Tuesday, January 25, 2005

"SNOWDRIFTS"

SNOWFALLS AND SNOWDRIFTS...LAZY DAYS AND LAZY NIGHTS....STAYING "TUCKED INTO" MY WARM HOUSE....THAT IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT FOR ME!....CUPS OF TEA AND COCOA....POPCORN........MOVIES ON TV.........AND OF COURSE, WRITING STORIES ON MY COMPUTER............THE ANIMALS SURROUND ME, AND WALK FROM ROOM TO ROOM, ACCORDING TO WHERE I MAY BE................PHONE CALLS FROM JIMMY....AND OF COURSE SOME FRUSTRAYTION ALONG THE WAY......WAITING FOR THE SPRING, AND THEN THE SUMMER...WHEN HE WILL RECEIVE PAROLE.........ENDLESS DAYS AND ENDLESS NIGHTS , FOR ME AT LEAST!..........WAITING FOR THE  "NIGHTMARE " TO FINALLY END..........OH, WILL IT END, LORD?...PLEASE COMFORT ME, AND GIVE ME THE STRENGTH AND ENNDURANCE TO CARRY ON.........SOMETIMES THE "DRAGGING ON" OF THIS PRISON SITUATION, JUST MAKES ME WANT TO "SCREAM".......THAT I JUST CAN'T BEAR THE PAIN ANYMORE............................I CAN'T TAKE IT...................AND I TELL MYSELF, ONCE AGAIN, "JUST ONE MORE DAY...TAKE IT MOMENT BY MOMENT...I KNOW YOU CAN MAKE IT , FRAN."...........................AND SO, I GLARE OUT THE WINDOWS, AND LOOK AT THE SNOW...SO PRETTY, AND TOO ICY AND COLD FOR ME TO HANDLE, WITH VERY BAD NEUROPATHY IN MY HANDS AND LEGS AND FEET.........WITH STILL A DEEP WOUND IN MY FOOT THAT IS HEALING, UNABLE TO WEAR SHOES, AS MY FOOT SPREAD SO FAR OUT WITH THE SURGERY AND AMPUTATION, THAT NO SHOE OR BOOT FITS..........AND SO, I STAY AT HOME, AND WATCH THE HOURS GO BY...WATCHING THE SNOW SLOWLY MELT...REMEMBERING DAYS GONE BY WHEN I WAS ABLE TO GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY IN THE SNOW...BUILD A SNOWMAN...SHOVEL THE DRIVEWAY...THROW A SNOWBALL....................................THE FOOD DWINDLES DOWN...I STARTED RATIONING THINGS....I WONDER IF SOME KIND SOUL WILL COME AND HELP THIS POOR WOMAN WHEN ALL THE FOOD IS GONE....WHEN I'VE EATEN THE LAST CRUMB..........WILL SOMEONE HELP THIS POOR WOMAN, WHOSE HUSBAND IS AWAY AND IN PRISON?....lOL!  I'M JUST NOT SURE!...AND I HATE TO BEG, AND I HATE TO BE A BURDEN.............AND SO, I'LL JUST WAIT FOR THE SPRING!.............

  AND ON A LITTLE HAPPIER NOTE, SINCE I MISS JIMMY SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, IT PHYSICALLY  HURTS ME, AND ALL I REALLY WANT TO DO IS CRY................WELL. I DID START WRITING ARTICLES FOR THE ON-LINE MAGAZINE  "E-ZINE.".........I WROTE ONE LAST NIGHT AND ANOTHER TONIGHT........IT'S KIND OF FUN.......ONE IS LISTED UNDER 'WOMEN'S ISSUES, ' ANOTHER UNDER 'RELATIONSHIPS", AND THE STORIES ARE ABOUT....YOU GUESSED IT!....BEING A PRISON WIFE!

  HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GOOD NIGHT , AND THANKS FOR READING MY JOURNAL.. I THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENTS, AND ESPEIALLY THAT YOU SHARE A PART OF YOUR INNER SELF WITH ME......IT MAKES LIFE LESS LONELY............THANKS AGAIN!

  AND NOW, I'LL SNUGGLE INTO BED WITH MISTY AND JIMBO, MY 2 CATS, AND PRINCE , MY DOG.........

..........................................LOVE,

             .......................................FRAN

6 comments:

p00kie2323 said...

i know how lonely u must get but do not get down be greatful of what you do have love you and you are always in my prayers----p00kie

terra19728 said...

My heart goes out to u.  I really do hope u have a happy ending.  I did.  I didn't end up with the convict (sorry that is what i call him), but i did end up with my soul mate.  He drives me crazy and he is a pain in my butt, i love him so much, and he is really good to me and our 8 kids.  Not all 8 r his either, but he loves them like they were.  So best wishes to u and hang in there, u will make it.  We r women we r strong.

barbpinion said...

Just discovered your journal. Will keep you in prayer.
http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/THERESTOFTHESTORY
http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

crystalmoon222 said...

DEAR BARB....YOU ARE ONE FANTASTIC WOMAN!...I JUST FINISHED READING YOUR JOURNALS, AND YOU ARE A FANTASTUIC PERSON, AND WRITER!  (actually, you put me to shame!).......I FELT VERY TOUCHED READING A LOT OF YOUR ENTRIES, AND YOUR WORDS SIMPLY STRUCK MY HEART AND SOUL...I HIGHLY RECOMMENCD YOUR JOURNAL TO OTHERS.......THANK YOU FOR READING MY JOURNAL, AND I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS, AS YOU HAVE KEPT ME IN YOURS.............LOVE, FRAN

maf74dance said...

Hi there!

I saw your journal newly listed on the AOL Directory and was instantly drawn to it.  I've spent the last hour reading, unable to pull myself away.  What an amazing journal.  You're a wonderful writer and seemingly an equally wonderful woman.  You're entries have touched my heart.  My journals seem like a silly little joke compared to what you have here!  I've saved your journal and added it to my list of favorite sites (hope you don't mind) so I can visit again and again.  I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Take care and be strong!

~Mary Ann
http://journals.aol.com/maf74dance/MyLife

elgeiselman said...

You should write a book!  Your words are so genuine and eloquent.  
~Erin