Wednesday, November 23, 2005

the newS is here

HI EVERYONE....JIMMY SAW PAROLE TODAY....THE NEWS REALLY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME........HIS PAROLE DATE IS IN THE SPRING.........SO, THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING, PAROLE GAVE ME A NICE GIFT.......NOW, AT LEAST  I KNOW MY HUSBAND WOULDN'T BE HERE FOR THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS, NEW YEAR'S, VALENTINE'S DAY, AND ANY OTHER HOLIDAY THAT FALLS IN THOSE MONTHS..........HE MAY MAKE IT HERE BY ST. PATRICK'S DAY.........JIMMY IS HAPPY, AND SAID WE MUST BE THANKFUL AND HAPPY.........I SAID, YEA, AND NOW I HAVE TO GET THROUGH THE BIG FREEZE OF THE WINTER..........I'M NOT HAPPY AND I'M NOT THANKFUL.........SO THERE.................I SAID I MAY FIND A FRIEND TO KEEP ME COMPANY DURING THE WINTER MONTHS...HE LAUGHED.

EVERY RADIO STATION, AND TV STATION ONLY HAS SHOWS AND PROGRAMS ABOUT THANKSGIVING AND XMAS.........YOU JUST CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM IT..........I HAVEN'T GONE OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR 2 WEEKS , NOW, BECAUSE I DON'T FIT INTO THAT HUSTLE AND BUSTLE OF THE SEASON.................EVERYONE IS PREPARING TO STUFF THEMSELVES TOMORROW, BUT I BARELY HAVE ANY FOOD HERE IN MY HOUSE......TONITE I WILL GIVE PRINCE THE LAST 2 HAMBURGERS...AFTER ALL, HE IS A DOG, AND NEEDS TO EAT NOURISHING FOOD...AS FOR ME, I ATE A PIECE OF  BREAD AND CUP OF COFFEE, AND I'LL HAVE A SALAD TONITE....TOMORROW, I JUST DON'T KNOW.....FUNNY THING, MY HUSBAND IS IN A FOODSTORE, SURROUNDED BY HOLIDAY FOODS AND HOLIDAY PEOPLE................MY FATHER IN LAW.....WELL HE NEVER TALKS TO ME ANY MORE, AND IF HE DOES, HE LIES TO ME...HE IS THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE IN PRISON, HE IS THE ACTUAL CRIMINAL...ONE THAT NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT...,HE JUST SLID THROUGH THE SYSTEM HIS WHOLE LIFE.............AS FOR MY SISTER, WHO LIVES 10 MINUYTES FROM ME, WELL, SHE SENT ME AN E-MAIL THE OTHER DAY, WITH HER FAMOUS WORDS THAT SHE LOVES TO TELL ME....."I CAN'T HELP YOU OUT FOR THANKSGIVING.".......(WELL, EXCUSE ME, BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THANKSGIVING WAS ALL ABOUT FAMILY, AND INCLUDING THOSE WHO ARE ALONE ON THE HOLIDAY)......AND SO, TERRI, MY SISTER HAS EXCLUDED ME EVERY YEAR SINCE I AHVE LIVED HERE IN NEW JERSEY, AT THE HOLIDAY TIME.  SHE WILL GET TOGETHER AT HER SON'S HOUSE, AND SHE CAN NEVER, EVER THINK OF INCLUDING ME........AS IF 1 MORE PERSON, WHO IS ALONE, ON THANKSGIVING WILL MATTER.  SHE ACTS AS IF SHE BELONGS TO A SECRET SOCIETY, OF WHICH I AM EXCLUDED...THEY ARE ALL FAMILY MEMBERS, AND I EVEN MENTIONED TO HER THAT I HAVE NEVER METHER DAUGHTER-IN-LAW.....BUT THAT IS HOW IT IS, AND SOME PEOPLE, WELL, THEY JUST WILL NEVER CHANGE......BEFORE JIMMY WENT TO PRISON, WE WOULD TAKE TERRI OUT TO DINNER, MOVIES...LOTS OF PLACES, AND WE WOULD GATHERINGS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.......ON THANKSGIVING, SHE IS ALWAYS TOO BUSY, SO JIMMY AND I WOULD INVITE SOME OF HIS FRIENDS TO OUR HOUSE AND WE COOK LOTS AND LOTS OF TURKEY AND TRIMMINGS...EVERYONE HAS A GOOD TIME, AND BRINGS FOOD HOME.....THEN, AFTER DINNER WE GO FOR A RIDE IN THE CAR, AND BRING FAMILY AND FRIENDS PLATES OF TURKEY AND STUFFING AND PIE, ETC.......WE GO TO THEIR HOMES, INCLUDING HIS FATHER, FATHER'S FRIENDS, MY SISITER AND AUNT.........IT IS COURTESY, WE FEEL TO INCLUDE THEM ON THE HOLIDAY, WITH SOME TURKEY, ALTHOUGH THEY COULD NOT MAKE IT TO OUR HOUSE.

SORRY TO GO ON AND ON............

