Saturday, November 12, 2005

SOME THOUGHTS

MY SISTER CALLED ME TODAY, AND WE HAD A LONG CHAT, FOR AN HOUR.  SHE TOLD ME SOMETHING QUITE DISTRESSING, SO I MAY AS WELL SAY IT HERE, NOW, AND GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM.

I KNEW I WAS VERY SICK LAST YEAR, WITH SEPTIC SHOCK, BUT TODAY MY SISTER, TERRI, TOLD ME THAT THE DOCTOR'S ACTUALLY TOLD HER THAT I WAS "DYING, " AND THEY HAD LITTLE HOPE THAT I WOULD RECOVER.  THEY ASKED HER IF I HAD ALL MY LIFE 'IN ORDER," BECAUSE THEY DID NOT THINK I WOULD MAKE IT  (WHO really CARES ANYHOW, ONCE YOU'RE GOING AND GONE, IF THINGS ARE IN ORDER)...............

I ASKED HER IF THE DOCTOR'S ACTUALLY USED THE EXACT WORDS, "SEPTIC SHOCK," AND SHE SAID "YES."

I SAID, "WELL, WHY DIDN'T I GO TO ICU."  SHE ANSWERED, "BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO SICK...THE INFECTION HAD SPREAD SO SEVERLY THROUGHOUT YOUR ENTIRE BODY, THAT THERE WAS NO HOPE FOR YOU....YOU WERE HIGHLY TOXIC, AND WERE NOT RESPONDING TO THE ANTIBIOTICS."

WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE, BECAUSE THERE WERE 8 OR 9 DOCTORS WALKING IN AND OUT OF MY ROOM, 24 HOURS A DAY...........NO ONE EVER LEFT ME ALONE...PEOPLE WERE CONSTANTLY WORKING ON ME.

SO TERRI SAID, "I TOLD THEM UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WERE THEY TO TELL YOU THAT YOU WERE DYING.  AND I MADE A PROMISE TO MYSELF TO NEVER TELL YOU, EXACTLY WHAT THE DOCRORS WERE SAYING."  ..........BUT TODAY, TERRI FELT I WAS WELL ENOUGH NOW, THAT I COULD MENTALLY HANDLE IT.  TERRI, ONCE AGAIN SAID TO ME, "YOU ARE A WALKING MIRACLE.".........NOT ONLY IS IT A MIRACLE THAT YOU SURVIVRD, BUT EVEN AFTERWARDS, IN YOUR RECOVERY PHASE, YOUR FOOT HAD A MIRACULOUS HEALING....EVEN THE SURGEON SAID THAT, AND USE DTHOSE WORDS.

SO, TODAY, ALL THIS CAME ABOUT, BECAUSE TERRI WAS ASKING ME TO PRAY FOR HER, FOR SOME SPECIAL INTENTION IN HER LIFE.  SHE SAID, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW, IN THE WHOLE WORLD, WHOM GOD WILL LISTEN TO.......THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME SHE HAS TOLD ME THAT IN MY LIFE.............SHE ALWAYS JKES THAT I HAVE A "SPECIAL CONNECTION."..........WELL, TERRI WAS CRYING ON THE PHONE, AND TRYING TO HOLD BACK HER TEARS...AND IT WAS ALL VERY TOUCHING...........

WHEN I WAS THERE, IN THE HOSPITAL, I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU EXACTLY WHAT I FELT...........I FELT LIKE I WAS CAUGHT BETWEEN THE DIMENSIONS OF TIME......LIKE I EXISTED SOMEWHERE ELSE...NOT HERE...........IT WAS TOO DIFFICULT TO TALK OR EVEN THINK.  I DID NOT AT THAT POINT EVEN HAVE THE STRENGTH TO SAY THE NAME "GOD."....I KNEW I WAS DYING, AND THOUGHT TO MYSELF, HOW STRANGE THIS SITUATION IS............I WAS AFRAID TO SAY, "PLEASE, GOD, LET ME SEE MY HUSBAND ONE MORE TIME," BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GIVE ME WHAT I SAID, AND I WANT TO BE WITH JIMMY FOR AN ETERNITY, NOT ONE MORE TIME..............IT WAS LIKE A BLACK, EVIL VEIL WAS TRYING TO TAKE OVER MY BODY. AND I KNEW I WOULDN'T GO...SO, I JUST LAY IN BED AND WAITED...I WAITED FOR THAT EVIL THING TO GO AWAY..............AND I KEPT THE PHONE NEXT TO ME, SO I COULD RECEIVE JIMMY'S CALLS EVERY HOUR, AS HE WOULD WHISPER TO ME, THAT I WAS TO KEEP HANGING ON............AND THEN, THE MEN IN THE PRISON WERE PRAYING FOR ME, ALONG WITH JIMMY, FORMING PRAYER CHAINS..........I FELT THE PRAYERS ALL THE TIME..............MY SISTER AND AUNT HAD MY NAME MENTIONED AT MASS, AND HAD SPECIAL MASSES AND NOVENAS MADE...............

