MISSING JIMMY

AS WITH ANYTHING, THERE IS ALWAYS A PERIOD OF LET-DOWN, AFTER THE HAPPY MOMENT.  THERE ARE JUST NO 2 WAYS ABOUT IT...I NOT ONLY MISS JIMMY, BUT CRAVE HIM IMMENSELY.  SIMCE HE LEFT, HE HAS BEEN CALLING ME  VERY OFTEN, TELLING ME HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME.  ON FRIDAY NIGHT, AT 11 PM, I FOUND MYSELF SUDDENLY CRYING, FOR NO REAL REASON, EXCEPT THAT I MISS JIMMY.  HIS PRESENCE IS STILL HERE IN THE HOUSE, BUT IT IS RIGHT NOW HARDER THAN EVER FOR ME.  JIMMY IS BUSY WITH HIS JOB, AND RIDING A BUS FOR 5 HOURS PER DAY TO GET THERE...I JOKE WITH JIMMY THAT HE HAS DONE MORE TRAVELING IN SOUTH JERSEY   ON THAT BUS, THAN I DID IN TRAVELLING TO 28 COUNTRIES...AND FUNNY THING IS, JIMMY HASN'T GONE ANYWHERE EXCEPT FROM KINTOCK TO ATLANTIC CITY, TO HIS JOB....AND SO, AS I WAS CRYING FOR 1 HOUR STRAIGHT, JIMMY CALLED ME AT 12 MIDNIGHT, BEFORE HE BOARDED THE BUS, BACK TO KINTOCK, AS HE DOES EVERY NITE...I TOLD HIM I HAD FELT SO HAPPY WHEN HE WAS HERE, AND NOW SUDDENLY AGAIN, I FELT SO SAD...SO ALONE.....LIKE I JUST CAN'T BARE IT.  HE COMFORTED ME, AND TOLD ME IT WAS OK...IT IS NORMAL TO FEEL THIS WAY, WITH A HUSBAND IN PRISON...AND SO, HE ALWAYS DRAWS ME OUT OF MY BAD MOOD....JIMMY IS ALWAYS A HAPPY, UP-LOFTED PERSON.  AS FOR ME, I'VE BECOME BORED AND QUIET IN THE HOUSE....NO NEED TO CLEAN, BECAUSE JIMMY LEFT THE PLACE SPOTLESS!...I JUST KINDA SIT AROUND AND THINK...AND DAY DREAM ABOUT JIMMY.  TODAY JIMMY TOLD ME I AM A VERY SEXUAL WOMAN......EVEN JUST MY BREATHING IS SEXUAL....PRETTY GOOD, HEY, GIRLS"!...DOES YOUR MAN TELL YOU THE SAME?!....BET YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT!..........AND YET, THE TRUTH IS, JIMMY DATED MANY, MANY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN BEFORE HE MARRIED ME....THEY WERE TALL, WUTH GOOD FIGURES.....ONE WOMAN WAS EVEN A FORD MODEL.....TROUBLE WAS, HE COULDN'T STAND ANY OF THEM!...THEY MAY AHVE BEEN PRETTY AND NICE TO LOOK AT, AND TAKING THEM ON A DATE WAS OK....BUT NOT A 24/7 THING, LIKE WE HAVE WITH EACH OTHER....AND SO, I WAS THE SHORTEST WOMAN HE EVER DATED  (JIMMY DOESN'T LIKE FOR ME TO SAY I'M SHORT...HE PREFERS THE WORD PETITE....BUT HEY, I AM ONLY 4'11'')....I HAVE JIMMY'S DIARY -BOOK HERE WITH ME.....HE HAS KEPT A LIST OF ALL THE WOMAN HE DATED, WITH THE YEAR NEXT TO THEIR NAME.....I'M AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LIST...IT SAYS  "FRAN   2001"...THE YEAR WE MET AND MARRIED....THERE IS NOTHING LISTED FURTHER...THANK GOD FOR THAT!...........I KNOW THE WOMEN JIMMY DATED...HE SAT AND TOLD ME ALL ABOUT EACH ONE, ACTUALLY....THERE ARE NO SECRETS BETWEEN US....AND I WAS SO HAPPY TO KNOW I HAD MARRIED A "REAL MAN," WHO WAS A TYPICAL BACHELOR AND HAD AN EXTENSIVE DATING HISTORY AT THE AGE OF 45, WHEN I MET HIM.....HE IS VERY "EXPERIENCED," AND I CAN TESTIFY TO THAT!.......WELL NOW, I AM WAITING FOR HIS NEXT FURLOUGH HOME, WHENEVER THAT MAY BE....I HOPE IT IS SOON, BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT JIMMY, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I DID IT ALL THESE YEARS....I THINK I CREATED SOME SORT OF BUBBLE AROUND ME, TO FORGET THAT TIME WAS PASSING....IT IS ALL VERY STRANGE....I THINK I'M BLESSED THAT I CAN EVEN DO THAT....IT IS LIKE I ALMOST ALLOW TIME TO STAND STILL AROUND ME, AS I WAIT FOR MY LOVE TO RETURN....IN THE MEANTIME , EVERYTHING I DO ON A DAILY BASIS IS FOR MY JIMMY, MY PETS, AND MY HOME...I TRY TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE MORE AND MORE SOLID, AS HE DOES THE SAME.....I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, TO ALL THOSE WOMEN WHO ARE AT HOME, WAITING FOR THEIR MAN WHILE HE IS IN PRISON, THAT THE LIFE WE LEAD IS A "BIZARRE life."....OUR LIVES ARE DEFINETLY DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE......I CAN ONLY COMPARE IT SLIGHTLY TO A MILITARY WIFE, WHO WAITS FOR HER HUSBAND TO RETURN FROM WAR...BUT EVEN THOSE WIVES DON'T WAIT AS LONG AS WE DO.....AND SO I WILL CLOSE AND SAY GOOD-NITE WITH THAT THOUGHT.....YES, WE ARE UNIQUE AND DIFFERENT, AND TOGETHER WE WILL STAY STRONG..................FRAN

