'YOU TAUGHT ME WHAT LOVE IS"

JIMMY AND I JUST SPOKE A LITTLE WHILE AGO....OUR LAST CALL FOR TONIGHT....12 MIDNIGHT.....HE SAID HE WAS USING HIS LAST QUARTER...I PROMSED TO SEND HIM EXACTLY ONE QUARTER IN AN ENVELOPE NEXT WEEK...IF ONLY HE WOULD TALK TO ME FOR A FEW EXTRA MINUTES......

HE TOLD ME, "FRAN, YOU TAUGHT ME WHAT LOVE IS."....He said, "I REMEMBER IN LAS VEGAS, WHEN I GOT SICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE WE GOT MARRIED, AND YOU TOOK CARE OF ME.  THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE THAT ANYONE TOOK CARE OF ME.  YOU WERE RIGHT AT MY SIDE, AS I WAS FEELING SO SICK.  IN THE PAST I HAD ALWAYS BEEN TOLD BY OTHERS ,"REAL MEN DON'T GET SICK..GET UP, YOU ARE NOT TO BE SICK.  THAT IS HOW I WAS BROUGHT UP MY ENTIRE LIFE."  WELL, I AM VERY SADDENED TO HEAR THIS FROM MY HUSBAND...AND JIMMY HAS REPEATED THIS TO ME MANY TIMES.........AND YOU WONDER WHY THIS MAN IS IN PRISON TODAY?......IS IT ANY WONDER, WHEN YOU'VE BEEN TOLD CRUEL THINGS YOUR WHOLE LIFE?

AND THEN WE TALKED ABOUT THE MEN IN KINTOCK....MOST FIND WAYS TO F--- AROUND....LIKE WHEN THEY GO OUT TO LOOK FOR JOBS...OR EVEN ON THEIR JOB...OH YES, A LOT ARE HAVING A LOT OF FUN....THEY SAY 'WHY NOT?'..........JIMMY TOLD ME THIS EARLIER TODAY, AND IT MADE ME KIND OF ANGRY........JIMMY ASKS THESE GUYS WHY DO THEY BREAK THE RULES...WHY DO THEY CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES...IS SEX SO VERY IMPORTANT, THAT ALL MORALS AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS DESTROYED/........AND THEIR ANSWER TO JIMMY WAS, 'IF YOU DON'T DO IT (go out and have sex somewhere, breaking the rules of kintock), THEN YOU ARE THE ONE LOSING OUT....................WELL, NO.  I THINK IT IS THE OTHER WAY AROUND.  AND SO JIMMY SAID TO ME. "FRAN, MOST OF THESE GUYS HERE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT.  THEY HAVE NO CLUE.  THEY HAVE NEVER LOVED, AND NO ONE REALLY LOVES THEM.'...................AND SO, THAT IS THE SADNESS OF PRISON.............................ALL THESE MEN.....WHO REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE, ANBD LIFE IS ALL ABOUT...........NO MORALS, NO CONSCIENCE..........NOTHING............ONLY KNOWING THE MEAN , CRUEL LIFE OF THE STREET....................

...AND SO, IT'S ANOTHER LONELY NITE FOR ME....I SIT HERE, THINKING AND WONDERING.......SOMETIMES EVEN HATING MYSELF........SORT OF CONFUSED, AND NOT EVEN KNOWING WHY............JIMMY SAYS I'LL CHANGE ONCE AGAIN, BACK TO MY NORMAL SMILING, LAUGHING, SELF, WHEN HE GETS OUT.........FOR ME, I CAN'T EVEN SEE THAT FAR AHEAD..........SMILES AND LAUGHTER FOR ME ONLY LASTS IN SHORT SPURTS AT THE MOMENT........I CAN'YT EVEN IMAGINE SEEING LIFE THE WAY I ONCE DID...........WHEN EVERYTHING WAS SO PERFECT, AND SO PRETTY...........I DON'T KNOW IF MY FROWNS WILL ONCE AGAIN TURN TO LAUGHTER......AND BECAUSE, I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND, HE ASSURES ME THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING ME, WILL BOUNCE BACK TO NORMAL ONCE HE IS OUT...........HE IS CERTAIN THAT ALL I NEED IS A LITTLE LOVING.........BECAUSE 24 MONTHS WITHOUT THAT, IS TOO MUCH FOR A SENSUAL WOMAN TO ENDURE!

HIS CLOSING WORDS WERE, 'FRAN, HAVING A HUSBAND IN PRISON IS A LIVING NIGTHMARE FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST NOT THE TYPE TO HAVE A HUSBAND IN PRISON...........YOU HAVE NEVER ASSOCIATED WITH THIS PART OF LIFE.".......................................AND SO, AS I SIT HERE, ALONE, THINKING,.....I GUESS THAT IS JUST WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT......................AND YES, EVEN MARTHA STEEWART WILL GET OUT OF PRISON NEXT WEEK, AND GO ON WITH LIFE............YES, TIME DOES MOVE ON.........

.............................................FRAN

just some thoughts

JIMMY STARTED HIS NEW JOB YESTERDAY...HE IS REALLY HAPPY AND LIKES IT.....HE HAD ORIENTATION YESTERDAY AND TODAY AND TOMORROW HE STARTS AT 6AM...HE STILL HASN'T BEEN TOLD THE EXACT SHIFT HE WILL WORK...AS I'VE ALWAYS SAID, MY HUSBAND IS A FLEXIBLE MAN, AND WILL WORK HARD AND DO HIS BEST IN WHATEVER SITUATION.  HE WAS FITTED FOR A 'HARDHAT" TODAY, AS HE IS IN THE FACTORY AND HAS TO "INSPECT' THINGS WHEN THERE......HE IS INSPECTING THE TEMPERATURES, ETC,,,,,,,,,,IT IS A POULTRY/TURKEY PLANT.......

WE SPOKE TODAY, AS USUAL SEVERAL TIMES......HE CALLED ME AS SOON AS HE GOT BACK FROM ORIENTATION...THEN HE CALLED ME EVERY TWO HOURS AFTER THAT, ON THE CELL PHONE, AS I WENT ABOUT DOING SOME ERRANDS OUTSIDE..........THAT IS MY HUSBAND FOR YOU!.....HE LOVES TO KEEP TRACK OF ME, AND I LIKE IT THAT WAY, TOO!.....HE CALLED ME AT 12NOON, THE AT 2PM (I WAS STILL HOME), AT 3;30 (I HAD JUST LEFT THE POST-OFFICE, TO MAIL HIM SOME STUFF, AND WAS AT THAT MOMENT OPENING THE TRUNK OF THE CAR TO PUT SOME GROCERIES IN THAT I HAD BOUGHT), HE CALLED ME AT 5;30 (I WAS OUTSIDE, WALKING THE DOG....I CARRY MY CELL PHONE AND WIRELESS PHONE WHEN OUTSIDE.............AND HIS LAST CALL CAME AT 9PM, AS I WAS JUST STARTING TO WATCH 'AMERICAN IDOL" ON TV........................SO, AS YOU CAN SEE, THE PHONE IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF OUR EXISTENCE.

