Friday, June 23, 2006

WAITING FOR SUNDAY

I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR SUNDAY, THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, WHEN JIMMY WILL COME HOME AGAIN!

WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE SEVERAL TIMES TODAY, AND WE CAN;T WAIT TO BE TOGETHER AGAIN....IT IS JUST THAT THE MORE WE SEE  EACH OTHER, THE MORE WE WANT.  ..........................IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT, EVER SINCE WE FIRST NEW EACH OTHER. 

WELL THIS TIME, JIMMY WILL BE BRINGING ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, AS SOON AS HE GETS HERE......WE ARE HOPING THEY WILL NOT ADMIT ME, BUT THERE IS A VERY GOOD CHANCE THEY WILL, FOR ANTIBIOTIC THERAPY, AS I HAVE AN INFECTION IN MY RIGHT LEG, AND I AM JUST HOPING IT CAN LAST 1 MORE DAY...............THE LEG HAS A SWOLLEN AREA ON THE ANKLE/HEEL AREA AND THE ENTIRE LEG IS SWOLLEN, AND WARM, AND PAINFUL TO WALK ON.  ACTUALLY, I AM HAVING TROUBLE WALKING, AND I ALMOST LOSE BALANCE AND ALMOST TEND TO START FALLING...SO, I'M USING MY CANE AND WHEELCHAIR IN THE HOUSE......................IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING, AND I AM READY TO GET THIS TAKEN CARE OF, AND MOVE ON TO OTHER THINGS.

THE LAST TIME I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL WAS 2004.  I HAD GANGRENE OF MY TOE, AND A LARGE ABCESS IN MY FOOT...I ALMOST DIED, BEING IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 6 WEEKS, GIVEN MASSIVE IV ANTIBX THERAPY, AND 4 UNITS OF BLOOD FOR SEVERE ANEMIA.  MY TOE WAS AMPUTATED, AND THE FOOT CUT WIDE OPEN TO REMOVE A LARGE ABCESS, THE SIZE OF ALMOST A BASEBALL.

I WAS IN SEPTIC SHOCK.

THE TROUBLE WAS, MY HUSBAND WAS NO WHERE AROUND FOR ME.....THE DAY I WAS BROUGHT TO SURGERY, HE WAS BEING TRANSPORTED FROM BAYSIDE STATE PRISON, TO KINTOCK HALF-WAY HOUSE. 

I WAS ALONE, AND THAT'S ALL THERE WAS TO IT.  AT LEAST AT THAT TIME, I HAD THE SENSE TO TRANSFER MY CALLS, VIA CALL FORWARDING, TO THE HOSPITAL, SO THAT JIMMY WAS IN CONSTANT COMMUNICATION WITH ME. ON THE PHONE.

THE DOCTOR'S, AND THERE WERE 9 OF THEM, WORKING ON ME, HAD LOST HOPE.  THEY THOUGHT I WOULD DIE.  AND SO, THEY TOLD MY SISTER, I WOULD NOT MAKE IT.  THEY ASKED HER IF "MY THINGS WERE IN ORDER."..............SHE TOLD THEM NOT TO TELL ME I WAS DYING.UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES.  I GUESS SHE REMEMBERED THAT I DON'T BELIEVE IN TELLING ANY SICK PERSON THEY ARE DYING...............BEING AN RN FOR 28 YEARS, I KNOW THAT THE DOCTOR MAY BE A SMART MAN, BUT ......"HE IS NOT GOD."

I DO NOT BELIEVE IN TELLING THE PATIENT , "YOU HAVE 3 MONTHS TO LIVE.'..........................NO WAY!...........................................THAT IS MY BELIEF, AND I DON'T ASK ANYONE TO AGREE WITH ME.

