NOT THIS WEEK

JIMMY COULDN'T COME HOME THIS WEEK.  AS PER KINTOCK, THE HALF-WAY HOUSE, HE IS NOW ALLOWED TO COME HOME EVERYWEEK...BUT NOW, ACCORDING TO HIS JOB, HE COULDN'T GET A DAY OFF THIS WEEK....WELL, I GUESS WE JUST DON'T WIN IN LIFE....SOMETHING OR OTHER IS ALWAYS HAPPENING IN THE FOODSTORE WJERE JIMMY WORKS AS ASSISTANT MANAGER...HE HAS A GREAT RESPONSIBLITY THERE....PEOPLE WALK OFF THE JOB, OR JUST PLAIN QUIT, FOR NO REASON...AND JIMMY HAS TO COVER THE STORE WHEN THESE SORT OF THINGS HAPPEN, UNEXPECTEDLY...SO OF COURSE, TODAY I SAID TO JIMMY..."AND NOW YOU ARE MARRIED TO YOUR JOB."...WELL, HE DIDN'T LIKE ME SAYING THAT AT ALL..........AND SO. I JUST SIT HERE...BORED...AND GO ON WITH LIFE....DOING THE ACTIVITIES OF DAILY LIVING,,,TALKING TO JIMMY ON THE PHONE...AND WELL, SURVIVING, I GUESS..............AS FOR THOSE PEOPLE IN HIS STORE, WHO JUST WALK OFF THE JOB, AS IF IT IS  NOTHING...WELL, LET ME TELL YOU, WITH THAT ATTITUDE AND APPROACH TO LIFE, THEY WILL NEVER PROGRESS....NO MATTER WHAT JOB ONE HAS, HE SHOULD TAKE PRIDE IN THAT JOB.........WHEN YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL, AS I HAVE BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE, YOU JUST CAN'T GET UP AND WALK OFF THE JOB...YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITY, AND AS AN RN, YOU COULD  LOSE YOUR LICENSE, (FOR ABANDONEMENT OF PATIENTS),  AND YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME SORT OF WORK ETHIC ENGRAVED IN YOU, ANYHOW....MAYBE THAT'S WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD TODAY...NOBODY CARES FOR THEIR JOB...WELL, ONE SHOULD HAVE SOME SORT OF PRIDE AND HAPPINESS WHEN WORKING........WITH MY HUSBAND, THEY CALL HIM IN ON HIS DAY OFF, AND HE DROPS EVERYTHING, AND GOES RUNNING....JIMMY IS JUST MADE FOR A MANAGERIAL POSITION, AND THAT IS HIS STRENGTH........AND HE RUNS HIS STORE LIKE A SHIP........

JIMMY TOLD ME THESE FEW STORIES THE OTHER DAY, AND I'D LIKE TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU......

A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO, A MAN CAME INTO THE STORE AND WANTED TO RETURN SEVERAL PACKAGES OF FROZEN FISH, AND GET HIS MONEY BACK......THE PACKAGES WERE ALL UNFROZEN, AND THE BOXES DISHEVELED......THE MAN APPARENTLY WAS HIGH OR DRUNK, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.......WHEN JIMMY REFUSED TO ACCEPT THEM BACK, THIS MAN THREW THE PACKAGES AT JIMMY'S HEAD..........WELL JIMMY PICKED UP THE PHONE, AND CALLED THE POLICE......THE POLICE CAME, HAND-CUFFED THIS INDIVIDUAL AND TOOK HIM AWAY........

THE FOODSTORE IN WHICH JIMMY WORKS IS A LARGE STORE, LOCATED IN THE HEART OF ATLANTIC CITY...THERE IS CRIME ALL AROUND, AS YOU CAN WELL IMAGINE......SO, THE NEXT DAY, THIS INCIDENT OCCURRED........A SLENDER, WELL-SHAPED WOMAN, WITH LONG BLOND HAIR COMES UP TO JIMMY, AS JIMMY IS STANDING OUTSDE THE STORE...SHE GIVES HIM SOME SOB STORY, ASKING HIM FOR MONEY...JIMMY REFUSES, TELLING HER, TO PLEASE GET OFF THE STORE'S PROPERTY....HE WENT INSIDE, AND LATER CAME BACK OUT...THERE WEE 4 OTHER WOMAN WITH HJER...THEY WERE ALL ASKING PEOPLE FOR MONEY...HE ASKED THEM TO LEAVE..THEY STARTED CALLING HIM NAMES....HE SAID I AM GOING TO CALL THE POLICE...SCARED, THEY RAN TO A BEAUTIFUL NEW SUV, DRIVEN BY THE ORIGINAL GIRL WITH LING BLONDE HAIR....THEY GOT IN., AND DROVE AWAY...I ASKED JIMMY IF HE CALLED THE POLICE...HE SAID NO...

TODAY'S LATEST STORY IS THIS....JIMMY'S BOSS HAD AN INDIFFERENCE WITH THE BOOK KEEPER...SHE LEFT THE JOB..AND WALKED AWAY..ANGRY.  A LITTLE WHILE LATER, THIS WOMAN'S BOYFRIEND, COMES TO THE STORE, AND WALKS OVER TO JIMMY, THINKING HE WAS THE ONE WHO HAD THE ARGUEMENT WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND...THE STORE SECURITY MEN RAN OVER TO JIMMY...AND HELD HIM BACK..SAYING  HE HAD THE WRONG PERSON............ JIMMY IS A BIG, MUSCULAR MAN, AND THE STORES SECURITY MEN ARE, TOO...AT NIGHT, WHEN JIMMY WALKS TO THE BUS STATION, THE SECURITY MEN WALK HIM THERE............

