Saturday, September 30, 2006

TIS ME AGAIN!

HI EVERYONE!

TIS ME, AGAIN!

IT IS 5;30 AM, AND JIMMY IS STILL SLEEPING, AND I SNUCK OUT OF BED TO WRITE , AND KEEP YOU UP TO DATE ON THINGS!

JIMMY ASKS ME EVERYDAY, TO WRITE IN THIS JOURNAL..............I FOUND IT HARD TO DO....................ONLY BECAUSE MY LIFE CHANGED.....................MY THOUGHTS CHANGED SO INTENSELY..................................I USED THIS JOURNAL FOR SEVERAL YEARS, TO WRITE WHAT WAS ON MY MIND..............WHAT WAS IN MY THOUGHTS.....................

AND NOW, WE/ I  HAVE ENTERED A NEW PHASE IN LIFE...............

JIMMY HAS BEEN HOME FOR 12 DAYS.......................OUR LIVES RIGHT NOW, ARE VERY DIFFERENT.................WE ARE VERY CONNECTED MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY.....................

I TRY TO RELEASE THE PAST, AND WANT ONLY TO THINK OF THE PRESENT......................

AND SO I THOUGHT TO MYSELF..."HOW DO I WRITE TODAY'S ENTRY?".................."FROM A PSYCHOLOGICAL, OR PHYSICAL POINT OF VIEW?"

FOR YOU PRISON WIVES, WHO HAVE HUSBANDS THAT HAVE JUST ARRIVED HOME, OR WILL SOON BE HOME, LET ME EXPLAIN........................................JUST LET LIFE "UNFOLD."

TAKE YOUR TIME....................RELAX.....................ALLOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS TO EMERGE.................DO NOT PRESSURE YOURSELF..................LET LIFE SIMPLY TAKE PLACE...................

JIMMY IS ALWAYS A VERY QUICK AND FAST MAN................BUT WITH ME, HE BEGINS TO RELAX..................AND OF COURSE, I RELAX WITH HIM.

AS FOR MYSELF, MY AGORAPHOBIA HAS PRETTY MUCH DISAPPEARED.....................JIMMY TAKES ME OUT EVERYDAY......TO MANY DIFFERENT PLACES.............I HAVE NOW STARTED TO GET USED TO THE PUBLIC , ONCE AGAIN....................I TOLD JIMMY, "IT WAS LIKE I WAS IN A BOX FOR THE PAST 3   1/2 YEARS, AND NOW, I HAVE FINALLY BEEN LET OUT.................IT IS A VERY FUNNY AND STRANGE EXPERIENCE, THAT I DON'T WISH ON ANYONE..................AND I WOULD TELL HIM, I HEAR THE PEOPLE TALKING ALL AROUND ME, IN PUBLIC, BUT I DO NOT FEEL PARTOF THEM.........................AND NOW, AFTER 12 DAYS OF GOING OUT AND AROUND, I STARTED TO BEGIN TO FEEL CONNECTED TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, ONCE AGAIN....................

BUT THE PEOPLE THAT WERE THERE FOR THE PAST 3  1/2 YEARS....WELL, THEY ARE STILL THERE, DOING THE SAME THING...................LEADING THEIR SAME MUNDANE LIVES.................YES, THOSE PEOPLE, WHOM I WILL NOT MENTION NAMES, ARE THE ONES WHO KEPT ME SOCIALLY ISOLATED FOR THE ENTIRE TIME MY HUSBAND WAS IN PRISON..........

FOR INSTANCE, JIMMY;'S FATHER, WHO LIVES LESS THAN 5 MINUTES AWAY, HAS NOT SEEN HIS SON YET.................I CALLED HIM SEVERAL TIMES TO TELL HIM JIMMY IS HOME, BUT .WELL, THIS IS WHAT IT IS.............

AND SO, ALL THE MISERABLE PEOPLE, THEIR LIFE GOES ON..................I ALWAYS TELL JIMMY I FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS PRISON THING, BECAUSE I CAN UNDERSTAND MYSELF EVEN MORE, AND THOSE AROUND ME.......

WHAT HAVE WE DONE, SINCE JIMMY HAS BEEN HOME?.............EVERYTHING!

WE WENT TO SEE THE MOVIE "BLACK DALIA," LAST THURSDAY.A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE......INTENSE, BUT SEDUCTIVE.....

IN THE MOVIE, JIMMY HELD ME IN HIS ARMS THE ENTIRE TIME.......AS HE ALWAYS HAD IN THE PAST YEARS............

