Sunday, May 8, 2005

taking a break

i'll be taking a break from writing this journal.  i'll return if and when i have something more to say.  someone wrote to me and said this journal makes them feel sad....that i am like a woman exiled.  that i am an innocent women who fell in love with a man with problems.

well, it's really not the purpose to make one feel sad.  life goes on, and the world goes on, but those with loved ones in prison, well, their life is very different from the norm.  they live in a different world.  in a bubble. 

all the aol journals that i have read, are based on a "happy life," an unrealistic world.  a world of happy homes, happy marriages, children, holidays, flowers that grow in their garden, cookies that bake in their ovens...but this journal is based on the realities of life.  this journal is really not for everyone.  yes, it can be depressing, to see what goes on behind the scenes in the life of a criminal's wife. 

and those "happy journals,' are unrealistic...they are living lies.  no one's life is so perfect as they portray.  to prove it, we have a 50 per cent divorce rate in our country, we have how many babies being born out of wed lock today, we have how many couples living together, we have close to 2 million people in prisons in our country....and the list goes on and on.  and so, i am sorry if you find my journal sad, because it is only reality.

jimmy told me today, that i remind him of KRISTIE ALLIE.  my humor, my attitude, and the way about me.  so, if you can imagine how she is, then you will know me, and understand just who i am.  that has always been my problem in life...for people to understand me.  and if i portrayed myself as a depressive person, well, i am sorry to have depressed you.  see, i'm really not like that, and i guess i had you all fooled..because as you all go about in your happy little homes, that are made out of perfetion, my life continues to be one big whirlwind of excitement and pleasure.  talk to you will see, as life unfolds for me, just what i am talking about!  i am not a depressive criminal's wife, by far and large!


starstarj said...

I am sorry you let a few comments drive you away from expressing yourself.  Please don't!  I read at least 10 journals and I too think they only talk about much of the perfect life. I will let you know my story about my daughter.  She was married to a man in jail for 2 years.  I did not agree with it but I tried to support her and even went to Texas (where she lived) so I could drive down and meet him in jail.  He was not a man I would want my daughter to be with but being that she was over 21 and independent that wasn't much I could say.  To this day I never did learn of why he was in jail (she never wanted to tell me) To make a long story short after 2 years of going to visit him practically every weekend( an 8 hour round trip) he started telling her she could not go out with any friends and she had to sit home all the time.  I guess she just got tired of waiting.  I can not imagine what it must be like.  Each story is different as each person in prison is different it is the people that wait that I feel concern for.  I am sure you are a nice person that feels you are doing what your heart says you should.  It is not easy being strong and everyone needs an outlet so write what you feel and don't let people out here stop you because they feel sad by your writings maybe it will make people think that life is not all roses and butterflies.

seagem73 said...

Fran, I just wanted to say that I don't find your writings sad.  You have been helping me cope.  The love of my life is in jail, and I don't get much understanding from anyone.  People are judgemental and critical.  He is a good person that made some bad mistakes....  But he will be coming home to me in July, and I am trying to make it through these final days until we can get on with our life together.  You have helped me to feel less alone in this struggle that others who have not experienced it just cannot find it in their hearts to empathize with.  Thank you.

kcsbaby2121 said...

wow i can not believe someone said that we all have problems no ones life is perfect if it was what fun would that be maybe that is why i do nto get many comments cause i am honest and have alot of problems or seem to lol and if they think it is sad they dont need to read it look i am breaking it down now lol well feel better

mumma4evr said...

my journal is not alway shappy and is very much based in my reality!