"I Love You, Jimmy'

Dear Jimmy,  "Did I tell you I love you?"  Yes, over and over we say those words on the phone to each other. We are so blessed to have each other.  There is no better man in this world, than my husband.  It is not easy for a very active man to be locked up in a place for so many months...and now we are into our second year.  Jimmy helps teach the inmates for the GED (high school equivalency exam).  Next Tuesday , the inmates will be taking the exam.  I asked Jimmy, "How do you remember all those Algebra and Geometry Formulas?"  After all, we have been out of high school for more than 30 years.  "I just do, Fran, " he replied.  The truth is, Jimmy is a math wiz.  He can calculate large numbers in his head, without a paper and pencil.  As for me, I get by on the basics.  I noticed it as soon as we got married.  At that point, I knew I had married a genius.  I asked him, "Are you at a genius level, Jimmy?"  He would not admit it, but I already knew it....Math, electronics, business, computers, books, music, classic novels...everything and anything...Jimmy just "knows " it.  I am always amazed at the knowledge my husband has. And the best part about him, is that he talks to everyone on "their level."  He never shows off. And he just loves people.  My husband is a very unique man. And I am blessed to be his wife.  Tonight I told him, "don't worry, I am keeping our household together while you are gone. " He was so happy for me to say those words.  When Jimmy was home, he did not let me lift a finger.  He handled everything. Everyday he tells me he is proud of me that I am handling everything, now......."And Jimmy," I said tonight, "Remember that you have a "home" to come back to...a wife, pets.  So many, maybe most of those inmates have nowhere and nobody to go to."

And now, I'd like to say good-nite to everyone!  I will go now and think of my husband.  And I hope everyone in the world has found love, the way I have....it is the most important thing....and that is to love.  That is our wish for everyone.  That you have found the man or woman that God wishes you to be with in marriage..........and that you feel loved, and give love.

CARTRIP TO NEW JERSEY

AND SO, AFTER THE 2 TRIPS BACK TO NJ, THE DAY FINALLY CAME WE HAD TO RETURN FOR JIMMY TO TURN HIMSELF IN TO THE COURT AND GO TO JAIL.  THROUGH FRIENDS AND FAMILY, THEY TOLD HIM, IT WAS IN THE NEWSPAPER, THERE WAS A WARRENT OUT FOR HIS ARREST.  NOW, IF YOU HAD TOLD ME I WOULD BE GOING THROUGH THIS, LET'S SAY IN 2000, I WOULD HAVE SAID YOU ARE ABSOLUTLY CRAZY!  I WOULD NEVER MARRY A CRIMINAL.......NO, NO, NO....THAT JUST WASN'T ME....AND I DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!  BUT, MY READERS, NEVER SAY "NEVER!"  GOD MAKES A LOT OF THINGS POSSIBLE IN LIFE.  AND I KNOW HE DID THIS TO ME, AS A GIFT, FROM GOD. "HE" MADE ME MYSTERIOUSLY MEET A MAN, FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM.........AND THEN LEARN ABOUT THE PRISON SYSTEM.  I AM THANKFUL FOR THAT, AND FEEL SORRY FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, AND HAVE NO COMPASSION.  THAT IS WHY I WRITE THIS JOURNAL...I AM NOT AFRAIDM LIKE MOST PRISON WIVES...THEY LIVE IN FEAR....I WANT TO TEACH THOSE, IN OUR COUNTRY, WHO ARE UNAWARE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING BEHIND CLOSED WALLS....AND HOW HUMAN BEINGS CAN LOVE AND BE LOVED, EVEN UNDER THE MOST UNUSUAL CIRCUMSTANCES.  I HAVE A JOB TO DO, AND THROUGH CHRIST, I WILL DO IT!.............AND SO, JIMMY AND I WALKED OUT OF OUR HOUSE IN LAS VEGAS, ONE DAY,IN JULY, 2002...I THINK IT WAS THE SECOND WEEK...........WE CLOSED THE DOOR, AND I NEVER LOOKED OVER MY SHOULDER.....MOST OF MY BELONGINGS WERE STILL THERE...A HOUSE NEWLY RE-DECORATED, WITH ALL BRAND NEW FURNITURE...OUR LITTLE 'LOVE NEST."  WE HAD A FRIEND WATCH OUR HOME, AND SHIP THINGS TO US IN NJ.  JIMMY HAD ANOTHER FRIEND COME TO VEGAS, AND HE DROVE OUR WHITE SATURN BACK TO JERSY WITH OUR 2 CATS IN A BIG CARRYING CASE.  WE DROVE THE JAGUAR, WITH PRINCE IN THE BACK SEAT.  I DROVE A GOOD PART OF THE WAY, WITH PRINCE SITTING IN THE BACK, WITH HIS HEAD OVER MY RIGHT SHOULDER....ALL HE NEEDS IS A LITTLE STEEREING WHEEL, AND HE KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE!...we did buy him a little HARLEY DAVIDSON CAP, AS PRINCE JUST LOVES MOTORCYCLES....and loves to bark at them!  AS MUCH AS WE TRIED, I CANNOT SAY THAT OUR TRIP ACROSS COUNTRY WAS WONDERFUL.  WITH 3 PETS, 2 CARS, IT JUST WASN'T.  I HAD DRIVEN CROSS COUNTRY ONCE BEFORE, AND I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT....IT WAS WORK EVERYDAY, STOPPING...CARRING THE CATS, REFILLING THE LITTER BOX...PRINCE GOT VERY CRAZY, AND EVEN ATTACKED ME, BECAUSE WE WERE IN A DIFFERENT MOTEL ROOM EVERYDAY...THE TRIP WAS EXHAUSTING AND TOOK 14 DAYS.  I'LL CONTINUE LATER AND TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.  JUMMY IS GOING TO CALL ME ANY SECOND NOW!