AND SO, LET ME TELL YOU, WHEN YOU ARE NEAR DEATH, YOU SIMPLY KNOW IT.  NO ONE HAD TO TELL ME. MY BODY SIMPLY WAS NOT RESPONDING TO THE ANTIBIOTICS.............................I ALSO HAD MRSA, WHICH IS A STAPH INFECTION, THAT MANY PEOPLE DIE FROM...........................FROM MY FOOT, IT HAD TAKEN OVER MY WHOLE BODY AND BRAIN.

SO, I LISTENED TO JIMMY ON THE PHONE, FOR 6 WEEKS.

I LISTENED AND LISTENED, AND CRIED TO HIM INTO THE PHONE. I COULD BARELY TALK................BUT I COULD CRY.AND I COULD LISTEN TO HIS VOICE, AND HIS BREATH........... HE WAS MY SOURCE OF ENERGY..................HE TOLD ME AROUND A MILLION TIMES THAT I WOULD MAKE IT..............THAT I WOULD GET BETTER.

I COULD BARELY TALK OR MOVE, BUT I SIMPLY LISTEBED TO HIS WORDS. 

AND THEN, HE WOULD TELL ME HOW HE HAD THE GUYS IN PRISON FORM PRAY CHAIN, CIRCLES...AMD HOW THE MEN WERE PRAYING INTENSELY FOR ME......................AND JIMMY WOULD LEAD THE PRAYERS IN THE PRISON, WITH THE OTHER MEN..................

YES, THAT IS HOW I LEARNED THAT EVEN CRIMINALS IN PRISON HAVE VERY STRONG POWERS OF PRAYER............

YES, GOD LISTENS A LOT TO THOSE MEN.........

THEY HAVE TIME........

THEY ARE DOING TIME.

MANY OF THOSE CRIMINALS REALIZE THEY HAVE NO ONE BUT GOD......AND SO, THEY PRAY, I BELIEVE, WITH VERY INTENSE PRAYERS.................

THEY ARE LOCKED UP, WITH NO WAY OUT.  AND SO, THEY INSTEAD TURN INWARD, TO GOD, WHO DWELLS WITHIN......

AND YES, I WAS FINALLY HEALED.

AND AFTER I WAS HOME, I HAD TO GO VISIT MY SURGEON EVERY WEEK......................AND, EVERY WEEK HE WOULD TELL ME, "I HAVE TO DO 2 MORE SURGERIES ON YOUR FOOT."

AND IN MY HEAD, I WOULD SAY, OVER AND OVER..........."NEVER.  I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THAT HOSPITAL BED."

AND SO, I TOOK CARE OF MY OWN FOOT WOUND.  I PUT MY SELF IN THE SHOWER TWICE A DAY, AND USED THE SHOWER SPRAY, TO CLEANSE THE WOUND....I PUT ON THE OINTMENT PRESCRIBED BY THE DOCTOR, AND THEN DRESSED THE WOUND..............................THAT FOOT WOUND WAS SOMETHING LIKE 2 INCHES DEEP, AND 9 INCEHES LONG.............I LITEALLY PUT MY FINGERS INSIDE MY OWN WOUND, WHEN I PACKED IT..............BUT I DIDN'T MIND............I'M VERY STROMG MINDED, AND ONLY NEW I HAD TO GET BETTER............

AND, AROUND 1 MONTH LATER, THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS, I WENT TO SEE HIM, AND HE LOOKED UP AT ME AND SAID,   "MY GOSH, YOU HAVE A MIRACULOUS HEALING POWER WITHIN YOU!  I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!  I DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANY FURTHER SURGERY ON YOUR FOOT....IT IS BEGINNING TO HEAL!"

AND YES..................THAT IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT....................................PRAYER, STRENGTH, POWER, LOVE....................YOU NAME IT, THAT'S WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT......

AND SO,. ONCE AGAIN, I WILL GO AND GET CHECKED OUT .  I PROMISED MYSELF NEVER TO GO BACK TO THAT SCARY HOSPIRAL AGAIN.  NUT NOW THAT JIMMY IS ON PAROLLE, AND IN A HALF0WAY HOUSE, HE HAS GOTTEN SPECIAL PERMISSION TO BRING ME THERE.

