HAPPY AND ELATED WHEN HE TALKS ON THE PHONE TO ME..................HE TELLS ME ALL DIFFERENT THINGS HE WOULD LIKE TO DO, WHEN HOME..

THE FIRST THING IS, HE WANTS TO STAY HOME WITH ME AS LONG AS HE CAN..................IN OTHERWORDS, HE WANTS TO LAY IN BED WITH ME, AND MAKE LOVE, OVER AND OVER.............................HE SAID IT MAY TAKE DAYS   :)

HE JUST DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE TO GO BACK, OR RUN FOR COUNT................HE SIMPLY WANTS TO RELAX WITH ME...................AND I FEEL THE SAME WAY............

NOW, SINCE I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR, I WILL MAKE EVERYONE LAUGH!..................JIMMY HAS COME HOME ON AROUND 25 FURLOUGHS, SINCE AROUND MAY OR JUNE.  NOW, THOSE FURLOUGHS ARE 12 HOURS...............WE LAY IN BED WITH EACH OTHER FOR AT LEAST 6 HOURS EACH TIME ON THE 12 HOUR FURLOUGH.................THE FURLOUGHS WERE USUALLY TWICE A WEEK.................NOW, HEY, THAT WAS A LOT OF EXERCISE FOR ME  :)...................AFTER ALL, I AM A 53 YEAR OLD WOMAN!.....................BUT HEY, I WAS ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH MY HUSBAND!...............................LOL....................................AFTER ALL, A MAN IN PRISON NEEDS TO BE WITH HIS WIFE/WOMAN MORE THAN ANYONE CAN IMAGINE.........................WELL, WE HAPPEN TO BE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER!

SO, NOW, WHEN HE COMES HOME ON MONDAY, WE WILL CLOSE THE DOOR, AND RELAX WITH EACH OTHER!

HE ALSO ASKED ME TO MAKE HIM HIS FAVORITE MEATLOAF, THAT I MAKE A SPECIAL WAY IN THE WOK, WITH GINGER ANBD GARLIC..................A READER ASKED FOR JIMMY'S RECIPES, AND I WILL  TRY AND GET HIM TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU.................HE IS A GOOD ITALIAN COOK!  HE LOVES PASTA...........ANY SHAPE, WAY, OR FORM.............SO, I'LL COOK SOME PASTA , TOO!

JIMMY CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE ME SHOPPING AT THE MALL, AND GO TO MACY'S, AND BUY ME SOME NEW CLOTHES..............HE LOVES TO SHOP FOR ME..............WE USED TO WALK IN THE WOMAN'S DEPT., AND JIMMY WOULD PULL OFF THE RACK SO MANY CLOTHES FOR ME..............THIS, THIS.THAT , THAT................HE WOULD BUY ME BUNDLES OF CLOTHES!...............PANTS, DRESSES, JACKETS, COATS......................AND OH YES, YOU SHOULD SEE HIM WITH ME IN THE LINGERIE DEPT!   :)  ...........HE USED TO BUY ME LOTS OF NIGHTIES, ETC..................HE LOVES IT, AND I DO TOO....................HE IS JUST A WONDERFUL MAN!.....................WHAT CAN I SAY!

AND OH YES, I KNOW HE JUST CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE ME TO THE BEAUTY PARLOR TO HAVE MY HAIR DONE!........

I GUESS I FORGOT ABOUT MYSELF THESE PAST FEW YEARS, BUT HE WILL BE HOME AGAIN, AND WILL PERK ME UP"

ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING, IS THAT WE WANT TO START GOING TO THE MOVIES ONCE AGAIN..............WE WILL GO NEXT WEEK, I'M SURE.....................WE USED TO SEE AT LEAST 1 TO 2 MOVIES PER WEEK..............AND OF COURSE, THERE IS THE POPCORN!

JIMMY HAS ALREADY SIGNED HIS RELESE PAPERS...........SO, IT WON'T BE LONG NOW...........

IN THIS JOURNAL, I HAVE ALWAYS SPOKEN ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF "TIME."  ONCE AGAIN, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, TIME IS MAN MADE..............CLOCKS, LINEAR CALENDERS, ETC.................................BUT IN GOD'S WORLD, THE CONCEPT OF TIME DOES NOT EXIST.............................TIME IS ETERNAL.....TIME IS SPIRAL...............NEVER-ENDING.

AND SO, I BELIEVE THAT TIME CAN COMPRESS, AND EXPAND AT A PERSON'S WILL.  WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT FOR JIMMY AND MYSELF, TIME HAS ACTUALLY COMPRESSED.  THAT IS, WHEN HE COMES BACK HOME ON MONDAY, I WILL ALLOW MY MIND TO THINK THAT JIMMY HAD ONLY GONE AWAY TO THE STORE, FOR A FEW MINUTES.THAT HE IS BACK HOME FROM THE STORE, AND LIFE GOES ON FOR US, AS IT SHOULD BE..................YES, TIME COMPRESSED INTO JUST A FEW MINUTES.............NOT THE 3.6 YEARS..........................YOU SHOULD TRY IT, MY PRISON WIVES, TO THINK OF IT IN THAT WAY......................HUBBY MAY BE AWAY, BUT IN YOUR MIND YOU CAN ACTUALLY COMPRESS TIME, AND IT WILL BE ONLY A FEW SECONDS OR MINUTES THAT HE IS AWAY, AND WILL RETURN HOME, VERY SOON............................GOD BLESS YOU ALL..........