WELL, LIFE GOES ON AS USUAL FOR ME....NOTHING EXCITING.  I JUST WAIT FOR THE SPRING.....AND NOW, I KEEP HEARING ON THE RADIO ANOTHER BIG SNOWSTORM IS ON IT'S WAY................WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT IT......LET IT SNOW AS MUCH AS IT WANTS, BECAUSE IN A FEW WEEKS IT WILL BE SPRING!.........THE RADIO ANNOUNCERS HERE, IN NEW JERSEY, JUST LOVE TO 'BUILD UP' THE TENSION IN THE AIR ABOUT SNOWSTORMS THAT ARE ON IT'S WAY...THEY DO THAT DATS AHEAD OF THE STORM...........THEY MAKE PEOPLE PANIC................AND SO, ON BEHALF OF 'SNOW," I'D LIKE TO 'DEFEND" IT........SNOW IS DOING WHAT IT IS MEANT O DO!...SNOW IS NOT DOING ANYTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY........THE POOR SNOW IS FALLING OUT OF THE SKY, ONTO THE EARTH, AS GOD WANTS IT TO DO...........AND SO, I WILL LOOK AT "SNOW" NOT AS A 'MONSTER, " BUT AS A NATURAL OCCURANCE IN NATURE...........AND THEN, IT WILL SEEM BEAUTIFUL TO ME (ALTHOUGH I CANNOT WALK IN IT OR GO OUTSIDE).

TODAY I MAILED 2 MORE STORIES I HAVE WRITTEN FOR MAGAZINES..........'NEWSWEEK," AND 'CATHOLIC DIGEST.".........WELL, I THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT A TRY............EVERYONE THINKS WRITING IS EASY, BUT IR TAKES A LOT OF DISAPLINE, ENERGY, CREATIVITY, STAMINA, AND CONTINUAL FAITH THAT "YOU CAN DO IT,"  DESPITE ALL THE REJECTION SLIPS YOU GET.........YES, EVEN THE BEST AUTHORS IN OUR WORLD HAVE GOTTEN MANY REJECTION SLIPS....BUT THAT DID NOT STOP THEM FROM WRITING.  AND SO I AM CONTINUING TO WRITE, AND I AM NOW WAITING FOR ANSWERS FROM AROUND 3 OR 4 STORIES I HAVE SENT IN IN THE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS.  IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW, I HAVE STORIES ALL LINED UP....CAN YOU IMAGINE!.......I'M DOING IT ALL NOW THAT JIMMY IS IN KINTOCK, BECAUSE WHEN HE COMES HOME, I WILL BE CONCENTRATING MY ENERGIES ELSEWHERE.............................WELL, THAT MIGHT LEAD TO SOME NICE ROMANTIC STORIES.........HMMMMMMM.

GOOD-NIGHT, ALL.....AND THANK-YOU FOR READING MY JOURNAL...........IT IS YOU, YES YOU, WHO ARE READING THIS JOURNAL AND LEAVING COMMENTS AND E-MAILS, THAT MAKE THIS JOURNAL WHAT IT IS..........LOVE,FRAN

LIFE GOES ON IN KINTOCK....

DEAR ANITA....

  THANK YOU FOR YOUR LAST COMMENT, AND I THOUGHT I'D ANSWER SOME OF YOUR QUESTS. HERE!.........JIMMY IS SUPPOSSED TO START HIS JOB ON TUESDAY, AS MONDAY IS A HOLIDAY.....TUESDAY IS ORIENTATION, AND HE WILL FIND OUT ALL ABOUT THE JOB, AND WHAT SHIFT HE WORKS........HE WILL TAKE A SMALL MINI-VAN THERE, AND THE JOB IS NOT TOO FAR FROM KINTOCK.........HE IS RESTING UP FOR IT, AND PREPARING FOR IT....HE IS VERY HAPPY AND EXCITED BOUT IT.........IT IS A "QUALITY ASSURANCE JOB," IN A PLANT.....I BELIEVE IT IS A TURKEY PLANT...........................................TRUTHFULLY, JIMMY WILL DO ANY JOB VERY WELL....MY HUSBAND CAN DO ALMOST EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING...........AND HE WILL...............BUT HE IS VERY ANXIOUS TO START HIS WEEK-END FURLOUGHS HOME...........AND HE NEEDS TO BE WORKING OUTSIDE OF KINTOCK TO DO THAT........

I'M HAPPY YOU LIKE OUR PIX!....WE TOOK THAT A FEW DAYS BEFORE HE TURNED HIMSELF IN, ON OUR COMPUTER CAM.........JIMMY LOVES TAKING PIX, AND WE HAVE ABOUT EVERY CAMERA, AND CAM-CORDER YOU CAN IMAGINE!..(SPRINT CELL PHONES, DIG CAMS, ETC.........MANY TIMES AT NIGHT I SIT AND WATCH THE MOVIES OF OURSELF THAT HE FILMED BEFORE HE WENT TO PRISON.......MOVIES OF US SITTIN G ON THE BOARDWALK, LOOKING AT THE OCEAN, WATCHING TV, OUR 3 PETS, OUR HOME IN LAS VEGAS, OUR SOCIAL GATHERINGS....AND OF COURSE THE HUMEROUS THINGS I SAY..............OH YES, HE HAS THAT ALL ON FILM!......I LOVE TO SIT AND WATCH MY HUSBAND, AND HE LOVES TO WATCH ME!....................YOU SEE, WHEN YOUR HUSBAND GOES TO PRISON...THAT IS, THE MAN YOU ARE SO IN LOVE WITH, THE PASSAGE OF 'TIME" STARTS PLAYING TRICKS ON YOUR MIND.  IN OTHER WORDS, THE 2 YEARS HE IS GONE DOES NOT SEEM LIKE 2 YEARS...IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY, HE STOOD AT THE FRONT DOOR, AND SAID GOOD-BYE........TIME HAS A STRANGE WAY OF 'CONDENSING" IN THE MIND.................WE HAVE A LITTLE GAME WE HAVE AGREED TO PLAY WHEN HE COMES HOME.  WHEN HE WALKS THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR, HE WILL TELL ME HE HAD JUST WENT OUT TO THE STORE FOR A FEW MINUTES (NOT THE 2  OR MORE YRS HE HAS BEEN GONE)...AND THEN, WE WILL RESUME OUR LIFE, JUST AS IF HE NEVER LEFT..........YES, JIMMY AND I HAVE OUR OWN WAY OF COPING WITH THIS EXPERIENCE........YOU SEE, WHAT MAKES THE BOTH OF US VERY UNUSUAL, IS THAT WE HAVE HIGHLY IMMAGINATIVE AND CREATIVE MINDS......WE CAN, IN FACT, CHANGE BAD INTO GOOD,,,,,,,,,,,,IN ONE WAY, JIMMY AND I CREATE A LITLE WORLD AROUND US...A LITTLE WORLD OF FANTASY AND PLEASURE..........EVEN SEPEREATED BY PRISON WALLS , WE CONTINUE TO DO THIS.....WE ARE 2 ADULTS THAT LIKE TO PLAY...WE REALLY NEVER GREW UP, AND YET WE ARE VERY MUCH ADULTS, AND CAN BE VERY SERIOUS..............WE ARE VERY FLEXIBLE PEOPLE.............EVEN WITH ME LOSING MY EYESIGHT. PEOPLE CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I AM EVEN BLIND...............WELL, YOU SEE , I PRETEND IN MY HEAD THAT I AM NOT BLIND, AND THEN TO ME I CAN SEE.................IF PRISON WIVES CAN LEARN TO DO THIS,....TO USE THEIR CREATIVE MINDS, THE EXPERINCE WOULD NOT BE SO DREADFUL..............