WELL, THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.........AND AS FOR ME, WELL...LIFE GOES ON....................FRAN

IT'S ALREADY 29 MONTHS

I WAS JUST THINKING..."GEE, IT'S 29 MONTHS JIMMY HAS BEEN IN THE PRISON SYSTEM...THAT'S ALMOST 2 1/2 YEARS.....THAT IS ACTUALLY A VERY LONG TIME, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY HE WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR, ON HIS WAY TO COURT, AND THEN JAIL."..........YES, I KIND OF CAN'T BELIEVE IT HAS ACTUALLY BEEN THAT LONG...SOMETIMES, LIKE JUST THIS MINUTE, IT DAWNS ON ME...AND I THINK ABOUT IT....I ALWAYS HAVE TO COUNT THE MONTHS AND YEARS ON MY FINGERS...BECAUSE I'M NOT BRILLIANT IN MATH , AS JIMMY IS....WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED, JIMMY WOULD SIT ACROSS THE ROOM, AND WATCH ME DOING SOME MATH, USING A PENCIL AND PAPER...HE WOIULD SMILE, AND I FELT SO SELF-CONSCIOUS, BECAUSE I KNEW HE ALREADY KNEW THE ANSWER...YOU SEE, MY HUSBAND IS SORT OF A WHIZ IN MATHAMATICS....HE DOES THE MATH WITHIN HIS HEAD...AND I MEAN HE SOMEHOW JUST KNOWS THE ANSWER............ANOTHER THING HE DOES IS KEEP TRACK OF THINGS...MATHIMATICALLY.........LIKE WHAT I MEAN IS, HE KEEPS TRACK , IN HIS HEAD, THINGS LIKE HOW MANY DAYS HE HAS BEEN IN PRISON, HOW MANY MINUTES....HOW MANY TIMES WE HAVE SPOKEN ON THE PHONE...HE EVEN TOLD ME LAST FEBRUARY, THE EXACT DAY IN FEB. THAT OUR MARRIAGE HIT THE MARK THAT WE WERE LIVING APART A GREATER AMOUNT OF TIME, THAN WE HAD LIVED TOGETHER IN OUR MARRIAGE.....JIMMY AMAZES ME...FOR HIM, HE SAYS IT IS NOTHING...HE SIMPLY KEEPS A RUNNING CALCULATION OF THINGS IN HIS BRAIN.....WELL GOOD THING I'M MARRIED TO HIM!.....AS FOR ME, I MUST WRITE EVERY THING DOWN, AND KEEP WRITTEN LOGS OF EVERYTHING...AND I ENJOY IT THAT WAY....I SAVE ALL CALENDERS AND DATEBOOKS, FOR AT LEAST THE PAST 7 OR MORE YEARS...SO I CAN REFER BACK TO EVERYTHING...(i even have some datebooks i saved in the 1980's)

WELL, LIFE GOES ON...I THOUGHT I'D STOP BY AND SAY HELLO;;;HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH EVERYONE....JIMMY WILL BE BACK FROM WORK, IN A LITTLE WHILE, AND WILL CALL M THEN....AS FOR THE QUESTION ASKED IN THE LAST COMMENT, FROM DEBBIE.....THE ANSWER IS, I DON'T KNOW WHEN JIMMY WILL COME HOME FOR GOOD....I JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT A DAY AT A TIME....AND MAYBE TONITE, I'LL GO OUTSIDE, AND LOOK UP IN THE SKY, AND MAKE A WISH ON THE FIRST STAR I SEE....I BET YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WISH IS     :)

NITE.......FRAN

WHIRLWINDS OF LOVE AND ROMANCE....JIMMY COMES HOME FOR THE THIRD TIME

JIMMY CAME HOME ON WEDNESDAY, FOR HIS THIRD FURLOUGH....EVERYTHING WENT JUST GREAT....FULL OF LOVE, ROMANCE AMD LAUGHTER...TIME SEEMED TO SLOW DOWN A LITTLE FOR US BOTH, AND THEREFORE WE WERE ABLE TO ENJOY EACH OTHER EVEN MORE SO....JIMMY LOVES TO PLAN THINGS...SO, HE HAD TOLD ME THE DAY BEFORE,  "FRAN, I'LL BE HOME BY 1PM, AND THEN WE'LL BE IN BED BY 3:30 PM (HE MEANT  FOR AN AFTERNOON SIESTA, THAT'S ALL   :)   .........WELL, WE WERE IN BED BY 3:40...JUST 10 MINUTES LATE!   :)

WE ALSO HAD A FEAST OF FOOD THAT DAY....WELL. YOU KNOW HOW ITALIAN HOUSEHOLDS ARE!.....WE HAD CHINESE FOOD, WHICH WE BOTH LOVE, PASTA (ELBOWS) WITH BUTTER AND CHEESE  (JIMMY'S FAVORITE), SAUSAGE AND PEPPERS THAT I MADE, UPON JIMMY'S REQUEST, WHICH HE LOVES.....I MADE HIM LARGE PITCHERS OF ICED TEA, AND ICED WATER, AS THE DAY WAS A HOT ONE! 

THE BEST PART WAS LATER THAT EVENING...JIMMY HAD BOUGHT ME A 5 LB. LOBSTER.........IT WAS THE HUGHEST THING I EVER SAW!.....JIMMY LOVES TO FEED ME LOBSTER!.........HE HAD TO CRACK IT OPEN FOR ME, AND I SAT THERE EATING THE WHOLE THING.....HE ENJOYED WATCHING ME EATING THAT LOBSTER, SUCKING ON HIS CLAWS, ETC....IT TOOK ME ABOTU AN HOUR AND A HALF TO FINISH IT.........SO, I SAT THERE IN HAPPINESS, EATING LOBSTER, AND SIPPING A GLASS OF WHITE WINE......WITH MY HUSBAND WATCING ME, AND FEEDING ME......WHAT MORE COULD I ASK FOR?!