                                                                FRAN

 

GETTING CLOSE

IT IS NOW 9/12/06

5 MORE DAYS TO GO, AND THEN THE WAKE-UP DAY, WHEN JIMMY COMES HOME.

WHEN WE TALK ON THE PHONE, HE IS VERY HAPPY, AND LAUGHING, AND JOKING..........HE IS ALMOST "GIDDY" YOU MAY SAY................HE FEELS HE CANNOT BELIEVE HE WILL SOON BE HOME FOR GOOD, VERY SOON

BY THIS TIME NEXT WEEK, HE WILL BE HOME...................IT IS ALMOST UNBELIEVABLE!

ALSO, HE IS COMING HOME THIS THURSDAY AND SATURDAY, ON 12 HOUR FURLOUGHS............

................................................FRAN

COUNTDOWN

7 DAYS TO GO, AND 1 WAKE-UP  DAY.....

IT IS 9/10, TODAY, AND HIS RELEASE DATE IS 9/18/06.......

IT IS VERY SOON..................

I KIND OF WONDER HOW IT WILL BE FOR THIS MAN, OR ANY MAN, FOR THAT MATTER, NOT TO HAVE TO SLEPP IN A ROOM FILLED WITH MANY OTHER MEN...............TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP IN HIS OWN ROOM, NOW, WITH HIS WIFE.............

YES, FOR 3.5 YEARS, JIMMY SLEPT IN A BIG ROOM WITH OTHER MEN.....................

HE SLEPT FOR 3.6 YEARS IN A SMALL, HARD BUNK BED.............WITH MAYBE 1 PILLOW A RIPPED UP PIECE OF SHEET.........................HIS BUBKIE SLEEPING ABOVE HIM...............THINGS LIKE THAT.................NOW, HE WILL BE HOME FOR GOOD IN HIS SOFT, KING SIZE BED, FILLED WITH MANY PILLOWS, COMFORTERS, AND SOME STUFFED ANIMALS....................AND OH YES, THE 2 CATS AND DOG LAYING ON THE BED, AND RUNNING AROUND.........

..........YES, TJHE SIMPLE PLEASURES IN LIFE!

FUNNY THING IS, JIMMY NEVER, EVER COMPLAINED OF IT ALL.............................EVEN WHEN HE WAS LOCKED AWAY IN A 9 FT. BY 8 FT. CELL................AND COULD CALL ME ONCE A DAY, WHEN HE WAS LET OUT FOR A FEW MINUTES............

AND THEN, THERE WAS THE TIME, THE PHONES WERE OFF IN BAYSIDE STATE PRISON............THEY WERE HAVING A PROBLEM WITH THE PHONE SYSTEM..............JIMMY AND I COULD NOT SPEAK TO EACH OTHER FOR SOMETHING LIKE 46 DAYS, AT THAT TIME.............

AND SO, HE WILL SOON BE HOME...........COMFORTABLE AND AT PEACE IN HIS OWN HOUSE............HIS OWN BED, WITH HIS WIFE AND PETS...................

AMD OH YES, THERE WILL BE NO MORE "COUNT.".............HE IS SO USED TO "COUNT,' THAT I HOPE HE WILL FORGET IT, AFTER HE ARRIVES HOME.........

.FRAN

ANSWER TO COMMENT

IN ANSWER TO NOTTY'S COMMENT, IN THE LAST ENTRY......

YOU ARE THE PRIME EXAMPLE OF HOW MOST PEOPLE LOOK AT PRISONER'S WIVES.  WELL., JUST BECAUSE ONE'S HUSBAND MAY BE IN PRISON, IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR A WOMAN TO BE ON WELFARE, AND FOOD STAMPS, ETC.................I AM FORTUNATE TO BE ABLE TO  PAY LARGE PHONE BILLS FOR THE PAST 3.6 YEARS.............AND YES, EVEN  OWN A CELL PHONE..YES, I EVEN OWN A JAGUAR, FOR YOUR INFO!

BEING A PRISONER'S WIFE DOES NOT MEAN ONE HAS TO BE LIVING IN THE POOR HOUSE! 

I HOPE ALL THOSE WOMEN THAT READ THIS JOURNAL ARE DOING THINGS RIGHT NOW, TO BETTER THEMSELVES............GO TO SCHOOL........TAKE SOME COURSES..............GO TO COLLEGE............GO TO VO-TECH SCHOOL................TRY TO BETTER YOURSELF, EVEN THOUGH HUBBY IS IN PRISON, OR A HALF-WAY HOUSE.............START A CAREER...........GET A GOOD JOB...............THE LIST GOES ON AND ON..................