SHOOTING STARS...COMETS. AND BURSTS OF ENERGY

DID YOU SEE THE SHOOTING STARS...AND COMETS FLYING BY LAST NIGHT?!...DID YOU FEEL THE EVER SO SLIGHT TILT OF THE EARTH ON IT'S AXIS?!......YES, JIMMY AND FRAN WERE TOGETHER LAST NIGHT, ONCE AGAIN, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 YEARS 4 MONTHS.  YES , JIMMY FINALLY HAD HIS FIRST FURLOUGH HOME YESTERDAY...HE ARRIVED HOME AT 5 PM, WEDNESDAY, AND LEFT AT AROUND 7 AM ON THURSDAY...IT TOOK HIM OVER 5 HOURS TO GET HOME, AND I BELIEVE 5 OR 7 HOURS TO GO BACK TO KINTOCK TODAY...

AS JIMMY'S TAXI PULLED UP TO THE FRONT DOOR YESTERDAY, I RAN OUTSIDE TO GREET HIM...WE HUGGED AND KISSED...ALL LIKE A DREAM....AND WALKED INSIDE HOLDING EACH OTHER....MY HUSBAND LOOKED SO GOOD...MORE HANDSOME THAN EVER...THINNER, MORE MUSCULAR...HIS FACE HAPPY AND GLOWING....PRINCE, OUR DOG WENT WILD WHEN HE SAW JIMMY....HE REMEMBERED HIS PAPPA RIGHT AWAY...MISTY AND JIMBO, THE CATS WERE ALL AROUND HIM...MISTY SLEPT ON DADDY'S TUMMY LAST NITE....PRINCE WAS RUNNING AND PRANCING AROUND THE HOUSE ALL NITE....PLAYING WITH JIMMY, AND AS HAPPY AS CAN BE..

JIMMY AND I HAD A LOT TO CATCH UP ON, AS YOU CAN WELL IMAGINE....AND I DON'T MEAN TALKING...SINCE WE TALK EVERYDAY, ANYHOW.....WHEN JIMMY WALKED INTO THE HOUSE, IT WAS AS IF AN ELECTRICAL CURRENT RAN THROUGH THE HOUSE...SUDDENLY THE HOUSE LIT UP. AND ALL WAS AGLOW AND HUMMING!....IT WAS AS IF ZORRO RODE IN, ON HIS HORSE.....IN A FLASH, THE HOUSEHOLD  LIT UP...DADDY WAS HOME, ONCE AGAIN!...