WE ALSO SAT OUTSIDE IN THE EARLY EVENING, AND JIMMY INSPECTED THE GARDEN, ETC.  HE TOOK PRINCE, OUR DOG, FOR 2 WALKS....AND PRINCE WAS SIMPLY IN HIS GLORY!.......PAPPA HAD RETURNED!...AND PRINCE WAS SO EXCITED ...THE ALPHA IN OUR HOUSEHOLD HAD RETURNED...AND SO, NOW, PRINCE COULD RELAX, BECAUSE THE ALPHA MAN WAS PROTECTING HIM.........PRINCE IS REALLY A  "MAN'S DOG."....HE LOVES ME, A WOMAN, BUT HE IS ALWAYS ON GUARD WITH ME...ALWAYS BARKING AND GROWLING, AND PROTECTING ME FROM OTHERS...WITH JIMMY HOME, HE COULD RELAX AGAIN, AND BE HIS PLAYFUL SELF!.............ALSO, JIMMY BROUGHT LOTS OF FOOD HOME FOR THE PETS, AND LOTS OF TREATS, TOO....JIMMY LOVES THE CATS, MISTY  AND JIMBO,, VERY MUCH...AND THEY WERE CLIMBING ALL OVER HIM....MISTY, ONCE AGAIN LAID ON TOP OF JIMMY'S TUMMY, WHEN HE LAID IN BED.  MISTY GETS JEALOUS OF US, AND STARTS CRYING AND TRING TO GET BETWEEN US, AS WE LAY IN BED TOGETHER....AND JIMBO...WELL HE'S  HIS USUAL SELF...A LITTLE ALOOF...BUT HE IS DADDY'S FAVORITE...

AND AS THE HOURS WENT BY, JIMMY MADE HIS CALLS TO CHECK IN TO KINTOCK....THIS TIME, I KIND OF WATCHED THE CLOCK, AND WOULD REMIND HIM TO CALL...HOWEVER HE KEEPS TRACK OF IT HIMSELF, AND DOESN'T NEED TO BE REMINDED...HE IS VERY METICULOUS AND ORDERLY ABOUT MAKING THE CALLS.

AND SO, THE LAZY, HAZY DAY OF SUMMER PROGRESSED...ALL WAS HAPPY AND CONTENT....JIMMY WAS ABLE TO RELAX, AFTER HIS LONG TRIP FROM KINTOCK....AND THE DAY TURNED INTO NIGHT....AND WE WATCHED SOME SHOWS AND MOVIES ON "ON-DEMAND."  (amongst other things, we watched Spiderman 2, one of Jimmy's favorites).

AND SOON, IT WAS MORNING AGAIN...AT 8 AM, JIMMY TOOK A TAXI FROM OUR HOUSE TO THE BUS DEPOT...AND ONCE AGIAN, PRINCE STARTED TO CRY AND WHINE AS JIMMY WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR.  I HAD TO HOLD HIM ON HIS LEASH, BECAUSE HE GETS QUITE WILD...AND HE MADE THAT WHINING, CRYING SOUND.  WE STOOD AT THE WINDOW...I HAD MY ARMS AROUND PRINCE....HIS EYES NEVER LEFT HIS DADDY...AND AS THE TAXI PULLED AWAY, PRINCE NEVER TOOK HIS EYES OFF IT...HIS LOWER JAW DROPPED, AND HIS EYES SADDENED.....YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW INCREDIBLE IT WAS, TO SEE A DOG REACT THIS WAY, TO THE DADDY HE LOVES.............AND SO, THE HOUSEHOLD WAS QUIET AND WE WERE ONCE AGAIN ALONE....BUT THE FEELING OF JIMMY'S PRESENCE WAS, AND STILL IS, EVERYWHERE IN THE HOUSE.........

WE ALL WENT BACK TO SLEEP, AS IT WAS EARLY, AND WE WERE TIRED.......JIMMY , OF COURSE, CALLED ME FROM THE BUS STATION...

LATER, I WENT TO WASH SOME FORKS AND SPOONS JIMMY LEFT SOAKING IN THE SINK.  MUCH TO MY AMAZEMENT, I FOUND JIMMY'S SCREW-DRIVER THERE, SOAKING AMONGST THE SILVERWARE....I SMILED TO MYSELF...YES, INDEED, A SURE SIGN THAT  DADDY WAS HOME...MY MAN WAS ONCE AGAIN IN THE HOUSE!.....AND THE PRESENCE OF HIS SCEW-DRIVER ATTESTED TO IT!

AT ONE POINT DURING HIS FURLOUGH, JIMMY LOOKED AT ME, AND SMILED....."FRAN,"  HE SAID, "YOU ARE BACK TO YOUR USUAL SELF...THAT IS, YOU ARE THE SAME WOMAN YOU WERE 29 MONTHS AGO."..............WHAT HE MEANT IS THAT I WAS THE SAME HAPPY WOMAN I ONCE WAS BEFORE HE WENT TO PRISON.....THE SMILING WOMAN, JOKING AMD LAUGHING...IN LOVE WITH MY MAN AND LIFE AND THE WORLD, IN GENERAL............YES, THROUGH THIS WHOLE PRISON EXPERIENCE, I THOUGHT I MIGHT HAVE LOST MY PERSONNA......BUT IT IS THERE, STRONGER THAN EVER!.......AND JIMMY AND I HAVE SOME "ELECTRICAL CONNECTION,"  THAT IS THERE, MORE THAN EVER!

