Sunday, July 24, 2005

MISSING JIMMY

AS WITH ANYTHING, THERE IS ALWAYS A PERIOD OF LET-DOWN, AFTER THE HAPPY MOMENT.  THERE ARE JUST NO 2 WAYS ABOUT IT...I NOT ONLY MISS JIMMY, BUT CRAVE HIM IMMENSELY.  SIMCE HE LEFT, HE HAS BEEN CALLING ME  VERY OFTEN, TELLING ME HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME.  ON FRIDAY NIGHT, AT 11 PM, I FOUND MYSELF SUDDENLY CRYING, FOR NO REAL REASON, EXCEPT THAT I MISS JIMMY.  HIS PRESENCE IS STILL HERE IN THE HOUSE, BUT IT IS RIGHT NOW HARDER THAN EVER FOR ME.  JIMMY IS BUSY WITH HIS JOB, AND RIDING A BUS FOR 5 HOURS PER DAY TO GET THERE...I JOKE WITH JIMMY THAT HE HAS DONE MORE TRAVELING IN SOUTH JERSEY   ON THAT BUS, THAN I DID IN TRAVELLING TO 28 COUNTRIES...AND FUNNY THING IS, JIMMY HASN'T GONE ANYWHERE EXCEPT FROM KINTOCK TO ATLANTIC CITY, TO HIS JOB....AND SO, AS I WAS CRYING FOR 1 HOUR STRAIGHT, JIMMY CALLED ME AT 12 MIDNIGHT, BEFORE HE BOARDED THE BUS, BACK TO KINTOCK, AS HE DOES EVERY NITE...I TOLD HIM I HAD FELT SO HAPPY WHEN HE WAS HERE, AND NOW SUDDENLY AGAIN, I FELT SO SAD...SO ALONE.....LIKE I JUST CAN'T BARE IT.  HE COMFORTED ME, AND TOLD ME IT WAS OK...IT IS NORMAL TO FEEL THIS WAY, WITH A HUSBAND IN PRISON...AND SO, HE ALWAYS DRAWS ME OUT OF MY BAD MOOD....JIMMY IS ALWAYS A HAPPY, UP-LOFTED PERSON.  AS FOR ME, I'VE BECOME BORED AND QUIET IN THE HOUSE....NO NEED TO CLEAN, BECAUSE JIMMY LEFT THE PLACE SPOTLESS!...I JUST KINDA SIT AROUND AND THINK...AND DAY DREAM ABOUT JIMMY.  TODAY JIMMY TOLD ME I AM A VERY SEXUAL WOMAN......EVEN JUST MY BREATHING IS SEXUAL....PRETTY GOOD, HEY, GIRLS"!...DOES YOUR MAN TELL YOU THE SAME?!....BET YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT!..........AND YET, THE TRUTH IS, JIMMY DATED MANY, MANY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN BEFORE HE MARRIED ME....THEY WERE TALL, WUTH GOOD FIGURES.....ONE WOMAN WAS EVEN A FORD MODEL.....TROUBLE WAS, HE COULDN'T STAND ANY OF THEM!...THEY MAY AHVE BEEN PRETTY AND NICE TO LOOK AT, AND TAKING THEM ON A DATE WAS OK....BUT NOT A 24/7 THING, LIKE WE HAVE WITH EACH OTHER....AND SO, I WAS THE SHORTEST WOMAN HE EVER DATED  (JIMMY DOESN'T LIKE FOR ME TO SAY I'M SHORT...HE PREFERS THE WORD PETITE....BUT HEY, I AM ONLY 4'11'')....I HAVE JIMMY'S DIARY -BOOK HERE WITH ME.....HE HAS KEPT A LIST OF ALL THE WOMAN HE DATED, WITH THE YEAR NEXT TO THEIR NAME.....I'M AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LIST...IT SAYS  "FRAN   2001"...THE YEAR WE MET AND MARRIED....THERE IS NOTHING LISTED FURTHER...THANK GOD FOR THAT!...........I KNOW THE WOMEN JIMMY DATED...HE SAT AND TOLD ME ALL ABOUT EACH ONE, ACTUALLY....THERE ARE NO SECRETS BETWEEN US....AND I WAS SO HAPPY TO KNOW I HAD MARRIED A "REAL MAN," WHO WAS A TYPICAL BACHELOR AND HAD AN EXTENSIVE DATING HISTORY AT THE AGE OF 45, WHEN I MET HIM.....HE IS VERY "EXPERIENCED," AND I CAN TESTIFY TO THAT!.......WELL NOW, I AM WAITING FOR HIS NEXT FURLOUGH HOME, WHENEVER THAT MAY BE....I HOPE IT IS SOON, BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT JIMMY, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I DID IT ALL THESE YEARS....I THINK I CREATED SOME SORT OF BUBBLE AROUND ME, TO FORGET THAT TIME WAS PASSING....IT IS ALL VERY STRANGE....I THINK I'M BLESSED THAT I CAN EVEN DO THAT....IT IS LIKE I ALMOST ALLOW TIME TO STAND STILL AROUND ME, AS I WAIT FOR MY LOVE TO RETURN....IN THE MEANTIME , EVERYTHING I DO ON A DAILY BASIS IS FOR MY JIMMY, MY PETS, AND MY HOME...I TRY TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE MORE AND MORE SOLID, AS HE DOES THE SAME.....I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, TO ALL THOSE WOMEN WHO ARE AT HOME, WAITING FOR THEIR MAN WHILE HE IS IN PRISON, THAT THE LIFE WE LEAD IS A "BIZARRE life."....OUR LIVES ARE DEFINETLY DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE......I CAN ONLY COMPARE IT SLIGHTLY TO A MILITARY WIFE, WHO WAITS FOR HER HUSBAND TO RETURN FROM WAR...BUT EVEN THOSE WIVES DON'T WAIT AS LONG AS WE DO.....AND SO I WILL CLOSE AND SAY GOOD-NITE WITH THAT THOUGHT.....YES, WE ARE UNIQUE AND DIFFERENT, AND TOGETHER WE WILL STAY STRONG..................FRAN