I HAVE ANOTHE OLDER SISTER IN NORTH JERSY........SHE HAS BEEN LIVING IN HER HOUSE FOR OVER 30 YEARS...I HAVE NEVER BEEN INVITED THERE......SHE HAS 3 GROWN SONS....1 IS MY GOD CHILD, AND THE OTHER 2, WELL I HAVE NEVER MET THEM, EXCEPT SEEN THEM IN PHOTOS....EVERY YEAR OR SO, GLORIA, MY SISTER, SENDS ME A BIRTHDAY CARD, AND XMAS CARD.........SHE HAS NEVER INVITED ME TO HER HOUSE.........SHE NEVER RETURNS MY PHONE CALLS....FUNNY THING IS THAT LAST YEAR WHEN I WAS DYING, SHE SHOWED UP AT THE HOSPITAL ROOM DOOR....WHAT IS THE SENSE OF IT?........I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY SHE WANTED TO SEE HER SISTER FOR THE LAST TIME, WHEN SHE NEVER CARES ABOUT ME WHEN I'M ALIVE.......ON THANKSGIVING, GLORIA COOKS HUGH MEALS, INVITES FAMILY AND FRIENDS.........WHEN I LIVED 2,500 MIES AWAY FROM THEM, IN CALIFORNIA AND LAS VEGAS, I MADE IT A ROUTINE TO CALL THEM ON THE PHONE EVERY HOLIDAY........THE WAY I LOOK AT IT, GOD GAVE THEM AND MYSELF A CHANCE TO BE CLOSE TO EACH OTHER, BECAUSE JIMMY BROUGHT ME BACK TO THE EAST COAST....AND THEY ARE TOO STUPID TO REALIZE IT.,,,,,,SHAME ON THEM, WHEN YOU ARE 60 AND 62 YEARS OLD, YOU SHOULD WAKE UP, AND REALIZE WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT AT THAT TIME.................I TOLD JIMMY THE TRUTH, WHEN I FIRST MET HIM, "I HAVE NO FAMILY, JIMMY.".........."EVERYONE HAS SOME FAMILY, FRAN."..........."WELL, I DON'T."...........IT TOOK 4 YEARS OF ME BEING BACK HERE IN JERSEY FOR JIMMY TO SEE HOW THEY TREAT ME, FOR HIM NOW TO APOLOGIZE...."I'M SORRY I DOUBTED YOU, FRAN...YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE A FAMILY....YOU WERE RIGHT IN WHAT YOU TOLD ME."

TRUTHFULLY, I ENJOY STRANGERS...THEY ARE MORE OF A FAMILY TO ME...................WHEN WE ARE YOUNG, SOMETIMES FAMILY DOESN'T SEEM THAT IMPORTANT, BUT AS WE GET OLDER, WE REALLY NEED FAMILY.....(that's my piece of advice to you!)

AND SO, JIMMY AND I ARE OUR OWN FAMILY.........BUT, HERE WE ARE, STILL SEPERATED THROUGH TIME AND SPACE.........

AND SO, I WILL SAY GOOD-NITE.......MAY YOU ALL HAVE A PLEASANT AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING......I WILL BE THINKING OF ALL OF YOU WHO READ THIS JOURNAL......

I WILL ESPECIALLY BE THINKING ABOUT THOSE WOMEN WHO HAVE HUSBANDS AND LOVED ONES IN PRISON, AND WHO SPEND, YES, ONE MORE THANKSGIVING WITHOUT THE ONE YOU LOVE AT YOUR THANKSGIVING TABLE.....NO ON EKNOWS JUST HOW HARD IT IS...........MAYBE THERE IS A PURPOSE FOR ALL OF THIS...OF OUR SUFFERING........IN A WORLD FULL OF GAITY AND HAPPINESS AND HOLIDAYS.....

I THINK I MAY BE TAKING A LITTLE BREAK FROM WRITING THIS JOURNAL....I'M NOT SURE....MAYBE I WOULDN'T, BUT RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE, I FEEL I WILL, BECAUSE MY THOUGHTS ARE JUST NOT HAPPY ONES RIGHT NOW, AND IT IS BETTER FOR ME TO BE ALONE...............FRAN

4 comments:

derasta said...

Fran it's astounding to me to hear you have a sister there that will actually let you spend Thanksgiving alone...I wonder how in the world she can eat her dinner in peace tomorrow knowing that...all I can say is she should be very ashamed of herself...your day will come Fran...trust me...I know it seems so far off, but try to get thru each day at a time and before you know it, it will be here...don't stop writing, we all understand if you are having a bad day and we are here for you...your family might not be, but we are...

tkelliher617 said...

Hi Fran....Im so sorry about your horrible family!!!!  If you were close enough I would invite you for thanksgiving.  Iknow you dont feel happy about Jimmy's parole but spring will be here before you know it.  Jimmy loves you and you do have a family....you, Jimmy and your pets!  My prayers are with you.

Tabatha

lv2trnscrb said...

Sending a cyber hug your way; so sorry for the news not being what you wanted.

Families do tend to always disappoint us don't they?

I'm so sorry.........I think maybe a break from journaling might be good until you feel better; I hope it is soon; I will miss your news.

Lord, watch over Fran and protect her tonight; help her to see that you love her; send her some type of good news or some peace tonight. In Jesus' name we pray, amen

sugar1337 said...

I am sorry you had to been thanksgiving alone...but maybe next year you won't?  If you lived in our area...I would have invited you to ours....I hope one day your family learns how horrible they have treated you and at least says they are sorry.