Monday, November 15, 2004

"I REMEMBER"

I remember the day I met Jimmy on line......and then we spoke on the phone....

I remember telling Jimmy, "We will talk on the phone, and then you will hang up, and probably never talk to me again!".......Jimmy said, "You are wrong Fran.  I will call again....I will talk to you forever.."...and so, we did talk on the phone forever.....When I married my Jimmy, I knew him almost totally by his voice,
  as we lived 2500 miles apart, and had spent a minimal amount of time actually together.  In actuality, we had spent 1 weekend together in Las Vegas, when he flew there and met me.......the next time I saw him, was when he flew back to marry me...He landed Sarurday nite, and we got married the next day.

And not only did we speak on the phone.....but I mean, we spoke and spoke and spoke, like every few hours we were talking.....Oddly enough, a large part of our relationship has been by phone....today, 18 months later, after his imprisonment, you can imagine how many times it is we spoke on the phone...........we speak at least 3 times a day........sometimes 4, 5, or 6..............calculate that and see what the figure is!...........Jimmy never has been away from me because of that phone.....he knows everything going on in the household, and about me, because of that phone!.............I'M lucky to have a "HIGH TECH" husband, who loves the latest technology....Our home is also high tech....Jimmy left me a notebook with all written instructions on how to operate all the hi tech stuff in our house!...Even on the phone he instructs me about the computer and how to re-program the tv, etc!

I remember that I kept the phone next to me in bed.....he would call me at various times throughout the night.....

I remember that after 2 weeks, he sent me a cell phone in the mail ....he was in New Jersey, I was in Las Vegas.........and with the cell phones and the house phone, we were forever connected....

Jimmy would wake me up for work....I would call him when I arrived at the hospital....He called as soon as I stepped in the door from work, in the morning.....I had my cell at work.....we talked at intervals while I worked in the hospital, he was working as a Bailbondsman.....We spokeall the time.....I called him from the parking lot when I arrived to food shop....and then in the store........he simply wanted to hear my voice all the time.........And I wanted to hear his voice.......I am always protected by Jimmy, even though he may not be by my side at the moment...........

I remember Jimmy's romantic e-mails and e-mail cards......I keep everything in memory books, that are on the shelf now.....

I remember Jimmy's presents he sent me.....I still sleep with the little stuffed animals he sent me.....

Before Jimmy left for prison, he bought ne a life size stuffed animal of a bunny rabbit.....I put that bunny next to me in bed....in Jimmy's spot, when he left for prison 18 months ago.....and bunny is still there...

I remember Jimmy telling me, when I met him, that he had to turn himself in to do a prison sentence.....it did not phase me ....I love him unconditionally......and he was wonderful to me at all times......he was romantic, strong, loving.........and, he treated me like a lady........."LADY," became one of our favorite songs........Jimmy was the only man I ever knew who opened every door I walked through.........like a queen!.......he never let me open those doors myself..............even car doors....he was right around the car,on the passenger side opening my door.....What a man!.....Not only loving to his wife, but respectful, too........Do they make men like that anymore?!.

I remember he told me it should only be 5 months he would be gone.

It is now 18 months, going on 19...

I remember telling him in the early days of his imprisonment that it would be impossible for me to wait 2 years or so for him to come home.....I knew I would wait.  But the thought of all those days and time alone without him was mind boggling to me....I just couldn't do it..........and yet, I had to, because I love him, and there is no other man like him, for me.................

I remember sitting in my bedroom when he left, looking at the 4 walls....and I sat, and sat, andsat............And I stopped thinking....I stopped crying......I was unable in those first few days and months to think about anything.....I felt numb all over.....my range of thought was about a few minutes....gradually I could think about the next hour.....the next day.  I split the day into 2...the mornig and the evening....when evening came, I was relieved because another day was over.....and morning brought to it the anticipation that evening would soon be here, and the cycle continued...........what a way to live.............but only the strongest survive.................so survive I did........I put "TIME" into blocks....I made a game of minutes/hours/days/weeks/months................and belive it or not, it was my own way of coping with the whole situation..........I became obsessed doing it..........I started making lists of things to do, and as the months passed, I became obsessive/compulsive in doing things.........things had to suddenly get done, on time, and in the correct way.....................

I remember starting this journal last New Year's Eve.....and through the months it grew, and people started identifying with it....they liked it and read it............they were suddenly not alone....and I was not alone either...........sharing my thoughts with you  became very important to me, and I am very grateful to all of you, who stood by me through thick and thin.

The weeks after Jimmy left home, I remember putting a picture of him on the refridgerator door.....he looked so handsome........he wore a black blazer and it was nite.....it was on the boardwalk at seaside....the amusement rides in the background........the ferris wheel all aglow..........it was a romantic nite for the two of us.........................And so, I would go to that pix, and hug the refridgerator, and kiss the pix.........And several times a day I stood before that pix, and cried to Jimmy..........and I would stand there, hugging the big refridgerator..............................what strange things we do as prison wives........................

And so, I'm glad to remincse and think over the past with you......

Truthfully I'm happy it's today, and not yesterday.....it is Nov. 2004, and not Nov. 2003.........................I remember it all very well!

...OH, AND I MUST TELL YOU!......JIMMY COOKED 6OO PIECES OF CHICKEN FOR THE MEN TODAY.....HE ATE A BREAST AND A LEG...................IMAGINE 600 PIECES!.....AND WOMEN COMPLAIN WHEN THEY HAVE TO COOK DINNER FOR THE FAMILY!

1 comment:

sugar1337 said...

I am glad that you were able to cope like you were.  You have come a long way!  :)