time moves on

WELL, I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR THEIR ANNIVERSARY CARDS, E-MAIL, AND GOOD WISHES, UPON OUR 5TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

JIMMY CALLED ME SEVERAL TIMES TODAY...I LOST TRACK, BUT I THINK IT WAS 6 TIMES....SOMETIMES, IT IS JUST FOR A FEW MINUTES, TO CHECK UP ON ME!  sometimes i'm still sleeping, so he says, "ok, go back to sleep...i just wanted to make sure you are ok."........WELL, I'M NOT SURE WHAT HE WOULD DO IF I'M NOT, SINCE HE IS IN A PLACE THAT HE CANNOT GET OUT OF!........BUT IF IT MAKES HIM HAPPY, SO BE IT!

THIS EVENING , THEY HAD THEIR "HOUSE MEETING."

LOGAN HALL TRIES TO KEEP THEM OCCUPIED.  EVERY MORNING THEY PUT ON A SKIT IN THE GYMNESIUM.  IT MUST BE ABOUT THINGS IN THE NEWSPAPER...INCLUDING HOROSOPES ETC.  IT WAS JIMMY'S TURN ON FRIDAY.  SO HE STOOD UP AND DID A LITTLE SKIT THAT ALL THE GUYS LOVED, AND THEY WERE CONGRADULATING HIMM ALL DAY ABOUT IT.

THIS EVENING, HE CALLED ME WHEN DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES WAS OVER...I WAS CRYING.  SO, I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE SHOW, AND HOW THE SURROGATE MOTHER SHOWED UP TO PICK UP HER BABY.

GOT TO GO NOW.........FRAN

some good news

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH JIMMY...HE CALLED AT 11:45 pm , JUST AT THE TIME WE WERE MARRIED, 5 YEARS AGO.  HE HAS BEEN CALLING ME ALL DAY, WISHING ME A HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

LAST NIGHT, HIS PAROLE OFFICER CALLED HIM INTO HIS OFFICE.  IT SEEMS JIMMY WILL FINALLY BE TRANSFERED TO THE OTHER HALF-WAY HOUSE...VOA, IN CAMDEN, NJ.  WE ARE VERY HAPPY, AS HE WILL BE CLOSER HOME, AND CAN RETURN TO HIS JOB.  IT SEEMS BY NEXT FRIDAY, HE WILL BE TRANSFERRED....SO, THAT IS GOOD NEWS...

THE BAD NEWS IS, THAT LARRY CANNOT TAKE ME TO SEE JIMMY THIS TUESDAY...HE IS BUSY WITH HIS JOB ALL WEEK, DELIVERING FURNITURE, AS HE OWNS A FURNITURE STORE.....SO THAT IS THAT....SINCE JIMMY HAS BEEN WITHIN THE PRISON SYSTEM, THE ONLY THING THAT I HAVE LEARNED TO PLAN IN LIFE, IS "TO SIMPLY PLAN TO BE DISAPPOINTED."...........YES, IF YOU PLAN TO BE LET DOWN, THEN IT HURTS LESS.......SIMPLY PUT.

AND SO, ON THAT NOTE, I WILL GO TO BED SOON, AND JIMMY WILL TRY TO CALL ME ONE LAST TIME TONIGHT, AT 1 AM...THE LAST CALL OF THE NIGHT..................FRAN

OUR 5TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

IN JUST 20 MINUTES, IT WILL BE OUR 5TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY....WE WERE MARRIED ON APRIL 29, 2001, IN LAS VEGAS, NEVADA, AT 11:45 pm, AT THE JUSTICE OF THE PEACE.  I KNOW JIMMY WILL CALL ME 2 MINUTES AFTER MIDNIGHT TONIGHT, WHEN IT WILL BE OUR ANNIVERSARY...........

JIMMY REMINDED ME TONIGHT, EARLIER ON ONE OF HIS CALLS, THAT FIVE YEARS AGO, ON THIS DAY, APRIL 28, 2001, I WAS BUSY IN LAS VEGAS , GETTING READY FOR HIM TO ARRIVE WITH HIS 2 FRIENDS, AT 11PM, AT MC CARREN AIRPORT....I WAS BUSY GETTING THE HOUSE READY, BUYING COLD CUTS, AND ALL SORTS OF FOODS AND SNACKS, TO HAVE ON THEIR ARRIVAL AT MY HOUSE....I ALSO WENT TO THE BEAUTY PARLOR THAT DAY...SOMETHING I ONLY DID TWICE IN MY LIFE, AND IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE I DID IT FOR JIMMY....JIMMY 'S THE TYPE OF MAN WHO ENJOYS HIS WOMAN TO SPEND TIME IN THE BEAUTY PARLOR GETTING PAMPERED.....AND YES, I EVEN GOT MY NAILS DONE!

YES...I WAS ALL READY TO GET MARRIED THE NEXT DAY, TO THIS MAN WHOM I WAS IN LOVE WITH, BUT HAD SPENT ALMOST NO TIME WITH HIM, IN THE HERE AND NOW, PHYSICAL SENSE.....I HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO LIVE WITH HIM 24 HOURS/DAY.  I HAD ONLY BEEN WITH HIM FOR THE ONE WEEKEND, AT INDIAN SPRINGS, NEVADA, 6 WEEKS EARLIER, WHEN HE FLEW ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO MEET ME IN PERSON.  BUT, I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT A SECOND MORE...IT WAS AS NATURAL AS BREATHING OXYGEN TO BECOME HIS WIFE..........

AND SO. AT 11PM, I WAS THERE WAITING AT THE GATE FOR JIMMY TO ARRIVE...I HAD BROUGHT VAUGHN WITH ME, A LONG-TIME FRIEND THAT LIVED DOWN THE BLOCK, AS JIMMY DIDN'T LIKE ME GOING AROUND BY MYSELF AT NIGHT.

WE KISSED AS HE WALKED OUT, AND HE TOOK MY HAND, AND LITERALLY NEVER LET GO....WE ALWAYS, EVEN TO THIS DAY, WALK HAND IN HAND............AND THEN WE DROVE TO MY HOUSE, AND EVERYONE RELAXED.....ATE, AND DRANK SODA......HAPPY AS COULD BE.  JIMMY PRESENTED ME A GIFT OF A PENDANT ON A CHAIN, OF A CRESCENT MOON, WITH A CRYSTAL, WHICH WAS MY SCREEN NAME, AND INSIGNIA EVEN WAY BACK THEN...HE ALWAYS LIKED TO CALL ME CRYSTAL MOON.............AND JIMMY WAS KNOWN AS "BONDSMAN," AS THAT WAS HIS SCREEN NAME, ALONG WITH WHAT HE DID IN REAL LIFE.......

THEN, AFTERWARDS, VAUGHN WENT HOME, AND HIS 2 FRIENDS WENT OUT TO THE STRIP, AND JIMMY AND I WENT UPSTAIRS TO OUR BEDROOM, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT WE REALLY WANTED....JUST TO BE ALONE.....IN EACH OTHERS ARMS..........AND I KNEW THAT THE NEXT DAY, I WOULD BE MARRIED TO THIS WONDERFUL, EXTRAORDINARY MAN....

WELL, IT IS NOW AFTER MIDNIGHT, AND I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH JIMMY....HE CALLED ME 2 MINUTES BEFORE MIDNIGHT, AND THEN WISHED ME A HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, AS MIDNIGHT CAME IN...

WE BOTH REMINISED ON THE PHONE ABOUT MEETING AT THE AIRPORT, ETC.........

HE WILL CALL ME EARLY IN THE MORNING, AS "IT IS OUR DAY," JIMMY STATED......."THIS WILL BE THE LAST YEAR I'LL BE IN PRIISON, AND THE LAST DAY AWAY FROM YOU ON OUR ANNIVERSARY"..........JIMMY HAS ALWAYS PROMISED TO TAKE ME TO PARIS, THE CITY OF LOVE AND LIGHTS, FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY........AS FOR ME, I'D LOVE IT, BUT IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER, AS I JUST WANT TO BE WITH JIMMY, NO MATTER WHERE IT IS IN THE WORLD.

SO, AS WE HUNG UP, JIMMY SAID HE IS GOING TO BED NOW. AND ASKED ME TO GO TO BED, AND LAY AND THINK OF HIM......AND THAT IS JUST WHAT I WILL DO NOW...........FRAN

PS..........TODAY WAS A VERY UNUSUAL DAY FOR ME.  JIMMY PUT ON THE PHONE 3 GUYS TO SAY HELLO TO ME, AT LOGAN HALL.  THEY ARE READING THIS JOURNAL, AND JUST LOVE IT!  (one fellow, i have spoken with his girlfriend several times on the phone).  AND THE BEST PART WAS THAT JIMMY ASKED ME TO CALL THE FATHER OF A RESIDENT TODAY..........THE FATHER LIVES IN LEBANON.  SO I MADE AN INTERNATIONAL CALL TO HIS FATHER, AND WE HAD SUCH A VERY NICE CHAT ON THE PHONE.  THE FATHER HAD NOT HEARD FROM HIS SON IN MANY YEARS, AND WAS AFRAID HE MAY BE IN PRISON.  I FELT SO BLESSED, AND HAPPY TO HAVE BEEN THE "GO-BETWEEN" BETWEEN FATHER AND SON..........THE COMMUNICATOR, , COUNTRIES APART.............IT'S A STRANGE LIFE, A STRANGE WORLD...AND FORTUNATELY "LOVE STILL DOES MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND!"

SPRING IS IN THE AIR!