OUR TRIP ACROSS THE COUNTRY

FINALLY THE DAY CAME WHEN WE HAD TO LEAVE LAS VEGAS, AND COME TO NEW JERSEY, WHERE THERE WAS A WARRENT OUT FOR HIS ARREST.  WE DREADED THAT DAY AND JIMMY KEPT PROLONGING IT.  WE LIVED A WONDERFUL FAIRYTALE EXISTENCE IN LAS VEGAS!  BETWEEN THE DAY WE GOT MARRIED 4/29 AND AUGUST, WE FLEW BACK TO NEW JERSEY TWICE, ONCE IN MAY, FOR JIMMY'S BIRTHDAY, AND THEN AGAIN IN AUGUST, FOR HIS FATHER'S BIRTHDAY.  AND SO I MET HIS FATHER, AND FRIENDS, AND JIMMY MET MY SISTER AND NIECE AND AUNT.  IT WAS COINCIDENCE THAT I MARRIED A MAN WHO LIVED 15 MINUTES FROM MY AUNT AND SISTER.  IRONICALLY, I HAD LITTLE TO DO WITH THOSE FAMILY MEMBERS FOR THE PAST 30 YEARS. I HAD RARELY SEEN THEM, AND HAD MINIMAL COMMUNICATION WITH THEM SINCE MY PARENTS DIED WHEN I WAS 30 YEARS OLD.  I'VE LIVED ON MY OWN, COMPLETY SINCE I WAS 20 YEARS OLD, MAINTAINING MY OWN APT./HOME , CAREER, ETC.....AND SO WHEN I MET JIMMY, I WAS SURPRISED , BECAUSE NOW HE TRIED TO BRING ME CLOSE TO MY FAMILY.  BUT HE SOON REALIZED, THIS WAS A DIFFICULT, IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE THING TO DO...FROM THEIR SIDE.  IT IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO 'INFILTRATE" THEIR LITTLE CIRCLE OF PEOPLE.  TO THEM I AM AND ALWAYS WAS, A "NON-ENTITY."  BUT I ALWAYS ACHIEVED THE HIGHEST "STAR" IN LIFE, AND I ALWAYS WILL.  ..........AND SO WE FLEW BACK TO JERSEY , EACH TIME FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS.  AND OUR RELATIONSHIP CEMENTED, MORE AND MORE.  AND OF COURSE "MY JIMMY" FLEW ME "FIRST CLASS."......LOL!...AND I WAS SO PAMPERED FLYING FIRST CLASS, NOW I CAN'T GO ANY OTHER WAY!......I HAVE FLOWN AT LEAST 50 TIMES OR MORE IN MY LIFE, BUT NEVER FIRST CLASS...........AND LET ME TELL YOU, THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO!........BIG COMFORTABLE SEATS......YOU CAN STRETCH OUT!....WARM FACE CLOTHS TO WASH YOUR HANDS AND FACE........DRINKS BEFORE YOU EVEN GET IN THE AIR,,,,,,,,,EVERYONE CATERING TO YOU!........WHAT A GREAT TIME WE HAD!.....YES, MY "CRIMINAL" HUSBAND,,,,MY INMATE...HE IS WONDERFUL,,,AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS!.............please read my next entry for the car trip back!