JIMMY PUT ON EVERY LIGHT IN THE HOUSE....THE TV...OPENED THE WINDOWS...LOOKED AT EVERYTHING....I HAD COOKED LOTS OF FOOD...SO WE ATE, AND MADE LOVE...AND ATE AND MADE LOVE....AND DID THAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN ALL NITE.....HE IS EVEN MORE WONDERFUL THAN THE DAY I MARRIED HIM.....JIMMY AND I ARE WONDERFUL COMPANIONS TOGETHER, AND WE NEVER, EVER TIRE OF EACH OTHER....HE TOLD ME I WAS EVEN MORE INTERESTING THAN THE DAY HE MET ME.....WE STAYED AT EACH OTHERS SIDE EVERY MOMENT (WELL, I LET HIM GO TO THE BATHROOM ALONE)....JIMMY IS A VERY CONSTRUCTIVE MAN...HE QUICKLY TOOK INVENTORY OF THE HOUSEHOLD, AND SAW WHAT HAD TO BE DONE....HE FIXED THIS COMPUTER....ORGANIZED THE COMPUTER ROOM....PUT LIGHTBULBS ON THE CEILING LIGHTS...FIXED S FEW ELECTICAL OUTLETS.....WASHED HIS SNEAKERS.....FIXED THE DIGITAL CABLE TV..WENT OVER PAPERWORK WITH ME.....AND SHAMPOOED THE LIVING ROOM CARPET...YES, HE SURE DID....HE HAS A LIST OFTHINGS FOR HIS NEXT VISIT HOME, SO HE CAN HELP HIS POOR WIFE TO GET THIS HOUSE IN SHAPE...ACTUALLY JIMMY COMPLIMENTED ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN....HE TOLD ME I HAD DONE A FINE JOB FIXING UP THE HOUSEHOLD, AND KEEPING IT TIDY...HE SAID OUR HOME HAD A "HOMEY" FEELING TO IT , WITH A WOMANLY TOUCJ TO IT...HE TOLD ME, THAT WHEN HE LEFT ON MARCH 28, 2003, I WAS A VERY FRAIL WOMAN, AND NOW I HAVE BECOME AMAZINGLY STRONGER....HE SAID I HAVE IMMENSE ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS, THAT ACTUALLY COME NATURAL TO ME....I AM ALWAYS ORGANIZING THINGS, KEEPING LISTS, AND KEEPING THINGS IN ORDER.....AND SO, WHILE HE FIXED THINGS, I COOKED...SAUSAGE AND PEPPERS WHEN HE GOT HOME....STEAK AND PASTA LATER IN THE EVENING....ICED TEA, ICED COFFEE.....SALAD...JELLO AND WHIPPED CREAM.....IN THE MORNING BACON AND EGGS AND HOT COFFEE...........IT WAS ALL VERY QUICK...VERY FAST....MY HUSBAND IS A VERY QUICK MAN....(except when making love).....JIMMY SLEPT 3 HOURS...I HARDLY SLEPT. BUT WOULD SIT BY HIM WATCHING HIM SLEEP......WE FEEL ASLEEP IN EACH OTHERS ARMS...AND LET ME TELL YOU, JIMMY IS A VERY STRONG MAN....I JUST LOVE IT!............

AND SO WE DID MORE THAN MOST WOULD DO IN A WEEK OR MORE.....AND NOW THE HOUSE HAS A DIFFERENT, HAPPY FEEL TO IT....NOW THAT JIMMY CAME HOME....MORNING CAME ALL TOO SOON..........PRINCE ACTUALLY STARTED CRYING AS DADDY WALKED OUT THE DOOR...HE GAVE HIS HIGH PITCHED WHINE.....TODAY, PRINCE AND I SLEPT ALL DAY...TIRED NUT HAPPY....AND MY POOR BABY RODE THE 5-7 HOUR JOURNEY BACK TO KINTOCK...FROM THERE HE TOOK THE 2 AND 1/2 HOUR BUS TRIP TO HIS JOB IN ATLANTIC CITY..........HE HAS CALLED ME TWICE, AND WE ARE SO VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.

I WISH ALL THE WORLD TO BE AS HAPPY AS WE ARE  IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS...YES, ALL YOU PRISON WIVES...IT CAN BE DONE........REMAIN DEVOTED, FAITHFUL...HAVE FAITH AND HOPE IN YOUR MAN.....WHILE YOU ARE AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, WORK ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP VIA MAIL, PHONE AND VISITS....IF YOU ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER, IT WILL BE SO, AND GROW STRONGER, DESPITE PRISON......PRAY FOR YOUR MAN, YOUR RELATIONSHIP, YOURSELF, AND PRAY FOR INNER STRENGTH AND GUIDANCE FROM ABOVE.....AND SO, IT WILL BE...............WITH LOVE, FRAN

PS...one little secret about jimmy.....he never has taken, nor does he need, viagra............and my baby proved it last nite......