I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THE STORY IN "THE PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY.".........MAINLY, I AM HAPPY TO EDUCATE THE PUBLIC ABOUT THIS ISSUE.........THAT THE ROLE OF "THE PRISON WIFE," DOES EXIST IN OUR SOCIETY..............MOST OFTEN A FORGOTTEN WOMAN, "SHE " NEEDS TO BE EXPOSED AND BROUGHT OUT INTO THE FOREFRONT..............I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY SOME, "YOU FEEL IT IS A STIGMA TO BE A PRISON WIFE."..........NO, IT'S NOT ME...........IT IS SOCIETY, YES SOCIETY, THAT PUTS THE STIGMA ON THESE WOMEN, BECAUSE EVEN THE WORD PRISON, SENDS SHIVERS UP ONES SPINE.............I AM PROUD OF MY HUSBAND, AND I AM PROUD TO BE HIS WIFE........I AM PROUD HE DID THE RIGHT THING AND IS SERVING HIS PRISON TERM.......I';M IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND............WHEN HE LEFT ME, 2 YEARS AGO, WE WERE STILL IN A STATE OF INFATUATION..............IS THAT POSSIBLE, TO BE IN THAT STATE FOR 2 YEARS, AT OUR AGE (47 AND 49 AT THE TIME)...AND NOW, OUR LOVE HAS PROGRESSED INTO EVEN SOMETHING DEEPER............

WELL, I'LL GO TO BED NOW........IT IS SNOWING OUTSIDE, ONCE AGAIN!..............................FRAN

 

 

the story is in today's "PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY"

HI EVERYONE!

THE STORY IS OUT IN TODAY'S  (SUNDAY, FEBRUARY  20, 2005), NEWSPAPER........."THE PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY."...................THE STORY WAS BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN, AND HAS 2 PICTURES......ONE OF ME , HERE AT HOME, IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER, TALKING TO JIMMY ON THE PHONE...(JIMMY JUST HAPPENED TO CALL WHEN THE PHOTOGRAPHER WAS HERE!).....THE OTHER PICTURE IS OF JIMMY AND I TOGETHER, HAVING DINNER IN THE STRATOSPHERE.................

THE STORY NOT ONLY TELLS ABOUT JIMMY AND I, BUT BRINGS OUT THE LIFE OF THE "PRISON WIFE".........HER SECRETIVE, LONELY LIFE, AND HOW SHE USUALLY LEADS A DOUBLE LIFE...........2 ADMINISTRATORS FROM THE PRISON SYSTEM WERE QUOTED , AND I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE THAT........THEY EXPLAINED ,THAT I FIT THE  SUAUAL PROFILE OF A WIFE WHOSE HUSBAND IS IN PRISON..........................PARTS OF THE JOURNAL ARE QUOTED..........AS I READ IT MYSELF, I SORT OF WAS READING IT "FROM ABOVE,"........AS IF IT WAS REALLY SONEONE ELSES STORY............IT'S REALLY STRANGE!......KINDA LIKE AN "OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE."

WELL, TO GET THERE..........LOOK UP  'PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY"........HOME PAGE.  THEN CLICK ON OCEAN COUNTY NEWS...............YOU WILL FIND IT, TITLED,   "PRISON INMATE'S WIFE TRIES TO TURN DESPAIR INTO HOPE.....TOM'S RIVER WOMAN'S ONLINE DIARY OFFERS PLATFORM FOR SHARING."

THE ANSWER LIES WITHIN

I AM SITTING HERE, ALONE, AS USUAL TONIGHT, HAVING SPOKEN TO JIMMY SEVERAL TIMES TONIGHT...HE KEPT CALLING ME BACK......HE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ME ALONE, BECAUSE OF THE PENSIVE MOOD I WAS IN.......WHAT WE DISCUSSED WAS WHAT I FOUND AS I OPENED MY COMPUTER JUST NOW........IN THE LAST ENTRY, THERE IS A COMMENT, THAT MADE ME VERY EMOTIONAL, AND I A M SITTING HERE CRYING.........IT IS A MOST BEAUTIFUL COMMENT, AS ALL THE COMMENTS AND E-MAILS HAVE BEEN THAT ARE SENT TO ME, AND I AM TRYING TO SLOWLY ANSWER EVERYONE..........

...........YES, JANET.........I REMEMBER YOU VERY WELL.......FROM PREVIOUS COMMENTS...........YOUR LETTER TO ME WAS VERY "TOUCHING," AND VERY BEAUTIFUL............I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME DISCUSSING IT HERE, FOR EVERYONE TO SEE..........I THINK OTHERS CAN LEARN FROM YOU, AND WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY..............I WILL TRY TO GIVE YOU SOME ANSWERS, BUT I AM NOT AN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT OF 'HAVING A HUSBAND IN PRISON.".......BUT I WILL TRY TO SHARE WITH YOU, WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ALONG THE WAY..........AND I HOPE IT HELPS YOU AND OTHERS............

WHEN I MET MY HUSBAND ON MARCH 2003, FIRST ON-LINE, THEN ON A PHONE, THEM IN PERSON 2 WEEKS LATER, I DID NOT SEE A CRIMINAL..........IN MY EYES, HE WAS, AND STILL IS A WONDERFUL PERSON...........I SAW BEYOND THE FACT THAT I WAS MARRYING A CRIMINAL........HE GAVE ME SO MUCH LOVE AND DEVOTION, I SAW NOTHING ELSE.................HE IS A WONDERFUL PERSON, WHO GOT INVOLVED WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE, AND HE MADE A MISTAKE..........WHICH HE IS NOW SORRY FOR...............................I LOVED HIM, AND I LOVE HIM NOW................IT IS WHAT IS IN YOUR HEART, AND SOUL.............IF YOU LOVE YOUR MAN, YOU JUST LOVE HIM, AND THAT IS IT..........YOU WILL KNOW IT........IT IS SOMETHING THAT NO ONE CAN PUT INTO WORDS...........................................I AM THE MOST UNLIKELY PERSON IN THIS WORLD TO BE MARRIED TO A CRIMINAL...............I HAVE A PROFESSION, WORKED HARD IN MY CAREER, HAVE ADVANCED DEGREES FROM UNIVERSITIES, NURSING LICENSES IN 5 STATES..............BEEN THERE, DONE THAT....................I COME FROM A FAMILY OF PROFESIONALS, WHERE EVEN THE WORD "CRIMINAL" SENDS SHIVERS THROUGH THEIR SPINE................

YES, I AM "PROUD" OF JIMMY..............THE NIGHT BEFORE HE WENT TO COURT, TO TURN HIMSELF IN,  I TOLD HIM, AT HOME, AS WE SAT TOGETHER, IN OUR BEDROOM, "JIMMY, I AM PROUD OF YOU....I AM PROUD OF YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING TO TURN YOURSELF IN.".................IT WAS SIMPLY STATED............AND THOSE EXACT WORDS STAYED WITH HIM THROUGHOUT HIS WHOLE INCARCERATION, AND HE REPEATED THEM TO ME OVER AND OVER.............HE REPEATED THEM NOT ONLY TO ME, BUT HE TOLD THE PSYCHIATRISTS, COUNSELORS, AND OTHER PEOPLE WHO WERE EVALUATING AND WORKING WITH HIM............THEIR ANSWER TO HIM, WAS ALWAYS THE SAME....."YOU HAVE A VERY UNIQUE WIFE, BECAUSE MOST WOMEN DON'T FEEL THAT WAY.".............AND TO THIS DAY, I STILL TELL HIM I AM PROUD OF HIM............

YOUR WORDS, JANET, ARE VERY TOUCHING AND EMOTIONAL TO ME.  YOU SAID,"YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT I WANT AND CANNOT FIND...RESPECT FOR AND PRIDE IN YOUR HUSBAND.".............JANET, ALL THOSE FEELINGS WILL ONLY COME NATURALLY WITH TIME........THIS IS A TIME OF HEALING FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND, AS HE EMERGES OUT OF PRISON...YOU MUST FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND SOUL, HAVE FAITH IN THE LORD, AND ALL ELSE WILL FOLLOW, EASILY.....DON'T PUSH ANYTHING..................LET YOUR TIME WITH YOUR HUSBAND FLOW............

IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE TONIGHT I SAID TO JIMMY....."YOUR WIFE HAS BECOME A STRANGE WOMAN.....SHE LIKES TO STAY AT HOME AND NOT GO OUT ANYMORE, AS I ONCE DID.."...I HAVE ALL ALONG TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO JIMMY THAT TIME HAS MOVED ON......IT IS NO LONGER MARCH 28, 2003...THE DAY HE WENT TO JAIL............I'M NO LONGER THE SAME........IN FACT NO ONE IS............AND THEN I SAY, 'I ALMOST FEEL ABNORMAL.".........IT IS ABNORMAL TO BE A MARRIED WOMAN WITHOUT A HUSBAND AT HER SIDE..........TO BE DEVOTED AND WAITING.............SO MANY PRISON WIVES ARE NOT LIKE THAT.............BECAUSE IT IS SO HARD, TO LIVE IN THIS LITTLE PLACE THAT DOESN'T EXIST..........TO RESIST MAKING MALE FRIENDSHIPS, ETC..........AFTER ALL, WE ARE YOUNG, VIBRANT WOMEN...........IT IS ALL SO CONFUSING, AND TRUTHFULLY I DON'T HAVE THE ANSWER.............WELL YES, I DO, ON SECOND THOUGHT...............THE ANSWER LIES WITHIN YOUR HEART AND SOUL...............AND FOR ME, I LOVE AND AM IN LOVE WITH JIMMY, SO I REMAIN DEVOTED TO HIM............

JANET, I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU THAT YOUR HUSBAND WILL SOON BE OUT, AND 5 YEARS MUST HAVE BEEN A LONG TIME FOR YOU.........I LOOKED AT YOUR PICTURE, AND SAW IN YOUR EYES A DEVOTED WOMAN...........YOU ALSO LED ME IN YOUR PREVIOUS COMMENTS TO READ PROVERB 31, WHICH SAYS EVERYTHING ABOUT MARRIAGE.........I WISH YOU BOTH ALL THE BEST, AND I'M SURE EVERYTHING WILL MOVE ALONG SMOOTHLY......................JUST REMEMBER, THE ANSWER ALWAYS LIES WITHIN..................................FRAN

.......PROVERB 31 HAS BECOME MY FAVORITE.........IT SAYS SOMETHING THAT CAN PERTAIN TO ALL MARRIED WOMEN.......

PROVERB 31.....THE IDEAL WIFE

......WHEN ONE FINDS A WORTHY WIFE, HER VALUE IS FAR BEYOND PEARLS.

.....HER HUSBAND, ENTRUSTING HIS HEART TO HER, HAS AN UNFAILING PRIZE.

....SHE BRINGS HIM GOOD, AND NOT EVIL,  ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE............................................................

...............................SHE IS CLOTHED WITH STRENGTH AND DIGNITY.................

.......SHE OPENS HER MOUTH IN WISDOM, AND ON HER TONGUE IS KINDLY COUNSEL.....................................

.....SHE WATCHES THE CONDUCT OF HER HOUSEHOLD......

...........CHARM IS DECEPTIVE AND BEAUTY FLEETING...THE WOMAN   WHO FEARS THE LORD IS TO BE PRAISED..............

JIMMY AND FRAN

JIMMY AND FRAN...........TAKEN A FEW DAYS BEFORE HE LEFT FOR JAIL, ON MARCH 28, 2003......

...............AND NOW, ALMOST 2 YEARS LATER, I KISS YOU ONLY IN MY MIND AND IMAGINATION..........IN MY DREAMS.......................

some thoughts

ANOTHER DAY HAS COME AND GONE.....

...AND OF COURSE, I SIT HERE AS USUAL, AND MISS JIMMY.....

...THE NIGHTS ARE THE WORST...AS THE HOUSE BECOMES QUIET AND LONELY...

OUR LAST CALL WAS AT 7:30 PM....

I WATCH TV, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, AND TRY TO GET INTERESTED IN SOME SHOWS....I ALWAYS LIKE "AMERICAN IDOL."

TODAY ON OPRAH, WAS THE WIDOW OF CHRIS REEVES...SHE SAID SOME GREAT THINGS, THAT HIT HOME WITH ME............ONE THING SHE SAID, CAN ACTUALLY PERTAIN TO EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD......SHE SAID THAT HER WAY OF LIFE WITH CHRISTOPHER BECAME A NORMAL LIFE TO THEM......OTHERS MAY HAVE VIEWED HER LIFE AS ABNORMAL, LIVING WITH A QUADRAPLEGIC........BUT FOR THEM, LIFE BECAME NORMAL.............IN THE SAME WAY, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, MY LIFE, AS A PRISONER'S WIFE HAS BECOME 'NORMAL" FOR ME......FOR US.  WE ARE STILL A "FAMILY," DESPITE PRISON WALLS.....WE STILL FUNCTION AS A FAMILY....DESPITE PRISON WALLS.  JIMMY AND I STAY CONNECTED, THROUGH THE PHONE AND MAIL.  HE WAKES ME UP IN THE MORNING WITH A PHONE CALL, AND HE SAYS GOOD-NIGHT TO ME AT NIGHT WITH A PHONE CALL.......I STILL VIEW MYSELF AS VERY MUCH MARRIED........THROUGHOUT THE DAY, WE DISCUSS ON THE PHONE THINGS AND ISSUES ABOUT OUR HOUSEHOLD...........I MAKE SURE I CARRY THE CORDLESS PHONE WHEN OUTSIDE, AND THE CELL PHONE WHEN I GO SHOPPING........EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, WE ARE CONNECTED AS HUSBAND AND WIFE.

YESTERDAY, AT THE SHOPPING MALL, I WAS TALKING TO A WOMAN WHO WAS 90 YEARS OLD...SHE DID NOT LOOK A DAY OVER 60...MAKE-UP AND HAIR DONE...BACK FROM A CRUISE LAST WEEK IN THE CARRIBEAN....HER HUSBAND HAD DIED LAST YEAR........THEY HAD BEEN MARRIED 66 YEARS........STILL DEDICATED AND DEVOTED TO HIM IN DEATH, SHE SAID SHE PRAYED TO HIM EACH NIGHT AND DISCUSSED THINGS WITH HIM.......SHE HAD A SMALL SHRINE TO HIM, AND SAID SHE WOULD NEVER THINK OF MARRYING AGAIN......THIS WOMAN WAS SO VIBRANT AND YOUNG LOOKING.......NAILS MANICURED...WEARING A BEAUTIFUL RED DRESS...TALL AND NICE FIGURE...SHE WAS INCREDIBLE.................I TOLD HER MY HUSBAND WAS IN A HALF-WAY HOUSE...SHE WAS A LITTLE SHOCKED, AND WANTED TO KNOW HOW I SURVIVED ON MY OWN.............I TRIED TO EXPLAIN, THAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME 'NORMAL' HAVING A HUSBAND IN PRISON...A HUSBAND THAT BELONGS TO THE STATE AND LIVES IN AN INSTITUTION...........FOR US, THAT HAS BECOME'NORMAL' AS SHOCKING AS IT MAY SEEM TO OTHERS.............NORMAL , OF COURSE, UNTIL HE IS RELEASED , AND COMES BACK HOME.........IN THE CHRIS REEVES HOUSEHOLD, IT WAS NORMAL FOR THE SCHEDULE TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM..........FOR ME, IT IS NORMAL FOR MY SCHEDULE TO REVOLVE AROUND JIMMY'S CALLS AND MAIL..........THE PICTURES HE DRAWS FOR ME, THE CARDS HE SENDS...THE LOVE LETTERS........AND SO, LIFE IS SO VERY STRANGE...........I THINK IT IS ALL ABOUT "SURVIVAL,"..........AND LEARNING TO CREATE YOUR OWN EXISTENCE AROUND YOU.........ONE THING I KNOW, AND HAVE ALWAYS SAID, 'NOT EVEN PRISON WALLS CAN COME BETWEEN THE LOVE WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHER."............AND WITH OUR UNIQUE MINDS AND PERSONALITIES, JIMMY AND I HAVE INDEED CREATED A WAY TO 'MAKE OUR LOVE SURVIVE."................AND LIKE I ALWAYS SAY...IT'S NOT HARD WHEN YOU ARE 'IN LOVE' WITH THE OTHER PERSON, BECAUSE THEN, IT BECOMES A NATURAL EXISTENCE AND STATE...........