LIFE IN LAS VEGAS

WHAT WAS LIFE IN LAS VEGAS LIKE ONCE WE GOT MARRIED?......LET ME TELL YOU, IT WAS ONE WHIRLWIND OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS.  EVERYDAY WAS EXCITING!.......GOING OUT TO EVERY SHOW!!!!......RIGHTOUS BROTHERS, PAUL ANKA, DANNY GANNS, CRYSTAL GAYLE, CHEVAL HORSE SHOW, KENNY ROGERS........AND THE LIST GOES ON AND ON!....WE WENT TO EVERY CASINO, SMALL AND LARGE.  WE FOUND OUR FAVORITE CASINO , NEAR SUNSET STATION.....IT WAS SMALL, WE MAINLY WENT THERE FOR DINNER, OR IF WE GOT HUNGRY AT 2 OR 3 IN THE MORNING, WE'D GO THERE FOR A PRIME RIB FOR JIMMY, AND RIBS FOR ME.  I LOVE CHINESE FOOD, AND SO WE FOUND OUR "SPECIAL" CHINESE RESTAURANT TO GO TO VERY OFTEN ON TROPICANA....THE OWNER KNEW US SO WELL, SHE WELCOMED US AS WE WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR!........AND SO, OUR LIFE WAS FILLED WITH LOVE AND GOOD TIMES........AND THEN THERE WERE THE "OTHER" RESTAURANTS..........DINNER AT THE "PARIS," OVERLOOKING THE BELLAGIO AND WATER FOUNTAIN SHOW.  "NO RESERVATIONS, NO TABLE," THEY TOLD JIMMY.  BUT JIMMY HAS A QUICK HAND AND SLIPPED THEM A LARGE BILL, AND SUDDENLY A TABLE APPEARED, AND THE BEST IN THE PLACE!...HIGH ABOVE THE CITY, OVERLOOKING THE DANCING FOUNTAINS, I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT AN EXPERIENCE THAT WAS!.....IT WAS A 9- COURSE FRENCH MEAL........ALL DELICACIES...MOSTLY FISH......WITH EACH COURSE, THE TABLE WAS CLEANED.  I WAS PAMPERED AND CATERED TO LIKE A QUEEN!..........THE DINNER ONLY COST $200!..........HE LOVINGLY GAZED INTO MY EYES ACROSS THE TABLE, AND HELD MY HAND ALMOST THE ENTIRE TIME.  HE WATCHED ME, AND WATCHED ME, AS WE SAT IN THE ROMANTIC DARK, RESTAURANT....HIS EYES BORE INTO ME, I REMEMBER.............YES , THEY WENT RIGHT THROUGH ME!.......THAT IS WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIM....HE ALWAYS WATCHES ME. HE ACTUALLY STARES AT ME.  AND I CAN FEEL HIS EYES PIERCING ME ALL THE TIME.  HE SAYS HE IS INFATUATED BY ME, AND JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF ME...HE ALWAYS HOLDS MY HANDS...HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERY PART OF MY BODY. IT'S AMAZING. HE KNOWS MORE ABOUT ME, THAN I MYSELF DO...NOT ONLY PHYSICALLY, BUT MENTALLY AND SPIRITUALLY, TOO.  JIMMY IS A MAN WHO HAD LOTS AND LOTS OF GIRLFRIENDS, BEFORE I CAME ALONG. THAT'S OK...HE WAS A SINGLE MAN FOR 46 YEARS, AND IT'S NORMAL TO HAVE GIRLFRIENDS.  AND THEY WERE ALL BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.  SLIM AND TRIM.  ONE WAS A FORD MODEL.  AND THEN I CAME ALONG.  AND JIMMY INSISTS I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OF ALL (SMILE)....WELL I AM UNQUE!...AND HE LIKED THE WHOLE PACKAGE...MY INTELLIGENCE, MY HUMOR, MY "MAKING IT" IN LIFE, EVEN THROIUGH ROUGH TIMES.  ALL YOU MEN OUT THERE SHOULD TAKE LESSONS FROM JIMMY ON HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR WOMAN.  A WOMAN LIKES TO BE PAMPERED AND CATERED TO.  SHE LOVES TO BE TOLD HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE IS.  SHE LIKES A MAN TO HOLD HER HAND AND OPEN DOORS.  SINCE I'VE BEEN MARRIED, I HAVEN'T OPENED ONE DOOR FOR MYSELF.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!  HE OPENS EVERY CAR DOOR.  BEFORE I CAN GET THERE, HE IS AROUND TO MY SIDE OF THE CAR, OPENING IT........"MY JIMMY."  I LOVE HIM SO!  HE IS SUCH A WONDERFUL MAN AND HUSBAND......AND EVEN FROM PRISON , HE GUARDS OVER ME....AND ALL YOU "PRISON WIVES,"  "STAND BY YOUR MAN!"........HANG IN THERE!.......THE DAY WILL COME , WHEN HE WILL COME HOME!.................WELL NEXT TIME, I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE DAY WE LEFT VEGAS, SAID GOOD-BY TO OUR HOUSE, AND LEFT FOR JERSEY!.........STAY-TUNED!...IT GETS QUITE EXCITING, AS WE GOT TO NEW JERSEY, AND THE COPS WERE OUT AFTER US, BECAUSE THERE WAS A WARRENT OUT FOR HIS ARREST.  HOW FRIENDS AND FAMILY, TRICKED US, AND CALLED THE COPS ON US WHEN WE WENT TO VISIT THEM....HOW THERE WAS A STAKEOUT IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE FOR A FEW DAYS AND WE WERE PRISONERS IN OUR OWN HOUSE.  HOW JIMMY COMFORTED ME, UNTIL HE COULD STRAIGHTEN THINGS OUT. HOW JIMMY JOKED , 'WE ARE LIKE BONNIE AND CLYDE," AS I DROVE THE JAGUAR INTO TOWN, AFRAID AT ANY MOMENT WE WOULD BE CAUGHT! YOU MAY ASK, "WHY DID YOU RUN FROM THE COPS?"........SIMPLE. JIMMY DID IT BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE FOR ME.  HE HAD TO GET ME AND THE PETS SETTLED.  AND THEN, HE JUST DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE ME. HE ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING....AND HE KNEW I WOULD BE MORE THAN "LOST" ONCE HE WAS GONE. WELL, I AM GLAD IT IS TODAY , AND THINGS HAVE PROGRESSED, AND IT IS NOT MARCH 28, 2003, TH E DAY HE TURNED HIMSELF IN!.......THANK YOU, GOD, AND P;EASE, PLEASE, BRING JIMMY BACK HOME TO ME SOON!