I SOMEHOW FEEL FRESHER, LIGHTER, TODAY!.....LIFE SEEMS LESS OF A BURDEN TODAY!......IT MUST BE THE SPRING, AND BEAUTIFUL WEATHER WE ARE HAVING HERE IN SOUTH JERSEY!

I WENT TO BUY DAN BROWN'S PREVIOUS BOOK, TODAY, IN CVS, CALLED "ANGELS AND DEMONS."  THAT IS THE BOOK  HE WROTE BEFORE THE DAVINCI CODE, WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER IS FORMED...IT ALSO SEEMS TO TALK ABOUT THE "NEW ROME," AND VATICAN CITY........YES, I'VE BEEN THERE TOO!  THE VATICAN TWICE, AND ROME TWICE.  IN ROME WE STAYED NEAR THE NARVONNE PIAZZA AND FOUNTAIN, IN A LITTLE ANTIQUATED HOTEL, CALLED THE PORTUGESE HOTEL...IT WAS "SO ROME!"...AT NIGHT WE WOULD WALK TO THE NARVONNE PIAZZA, NEAR THE BIG FOUNTAIN, WHERE ALL THE ACTIVITIES WOULD TAKE PLACE!....WALK, LOOK, SEE THE SIGHTS...BUY LITTLE MEMENTOES ALONG THE WAY.  AND THEN SIT AND HAVE A GELATI (ICE CREAM), IN THE OPEN AIR PLAZA.........GREAT!  WONDERFUL!....HOW I MISS THOSE THINGS IN LIFE!

DURING MY FIRST TRIP TO ROME, WE STAYED IN A LARGE MODERN HOTEL.....WE SAW THE COLISEUM, VATICAN CITY, AND SO MANY DIFFERENT CHURCHES AND CATHEDRALS....ALSO, THE FOUNTAIN OF TREVIA TWICE...YES "THREE COINS IN A FOUNTAIN."...I THREW THE COIN OVER MY SHOULDER THE FIRST TIME, AND THEN LUCKILY RETURNED TO ROME A FEW YEARS LATER, AS THE LEGEND SAYS.........

AND SO FOR NOW I HAVE RESORTED BACK TO READING FICTIONAL NOVELS, THAT CAN REFRESH MY MEMORY OF THE TIMES I SPENT TRAVELING AROUND THE WORLD, EARLIER IN LIFE!....I THINK IT IS GOOD FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON FICTIONAL NOVELS FOR A WHILE.

I ALSO FINISHED WRITING MY STORY FOR GLAMOUR MAGAZINE, AND I WENT TO THE POST OFFICE TO MAIL IT...IT IS AROUND 2500 WORDS.  IT A CONTEST GLAMOUR MAGAZINE HAS RUN FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS......THE WINNER GETS $5000.00, AND BETTER YET, IS A TRIP TO NEW YORK, TO MEET A FAMOUS PUBLISHER, WHO WILL HELP YOU WRITE AND PUBLISH THE BOOK.  THE STORY I WROTE, IS THE SAME ONE I WRITE OVER AND OVER AGAIN...I CHANGE THE WORDS AROUND, BUT THE STORY IS ABOUT HOW JIMMY AND I MET, 2500 MILES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, FELL IN LOVE AND  MARRIED.  OUR EXCITING LIFE LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, AND THEN HIM TAKING ME HERE TO NEW JERSEY, SO HE COULD GO TO PRISON....THEN, HOW I STARTED THIS JOURNAL......HOPEFULLY, ONE DAY SOME ONE WILL LIKE MY STORY, AND WANT TO PUBLISH IT!

WELL...GOTTA GO NOW.....HAVE TO FEED PRINCE!

......................FRAN

logan hall, newark, new jersey

MY HUSBAND'S ATTORNEY CALLED ME THIS AFTERNOON.  HE WAS QUITE UPSET WITH LOGAN HALL.  HE SAID HE WANTS TO GO AND SEE MY HUSBAND IN LOGAN HALL.  HE CALLED THERE 5 TIMES LAST WEEK, AND SENT THEM 5 FAXES, SO HE COULD SET UP AN APPOINTMENT TO GO AND SEE JIMMY.  THERE WAS NO RESPONSE FROM LOGAN HALL.  MY ATTORNEY SAID, THE SAME THING MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN SAYING..."LOGAN HALL DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING."

I CALLED HIS PAROLE OFFICER, WHO NEVER SEEMS TO ANSWER MY CALLS, AND THEN I SPOKE WITH HIS COUNSELOR, WHO WILL GIVE HER SUPERVISOR THE MESSAGE TOMOOROW....EVERYONE JUST SEEMS TO PASS THE BUCK THERE.  LATER IN THE DAY, I WAS ABLE TO OBTAIN A PERSON'S NAME THAT I WILL TRY TO CONTACT TOMORROW, AND WILL HOPEFULLY STRAIGHTEN THINGS OUT............IF THEY KNOW BETTER, THEY WILL MOT MESS AROUND WITH OUR ATTORNEY, AS HE IS A WELL-KNOWN, FAMOUS LAWYER HERE IN NEW JERSEY, AND HAS KNOWN MY HUSBAND FOR AROUND 12 OR MORE YEARS........

JIMMY AND I SPOKE SO MANY TIMES ON THE PHONE TODAY....I GOT SOME OTHER IMPORTANT BUSINESS MATTERS FOR HIM TAKEN CARE OF TODAY.

APRIL 29 IS OUR 5TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, 3 YEARS OF WHICH HE HAS BEEN IN PRISON.  I SENT HIM 2 CARDS, ONE WHICH HAD BEAUTIFUL RED ROSES ON IT.

HOPEFULLY, IF JIMMY GETS IT APPROVED, LARRY WILL TAKE ME TO NEWARK NEXT TUESDAY AFTERNOON, AND HE WILL COME OUT ON A 4 HOUR PASS WITH US...SO, WE CAN CELEBRATE OUR ANNIVERSAY, AND GO OUT FOR LUNCH, AND TAKE A RIDE AROUND NEWARK....WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

I SENT JIMMY FROM CROSS.COM, A 14 CARET GOLD FILLED PEN ($75.00) INSCRIPTED WITH HIS NAME, A FEW DAYS AGO.  HE SAYS THAT IS HIS ANNIVERSARY PRESENT, AND ONLY WANTS ME THERE ON TUESDAY!......I REALLY WANTED TO BUY HIM THE 18 CARET SOLID GOLD PEN, WHICH COST $895.00, BUT I THOUGHT HE MAY LOSE IT, OR SOMEONE MAY STEAL IT AT THE HALF-WAY HOUSE!

THE STORY OF THE GOLD PEN IS THIS....WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED, JIMMY TOOK ME OUT TO BUY A GOLD PEN FOR ME, AND ONE FOR HIMSELF.  HE BOUGHT A PARKER 10 KARET FOR HIMSELF, AND FOR ME, I WANTED A PARKER PEN, 14 KARET, WHICH WAS A LITTLE THICKER, AND I LIKED IT THAT WAY.  WELL,  A FEW DAYS BEFORE HE TURNED HIMSELF INTO JAIL, HERE IN JERSEY, MARCH 2003, WE WENT TO OUR LITTLE ROMANTIC SPOT, OUR FAVORITE CHINESE RESTAURANT FOR A DELICIOUS MEAL ...IT IS ONE OF THOSE CHINESE RESTAURANTS WITH THE OLD FASHION CHINESE MOTIF AND DECOR.......JIMMY IS A GREAT ROMANTIC, AND LOVES TO SIT AT THE TABLE HOLDING MY HAND, AND GAZING AT ME FROM ACROSS THE TABLE...HE LOVES TO ORDER ROMANTIC THINGS LIKE, THE POU-POU PLATTER, WITH THE LITTLE CANDLE BURNING.  WE HAD GONE TO THIS CHINESE RESTAURANT SO MANY TIMES, THE WAITRESS KNEW US SO WELL, SHE KNEW WHAT WE WOULD ORDER!.............AND SO, AFTER THIS ROMANTIC DINNER, WE WALKED OUT TO THE CAR, HAND IN HAND....JIMMY BENT ME OVER THE FRONT HOOD OF OUR JAGUAR, AND STARTING KISSING ME, VERY PASSIONATELY.......WELL, IN THE HEAT IF THE MOMENT, THE GOLD PEN MUST HAVE FALLEN OUT OF HIS POCKET.  WHEN WE GOT HOME, AND SLIPPED OUT OF OUR CLOTHES, READY TO MAKE PASSIONATE LOVE, HE REALIZED THE PEN WAS MISSING...HE DIDN'T CARE, AS HE WANTED TO MAKE LOVE TO ME, OVER AND OVER, AS HE ALWAYS DID..........SO, THAT WAS THE STORY OF THAT PEN, AND NOW HE HAS ANOTHER ONE!

WELL, AS FOR ME, I'M JUST FINISHING UP THE DAVINCI CODE.  TOMORROW, I WILL GO AND BUY DAN BROWN'S PREVIOUS BOOK, "ANGELS AND DEVILS," AS I SAW IT IN THE STORE A FEW DAYS AGO, AND DECIDED TO GO BACK AND BUY IT..I FEEL IT IS GOOD FOR ME TO BE INTERESTED IN A LITTLE FICTION FOR NOW...IT GETS MY MIND "INVOLVED,' WHICH I LIKE.