13 comments:

adlessor said...

Long time in coming.     So happy for you both..  Dawn
A Couple of Nomads

barbpinion said...

CONGRATS HONEY, FOR BEING ONE OF DEB'S PICKS
The good thing about letdowns, honey is that like everything else, they come to an end. The day will come when Jimmy will be back and won't have to leave again.
Hugs, love and prayers.
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

and9393 said...

Fran,
You may love and miss Jimmy but please DO NOT compare yourself to a military wife. Our husbands give their all for our country including people like you and Jimmy. What have you or Jimmy done for someone else or your country?
Linda

rivercitygirl1 said...

Hi there,
Just popping in to say congratulations on being editor's pick.  Yay!! You have an interesting journal and I will be back to read more of it.  I read that last comment and well......all I have to say I didn't like it much.  Especailly the "PEOPLE like you and Jimmy" part.  Sounds pretty racist and very snobbish, but of course, that's just my opinion.  I have a lot of respect for the military and everything they do for us but I don't think that comment was called for.  Again, just my opinion.  I know what you meant by comparing yourself to a military wife and I'm sure your other more......un inept readers will to.
Tami
http://journals.aol.com/rivercitygirl1/PicturePages

kkasey47 said...

Congratulations on being editors pick..Iwill be back to visit.................Kasey

justme30453 said...

I hope all goes well for you. Having worked with inmates I tend to be highly skeptical of prison romances, as there are many ulterior motives that lie behind 99% of them. Just don't lose yourself. You should continue to live for something outside of your marriage whether he is there or not. I pray you can find happiness and confidence within yourself. The day may well come that you will need it. God bless.

missingyewoxo5 said...

whoa...gurl..yer crazy!! but im sry about all the stuff yer going threw i guess!! take care!!

starbelle2 said...

Fran ~ First, congratulations on being one of the Guest Editor's Picks. Second, I am so amazed at your love and devotion to your husband. I have known you for a couple of years now and that is what is so consistent. So happy for you both to be able to enjoy a home visit. Thirdly, you will have to start a different journal one day because Jimmy will be home for good! Suzy Colorado

marroyo786 said...

God is my source of streght and my savior.
He keeps me functioning day and night.
I'm no one without him, and I can do everything with him
in Crist who gives me strenght.

There is no coincidence.... God has keep you strong during those difficult moments. He is being there with you all this time.....
God bless

daedaesbaebae said...

my husband is out right now, thank god...  but i have been there hun.  the thing is that we women on the outside are in our own personal prison.  i used to isolate because i really didnt want company.  everyone just served to remind me that the person i wanted to be with me was not there.  anyone else got on my nerves alot of the time.  good luck hun...  stay strong

skyandessycilhun said...

Hello, I was just looking around and your journal caught my eye. I am an ex-corrections officer, and while I was working in the prison, I had a lot of time to talk to the guys in there, and let me tell you, I am sure he truely misses you too. Most of the guys that I watched would come up to me and just talk, cause they offten felt like I was the only one around that would listen to them. True they had girlfriends or wives, but there were a lot of times that they couldn't get a hold of them. I spent many a night walking through the dorm and saw them all crying at one time or another. You have no idea how happy I am to read that you will always stand by your man, cause I know several that don't. Your Jimmy sounds like a wonderful man and keep your chin up for the weekends that you can spend together.

Sky @-->---

saccolette said...

 I remember waiting for my husband while he was doing time.  I use  to write letters to him while I sat in law school night classes.  I had a really good classmate who was a fullback football player, he noticed that I was writing a letter instead of note taking....  He told me that he new I was writing someone in prison and told me he'd keep it quiet. Just wondered how I was coping.... I appreciated that since we were in criminal law and there was so much stereotyping.... .  It's been nearly 19 years and were happy and content. You'll see better days and peaceful nights when he's finally home and I pray that you and he can grow old together as we have remembering only how much we fought to stay together thru hard times.  

nabchelle said...

I don't see how you can even begin to compare waiting on your husband in PRISON to being a military wife. Our husbands go out to defend this country, not make it worse. I have no idea what your husband did to be put into the situation he has, but whatever it was it was his fault. He did not go out and better the country. Our husbands are doing and honorable job, not being criminals. Waiting for my husband who is serving in our military is nothing like you waiting for yours while he does time. And how do you know how long we wait for our husbands? I can't believe that you would even try to compare your wait to ours! That's pathetic!