AND SO IN MY MIND, I WILL SIMPLY THINK OF IT (THIS SUNDAY),  AS A DAY OF LOVE..WE WILL BE TOGETHER, AND I WILL GO AND GET HEALED ONCE AGAIN, AND EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE............................

............LIFE IS GOING SO GREAT RIGHT NOW, WE CAN;T MESS THINGS UP WITH MY HEALTH........................AND JIMMY AND I, BEING 2 VERY STRONG PEOPLE, WILL JUST NOT LET MEDICAL PROBLEMS INTERFERE...................AND WE BOTH HAVE AN IMMESELY STRONG BELIEF IN GOD AND THE UNIVERSE.................AND THE POWER OF FAITH, PRAYER, AND HEALING.

THANK YOU  ALL FOR READING MY JOURNAL.  I HAVE WRITTEN IT SINCE DEC. 31, 2003, NEW YEAR'S EVE, WHEN I WAS LONELY AND DEPRESSED, WITH A HUSBAND IN PRISON.  MY JOURNAL BECAME MY FRIEND.  I TALKED ABOUT THE DAY TO DAY EXPERIENCEX OF BEING A PRISONER'S WIFE.  THE UPS AND DOWNS..........THE TEARS AND LAUGHTER....................AND OF COURSE ABOUT OUR INTENSE LOVE.  HOW A LOVE CAN EVEN STRENGTHEN AND GROW, DESPITE PRISON WALLS.......................HOW MY LIFE WAS TOTALLY DEDICATED TO MY HUSBAND WHO WAS IN PRISON.................

AND NOW, TIME HAS MOVED ON...........3.3. YEARS TO BE EXACT.  JIMMY IS IN A HALF-WAY HOUSE, ON PAROLE, HAS A JOB, AND HAS PASSES HOME EACH WEEK.  TIME MOVES ON, AND WE PROGRESS ALONG IN TIME.  AND NOW, JIMMY HOPEFULLY WILL COME HOME SOON, IN A FEW MONTHS.

LIFE IS A PROGRESSION.....................AND WE AS INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE PROGRESS THROUGH IT..............I LOVE TO SAY  , 'LIFE IS A JOURNEY."................AND WE, AS PEOPLE ARE PART OF THAT JOURNEY.

LIFE IS ALSO LIKE A BIG QUILT.  AND WE ARE ALL CONNECTED ON THAT QUILT.

GOOD-NIGHT EVERYONE.  I GUESS I SHOULD START RIGHT NOW, TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR POWERFUL PRAYERS, THAT ALL GOES WELL FOR JIMMY AND I ON SUNDAY.

GOOD-NIGHT!.................................FRAN

 

6 comments:

lanurseprn said...

Go to the ER as early as you can so there won't be such a long wait.  Otherwise, you might be spending your whole day off together in the ER waiting room.
Good luck!~~~Pam

am4039 said...

I'm praying and I sure hope all is ok with your foot. You have been through a lot.

bobandkate said...

Fran,
Wishing you lots of luck and love on Sunday!!
Kate.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/bobandkate/AnAnalysisofLife/

emabecmar said...

Wishing you all the best in a quick recovery. I'm glad Jimmy is coming home to take you there. I hope your not admitted so you and your hubby can spend some alone time together. I really love reading your journal. ((((Hugs)))

sugar1337 said...

I hope everything goes well with the doctors.  I would want to know how much time I had left if I were going to die, only because there are some things I would want to put in order before I died, but I think each person is different for some need to be able to hold onto the hope that they will make it to get better.  
http://blog.myspace.com/poptartcoco

pennycuik said...

Hi Fran, I found your link through Kate's journal and would like to say how courageous I think you are.  If only the rest of the world could find the love that you and Jimmy have for each other in spite of your difficulties, it would be a much more peaceful planet.  Hope all goes well for you.  Take care

Penny