JIMMY WILL START HIS NEW JOB NEXT MONDAY....IT IS AS A 'QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTOR" IN A TURKEY PROCESSING PLANT..............THESE PAST FEW DAYS HE HASN'T FELT TOO WELL...WITH A COLD...SO HE HAS TAKEN SOME TIME OFF FROM THE KITCHEN WORK.....JIMMY IS A STRONGE MAN AND RARILY GETS SICK, BUT WHEN HE DOES, MY BABY MUST REST IN ORDER TO RECUPERATE.........HE IS A HARD-WORKING MAN.......

GOOD-NIGHT FOR NOW....................FRAN

good news

JIMMY CALLED ME WITH THE GOOD NEWS LAST NIGHT, THAT HE HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR A JOB, AND SHOULD START NEXT MONDAY.........WELL, I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED, BUT SINCE I HAVE LEARNED TO BE VERY CAUTIOUS IN LIFE ABOUT HAPPINESS, I WILL WAIT AND SEE EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS!.......

THE NEWSPAPER ARTICLE DID NOT APPEAR IN MONDAY'S "PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY," BUT MAY APPEAR THIS COMING WEEKEND....I'LL LET YOU KNOW EXACTLY, SO YOU CAN ALL RUN OUT AND BUY A COPY OF THE PAPER....OR READ IT ON LINE..........

JIMMY HAS AN ANALYTICAL MIND, AND LOVES TO FIGURE OUT EVERYTHING, AND KEEP TRACK OF EVERYTHING, IN HIS BRAIN....AS FOR ME, I NEED TO WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN, AND KEEP RECORDS ON PAPER...........................SO, LAST NIGHT HE WAS TELLING ME THE FOLLOWING STATISTICS IN OUR LIFE........WE HAVE SPOKEN AN ESTIMATED 2000 TIMES ON THE PHONE FOR THE PAST 23 MONTHS  (i think it is even a little more),  WE HAVE SPOKEN AN ESTIMATED 30,000 MINUTES ON THE PHONE.................IN THE PAST 23 MONTHS, I HAVE SEEN HIM A TOTAL OF 12 TIMES   (3 times in the ocean county jail, 4 times at bayside,but once i was refused entry, 3 times at talbot hall, and 2 times at kintock)......................I TOLD HIM I REALLY LOST TRACK OF HOW MANY TIMES I SAW HIM, AND THE FIRST YEAR HAS ALREADY STARTED BECOMING A BLUR TO ME.......HE SAID THAT IS NORMAL..HE IS "INSIDE," IN A LOCKED UP ENVIRONMENT, SO INMATES KEEP TRACK OF THINGS...THEY COUNT DAYS, HOURS, ETC.....BUT FOR ME, SINCE I AM ON THE OUTSIDE, I DON';T "COUNT THINGS' AS A PERSON WHO IS LOCKED UP DOES.........ALSO, IT IS ALMOST UNDERTANDABLE THAT AT THIS POINT, AS TIME MOVES ON, I WILL START FORGETTING THE PAST MONTHS AND YEARS....BECAUSE IN MY SUBCONSCIOUS I WANT TO FORGET, BUT IT IS STILL THERE.......I AM HAPPY TO START MOVING ON, AND START FORGETTING THE PAST..............PRETTY SOON I KNOW MY HUSBAND WILL BE HOME, AND WE CAN START LIVING LIFE ONCE AGAIN...............IT'S FUNNY...I LIVE 15 MINUTES FROM THE BEACH AND BOARDWALK, AND I HAVE NO IDEA IT IS THERE....I'VE NEVER GONE THERE SINCE JIMMY LEFT HOME................I CAN;T WAIT FOR THE NICE WEATHER WHEN WE CAN RELAX AND GO TO SIT ON THE BOARDWALK, AND ENJOY THE OCEAN AND THE SUN.......

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A NICE DAY!......TODAY THE RADIO IS SAYING WILL BE A WARM SPRING-LIKE DAY, AROUND 50 OR MORE DEGREES.......BUT TONIGHT IT MAY SNOW AGAIN!.......................FRAN

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY...JIMMY'S LOVE LETTER TO ME..

WE JUST SPOKE ON THE PHONE A LITTLE WHILE AGO....OUR LAST CALL FOR TONITE...UNTIL TOMORROW MORNING...WE WHISPERED SWEET LOVE THINGS INTO THE PHONE, AND WISHED EACH OTHER HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.....NOW, AS I AM ALONE HERE, WITH THE 3 PETS, I HAVE JIMMY'S 7 VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS HE HAS SENT ME, TO SIT AND READ OVER AND OVER AGAIN....

IN OUR PHONE CONVERATION, WE TRIED TO ANALYZE JUST WHY WE LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH.  WE CONCLUDED THAT WE ARE VERY UNIQUE AND UNUSUAL...WE LOVE AND "LIKE" EACH OTHER IN A VARIETY OF DIFFERENT WAYS....WE FIND EACH OTHER INTERESTING...AND EXCITING...WE LOVE TO TALK TO EACH OTHER, AND WE NEVER TIRE TALKING TO ONE ANOTHER....WE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER....WE LIKE BEING AROUND EACH OTHER....WE ENJOY BEING MARRIED AND DEVOTED TO ONE ANOTHER...WE ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER....MOST OF ALL, "WE NOT ONLY LOVE EACH OTHER, BUT ARE IN LOVE WITH ONE ANOTHER.".............AND DESPITE PRISON WALLS, AND BEING LOCKED UP FOR 23 MONTHS, WE ARE TOTALLY DEDICATED AND DEVOTED TO ONE ANOTHER........AND TO PUT IT IN OTHER WORDS, "WE ARE LIKE TWO SPARKS, THAT WHEN COMBINED CAUSE A COMBUSTIBLE REACTION!"...WE ARE LIKE 2 MAGNETS THAT ARE ATTRACTED TO ONE ANOTHER...IT IS, IN REALITY, A VERY UNUSUAL LOVE, THAT CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN VERY UNIQUE PEOPLE................

AND NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE ONE OF JIMMY'S MANY LOVE LETTERS TO ME.......

DEAR LITTLE LADY....

      MY DARLING...

          MY DEAREST....

  BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP, THE PLACE WHERE I CAN HOLD YOU...KISS YOUR NECK AND BACK....IT'S THE ONLY THING I CAN DO NOW.....I HAVE MY MEMORIES, AND SOON I WILL HAVE THE REAL THING...TO HOLD YOU.

  IF THIS LETTER SOUNDS DISJOINTED, IT'S BECAUSE I AM ALMOST IN DREAMLAND.....I NEVER LOVED ANYONE BEFORE YOU, FRAN.