JIMMY'S COMING HOME TOMORROW

IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS, JIMMY WILL BE HOME, HERE WITH ME, ON HIS FIRST FURLOUGH HOME....I AM SO EXCITED, IT IS ALL LIKE A DREAM....ACTUALLY, I FEEL LIKE ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS....ALICE IN WONDERLAND....AND NOW I HAVE COME OUT OF THE LOOKING GLASS....I AM ONCE AGAIN ON THE OTHER SIDE...THAT IS, I AM BACK TO REALITY...THESE PAST 2YEARS 4 MONTHS, HAS NOW SUDDENLY SEEMED LIKE A BAD DREAM...AND NOW, IT IS ALL BEGINNING TO GET BACK TO NORMAL...AFTER ALL. JIMMY BELONGS HERE AT HOME, WITH HIS WIFE....I THINK THESE PAST FEW YEARS I CREATED A WORLD AROUND MYSELF, TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM THE REALITIES OF THIS TERRIBLE PRISON SITUATION...AND NOW, IT IS BEGINNING TO RESOLVE ITSELF...IT IS AS NORMAL AS THE SUN RISES, FOR JIMMY TO WALK THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR TOMORROW...BECAUSE AFTER ALL, HE IS MY HUSBAND....THE MAN WHOM I LOVE SO VERY MUCH...I STOPPED LIVING WHEN JIMMY WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR MARCH 28, 2003...I WAS ALIVE, WITH A HEART THAT BEAT, BUT I WAS ACTUALLY DEAD AT THE SAME TIME...I PROTRCTED MYSELF, FOR MY OWN SURVIVAL PURPOSES, AND CHOSE TO PUT A COCOON AROUND ME....AND YOU ALL WERE HERE TO SHARE IT WITH ME...BECAUSE MY THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND EMOTIONS FLOWED OUT OF ME, INTO MY WRITING...WRITING THIS JLOURNAL,A ND OTHER WRITING I DID, SAVED ME ALL THESE YEARS...AND NOW, MY LIFE IS STARTING TO RETURN TO NORMAL...EVER SO SLOWLY.....A FEW MONTHS A GO , I READ SOMETHING THAT SAYS "GOD WANTS US TO SMILE, " EVEN IF IT HURTS...AND SO, I BEGAN SMILING...IT ACTUALLY HURT THE MUSCLES IN MY FACE, BECAUSE I HAD STOPPED SMILING WHEN JIMMY WENT TO PRISON....NOW I SMILE ALL DAY, AND IT HAS ONCE AGAIN BECOME NORMAL FOR ME....LIFE SEEMS LESS DREADFUL AT THIS POINT, AND I ONCE AGAIN FEEL HAPPY....WHEN JIMMY WENT TO PRISON, I STARTED WEARING ONLY BLACK, AND WORE MY BLACK X JAGUAR CAP , EVERYWHERE I WENT...I ALSO STARTED CARRYING A CANE....NOW, I WILL REVERT BACK TO MY OLD SELF, AND WILL NO LONGER WEAR BLACK.....

AND SO, I'VE BEEN EXCITEDLY GETTING THE HOUSEHOLD READY FOR JIMMY....I BOUGHT HIS FAVORITE FOODS, AND WILL COOK SOME FAVORITE THINGS FOR HIM....I HAVE LITTLE PRESENTS FOR HIM, AND A WELCOME HOME CAKE.....I CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW...THE TIME HAS FINALLY ARRIVED....AND NOW I BEGIN TO EMERGE , AS ALICE, FROM BEHIND THE LOOKING GLASS...INTO THE REAL WORLD...AND IT IS NICE TO BE A PART OF IT...............WITH LOVE, FRAN

PS...HI ANITA!...TALK TO YOU SOON!

UNEXPECTED GOOD NEWS

IT'S 3:30 AM...JIMMY JUST CALLED ME A FEW MINUTES AGO...HIS VOICE WAS SHAKING...AS HE GOT BACK FROM WORK, TO KINTOCK, HE WAS HANDED AN OFFICIAL LETTER...IT LOOKS LIKE GOOD NEWS...WE WILL KNOW ON MONDAY...IT IS ALL UNEXPECTED AND SUDDEN...I FEEL LIKE THIS IS ALL A DREAM NOW...I GUESS IT WILL BE A LONG WEEK-END....FRAN

WAITING PATIENTLY

I'M STILL WAITING....YOU MAY WANT TO CLICK ON THE COMMENT IN THE LAST ENTRY...IT IS FROM SOMEONE WHOSE FIANCE IS COMING HOME...I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU, LAURA...AND YES, THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL...ENJOY HIS RETURN HOME!.....FRAN