WE ARE PLANNING TO GO SEE THE MOVIE ABOUT QUEEN ELIZABETH WHEN IT COMES OUT NEXT WEEK...............

WE HAVE GONE TO RESTAURANTS UPON RESTAURANTS........OVER  10, SINCE HIS ARRIVAL HOME.................AND JIMMY STILL LOVES TO COOK, AND EVERY MORNING I MAKE THE COFFEE, AS HE SAYS HE LOVES MY COFFEE!

JIMMY HAS CHANGED THE ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD!.......HE MOVES FURNTITURE AROUND, DID AND STILL DOES INTENSE CLEANING EVERYDAY, FOR A FEW HOURS EACH DAY.................THE ENTIRE COMPUTER ROOM IS CHANGED ROUND...............HE IS BUSY INTO DOING HIS ELECTRONICS...........FIXING THE COMPUTER THINGS...AND HE ATTACHED THE IPOD TO THE STEREO IN THE BEDROOM.................

WE BOTH DECIDED TO GET RID OF AS MUCH AS WE COULD.............THIS IS A NEW BEINNING TO LIFE, AND WE DID NOT WANT ANYTHING OF THE PAST....................

MOST OF MY CLOTHESHAVE BEEN CHANGED..............I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM THE PAST 3.6 YEARS..................AND SO, JIMMY HAS BOUGHT ME MANY NEW CLOTHES, JACKETS, AND IN A FEW DAYS A NEW COAT.............

HE BOUGHT ME A BEAUTIFUL BLACK LEATHER COACH HANDBAG, IN THE COACH STORE AT OCEAN COUNTY MALL.............IT IS GORGEOUS!.............

HE ALSO BOUGHT ME A BEAUTIFUL 2.5 KARET DIAMOND BRACELT, WHICH I REALLY LOVE.....AND ALSO ANOTHER CHARM FOR MY CHARM BRACLET, OF A CRESENT MOON, AND ANGEL ON IT...........

EVERYDAY, BEFORE WE GO OUT, JIMMY HELPS ME GET DRESSED  (HE EVEN LOVES TO WASH MY BACK IN THE SHOWER)...............HE PUTS ON MY KNEE HIGH STOCKINGS AND THE BLACK SHOES HE BOUGHT ME......................ONE PAIR IS CALLED BALLERINA SHOES, AND I JUST LOVE THOSE LITTLE SHOES!........................MY LEGS HAVE BECOME SLIM ONCE AGAIN, AND ARE NO LONGER EDEMATOUS AS THEY WERE THE PAST YEARS............................I HAVE STARTED WALKING MUCH BETTER NOW, ONCE AGAIN, WITH SHOES ON MY FEET..........................WE STILL TAKE THE WHEELCHAIR ALONG, AND JIMMY PUSHES ME, AND SOMETIMES I GET MY EXERCISE WALKING................

JIMMY HAD STANLEY STEAMER COME AND DO THE HOUSEHOLD CARPETS  LAST WEEK............I DEVELOPED ACUTE BRONCHITIS FROM THE CHEMICALS, AND HE TOOK ME TO THE E.R., LAST SUNDAY..............I LOST MY VOICE, TOO.................EVEN JIMMY WAS AFFECTED BY THE CHEMICALS, AND HAD A LITTLE COLD.............THEY GAVE ME BREATHING TX., AND PUT ME ON ANTIBX., AND COUGH SYRUP, AND INHALERS........................JIMMY KEPT TELLING ME, "LET'S GO THE THE ER."...................I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO GO, WHEN THE AREA AFFECTED IN MY LUNGS WAS TOO DEEP FOR ME TO COUGH UP..............THEY TOOK A C-XY, WHICH WAS FINE......................

IT IS WONDERFUL, TO HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL HUSBAND!......................HE TELLS ME THROUGHOUT THE DAY, THAT I AM A WONDERFUL WIFE..............THE BEST A MAN COULD HAVE!.............TO ME, HE IS THE BEST HUSBAND  A WIFE COULD HAVE!

HE IS CONSTANTLY KISSING ME, HOLDING ME, ETC.................EVEN NOW AS I WRITE THIS, I FEEL THE URGE TO CLIMB BACK INTO BED NEXT TO HIM, TO CUDDLE UP.AND I WILL VERY SOON!