WITH LOVE, FRAN AND JIMMY

third furlough home

I'M NOW WAITING FOR JIMMY'S THIRD FURLOUGH HOME....HE SHOULD BE HOME ON WEDNESDAY, FOR ANOTHER OVERNITE FURLOUGH, THEN NEXT WEEK HE WILL START HIS WEEKLY FURLOUGHS HOME.  LIFE SIMPLY CONSISTS OF STEPPING STONES, AT THIS POINT.  I AM REALLY EXCITED, AND CAN'T WAIT FOR WEDNESDAY, WHEN I WILL BE IN HIS LOVING ARMS....HOWEVER, YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, IT IS LIKE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS...IF ANYTHING AT ALL GOES WRONG, JIMMY COULD BE SENT BACK TO PRISON, VERY EASILY...WE KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN SENT BACK...THE REASONS WERE THINGS LIKE NOT CALLING KINTOCK, FORGETTING TO CALL, OR WHATEVER THE SITUATION...AND SO, WE TRY TO BE VERY CAREFUL, THAT WE FOLLOW THE RULES VERY CAREFULLY...AND SO, OF COURSE , THE STRESS CONTINUES, OF HAVING A HUSBAND IN PRISON.....YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW, AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ANY PLANS....AND SO, SOMETIMES I FIND MYSELF LIVING IN MY OWN FANTASY WORLD....I PRETEND , NOW , THAT JIMMY IS A TRUCKER, AND ON THE ROAD FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS....AND THEN HE COMES BACK HOME, FOR AN OVERNITE STAY...IT IS ALMOST LIKE HAVING A BOYFRIEND, AND HAVING HIM STAY OVER-NITE....I LIKE TO PRETEND , A LOT...IT HELPS ME GET BY THIS THING CALLED LIFE..........I ALWAYS SAY, "LIFE'S A JOURNEY, " BUT LIFE AS A PRISON WIFE IS A "LIFE ON A ROLLER COASTER"...HOWEVER, I AM BEING PATIENT, AND KEEPING IT ALL TOGETHER...I FEEL MORE BALANCED AND IN HARMONY THAN BEFORE...I NOW HAVE SOME ONE TO SHOP FOR, CLEAN FOR, WASH CLOTHES FOR, ETC., EVEN THOUGH HE ISN'T HERE ALL THE TIME....SOMETIMES I FEEL HAVING AN ABSENTEE HUSBAND HAS ALMOST BECOME NORMAL FOR ME...I SAY, ALMOST...THAT'S BECAUSE WE STAY SO CONNECTED AT ALL TIMES...JIMMY KNOWS EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON IN THIS HOUSEHOLD...WE HOLD NO SECRETS....IT IS AN ODD WAY OF LIFE, BUT ONE THAT I AM PROUD OF, THAT I GOT A HANDLE ON....I CREATED A LIFE HERE, WITHOUT JIMMY, BUT STAY SO CLOSE TO HIM, IT IS ALMOST INCREDIBLE...I AM HAPPY I DID IT...I WAS PATIENT...I RODE ALL THE ROUGH WAVES....AND I'M STILL STANDING, AND STILL ALIVE...AND I STILL HAVE ALL MY WITS ABOUT ME, AND HAVE GROWN STRONGER THROUGH THIS PRISON EXPERIENCE.....SOME WOMEN, DON'T HANG ON, AND DO FOOLISH THINGS....I ADVISE ALL WOMEN TO BE PATIENT, AND HANG ON...CONSTRUCT YOUR LIFE AROUND YOU, IN THAT YOU ARE MAINTAINING THE HOUSEHOLD WHILE HUBBY IS GONE...DON'T DO ANYTHING AS FOOLISH AS THE MODERN DAY BONNIE AND CLYDE DID LAST WEEK...IT WILL ONLY TAKE AWAY OTHER LIVES, AND YOUR OWN...FOR NO REASON...SO BE PATIENT, AND BE STRONG...KNOW THAT YOU ARE CONSTRUCTIVE IN KEEPING YOUR LIFE, YOUR HUSBAND'S LIFE, AND YOUR HOUSEHOLD AND KIDS TOGETHER...........IT MAY SEEM LONG...BUT TIME PASSES...AND TIME IS IRRELEVANT....TIME IS ACTUALLY MAN-MADE...TIME DOES NOT EXIST IN GOD'S WORLD...THE TRUTH OF THE UNIVERSE IS THAT IT IS NOT LINEAR, BUT MADE OF SPIRALS AND CURVES AND SPHERES.....LINES THAT BEND...LIKE RADIO FREQUENCIES THAT BEND.  THUS, THERE IS NO BEGINNING AND NO END TO TIME...TIME IS NOT LINEAR.....SO JUST WAIT FOR YOUR MAN....TIME WILL COMPRESS, AND YOU WILL NOT EVEN REALIZE THAT YEARS HAVE PASSED......WELL, I'LL JUST SAY GOOD-NITE FOR NOW!...HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU....HOPE YOUR LITTLE CORNER OF THE WORLD IS A COZY AND COMFORTABLE AND PEACEFUL PLACE TO BE!............FRAN

LAZY DAY....

TODAY WAS JUST A "LAZY DAY," DOING THINGS I HAD TO DO....TAKING CARE OF THR PETS, KEEPING UP WITH THE NEWS ON TV.....WATCHING ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHANNELS, "THE COOKING CHANNEL," IN WHICH THEY HAD A SPECIAL TRIBUTE TO JULIA CHILD....I FIND IT INTERESTOING TO WATCH OLD FOOTAGE , OF OLD BLACK AND WHITE TV SHOWS...JULIA WAS A REMARKABLE WOMAN, WITH AN AMAZING LIFE, WELL LOVED BY MANY...HER SECRET TO LONGEVITY, SHE SAYS IS "EATING RED MEAT!"...JIMMY WILL CALL ME SOON, WHEN HE GETS BACK TO KINTOCK (AROUND 1AM).  I'LL BE WATCHING "ON-DEMAND," BY THAT TIME, WHICH I ENJOY SO MUCH...LOTS TO CHOOSE FROM..........IN THE MEANTIME, WE'RE NOW MAKING PLANS FOR JIMMY'S 3RD FURLOUGH HOME, WHICH SHOULD BE THE WEDNESDAY AFTER NEXT...WE BOTH CAN'T WAIT.........NITE AND SWEET DREAMS!........fran

A FEW ANSWERS...

HI EVERYONE!

HERE'S A FEW ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS YOU ASKED:

1...I CAN'T GO AND PICK UP JIMMY AT KINTOCK, WHICH IS A 2 HOUR RIDE FROM MY HOUSE BY CAR..BY BUS IT TAKES HIM SEVERAL HOURS, AROUND 5 TO 6 TO GET HERE, DEPENDING ON WHICH BUSES HE CATCHES...SOME ARE LOCAL, WHICH TAKE LONGER, OTHERS ARE EXPRESS...HE TAKES 3 CONNNECTING BUSES AND A TAXI TO GET HERE....I CAN'T DRIVE THAT FAR, AS I AM LEGALLY BLIND, AND HAVE BEEN TOLD BY THE DOCTOR NOT TO DRIVE....MY EYESIGHT IS STILL ON THE BORDERLINE, SO THE DOCTOR SAID IF I LIVED IN ANOTHER STATE, SUCH AS PENNSYLVANIA, I COULD STILL DRIVE.  IT DEPENDS ON THE STATE, THE TRAFFIC, AND YOUR EYESIGHT.......EVERYONE WE KNOW, INCLUDING FAMILY MEMBERS, REFUSE TO GO TO KINTOCK...