TODAY , MAY 25, IS JIMMY'S BIRTHDAY.  HE IS 49......"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY LOVE!"...I GOT UP EARLY, AND WAS THINKING ABOUT JIMMY. THERE ARE PICTURES OF JIMMY ALL OVER THE HOUSE...AND I KEEP SEVERAL BY MY BEDSIDE..........I HAVE A FRAMED ONE OF US BOTH IN THE KITCHEN THAT I LOOK AT AS I COOK........ONE OF HIM WITH ME AT SEASIDE, IN FRONT OF THE OCEAN, IS ON THE FRIDGE DOOR........AND SO MANY MORE, ALL OVER THE PLACE.........SO THIS MORNING, WJEN I THOUGHT OF HIM RISING AT HIS USUAL 5:30--6AM, I SAID SOME PRAYERS , AND TALKED TO JESUS .

BIRTHDAYS AND HOLIDAYS ARE BIG THINGS FOR MY HUSBAND.  HE IS A MAN WHO LOVES TO CELEBRATE LIFE!......IF HE WERE HOME, WE'D HAVE A BIG BIRTHDAY CAKE.......AND HAVE A PARTY OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY, AND PROBABLY TAKE EVERYONE OUT TO DINNER, IN AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT!.........OH HOW JIMMY LOVES TO DO THAT.........INVITE EVERYONE OUT TO DINNER......AND HE LOVES TO START WITH HUGH DISHES OF APPETIZERS, WHICH HE ORDERS FOR THE TABLE.........ANTIPASTO..........AND ALWAYS SEVERAL PIZZAS, JUST AS AN APPETIZER, BEFORE THE MAIN MEAL..............AND THEN, EVERYONE CAN ORDER WHAT THEY WANT!.........WE'VE TREATED AT LEAST 9 PEOPLE FOR DINNERS!........"DO YOU KNOW GET A "PICTURE" OF MY HUSBAND?!.........A VERY HAPPY MAN........JOLLY AND JOYFUL.....LIKES TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY.........LOVES TO SOCIALIZE, AND HAVE HIS WIFE BY HIS SIDE, TREATING HER LIKE A QUEEN!..(i'm the quiet, shy one.  Jimmy pulled me out of my shell when he married me)........SO THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!.......LIFE WITH JIMMY IS JUST ONE CELEBRATION AFTER ANOTHER!.........and i miss it, now that he is not here.

"JIMMY, WHAT DO THEY DO AT THE PRISON FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?"  I ASKED HIM YESTERDAY.  I KNEW THE ANSWER.  "NOTHING HONEY.IT IS JUST ANOTHER DAY."  WELL, I SAID, IF A PATIENT IS IN THE HOSPITAL ON HIS BIRTHDAY, THE KITCHEN SENDS UP A BIRTHDAY CAKE (IN THE HOSPITAL)

THIS IS JIMMY'S SECOND BIRTHDAY IN PRISON. I SENT HIM 2 CARDS. HE KEEPS THEM IN FRONT OF HIM AT ALL TIMES.  WE STAY CONNECTED.

GOOD NEWS, WHICH WE RECEIVED YESTERDAY IN THE MAIL!....I FEEL IT IT "HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEWS!"  THE STORY 'LUCKY," WHICH WE GOT PUBLISHED IN "ANGELS ON EARTH MAGAZINE, " WELL, A "FAN" SENT A LETTER TO THE MAGAZINE AND THEY SENT IT TO US.  THE WOMAN SAIDSHE JUST LOVED THE STORY. SHE LOVED JIMMY'S STYLE OF WRITING.  SHE COULD NOT GET ENOUGH OF THE STORY, AND READS IT OVER AND OVER.  SHE WANTED TO KNOW IF HE HAS ANYTHING ELSE WRITTEN, BECAUSE SHE WOULD LIKE TO READ IT............THIS IS JUST WONDERFUL, AS THIS STORY WILL BE THE BASIS FOR A NOVEL JIMMY IS WRITTING.  JIMMY IS ALSO CURRENTLY WRITING ANOTHER STORY FOR AOE MAG.........I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED.

