Wednesday, June 29, 2005

LIFE GOES ON.

HERE IT IS, THE END OF JUBE, AMD I'M STILL SITTING HERE WAITING AROUND FOR JIMMY.  FRIDAY, JULY 1ST WILL BE MY THIRD BIRTHDAY, WITHOUT JIMMY.  THE FIRST 2 YEARS, MY AUNT AND SISTER CALLED ME WEEKS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY, AND TOOK ME OUT TO DINNER, ALONMG WITH BALLOONS, CAKE, CANDLES, AND PRESENTS...THIS YEAR, I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM THEM.  WHAT MOST PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND, THAT A WIFE WHOSE HUSBANMD IS IN PRISON, IS VERY DEPRESSED THE FIRST YEAR, NO LESS THE SECOND.  BUT AS YOU MOVE INTO THE THIRD YEAR, YOU ARE TOTLLY ISOLATED, AND WOULD REALLY LIKE PEOPLE TO HELP YOU OUT OF THE DEPRESSED LIFE YOU HAVE EMERGED INTO.  WHEN YOUR HUSBAND GOES TO PRISON, YOU GO THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS.  THE GREIVING PROCESS IS NOT ONLY FOR THE DEATH, OR EVEN DIVORCE OF PEOPLE.  IT CAN PERTAIN TO ANY LOSS IN YOUR LIFE.  IT IS NORMAL TO GO THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS...WHAT I'VE READ, IS THAT IT MAY LAST 6 MONTHS, BUT MORE THAN THAT IT IS NOT GOOD...AND SO, YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW IT IS TO REMAIN 2 YEARS 3 MONTHS WITHIN THE GRIEVING PROCESS.  WHAT I'VE READ , IS THAT GRIEF LEADS TO DESPAIR, LEADS TO DEPRESSION, AND THEN UBFORTUNATELY CA LEAD TO SUICIDE, IF IT GOES ON TOO LONG.  AS FOR ME, I STILL GRIVE THAT MY HUSBAND IS NOT HERE WITH ME, BUT I'VE SOMEHOW BEEN ABLE TO PU;; MUSELF OUT OF THE SLUMP OF LIOFE, AND PROCEED ON...I BUSYMYSELF WITH THINGS, AND TRY AS BEST TO ORGANIZE MY LIFE...TALKING IN THIS JOUIRNAL HELPS ME.  ALSO, I AM HAPPY TO HELP OTHERS WHO READ THIS AND GO THREW THE SAME PROCESS I DO.  HOWEVER, THE WORDS 'HAVING A GOOD TIME," DO NOT EXIST IN MY VOCABULARY, RIGHT NOW.  I FELL THAT I WOULD DISRESPECT MY HUSBAND TO "HAVE A GOOD TIME,"  AND NO ONE PLEASES ME MORE THAN BEING WITH MY HUSBAND, ANYHOW.  SO, FOR ME, PLEASURE IS KEEPING THE HOUSEHOLD GOING, KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH MY HUBBY, AND RIGHT NOW WITING FOR THE PAROLE BOARD TO CALL ME, SO HE CAN START HIS FURLOUGHS HOME.  DAWN, IN RESPONSE TO YOUR COMMENT, JIMMY HAD TO SEND TO THE PAROLE BOARD, A SMALL FEE TO PROCESS HIS PAPERS FOR HIS FURLOUGHS HOME TO BEGIN....I BELIEVE IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE 14 DOLLARS.  NOW, HERE IS A BIT OF INFORMATION YOU MAY BE SURPRISED TO HEAR, AS TO EXACTLY WHAT GOES ON IN OUR PENAL SYSTEM....JIMMY HAS TO PAY KINTOCK, THE HALF-WAY HOUSE WHERE HE STAYS, A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF MONEY FROM HIS PAYCHECKS...I WILL NOT SAY EXACRLY HOW MUCH, BUT IT IS OVER 100 DOLLARS EACH PAYCHECK....I GUESS HE IS PAYING FOR HIS ROOM AND BOARD...OH WELL...LEFE GOES ON....I DON'T WRITE TOO MUCH ON THE COMPUTER ANYMORE BECAUSE IT IS STILL NOT SET UP FOR ME PROPERLY , YET...I WILL TRY TO FIX THINGS.....WITH LOVE, AND HOPE ALL IS WELL IN YORE LIVES...KEEP RADING MY THOUGHTS!..........fran

2 comments:

cmj0609 said...

Fran,
I know that times are tough right now; just hang in there... hopefully things will be better soon. If you need to talk to someone, please email or IM me.
Jackie

sugar1337 said...

I hope your family does come through for you though and does something nice for your bday.