DON'T BE LIKE MOST OF THE WOMEN I SAW ON LINE AT BAYSIDE PRISON..............OR THOSE WOMEN I ATTENDED A COUPLE OF FAMILY CLASSES WITH AT TALBOT HALL.................MAYBE HALF, BUT NOT ALL THE WOMAN, DID LOOK DRUGGED UP THEMSELVES...............SOME WOMEN I SPOKE WITH ON THE PHONE, WHO WERE PROUD TO TELL ME THEY WERE ON WELFARE AND MEDICAID............

DON'T BE LIKE THAT!....................START TODAY TO BETTER YOURSELF.  AND WITH A GOOD JOB, AND LET'S SAY A GOOD PROFESSION, YOU CAN MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF YOURSELF............................YOU DON'E HAVE TO BE CONSIDERDD A "POOR PERSON," JUST BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND IS IN PRISON............

START TODAY...........BETTER YOURSELF..............JUST THINK ABOUT IT..................I THOUGHT ABOUT IT MY WHOLE LIFE, AND BETTERED MYSELF, ALONG THE WAY..........

AND BY THE WAY, ALSO IN ANSWER TO YOUR COMMENT, I DID NOT EAT THE CAT AND DOG, ALONMG WITH THE ROASTED CHICKEN!...................WHAT I MEANT IS, THE CATS AND DOG, ALWAYS EAT THE ROASTED CHICKEN, ALONG WITH ME!

JIMMY CAME HOME LAST THURSDAY.IT WAS HIS 24TH FURLOUGH HOME, AMND WAS GREAT, AS USUAL!

THE BIG COUNTDOWN IS NOW ON...........JIMMY WILL BE HOMEFOR GOOD ON 9/18................THAT IS A MONDAY........................TODAY IS 9/9

SO, IT IS NOW, AS OF TODAY, 8 MORE DAYS, AND A WAKE-UP DAY (MEANING HE COMES HOME THAT DAY).

GOOD NITE!..............................FRAN

COUNTING THE DAYS

JIMMY CAME HOME YESTERDAY, ON TUESDAY, FOR HIS 23RD TIME HOME.  AND NOW, HE IS ONCE AGAIN COMING BACK HOME TOMORROW, FOR THE 24TH TIME.

THE TIME FOR HIS DAY TO COME HOME FOR GOOD IS APPROACHING RAPIDLY.

HE WILL COME HOME FOR GOOD, MOST LIKELY ON 9/17/06.  SO, TODAY IS NOW 9.7.  SO, YU MAY SAY HE WILL BVE HOME FOR GOOD IN 9 DAYS, AND ON THE 10TH WAKE-UP DAY, HE WILL BE HOME.

JIMMY SAYS THE BEST PART OF THE DAY HE COMES HOME FOR GOOD, IS THAT HE KNOWS HE WILL NOT HAVE TO LEAVE HIS HOME AT 8PM, TO RETURN TO THE HALF-WAY BACK HOUSE.  WE WILL BE ABLE TO DO THINGS LIKE WATCH TVM WATCH SOME MOVIES, ETC.  AND THEN WHEN NIGHT ROLLS AROUND, LETS SAY AROUND 11 PM, JIMMY LIKES TO FALL ASLEEP, AND I WILL BE IN HIS ARMS...................AND WE WILL BE SLEEPING NEXT TO EACH OTHER................................AND THEN IN THE BACK OF OUR MINDS, WE WILL KNOW THAT THE NEXT DAY WILL DAWNM AND WE CAN START LIFE AFRESH.

AND SO, WE BOTH FEEL PEACEFUL AND CALM AT THIS TIME.....................WE WILL TAKE THINGS EASILY, AS LIFE ENFOLDS FOR US.......................I WANT JIMMY TO REST, AND DO THE THINGS HE LIKES TO DO,...................I IMAGIBE IT MUST BE DIFFICULT LIVING FOR 3  1/2 YEARS IN A PRISON WITH SO MANY OTHER MEN...........YOIR LIFE BEING CONTROLEED AND SHARED WITH OTHERS.............AND AT HOME, IN HIS HOUSE, JIMMY IS THE KING HERE..........

HE TOLD ME HE CAN'T WAIT TO START CLEANING OUT ONE CLOSET, WHERE WE KEEP ALL THE HOLIDAY DECORATIONS..................HE WANTS TO GET OUT THE HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS, AS HE LOVES DECORATING FOR HALLOWEEN.......................AND I KNOW WE WILL GO BUY SOME MORE THINGS TOO!

YESTERDAY ON HIS FURLOUGH HOME, WHICH WAS TUESDAY, WE HAD A GREAT DAY!  IT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF OUR BEST DAYS....................AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY.......