AND STILL WITH ALL THAT, I REFUSED TO STAY IN BED.......I DRAGGED MYSELF AND THE IV POLE TO THE BATHROOM...I SAT IN THE CHAIR...EVEN AT NIGHT THE NURSES WOULD COME AND ASK ME WHY I WAS SITTING UP ALL NIGHT...........BECAUSE, I KNEW I HAD TO KEEP MOVING, AND I WAS NOT GOING TO DIE IN THAT BED.........SO EVERYONE WATCHED ME, AND LOOKED AT ME, AS I SAT UP, COVERING MY BODY AND HEAD WITH A BLANKET....AND I ALWAYS WISHED JIMMY WERE THERE...HE WAS THE ONLY STRONG MAN THAT COULD POSITION ME, AND MAKE ME COMFORTABLE...I KNEW HE WOULD LIFT ME, AND MAKE ME COMFORTABLE..........

AND THEN, 1 NIGHT, AROUND 2 WEEKS LATER, I FINALLY BROKE INTO A SWEAT AROUND 3 AM...YES, I WAS SO HAPPY, BECAUSE I KEW THE FEVER HAD FINALLY BROKE...I STARTED RESPONDING TO THE INTENSE ANTIBIOTIC THERAPY, AND NOW, I KNEW I HAD A CHANCE.........

30% OF PEOPLE IN SEPTIC SHOCK SURVIVE...........THE POPE DIED FROM THIS, AND IRONICALLY SUPERMAN, CHRIS REEVES DIED FROM IT THE SAME TIME I WAS HOSPITALIZED...........

WHEN I GOT HOME HERE, I WAS NEVER SO HAPPY....I KNEW I WOULD BE HEALED IN MY OWN BED, AT HOME, WITH MY ANIMALS AT MY SIDE...........AND YES, IT IS TRUE, I FELT LIKE I HAD WALKED IN THE VALLEY OD DEATH....THAT IS HOW I PERCEIVED THAT HOSPITAL BED.....FOR ME, IT WAS THE VALLEY OF DEATH........................

AND SO, THANK YOU FOR LISTENING, ONCE AGAIN, TO MY BAD EXPERIENCE LAST YEAR..........I'M SORRY IF I REPEAT MYSELF.......................BUT BY TELLING YOU AGAIN, AS IT IS ON MY MIND TODAY, I CAN NOW RELEASE IT, AND BLOW IT TO THE WIND...............THAT IS WHERE IT BELONGS.............

JIMMY IS COMING HOME IN 12 HOURS....YES, JUST CAN'T WAIT....I FEEL SO EXCITED WHEN HE IS ABOUT TO COME HOME.............I EVEN MADE SOME CHICKEN AND CHOCOLATE PUDDING FOR HIM  (WE HAVE THE READY-WHIP, TOO)...............

PLEASE READ THE COMMENT IN THE LAST ENTRY........THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS WITH US....(azil2cute4u)..............HOWEVER, I MUST DISAGREE THAT LOVE IS NOT AN EMOTION.....................IT IS A KNOWN , DOCUMENTED FACT, THAT LOVE IS A "NEED," JUST LIKE AIR, FOOD, AND WATER.  WITHOUT LOVE WE WOULD DIE..WE ALL NEED TO BE LOVED, YES, EVEN THE PRISONER...LOVE, TOUCH...THOSE ARE NEEDED TO SURVIVE THIS LIFE.

3 comments:

sugar1337 said...

Miracles come in all shapes and sizes...and I am glad that you made it through it all for you really are a joy.  :)

lv2trnscrb said...

What a wonderful testimony to the Lord - you tell your sister, though, that the Lord loves us all the same and He hears every single prayer we pray - and answers every single prayer - his timing, his way, his will. I'm glad he chose to answer her prayer to make you well...

enjoy your visit with Jimmy!

betty

dizarra said...

Repeat away Fran, it's your personal journal....and you let us come for the ride. I find all your entry's interesting-but septic shock?!? You ARE lucky....I'm guessing you had something wrong with your foot? Forgive me for not knowing, even tho I read up on a lot of your entry's, I couldn't read all of them! Well, it's Sunday-relax, and enjoy your time with Jimmy......your lucky to have him.~Diane~