            XOXOXOXO        LOVE,

                             YOUR HUSBAND,

                                JIMMY

PS......I AM DIZZY WITH LOVE AND PASSION FOR YOU.

--------------------------------------------

I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL AND LOVING VALENTINE'S DAY TOMORROW, AND IF YOU GET A CHANCE, CHECK OUT OUR LOVE STORY IN "THE PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY.".....YOU CAN READ IT ON-LINE....

feeling sad.....

I HAVE EVERYTHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR IN LIFE, BUT AT THIS MOMENT, I FEEL KINDA SAD AND QUIET....WITHIN MYSELF.  YOU SEE, IT'S ANOTHER "VALENTINE'S DAY."...ANOTHER ONE ALONE....THE SECOND VALENTINE'S DAY WITH JIMMY IN PRISON.........

HE JUST CALLED ME A LITTLE WHILE AGO...AND HE WAS FEELING THE SAME WAY...SAD AND QUIET....HE APOLOGIZED FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS.....

ONE YEAR IN PRISON IS HARD.....2 YEARS , AND IT GETS EVEN HARDER.....MARCH 28, WHICH IS A FEW WEEKS AWAY WILL BE 2 YEARS....

I ASKED JIMMY JUST WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF....WHY AM I STILL SITTING HERE WITH MY LIFE ON HOLD, WAITING FOR HIM TO RETURN.......2 YEARS IS A LONG TIME..........BUT I , MYSELF, GAVE HIM THE ANSWER....."IT IS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, AND I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. I AM YOUR WIFE, AND IT IS MY "PERSONAL MAKE-UP" TO BE DEDICATED AND FAITHFUL TO MY HUSBAND.....I AM A DEDICATED PERSON.....WITH STRENGTH AND FAITH, I WILL CARRY ON........

IT IS ALL SO SAD...WOMEN THAT HAVE HUSBANDS AND LOVED ONES IN PRISON.....LIFE IS SAD.........TO BE MARRIED, AND NOT HAVE A HUSBAND.......THAT YOUR HUSBAND BELONGS TO THE STATE, NOT YOU ANYMORE...........

I SIT HERE AND THINK ABOUT ALL THE PRISONS THROUGHOUT OUR COUNTRY.........SO MANY INMATES.......SO MANY INSTITUTIONS..........EVERYONE BEHIND CLOSED WALLS.......IN THEIR OWN LITTLE WORLDS...........AND I SIT HERE IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD..........WONDERING WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT.............LIFE IS SO CONFUSING.

I'M SORRY TO BE SO NEGATIVE TONIGHT....BUT YOU, MY LOVELY JOURNAL, YOU ARE THE ONE I CAN COME TO AND POUR MY HEART OUT TO.............YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WILL LISTEN TO ME..........

...SONG NOW PLAYING ON THE RADIO AS I TYPE THIS...

.........I CAN'T WAIT TO LIVE MY LIFE AGAIN...MY DREAMS CAME TRUE BECAUSE OF YOU....FROM THIS MOMENT AS LONG AS I LIVE, I PROMISE I WILL LOVE YOU....THERE IS NOTHING THAT I WOULDN'T GIVE, FROM THIS MOMENT ON....YOU'RE THE REASON I BELIEVE IN LOVE, AND YOU ARE THE REASON FOR MY PRAYERS ABOVE........I WILL LOVE YOU...I PROMISE YOU....THERE IS NOTHING I WOULDN'T GIVE....I WILL LOVE YOU, THERE IS NOTHING I WOULD GIVE....FROM THIS MOMENT ON......

A VERY BEAUTIFUL SONG, THAT PLAYED ON THE RADIO AS I WAS TYPING THIS......IT SAYS IT ALL...I HOPE I GOT ALL THE WORDS RIGHT, AS I WAS TYPING IT AS IT WAS PLAYING..........

AND SO, TO END THIS JOURNAL TONIGHT ON A MORE HAPPIER AND POSITIVE NOTE, I'LL TELL YOU SOME GOOD NEWS!

ON MONDAY, VALENTINE'S DAY, THE NEWSPAPER, "THE PRESS OF ATLANTIC CITY" WILL PUBLISH "OUR STORY"....OUR LOVE STORY.....HOW WE MET, FELL IN LOVE, MARRIED, KNOWING HE HAD TO GO TO PRISON.......HOW I AM AT HOME WRITING THIS JOURNAL FOR OVER A YEAR........HOW THIS JOUIRNAL STARTED WITH MY OWN NEED , AND NOW HAS EXPANDED TO A LOT OF PEOPLE READING IT, AND IDENTIFYING WITH IT.  THIS WILL BE A GREAT STORY FOR VALENTINE'S DAY....THE REPORTER CAME HERE THE OTHER DAY TO INTERVIEW ME, AND HE ALSO WENT TO VISIT JIMMY AT KINTOCK, AND INTERVIEWED HIM...A PHOTOGRAPER TOOK PIX, TOO.  SO, IF YOU GET A CHANCE, TRY TO READ THE STORY....YOU CAN READ IT ON-LINE , TOO.

ALSO, I WROTE A LITTLE ARTICLE FOR VALENTINE'S DAY, FOR PRISON WIVES.....YOU CAN FIND IT ON "E-ZINE"...THAT IS AN ON-LINE MAGAZINE....IT CAN BE FOUND UNDER "WOMEN'S ISSUES," AND THE ARTICLE IS CALLED, "HOW TO KEEP LOVE ALIVE, DESPITE PRISON WALLS."...............................

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A REAL GOOD NIGHT......I KNOW THAT THIS HOLIDAY, VALENTINE'S DAY, IS AN ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT ONE FOR PRISON WIVES.......

..................................WITH LOVE,      FRAN, THE WIFE OF A PRISONER

The Story Of Valentine's Day

Love is in the air!....Valentine's Day is a few days away!....Don't forget to tell your loved one  "I love you"....Those three words are very important!

  I love the story of the origin of Valentine's Day...there are several versions of it...I'll tell you the story here, in my own words....On Valentine's Day we give chocolate candies, red roses, and lots of hearts and cards, but let us not forget where and how this story began!........

..................THE STORY OF VALENTINE'S DAY IS SHROUDED IN MYSTERY...ONE LEGEND SAYS THAT VALENTINE WAS A PRIEST WHO SERVED DURING THE THIRD CENTURY IN ROME.  EMPEROR CLAUDIUS II OUTLAWED MARRIAGE FOR YOUNG MEN.  THESE YOUNG MEN HE FELT MADE BETTER SOLDIERS THAN THOSE WITH WIVES AND FAMILIES.  VALENTINE , WHO WAS A PRIEST DEFIED CLAUDIUS AND HE CONTINUED TO PERFORM MARRIAGES FOR YOUNG LOVERS IN SECRET...WHEN VALENTINE WAS DISCOVERED PERFORMING MARRIAGES, HE WAS SENTENCED TO DEATH.  HE WAS PUT IN PRISON.  WHILE IN PRISON, THE PRISON WARDENS DAUGHTER WOULD COME TO VISIT VALENTINE.....SHE WAS BLIND....THUS, WHILE IN PRISON, VALENTINE FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS YOUNG, BLIND GIRL....YOUNG LOVER'S SENT HIM LETTERS, AND THEY STOOD OUTSIDE THE BARRED WINDOW OF HIS CELL.......THE YOUNG LOVER'S THREW ROSES INTO HIS WINDOW, AND VALENTINE WOULD MARRY THEM, AS THEY STOOD OUTSIDE HIS CELL............WHAT A MOST BEAUTIFUL STORY!..........YES, VALENTINE SO BELIEVED IN LOVE!............BEFORE HIS DEATH, VALENTINE SENT THE YOUNG WOMAN HE WAS IN LOVE WITH, A LOVE LETTER, WHICH HE SIGNED,  "FROM YOUR VALENTINE.".....THUS, THIS IS THE EXPRESSION WE STILL USE TODAY.....THE VALENTINE LEGENDS PORTRAY VALENTINE AS A HEROIC AND ROMANTIC FIGURE.............TODAY IN OUR WORLD WE STILL CARRY ON THE TRADITION OF VALENTINE'S DAY, BY SENDING CARDS FROM "YOUR VALENTINE," CHOCOLATES, CANDY, ROSES....AND SO MANY "LOVE GIFTS."...........AND SO, LET US CONTINUE TO CARRY ON THIS TRADITION IN OUR WORLD AND IN OUR LIFE..............TEEL THAT IMPORTANT PERSON YOU LOVE HIM, TODAY..........AND ALSO HELP TO SPREAD "LOVE" IN OUR WORLD.........REACH OUT AND TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM TODAY............AFTER ALL, "LOVE DOES MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND!"