WE DID ALL OUR ERRANDS EARLY.  JIMMY TOOK ME TO BJ'S, AND HE LOVES TO BUY ME THE ROASTED CHICKEM, THERE, WHICH I LOVE TO EAT, ALONG WITH THE DOG, AND 2 CATS!

WE WERE BACK HOME BY 10:30 am, AND THEN WATCHED 'THE VIEW," WHICH WAS THE FIRST SHOW OF THE SEASON, WITH ROSIE O'DONNEL.  THE SHOW WAS PRETTY GOOD.........ROSIE IS CALM, SINCE IT IS THE BEGINNING...........SOMETIME LATER, ALONG THE WAY, SHE WILL BECOME HER OUTSPOKEN SELF...............I LIKE ROSIE, AND JIMMY AND I ALWAYS ENJOY WATCHING "THE VIEW."

AND THEN, JIMMY AND I WERE IN BED BY 12 NOON.  IT WAS A GREY, RAINEY DAY....AMD WE BOTH ENJOYED IT THAT WAY..................IT WAS A VERY ROMANTIC DAY FOR US!....................LISTENING TO THE PITTER PATTER OF THE RAINDROPS...............IN EACH OTHERS ARMS...........

JIMMY LOVES TO MASSAGE ME.................MY BACK, MY ARMS, MY HANDS, MY FEET, ETC.......................HE NEVER GETS TIRED OF DOING IT....................HE ALSO LOVES TO FONDLE MY BLONDE HAIR, AND PLAY WITH IT.

SO, WE WERE VERY MUCH INTERMINGLED WITH EACH OTHER THAT DAY......................GAZING INTO EACH OTHERS EYES...................KISSING ALL DAY, AND JUST BEING SO IN LOVE.................

WE ARE 2 PEOPLE WHO SIMPLY LOVE BEING N LOVE................WE LOVE BEING IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.............................AND FOR US, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE, IS TO BE INTERMINGLED WITH EACH OTHER.......................

WHENEVER I MOVE, HE ALWAYS REACHES OUT FOR ME..............HE IS FOREVER HOLDING ME, AND TOUCHING ME.......................................WE WERE LIKE THIS FOR THE 2 YEARS BEFORE PRISONM AND WE HAVE REALLY NEVER STOPPED, ALTHOUGH FOR PERIODS OF TIME, PRISON WALLS SEPERATED US.

WE LOVE BEING MARRIED................

WE SAY THAT WE ARE "ONE"................AND WE ARE.

MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT BETWEEN HUSBAND, WIFE, AND GOD................

JIMMY AND I EXPRESS OUR LOVE EVERY MOMENT TO EACH OTHER..........................EVEN ON THE PHONE, AS IT HAS BEEN THESE 3.6 YEARS.............

PEOPLE ALWAYS LOOK AT US IN PUBLIC.  THEY SAY WE GLOW.  WE ARE FOREVER TOGETHER...............HE ALWAYS HOLDS MY HAND........JE OPENS EVERY DOOR FOR ME.........I HOLD HIM AROUND THE WAIST.........................AND AS YOU ALL KNOW, I AM 53, AND JIMMY IS 51.

SOME PEOPLE MAY EVEN SAY, "MY GOSH, THE 2 OF YOU ARE OBCESSED WITH EACH OTHER!.............................AND YES WE ARE    :)                                          JIMMY ALWAYS JOKES WITH ME, THAT HE IS OBCESSED WITH ME................AND WE BOTH LIKE IT THAT WAY...............BECAUSE, BESIDES ALL THAT , WE ARE 2 MATURE PEOPLE WHO ARE VERY CENTERED AND FOCUSED................

I ALWAYS JOKE WITH HIM........"WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE HUNDREDS, IF NOT THOUSANDS OF WOMEN YOU DATED BEFORE MARRYING ME?.................MOST WERE VERY GORGEOUS WOMEN..................ONE WAS EVEN A FORD MODEL.  HOWEVER, HE TELLS ME I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL.......AND THE SMARTEST................I AM THE ONE HE LIKES TO SPEND EVERY SECOND WITH................THOSE OTHER WOMEN, HE DID NOT LIKE SPENDING TIME WITH..........JIMMY AND I NEVER GET BORED WITH EACH OTHER.

JIMMY IS A VERY FAST AND QUICK MAN..HE WALKS FAST, THINKS FAST, AND DOES THINGS VERY FAST..............HE SEES EVERYTHING, AND EVERYONE...............HE SEEMS TO SIMPLY UNDERSTAND THE WORLD AROUND HIM.  AS FOR ME, I AM SLOWER THAN HIM................SO, HE TOLD ME THAT HE PACES ME, AND LETS ME DO THINGS AT MY OWN PACE....................

AND SO, WE TALKED ALL DAY, TOO, AS USUAL.  I ALWAYS TELL JIMMY EVERYTHING..............ALL MY FEELINGS.  SO, IF I SOUNDED SAD IN THE LAST ENTRY I AM OVER IT NOW................JIMMY HAS A WAY OF LISTENING TO ME, AND THEN IT ALL PASSES.  I FEEL SO LOVED BY HIM, IT IS INCREDIBLE.