BY THE WAY, THAT IS WHY I TYPE IN LARGE PRINT, AND OFTEN MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES....

2.  I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHEN JIMMY WILL BE HOME ON PAROLE, FOR GOOD..........ALL I KNOW IS HE WENT FROM OCEAN COUNTY JAIL, TO BAYSIDE STATE PRISON, TO TALBOT REHAB, AND NOW HE IS IN KINTOCK, A WORKING HALF-WAY HOUSE....HE HAS STARTYED HIS OVER-NITE FURLOUGHS HOME, A FEW WEEKS AGO....I HOPE HIS PAROLE IS SOON, AS I AM ALREADY WORRYING ABOUT THE ICE AND SNOW...YES, PLEASE DON'T LAUGH!....I KNOW IT'S 95 DEGREES OUT...BUT I JUST CAN'T GET THROUGH ANOTHER WINTER ALONE, BEING PARTIALLY DISABLED...

WELL. I'LL SAY GOOD-NITE, FOR NOW!.........FRAN

THANKING YOU

HI EVERYONE!.....WELL, TODAY IS ANOTHER DAY, BRIGHTER AND HAPPIER!........I AM GETTING SO MANY COMMENTS, AND I THANK YOU ALL, FOR EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM!......

FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL THOSE READERS WHO HAVE STUCK WITH ME THROUGH THE YEARS OF MY WRITING THIS JOURNAL............I'LL SAY HI TO SUGAR  (WHO IS A DAILY READER, AND VERY SUPPORTIVE OF ME...SHE IS ALWAYS BRIGHT AND ENCOURAGING TO ME!),  DAWN, WHO IS ALSO SUPPORTIVE, AND SENDS ME CARDS OFTEN, AS SHE TRAVELS ROUND THE COUNTRY IN HER RV.  THEN THERE IS BARB, WHOM I LOVE VERY MUCH....SHE IS A VERY SPIRITUAL PERSON AND HER JOURNAL HAS ATTRACTED MANY, MANY PEOPLE, AS SHE HELPS OTHERS.......THERE IS SUSAN, AND ANITA, AND BILL AND LIBBY IN LAS VEGAS.....DEBBIE, THE GUEST EDITOR, WHO CHOSE THIS JOURNAL, AND HAS BEEN READING IT FOR SOME TIME......THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF YOU, AND YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE!.......

A SPECIAL THANKS TO "SUZY COLORADO," WHO IS A VERY , VERY SPECIAL, AND SPIRITUAL WOMAN.......VISIT HER WEB-SITE, AND YOU'LL SEE JUST WHAT I MEAN.......SUZY IS AN AUTHOR AND ARTIST..........HER WORDS, AND ART-WORK ARE VERY INSPIRATIONAL!

YES, ALL THESE PEOPLE HELPED ME MAKE IT THROUGH A VERY DIFFICULT TIME...........I DON'T KNOW THEM IN PERSON, ONLY ON THE COMPUTER.........ISN'T IT AMAZING TO BE ALIVE IN THIS DAY AND AGE, WHEN THE COMPUTER IS SO POWERFUL, AND CAN REACH SO MANY PEOPLE, AND HELP THOSE IN DISTRESS!

I MUST NOT FORGET MY BEST FRIEND, JENNIFER, IN FLORIDA, WHO IS A SINGER, WHO BECAME MY FRIEND THROUGH THIS JOURNAL.............

THE BEST COMMENT LEFT HERE, IN THE PAST FEW DAYS, WAS FROM SKY, AN EX-CORRECTIONS OFFICER.  IT WAS THE MOST IMPRESSIVE COMMENT, SKY, AND THANK YOU SO MUCH!.....SKY WRITES THAT HE SAW MANY MEN CRYING AT NIGHT IN THE PRISON...CRYING OUT FOR THEIR WIVES...WIVES THAT HAD LEFT THEM, OR COULDN'T BE REACHED.........SKY THANKS ME FOR "STANDING BY MY MAN."..........I AM HONORED BY YOUR COMMENT......

SAC COLETTE WRITES THAT 19 YEARS AGO SHE WAS IN LAW SCHOOL, AND SHE SAT THERE AND WROTE LETTERS TO HER INCARCERATED HUSBAND....NOW, TOGETHER...ALL IS WELL...........THANK YOU FOR SHARING A BEAUTIFUL STORY!

TRACY AND KASEY, WHO ARE NEW READERS...THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS!

MARAYO 786, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYER AND BLESSING!

ROBIN, THANKS FOR THE NICE THINGS YOU SAID!

...AND THEN THERE IS DAEDAEBAEBAE, WHOSE HUSBAND IS NOW OUT OF PRISON, BUT SHE SHARED A PART OF HERSELF WIRH US...SHE SAID THAT WHEN HER HUSBAND WAS IN PRISON, SHE ISOLATED HERSELF FROM THE WORLD...BASICALLY SHE WAS SAYING, WHEN SHE SAW OTHER HAPPY PEOPLE AROUND HER, SHE COULDN'T STAND IT, AND RATHER BE ALONE............YES, DAEDAE, THAT IS WHAT WE ALL GO THROUGH..........ISOLATION AND DEPRESSION.....