HI

JUST STOPPING BY FOR A QUICK HELLO....IY WAS JIMMY'S DAY OFF...HE CALLED ME AROUND 4 TIMES...IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE, BUT THERE WAS AN INSPECTION, SO HE HJAD TO STAY IN HIS ROOM....HE CALLED ME AN HOUR AGO, AND WILL CALL ME ONE MORE TIME, VERY SOON....TO WHISPER SWEET WORDS OF LOVE IN MY EAR.....FRAN

DEAR "AFRAID AND LONELY"

DEAR 'AFRAID AND LONELY,"

(FROM THE COMMENT ON JULY 6 ENTRY)

YOU ARE NOT ALONE...WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU. YOU AND I ARE ONE OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WITH LOVED ONES IN PRISON.  THERE ARE AROUND 2 MILLION PRISONERS IN OUR COUNTRY....IMAGINE JUST HOW MANY LOVED ONES ARE AT HOME WAITING?  YES, YOU ARE UNDER STRESS..IT IS NORMAL AT THIS TIME TO BE UNDER TREMENDOUS AMOUNTS OF STRESS...WHEN WE GO OUT IN PUBLIC, WE MUST SMILE, WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD...DAYS COME AND GO...OUR SOCIETY SEEMS BUILT AROUND HOLIDAYS...AND YET, WE MUST SMILE, AND ACT LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG....MANY WIVES LEAD SECRETIVE AND UNUSUAL LIVES AS THEY WAIT.  THEY ARE CAUGHT UP IN A WEB OF EMOTIONS.  AND SO, I BEG YOU, TO PLEASE HOLD ON, AS YOU ARE A GOOD WOMAN TO WAIT AND REMAIN FAITHFUL TO YOUR HUSBAND....I WISH I HAD THE MAGICAL WORDS FOR YOU...BUT I DON'T...KEEP TRYING AMD KEEP PRAYING, AND MAYBE ONE DAY THE WORLD WILL MAKE SENSE...AS FOR POINTERS....I ALWAYS TRIED TO IMMERSE MYSELF IN PROJECTS....WHEN THE PHONE WAS BLOCKED, I WOULD SING AND TALK AND CRY INTO A TAPE RECORDER, TALKING TO MY HUSBAND....I HAVE AROUND 15 TAPES I MADE, AND MY HUSBAND HAS HEARD SOME OF THEM.....I ALSO STARTED SINGING ALOT, AND BECAME ONE WITH THE MUSIC....PRISON COULD NOT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME....AND I DANCED AROUND THE HOUSE, IN TUNE WITH THE MUSIC TO GET MY EMOTIONS OUT.....I STARTED WRITING, WHICH I ENJOYED DOING......I KEPT THE HOUSEHOLD GOING, AND EVERYTHING I DID WAS FOR JIMMY....I LAID IN BED FOR 2 YEARS 4 MONTHS, AND FANTASIZED ABOUT HIM EVERYNIGHT....AND SO, SOMEHOW THE TIME PASSED.....IT NOW SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY HE WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR.  WHEN JIMMY LEFT ON MARCH 28, 2003, OUR DOG PRINCE SAT ON THE SOFA CHAIR IN THE ENCLOSED FRONT PORCH, AND WATCHED HIS DADDY WALK OUT THE FRONT DOOR....PRINCE DID NOT LEAVE THAT PORCH UNTIL SEVERAL WEEKS LATER....HE WAS PEPLEXED, BECAUSE HIS DADDY DID NOT RETURN HOME....JIMMY IS THE ALPHA IN OUR HOUSEHOLD....AT THAT TIME, PRINCE WAS SECOND AND I WAS THIRD ON THE TOTUM POLE, BUT I HAVE BECOME THE ALPHA SINCE JIMMY LEFT....I HAD TO START FEEDING PRINCE ON THE PORCH, OR ELSE HE WOULD HAVE STARVED HIMSLF TO DEATH, BECAUSE HE STOPPED EATING AND JUST WOULDN;T LEAVE HIS CHAIR....IF A POOR DOG FEELS THAT WAY, IMAGINE HOW WE HUMANS FEEL.  AND SO, I WISH YOU THE BEST...TRY TO BE STRONG...AND KEEP CALLING THE PHONE COMPANIES TO GET THAT BLOCK REMOVED....CALL THE SPECIAL PRISON PHONE COMPANY, AND THE REGULAR PHONE COMPANY....