I WILL GO TO BED NOW..................IT IS 1:30 AM, AND JIMMY WILL BE HOME AT 8 AM!..............................GOOD NITE!.........................................FRAN

some thoughts

IT IS NOW 12:30 AT NIGHT, AND JIMMY WILL BE HERE AROUND 8 AM, IN THE MORNING....TUESDAY, FOR HIS 12 HOUR FURLOUGH........

TODAY IS 9/5, AND JIMMY SHOULD BE HOME ON 9/17, I  BELIEVE....THAT IS AROUND 11 MORE DAYS, UNTIL HE IS HOME FOR GOOD............

WE ARE VERY HAPPY AND EXCITED.....

HOWEVER, FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS, I HAVE BEEN A LITTLE QUIET, AND CRYING A LITTLE...............YOU MAY CALL IT FEELING "SENTIMENTAL."   I THINK THAT MAY BE THE WORD.

WHEN I STARTED THIS JOURNAL, I TOLD EVERYONE, I WOULD LET YOU IN ON ALL MY PERSONAL THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.............WELL, HERE WE GO...........

JIMMY IS ABOUT TO COME HOME, AND WHY DO I CRY SOMETIMES?.........BECAUSE.    WELL, I'LL TRY TO EXPLAIN IT.

I FEEL SAD FOR MANY HUMAN BEINGS IN OUR WORLD, AT THIS TIME.

SOMETIMES, I CRY A LITTLE ON THE PHONE.  JIMMY ALWAYS TELLS ME, IT IS OK TO CRY, FRAN.  HE ALWAYS SAYS I AM A VERY SENSITIVE PERSON..........

YOU MAY SAY, I ALWAYS LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY, IS THAT JIMMY AND I ARE STRONG.  HE HAS BEEN AWAY FOR 3.6 YEARS.

THOSE FAMILY MEMBERS AND SOME FRIENDS, KNEW WHERE JIMMY WAS, AND THAT I WAS ALONE.  AND YET, THESE PEOPLE CHOSE TO COMPLETLY SHY AWAY FROM ME.............THEY NEVER MADE ME PART OF THEIR WORLD, BUT OSTRICIZED ME...................THEY COULD NEVER DRIVE ME TO THE PRISON, OR HALF-WAY HOUSE............I SPENT EVERY DAY ALONE, INCLUDING EVERY HOLIDAY, ONLY TALKING WITH MY HUSBAND.  I MUST SAY, THAT ONE FRIEND WAS ABLE TO TAKE ME A FEW TIMES TO KINTOCK TO SEE JIMMY.

EVERYONE ACTED AS IF I JUST DID NOT EXIST......

WHAT I'M SAYING IS, I AM VERY SAD FOR HUMAN BEINGS LIKE THIS.  THAT IS WHY I HAVE BEEN CRYING SOFTLY THESE PAST FEW DAYS................

I'VE ASKED GOD, AS WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT............HOW TO FEEL................................

JIMMY TELLS ME NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THOSE FEWPEOPLE I AM TALKING ABOUT........HE SAYS TO FORGET WHAT THEY DID, AND WE WILL JUST GO ON WITH OUR LIFE TOGETHER.

YES, I WILL NOT HOLD ANY GRUDGES, BUT IT IS VERY HARD TO FORGET.

WHY?

IT MAY HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT IF THIS PRISON JOURNEY TOOK ONLY A SHORT TIME..............

HOWEVER, IT WAS NOT DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS, ONE YEAR, 2 YEARS, 3 YEARS.........................IT WAS ACTUALLY  3.6 YEARS, THAT THEY CONTINUED THIS WAY.

AND SO I CRY, AND PRAY TO GOD, AND BEG HIM, TO PLEASE HELP THESE PEOPLE OUT..............TO HELP FORGIVE THEM...............TO HELP THEM OUT OF THEIR UNLOVING WAYS.....................PLEASE GOD, PLEASE...........SHOW THEM THE RIGHT WAY...............

AND OF COURSE, TO HELP GUIDE JIMMY AND MYSELF ALONG THE PATH OF LIFE, TOO.

I COULD NEVER BE THAT MEAN TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, AS THEY WERE TO ME....................

MANY PRISON WIVES ARE OUT THERE EXPEIENCING THE SAME THING, AS I HAVE.   I FOUND OUT THROUGHT THEIR E-MAILS AND COMMENTS, THAT THE SMAE THING HAPPENED TO THEM...................THEY WERE, AND STILL ARE STIGMATIZED, AS SOON AS THEIR HUSBAND WAS LOCKED UP.