HI EVERYONE!

HELLO EVERYONE!

SOME OF THE GUYS AT KINTOCK HAVE ASKED JIMMY 'WHY DOES YOUR WIFE WRITE HER JOURNAL IN ALL CAPS?  DOESN'T SHE KNOW THAT IT IS CONSIDERED RUDE ON THE COMPUTER TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS...IT IS LIKE YOU ARE SHOUTING ...."  WELL, JIMMY EXPLAINED TO THEM THAT I AM LEGALLY BLIND, AND CAN'T SEE THE SMALL PRINT VERY WELL..........AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED, I DID MY LAST ENTRY IN PRINT THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSSED TO BE....BUT GUESS WHAT!  IT REALLY WASN'T ME, AND IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO WRITE IT, AND GET IT "JUST RIGHT."  ....AND EVEN AT THAT, WHEN I READ IT OVER, IT IS JUST NOT ME!............SO, I'M SORRY, ALL OF YOU OUT THERE IN J-LAND, WILL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ME AND MY LARGE PRINT!..............

WHEN I SIT HERE AND WRITE AN ENTRY, I NEVER EVEN THINK AHEAD OF TIME JUST WHAT I WILL WRITE ABOUT....IT KIND OF JUST FLOWS OUT OF ME.......MY THOUGHTS FLOW OUT AND I TYPE THEM.......I REALLY DON'T PLAN ANYTHING..........WHAT I WRITE, IS JUST WHAT I AM THINKING AT THE TIME!.................I ALSO HAVE BAD NEUROPATHY OF BOTH HANDS....THAT IS NERVE DAMAGE...SOMETHING ;LIKE ARTHRITIS, SO I ONLY TYPE WITH ONE FINGER!.......I AM UNABLE TO TYPE WITH BOTH JHANDS ON THE KEYBOARD.......AND SO. THAT'S WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT!

MY 2 E-ZINE ARTICLES WHICH I WROTE 2 WEEKS AGO, ABOUT 'PRISON WIVES,'   CAN NOW BE FOUND ON GOOGLE....LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE READING THEM, AND I HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED AN "EXPERT AUTHOR" BY THEM!.............I THINK LATER I MAY WRITE A 3RD ARTUCLE, TITLED....."HOW TO MAKE LOVE SURVIVE, DESPITE PRISON WALLS.".............THERE ARE A LOT OF TIPS I CAN GIVE........AND I'LL DO IT AS A TRIBUTE AND CELEBRATION OF VALENTINE'S DAY!.........IF YOU HAVE THE TIME, YOU SHOULD GO BACK AND READ LAST YEAR'S ENTRIES ABOUT "VALENTINE'S DAY."........I WROTE ABOUT ST. VALENTINE, WHO WAS PUT IN PRISON, BECAUSE HE BELIEVED IN "MARRYING " PEOPLE WHO WERE IN LOVE........AND HE DID IT SECRETIVELY, AND GOT IMPRISONED BY DOING IT........THE PRISON WARDEN HAD A BLIND DAUGHTER, AND SHE WOULD GO VISIT ST. VALENTINE IN PRISON........AND THEY FELL IN LOVE.............AND HE WOULD READ TO HER............IT IS A VERY BEAUTIFUL STORY...........LOVE, LOVE, AND MORE LOVE!.......THAT'S WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT!...............IF JIMMY AND I CAN SHED A LITTLE LIGHT ON PEOPLE, AND MAKE THEM UNDERTAND THE IMPORTANCE AND VALUEOF LOVE, THEN WE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED A MISSION IN OUR LIFE............AND WE LIKE TO SET AN EXAMPLE FOR OTHERS!............SO COME ON, EVERYONE1....PREPARE FOR VALENTINE'S DAY AS IT QUICKLY APPROACHES!..........JIMMY HAS ALREADY SENT ME 7 CARDS, AND I'LL SEND HIM THE SECOND ONE TODAY!.........(HE CARRIES THE FIRST CARD I SENT HIM AROUND WITH HIM, AS I PUT LITTLE NOTATIONS IN IT THAT PERTAIN TO US!)

  JUST TO KEEP YOU UP-TO-DATE, ABOUT THE "KITCHEN INCIDENT," THE OTHER NIGHT..............WELL, JIMMY WENT TO THE KITCHEN AT 3AM, TO START HIS USUAL JOB OF COOKING FOR THE GUYS........WELL.MUCH TO HIS DIMAY, HE FOUND THE PLACE A MESS!......THE RESIDENTS WHO WERE HAVING THE PARTY WERE SUPPOSSED TO CLEAN UP THE POTS AND PANS AFTER THE PARTY, AND THEY DIDN'T!.....IT TOOK JIMMY AT LEAST AN HOUR TO CLEAN UP THE MESS BEFORE HE COULD START COOKING...............AND AS YOU KNOW, JIMMY JUST LOVES EVERYTHING CLEAN.....HE REMINDS ME OF 'MR. CLEAN!"

  TODAY JIMMY WENT OUT ON MORE JOB INTERVIEWS....HE WILL KNOW FOR SURE LATER THIS WEEK IF THEY ARE APPROVED.........I FOUND SEVERAL JOBS FOR HIM ON THE COMPUTER, AND GAVE THEM TO HIM ON THE PHONE........JOBS IN "PEP BOYS,' "GOOD-YEAR,"...AND SEVERAL MORE.......WELL, MUCH TO MY DISMAY, THEY WERE NOT APPROVED..............AND SO THE SEARCH GOES ON..........AT THIS POINT, I MUST LAUGH!......AND NOW, PLEASE UNDERSTAND , I SAY THIS WITH HUMOR......"WHERE OH WHERE IS THIS PERFECT JOB FOR MY HUSBAND?!".........SOMEWHERE THE PERFECT JOB EXISTS............I JUST CAN'T GET OVER IT............HE IS OVER-QUALIFIED FOR EVERYTHING.......WELL, THAT'S WHAT IT IS WHEN YOU ARE A "GENIUS."...........(he hates me to say that!)...............AND SO, I GUESS, WE WON'T BE TOGETHER AGAIN, THIS YEAR FOR THE THIRD YEAR, ON OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, APRIL 29....BECAUSE THE TIME IS MOVING QUICKLY, WITHOUT ANY SUCCESS OF GETTING A JOB.........PERSONALLY, MY OPINION IS, THAT IT "DEFEATS THE PURPOSE" of A "WORKING HALF-WAY HOUSE."...........SOME ONE IN THAT INSTITUION SHOULD BE ABLE TO HELP JIMMY IN GETTING A JOB ON THE OUTSIDE..........SEE HOW UNFAIR IT IS TO THE LOVED ONES WHO WAIT AT HOME..........THERE I GO ON MY SOAP-BOX AGAIN!