WELL, AS FOR ME, I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE JUMMY SOON, I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP....I BOUGHT HIM SOME NEW TOWELS, AND SOAP.  I ASKED HIM WHAT KIND OF SHAVING CREAM AND RAZOR HE WANTS ME TO GET HIM....HE SAID, "I;LL USE THE ONE I HAVE AT HOME."  I LAUGHED.  "JIMMY, I SAID, THAT RAZOR IS CORRODED, AND THE CAN OF SHAVING CREAM IS RUSTED. ..IT IS 2 YEAES, 4 MONTHS SINCE YOU LEFT...AND SO WE LAUGHED TOGETHER ABOUT THAT.....ACTUALLY JIMMY SAYS HE WANTS NOTHING, ONLY ME....

DID ANYONE WATCH ON MSNBC, ON SATURDAY  NITE, THE SPECIAL; REPORT ON PRISONS....I WATCHED IT FOR 4 HOURS, AND I BELIEVE IT CONTINUED FOR SEVERAL MORE HOURS...IT WAS VERY INFORMATIVE AND EDUCATIONAL...HOWEVER, IT WAS VERY GRAPHIC...IT WAS ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF INSIDE THE PRISONS IN SAN QUENTIN AND OTHER L.A. PRISONS.....GUATDS AND PRISONERS WERE INTERVIEWED.....TE UNSIDE OF THE PRISON WAS SHPWM...THE CELLS...WEA]ONS THAT ARE MADE BY PRISONERS WERE SHOWN...I COULD GO ON AND ON..........IF ANYONE IS THINKING OF COMMOTTING A CRIME, I HOPE YOU WATCHED THAT SPECIAL...I KNOW IT WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND, AND GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES FOR A LONG TIME.  AFTER 4 HOURS, I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE....I WAS MWSMERIZED BY THE SHOW, AND WHEN JIMMY CALLED, HE FOUND ME CRYNG , AS I WAS WATCHING IT.  LATER, WHEN HE CALLED ME AT 3 AM FROM KINTOCK, I TALKED TO HIM ABOUT THE SHOW, AND TOLD HIM EXACTLY WHAT I HAD LEARNED......HE WAS SURPRISED IT WAS SUCH AN INTENSE SHOW....

WELL, I'LL SAY GOOD NITE FOR NOW...SORRY IF I MADE LOTS OF MISTAKES...MY VISION IS WORSE THAN EVER, AS OF LATE....I CAN BARELY SEE THE COMPUTER SCREEN....IT IS LIKE A FILM IS OVER MY EYES....I KEEP TELLING JIMMY MY EYES HAVE GOTTEN WORSE, BUT HE STILL BELIEVES THAT I WILL GET BETTER ONE DAY....WHEN I AM OUT IN PUBLIC, I NO  LONGER SEE THE FACES OF PEOPLE, UNLESS THEY ARE ON TOP OF ME....WELL. SUCH IS LIFE, I GUESS.............WITH LOVE, FRAN

MORE GOOD NEWS!

THIS TIME I HAVE REALLY GOOD NEWS!....THE SENIOR PAROLE OFFICER CALLED ME PROMPTLY AT 10 AM, ON THURSDAY MORNING.  SHE APOLIGIZED FOR NOT GETTING BACK TO ME SOONER.  SHE WAS REALLY VERY NICE TO ME ON THE PHONE...I GUESS I GOT OVER THE FEAR OF TALKING TO A PAROLE OFFICER...AS I HAVE NEVER SPOKEN TO ONE BEFORE, AND JUST THE WORD ALONE MAKES ME FEARFUL.  ANYHOW, SHE SIMPLY ASKED ME A FEW QUESTIONS, LIKE...DO I LIVE ALONE...DO I WANT MY HUSBAND TO RETURN HERE, AND ARE THERE WEAPOMS IN THE HOUSE.  ...AND SO, SHE SAID SHE WILL NOW FAX THE PAPERS TO KINTOCK, AND HIS FURLOUGH WILL BE GRANTED  SOON.  I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED, I FEEL LIKE A NEW PERSON....ACTUALLY, I FEEL LIKE THE OLD PERSON I ONCE WAS...LIFE FEELS LIGHTER, AND NOT SO DRASTIC...I HAVE MORE FAITH AGAIN, AND ONCE AGAIN FEEL STRONG  TONITE I'VE BEEN SHINING UP THE HOUSE FOR JIMMY...JUST AS HE LIKES IT...CLEANING THE STOVE, KITCHEN CABINETS, FRIDGE....CLEANING AND WIPING, AND GETTING RID OF THE OLD, TO WELCOME THE NEW....I EVEN TOOK THE WELCOME SIGN, AND PUT IT ON THE FRONT PORCH.  TOMORROW I WILL GO SHOPPING AND BUY 2 NEW PILLOWS FOR JIMMY (ALTHOUGH I SLEEP WITH 8 PILLOWS RIGHT NOW), A NEW BATH TOWEL, A WASHCLOTH, AND SOME TOILETRIES HE WILL NEED.  JIMMY SAYS HE DOESN'T NEED A PILLOW...HE WILL SLEEP ON ME....AND I KNOW HE WILL!....BUT MY POOR BABY HAS SUFFERED FOR SO LONG SLEEPING ON THOSE HARD, TERRIBLE BEDS...SO I WANT HIM TO BE COMFORTABLE...MY HUSBAND CAN ACTUALLY SLEEP ANYWHERE, AND HE JUST LOVES THE FLOOR....WELL, I'LL SAY GOOD-NITE, AS HE WILL CALL SOON, AT 3 AM, WHEN HE ARRIVES AT KINTOCK.  I FEEL SO DIFFERENT, AND HAVE BUTTERLIES IN MY TUMMY, AND I FEEL ALMOST LIKE IT IS THE FIRST TIME WE MET...I FIND IT ALL VERY EXCITING!...........LOVE, FRAN

TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY

I'M SITTING HERE SIPPING ON A CUP OF PEPPERMIMNT TEA....THE DOG AND 2 CATS SLEEP IN THE OTHER BEDROOM....SOON I'LL GO TO SLEEP MYSELF, BUT WILL FIRST SEE IF THERE IS A GOOD MOVIE ON CABLE...ON-DEMAND.  (IN THE PAST 8 MONTHS I'VE WATCHED OVER 50 MOVIES....I KEEP THEM WRITTEN IN A NOTEBOOK, AND WILL SHOW JIMMY WHEN HE COMES HOME, SO WE CAN WATCH SOME OF THEM TOGETHER).  WELL, I WAITED THIS LONG WEEKEND, TO CALL THE PAROLE OFFICER.  I HAD MY ALARM CLOCK SET FOR 10 AM...I GOT UP AND CALLED HER, AND GOT HER VOICE- MAIL BOX...I LEFT A MESSAGE, AND THEN AT 4 PM, I CALLED AGAIN.  SOMEONE ANSWERED, AND SAID SHE WAS NOT IN HER OFFICE TODAY...AND SO, LIFE GOES ON, ONCE AGAIN...I WILL GET UP AT 10 AM TOMORROW, AND CALL HER AGAIN....I FIND THE WHOLE SYSTEM VERY STRANGE....WHEN SHE CAME HERE ON FRIDAY, SHE NEVER RANG THE DOOR BELL, AND SHE LEFT THIS NOTICE, NOT IN AN ENVELOPE, BUT  ROLLED UP AND PUT IN THE HANDLE OF MY SCREEN DOOR....IT WAS LEFT AT MY BACK DOOR, AND THANK GOD I GET THE NEWSPAPER DELIVERED THERE, OTHER WISE I WOULD NEVER EVEN OPEN THAT DOOR.  ALSO, I THANK GOD I NEVER GO AWAY FROM MY HOME FOR A FEW DAYS...IF I HAD GONE ON SOME MINI-VACATION, I WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN THE NOTICE, AND IT SAYS SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT THAT IF I DO NOT CALL ON TUESDAY BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 10 AM AND 12 N, THAT MY HUSBAND'S FURLOUGH WOULD BE JEOPARDIZED....I'M NOT COMPLAINING, ONLY SHARING MY THOUGHTS WITH YOU....THAT SO MANY STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU ARE ASSOCIATED WITH THE PENAL SYSTEM....I BET A LOT OF YOU HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO SIMILAR THINGS....WELL ANYHOW, I AM TOTALLY DEDICATED TO MY HUSBAND, AND SO I AM HERE, WAITING FOR PAROLE TO COME HERE.  THEY WILL FIND I LIVE IN A VERY NICE HOUSE, WITHIN A VERY NICE COMMUNITY....THEY HAVE TO PASS THROUGH THE SECURITY GUARDS, AND GATES, AND ANNOUNCE WHO THEY ARE HERE TO SEE....THEY WILL SEE WE LIVE IN A PARK-LIKE SETTING, WITH LOTS OF TREES, WOODS, AND PARK BENCHES....FLOWERS ARE ALL AROUND, AND SQUIRRELS DASH ABOUT...IT IS VERY SERENE HERE....WELL, JIMMY CALLED ME AT 12 MIDNIGHT TONITE, AS HE DOES EVERY NITE, TO TELL ME HE IS LEAVING THE STORE, AND ON HIS WAY TO THE BUS....HE WILL ARRIVE BACK IN KINTOCK AT 3 AM, AT WHICH TIME HE CALLS ME, AND WE USUALLY TALK FOR A LONG TIME, AS HE IS RELAXED AFTER WORKING...HIS NEXT CALL COMES TO ME, AT 11:20 AM, FROM THE BUS STOP, ON HIS WAY TO ATLANTIC CITY, HIS JOB, IN THE FOOD STORE.HE ALWAYS SAYS THAT TALKING TO ME GIVES HIM STRENGTH...ON HIS DAY OFF LAST SUNDAY, HE CALLED ME 7 OR 8 TIMES....ONE OF THE FELLOW RESIDENTS EVEN COMMENTED THAT "YOU TALK TO YOUR WIFE SO MUCH,  I ONLY CALL MY WIFE ONCE A WEEK."   WELL, THAT IS HOW WE ARE...WE STAY VERY CONNECTED...WELL, I'LL SAY GOOD-MITE, AND I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WITH PAROLE!......FRAN