JIMMY IS STILL READING THE 5 BOOKS I SENT HIM...HE TOLD ME THEY ARE THE BEST........HE CONTINUES TO STUDY THE LATIN BOOK, AND WOULD LIKE ME TO BRUSH UP ON IT, TOO, SO WE CAN SPEAK LATIN TO EACH OTHER, AND NO ONE WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT WE ARE SAYING...ALTHOUGH LATIN IS REALLY A WRITTEN LANGUAGE, AND NOT A SPOKEN ONE...STILL IT IS POSSIBLE TO SPEAK IT!...............THE GUYS AT LOGAN HALL ALWAYS JOKE AROUND WITH JIMMY BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY ONE THERE WHO HAS THE WALL STREET JOURNAL DELIVERED EVERYDAY, AND WALKS AROUND WITH THE PAPER UNDER HIS ARM...........OH, I JUST LOVE IT!

TODAY I TREATED MYSELF, AND MADE 1 DOZEN BOILED FRESH SHRIMP..........VERY TASTY!

GOOD NIGHT!.............FRAN

PHONE FIXED

THE HOUSE PHONE IS FIXED...JIMMY JUST CALLED....ALL IS WELL, AND AT PEACE, ONCE AGAIN.....ALTHOUGH I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP FOR THE PAST 3 DAYS, WORRIED ABOUT NOT HAVING A HOUSE PHONE...MY CELL PHONE CUTS OUT HERE, SO IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO USE...THERE ARE FEW TOWERS HERE, AND THE PEOPLE IN OUR COMMUNITY DON'T WANT MORE PHONE TOWERS HERE, AS I UNDERSTAND IT.

I WAS ON MY CELL PHONE ALL MORNING  (KEEPS CUTTING OFF), AND I CALLED THE MANAGEMENT HERE, SECURITY, AND SPOKE WITH THE SUPERVISOR OF VERIZON PHONE COMPANY.........I JUST DON'T KNOW....THERE ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE SOME PROBLEM IN LIFE TO FIX...ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE.........

ANYHOW, WHAT KEPT ME COMPANY THESE PAST 3 NIGHTS, AS I SAT UP, TOO NERVOUS TO GO TO SLEEP, WAS READING THE DAVINCI CODE.........YES, IT REALLY KEEPS ME GOING.......STILL HAVE AROUND 180 PAGES TO READ......THEN I WILL GET INTO, " DISAPPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSE."  I STARTED IT, AND IT IS REALLY GOOD.....JIMMY GOT THE COPY I SENT HIM, AND HE LOVES IT TOO...THERE IS HUMOR IN THAT BOOK.  ALSO, JIMMY'S ROOMATE LOVES THE BOOK, TOO!

WELL. YES, READING!....ANYTHING TO GET MY MIND OFF THE HEADACHES OF LIFE..............AND OH YES, THERE IS AMERICAN IDOL TONITE.

AS FOR NOW, I'LL GO AND SIT OUTSIDE WITH PRINCE, AND ENJOY THE FRESH AIR AND SUNLIGHT!

           FRAN

PHONE LINE CUT, ONCE AGAIN

THE HOUSE PHONE LINES, WERE CUT ONCE AGAIN, ON FRIDAY.  AS YOU MAY RECALL, THE PHONE LINES WERE CUT LAST OCTOBER...THAT IS 6 MONTHS AGO, (WHEN JIMMY ARRIVED HOME ON HIS FURLOUGH, WE FOUND THEM CUT).....I WAS SHOCKED TO FIND THE HOUSE PHONE NOT WORKING ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON...WHEN I WENT OUTSIDE, WHERE THE WIRES ARE, I FOUND THE WIRE WAS CUT...IT WAS A CLEAN CUT , DONE WUTH A WIRE CUTTER, I SUPPOSE.  THIS WAS NOT THE WORK OF A SQUIRREL, OR RABBIT, THAT WE THOUGHT MAY HAVE DONE IT LAST OCTOBER.  LUCKILY JIMMY HAS BEEN ABLE TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ME ON MY CELL PHONE.  HE HAS GIVEN ME STRICT INSTRUCTIONS TO KEEP MY CELL PHONE ON, AND WITH ME AT ALL TIMES...EVEN IN BED.  HE HAS TOLD ME TO NOT HESITATE TO CALL 911, IF I HEAR ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS, OR IF THE DOG STARTS BARKING.  HE HAS ASKED ME TO KEEP THE FRONT AND BACK PATIO LIGHTS ON ALL NIGHT.............I MEAN, I CAN SEE THIS WAS DONE ONCE, BUT NOW TWICE IN A 6 MONTH PERIOD MAKES ONE A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS.  CUTTING PHONE LINES IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE, AND THE PERSON DOING IT, IF CAUGHT, COULD FACE GOING TO PRISON FOR IT.

JIMMY HAS BEEN CALLING ME FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, AS SOON AS HE CAN, AT 8:30 AM, TO MAKE SURE I AM OK...HE HAS CALLED ME AROUND 6 TIMES TODAY, TO MAKE SURE I AM OK..........I TOLD HIM TO PLEASE NOT SCARE ME, AND THAT PRINCE, OUR DOG, IS HERE, AND WILL ATTACK ANYONE WHO WOULD TRY ANYTHING.

FUNNY THING, IS THAT WE LIVE IN A SECURE, GATED COMMUNITY.  TOMORROW THE PHONE COMPANY WILL BE COMING, AND I WILL BE NOTIFYING THE MANAGEMENT ABOUT THIS, AS THEY HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS......SURVELLIENCE CAMERAS.....AND COVERING THE PHONE WIRES.....

WELL, TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY THIS WEEKEND, I HAVE BEEN READING THE "DA VINCI CIDE," AND HAVE BECOME A BIG FAN OF IT.....I AM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS BOOK!..TO ME, DAN BROWN HAS WRITTEN A FANTASTIC NOVEL!  I RECCOMEND IT TO ANYONE!  NOT ONLY IS IT A PAGE TURNER, BUT IT IS SOMETHING I BELIEVED IN OVER 30 YEARS AGO, WHEN THE LOST GOSPELS BECAME KNOWN ABOUT.....I STARTED BELIEVING IN IT, AND READING ABOUT IT IN THE EARLY 70'S....IT IS SOMETHING I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN.  ON THE OTHER HAND, IT IS CONTROVERSIAL WITHIN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, BUT THAT IS ANOTHER ISSUE I WILL NOT GET INTO.........I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THE MOVIE.  FOR ME, ONE OF THE BEST PARTS, IS THAT I HAVE BEEN TO SO MANY OF THE PLACES HE WRITES ABOUT, AND IT BRINGS BACK MEMORIES.......PARIS, THE LOUVRE.  I STOOD BEFORE THE MONA LISA.  BEEN TO NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL TWICE......ALSO TO THE CATHERDRAL THAT HOLDS THE ORIGINAL GREENWHICH LINE...........BEEN TO THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES............

LET'S SAY, THAT IS A LARGE PART OF WHAT DEFINES ME.......I'VE BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, MY WHOLE LIFE.  YES, I'VE BEEN BLESSED, I WOULD SAY, TO HAVE STOOD IN THE MOST WONDERFUL MUSEUMS AND CATHEDRALS IN THE WORLD!  I HAVE SET MY EYES ON THE MOST FAMOUS TREASURES AND WORKS OF ART, IN THE WORLD........AND IT THRILLS ME TO KNOW THAT, AND REMEMBER ......  TO NAME JUST A MINISCULE FEW, I HAVE BEEN TO THE SISITNE CHAPEL TWICE, I HAVE SEEN ALL OF MICHELANGELO'S WORKS IN FLORENCE.......THE DAVID, THE PIETA.........IN SPAIN, EL GRECO, AND ALL OF HIS PAINTINGS........THE TAJ MAHAL, IN INDIA...........CATHERDRALS IN GERMANY........EL ESCORIAL.........THE ALHAMBRA........WESTMINISTER ABBEY......BUCKINGHAM PALACE........CASTLES THROUGHOUT EUROPE.......TO KISS THE BLATNEY STONE IN IRELAND..................

WHILE READING THIS BOOK, I REALIZE WHAT A MOST WONDERFUL THING IT IS TO HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN TO SO MANY OF THESE PLACES ON OUR PLANET.......THERE ARE SO MANY, I CAN'T EVEN LIST THEM HERE...........EVEN WHEN I LIVED IN NEW YORK, IN THE 70'S , 80;S AND BEGINNING OF 90'S, I WENT TO SO MANY MUSEUMS AND CHURCHES AND CATHEDRALS.  IT WAS ACTUALLY A HOBBY WITH ME..TO VISIT THOSE PLACES.....NOTHING LIKE SPENDING A DAY AT THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART.  EVERY WEEK, I WOULD SEEK OUT A NEW PLACE TO VISIT...A CHURCH, A CATHEDRAL...STEEPED IN ANTIQUITY AND ART AND HISTORY........I EVEN LIVED ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE LARGEST CATHEDRAL IN THE WORLD, "ST. JOHN THE DIVINE, " AND WOULD SPEND SO MANY AFTERNOONS THERE, WALKING AROUND, OR ATTENDING A CONCERT AT NIGHT........

YES, AND WHEN ANYONE MAKES ME FEEL I AMONG THE LOWEST OF THE LOW, BECAUSE MY HUSBAND COMMITTED A CRIME, AND IS IN PRISON, WELL IT IS DURING THOSE TIMES, I REMIND MYSELF OF THE PLACES I HAVE TRAVELED TO...OF THE PLACES I HAVE SEEN........AND THEN I REMEMBER JUST WHO I AM...........AND NO ONE, NOT EVEN A PRISON SYSTEM, CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME..........FRAN

KEEPING YOU UP TO DATE

I HAVEN'T DESERTED MY JOURNAL!...ONLY SLOWING DOWN  A LITTLE, AS TIME PASSES BY......WE ARE INTO JIMMY'S 4TH YEAR OF BEING AWAY FROM HOME, AND IT SEEMS ALMOST UNREALISTIC, AND I  DON'T WANT TO BORE YOU WITH MY COMPLAINING......