.................BYE FOR NOW!...........JIMMY WILL CALL ME SOON!.....................................love,   fran

 

some thoughts

I sit here and try to analyze exactly what this is all about....."REFLECTIONS OF A PRISON WIFE,"  that is.  I wonder to myself, why are people so interested in it?  There are now 2 newspapers interested in this story...."the woman who sits at home and writes a journal about life, as she waits for her husband while he is in prison."

  I started this journal out of my own despair.  It was a cold and lonely New Year's Eve...Dec. 2003.....The journal was a place I turned to , to write my thoughts.  It became my friend throughout the months, and along the way, I met many beautiful people that became my friend, and supported me. 

  Ans from my own personal journal, it suddenly began reaching out to the people.  And now, 13 months later,  I feel this journal is not only about "me," but about "the people."....those that identify with it.

  I feel  this journal  fulfills a "need." not only for myself, but for others.  It has brought out into the public an awareness of  "the prison wife."   Women read this and say, "yes, that is me too.  I am not alone in my thoughts."

  Therefore, "REFLECTIONS OF A PRISON WIFE," has helped to educate the public.  Not only has it reached wives of prisoners, but also girlfriends, mothers, fathers, children, and other family members.  It has reached the general population, who is interested in what goes on in the life of a prisoner and his wife....

  Our life has always been an unusual one....it has been a life of adventure, romance, love, and the unexpected ....it has always been a  "whirlwind" of events!..........meeting in a chatroom....progressing to a phone....meeting in the middle of the barren desert 2 weeks later.........getting married soon afterwards.................Yes, life moved very fast for us those first few months.  Living a wonderful life in Las Vegas, and knowing we would have to give so much up so he could return to New Jersey....................................and now, the long, long wait for Jimmy to return home.......................

  Before I say good-night, I have to tell you a little story that took place tonight....the residents at Kintock were having a party for "super Bowl  night, but it was only for the residents who have a job working on the outside.  Jimmy works in the kitchen, 80 hours /week.  He does not get paid, and doesn't mind, because he enjoys working, anyhow. He is trying very hard to get a job, so he can start week-end furloughs home, but the jobs he has applied for have not been approved.  Jimmy is up at 3am each day, and 7am on weekends, cooking 3 meals.....

  So tonight, he was helping to prepare for the party for the guys....he was in the kitchen preparing food, and then planned to go to his room and do some reading (neither of us are football fans).  Well his boss, who is civilian, came over to him and said "you cannot stay for the superbowl party, because you do not have an outside job."  Jimmy replied that he had no intention  of staying, because he is not even a football fan, and has other stuff to do.  .......Jimmy felt very bad about this, and we talked it over together on the phone....We are lucky to have each other, in order to discuss things, and that my husband could talk it out with me, and get this "off his mind."..........................he would never had stayed for the party, anyhow.  He was definetly put in his place.....he is there to "serve" his fellow inmates/residents.....he is not to participate in these social events....what do all of you think about this?  There is a saying, that says it all......."humbleness is great.".......................and so with that, good-night to all!

...............................................................Fran

endless days and endless thoughts......

Some days are good days....Other days are bad days.  That is just how it is for everyone in life.  For me, yesterday was a good day....a very wonderful day........several things occurred that made me feel very happy and very blessed.  ....Among other things, I received phone calls from friends that I have in Las Vegas, New Mexico. Arizona, and Tennessee......isn't that great to receive all those calls from people who love you and think about you?!....Yes, it was certainly a great day, and strangely enough, everyone called on the same day!....Of course Jimmy also called several times as he always does, and we had great phone conversations,too........All I can say is "thank God the telephone was invented!"

Lately I have been getting a lot of e-mails and I just love it!...please keep your e-mails coming!.......it makes me realize how many prison wives are out there..how many are waiting for their boyfriends and husbands........how many women are leading the same sort of life I am.........some waiting many, many years.  I know it is all so very hard for us to go through this....so, let us go through it together, and make the burden much lighter...................And even though yesterday was a good day for me, still at the end of the day, in the evening, when it was time to go to sleep, that "sense of lonliness, and emptiness," set into my heart, knowing that my husband is somewhere where I can't physically reach him...that no matter how I want him home, I am helpless within the system.......and so I wait.

Thank you again for your comments and e-mails....I will answer each and every e-mail I receive.....many women ask my advice....I will try my best to give you the best possible advice............

....................................Love,

                                     Fran

prison poetry

I'd like to share one of the poems I've written with you.....

                                       "I Wait"

                I sit

                  I wait

                      I eat

                          I drink

                              I bathe

                                  I smile

                                       I cry

                                                ......I exist

                        I go through all the rituals of life.............

                        I am perfect, but I  am not perfected.

                        ......I wait for my lover to return.........

                                Until then, I only exist.........

                                 .......I wait.

                                                     Fran

    (I wrote this May 29, 2003.  That was 2 months after Jimmy was incarcerated..........I would sit on a park bench, and look at the trees, who became my friends........they were beautiful spring days, with blue skies and sunshine.....they were such beautifully perfect days!........And I would construct thoughts and poems in my mind like this one...........and it would take some of the lonliness and shame away , and shock of no longer having a husband at home, because now I was a prisoner's wife.......everything in nature seemed so beautiful and perfect, and yet there was one flaw of imperfection, and that was my life as a prisoner's wife..................I'm sure many of you can identify with this............the words, the poems, and my writing became my friend.........)

HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY!

Hello, and Happy Ground-Hog Day!......I heard on the radio this morning that the ground-hog saw his shadow, so we will be having 6 more weeks of winter.  That makes sense to me, as my house is still surrounded by snow, anyhow, and as I said earlier, I'm staying inside until the spring,  and I do stand true to my word!....

Six weeks is nothing compared to the 23 months that my Jimmy has been away, within the prison system....Yes, we are now into our 23rd month.........that is 1 month short of 2 years.......somehow, 2 years sounds even worse.........but here I am....waiting and keeping the household together.

I received an e-mail this morning from someone whose father is in prison.  It was a beautiful letter, and I was so happy to receive it.  Her friends have told her to just forget about her father now that he is in prison.  No, that is the wrong thing to do.  For anyone that has a father, husband, son, brother...or maybe sister, mother, or wife in prison, now is the time to show them love.  Are you one of the people that have forgotten about someone in prison?  Even an occasional letter or card can make a big difference in that person's life.....now is actually the time that they need your love and prayers....they need to be guided down the right path of life.  Through your love and your words, that person can become a better person....because  he knows that someone actually cares about him.........so , yes, show your father love......accept his calls, if you are able to...go to visit him if possible........send him letters....cards......newspaper clippings about the outside world.....computer print-outs about subjects he may be interested in...............yes, make him part of the world, and your world........hoping that he will change his past ways and become a productive citizen.

My feeling is that we , as the family of the prisoner, are the people that are instrumental in the prisoner's rehabilatation.  He needs to know that he is loved and supported....that he matters....without family, or friends, without love, he can never be rehabilatated......We, as the family, are probably the most important aspect of the prisoner's rehabilatation................Show him the light and the way..........

Well, hope you all have a nice day, and you are always in my thoughts and prayers................

It's a nice sunny day, today, and should go up to 40 degrees, regardless of what the groundhog thought this morning when he got up!....................Love,  Fran