Monday, September 4, 2006

some thoughts

IT IS NOW 12:30 AT NIGHT, AND JIMMY WILL BE HERE AROUND 8 AM, IN THE MORNING....TUESDAY, FOR HIS 12 HOUR FURLOUGH........

TODAY IS 9/5, AND JIMMY SHOULD BE HOME ON 9/17, I  BELIEVE....THAT IS AROUND 11 MORE DAYS, UNTIL HE IS HOME FOR GOOD............

WE ARE VERY HAPPY AND EXCITED.....

HOWEVER, FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS, I HAVE BEEN A LITTLE QUIET, AND CRYING A LITTLE...............YOU MAY CALL IT FEELING "SENTIMENTAL."   I THINK THAT MAY BE THE WORD.

WHEN I STARTED THIS JOURNAL, I TOLD EVERYONE, I WOULD LET YOU IN ON ALL MY PERSONAL THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.............WELL, HERE WE GO...........

JIMMY IS ABOUT TO COME HOME, AND WHY DO I CRY SOMETIMES?.........BECAUSE.    WELL, I'LL TRY TO EXPLAIN IT.

I FEEL SAD FOR MANY HUMAN BEINGS IN OUR WORLD, AT THIS TIME.

SOMETIMES, I CRY A LITTLE ON THE PHONE.  JIMMY ALWAYS TELLS ME, IT IS OK TO CRY, FRAN.  HE ALWAYS SAYS I AM A VERY SENSITIVE PERSON..........

YOU MAY SAY, I ALWAYS LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY, IS THAT JIMMY AND I ARE STRONG.  HE HAS BEEN AWAY FOR 3.6 YEARS.

THOSE FAMILY MEMBERS AND SOME FRIENDS, KNEW WHERE JIMMY WAS, AND THAT I WAS ALONE.  AND YET, THESE PEOPLE CHOSE TO COMPLETLY SHY AWAY FROM ME.............THEY NEVER MADE ME PART OF THEIR WORLD, BUT OSTRICIZED ME...................THEY COULD NEVER DRIVE ME TO THE PRISON, OR HALF-WAY HOUSE............I SPENT EVERY DAY ALONE, INCLUDING EVERY HOLIDAY, ONLY TALKING WITH MY HUSBAND.  I MUST SAY, THAT ONE FRIEND WAS ABLE TO TAKE ME A FEW TIMES TO KINTOCK TO SEE JIMMY.

EVERYONE ACTED AS IF I JUST DID NOT EXIST......

WHAT I'M SAYING IS, I AM VERY SAD FOR HUMAN BEINGS LIKE THIS.  THAT IS WHY I HAVE BEEN CRYING SOFTLY THESE PAST FEW DAYS................

I'VE ASKED GOD, AS WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT............HOW TO FEEL................................

JIMMY TELLS ME NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THOSE FEWPEOPLE I AM TALKING ABOUT........HE SAYS TO FORGET WHAT THEY DID, AND WE WILL JUST GO ON WITH OUR LIFE TOGETHER.

YES, I WILL NOT HOLD ANY GRUDGES, BUT IT IS VERY HARD TO FORGET.

WHY?

IT MAY HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT IF THIS PRISON JOURNEY TOOK ONLY A SHORT TIME..............

HOWEVER, IT WAS NOT DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS, ONE YEAR, 2 YEARS, 3 YEARS.........................IT WAS ACTUALLY  3.6 YEARS, THAT THEY CONTINUED THIS WAY.

AND SO I CRY, AND PRAY TO GOD, AND BEG HIM, TO PLEASE HELP THESE PEOPLE OUT..............TO HELP FORGIVE THEM...............TO HELP THEM OUT OF THEIR UNLOVING WAYS.....................PLEASE GOD, PLEASE...........SHOW THEM THE RIGHT WAY...............

AND OF COURSE, TO HELP GUIDE JIMMY AND MYSELF ALONG THE PATH OF LIFE, TOO.

I COULD NEVER BE THAT MEAN TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, AS THEY WERE TO ME....................

MANY PRISON WIVES ARE OUT THERE EXPEIENCING THE SAME THING, AS I HAVE.   I FOUND OUT THROUGHT THEIR E-MAILS AND COMMENTS, THAT THE SMAE THING HAPPENED TO THEM...................THEY WERE, AND STILL ARE STIGMATIZED, AS SOON AS THEIR HUSBAND WAS LOCKED UP.

TO HELP THOSE, WHO NEED SOME ENCOURAGEMENT, I WILL GIVE YOU 3 ARTICLES THAT I WROTE FOR E-ZINE MAGAZINE, AN ON-LINE MAGAZINE.  I WROTE THEM AROUND 1  1/2 years ago...............I WROTE THEM OUT OF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.  I WROTE IT ON THE COMPUTER, AND TRUTHFULLY NEVER CHANGED A WORD OR LINE................I JUST HAD TO GET IT AL OUT OF ME, AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

THE TITLES OF THE ARTICLES ARE: 

 "PRISON WIVES:  THE FORGOTTEN WOMEN IN OUR SOCIETY."

"PRISON WIFE: STAND BY YOUR MAN."

"HOW LOVE CAN SURVIVE PRISON WALLS"

TO GET TO THESE ARTICLES, WHICH HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE HAVE READ, YOU CAN DO THE FOLLOWING:

GOOGLE "REFLECTIONS OF A PRISON WIFE."

ALSO GOOGLE "PRISON WIFE"

that should get you there.  (sorry i don't have the link)

I WILL NOW GO TO BED AND THINK OF MY HUSBAND.  SOON IT WILL BE TIME TO GET UP, AT AROUND 7 AM...TAKE A SHOWER, AND MAKE THE COFFEE, AND GET READY FOR HIM.  THEN I'LL BE IN HIS LOVING ARMS, WHERE I LOVE TO BE............BIG STRONG ARMS, AND HANDS THAT LIKE TO CARESS ME....................AND ALL WILL BE HAPPY TOMORROW, ONCE AGAIN!

..................................FRAN AND JIMMY            :)

3 comments:

bobandkate said...

I will take a look at your articles Fran. Enjoy your day with Jimmy. People behave strangely at times. Hope that you can move on,
Kate.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/bobandkate/AnAnalysisofLife/

mindercella33 said...

Fran,
I am sorry you are feeling so sad right now. I don't know what makes people behave that way when you really need them the most. Don't let it bother your mind fran, you have made through all this; and I think have come out stronger for it, JMO. I will read your articles if I can find them. I am keeping you both in my prayers. Say hello to Jimmy. Take care Fran.
                                                 Hugs, Cyndy

emabecmar said...

don't cry Fran. If those people especially your families shyed away when you needed them the most, well they can go suck an egg. your a strong woman, you survived it all. Jimmy will soon be home for good and the two of you can live happily ever after. I'm so happy you will continue to post entries. The love you write about, lets it be known there is still love in the world. Best wishes for you and jimmy. and ((((((hugs)))))) to you both.
Cindy