TO HELP THOSE, WHO NEED SOME ENCOURAGEMENT, I WILL GIVE YOU 3 ARTICLES THAT I WROTE FOR E-ZINE MAGAZINE, AN ON-LINE MAGAZINE.  I WROTE THEM AROUND 1  1/2 years ago...............I WROTE THEM OUT OF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.  I WROTE IT ON THE COMPUTER, AND TRUTHFULLY NEVER CHANGED A WORD OR LINE................I JUST HAD TO GET IT AL OUT OF ME, AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

THE TITLES OF THE ARTICLES ARE: 

 "PRISON WIVES:  THE FORGOTTEN WOMEN IN OUR SOCIETY."

"PRISON WIFE: STAND BY YOUR MAN."

"HOW LOVE CAN SURVIVE PRISON WALLS"

TO GET TO THESE ARTICLES, WHICH HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE HAVE READ, YOU CAN DO THE FOLLOWING:

GOOGLE "REFLECTIONS OF A PRISON WIFE."

ALSO GOOGLE "PRISON WIFE"

that should get you there.  (sorry i don't have the link)

I WILL NOW GO TO BED AND THINK OF MY HUSBAND.  SOON IT WILL BE TIME TO GET UP, AT AROUND 7 AM...TAKE A SHOWER, AND MAKE THE COFFEE, AND GET READY FOR HIM.  THEN I'LL BE IN HIS LOVING ARMS, WHERE I LOVE TO BE............BIG STRONG ARMS, AND HANDS THAT LIKE TO CARESS ME....................AND ALL WILL BE HAPPY TOMORROW, ONCE AGAIN!

..................................FRAN AND JIMMY            :)

HOME TODAY

JIMMY CAME HOME TODAY, THURSDAY, AND HE ALSO CAME HOME LAST TUESDAY.  TODAY WAS HIS 22ND TIME HOME, FOR HIS 12 HOUR VISIT............

JIMMY WILL COME HOME FOR GOOD IN 17 MORE DAYS......IT IS QUICKLY WITTLING DOWN, AT THIS TIME.  WE ARE BOTH EXCITED RIGHT NOW.....

JIMMY KEEPS VERY BUSY WHEN HE COMES HOME...I THINK IT HELPS TO PASS THE TIME EVEN QUICKER FOR THE 2 OF US.............

TODAY, AND EVERY VISIT HOME, HE CLEANED THE HOUSE FOR SEVERAL HOURS AND COOKED....

TODAY HE CLEANED AND CLEANED, AND CLEANED..........EVERYTIME HE COMES HOME, HE CLEANS THE FLOORS, AND CARPETS.....HE WASHES THE CLOTHES AND BEDSHEETS AND COMFORTERS......

THE 12 HOUR VISIT REALLY GOES WAY TOO FAST. IN ONE WAY, IT IS BETTER FOR IT TO PASS QUICKLY, SO HE WILL RETURN HOME SOON.

W GO OUT IN THE MORNING, AND DO SOME SHOPPING.  THEN WE ARE HOME AROUND 12 NOON, AND DO THINGS IN THE HOUSE...................WE LAY DOWN AROUND 2 OR 3 PM.....WATCH A LITTLE TV.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR JIMMY TO COME HOME FOR GOOD.  JIMMY IS A VERY ACTIVE MAN.  YOU MAY SAY, I AM THE ONE PERSON TO CALM HIM DOWN A LITTLE....THAT IS, WITH ME, HE IS MORE SETTLED DOWN, AS A HUSBAND......WE WILL THEN ENJOY GOING OUT TO A MOVIE, OR SOMEWHERE ELSE.............WE WILL FEEL CALM BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT AT NIGHT, AT THE END OF EACH DAY, WE WILL GO TO BED TOGETHER.  THEN, WE WILL RISE AGAIN IN THE MORNING, AND START A NEW DAY.

I CAN'T KID YOU......I AM A LITTLE ANXIOUS FOR HIM TO BE HOME FOR GOOD......BUT WE ARE STRONG PEOPLE, AND ARE HANDLING IT WELL,,,,,,,,,,,,WE SET OUR MINDS TO IT..............THAT IS, WE THINK IT IN OUR MINDS THAT WE MUST DO EACH 12 HOUR FURLOUGH, AND WE DO IT USUALLY TWICE A WEEK.

ON THE FURLOUGH, JIMMY CALLS VOA AT THE DESIGNATED TIMES THAT HE MUST CALL.................AFTER DOING IT 22 TIMES, WE HAVE GOTTEN USED TO IT................

YES, 17 MORE DAYS.............WE WILL NOW BE IN SEPTEMBER.............

LABOR DAY IS HERE, AND THE END OF SUMMER..............THE SEASONS START TO CHANGE.............PEOPLE CHANGE.............WEATHER CHANGES.............IT GETS DARK EARLIER....................EVERYTHING CHANGES, NATURALLY.  AND NOW, JIMMY WILL SOON BE HOME, FOR GOOD, AFTER 3. 6 YEARS.