YESTERDAY, WE WENT TO THE CHURCH, FOR FRIDAY'S BENEDICTION................JIMMY THANKED ME FOR SUGGESTING TO GO THERE...............IT WAS PEACEFUL, AND WE PRAYED AND MEDITATED.....................

LAST NIGHT, I ASKED JIMMY WHAT SHOULD I WRITE IN THE JOURNAL...HE SAID, "THAT WE ARE IN LOVE1"

.....AND YES, THAT IS SIMPLY WHAT IT IS!

BUT I MUST STRESS, TO THOSE PRISON WIVES  READING THIS THAT YOUR HUSBAND COMING HOME AFTER MANY YEARS, IS A PROCESS.................EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CONNECTED....................YOU MUST USE YOUR HEAD AND YOUR INTELLIGENCE, TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A PROCESS.....................

IT IS ALMOST LIKE A DE-PROGRAMING.  THE MAN IS NOW HOME, IN A DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT...............NO LONGER IN THE PRISON/HALF-WAY HOUSE...................AND SO, YOU MUST BOTH LET EVERYTHING FALL BACK INTO PLACE............SLOWLY.....................DO NOT PUSH ANYTHING................BE HAPPY.  BE CONTENT.............IT SIMPLY MEANS, TO LET ALL YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS FALL INTO PLACE NATURALLY AND NORMALLY...................IF EVERY MOMENT IS NOT WONDERFUL AND GREAT, IT IS OK............JUST RELAX AND GO WITH THE FLOW..............

WELL, I'LL SAY BYE FOR NOW, AND HOPE TO WRITE AGAIN SOON........................JIMMY WILL BE WRITING AN ENTRY SOON, AND MAY EVEN PUT OUR PIX HERE!                    :)

.................WITH LOVE,

                           FRAN

 

7 comments:

ukgal36 said...

Hi... I have been reading your Journal for months but haven't commented..I just wanted to wish you well as you begin this next phase..I can relate to a lot of what you say as a Military wife I know all about the difficulties of being apart from your loved one...our reasons may have been different but our emotions the same...anyway good luck to you and Jimmy...you sound so happy in love..it's a joy to read about...
Lyn

emabecmar said...

(((((Fran)))))))) I am so happy to hear from you again in your journal. I was just thinking about you and Jimmy yesterday, wondering how you were both doing. Awwww, it sounds like your both just absolutely perfect. So glad you went to the ER, my gosh I hope your feeling better soon. Oh I know about those chemicals used to clean carpets, I had a problem with them also. Take care my friend, keep well and enjoy your life with your hubby. Bless you both. (((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Cindy

bvaneps834 said...

such a happy entry!!

carly0042 said...

Fran, this is just the best news ever! I wish you and Jimmy all the best.

tashinu12 said...

hello, you have a beautiful journal, i will start by telling you about me. My name is natasha, i am 18 years old and my fiance is incarcerated. We met when i was 15 and he was 19, i fell in love immediately. so fast that just one small month after we met i became pregnant. He dropped out of school and decided to work so he could take care of me and our new son. Soon working just seemed to not be enough for us and he turned to a life of crime, including robbery and theft, he was eventually caught and sentenced to 2 1/2 years in prison. We were going to get married prior to his incarceration but it was too late he was gone! I consider myself a prison wife now( although we are not married) because of you inspirational journal. I would like to talk to you more, maybe you can help me through this. thank you



natasha

tashinu12 said...

i have just started following your journal, it is so romantic! I have been dealing with my fiance' being in prison for 2 years and a couple of months now. this has been the hardest struggle of my life. We have a 2 year old son together and we are very much in love, i just haven't had anyone to talk to these past couple of years, anyone who understands where i am coming from. He will be coming home January 16, 2007 for good, and i am very anxious, excited, scared and worried, all those feelings, i am ready but i am scared, i just dont know what to expect, but reading your journals it seems like what i have been dreaming about, just a lot of love, almost like a fantasy:) i am writing a position paper in my psychology class, and i titled it "Pain on both sides of the bars". but thats all i have, my professor wants me to dig deep into research for this paper, he just doesnt know, i live this paper topic everyday. could you tell me, how i can write about this topic when i still feel embarassed about my loves' incarceration? and if i am embarassed about him being in prison, has my love for him faded away? my emotions have been this crazy since he first went away. HELP!

natasha

adlessor said...

Wow, It's hard to believe Jimmy has been home 12 days already.  Glad to see that you two are making the most of them.   Have fun.        Dawn