AND PLEASE, IN CLOSING, LET'S SAY A LITTLE PRAYER FOR ALL THE INMATES IN ALL THE PRISONS ACROSS AMERICA........AROUND 2.5 MILLION..........WE MAY EVEN INCLUDE POW'S AND PRISONERS IN OTHER COUNTRIES AROUD THE WORLD.  WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE THESE PEOPLE.  LET US PRAY THAT THEY ARE SHOWN 'THE LIGHT,"  AND THE WAY.  LET US HOPE THAT MANY WILL RETURN TO THE WORLD ONCE AGAIN AS LOVING PEOPLE AND CONSTRUCTIVE PEOPLE, WHO WILL BE AN ASSET TO OUR WORLD.  IF WE DON'T PRAY FOR THEM, WHO WILL............I LOVE YOU ALL, AND THANK YOU FOR READING MY JOURNAL!..........FRAN, A PRISONER'S WIFE

 

INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT PRISONS

A SMALL, BUT GROWING CONGRESSIONAL AND GRASS-ROOTS MOVEMENT WANTS TO FREE OLDER, NON-VIOLENT OFFENDERS FROM PRISON EARLY.  IN THE 1980'S AND 1990'S, FOR CRIMES SUCH AS DRUG POSSESSION, THE MANDATORY SENTENCES WERE MUCH TOUGHER.  SO THEREFORE, MORE MEN AND WOMEN IN THEIR PRIME EARNING AND FAMILY-RAISING YEARS ARE SERVING LONG PRISON TERMS TODAY. 

  AS A RESULT, THE FEDERAL PRISON POPULATION GREW MORE THAN 150 PERCENT TO ALMOST 150,000 INMATES FROM 1990 TO 2002, ACCORDING TO THE JUSTICE DEPT.  MORE THAN 90 PERCENT ARE MALE.  THE FASTEST GROWING AGE GROUP IS 45 AND OLDER IN PRISONS, TODAY.

  IT COSTS $22,000/YEAR TO HOUSE AN INMATE.THE COST IS TRIPLE FOR ELDERLY PRISONERS WITH HEALTH CARE AND HOUSING NEEDS

  VIOLENT OFFENDERS WHO SHOULD GET LONG PRISON TERMS OFTEN GO FREE YEARS BEFORE NONVIOLENT OFFENDERS.  A 3-TIME RAPIST IN MICHIGAN CAN BE SENTENCED TO 7 YEARS IN PRISON, WHILE A PERSON CAUGHT WITH 2 LBS. COCAINE, CAN GET 25 YEARS.

  THIS YEAR, LEGISLATION IS BEING PUSHED BY LAWMAKERS TO FREE SOME NON-VIOLANT, OLDER INMATES.

  EXPERTS HAVE FOUND MANDATORY SENTENCES HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO RECENT LOWER CRIME RATES BECAUSE THEY HELP GET OFFENDERS OFF THE STREET.

  SOME FEEL THAT PRISONERS AS YOUNG AS 55 SHOULD BE RELEASED EARLY TO HOME DETENTION.  AT HOME, THEY WOULD WEAR AN ANKLE BRACELET, AND BECOME A PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY AGAIN.

THE MIRACLE OF THE WEDDING BAND

WHILE SHOVELING THE SNOW AT NITE AT THE PRISON, LAST DECEMBER, JIMMY LOST HIS GOLD WEDDING BAND.  HE NEVER TOLD ME, BECAUSE HE KLNEW I'D BE UPSET....WELL YESTERDAY, 5 MONTHS AFTER HE LOST IT, IT WAS MIRACULOUSLY FOUND!............JIMMY WAS WALKING OUTSIDE, AND HE HEARD SOMEONE CALL HIS NAME.  HE TURNED AROUND, AND THE INMATE ASKED HIM IF HE LOST HIS WEDDING BAND.  HE SAID"YES," AND LOOKED INTO THE INMATES HAND AND SAW HIS LOST RING. "JIMMY, THE RING WAS NEXT TO THAT BUSH," HE POINTED.........."IT WAS STARRING AT ME IN BROAD DAYLIGHT,  AS I WAS DOING THE GARDENING WORK TODAY."  JIMMY WAS IN A STATE OF SHOCK.  BUT THE BIGGEST MIRACLE IS THIS............SINCE DECEMBER 2003, JIMMY'S FAITH IN THE LORD HAS SPIRALED DOWNWARD, ALTHOUGH HE STILL PRAYS, READS THE BIBLE AND GOES TO MASS.  ON THE MORNING THAT THE RING WAS FOUND, JIMMY TOLD THE LORD IN HIS PRAYERS.."LOOK, LORD, I'M GOING TO STOP PRAYING TO YOU.  THINGS JUST ARE NOT WORKING OUT AS THEY SHOULD BE.  I TOLD MY WIFE, I'D BE LOCKED UP FOR 5 MONTHS.........AND HERE IT IS 14 MONTHS. NO LORD, I WILL NOT PRAY OR TALK TO YOU ANYMORE."...............AND SO , LATER THAT DAY HIS RING WAS FOUND BY A MOSLEM INMATE.  AND JIMMY AND I INTERPRET THAT AS A SIGN, FROM GOD ABOVE.  DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR FAITH, "HE" IS SAYING..............AND SO WE CONTINUE TO PRAY, BELIEVE IN, TALK TO, AND CONFIDE IN THE LORD........SIGNS AND MIRACLES ARE SENT TO US EVERYDAY FROM GOD, TO RENEW AND REFRESH OUR FAITH IN HIM.............IF WE BUT ONLY KEEP OUR EARS AND EYES OPEN............"HE" IS THERE EVERYDAY, AND EVERYWAY.