WHAT IS IT EXACTLY LIKE AFTER 4 YEARS?  WELL, IT IS A LITTLE LIKE BEING NUMB ALL OVER...ALMOST A LITTLE LIKE NO LONGER CARING ABOUT THE WORLD, BECAUSE THE WORLD REALLY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU........HOWEVER, I CONTINUE TO GET PHONE CALLS FROM PEOPLE, AND THAT KEEPS ME BUSY......JIMMY AND I TALK ABOUT 5 TIMES A DAY...WE ARE ALWAYS LAUGHING OR JOKING.........HE KEEPS ME HANGING ON TO SANITY BY A FINE THREAD...........AS LONG AS I CAN SEE THE FUNNY PART ABOUT LIFE, THEN I'M OK.........AND SO IT IS WITH JIMMY!

THE GUYS AT LOGAN HALL ARE REALLY ACTING UP, AND GETTING SENT TO JAIL...IT MUST BE THE WARM SPRING WEATHER WE ARE HAVING...........BUT AS FOR MY HUSBAND, HE WALKS AROUND OR STAYS IN BED, WITH HIS LATIN GRAMMER BOOK...BRUSHING UP ON LATIN WHICH HE TOOK AT ST. PETER'S PREP, IN JERSEY CITY...MANY YEARS AGO. 

I HAVE SENT JIMMY 5 MORE BOOKS THROUGH BARNES AND NOBLE. COM.........ANOTHER MORE ADVANCED LATIN GRAMMER BOOK, A LATIN-ENGLISH DICTIONARY, A BOOK ON LATIN AND GREEK ESSAYS AND STORIES, SUCH AS "THE ODESSEY,"  PLATO, AND A CLASSIC NOVEL  BY JOHN  ROUSSEAU, IN WHICH HE TALKS ABOUT THE SOCIAL STRUCTURE OF MAN, AND THE GOVERNMENT.......ALSO, "THE DISSAPERENCE OF THE UNIVERSE," HAS NOT GOTTEN THERE YET................SO, I GUESS THAT WILL KEEP JIMMY BUSY READING FOR A WHILE.........

JIMMY NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING TO KEEP BUSY WHILE THERE AT LOGAN HALL.........SO, WHILE THE OTHER GUYS RUN AROUND BEING BAD, MY HUSBAND READS HIS CLASSICAL BOOKS!......YES, LEAVE THAT TO JIMMY!  LIFE TO US, IS VERY FUNNY AND COMICAL, IN MANY WAYS.....WHAT SAVES US THROUGH THIS PROCESS, IS THE HUMORUS SIDE OF LIFE........

ALL THE EDUCATIONAL CLASSES AT LOGAN HALL HAVE BEEN CANCELLED THIS WEEK, BECAUSE OF TRAINING SESSIONS FOR THE PEOPLE WORKING THERE.......I WAS SHOCKED TO LEARN, THAT THERE IS NO CLASSROOM THERE....WHEN, AND IF CLASSES ARE HELD, IT IS IN THE GYMNESIUM.......AND I HEAR ALL THE YOUNG WOMEN WORKING THERE WEAR TIGHT , SHORT DRESSES........I SAW THIS MYSELF LAST WEEK, WHEN I VISITED ON FAMILY NIGHT.  AND I DON'T THINK WOMEN SHOULD BE PERMITTED TO WEAR THOSE KIND OF  SKIRTS AND DRESSES IN AN INSTITUTION THAT IS ALL MALE CONVICTS.  I MEAN, YOU WOULD THINK THEY HAD SOME SORT OF DRESS CODE FOR THE WORKING WOMEN.......I FIND IT SURPRISING THAT THIS IS ALLOWED........AND WHEN THESE GIRLS WRITE ON THE BLACKBOARD, THE BOARD IS SET UP IN SUCH A WAY, THAT THEY HAVE TO LEAN OVER, AND THEIR SKIRT HIKES UP, AND ALL THE MEN HAVE A GOOD VIEW.....THEY ARE THE TALK OF THE INSTITUTION...

A FEW DAYS AGO A RESIDENT TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE....SOMETHING ABOUT BECAUSE HE WAS NOT ALLOWED TO RETURN TO HIS JOB.........

ANOTHER DAY, THERE WAS A FIRE DRILL.  ONE MAN WAS MISSING.......FINALLY, AFTER A LONG SEARCH, GUESS WHERE HE WAS FOUND!  SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, UNDER THE COVERS!....NO ONE EVER THOUGHT TO LOOK THERE!.......

AND, HAVING WORKED IN INSTITUTIONS MY WHOLE LIFE, AS AN R.N., I KNOW IT IS MANDATORY, ACCORDING TO THE FIRE CODE, TO CLOSE ALL BEDROOM DOORS DURING A DRILL...SOME PLACES HAVE THE DOORS MAGNETICALLY AND ELECTRONICALLY CLOSE..........BUT, IT SEEMS TO NOT APPLY TO LOGAN HALL, AS THE BEDROOM DOORS REMAIN OPEN DURING FIRE DRILLS.

JIMMY HAS BEEN EVALUATED MANY TIMES, PASSING ALL THE STEPS ALONG THE WAY, WITH FLYING COLORS......TO MAKE SURE HE IS APPROVED TO GO OUT ALONE ON PASSES.....HE WAS EVALUATED 2 OR 3 WEEKS AGO, BUT IT HAS YET TO BE PUT INTO THE COMPUTER..........HE SAYS BY NEXT WEEK HE WILL HAVE HIS APPROVAL TO GO OUT ON PASSES.....FOR EXAMPLE TO THE LOCAL STORE, TO DO SOME SHOPPING.

YES, BEING ON PAROLE, DOESN'T REALLY MEAN A THING FOR ME, EXCEPT THAT IT DRAGS THIS PROCESS OUT LONGER..........AND SO, FOR ALL YOU WOMEN WHO THINK THAT IT IS EASY...AND YOU ARE IN THE FIRST FEW MONTHS OF YOUR MAN'S INCARCERATION, LET ME TELL YOU, IT ISN'T.  JUST WAIT TILL THOSE DAYS AND MONTHS TURN INTO YEARS........AND YOU SEE THE TURN OF TIME........AND YOU SEE YOURSELF GROW OLDER....AND YOUR HOME TURNS GREY AND UGLY....THOSE THINGS THAT WERE NEW AND FRESH WHEN YOUR MAN LIVED THERE, HAVE GROWN DUSTY AND STALE........LIFE HAS PASSED BY, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE......WHEN YOUR TEARS TURN TO ICE AND STONE.............WHEN YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS BECOME A CONFUSED BALL OF NUMBNESS....NOTHINGINESS.........WHEN ALL THE JOY OF LIFE GOES OUT OF YOU............THEN MY DEAR FRIENDS, COME BACK HERE TO THIS JOURNAL, AND TELL ME JUST HOW YOU ARE...........AFTER YEARS, YOU, TOO, WILL SEE, EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT...........

IT TAKES A VERY STRONG PERSON TO SURVIVE THIS PRISON ORDEAL, IN ONE PIECE.........

AND THAT IS JIMMY AND I......STRONG AND DETERMINED..............GOING WITH THE FLOW............LOOKING UPON EVERYTHING IN LIFE, EVEN THIS, AS JUST ONE MORE CHALLENGE, TO OVERCOME........YES, THAT IS WHAT WE ARE ABOUT...........FIGHTERS TO THE END..........

AND YOU MAY WONDER, JUST WHAT DOES A PRISONER'S WIFE STILL DO AT HOME, ALONE, AFTER 3 YEARS, AND 1 MONTH?...................WELL, I AM BORED, EVEN WITH MYSELF.......AND EVEN WITH THIS JOURNAL.

BUT I EXPECTED THAT.....TO BE BORED, THAT IS..........FROM THE FIRST TIME, WHEN I WROTE IN THIS JOURNAL, ON DEC. 31, 2003, I KNEW IT WOULD BE A LONG HAUL...........I KNEW THAT AFTER YEARS OF WRITING MY FEELINGS, HERE, I WOULD BECOME BORED, AND MOST LIKELY YOU WOULD BECOME BORED............WHY?  BECAUSE THERE IS JUST SO MUCH ONE CAN WRITE ABOUT THIS SUBJECT.......AND THEN, IT BECOMES REDUNDENT........BUT I KNEW, NEVERTHELESS, I WOULD STICK IT OUT UNTIL THE END........

AND SO, MY DAYS ARE FILLED WITH WATCHING AMERICAN IDOL, THE VIEW, MARTHA STEWART, LARRY KING, NANCY GRACE.........THINGS LIKE THAT.....

READING "MIRACLES DO HAPPEN," (for the upteenth time), SYLVIA BROWN'S BOOKS, AND WAITING FOR "THE DISAPPEARANCE OF RHE UNIVERSE," TO ARRIVE FROM BARNES AND NOBLE.