IT IS BEGINNING TO THUNDER, SO I'LL SAY "BYE" FOR NOW...AND LATER I WILL ANSWER SOME OF YOUR QUESTIONS.............FRAN

'A WOMAN OF MANY SEASONS"

YESTERDAY JIMMY SAID TO ME, "FRAN,  YOU ARE LIKE A WOMAN OF MANY SEASONS.".......I REALLY LIKED THAT PHRASE.....IT EXPLAINS ME VERY WELL...THE PERSON THAT LIVES INSIDE OF ME....I AM LIKE A WOMAN WITH MANY FACETS.....HE OFTEN SAYS I HAVE MANY FACETS...LIKE A DIAMOND..........YES, THAT IS WHO FRAN IS.....MANY SIDES TO ME.......EMOTIONAL, AND YET RATIONAL, SWEET, BUT BOLD.....STRONG, AND YET WEAK AT TIMES.........I LOVE TO DO CREATIVE THINGS AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE...WRITE STORIES, POEMS, HIAKUS...GET THINGS PUBLISHED......SING AND PAINT.  ON ANY GIVEN DAY, YOU MAY FIND ME SITTING OUTSIDE, TALKING TO THE TREES, AS THEY BECAME MY FRIENDS DURING JIMMY'S INCARCERATION.........OR WALKING AROUND THE CIRCLE WE LIVE ON....OR SITTING ON TH PARK BENCHES...GAZING AT THE BLUE SKY ABOVE, AND TALKING TO GOD.........ASKING HIM "WHY."..........I LOVE NATURE.......THE BIRDS, THE GRASS, THE FLOWERS.........WE LIVE SO CLOSE TO THE OCEAN, BUT I CAN'T EVEN GET THERE, SINCE I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE.............BEFORE JIMMY LEFT FOR PRISON, HE WOULD TAKE ME TO SEASIDE, AND WE WOULD SIT ON THE BOARDWALK, AND BREATH IN THE FRESH OCEAN AIR.........WE WOULD WATCH THE PEOPLE GO BY, AND THEN STOP FOR CLAMS ON THE HALF-SHELL....MY FAVOPRITE, WHILE HE ATE PIZZA........JIMMY ALWAYS LOVED TO WATCH ME EAT THOSE CLAMS...HE EVEN WOULD TAKE MY PIX AS I WAS EATING THEM...I COULD DOWN 1 OR 2 DOZEN, EASILY...ONCE I TRIED 3 DOZEN, BUT DECIDED IT WAS A BAD IDEA, BECAUSE I GOT A TUMMY ACHE AFTERWARDS!................JUST WHO IS 'FRAN,'  YOU MAY ALL WONDER.  WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS WOMAN, WRITING THIS JOURNAL.........A WOMAN WHO FEEL IN LOVE WITH A CRIMINAL, AND MARRIED HIM AT THE AGE OF 47.........."FRAN, "  YOU SEE, IS A COMPLEX BEING....SHE IS VERY HARD TO UNDERSTAND, UNLESS YOU REALLY KNOW HER...........I WAS A RESGISTERED NURSE FOR 28 YEARS,  AND THEN BECAME "LEGALLY BLIND,' AND HAD TO STOP WORKING AS A NURSE........FRAN TOOK CARE OF THE SICK AND DYING HER WHOLE LIFE......SHE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST NURSES TO TAKE CARE OF "AIDES"   PATIENTS, IN ONE OF THE LARGEST HOSPITALS IN NEW YORK CITY, BACK IN THE 70'S, WHEN AIDES WAS FIRST DISCOVERED...........ACTUALLY, I WAS TAKING CARE OF THEM EVEN BEFORE THE TERM 'AIDES' WAS COINED...WE WERE THE PIONEER NURSES, AND IT WAS THOUGHT THAT WE WOULD MAYBE DEVELOPE THE DISEASE LATER IN LIFE....NO ONE KNEW ANYTHING AT THE TIME..........AND SO, IN RESPONSE TO ONE OF THE READERS COMMENTS THAT SAID, "WHAT HAVE YOU AND JIMMY DONE FOR YOUR COUNTRY?,'  I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, VERY HUMBLY, I HAVE DONE A LOT, AS AN RN, BY TAKING CARE OF MY FELLOW MAN.....THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF PAY TO TAKE CARE OF JUNKIES, WHO ARE DYING FROM AIDES, HOMELESS, FROM THE BOWELS OF THE EARTH AND SUBWAYS...WHO ACTUALLY LIVE IN THOSE DARK TUNNELS IN THE SUBWAY SYSTYEM....THE NURSES I WORKED WITH  HAD URINE, FECES, SPIT, AND VOMIT ACTUALLY THROWN AT THEM...MANY NURSES WERE PUT ON MEDICATION AFTER THIS HAPPENED.....AND WE TOOK CARE OF EACH PERSON AS AN INDIVIDUAL, AND DID NOT CARE HOW SICK THEY WERE...NEVER JUDGEMENTAL.....AND WHEN THEY DIED, THEIR BODIES WERE SENT OFF TO POTTERS FIELD....NO ONE TO CARE  OR LOVE THEM...NOT IN LIFE, AND NOT IN DEATH....WE CLEANED THEM UP AFTER INCONTINENCE, WE BATHED THEM....SO THAT IS MY STORY.  AND MAY I ASK, WHAT EXACTLY IS YOURS?.....YES, WE ALL HAVE A STORY TO TELL...AND IT MAY BE HIDDEN DEEP WITHIN US................FRAN TRIED TO JOIN THE ARMY RESERVES IN THE 80's,  BUT WAS REFUSED , DUE TO MEDICAL REASONS.....I WANTED TO JOIN THE RESERVES SO BADLY, I WOULD CALL THE ARMY RECRUITER EACH WEEK, AND BEG HIM TO JOIN.........AND AS FOR JIMMY , HE WAS IN THE ARMY IN THE 70'S......

SO INSTEAD, I CONTINUED TO EDUCATE MYSELF, AND DID A MASTER'S DEGREE AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY IN ADMINISTRATION......................AND THEN I TRAVELED THE WORLD OVER....I WENT PLACES AND DID THINGS MOST PEOPLE CAN ONLY DREAM OF!...........BUT I'M HAPPIEST NOW, BEING MARRIED TO JIMMY, AND DOING WHAT I DO EACH DAY.........AFTER ALL, I RETIRED AT THE AGE OF 48....NOT TOO BAD, I MUST SAY!

