Monday, March 29, 2004

He Did His Time, And I Did Mine At Home

And so, I sat in silence, looking at the 4 walls, after Jimmy left.  I didn't even cry, until days or weeks later. I kept the house silent.  Prince sat on the covered front porch, and rarely came in the house.  His appetite diminished.  He was depressed.  After all, his "ALPHA" had left. He had seen Jimmy walk out the front door.  And now, Prince's role was to protect me. And that's just what he did.  And to this day, no one can get within 5 ft. of me. He is growling and ready to attack. This is actually a good thing for me, a woman living alone. And then, I started lashing out at Jimmy.  Writing him how much I hated him.  I never actually hated him.  I just needed someone to lash out to. And on the phone, he would say, "IT'S OK, Fran, you have every right to hate me. I've done a terrible thing to you.  But I still love you, no matter what terrible things you may say." And terrible, they were. I used every curse word there was.  Jimmy always says, i have the face of an angel, but can tell someone off in a minute, if i need to.  And so, Jimmy became like a father to me...listening to me, as I cried and carried on...he stood there strong, like a steel wall, comforting me that my emotions were normal, and he would help me thru it. And so time went on. I took control of the house and myself.  I started losing weight. I controlled my diet. I lost a total of 70lbs. in 7 months. That is really a lot, I've read. It is almost impossible to do so fast. I maintaained my weight thru the winter, and now have lost 5 more, making it 75 lbs. I catgorized everything in the house. I kept strict records of everything. Every piece of paper, mail, receipt, was filed away. Today I must have 30 files here, 5 boxes. Every photo was put in albums. We have around 30 photo albums. I have kept in boxes every letter, card and newspaper article Jimmy sent me. I sang and my voice improved, and I recorded 15 tapes of my voice......I sing and talk to Jimmy. I began to write and send in stories and poems for publication.  I also like to walk outside.And so, that is how I've spent my "TIME" this past year....And , if you haven't already guessed, I love my JIMMY more than anything!

2 comments:

dakotarose2852 said...

And I think your Jimmy loves you very much, too. What a good, understanding, wise man he is. A love like this doesn't happen very often. You two were destined to find each other.
Susan

crystalmoon222 said...

THANX , DAKOTA....JIMMY IS A WISE MAN. WE FEEL OUR LOVE AND MARRIAGE WAS BOUGHT ABOUT BY GOD, HIMSELF. OUR FINDING ONE ANOTHER, MARRIAGE,LOVE,SEPERATION THRU PRISON...ONLY GOD COULD HAVE DONE THIS. WE ALSO FEEL OUR PURPOSE HERE, ON THIS EARTH, IS TO HELP OTHERS, THRU OUR EXPERIENCES!!!!!!!