I FIXED UP THE PATIO, AS I DO EACH YEAR FOR THE SPRING, WITH 2 BEAUTIFUL FAIRY STATUES, AND A LITTLE BIRDHOUSE........A LARGE STATUE OF 2 CHILDREN IN A WAGON.......A NEW DOORMAT.........I HAVE SOME TULIPS, AND ANOTHER FLOWERING PLANT.......I BOUGHT 2 GRAPE TOMATO PLANTS, AS I DO EACH YEAR, BUT IT IS TOO SOON TO PUT THEM OUT.  SO, NOW, PRINCE AND I SIT OUTSIDE EACH DAY ON THE PATIO, AND ENJOY THE SUNLIGHT, AND BLUE SKY.............

I HAD A 17 LB. HAM FOR EASTER, WHICH PRINCE , THE 2 CATS AND I ATE FOR SEVERAL DAYS, UNTIL PRINCE TURNED HIS NOSE UP AT IT........TODAY I MADE MY OWN CONGLOMERATION OF PEA SOUP WITH LENTILS, BARLEY, AND FRESHVEGETABLES, USING THE HAM BONE.........PRINCE WAS IN HIS GLORY LICKING AND CHEWING ON THAT BONE ALL EVENING.......

IT'S FUNNY.  I DO EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE TO....BUT I DON'T FEEL IT.......I ALMOST DON'T FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE......IT IS LIKE I'M DETACHED FROM EVERYTHING.......I'M HERE, BUT NOT REALLY HERE........I EXIST IN SOME GREY WORLD, BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH.........NO MATTER HOW I TRY TO BE PART OF THE WORLD, I'M NOT.  JIMMY SAID THAT THIS FEELING WILL GO AWAY, ONCE HE STARTS COMING HOME......HE WILL ONCE AGAIN TAKE ME OUT OF THE HOUSE, AND I WILL NOT FEEL SO ISOLATED, AS I AM NOW........HE WILL ONCE AGAIN TAKE ME PLACES....RESTAURANTS, MOVIES, SHOPPING.  HE BELIEVES MY FEELINGS OF ISOLATION AND DISASSOCIATION AND AGORAPHOBIA WILL GO AWAY, WITH TIME.  HE SAYS WHEN HE IS AT MY SIDE, I WILL ONCE AGAIN FEEL SAFE ....THAT I WILL ONCE AGAIN START TO ENJOY THINGS IN LIFE...........RIGHT NOW, THAT SEEMS VERY DIFFICULT FOR MYSELF.......IT IS ALL VERY SCARY.

AND FOR THOSE PRISONER'S WIVES WHO DISAGREE WITH ME, THAT THE PRISON SYSTEM TRIES VERY HARD TO DESTROY MARRAGES, DESPITE WHAT THEY SAY, MAYBE IT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE AT THE BEGINNING OF YOUR LONG JOURNEY.............YOU WILL SEE WHAT I MEAN, AFTER YOU GO THROUGH THIS FOR YEARS........

NOW, ON A LIGHTER NOTE, BECAUSE I AM SO BORED WITH EVERYTHING AROUND ME, I HAVE TAKEN UP A NEW HOBBY............THE STOCK MARKET!............YES, I AM TEACHING MYSELF ON-LINE TRADING..........IT IS A LITTLE FUN SPOT IN MY LIFE.........KIND OF LIKE A GAME OF MONOPOLY, BUT IT IS FOR REAL.........SO, IT KEEPS ME INTERSTED IN SOMETHING FOR A WHILE, BECAUSE MOST OF MY INTEREST IN LIFE HAS FADED.........JIMMY EXPLAINS IT TO ME, SO THEN , OF COURSE IT BECOMES FUN!

I ALSO HAVE TO DO MY HOME STUDY COURSES FOR THE RENEWAL OF MY NURSING LICENSE......I HAVE A TOTAL OF 34 CEU'S TO DO......THE COURSES I HAVE CHOSEN ARE HUMAN SEXUALITY, AND BIO-TERRORISM IN THE WORKPLACE........A FRIEND OF MINE SUGGESTED I START WRITING FOR ONE OF THE NURSING JOURNALS....SOMETHING I WILL LOOK INTO.....

AND SO THAT IS LIFE..........MY LIFE AND JIMMY'S LIFE......I AM HAPPY TO SHARE OUR STORY WITH YOU..........LIFE CONSISTS IN THE ACTUAL PASSING OF TIME.......WE TRY TO MAKE THINGS OK, AND HAPPY UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES......YOU...ME........THAT IS WHAT WE DO HERE, AS HUMAN BEINGS.......IF YOU ARE IN THIS MOMNET HAPPY, BE GRATEFUL FOR THAT...EVEN FOR 1 MOMENT....

                                                           FRAN

SOME THOUGHTS

I GUESS  YOU ARE ALL WONDERING!  YES! I WENT TO SEE JIMMY ON FAMILY NIGHT LAST TUESDAY!.........LARRY DROVE ME, AND ALL WENT WELL......IT WAS WONDERFUL TO BE WITH JIMMY FOR 1 1/2 HOURS.  WE SAT IN A LARGE GYMNESIUM, WITH OVER 50 OTHER PEOPLE...WIVES, CHILDREN, AND MOTHERS AND FATHERS.......WE LISTENED TO A GUEST SPEAKER, AND THEN FOR THE REST OF THE TIME , SAT HAND IN HAND, KISSING AND TALKNG..........

TODAY IS GOOD FRIDAY.  ......

I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE JIMMY, AND WAS GLOWING THE DAY AFTER!...AND YET, FOR SOME REASON, I FEEL SAD TODAY........SAD NOT REALLY FOR MYSELF, BUT FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD, AND MAYBE EVEN THE UNIVERSE.......SADNESS BECAUSE I SEE THE EARTH, AND THAT PEOPLE DON'T KNOW AND UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS WORLD, AND LIFE IS ALL ABOUT...........

SADNESS TO SEE THE SUFFERING AND STRUGGLING AMONGST PEOPLE.........AND IF THEY KNEW WHAT THE CLUE IS,, THEY COULD CHANGE ALL THAT........IN AN INSTANT, THROUGH GOD, THEY COULD CHANGE OUR PLANET...........

AND SO, YESTERDAY, MY FRIEND JOE, IN LAS VEGAS CALLED ME.........AND IT WAS AN INDEPTH DISCUSSION,AS WE ALWAYS HAVE, AND AN UPLIFTING ONE FOR ME.......JOE AND I ALWAYS HAVE SPIRITUAL TALKS....HE TOLD ME ABOUT A BOOK, WHICH I JUST ORDERED, ON BARNES AND NOBLE.COM, THAT HE IS READING..........THE BOOK IS  "THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSE," BY GARY RENARD.  (2004).....  YOU CAN READ AN EXCERPT FROM IT ON-LINE..............ONE  MUST REALIZE THAT "THOUGHTS ARE THINGS."  WE CHOOSE BETWEEN "LOVE," OR "FEAR."  FEAR CAN COME IN MANY FORMS....EVIL, HATRED, NEGATIVITY......JESUS CHOOSE LOVE.  JESUS WA FACED WITH EVIL PEOPLE IN HIS DAY, BUT HE CHOOSE TO SEE THE GOOD IN EACH PERSON, OR THE GOD WITHIN EACH..........EVEN A CRIMINAL, YES, EVEN THE LOWEST OF THE LOWEST CRIMINAL, HAS  "GOD WITHIN HIM,"  IF ONLY HE WOULD SEARCH, AND LET THE LOVE AND LIGHT SHINE THROUGH HIM........."ANY THOUGHT CREATES LOVE."  WE MUST TRY TO CHOOSE LOVE.........TO SEE THE BEST IN ALL THOSE AROUND US....TO LOVE EVERYONE HERE, ON OUR PLANET.........TO LET OUR LIGHT SHINE FORTH........TO HELP GUIDE OTHERS...TO HELP OUR WORLD AND PLANET BE A BETTER PLACE.....TO UPLIFT OUR PLANET TO A HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS......THE PERFECT PLACE, WHICH GOD INTENDED, OF LOVE, PEACE AND HARMONY..........IT ISA BIG ORDER TO FILL......TO CHANGE OUR WORLD, FROM A WORLD OF CRIMES, AND WRONGDOINGS, AND EVIL....BUT IT CAN BE DONE, AND IT STARTS WITH ONE PERSON, AND THEN SPREADS TO OTHERS............OUR HUMAN RACE IS FEARFUL, BECAUSE WE WERE BORN ON THIS EARTH, AND ARE REALLY NOT SURE WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.....SO, SOME GO SEARCHING FOR GOD, IN ALL THE DIFFERENT RELIGIONS AND PHILOSOPHIES....OTHERS GO DOWN THE WRONG PATHS OF CRIMINAL ACTS.......BUT GOD IS CLOSER THAN YOU THINK...HE IS WITHIN EACH ONE OF US.....AND JESUS WAS INCARNATED AS MAN, SO WE, AS HUMANS, COULD UNDERSTAND, IN HUMAN FORM, WHO GOD IS.............AND SO, CHRIST FULFILLED HIS MISSION ON EARTH.............AND HE DID IT WITH PURE LOVE, AS EACH ONE OF US SHOULD LOVE ONE ANOTHER.........AND NOW IT IS OUR DUTY AS HUMAN BEINGS, TO TRY AND SPREAD LOVE AND JOY, AMONGST EACH OTHER.....TO ERRADICATE EVIL...........TO DO WHAT JESUS SET OUT TO DO...........TO LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY .......

GOOD NITE........FRAN

 

LOGAN HALL...ANOTHER DAY

JUST ANOTHER DAY AT LOGAN HALL.....JIMMY SITS AROUND AND READS THE LATIN GRAMMER TEXT I SENT HIM...BRUSHING UP ON HIS LATIN THAT HE LEARNED WHILE IN ST. PETER'S PREP SCHOOL, JERSEY CITY.  HE ALSO CONTINUES TO READ HIS BOOK OF SHAKESPEARE'S PLAYS.