SORRY TO BE GOING ON AND ON TONITE....SOMETIMES WE JUST HAVE TO GET THE WORDS AND THOUGHTS OUT................I ENJOY FOR YOU TO WALK THROUGH THE "CORNERS OF MY MIND."..........I WAS SO HAPPY 4 DAYS AGO, WHEN JIMMY CAME HOME.........BUT THE HAPPINESS DOESN'T LAST.....IT COMES AND GOES...JIMMY IS IN AND OUT OF OUR HOME.....AND NOW I SIT HERE ALONE, THINKING OF THINGS..........TODAY WAS A HECTIC DAY FOR ME...I TOOK CARE OF HOUSEHOLD PROBLEMS...THINGS A MAN SHOULD BE HOME TAKING CARE OF,,,,,,,,,,THE CABLE COMPANY CAME...THEY FOUND THE WIRES WERE SLICED OUTSIDE OUR HOME, PROBABLY DUE TO CONSTRUCTION WORK OUTSIDE.......SO CABLE TRUCKS AND MEN WERE GOING BACK AND FORTH ALL DAY....I MUST HAVE SPOKEN TO 20 PEOPLE ON THE PHONE TO GET THE ISSUE SOLVED..........SOMETIMES I JUST HATE IT ALL..I HATE PROBLEMS.....AND IT WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS. 

AND TONITE I SIT HERE IN FEAR, WONDERING JUST "IF" AND "WHEN" JIMMY WILL COME HOME.....THOSE OF YOU WITH SOMEONE IN PRISON KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE, AND YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT......THE FUTURE IS UNCERTAIN....YOU NEVER KNOW....YOU ARE PART OF THE "SYSTEM.".......FOR THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE IN OUR SOCIETY, YOU MAKE PLANS FOR THINGS LIKE BIRTHDAY PARTIES, TRIPS, AND VACATIONS, HOLIDAYS....EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING.............FOR THE PRISON WIFE, SHE CAN MAKE NO PLANS, AS THE FUTURE IS UNCERTAIN.....IT IS LIKE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS.....AND SO, TONITE, I SIT HERE ALONE, A LITTLE APPREHENSIVE.  I KNOW I MUST NOT LET IT GET TO ME...I MUST TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME......I MUST TAKE ONLY SMALL STEPS OF HAPPINESS...I MUST NOT TAKE A LONG LEAP, AND EXPECT ANYTHING, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU...."HAPPINESS,' IS AN ILLUSION FOR ME....THE ELUSIVE BUTTERFLY...........I MUST BE HAPPY FOR NOW AND TODAY................PLEASE, FRAN,  DON'T REACH TOO FAR TO CATCH THAT BUTTERFLY.................

I MUST BE CONTENT TO HAVE THIS UNUSUAL MARRIAGE AND WAY OF LIFE....JIMMY AND I HAVE PERFECTED IT ALMOST TO A "T."...THAT IS TO BE MENTALLY CONNECTED AT ALL TIMES, EVEN THROUGH HE IS A MAN IN PRISON..........IT IS A BIZAAR WAY OF LIFE....TO HAVE AN "ABSENTEE HUSBAND."........TO BE MARRIED, AND NOT HAVE A HUSBAND....I FIND IT SO STRANGE...IT REALLY DOESN'T MAKE SENSE...........ANND SO, I BETTER LEAVE IT AT THAT AND GO TO BED....IT IS BETTER TO PUT ONE'S THOUGHTS ASIDE, SOMETIMES.  TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY, AND AFTER A GOOD NITE'S SLEEP. I'LL START AFRESH, ONCE AGAIN....

HAVE A GOOD NITE, AND SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON........................FRAN

JIMMY'S 2ND FURLOUGH HOME FROM KINTOCK, HALF-WAY HOUSE

HI AGAIN!.....I JUST COULDN'T GO TO BED WITHOUT TELLING YOU ABOUT JIMMY'S 2ND FURLOUGH HOME! 

JIMMY ARRIVED HOME LAST MONDAY AFTERNOON...IT TAKES HIM 3 CONNECTING BUSES, AND A TAXI TO GET HOME.........HE IS IN A HALF-WAY HOUSE THAT IS 2 HOURS AWAY BY CAR, BUT FOR HIM TO TRAVEL HOME, IT TAKES AROUND 5-6 HOURS, BECAUSE THE BUSES HAVE LOCAL STOPS TO MAKE.............IT WAS A WONDERFUL FURLOUGH, BUT OVER WAY TOO FAST..........HE LEFT ON TUESDAY MORNING AROUND 8 AM....HE DID THE 5-6 HOUR TRIP TO KINTOCK, THEN HE HAD TO BOARD THE BUS AGAIN, AFTER SIGNING IN, AND GO BACK TO HIS JOB IN ATLANTIC CITY...THAT WAS ANOTHER 2 1/2 TRIP!......WELL, I GUESS NOBODY SAID LIFE IS EASY!..........(you must understand, jimmy only slept 2 hours before coming here, as he arrives back to kintock at 3 am from his job, as assisitant store manager, in a large foodstore in ATLANTIC CITY)

AM I MAKING MUCH SENSE?!....LETS JUST SAY, JIMMY ALMOST LIVES ON A BUS!..........AND OF COURSE THE NIGHT HE WAS HOME , WE BARELY SLEPT....GUESS WHAT WE WERE DOING!...(and it wasn't cleaning the rugs...however jimmy did get the gardener to trim the outside bush     :)  ....well, it really needed it, and hadn't been trimmed in 2 years!)

AND SO, WE ATE CHINESE FOOD....AT HOME.  JIMMY MADE HIS ROUTINE CALLS EVERY HOUR TO CHECK IN....AND WE HAD A GREAT TIME!  WE WATCHED SOME SHOWS ON ON-DEMAND, CABLE TV.............WE PLAYED WITH OUR PETS, MISTY, JIMBO, AND THE DOG PRINCE...EVERYONE WAS AGAIN EXCITED THAT DADDY WAS HOME!.......JIMMY BRINGS HOME MANY TREATS FOR THE ANIMALS, AND LITTLE PRESENTS FOR ME TOO!......HOWEVER, I JUST WANT HIM...THAT IS ALL....AND BELIEVE ME, MY HUSBAND LOOKS BETTER THAN EVER1.......WHAT A HANDSOME, STRONG MAN!  HE LITERAALY PICKED UP AN OLD SOFA, AND THEW IT AWAY....WHAT A MUSCULAR MAN......OH, I JUST LOVE IT!....THEN HE ALSO DID THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE THAT NEEDED FIXING.........I GUESS I'M A TYPICAL WOMAN!....I NEED MY HUSBAND FOR 2 THINGS....MAKING LOVE AND FIXING THINGS IN THE HOUSEHOLD............!  ISN'T IT TRUE, LADIES?!.............AND OH, BY THE WAY, HE STILL DID SHAMPOO THE CARPET AGAIN....DUE TO ANIMAL HAIR AND DANDER........BUT THIS TIME, HE DID IT A LITTLE EARLIER, WITH ME, OF COURSE BY HIS SIDE EVERY MINUTE.......AND GUESS WHAT!....HE'S NOT A DRUG-ADDICT BECAUSE HE LIKES TO CLEAN THE HOUSE, AS WAS SUGGESTED IN ONE COMMENT (IF YOU'RE READING THIS NOW, I'LL ADDRESS YOUR COMMENT LATER  :)  .  