time goes on

IT'S KINDA FUNNY...I REALLY DON'T HAVE MUCH TO SAY...LIFE KEEPS GOING ON, THAT'S ALL. OH I KEEP MYSELF BUSY, VERY BUSY.  BUT UNLESS JIMMY IS HERE WITH ME, IT'S ALL KIND OF USELESS. SO TODAY, I WALKED AROUND FOR 1.5 HOURS.......I WALKED A COUPLE OF MILES AND SAT ON THE PARK BENCHES.  I LISTEN TO MY WALKMAN...I FEEL BETTER TONITE, PHYSICALLY. YOU SEE, I HAVE VERY SEVERE NEUROPATHY, SO FOR ME TO WALK IS A BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT AND I TOOK PRINCE FOR 2 WALKS, AND WE SAT OUTSIDE IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE.  I PLANTED SOME MORE FLOWERS AND RE-ARRANGED THE ANGEL STATUES I HAVE THERE.  JIMMY CALLED ME AT 9:30 PM...HIS FINAL DAILY CALL, AS USUAL. HE SAID THE PRISON ALWAYS SMELLS OF BURNT POPCORN IN THE EVENING.  JIMMY SAID,"I KEEP TELLING THESE GUYS MY WIFE NEVER BURNS POPCORN.  SHE MAKES PERFECT POPCORN EVERYTIME."   YES IT'S TRUE..I DO.....I USED TO MAKE POPCORN FOR THE STAFF IN THE HOSPITAL I WORKED IN, EVERYNITE. I TOLD JIMMY , TELL THOSE GUYS MY SECRET...ONE MUST STAND BY THE MICROWAVE AND LISTEN.  WHEN THE POPPING STOPS, OR SLOWS DOWN, IT'S DONE.  THAT'S IT...NO BIG THING! ON THE FINAL POP, OPEN THAT MICROWAVE DOOR FAST, OR IT WILL BURN........WELL, WE ARE STILL HOPING HE'LL GO TO THE HALF-WAY HOUSE SOON.......TOMORROW, BEING THE START OF A NEW WEEK, MAYBE WE'LL HEAR SOME GOOD NEWS....THAT IS HOW WE LIVE OUR LIFE........LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT DAY.  WE FEEL CLOSER THAN EVER!  WE STILL TALK 3-4 TIMES/DAY..........JIMMY'S FIRST CALL IS 12:30 pm TO WAKE ME UP.  I'M A LATE SLEEPEr, THESE DAYS, AND SLEEPING SO LATE HELPS PASS THE DAY.  HIS NEXT CALL IS 5:30 PM.....TO SEE IF  I'M OK.  AND HIS LAST CALL, BEFORE BEDTIME IS 9:30 pm...HE LIKES THAT CALL TO BE MAINLY LOVE TALK..AND THEN WE CAN BOTH HAVE A RESTFUL NITE....OR TRY TO.  THE GOOD NEWS IS, I GOT PRINCE'S PIX AND A FEW LINES ABOUT HIM PUBLISHED IN "TRUE ROMANCE MAGAZINE," AUGUST 2004 EDITION  (TENTATIVE DATE).  EVEN FOR A SIMPLE THING LIKE THAT I HAD TO SIGN A SMALL CONTRACT.  I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT WRITING...I JUST LOVE IT. I HAVE A POEM CALLED "THE ROSEBUD", WHICH WILL BE PUBLISHED IN A BOOK CALLED 'RELATIONSHIPS," IN DECEMBER 2004.  I AM STILL WORKING ON MY NOVELS......I'LL SAY GOOD-NITE NOW TO YOU......AND THERE'S A STORY I'M GOING TO WORK ON!

prison blues

Well today was a hot, humid day....thunderstorms most of the day.  The prison is very hot....no air-conditioning.  It was built very long ago , as an army barracks.  Jimmy and most inmates have their own little fan they keep at the bedside.  Jimmy and I feel kind of  'fidgety," right now.  Jimmy keeps saying he wants to get out of that place .  I have not seen him in 9 months.  We will take this issue up Governor Mcgreevy, after he gets out of there.  The prisons make their own visiting rules....and it just should not be that way.  This is a disgrace, for such a wonderful country as we live in.  Some standardized rules shold be made, and also exceptions to the rules.  I am a 50 yr. old sick, handicapped, blind woman, and I should be able to visit with my husband at least once in 9 months.  We will not let the "system"  get away with this one.  Also, Jimmy went to the person in charge of the half-way house.  They "think"  Jimmy will go in a couple of weeks.  If not, Jimmy has me on "stand-by,"  with letters written to government officials to get him out of there.  Jimmy should have been gone a long time ago.  We will not put up with this "b---sh-- any more.............................Jimmy feels annoyed, and so do I.  I feel very frustrated.  Everyday is always the same for me.  It really never changes........I'm tired of walking the dog, feeding the cats, and cleaning the house.  Well, I'll just keep going on, I guess....Tomorrow, I'm going to a luncheon a psycic fair with my aunt.