JIMMY ASKED ME TO SEND HIM SOME POETRY, OF FAMOUS POETS....SO LAST NIGHT I FOUND SOME POEMS BY FAMOUS POETS.......SHELLY, BYRON, ELIZABETH BROWNING.....

I WATCHED "THE GOSPEL OF JUDAS," LAST NIGHT ON TV, WHICH WAS ON THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CHANNEL.......AND SO WE DISCUSSED THAT ON THE PHONE........BUT JIMMY KNOWS THIS SUBJECT IS NOT NEW FOR ME, AS I HAVE STUDIED IT SINCE THE 70'S, WHEN THE LOST GOSPELS OF JESUS WAS A SUBJECT OF INTEREST, AND I HAVE READ A LOT ABOUT IT THROUGH THE YEARS, DELVING INTO SOME RARE BOOKS ON THE SUBJECT.....THE DA VINCE CODE IS NOT REALLY NEW AT ALL, BUT MOST OF OUR POPULATION THINKS IT IS...IT HAS BEEN AROUND FOREVER, YOU MAY SAY..........I ALSO ENJOY READING SYLVIA BROWN, WHO IS KNOWN AS A PSYCHIC........I HAVE OVER 10 OF THE BOOKS SHE HAS WRITTEN IN MY LIBRARY,  HERE AT HOME......SHE WRITES A LOT ABOUT THE GNOSTICS, AND THE TENETS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.......LIFE IS SO INTERESTING WHEN YOU READ ABOUT THINGS, AND PIECE IT ALL TOGETHER............THE UNIVERSE....HISTORY...META-PHYSICS....ANCIENT TIMES.....SPIRITUALITY.....MYSTICISM......."TO BE IN THE WORLD, BUT NOT OF IT." ........THAT IS ONE OF THE HIGHEST SPIRITUAL CONCEPTS........AND THAT DEFINES ME.  AND NOT ONLY HAVE I ALWAYS KNOWN IT, BUT PEOPLE HAVE A.LWAYS TOLD ME THIS, INCLUDING MY HUSBAND....HE ALWAYS SAYS. "YOU ARE DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS, FRAN.".....YOU CANNOT MAKE YOURSELF BECOME THIS WAY..YOU JUST ARE THAT WAY...IT IS A GIFT FROM GOD....AN INNER KNOWLEDGE GIVEN TO YOU, AND AN INNER UNDERSTANDING OF THE WORLD AND THE UNIVERSE........MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING ABOUT WHAT THEY WILL COOK FOR DINNER TOMORROW, BUT AS FOR ME, MY THOUGHTS ARE ALWAYS VERY LOFTY........AT ANY GIVEN TIME , I AM THINKING ABOUT GOD, AND THE UNIVERSE...NATURE...THE PURPOSE OF PEOPLE........HOW WE GOT HERE, AND WHY........WHERE ARE WE GOING, AS THE HUMAN RACE, AND WHERE IS OUR PLANET GOING.......MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT OUR PLANET WILL BE DESTROYED WITHIN THE NEXT 100 YEARS....EITHER MAN-MADE OR THROUGH NATURAL DISASTERS......AND IF YOU LOOK INTO IT, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE POLES OF THE EARTH ARE CURRENTLY SHIFTING, CAUSING THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELDS TO SHIFT.......WHICH COULD LEAD TO THE DESTRUCTIONOF THE PLANET EARTH........SEE WHAT I MEAN!  THERE'S SO MANY THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!....IT AMAZES ME THAT WOMEN ARE HAVING BABY AFTER BABY, OUT OF WEDLOCK, ETC.......DON'T THEY EVER STOP AND REALIZE THAT THE PLANET IS OVER-POPULATED AT THIS POINT.  OUR PLANET WAS NEVER MEANT TO HOLD AS MANY PEOPLE AS IT DOES AT THIS TIME......IF IT CONTINUES TO POPULATE AT THE RATE IT IS GOING, THAT ALONE WILL LEAD TO THE DESTRUCTION OF OUR PLANET.....AND I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE WHY SO MANY PRISONER'S WIVES  ARE HAPPY TO SIT HOME PREGNANT, WITH CHILD AFTER CHILD, WITH A HUSBAND OR MAN WHO SITS IN PRISON.....STATISTICALLY, YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE CRIMINALS TOO, HAVING A FATHER WHO SPENDS TIME IN PRISON......IT JUST AMAZES ME.  WOULDN'T IT MAKE MORE SENSE TO WAIT UNTIL YOUR HUSBAND IS OUT OF PRISON, HOPEFULLY REFORMED, TO MAKE A BABY, AND START A FAMILY.......AND THEN ONLY 1 OR 2 CHILDREN...3 THE MOST, DUE TO OUR OVER-POPULATED WORLD..........WITH A HUSBAND IN PRISON, I HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO THINK ABOUT THINGS..........SEE, AS FOR MYSELF, I WAS JUST NEVER THE TYPE TO SIT HOME AND HAVE 2.2 KIDS, AND A HOUSE WITH A WHITE PICKET FENCE AROUND IT.............I STROVE AND STROVE, FOR THE HIGHEST STAR....AND I STILL DO.  AND I ACCOMPLISHED THINGS IN LIFE THAT PEOPLE ONLY DREAM ABOUT......LIVING IN MANHATTAN, SAN DIEGO, PALM SPRINGS, AND LAS VEGAS.........THINGS LIKE TRAVELLING TO 28 COUNTRIES, SOME 2 AND 3 TIMES EACH..........SPENDING 5 WEEKS IN INDIA, AND LOVING IT THERE!.....ATTENDING GRADUATE SCHOOL IN AN IVY LEAGUE UNIVERSTY, AND NOW A DOCTORAL STUDENT THERE...............ACHIEVEMENT, AND COMPETITION...THAT WAS ALWAYS MY MIDDLE NAME!  (and now, with jimmy in prison, and seeing how the other half lives...well, even that is a lesson for me, and i feel blessed for the expeience...)

JIMMY WISHES THERE WERE MORE CLASSES AT LOGAN  HALL....MOST, OR ALL HAVE BEEN CANCELLED WITHIN THE LAST FEW DAYS.........THE GUYS ARE HAPPY TO SIT AROUND ALL DAY WATCHING SPORTS ON TV.........ONE DAY, FROM THE HANDICAP BATHROOM, WHICH IS 1 ROOM, 4 MEN EMERGED AT THE SAME TIME...ONE CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT THEY WERE DOING IN THERE........

LARRY WILL PICK ME UP AT 4PM TOMORROW TO TAKE ME THERE FOR FAMILY NIGHT........SO, I AM EXCITED TO SEE JIMMY.........

I'LL LET YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT IT!

............................FRAN

LOGAN HALL.....SATURDAY THOUGHTS

JIMMY CALLED TWICE TODAY, SO FAR.........HE WAS HAPPY, AND HAD JUST WORKED OUT, BEFORE THE LAST CALL.  HE WAS VERY PLEASED THAT HE WALKED 5 MILES, ON THE TREADMILL, WITH AN UPHILL ANGLE, AND HE DID THAT WITH NO SWEAT!.........HE SAID HE'S GETTING IN SHAPE FOR ME!......LET ME TELL YOU, MY HUSBAND IS A VERY STRONG, AND MUSCULAR MAN......VERY FLEXIBLE, AND A VERY FAST WALKER, AND RUNNER............HE TELLS ME THE GUYS STAND AROUND HIM AND WATCH HIM IN AMAZEMENT.....THEY'VE SEEN HIM RUN, AND ARE AMAZED AT HIS SPEED......

TODAY BREAKFAST AT LOGAN HALL WAS WAFFLES, SATURATED WITH MAPLE SYRUP.  JIMMY ASKED THEM TO PLEASE HOLD THE SYRUP. LUNCH WAS EGG SALAD, WHICH HE DOESN'T LIKE, AND WON'T EAT...ALTHOUGH I HAPPEN TO LOVE IT!

DURING THE WEEK, HE ATTENDED SEVERAL CLASSES.......FOR ONE CLASS, HE HAD TO WRITE AN ESSAY ABOUT "CHANGE."  SO, YOU GOT IT!  HE WROTE AN ESSAY ABOUT MEETING AND MARRYING ME, AND HOW HIS LIFE CHANGED........HOW HE NO LONGER WANTS TO DO CRIMINALISTIC ACTIVITIES, SINCE MARRIED TO ME...........JIMMY TELLS ME , THE OTHER GUYS WROTE ONE OR TWO SENTENCES FOR THEIR ESSAY.

JIMMY IS OPTIMISTIC THAT HE WILL BE TRANSFERRED SOON, MAYBE IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS, TO THE HALF-WAY HOUSE CLOSER TO HIS JOB.  HE IS ANXIOUS TO RETURN TO HIS MANAGERIAL  JOB IN ATLANTIC CITY.  LOGAN HALL TELLS HIM THEY ARE CURRENTLY WORKING ON HIS TRANSFER.