AND SO, IT WAS OVER TOO FAST.......PRINCE WAS QUIET ALL DAY WHEN DADDY LEFT.....AND AS FOR ME, I WAS ONCE AGAIN EXHAUSTED, AND RESTED ALL DAY...JIMMY IS A VERY ENERGETIC PERSON, AND IT IS SOMETIMES HARD FOR ME TO KEEP UP WITH HIM............HE NEEDS TO BE HOME MORE, SO I CAN START SLOWING HIM DOWN A LITTLE!.........AND I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO IT!

WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, MY WRITING AND FLOW OF THOUGHT HAS CHANGED NOW, AS I AM A HAPPIER PERSON......IN REAL LIFE, JIMMY AND I JOKE A LOT, BUT DURING HIS YEARS IN PRISON, I HAD STOPPED DOING THAT....BUT NOW, IT HAS NATURALLY STARTED COMING BACK TO ME.........AND SO, I'LL SAY,  "GOOD-NITE TO ALL!"................love, fran

JOURNAL OF THE WEEK

 

I WAS SO SURPRISED AND SHOCKED TO LEARN THAT MY JOURNAL WAS CHOSEN AS "JOURNAL OF THE WEEK,'  IN JOURNAL -LAND!  YOU CAN FIND IT FEATURED ON  "AOL PEOPLE CONNECTION: BLOGS."  FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO CONGRATULATE DEBBIE ON HER APOINTMENT AS 'GUEST EDITOR"  IN THE JOURNAL COMMUNITY.  I WOULD LIKE TO THANK DEBBIE, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, FOR READING MY JOURNAL FAITHFULLY, ON A REGULAR BASIS, AND SELECTING IT FOR "JOURNAL OF THE WEEK."    I FEEL VERY HONORED AND BLESSED TO HAVE RECEIVED THIS.......DEBBIE, IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME, BECAUSE I LOVE WRITING, AND WANT TO HELP OTHERS THROUGH MY WRITTEN WORDS AND THOUGHTS.

YOU CAN VISIT DEBBIE'S JOURNAL CALLED, "MY BIG FAT GREEK LIFE,"  AND THERE YOU CAN READ THE BEAUTIFUL SYNOPSIS OF MY JOURNAL, "REFLECTIONS OF A PRISON WIFE."  AMONGST OTHER BEAUTIFUL THINGS, DEBBIE WRITES, " THE LOVE THAT  SHE HAS FOR HER HUSBAND , AND HER PATIENCE IN WAITING FOR HIM TO RETURN, JUST HEART-WARMING.........SHE IS VERY OPEN AND HONEST IN HER FEELINGS, AND YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOU ARE SITTING WITH HER OVER A CUP OF COFFEE AT HER KITCHEN TABLE AS SHE DETAILS HER LIFE FOR US."..............THANK YOU , AGAIN, DEBBIE FOR SUCH KIND WORDS.

YOU WILL ALSO ENJOY READING DEBBIE'S JOURNAL, WHICH I FOUND VERY INTERESTING...

I WANT TO THANK ALL THOSE READING THIS JOURNAL...ALL THE NEW READERS, AND THE ONES THAT HAVE FAITHFULLY STAYED WITH ME , THROUGH EVERY UP AND DOWN I WROTE ABOUT, SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THIS JOURNAL,  WHICH WAS NEW YEAR'S EVE  , DECEMBER 31, 2003.....A VERY DEPRESSING AND TERRIBLE NITE FOR ME, AS I STARTED THIS JOURNAL ON A SUDDEN WHIM, WITH THE SUGGESTION FROM MY HUSBAND , JIMMY.....HE THOUGHT IT MAY HELP ME TO WRITE MY INNER THOUGHTS...THAT IT WOULD HELP TO ALLEVIATE THE DEEP DEPRESSION I HAD SUDDENLY FOUND MYSELF IN.............AND YES, MY JOURNAL BECAME MY FRIEND...IT STARTED HELPING ME...AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS HELPING OTHERS, WHO WERE IN THE SAME SITUATION..........SUDDENLY THEY WERE NOT ALONE, AND I WASN'T EITHER..........I WAS TOLD BY READER'S THAT MY JOURNAL HELPED THEM MAKE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY....SOME SOUNDED ON THE VERGE OF SUICIDE..........THEY TOLD ME THINGS, LIKE, "YOU ARE A PILLAR OF STRENGTH,"  "YOU GIVE US ENCOURAGEMENT TO GO ON."..............I WAS TOUCHED BY EACH COMMENT AND E-MAIL I RECEIVED............I HAVE KEPT EACH AND EVERY COMMENT AND LETTER, PRINTED OUT, AND THEY FILL 2 LARGE LOOSE LEAF BINDERS..........I WILL ALWAYS CHERISH THEM...................

AND SO, I'D LIKE TO SAY GOOD-NITE, TO ALL THOSE OUT THERE IN J-LAND..............KEEP READING.......KEEP HOPEFUL...AND KEEP UP THE FAITH...........BUT MOST OF ALL, KEEP LOVE IN YOUR HEART..................LOVE, FRAN

ps....please keep your comments coming....i love to read them...in the next few days, i'll answer some questions that were asked. 

I'M HAVING COMPUTER PROBLEMS....I WROTE AN ENTRY 3 TIMES....IT JUST WON'T GO THROUGH, AND GETS ERASED...I'M TESTING IT OUT RIGHT NOW....FRAN