THE GUYS AT VOA TELL JIMMY, "GEE, YOU HAVE BEEN IN PRISON A PRETTY LONG TIME."  MOST HAVE BEEN IN PRISON FOR SHORT PERIODS OF TIME.  IT IS HARD FOR THEM TO IMAGINE 3.6 YEARS.

AND THEY CAN HARDLY BELIEVE THAT ME, HIS WIFE, STAYED DEVOTED AND DEDICATED TO MY HUSBAND FOR ALL THOSE YEARS......

MAY I SAY, TO ALL THOSE PRISONER'S WIVES STARTING OUT , PLEASE KNOW, THAT "YOU TOO CAN DO IT1"......JUST AS I DID.................

MOSTLY, YOU MUST NOT THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT IT, MINUTE BY MINUTE.............JUST LET THE TIME PASS.......

FOR ME, I LET THE TIME PASS, BY BECOMING VERY IN-TUNED WITH NATURE...............I WATCHED AS NATURE CHANGED....THE SKY, THE LEAVES, ETC........AND THEN I KNEW THAT TIME WAS PASSING ON.

TIME AUTOMATICALLY PASSES IN LIFE...........

FOR MYSELF, AFTER 1 YEAR OF JIMMY'S INCARCERATION, I STARTED WRITING A LOT............AND THAT WRITING BECAME OART OF ME, AND VERY IMPORTANT..............MY THOUGHTS BECAME MY WORDS.......................MY WORDS WERE PUT ON PAPER.................AND SO, I SOMEHOW KEPT MYSELF BUSY.

AND NOW, WE ARE IN THE FINAL STAGES OF JIMMY'S JOURNEY THROUGH PRISON AND HALF-WAY HOUSES.......

17 MORE DAYS TO GO..........

I WILL ALWAYS KEEP WRITING THIS JOURNAL, AS IT HAS BECOME SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF ME................YES, I WILL PROBABLY WRITE ABOUT, "LIFE AFTER PRISON.".............WE WILL SEE.

AND SO, I'LL SAY GOOD-NITE, FOR NOW...................FRAN

 

FRIDAY THOUGHTS

JIMMY CAME HOME, ONCE AGAIN, YESTERDAY , AND IT WAS GREAT, AS ALWAYS!  IT WAS AROUND HIS 20TH TIME HOME.

I FIGURE OUT HE SHOULD COME HOME AROUND 7 MORE TIMES, AND THEN COME HOME FOR GOOD, SEPT. 19, 2006

LIFE IS ABOUT COUNTING THINGS, AND LOOKING FORWARD TO THINGS.

PEOPLE TELL ME THAT  "TIME MUST BE MOVING SLOWLY RIGHT NOW, FOR YOU."    BUT IT REALLY ISN'T.  JIMMY AND I ARE ALWAYS BUSY DOING THINGS, AND KEEPING THINGS PLANNED, AND ORGANIZED.

SEEING EACH OTHER TWICE A WEEK REALLY HELPS.  WE LOVE BEING WITH EACH OTHER, AND DOING SO MANY THINGS...................AND TALKING ALL THE TIME.

I TOLD HIM TODAY, "YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I CAN CONFIDE IN."  

AND THAT IS REALLY HOW IT IS.  I MAY TALK TO MANY PEOPLE, BUT JIMMY IS THE ONLY PERSON THAT "KNOWS THE TRUE FRAN."

JIMMY ANSWERED ME, BY SAYING,  "THAT IS HOW IT SHOULD BE BETWEEN A MARRIED COUPLE."  HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD BE EACH OTHER'S CONFIDANTS.

I KNOW HIM, AND HE KNOWS ME, AND THAT IS HOW IT IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE..............AND IT SHOULD BE THAT WAY BETWEEN 2 PEOPLE WHO ARE MARRIED.

PEOPLE MAY SEE YOUR PUBLIC FACE, WHEN YOU ARE OUT IN THE OPEN, BUT IT IS YOUR SPOUSE THAT KNOWS AND UNDERSTANDS THE TRUE YOU.

JIMMY KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ME.................EVEN THE INNER ME.  HE STUDIED ME ALL THESE 5. 4 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.

HE EVEN TELLS ME, THAT HE STUDIES EVERYTHING ABOUT ME.  IN SOME WAYS, JIMMY IS LIKE A PSYCHOLOGIST TO ME.....................AND, I STUDY HIM SO THEREFORE I AM HIS PSYCHOLOGIST!

I HAVE A LOT OF VERY DEEP PARTS WITHIN ME.............SO IT IS JIMMY'S PLEASURE TO STUDY ME!

AND HE KNOWS IT ALL..HE KNOWS ME, BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF.

YESTERDAY, JIMMY COOKED TORTOLINI WITH MEAT SAUCE, AND I HAD A ROASTED CHICKEN WITH SALAD.....HE BROUGHT ME LOTS OF FRESH FRUIT, WHICH I LOVE THIS SUMMER................PEACHES, MELON, STRAWBERRIES, GRAPES,APLLES........