I SPOKE TO LARRY A LITTLE WHILE AGO.  HE IS TAKING HIS DAY OFF FROM WORK ON TUESDAY, AND WILL TAKE ME TO SEE JIMMY ON "FAMILY NIGHT."  HE WILL PICK ME UP AT 4:30 PM.........JIMMY AND I ARE VERY EXCITED TO SEE EACH OTHER, AND WE JUST CAN'T WAIT.  IT IS 4 MONTHS SINCE WE SAW EACH OTHER LAST, ON HIS FURLOUGH HOME, AFTER WHICH KINTOCK SENT HIM BACK TO PRISON, JUST BEFORE THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS......AND CREATED THIS MESS  :)

I'LL TAKE PRINCE OUT FOR A WALK , NOW, IN THE RAIN!..........FRAN

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP, ONCE AGAIN...

WELL, THINGS SEEM A LITTLE BETTER, ONCE AGAIN!......SORRY FOR MY UP AND DOWN MOODS...BUT, HEY...WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?...I'M A WOMAN, WITH ALL THOSE HORMONAL CHANGES!

JIMMY CALLED ME TWICE TODAY, AND HE WAS ALSO, ONCE AGAIN, HIS USUAL HAPPY, OPTIMISTIC SELF!........

HE SAW HIS PAROLE OFFICER AGAIN, AND JIMMY WAS HAPPY THAT THINGS ARE MOVING ALONG VERY WELL. HIS PAROLE OFFICER WAS EVER SO NICE, AND ALSO CALLED ME TODAY, ON THE PHONE,  TO EXPLAIN THINGS.

JIMMY HAS BEEN GOING TO A FEW CLASSES AT LOGAN HALL............ONE CLASS WAS ABOUT TEACHING THE RESIDENTS TO RETURN TO LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE.......TEACHING THEM TO WRITE CHECKS, HOW TO GET AN APARTMENT, ETC.........CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT THESE POOR MEN DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE, THAT WE ALL TAKE FOR GRANTED.......SO I AM HAPPY THAT LOGAN HALL IS EDUCATIONAL FOR THE MEN WHO ARE THERE.........JIMMY SAID TO ME, "FRAN, CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW BLESSED WE ARE TO HAVE EACH OTHER, TO BE MARRIED, AND TO HAVE A HOME TOGETHER?".......HE SAID HOW HE FEELS BLESSED TO HAVE ME HERE, KEEPING OUR HOME AND MARRIAGE, AND LIFE TOGETHER FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS..........IT APPEARS THAT MOST WOMEN JUST DON'T WAIT FOR SUCH A LONG PERIOD OF TIME, WHEN THEIR HUSBAND IS INCARCERATED.

JIMMY WROTE A LETTER TO THE PRIEST AT BAYSIDE PRISON, WHO WOULD COME EVERY WEEK AND SAY MASS THERE.....HE HAS BEEN ASKING FATHER TO HAVE OUR MARRIAGE VOWS RE-NEWED, ONCE HE IS HOME ON PAROLE.......WE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO DO MARRIAGE COUNSELING TO THOSE IN PRISON, THROUGH A PROGRAM WITHIN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. .............FOR JIMMY AND I, IT WAS NEVER HARD TO STAY CONNECTED............WE WERE IN LOVE FROM THE START, AND STILL AM...YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE THAT FEELING AWAY..........IT WAS ONLY SAD THAT WE HAD TO BE PARTED AFTER ONLY 2 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, IN THE CRUX OF OUR LOVE....WE WERE 2 PEOPLE WHO SPENT 24/7 TOGETHER..........JIMMY TAUGHT ME A LOT ABOUT LIFE.........LOVE, LAUGHTER....EVERYTHING!.............AND WHEN HE LEFT OUR HOME FOR JAIL, TO TURN HIMSELF IN.....WELL, IT WAS JUST SURREAL..........

...BUT TIME GOES ON, AND HAS A WAY OF HEALING ITSELF.....EVEN SEPERATION CAN BECOME BEARABLE.......AND, IF YOU LOVE EACH OTHER, YOU CAN BOTH MAKE THAT SEPERATION INTO SOMEWHAT OF A GAME....A CHALLENGE..........AND YOU CAN FIND PLEASURE IN CONQUERING ALL THE OBSTACLES ALONG THE WAY.........SO, HERE WE ARE.........INTO YEAR NUMBER 4.........A LITTLE MIND-BOGGLING, I MUST SAY..........BUT, IT IS POSSIBLE TO ACCOMPLISH...HOWEVER LIKE I SAY, IT IS MUCH EASIER WHEN THE 2 OF YOU ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, LIKE WE ARE..........."2 HEARTS THAT BEAT AS ONE."

THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT GO THROUGH A WHOLE LIFETIME, AND NEVER FIND LOVE..........AND SO, DESPITE PRISON, WE ARE 2 FORTUNATE PEOPLE, WHO WERE BROUGHT TOGETHER UNDER UNUSUAL CIRCUMSTANCES.......BROUGHT TOGETHER BY GOD...THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO EXPLAIN IT.

JIMMY IS ALSO BUSY READING BOOKS FROM THE LIBRARY AT LOGAN HALL.  HE IS NOW RE-READING SHAKESPEARE'S PLAYS.....CAN YOU IMAGINE MY HUSBAND!  Lol!    "JIMMY," I LAUGHED, " I HAD A HARD ENOUGH TIME READING THOSE IN HIGH SCHOOL, 35 YEARS AGO...AND I MOSTLY READ MONARCH'S NOTES, ANYWAY!".........WELL, THAT'S WHAT IT IS WHEN YOU HAVE A BRAINY HUSBAND!.........MAYBE I'D BETTER STOP AT THE LIBRARY TOMORROW, AND GET A BOOK ON SHAKESPEARE, SO I CAN KEEP UP WITH HIM!......

JIMMY IS ALSO HAPPY THAT THE WALL STREET JOURNAL FINALLY STARTED GETTING DELIVERED TO HIM.......HE JUST CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THAT PAPER!...........MY HUSBAND KNOWS MORE ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD THAN I DO, AND HE'S THE ONE LOCKED UP!.....JIMMY JUST LOVES TO KEEP ABREAST OF EVERYTHING........HE ALWAYS TELLS ME ABOUT NEW TECHNOLOGY, AND THE LATEST THINGS HE WANTS TO BUY ME!

WELL, HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT DAY!............FRAN

SOME THOUGHTS

I HAVE GOTTEN SEVERAL E-MAILS ASKING WHO TO CALL FOR THE PRE-PAY ACCOUNT, AT LOGAN HALL, IN NEWARK, NEW JERSEY.......SO, I WILL POST IT HERE....IT IS "PCS," AND THE PHONE NUMBER TO CALL IS, 1-888-288-9879.

IT IS VERY EXPENSIVE, LET ME WARN YOU.  $50.00 BARELY LASTS 2 DAYS. AS WE LIKE TO TALK A LOT ALL DAY.  SO, EVEN THAT...WELL, WE HAD TO CUT OUR CALLS DOWN A LITTLE....EVEN THAT'S A LITTLE TO MUCH FOR ME TO PAY...THAT WOULD BE SOMETHING LIKE $1400.00 PER MONTH.......WELL, I DID IT FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS, BUT THIS IS NOW A LITTLE TOO HIGH........ALTHOUGH I HAVE PAID $1200, AND $1300 /MONTH..........AND THAT'S ONLY THE HOUSE PHONE.......NOT MY CELL PHONE!.......WELL, I GUESS WE LIVE TO SUPPORT THE PHONE COMPANY......

JIMMY CALLED ME AT 1PM TODAY.  HE SAW HIS PAROLE OFFICER LAST NIGHT.  THE PAROLE OFFICER IS EXTREMELY NICE AND WAS VERY, VERY APOLOGETIC TO MY HUSBAND, FOR NOT GETTING BACK TO HIM SOONER.....ALSO, FOR NOT ANSWERING MY PHONE CALLS......WELL, HE SOUNDS LIKE A VERY, VERY NICE PERSON, AND I TAKE BACK ANY NEGATIVE FEELINGS I MIGHT HAVE PORTRAYED.....I APOLOGIZE IF I SAID ANYTHING NEGATIVE........HE IS VERY CONCERNED ABOUT JIMMY, AND IS WORKING ON IT AT THE PRESENT TIME, TO GET JIMMY TO THE HALF-WAY HOUSE IN CAMDEN, SO HE CAN GO BACK TO WORK.  HE RECEIVED ALL THE LETTERS WE SENT HIM......MINE AND THE OWNER OF THE STORE, ASKING FOR JIMMY'S RETURN TO IGA......AND THE MANAGER'S LETTER.

..... JIMMY SHOULD REALLY HAVE NEVER BEEN BROUGHT TO LOGAN HALL, AND THERE SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN A BIG MIX-UP.......THAT IS WHAT WE HAVE TRIED TO STRAIGHTEN OUT...........(also, jimmy should never have been sent all the way back to prison, and started the process all over again, for a simple cell phone...that he used for work, anyhow......Kintock was wrong).

JIMMY'S PAROLE OFFICER IS REALLY AN ASSET TO "LOGAN HALL," AND SEEMS TO BE A VERY HARD-WORKING INDIVIDUAL...........

WELL, LIFE GOES ON.......

ANOTHER SPRING...ANOTHER APRIL...ANOTHER EASTER........AND, STILL NOT PART OF IT.......I GUESS THAT IS JUST HOW GOD PLANNED IT FOR ME.......

JIMMY SEEMED A TAD BIT "DOWN" THIS MORNING.......AS HIS WIFE, I PICK UP ON IT.........JUST AS JIMMY PICKS UP ON ME...THAT I'M ONCE AGAIN IN A SLUMP......SLEEPING TOO MUCH...CRYING TOO MUCH.....

