Tuesday, July 19, 2005

JIMMY'S COMING HOME TOMORROW

IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS, JIMMY WILL BE HOME, HERE WITH ME, ON HIS FIRST FURLOUGH HOME....I AM SO EXCITED, IT IS ALL LIKE A DREAM....ACTUALLY, I FEEL LIKE ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS....ALICE IN WONDERLAND....AND NOW I HAVE COME OUT OF THE LOOKING GLASS....I AM ONCE AGAIN ON THE OTHER SIDE...THAT IS, I AM BACK TO REALITY...THESE PAST 2YEARS 4 MONTHS, HAS NOW SUDDENLY SEEMED LIKE A BAD DREAM...AND NOW, IT IS ALL BEGINNING TO GET BACK TO NORMAL...AFTER ALL. JIMMY BELONGS HERE AT HOME, WITH HIS WIFE....I THINK THESE PAST FEW YEARS I CREATED A WORLD AROUND MYSELF, TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM THE REALITIES OF THIS TERRIBLE PRISON SITUATION...AND NOW, IT IS BEGINNING TO RESOLVE ITSELF...IT IS AS NORMAL AS THE SUN RISES, FOR JIMMY TO WALK THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR TOMORROW...BECAUSE AFTER ALL, HE IS MY HUSBAND....THE MAN WHOM I LOVE SO VERY MUCH...I STOPPED LIVING WHEN JIMMY WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR MARCH 28, 2003...I WAS ALIVE, WITH A HEART THAT BEAT, BUT I WAS ACTUALLY DEAD AT THE SAME TIME...I PROTRCTED MYSELF, FOR MY OWN SURVIVAL PURPOSES, AND CHOSE TO PUT A COCOON AROUND ME....AND YOU ALL WERE HERE TO SHARE IT WITH ME...BECAUSE MY THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND EMOTIONS FLOWED OUT OF ME, INTO MY WRITING...WRITING THIS JLOURNAL,A ND OTHER WRITING I DID, SAVED ME ALL THESE YEARS...AND NOW, MY LIFE IS STARTING TO RETURN TO NORMAL...EVER SO SLOWLY.....A FEW MONTHS A GO , I READ SOMETHING THAT SAYS "GOD WANTS US TO SMILE, " EVEN IF IT HURTS...AND SO, I BEGAN SMILING...IT ACTUALLY HURT THE MUSCLES IN MY FACE, BECAUSE I HAD STOPPED SMILING WHEN JIMMY WENT TO PRISON....NOW I SMILE ALL DAY, AND IT HAS ONCE AGAIN BECOME NORMAL FOR ME....LIFE SEEMS LESS DREADFUL AT THIS POINT, AND I ONCE AGAIN FEEL HAPPY....WHEN JIMMY WENT TO PRISON, I STARTED WEARING ONLY BLACK, AND WORE MY BLACK X JAGUAR CAP , EVERYWHERE I WENT...I ALSO STARTED CARRYING A CANE....NOW, I WILL REVERT BACK TO MY OLD SELF, AND WILL NO LONGER WEAR BLACK.....

AND SO, I'VE BEEN EXCITEDLY GETTING THE HOUSEHOLD READY FOR JIMMY....I BOUGHT HIS FAVORITE FOODS, AND WILL COOK SOME FAVORITE THINGS FOR HIM....I HAVE LITTLE PRESENTS FOR HIM, AND A WELCOME HOME CAKE.....I CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW...THE TIME HAS FINALLY ARRIVED....AND NOW I BEGIN TO EMERGE , AS ALICE, FROM BEHIND THE LOOKING GLASS...INTO THE REAL WORLD...AND IT IS NICE TO BE A PART OF IT...............WITH LOVE, FRAN

PS...HI ANITA!...TALK TO YOU SOON!

3 comments:

derasta said...

Fran I'm so happy for you...and you have thought of everything, presents and cake...he is going to be so happy to his homecoming and being with you again..what a dream come true for you...

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fayeann36 said...

Oh Fran that's great! I'm so happy for you and Jimmy! I come and read your journal every day just waitting for this day to come for you two! I can't wait to hear how everything goes for you two!! :-D   ~ Faye

sugar1337 said...

That's great for you! :)