I HAVE THE BEST NEWS!

YESTERDAY, ON JULY 1ST, MY 52ND BIRTHDAY, I HAD THE BEST NEWS, THAT I EVER RECEIVED IN MY WHOLE LIFE!...........THE PAROLE OFFICER CAME TO THE HOUSE TO APPROVE JIMMY'S FIRST FURLOUGH HOME!....THEY CAME HERE UNEXPECTEDLY, AND DID NOT RING THE DOOR-BELL...WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR, TO GET THE NEWSPAPER, THEY HAD LEFT AN OFFICIAL LETTER FOR ME.  I HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED TO CALL THE PAROLE OFFICER ON TUESDAY.  YOU SEE, PAROLE HAS TO VERIFY YOUR ADDRESS, AND MAKE  SURE THE PERSON HAS A PLACE TO RETURN TO.....SO, WE ARE SO VERY HAPPY.....WE FIGURE MAYBE THE FOLLOWING WEEK HE WILL BE GRANTED THE FURLOUGH HOME....IT WILL HOPEFULLY BE FOR 2 DAYS.....JIMMY IS ALL EXCITED, AND ALREADY TALKING ABOUT WHAT HE WILL DO WHEN HE GETS HERE...AND WHAT FOOD HE WILL BE COOKING!...BEFORE JIMMY TURNED HIMSELF INTO JAIL, WE WERE SHOPPING IN A DOLLAR STORE TOGETHER, AND SAW A "WELCOME HOME"  SIGN.  WE BOUGHT IT, AND I'VE KEPT IT IN THE CLOSET SINCE THAT TIME...IT IS NOW 28 MONTHS LATER, AND I CAN FINALLY TAKE IT OUT OF THE CLOSET, AND HANG IT ON THE DOOR OF THE HOUSE...TRUTHFULLY, I THOUGHT THAT DAY WOULD NEVER COME, BUT NOW UNBELIEVABLY, IT IS FAST APPROACHING!....IT IS ALL LIKE A DREAM...IT IS AS IF TIME HAS STOOD STILL FOR ME...I AM STILL THE SAME PERSON I WAS THE DAY JIMMY WALKED OUT OF THIS DOOR....IT IS PROBABLY AN UNUSUAL, PHENOMINAL THING, WHERE PEOPLE MENTALLY "LOCK" THERE BRAINS IN TO BELIEVING THAT TIME IS STANDING STILL...MY LIFE STOPPED THE DAY JIMMY LEFT HERE, AND NOW, IT WILL SOON PROCEED ON WARD, AGAIN...I WONDER IF REASEARCH HAS BEEN DONE ABOUT THIS.  IT IS AN A PHENOMENAL OCCURANCE, WHERE YOU STOP LIVING, IN A WORLD THAT IS MOVING ON...I BET THIS HAPPENS TO MANY PEOPLE IN OUR SOCIETY THAT WE ARE UNAWARE OF...LIKE PEOPLE THAT ARE THE FAMILY OF MISSING PEOPLE AND CHILDREN.  THEY BECOME STUCK IN TIME, AND CANNOT PROCEED AHEAD..IT IS A VERY FUNNY FEELING, UNLESS YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS EXPERIENCE...AND NOW, I FEEL I AM BEING RELEASED, AND CAN BEGIN TO GO AHEAD WITH LIFE......LOVE TO ALL, THAT HAVE READ THIS JOURNAL, AND HAVE BEEN SUPPORTIVE OF ME, THROUGHOUT THE YEARS....(OR IS IT YEARS, BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY, THAT JIMMY LEFT).............FRAN