the forgotten women

The "Forgotten Women."...that's what I've decided to call the prisoner's wives.  That is just what we are. There are 2.5 million men in prisons in America. Do you ever hear, or read about these prisoner's wives?  No you don't. In reality, inmates are well taken care of. They are fed, clothed, exercised, get haircuts, have  a bed to sleep in. They do not have to worry about paying bills, about mortgages, car payments, utility bills, doctor bills.  They, in fact, get the best health care while in prison. Why? Because the prison system does not want a sick inmate to infect the place.  So they routinely have bloodwork done, etc.  It is the women that suffer...that is, the loved ones left behind.........the wives, mothers, fathers, girlfriends, and oh yes............so very important, the children of the imprisoned. These are the people left behind, to cope with an unreal world they live in on a daily basis. I call it "my bubble."..."my world".....another dimension.  Most prison wives live in a world of fear...........fear of people, the world.........they must cope with explanations to children as to where daddy is. They cope with maintaining a home and house...........all those little repair things and "Man things", like taking care of the car. The strong women hang on.  They keep everything organized, until the Man comes home. In the first few months, neighbors cared. Where is Jimmy, they would ask. I became good at telling lies, to cover things up... Always a lie, a cover-up. Yes me, who rarely tells a lie. After all, no one wants their neighbor to be a criminal.  Would you?  And then, they neighbors start turning their heads, or smile with a quick hello, as time goes on.  They know something is fishy.  As time goes on, I become more and more the "Foregotten Women."...in the beginning, neighbors brought me dishes of pasta with sausage and meatballs....even that has stopped.  I am the "Mysterious Woman."  Neighbors see me come and go.......alone......always alone. I walk Prince, my dog and drive my Jaguar.  I sit outside, to gaze at the sky........I am the "MYSTERIOUS  ONE."......if need be, I lie to protect my husband and myself. My next door neighbor is a retired policeman.  I dodge him all the time.  He must figure Jimmy is in prison......or left me for another woman........Well, all my fellow Prisoner's Wives, the purpose of this journal is not only for me to get things off my chest, and to share my life with you.  It is to make you realize you are not alone, in your life and your feelings.  You are not crazy, but you are normal.  What you are going through is perfectly normal. You are under a tremendous amount of stress......You are living in a strange world. Hopefully, it is only for a certain amount of time, and then all will revert back to a normal world, soon, when it is all over.  But the sadness is, what about those women that are still there, in that world. We should somehow help one another...and for those in the future.  You see, my husband was a BAILBONDSMAN, for 12 years prior to his incarceration. He sat for hours trying to explain things to me. He told me that the worst was for the women left behind. Those were the women he dealt with.  The tears, crying women, who he went to bail their man out of jail.  That is why he was so familiar with this whole situation. He did not want me to become a "prison wife,' because he knew the pain and devistation they lived with........the lonliness..........yes, 12 yrs. of seeing these women............a sea of faces........Jimmy wanted to protect me. He didn't want me to see and become familiar with the prison system. But being as I am, curious, I found out on my own. However, I look at it as an education, and in a way I'm glad to experience it. So tell me your thoughts...your experiences, while your man is incarcerated. Let me know your fears. Explain your world to me. I do feel support systems should be set up. There should be family participation in the imprisonment of the loved one.  It begins with the family, to help in the rehabilatation process of a criminal.  It starts with one person.  I pray to God, to let it start here.