BUT I'M GOING TO CHANGE IT WITHIN MYSELF.....I'M GOING TO LIFT MYSELF OUT OF THIS SLUMP.......AND I STARTED TODAY........I'M GOING TO ONCE AGAIN PUT PEACE, HARMONY AND BALANCE IN MY LIFE.....IN OUR LIFE........WHEN JIMMY AND I WORK ON IT TOGETHER, THINGS GO SMOOTHLY......

I'M GOING TO STOP THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.....GIVE IT OVER TO GOD, WHO CAN HANDLE IT MUCH BETTER THAN I CAN...........

I EVEN STARTED A LITTLE SPRING CLEANING TODAY........THE WINDOWS ARE OPEN, THE SUN SHINES IN.........I MOPPED ALL THE FLOORS, SO THERE IS THE SMELL OF DISINFECTANT IN THE AIR..........THE SHEETS AND TOWELS ARE IN THE WASH......THIS MORNING I DID ALL THE MONTHLY BILLS..........SO, EVERYTHING IS ORGANIZED, AND IN BALANCE........THAT IS HOW I LIKE LIFE........

NOW, I WILL TAKE PRINCE OUTSIDE FOR A LITTLE WALK......I FORCE MYSELF TO SMILE, AND THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS........I STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PAST, AND HOW THINGS SHOULD BE TODAY, BUT AREN'T........

AND WITH MY STRENGTH, AND JIMMY'S STRENGTH, WE PULL EACH OTHER ALONG...AND BEING ONE, AS WE ARE, TRY TO BRIGHTEN THE PATH OF OTHERS ALONG THE WAY...............FRAN

life goes on...slowly

I JUST WROTE A LONG ENTRY, ONLY TO HAVE IT DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR...SO, I'LL TRY AGAIN, AND ONLY WRITE A FEW LINES, THIS TIME....

LARRY CAN'T BRING ME TO FAMILY NITE, TUESDAY NITE...HE FORGOT, AND HAS TOO MANY THINGS TO DO TODAY...HE DELIVERS FURNITURE ALL OVER NEW JERSEY, AND OUT OF STATE, SO HE IS FORGIVEN!

A TAXI, AS WAS SUGGESTED WOULD COST 400 DOLLARS, THE MINIMUM.

LIGAN HALL CALLED ME TODAY.  THEY WILL ACCEPT A DOCTOR'S NOTE...CAN'T DO IT, AT THIS PARTICULAR TIME...IN THE MIDDLE OF CHANGING COVERAGE...NO MD UNTIL JUNE.

JUST AS WE WERE HANGING UP THE PHONE, JMMY TOLD ME HIS PAROLE OFFICER WAS RIGHT THAT MINUTE CALLING HIM TO HIS OFFICE...SO I HOPE BY TOMORROW, JIMMY WILL CALL ME WITH SOME GOOD NEWS....

THE OTHER GUYS ARE HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING THEIR WIVES THERE FOR FAMILY NITE, TOO...SOME WIVES ARE WORKING AT NITE.  ONE MAN HAS A WIFE WHO LIVES IN VIRGINIA.....IT SEEMS UNREASONABLE.

I WILL SAY GOODNITE......I'M A LITTLE TIRED.........FRAN

 

LOGAN HALL...COUNTRY CLUB SETTING, IN THE HOOD

LOGAN HALL, HALF-WAY  BACK HOUSE, IN NEWARK , NJ, HOUSES 400 MEN WHO ARE ON PAROLE.  IT COSTS THE TAX-PAYER $40,000/YEAR TO HOUSE ONE MAN....THAT IS $16 MILLION PER YEAR.............I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY WHERE YOUR TAX DOLLARS ARE GOING.

IT IS CALLED AN EDUCATIONAL CENTER.  HOWEVER, MEN ARE WALKING AROUND THERE WITH T-SHIRTS WITH PICTURES OF GUNS ON THEM.

EDUCATIONAL PROGRAMS ARE FAR AND FEW BETWEEN...WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE GIVING A CLASS, THEY GIVE IT............OTHERWISE, THE MEN ARE LEFT ON THEIR OWN.......SITTING AROUND, GETTING BORED.

THERE ARE 6 OR 7 HDT TV'S, WITH 50 INCH SCREENS , AND 6 REGULAR TV'S, WITH 36 INCH SCREENS, THAT ARE ONLY SPANISH SPEAKING.......

THERE IS WORK-OUT EQUIPMENT THROUGHOUT THE PLACE.........

SO THE GUYS ARE WORKING OUT, WATCHING TV, OR GOING OUTSIDE TO SMOKE.........NOT VERY EDUCATIONAL, IT SEEMS TO ME.

ALL MY HUSBAND WANTS IS, TO GET BACK TO HIS MANAGERIAL JOB IN IGA FOODSTORE, IN ATLANTIC CITY, WHICH HAS BEEN HELD FOR HIM SINCE DEC. 2005....HE IS TOLD, "WE ARE WORKING ON IT," BY THOSE AT LOGAN HALL.

VISITING HOURS ARE ON SAT. AND SUNDAY.  NOW, WE ARE SHOCKED, BECAUSE THE VISITING LIST WILL ONLY ALLOW 1 WOMAN ON THE LIST.  THE OWNER OF IGA, WHO IS A WOMAN, WOULD LIKE TO PICK ME UP, AND VISIT WITH JIMMY TOGETHER.........BUT ODDLY ENOUGH, SUCH A THING IS NOT ALLOWED......THE OWNER IS WILLING TO BRING HER PRIVATE NANNY ALONG, TO HELP ME OUT, AS I AM DISABLED, AND NEED HELP IN WALKING, AND USING MY WHEELCAHIR.

FAMILY NIGHT IS ON TUESDAYS.  IT IS THE RULE THAT THE WIFE MUST VISIT HER HUSBAND TWICE, NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE, ON FAMILY NIGHT BEFORE HE CAN COME HOME ON FURLOUGHS.........

LET ME PRESENT MY CASE......WE LIVE 1 HOUR AND 15 MINUTES AWAY FROM NEWARK.  I AM LEGALLY BLIND, AND NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE, AS PER MY EYE DOCTOR.  I HAVE VARIOUS DISABILITIES, WHICH DOES NOT ALLOW ME TO SIT IN A CAR FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME...I ALSO HAVE DIFFICULTY WALKING, SITTING, AND AM OFF BALANCE.......I AM IN PAIN 24 HOURS/DAY, WITH NO RELIEF.....I HAVE ALMOST TOTAL NUMBNESS IN MY FEET, LEGS, AND HANDS.....I HAD A TOE AND PART OF MY FOOT AMPUTATED 1 1/2 YEARS AGO, AND STILL CANNOT PUT SHOES ON MY FEET, DUE TO THE NUMBNESS.........I WAS PROCLAIMED DISABLED IN A COURT OF LAW, UNDER OATH, BY A JUDGE, IN A HEARING, AND........I'M STILL EXPECTED TO GO VISIT MY HUSBAND ON TUESDAY NIGHTS..........I DON'T GET IT....I REALLY DON'T.........ALSO, IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME TO BE OUTSIDE AT NIGHT, BECAUSE DUE TO MY VISION, I'M TOTALLY OFF-BALANCE, AND TEND TO FALL DOWN.

WHEN I'M IN MY OWN HOUSE, I'M OK........I DON'T ASK HELP FROM ANYONE....I MANAGE BY MYSELF..........MY HUSBAND HAS SET UP OUR HOUSE SO THAT I CAN GET AROUND, BY MYSELF.  WE EVEN LIVE IN A HOME THAT IS SPECIALLY CONSTRUCTED, WITH WIDE DOORS, WIDE BATHROOM SHOWER, ETC.......AND, WE LIVE IN A GATED COMMUNITY, WITH A GUARDS THAT CARS MUST PASS THROUGH........

SO , I'M JUST WONDERING IF I CAN GO THIS TUSDAY NIGHT, WITH LARRY............I KNOW HOW THOSE FAMILY VISITS ARE, BECAUSE I DID THEM IN TALBOT HALL.........LOTS OF PEOPLE, MAYBE 100 OR SO...CHILDREN RUNNING ALL OVER THE PLACE.......MASS CHAOS, AND NOISE......AND ME, DISABLED AND BLIND, BEING PUSHED AROUND, SEEING ONLY SHADOWS.......FRIGHTENED, AS I FEEL OUT IN PUBLIC........PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES........SEE IF YOU WOULD LIKE IT..........TAKE YOUR EYEGLASSES OFF FOR A FEW MINUTES, AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL.........VULNERABLE AND CONFUSED WITHOUT EYESIGHT.........JIMMY DID THAT ONE NIGHT , WHILE WALKING THE DOG...HE TOOK HIS EYEGLASSES OFF, AND WALKED HOME....."NOW I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,  FRAN," HE SAID.  IT IS SCARY AND CONFUSING TO WALK OUTSIDE WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO SEE."

.....SO, THAT'S THE STORY..................FRAN

I WILL NOT KNOW, IF I CAN GO UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE....DEPENDING ON HOW I PHYSICALLY FEEL........I WILL NOT KNOW TILL THE LAST MOMENT......

AND LARRY, WHO CAN TAKE ME, WILL CLOSE THE FURNITURE STORE HE OWNS EARLY, DRIVE 1 HOUR TO MY HOUSE , FROM PA., AND THEN DRIVE 1 HR., 15 MINUTES TO LOGAN HALL, AND THEN WAIT OUTSIDE FOR ME, AND THEN DRIVE ME BACK, AND THEN DRIVE ANOTHER HOUR TO GO BACK HOME.......