HE BROUGHT ME FOR A ROUTINE DOCTOR VISIT............SHE ONCE AGAIN FOUND LOTS OF PROBLEMS WITHIN MY BLOODWORK.  BUT I CHEERFULLY LOOKED AT THE DOCTOE, AND SAID THE LABS MAY SHOW PROBLEMS, BUT I FEEL BETTER THAN EVER................I WAS THERE, SMILING............JIMMY AT MY SIDE, HOLDING MY HAND..........JIMMY SAYS MY COMPLEXION IS ROSY AND HEALTHY LOOKING...MY EYES ARE BRIGHT...........WE ARE ALWAYS TALKING AND LAUGHING.

SO NOW, BESIDES THE DIABETES WHICH I HAVE FOR 21 YEARS, ANYHOW..............AND IT DOESN'T REALLY BOTHER ME, BECAUSE I'M SO USED TO DEALING WITH IT...............I TEST MY BLOOD SO MANY TIMES A DAY................AND INJECT MYSELF WITH INSULIN TWICE A DAY...AND EVEN COVER MYSELF WITH INSULIN, FOR HIGH SUGARS.............MAYBE INJECTING MYSELF ANOTHER  3 OR 4 TIMES A DAY...DEPENDING........SO IT TOTALS 2 TO 6 TIMES A DAY, OF INJECTING MYSELF...........THEN, STICKING MY FINGER FOR TESTING 4 OR 6 OR MORE, TIMES PER DAY.................IT JUST DOESN'T BOTHER ME ANYMORE!

AND NOT HAVING PROPER EYESIGHT, BEING LEGALLY BLIND, DOESN'T REALLY BOTHER ME ANYMORE...............I GUESS, I JUST LEARN TO ACCEPT THINGS ALONG THE WAY OF LIFE............

YESTERDAY, I FOUND OUT THAT I HAVE HYPOTHYROIDISM.................SO, NOW I'M ON SYNTHROID, AND IT WILL BE ADJUSTED IN MY BODY....................TRUTHFULLY, I'M GLAD THEY FOUND THAT, AS I HAVE MOST OF THE SYMPTOMS, ANYWAY..............AND THAT SIMPLY EXPLAINS MY LOW METABOLISM, AND THE DIFFICULTY OF LOSING WIEGHT.............AS I ALWAYS SAY, IN THE 3.5 YEARS JIMMY HAS BEEN AWAY I SHOULD WEIGH AROUND 90 LBS., SINCE I HARDLY EVER ATE...............SO, THIS THYROID PROBLEM NOW EXPLAINS IT, AND THINGS WILL GET ADJUSTED....................I MEAN, IMAGINE GOING 3.5 YEARS WITH NEVER EATING OUT IN RESTAURANTS, NEVER EATING FAST FOOD...............HARDLY EATING AT HOME....NO SNACK FOOD.........NO SODA............WELL, IN THE FIRST 7 MONTHS OF JIMMY'S INCARCERATION , I DID LOSE 75 LBS................BUT AFTERWARDS, MY BODY CHANGED, AND I GUESS THE METABOLISM GOT LOWER, WITH THE LOW THYROID.

THEN THE DOCTOR ALSO FOUND OUT THAT I AM ONCE AGAIN  ANEMIC...............SHE IS RUNNING FURTHER TESTS ON ME.  2 YEARS AGO, WHEN I HAD THE TOE AMPUTATED, I HAD A HGB, OF 8.2  I WAS TRANSFUSED WITH 2 UNITS, AND IT REMAINED AT 8.  SO I WAS TRANSFUSED WITH ANOTHER 2 UNITS.  THEY SAID MY IMMUNE SYSTEM WAS STRIPPED FROM THE INTENSIVE ANTIBIOTICS I RECEIVED TO FIGHT THE BODY INFECTION.  THEN I WAS TOLD THAT MY BONE MARROW WAS NOT PRODUCING ENOUGH RED BLOOD CELLS.  SO I WAS GIVEN 3 INJECTIONS TO REBUILD MY BONE MARROW.

WELL NOW, WE WILL SEE WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT, AND WHY I AM ANEMIC ONCE AGAIN.....................I GOT NEWS FOR EVERYONE.  I'M NOT ABOUT TO BE SICK AT THIS TIME, AS MY HUSBAND IS ON HIS WAY HOME, AND THINGS ARE GOING WELL.

ALTHOUGH I AM A NURSE, I DO BELIEVE IN THE ABILITY OF THE PERSON TO CONTROL THEIR OWN LEVEL OF WELLNESS..............THE MIND HAS A LOT TO DO WITH IT..............I ALSO BELIEVE A LOT IN HOLISTIC MEDICINE, COMBINED WITH TRADITIONAL MEDICINE.

JIMMY WILL COME HOME AGAIN ON MONDAY..............I'LL TAKE PRINCE OUTSIDE FOR A LITTLE WHILE RIGHT NOW.................FRAN