next phase of imprisonment is approaching

WELL FINALLY THE DAY ARRIVED!  LES LEFT FOR THE HALF-WAY HOUSE EVALUATION CENTER.  HE HAD BEEN IN PRISON FOR 4 YEARS. HE WAS ALMOST SINGING AND DANCING AROUND THE PRISON, HE WAS SO HAPPY!......AND THAT MEANS THAT JIMMY WILL BE GOING SOON....MAYBE 2 OR 3 WEEKS......I FEEL ALMOST IN A FOG ABOUT THINGS.........HE HAS BEEN GONE 13.5 MONTHS......THAT IS A LONG TIME......A LONG TIME THAT I HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE WAITING FOR HIM....PREPARING THE HOUSE FOR HIM. ANTICIPATING HIS ARRIVAL.  AND NOW THAT DAY IS SLOWLY APPROACHING...I'M ALMOST AFRAID.  AFRAID OF WHAT, YOU MAY ASK!  THE ANSWER IS SIMPLY "AFRAID."  MAYBE OF LIFE. I JUST DON'T KNOW.  AFRAID OF MYSELF. AFRAID OF TIME. IN THOSE 13 MONTHS, TIME HAS PASSED BY.I LOVE AND NEED HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING, AND YET I'M AFRAID AT MY RESPONSE TO ALL THIS....HOW I RESPONDED TO HIS IMPRISONMENT.  HOW I BECAME A RECLUSE.  HOW I STOPPED TRUSTING PEOPLE...THE WORLD.  HOW I BECAME SELF-CENTERED. HOW MY WARM TEARS COMFORT ME.  HOW I'M AFRAID OF THE WORLD..OF PEOPLE. IT'S ALL SO SILLY. THAT IS NOT ME. NOT THE ME I KNOW, ANYHOW.  CERTAINLY I AM NOT THE PERSON HE MARRIED. I KNOW I SOUND A LITTLE CRAZY, BUT THAT IS JUST WHAT I HAVE BECOME. JIMMY IS CERTAIN WHEN HE RETURNS HOME, I WILL BE OK, ONCE AGAIN. WIVES WHO HAVE HUSBANDS IN THE MILITARY HAVE SUPPORT GROUPS, BUT PRISON WIVES HAVE NOTHING. IT IS A SHAME OUR GOVT. IS LIKE THAT. THEY TAKE YOUR HUSBAND, LOCK HIM UP, AND THERE IS NOTHING, ABSOLUTLY NOTHING THAT THEY DO FOR THE WIFE...THE CHILDREN...THE MOTHERS. THEY ARE GIVEN NO SUPPORT. NOT MORALLY, SOCIALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY, NOT FINANCIALLY. ONCE LOCKED UP, THE PRISON HAS NO COMMUNICATION WITH THE FAMILY. I THINK IT IS DISGUISTING. LETTERS SHOULD BE SENT TO THE FAMILIES AT LEAST INFORMING THE FAMILY OF THE STATUS OF THE INMATE. FOLLOW-UP OF WIVES SHOULD BE MADE..."ARE THEY OK? MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, FINANCIALLY"........2.5 MILLION MEN ARE IN PRISONS IN THE USA. IMAGINE HOW MANY WIVES AND LOVED ONES HAVE BEEN LEFT BEHIND..POSSIBLY BEING DRIVEN INSANE BY THE "SYSTEM." NO ONE CARES, AND IT IS A SHAME. I WISH I COULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE. TO HELP CHANGE THE SYSTEM. IT IS A BIG CHUNK TO BITE OFF.  BUT EVERYTHING STARTS WITH ONE PERSON. POSSIBLY IF PRISON WIVES AND LOVED ONES WOULD UNITE...TO HELP EACH OTHER THROUGH SUPPORT GROUPS , AT LEAST...........WHEN JIMMY COMES HOME, I FEEL HE WILL HAVE TO BE "DEPROGRAMMED." AFTER ALL, HE HAS LIVED IN ANINSTITUTION FOR OVER A YEAR, THE SAME WAY I HAVE BEEN SITTING LOOKING AT THE 4 WALLS, AND TALKING TO HIS PIX, ALL YEAR....WELL, MY FAVORITE WORDS ARE "LIFE GOES ON.".............AND SO IT SHALL.

"HELLO, IT'S ME"

HELLO EVERYONE! THANKS FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS, E-MAILS AND CONCERNS ABOUT ME THESE PAST FEW WEEKS.I'M STILL HERE , ALIVE AND KICKING. IT'S JUST BEEN THAT I'VE BEEN SICK, AND IT TAKES ALL MY ENERGY TO JUST TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSEHOLD AND PETS. THINGS ARE LOOKING UP AT THE PRISON!  JIMMY'S FELLOW INMATES IS GOING TOMORRROW TO THE HALF-WAY HOUSE EVALUATION CENTER. HE IS ALL PACKED UP AND READY TO GO. THAT MEANS, JIMMY SHOULD BE GOING IN AROUND 2-3 WEEKS. WE ARE BOTH SO VERY EXCITED!  ONCE THERE, I WILL BE ABLE TO GO SEE JIMMY AND BRING HIS CLOTHES.I WILL HAVE TO GET A SENIOR CITIZEN FRIEND TO BRING ME. ...BLAME THE STATE OF NEW JERSY, WHO HAS PROHIBITED ME FROM SEEING MY HUSBAND FOR 9 MONTHS. YES, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?  THEY ARE WORRIED ABOUT ME SEEING MY HUSBAND........ THE LAWS OF NEW JERSY SHOULD BE CHANGED AND KEPT UP TO DATE. WOMEN IN OTHER STATES HAVE CONGUGAL VISITS WITH THIER HUSBANDS. ALSO, I WAS BORN IN NEW JERSY, AND HAVE A BIRTH CERTIFICATE FROM HERE.I LIVED HERE UNTIL 20 YEARS OLD, JUST BECAUSE I MAINTAIN DUAL RESIDENCY, IN NJ AND NEVADA.  AFTERWARDS, I WILL TRY TO GET THIS LAW CHANGED HERE.  IT WILL GIVE ME PLEASURE TO WORK FOR A CAUSE, AND TRY TO HELP OTHERS IN THE FUTURE.  WELL, I'LL SAY GOO-NITE FOR NOW!  I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SAY THANK YOU TO THOSE OF YOU WHO WROTE ME "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY" WISHES ON APRIL 29.  IT WAS OUR THIRD WEDDING ANNIVERSAY!  JIMMY SENT ME A BEAUTIFUL HAND-MADE CARD, WITH OUR WEDDING PIX ON IT!  HE ALSO TOLD ME HE HAS 60, YES 60 OF MY PIX HANGING ABOVE HIS BED...ON THE BUNK BED ABOVE.  SO WHEN HE LAYS IN BED HE IS LOOKING AT MY PIX ABOVE HIM.........60 OF THEM!...AND HE HAS 3 PHOTO ALBUMS TOO!!!!...........I GUESS THAT'S LOVE!!!!!