Friday, May 6, 2005

TIME MOVES ON

THIS IS A REALITY JOURNAL.  AND SO, THE REALITY OF IT IS THAT JIMMY PROMISED ME 8 MONTHS AGO, THAT ONCE HE WENT TO A HALF-WAY HOUSE, HE WOULD START WEEK-END FURLOUGHS HOME.  AND SO, I'M STILL WAITING.  AND NOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED IS, I AM TIRED OF WAITING, AND HAVE STARTED TO MEET SOME NEW FRIENDS, VIA THE COMPUTER AND PHONE.  SOMETIMES I FEEL THESE NEW FRIENDS CARE ABOUT ME MORE THAN MY OWN HUSBAND.  THEY HAVE TIME FOR ME, WHEREAS JIMMY DOESN'T.  THEY CALL ME ALL DAY, EVERYDAY, AND TALK TO ME, AND CARE IF I AM NOT FEELING WELL, OR WHATEVER.  AND SO, EVEN A PSYCHIATRIST OR PSYCHOLOGIST WOULD TELL ME THAT IT IS ABNORMAL TO REMAIN COMPLETLY ALONE FOR 26 MONTHS.  ALL OTHERS HAVE ABANDONED ME, SO NOW , I WILL CONTINUE WITH MY NEW FRIENDS.  I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE.  I HAVE TRIED TO REMAIN THE DEVOTED WIFE, BUT IF YOU LOOK AT IT FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, YOU WILL UNDERSTAND.  I ASKED MY SISTER AND AUNT, WHO LIVE 10 MINUTES AWAY, TO AT LEAST DRIVE ME TO ATLANTIC CITY, WHICH IS ONE HOUR AWAY FROM HERE.  JIMMY COULD SET UP A 9 HOUE PACK PASS, TO SEE ME...WELL THE PROBLEM IS  THAT JIMMY IS JUST TOO BUSY WITH HIS JOB, TO SEE HIS WIFE.  AND THE SISIER AND AUNT HAVE STOPPED CALLING ME FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS, BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH DRIVING ME TO ATLANTIC CITY, OR EVEN KINTOCK.  NOW, MIND YOU, THE AUNT AND SISTER DRIVE TO ATLANTIC CITY EVERY WEEK, PASS HIS STORE, ETC.  AND LAST WEEK-END I SAW JIMMY'S FATHER IN SHOP-RITE..HE TURNED HIS HEAD AND LOOKED THE OTER WAY...AND SO, THIS IS A REALITY JOURNAL.  YOU CAN READ HOW LIFE IS FOR A PRISONER'S WIFE.  YOU CAN SEE HOW THE PENAL SYSTEM IS INSTRUMENTAL IN DESTROYING A MARRIAGE...THEY SHOUD BE INSISTING THAT HE HAS WEEK-END FURLOUGHS HOME, TO SEE HIS WIFE.  IT SHOULD BE UP TO THOSE IN KINTOCK, THE HALF-WAY HOUSE WHERE HE LIVES...AND SO, NOW, IT JUST MAY BE TOO LATE.  I HAVE FINALLY FOUND FRIENDS THAT CARE ABOUT ME, AND MAKE MY LIFE HAPPY........AND SO THAT IS THE SAD STORY ABOUT LIFE, BUT FOR ME, I REFUSE TO BE SAD.....

2 comments:

sugar1337 said...

I am sorry that he isn't trying to spend time with you when you have done so much for him....that has to be very frustrating....I hope that you can find people near you who care about you and show it soon.

paintsaqha said...

FRAN,

THIS ENTRY SOUNDS SO DIFFERENT THAN YOUR NORMAL ENTRIES... I AM GOING TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS... FIRST DOES JIMMY STILL CALL YOU EVERYDAY??  IF HE DOES HAVE YOU DISCUSSED WITH HIM HOW HIS LACK OF CARE IS MAKING YOU FEEL??  I KNOW YOU ARE LONELY, I TOO HAVE FELT THAT WAY IN REGUARD TO HAVING MY FATHER IN PRISON, BUT I LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY I GET TO SEE HIM WALK TOWARD ME IN HIS OWN CLOTHES. BUT THAT MOST LIKELY WILL NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE HIS PRISON TERM IS 25 YEARS TO LIFE.  YET, I SIT HERE WITH THE HOPE THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO GIVE HIM THAT HUGE HUG BEFORE HE PASSES ON.  I LOVE HIM LIKE I LOVE NO OTHER MAN IN MY LIFE~!~

SORRY YOU ARE GOING THRU THIS.  IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK JUST LET ME KNOW.

SHERYL
PAINTSAQHA